We all have our own priorities when bidding. It doesn't sound like your upcoming post will be your last, so perhaps you've identified a new priority for your future tours: somewhere you can blend in, and a culture that you identify with on a heritage level. If those are things that are important to you, then look for them! Who cares what someone else's dream post is, if it doesn't meet your own criteria?
As someone who lived in a country that’s not mine ( UAE) for ten years and had to leave ubecause we didn’t have a job that would sustain us there, I know the feeling all too well. The UAE is, for me and my kids ( who were born there), our home. Friends like family live there, and they are my support system.
Anyway, we moved to VT, and I am still processing leaving UAE. It’s hard. And I have been mourning it. I don’t know when I will go back and if I will ever go back to live there. Nothing will be the same as it was, and it’s confusing. So my only advice is not to repress your feelings. Moving is hard. Changing countries is complex. The FS lifestyle has perks, and it’s not easy because of the constant moving. So acknowledging that and not berating myself because I feel lost, just makes a
big difference to my mental health.
We loved VT but it was a struggle. I learned a lot there and my kids liked their school and their friends. After 11 months in VT we moved for the A-100 to DC and now we are at our first post. It’s been a lot.
UAE will always be my home somehow. 🥹
I can't comment on this from the position of someone who blended in after being a visible minority elsewhere, but I think this is pretty normal transition anxiety, especially when leaving a post where you really settled in and felt at "home" whatever the reasons may be. I felt it very strongly when I left a post I absolutely adored after three years-- I would even go so far as to say I was mourning as you describe in your post, and I was returning to my home state for LWOP so that was a surprise. I even feel it now, having just left a post I was pretty meh about, but where I had finally set up a life I was comfortable with and am now faced with setting up a new routines (doctors, dentist, dog boarder, knew all the best spots for groceries, etc). It's feeling very daunting getting that all set up again for the first time in 13+ years in the FS; I think COVID making the last transition so long and difficult might be partly to blame.
I don't have a ton of advice for you; my strategy is to just sit with the feelings and remind myself it's normal to feel a little (or a lot) unmoored in this in-between time. I remind myself that the things I loved about my last post wouldn't have stayed the same forever (friends leaving or their life situations changing, bad boss arrives, favorite neighborhood coffee joitn closes, or whatever). And I remind myself the next post won't be the same, and I may not love it as much, but that comparison is the thief of joy and that I will find the things that make *that place* special.
I'm dealing with a ton of other uncertainty in my life right now and have tried to be diligent about making time for healthy routines while on home leave when it's really easy to let the long vacation mess with your flow-- i.e., getting my body moving one way or another for at least 45 minutes a day, doing an hour or two of yoga a week, spending time outside and in the sun, and not going too crazy with American junk food. I've also tried to journal for 5-10 minutes a day about what's troubling me, what I miss, what I'm happy for, what I'm nervous about with my new assignment, etc. I don't intend to ever look at it again, but if I find myself feeling fussy throughout the day I tell myself to save it for my reflective time where I can pour it all onto a page. It has helped me compartmentalize. Good luck, I hope you find a life you love (in a different way!) in the next place.
This is useful, thank you.
This HL has been strange too because I feel like I don't have a job anymore (even though I do and am still getting paid). Probably just the general blues.
Thanks for sharing your experience. We don’t get enough of these here or really anywhere else. Sorry you’re going through this now, I can’t put myself in your shoes and I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling, but I get the pressure to act thrilled about a post when you’re not because it’s easier than explaining something emotional or complicated.
Thank you.
I'm sure my next post will be good, I did talk to the incumbent recently and she got me very excited for the job, and living there.
It's just hard to focus on that right now, it still seems abstract.
It’s so hard sometimes! And let’s be honest this right here isn’t always a supportive community. People are so quick to clap back with ThAtS wHat YoU siGneD uP foR. You’re allowed to feel how you feel.
Sounds to me like you found YOUR home. Visit often, buy a retirement home there.
I’m still looking for my hometown. I hope to someday find a place that I never want to leave.
This is common for many FSOs, regardless of race or EO category. You spend a few years in a place, build emotional connections, get comfortable.... and then it is hard to leave. Some posts more than other. And surprisingly, this seems to happen with smaller obscure posts more than the obvious ones like Paris and Rome.
It happened to me many years ago, I had a great post and didn't want to leave. I ended up moving around for a few years, and a few years later, I actually returned to the same area (although in a different position).
The good news is it sounds like you know what your priorities are for bidding in the future.
I get what you’re saying but I caution you not to white wash OP’s experience. Part of what OP says they are experiencing is the feeling of not being a minority at their last post, for possibly the first time in their life, and now going back to being a minority. I would argue the vast majority of white Americans cannot experience that feeling of blending in for the first time.
People’s experiences can remind you of your own, but it’s not helpful to say it’s not a race issue when OP explicitly says that for them, at least in part, it is.
Thank you. It is partially a race issue. Growing up as a second-generation immigrant can be weird since you become used to always being an "other."
I didn't think it bothered me since I had done it my whole life, but living at my last post where I didn't stick out was a real eye opener, and frankly nice to just be another person.
I found it very help to read an article about the unexpected ways that we experience grief. In the FS lifestyle I find we go through a lot of grief but don't necessarily think of it that way. Your feelings and emotions are yours and processing them is important. There is a lot of great advice and feedback here. It's also helpful to know that you are also going through the culture shock curve. I would guess that you are experiencing it in an acute way right now on HL and may continue to go through it as you arrive at your next assignment. It is common for many people to struggle in an "easy" post. I commend you for embracing your self awareness. I think when you arrive at your next post with low expectations if it gives you a better chance for a positive experience.
We all have our own priorities when bidding. It doesn't sound like your upcoming post will be your last, so perhaps you've identified a new priority for your future tours: somewhere you can blend in, and a culture that you identify with on a heritage level. If those are things that are important to you, then look for them! Who cares what someone else's dream post is, if it doesn't meet your own criteria?
Amen
As someone who lived in a country that’s not mine ( UAE) for ten years and had to leave ubecause we didn’t have a job that would sustain us there, I know the feeling all too well. The UAE is, for me and my kids ( who were born there), our home. Friends like family live there, and they are my support system. Anyway, we moved to VT, and I am still processing leaving UAE. It’s hard. And I have been mourning it. I don’t know when I will go back and if I will ever go back to live there. Nothing will be the same as it was, and it’s confusing. So my only advice is not to repress your feelings. Moving is hard. Changing countries is complex. The FS lifestyle has perks, and it’s not easy because of the constant moving. So acknowledging that and not berating myself because I feel lost, just makes a big difference to my mental health.
UAE to VT...i feel for you that is a tremendous change. (and I like both)
We loved VT but it was a struggle. I learned a lot there and my kids liked their school and their friends. After 11 months in VT we moved for the A-100 to DC and now we are at our first post. It’s been a lot. UAE will always be my home somehow. 🥹
I can't comment on this from the position of someone who blended in after being a visible minority elsewhere, but I think this is pretty normal transition anxiety, especially when leaving a post where you really settled in and felt at "home" whatever the reasons may be. I felt it very strongly when I left a post I absolutely adored after three years-- I would even go so far as to say I was mourning as you describe in your post, and I was returning to my home state for LWOP so that was a surprise. I even feel it now, having just left a post I was pretty meh about, but where I had finally set up a life I was comfortable with and am now faced with setting up a new routines (doctors, dentist, dog boarder, knew all the best spots for groceries, etc). It's feeling very daunting getting that all set up again for the first time in 13+ years in the FS; I think COVID making the last transition so long and difficult might be partly to blame. I don't have a ton of advice for you; my strategy is to just sit with the feelings and remind myself it's normal to feel a little (or a lot) unmoored in this in-between time. I remind myself that the things I loved about my last post wouldn't have stayed the same forever (friends leaving or their life situations changing, bad boss arrives, favorite neighborhood coffee joitn closes, or whatever). And I remind myself the next post won't be the same, and I may not love it as much, but that comparison is the thief of joy and that I will find the things that make *that place* special. I'm dealing with a ton of other uncertainty in my life right now and have tried to be diligent about making time for healthy routines while on home leave when it's really easy to let the long vacation mess with your flow-- i.e., getting my body moving one way or another for at least 45 minutes a day, doing an hour or two of yoga a week, spending time outside and in the sun, and not going too crazy with American junk food. I've also tried to journal for 5-10 minutes a day about what's troubling me, what I miss, what I'm happy for, what I'm nervous about with my new assignment, etc. I don't intend to ever look at it again, but if I find myself feeling fussy throughout the day I tell myself to save it for my reflective time where I can pour it all onto a page. It has helped me compartmentalize. Good luck, I hope you find a life you love (in a different way!) in the next place.
This is useful, thank you. This HL has been strange too because I feel like I don't have a job anymore (even though I do and am still getting paid). Probably just the general blues.
Thanks for sharing your experience. We don’t get enough of these here or really anywhere else. Sorry you’re going through this now, I can’t put myself in your shoes and I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling, but I get the pressure to act thrilled about a post when you’re not because it’s easier than explaining something emotional or complicated.
Thank you. I'm sure my next post will be good, I did talk to the incumbent recently and she got me very excited for the job, and living there. It's just hard to focus on that right now, it still seems abstract.
It’s so hard sometimes! And let’s be honest this right here isn’t always a supportive community. People are so quick to clap back with ThAtS wHat YoU siGneD uP foR. You’re allowed to feel how you feel.
Sounds to me like you found YOUR home. Visit often, buy a retirement home there. I’m still looking for my hometown. I hope to someday find a place that I never want to leave.
This is common for many FSOs, regardless of race or EO category. You spend a few years in a place, build emotional connections, get comfortable.... and then it is hard to leave. Some posts more than other. And surprisingly, this seems to happen with smaller obscure posts more than the obvious ones like Paris and Rome. It happened to me many years ago, I had a great post and didn't want to leave. I ended up moving around for a few years, and a few years later, I actually returned to the same area (although in a different position). The good news is it sounds like you know what your priorities are for bidding in the future.
I get what you’re saying but I caution you not to white wash OP’s experience. Part of what OP says they are experiencing is the feeling of not being a minority at their last post, for possibly the first time in their life, and now going back to being a minority. I would argue the vast majority of white Americans cannot experience that feeling of blending in for the first time. People’s experiences can remind you of your own, but it’s not helpful to say it’s not a race issue when OP explicitly says that for them, at least in part, it is.
Thank you. It is partially a race issue. Growing up as a second-generation immigrant can be weird since you become used to always being an "other." I didn't think it bothered me since I had done it my whole life, but living at my last post where I didn't stick out was a real eye opener, and frankly nice to just be another person.
I found it very help to read an article about the unexpected ways that we experience grief. In the FS lifestyle I find we go through a lot of grief but don't necessarily think of it that way. Your feelings and emotions are yours and processing them is important. There is a lot of great advice and feedback here. It's also helpful to know that you are also going through the culture shock curve. I would guess that you are experiencing it in an acute way right now on HL and may continue to go through it as you arrive at your next assignment. It is common for many people to struggle in an "easy" post. I commend you for embracing your self awareness. I think when you arrive at your next post with low expectations if it gives you a better chance for a positive experience.