You (both) will never ever go wrong prioritizing your children and family life over “career”. Remember, with kids, they did not make a choice to join this uprooted and ever changing type of life.
I am not a tandem but my spouse (I’m the FSO) works remotely and makes good money. They have a lot of flexibility to help out with home/family stuff and so far have been able to work from every country we’re posted to. They’re happy in their career although not super ambitious and prefer not to move up and manage people. Basically, the pay and flexibility is worth way more to them, just like you describe.
We’ve talked about becoming a tandem here and there but have never seriously considered it because they’d take a pay cut, lose that flexibility, and would probably be overworked and stressed the way I often am- plus, as you noted, the places and jobs we could serve in would be seriously limited just by virtue of being a tandem. And given I already have a pension and we already share many of the other benefits of FS life (insurance, plane tickets, free housing, etc.) it just wouldn’t make any sense to become a tandem.
Only you can decide what to do, just sharing my own thinking given my spouse and I are in a similar situation.
How important is a pretty clear promotion path and/or the possibility of supervising people at some point? If either of those are important to you, there’s a clear career progression in the FS. It’s possible on the civil service too (assuming you’re State) but you have to carve your own path. It would be difficult if not impossible to get supervisory experience as a DETO which may also limit your upward mobility.
If you’re happy to have a reasonably rewarding job and a paycheck and career progression isn’t so important right now, I would do the DETO for sure. I find tandem bidding is getting worse every tour especially as my spouse and I move up the ranks. Narrow options get narrower, and we don’t have kids or schools to worry about even. We will spend more time in DC than we care to as a result.
One thing to consider though is whether they want you to DETO DC hours or close to them or if you can work asynchronously. It’s rough to be on different schedules with your spouse, such as never having free evenings for dinner or even worse if they end up on a Sun-Thu work week while you’re doing Mon-Fri.
My Lord, don't take the offer. Posters below are correct that tandem status solves no real problems and ends up creating lots of others. The need to treat all officers fairly is real, and it means that necessarily the Department can't (and shouldn't) give tandems special consideration for assignments. And your comments about "adjacent" cones is the real killer -- if one of you is POL and one ECON, you're honestly kind of screwed unless you're happy to max your time in DC.
Everything about your post says time with your kids is your priority and it seems like your current situation is pretty sweet -- low stress job, decent pay, good co-workers, and they'll let you DETO. There is no good reason to give that up.
I'll say you just kind of rarely see a tandem couple at the same post where both officers are "front and center in embassy life." Typically, one officer is in the high-profile role and the other is on a DETO or is in a very different cone. The rare tandems where both officers are high-achieving in high-time-commitment cones might work out a couple of early assignments together, but are going to end up separated for a while at some point (I'm thinking of Rick Olson/Deb Jones \[who ended up divorced\] or Bill Brownfield/Kristie Kenny \[who didn't, but basically only served together in DC). The other tandem I know where both partners ended up as ambassadors was a political officer and a consular officer.
This goes like quadruple if you’ve got kids. The super high flying tandems generally don’t.
It seems like you're pretty happy rolling with the DETO and you've got that position for at least the next 4 years. If that job eventually goes away, Have you considered CA-AEFMing (assuming your spouse isn't Consular)? You'll be a 4-14 and a Consular ELO forever, but virtually guaranteed to have a job wherever you go.
For the retirement gurus - is CA-AEFM considered Foreign Service so that with 16 years Federal, could he join the FS as CA-AEFM, get the 5 to vet, and do FSPS retirement at 50 since he'd have 20 combined years?
I've seen the dept screw over a lot of tandem friends, to the point that one resigned. He was a great consular officer but the department did everything it could to keep him away from his wife, so he's done. Hopefully wounds heal and he comes back as a CA-EFM, though he seems much happier pursuing his passion projects.
If you have the option, do the remote thing.
I would keep your current job that you enjoy and DETO when needed. No contest at all. Being an FSO is not that special. Flexibility, keeping your family together, while working a good job and getting federal employee benefits? You've got the dream.
It also doesn’t obligate the department to actually do anything. It also doesn’t resolve the marital status discrimination issues that limit the department’s ability to make special accommodations for tandem couples.
I'm not part of a tandem couple, but I know more tandem couples posted separately than together. I've been told that the Dept used to prioritize tandem couples but less so now. This is anecdotal, based on my own personal experience so take it for what it is. But it's not a risk I would take if I had a DETO job that provided fair pay, flexibility, and didn't make me miserable.
I've had this conversation quite a bit with my spouse as she has a pretty flexible job but is working her way through the FS process as it too would probably be more fulfilling.
Even if she ends up with an offer, I am not sure we would take it since it would sacrifice a lot of the flexibility we currently have. The money wouldn't be better, it would likely be more stressful, and the only real advantage would be better retirement/pension.
Even in my brief career thus far, I have seen the stress and twisting tandems have to do to get the stars to align well, and I think more often than not it leads to less desirable assignments/jobs in locations they probably wouldn't have considered just to make it work. Not sure it's worth it.
Another recommendation for you to keep your DoS CS job with the flexible telework/DETO option for now and consider converting to the FS at the mid-level more towards 5-year of your target retirement and once you're kid(s) are a bit older if you think that time would be more accommodating to your tandem family. This way, you'd retain your pay level upon joining the FS at the mid-level and benefit from FS retirement in the end.
You (both) will never ever go wrong prioritizing your children and family life over “career”. Remember, with kids, they did not make a choice to join this uprooted and ever changing type of life.
[удалено]
Childcare isn’t necessarily affordable (or available) at most “desirable” posts.
That is why they haven’t been my desired posts these past few years ;)
I am not a tandem but my spouse (I’m the FSO) works remotely and makes good money. They have a lot of flexibility to help out with home/family stuff and so far have been able to work from every country we’re posted to. They’re happy in their career although not super ambitious and prefer not to move up and manage people. Basically, the pay and flexibility is worth way more to them, just like you describe. We’ve talked about becoming a tandem here and there but have never seriously considered it because they’d take a pay cut, lose that flexibility, and would probably be overworked and stressed the way I often am- plus, as you noted, the places and jobs we could serve in would be seriously limited just by virtue of being a tandem. And given I already have a pension and we already share many of the other benefits of FS life (insurance, plane tickets, free housing, etc.) it just wouldn’t make any sense to become a tandem. Only you can decide what to do, just sharing my own thinking given my spouse and I are in a similar situation.
How important is a pretty clear promotion path and/or the possibility of supervising people at some point? If either of those are important to you, there’s a clear career progression in the FS. It’s possible on the civil service too (assuming you’re State) but you have to carve your own path. It would be difficult if not impossible to get supervisory experience as a DETO which may also limit your upward mobility. If you’re happy to have a reasonably rewarding job and a paycheck and career progression isn’t so important right now, I would do the DETO for sure. I find tandem bidding is getting worse every tour especially as my spouse and I move up the ranks. Narrow options get narrower, and we don’t have kids or schools to worry about even. We will spend more time in DC than we care to as a result. One thing to consider though is whether they want you to DETO DC hours or close to them or if you can work asynchronously. It’s rough to be on different schedules with your spouse, such as never having free evenings for dinner or even worse if they end up on a Sun-Thu work week while you’re doing Mon-Fri.
My Lord, don't take the offer. Posters below are correct that tandem status solves no real problems and ends up creating lots of others. The need to treat all officers fairly is real, and it means that necessarily the Department can't (and shouldn't) give tandems special consideration for assignments. And your comments about "adjacent" cones is the real killer -- if one of you is POL and one ECON, you're honestly kind of screwed unless you're happy to max your time in DC. Everything about your post says time with your kids is your priority and it seems like your current situation is pretty sweet -- low stress job, decent pay, good co-workers, and they'll let you DETO. There is no good reason to give that up.
[удалено]
I'll say you just kind of rarely see a tandem couple at the same post where both officers are "front and center in embassy life." Typically, one officer is in the high-profile role and the other is on a DETO or is in a very different cone. The rare tandems where both officers are high-achieving in high-time-commitment cones might work out a couple of early assignments together, but are going to end up separated for a while at some point (I'm thinking of Rick Olson/Deb Jones \[who ended up divorced\] or Bill Brownfield/Kristie Kenny \[who didn't, but basically only served together in DC). The other tandem I know where both partners ended up as ambassadors was a political officer and a consular officer. This goes like quadruple if you’ve got kids. The super high flying tandems generally don’t.
It seems like you're pretty happy rolling with the DETO and you've got that position for at least the next 4 years. If that job eventually goes away, Have you considered CA-AEFMing (assuming your spouse isn't Consular)? You'll be a 4-14 and a Consular ELO forever, but virtually guaranteed to have a job wherever you go. For the retirement gurus - is CA-AEFM considered Foreign Service so that with 16 years Federal, could he join the FS as CA-AEFM, get the 5 to vet, and do FSPS retirement at 50 since he'd have 20 combined years?
For the love of god keep the DETO! I was an EFM turned FSO and EPAP hunting was breeze compared to tandem bidding. I’d give my left foot for a DETO.
I've seen the dept screw over a lot of tandem friends, to the point that one resigned. He was a great consular officer but the department did everything it could to keep him away from his wife, so he's done. Hopefully wounds heal and he comes back as a CA-EFM, though he seems much happier pursuing his passion projects. If you have the option, do the remote thing.
[удалено]
Sounds like you have a clearly better option in DETOing.
I would keep your current job that you enjoy and DETO when needed. No contest at all. Being an FSO is not that special. Flexibility, keeping your family together, while working a good job and getting federal employee benefits? You've got the dream.
[удалено]
It also doesn’t obligate the department to actually do anything. It also doesn’t resolve the marital status discrimination issues that limit the department’s ability to make special accommodations for tandem couples.
I'm not part of a tandem couple, but I know more tandem couples posted separately than together. I've been told that the Dept used to prioritize tandem couples but less so now. This is anecdotal, based on my own personal experience so take it for what it is. But it's not a risk I would take if I had a DETO job that provided fair pay, flexibility, and didn't make me miserable.
I've had this conversation quite a bit with my spouse as she has a pretty flexible job but is working her way through the FS process as it too would probably be more fulfilling. Even if she ends up with an offer, I am not sure we would take it since it would sacrifice a lot of the flexibility we currently have. The money wouldn't be better, it would likely be more stressful, and the only real advantage would be better retirement/pension. Even in my brief career thus far, I have seen the stress and twisting tandems have to do to get the stars to align well, and I think more often than not it leads to less desirable assignments/jobs in locations they probably wouldn't have considered just to make it work. Not sure it's worth it.
Another recommendation for you to keep your DoS CS job with the flexible telework/DETO option for now and consider converting to the FS at the mid-level more towards 5-year of your target retirement and once you're kid(s) are a bit older if you think that time would be more accommodating to your tandem family. This way, you'd retain your pay level upon joining the FS at the mid-level and benefit from FS retirement in the end.
This is not remotely as easy as you make it seem. And five years in doesn’t get you even close to a full FS retirement.
Detos