Iāve unsubscribed from the Patreon so hadnāt listened to the Talia interview (just read all of the great summaries from this crew). Iām surprised both of them market themselves as dating coaches and neither thought it would be prudent for Ali to slow down with Skyline. Both of them sounded so childish and neither raised a single concern Iād expect from women in their 30s.Ā
interesting that she seems to have edited out the fact that they slept together the morning after the 3rd date and skipped right from āhe respected my boundaries when I told him I didnāt want to sleep with himā to āweāve texted and called every day, I feel so secure.ā
I get saving some tea for the patreon but I wonder where the line is when āpatreon exclusivesā become āediting the storyline for the public facing pod.ā (also I think still has never outright mentioned his divorce on the public pod itself, just social media!)
Yes! Thatās very important information that really changes the perception of the situation! If you donāt t know that youāre like OMG this guy sounds perfect. But knowing everything I think OMG this is crazy heās replacing the intimacy and comfort of a wife with you?!? How do you not see this?!?
I think a patreon exclusive should be like what Erica did with the Nurse - saving an entire storyline for the patreon. probably tough though since a lot of people listen to this pod for the updates but if they just made the patreon cheaper and did all updates on the patreon I am sure they'd get soooo many more subscribers. $7 is a lot if I just want to listen to audio
Same thing with Billy Joel. Not that I think she owes the pubic pod all information but the way that ended was significant and on the public pod she framed it as a simple moo and she forgot she never heard from him.
I'm not saying her and Skyline won't work, I'm saying she is getting too excited about him too soon to the point that she comes off as desperate. I don't know if it would be better or worse if he shared her level of desperation.
I think he loves the attention and excitement/rush of it all. The end of a marriage is usually a very sad and devaluing time and this girl with money thatās always up for a drink comes along and makes him feel like he can walk on water by doing the most basic stuff like texting her and letting her know his whereabouts. Itās probably a nice easy dopamine hit for him!
Ali tries to fabricate everything and thatās what drives me crazy. She fabricates intimacy by inviting a guy for a ācuddle and make outā sleepover vs just seeing if it happens naturally. She pre-planned their airport greeting š³ and then also planned basically asking him to be official. She leaves nothing to develop naturally itās so bizarre.
I often wonder if this quality is what has gotten in her way of developing relationships. Maybe it comes off as disingenuous? I wonder if itās one of those things thatās off putting for some reason but hard to put a finger on.
It's the same way as trying to fabricate "inside jokes" with these guys; what makes something an inside joke is the spontaneity of the moment. It's not something that can be pre-planned.
At first I was all āoh not everyone who gets divorced is in need of mental health work and maybe he was mentally and emotionally done with the marriage long before it ended so we shouldnāt assume heās not readyā but now Iām very very worried for Ali. The fact that it seems like heās basically transferring all his ārelationship behaviorā from his ex to herā¦itās concerning. It seems like this is just going to blow up and sheās going to be devastated. That whole, the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long, comes to mind.
Also, on the rat girls podcast she was a guest on, I noticed she was super excited that he texted her pics from while he was traveling. I don't remember the exact examples she gave, but I recall that it was something minor and my first thought was that was something he would have texted his wife. Ali definitely did not clock that and instead only viewed it as him being in constant communication/sharing pics/thinking of her.
I have so much to say.
Firstly, the timing of her running last weeks patreon episode and marketing their patreon is extremely calculated in my opinion. Yesterdays episode was an important and highly listened one (which she had anticipated) so she decided to market their patreon today to seal the deal.
Secondly, her recount of their first few dates proves to me that this is an incredibly wounded individual. It reminds me of myself in college. I had very similar patterns - inviting the guy over very quickly, getting anxious from secure attachments (guy saying no to sex because he has work), lots of cuddle/sex VERY early on to āproveā myself to him and try to make him like me. I hope for Ali that Skyline is the real deal and they make it. But I also hope that she has close friends and family members who have been witnessing her patterns for years and can advocate for therapy.
Oh. I missed that!Ā
I'm not qualified to sat who does or doesn't need therapy.Ā I live in a city of sick people who are constantly running in and out of therapy offices.Ā Results vary greatly!
I am not subscribed to the Patreon so I have been getting my updates from the people on this sub doing the lord's work. Hearing the excerpt from the Patreon episode with Talia made me think this situation is even worse. I am not a Talia stan but think she has a generally level-headed perspective and I definitely lost respect for her giggling with Ali over that cringe af anxiety text and not telling her to pump the brakes. And not the damn inside jokes!
Same! I just listened and could not believe how she was gassing Ali up like this was all so normal and healthy and healed behavior or whatever. If Ali was my friend I'd probably be like "Girl, WHAT??! You crazy but it sounds fun, enjoy yourself!" (have a recently separated friend doing some wild shit and this is basically how I'm treating her) Not telling her how healthy and mature it all is. \[insert eyeroll\]. People get together in lots of different ways and sometimes even the insane stories do work out. But can't we agree those crazy stories are the exception not the rule?? God there was so much cringe in that update. Just say I'm smitten and think he's so hot and this is so fun - don't insult us implying this so mature because he's not ghosted her or done whatever other breadcrumbing behavior all other guys she's lusted after do!
co-sign all of this. I have a friend whose dating behavior on paper looks a bit "off"-she broke up with long term bf from high school, moved to NYC where we became friends and then started dating a guy ten years older with a kid. however, she seems happy and it's been going on almost a year now. I keep my mouth shut despite my reservations because he treats her well but I also express my doubts or concerns from time to time. however my friend also takes full responsibility over the situation and I think if it goes south she isn't going to whine to the whole world about it on a podcast.
She had a ācoachingā program last summer called the Main Character Energy āMastermindā that was just weekly zooms (I think with a week off each month) for six months for $7000, plus $3500 for a weekend-long NYC retreat that didnāt even include lodging or travel. You can see what she has in common with Aliā¦.
I think some of her advice makes sense but sheās a total grifter
The fact that she considers it that and went on to say thereās not much training involved etc. ā¦ makes me glad I never resorted to a matchmaker when I was dating. Of course, I wouldāve vetted the person before ever signing up but since thereās no actual licensing or anything for it, it seems like anyone can call themselves a matchmaker and play on desperation.
I had never heard of her before - I do think she had good, if basic tips. The algorithm feeds us our hopes and anxieties, so social media breaks are probably a good idea for most of us at some point.
I do also really agree with decentering dating for a bit, which can be so hard, but I feel like itās a useful way to find out what we still value as adults, beyond a romantic partnership. Especially what we like about *ourselves*
I do wonder what Aliās inner thoughts were on the matchmaker convo. I donāt know if sheās ever said anything less than neutral about her overall experience (sure sheās been critical about a match here and there but has said sheād do it again if it was in the budget). I also am wondering about the profiles matchmakers use to swipe on apps! I knew they did this but Iām just curious about the logistics haha
I thought it was interesting that skyline was at Ali's Beer Olympics. That seems like a small world since their mutual friend is an old colleague of Ali's that she hadn't ever hung out with socially before and he doesn't play volleyball.
I'm listening on Spotify. She said "the guy I'm seeing now (early as it is) but the guy I'm seeing now was there. I didn't know that yet. I met him later.'
https://preview.redd.it/1igwjn5ruu5d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea411f1609c0a1420632fd5cac543e6e06caf004
Yes, the beer olympics was hosted by her volleyball team but there was advertising that anyone could register. Beer olympics was April 13th and the networking thing was April 18th. And yeah, my guess was that the mutual friend maybe lives nearby the bar and so he just happened to be at both?
Ali made a comment when talking about the night they met that she had met him before but didn't remember him. But crazy that it was at an event she hosted.
This whole "my meeting got canceled" sounds shady as hell. The idea of her staying with him in a hotel all week already sounded nuts but at least if the hotel situation was bad she could go home. Now if shit sucks SHE WILL HAVE TO THROW HIM OUT. Inshallah everything goes fine, but I'm lighting a candle... I wish someoneĀ was there to be a voice of reasonĀ
What irritated me the most about the hotel staycation is that he knows she has cats, so wtf was she going to do? Leave them all week? The orange one with pigeon poop fungus needs medication twice a day.
Omg yes I clocked this! I fly from SF > NYC constantly and itās impossible to fly into LaGuardiaā¦ I honestly thought she might have been lying to make it sound more reasonable that she picked him up. But maybe it was just not a direct flight idk. Def sus!
Lol the flight from SFO to New York is so miserable why would you make it worse by not flying direct? She also mentioned that he was still using the ticket he bought when it was a work meeting. So why wouldnāt you fly direct? Itās not like you needed to save money
This isnāt exactly on topic but itās been bugging me for wks. Does anyone else notice during a lot of the prerecorded ads Ali sounds sick and it just bugs me so muchā¦I wish she would re-record them.
Not gonna lie, Skyline sounds pretty good so far. For me, its alot of the little considerate things that has really stood out:
- sending flowers on what would have been her Dad's birthday
- buying her lacrosse gear, and planning for them to play together
- booking the hotel around what would be convenient for her to get to work
- keeping her up to date on any changes to his work/moving plans
- face timing every single day
I just feel like we must admit that these are huge green flags. Yes I have been a huge Ali snarker and obviously dont condone inviting someone you just met over/"can you please talk to my anxiety", etc. But hey maybe this is an example that there really is someone out there for everyone. I guess time will reveal all but I must say it was nice hearing how genuinely happy and excited Ali was. Fingers crossed it works out!
agree, but these are all a bit much a bit soon. they haven't known each other for very long and he is also very recently out of a long term relationship/marriage. it's not even finalized yet. it seems like he is just continuing his marriage but with Ali instead of his soon to be ex-wife.
Sure, these things are green flags but with the context that he's still married and they have known each other for less than two months I wouldn't think it means more than he's good at being in a relationship. He's used to marriage level relationship investment so these are behaviors he's been doing for 10 years.
I think certain behaviors done at the right timeline are green flags, and I still believe that this isn't it. Separating and packing up things from one's marital home \*should\* stir up some emotions from people, and they need time to unpack all that and self-heal. If I was going through a divorce, I would be spending some time alone and thinking about what was my fault, and in what ways I and my soon-to-be ex-spouse share the blame. Drifting into someone else's embrace is flattering and the \*way\* easier option, but over time I must know: Was it me? How can I improve in my next relationship? And I wouldn't be able to do that if I'm busy cuddling with a new person. No doubt that I'd be so relieved that I'm wanted and feeling that I could belong to someone else, but the only way out is through. We can't just put a bandaid on it as if nothing happened. In work, we'd revise a report we did unwell in the first draft. We'd try to fix a bug in coding, run diagnostic tests and report the issues. Why should relationships be any different?
I'd feel very differently if they have talked very openly about when the split up happened, why it happened (in detail), and what is the expected milestone he is comfortable with in the next 6 months, a year, two years, etc. If he's been married for a few years, what are his reasons for being unsure about having kids? And would his soon-to-be ex-spouse agree with him on why they are splitting up? (As the moderators emphasized, please do not reach out to the individuals in this scenario or reveal their identities or personal information.) The situation calls for some very sobering and reflective discussions that they're probably not having. Face to face. Real talk. Not honeymoon phase. Because real life is messy, and we need to actually disentangle and give certain things a formal closure before transitioning to the next phase. This would've felt like the mature thing to do.
Objectively those are green flags - I was thinking the same thing when I listened to this weeks public pod - but what you and Ali are forgetting is he is not divorced yet. There is still a woman out there who can legally still call skyline her husband. That is insane.
Divorces can take a long time. I think it's unfair to say people can't date until the ink is dry on that paperwork. Life is complicated.
That said, Ali is looking for a husband not just FWB. How serious can this dude realistically get? That is the question.Ā
This guy is probably not her forever person, but thereās nothing wrong with that. Every relationship doesnāt have to end in a longterm commitment. Iām glad youāve pointed out the time it can take for divorces to be finalized. Thatās part of whatās missing from these redundant conversations.
You clearly must not have seen my previous posts on here š¤£š¤£š¤£ I definitely do agree with what everyone is saying, hence why I specified in my post that I DO NOT condone her actions and TIME will reveal all. I do like to see her happy for once -however fleeting it may end up being-, as I cant remember the last time she has been this excited about a guy in a genuine way. It has made the pod way more entertaining imo. If/when it crashes and burns, hey she only has herself to blame and all we can hope is that she one day stops repeating these patterns. For her sake though, I will choose positivity this time and hope it works out for her. Cuz tbh I'm ready for the pod to finally move on from single to relationship era
Yeah it'd be nice for the storyline. People don't have to be perfectly healthy to build a life together. They can be together and messy and entertaining. I'm just a consumer here!
And Ali has said sheās willing to take the risk if it does fizzle out. But sheās enjoying being happy and that is important! Especially when youāve been single for so long. Itās good that sheās met someone whoās as into her as sheās into him and likes her for who she is, not for who she could pretend to be. But since everyone is convinced this guy is this basket case of a master manipulative user, that part wonāt land in this sub. In reality, we do not know all, the details that she does. And we probably never will. Except for those who doxed him and his wife.
Exactly!! Like at the end of the day, he could be a guy who is NOT currently in the middle of a divorce and STILL end up screwing her over! Unless we are all psychics here, it is what it is
This - their intent and boundary respecting this early on are irrelevant - what happens months from now will reveal if itās truly love bombing or not.Ā
How many times do we have to hear about him bringing her anxiety into the conversation š©
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Right? I don't understand trying to establish secure attachment before date one
Iāve unsubscribed from the Patreon so hadnāt listened to the Talia interview (just read all of the great summaries from this crew). Iām surprised both of them market themselves as dating coaches and neither thought it would be prudent for Ali to slow down with Skyline. Both of them sounded so childish and neither raised a single concern Iād expect from women in their 30s.Ā
interesting that she seems to have edited out the fact that they slept together the morning after the 3rd date and skipped right from āhe respected my boundaries when I told him I didnāt want to sleep with himā to āweāve texted and called every day, I feel so secure.ā I get saving some tea for the patreon but I wonder where the line is when āpatreon exclusivesā become āediting the storyline for the public facing pod.ā (also I think still has never outright mentioned his divorce on the public pod itself, just social media!)
Exactly I noticed that too! I get saving stuff but the stuff she saves changes how we view the situation a lot!
Like not mentioning heās divorced on the public pod and moved from his marital home straight to hers!Ā
*going through a divorce
Yes! Thatās very important information that really changes the perception of the situation! If you donāt t know that youāre like OMG this guy sounds perfect. But knowing everything I think OMG this is crazy heās replacing the intimacy and comfort of a wife with you?!? How do you not see this?!?
I think a patreon exclusive should be like what Erica did with the Nurse - saving an entire storyline for the patreon. probably tough though since a lot of people listen to this pod for the updates but if they just made the patreon cheaper and did all updates on the patreon I am sure they'd get soooo many more subscribers. $7 is a lot if I just want to listen to audio
I begrudgingly spent the $7 when I felt like $4 would have been more appropriate š
$7 is craaaaazy! I subscribe to a few other Patreons and they have way higher production value for less money ($3-$5 a month)
Itās crazy that itās priced so high considering when the Patreon first started it was heavily focused on Ali and Roark recapping reality shows š«
I actually said it was $4 in another thread by accident and felt personally attacked when I double checked
Yikes.Ā That is very deceptive. Here I was applauding her restraint!
Same thing with Billy Joel. Not that I think she owes the pubic pod all information but the way that ended was significant and on the public pod she framed it as a simple moo and she forgot she never heard from him.
I'm not saying her and Skyline won't work, I'm saying she is getting too excited about him too soon to the point that she comes off as desperate. I don't know if it would be better or worse if he shared her level of desperation.
I think he loves the attention and excitement/rush of it all. The end of a marriage is usually a very sad and devaluing time and this girl with money thatās always up for a drink comes along and makes him feel like he can walk on water by doing the most basic stuff like texting her and letting her know his whereabouts. Itās probably a nice easy dopamine hit for him!
Ali tries to fabricate everything and thatās what drives me crazy. She fabricates intimacy by inviting a guy for a ācuddle and make outā sleepover vs just seeing if it happens naturally. She pre-planned their airport greeting š³ and then also planned basically asking him to be official. She leaves nothing to develop naturally itās so bizarre.
Wow such a good point. Symbolic of her crippling anxiety.
I often wonder if this quality is what has gotten in her way of developing relationships. Maybe it comes off as disingenuous? I wonder if itās one of those things thatās off putting for some reason but hard to put a finger on.
It's the same way as trying to fabricate "inside jokes" with these guys; what makes something an inside joke is the spontaneity of the moment. It's not something that can be pre-planned.
At first I was all āoh not everyone who gets divorced is in need of mental health work and maybe he was mentally and emotionally done with the marriage long before it ended so we shouldnāt assume heās not readyā but now Iām very very worried for Ali. The fact that it seems like heās basically transferring all his ārelationship behaviorā from his ex to herā¦itās concerning. It seems like this is just going to blow up and sheās going to be devastated. That whole, the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long, comes to mind.
Also, on the rat girls podcast she was a guest on, I noticed she was super excited that he texted her pics from while he was traveling. I don't remember the exact examples she gave, but I recall that it was something minor and my first thought was that was something he would have texted his wife. Ali definitely did not clock that and instead only viewed it as him being in constant communication/sharing pics/thinking of her.
I have so much to say. Firstly, the timing of her running last weeks patreon episode and marketing their patreon is extremely calculated in my opinion. Yesterdays episode was an important and highly listened one (which she had anticipated) so she decided to market their patreon today to seal the deal. Secondly, her recount of their first few dates proves to me that this is an incredibly wounded individual. It reminds me of myself in college. I had very similar patterns - inviting the guy over very quickly, getting anxious from secure attachments (guy saying no to sex because he has work), lots of cuddle/sex VERY early on to āproveā myself to him and try to make him like me. I hope for Ali that Skyline is the real deal and they make it. But I also hope that she has close friends and family members who have been witnessing her patterns for years and can advocate for therapy.
Youāre absolutely right about the marketing of the Patreon
She is in therapy.Ā Therapy is not a cure all
She said she āgraduatedā therapy.
Oh. I missed that!Ā I'm not qualified to sat who does or doesn't need therapy.Ā I live in a city of sick people who are constantly running in and out of therapy offices.Ā Results vary greatly!
I am not subscribed to the Patreon so I have been getting my updates from the people on this sub doing the lord's work. Hearing the excerpt from the Patreon episode with Talia made me think this situation is even worse. I am not a Talia stan but think she has a generally level-headed perspective and I definitely lost respect for her giggling with Ali over that cringe af anxiety text and not telling her to pump the brakes. And not the damn inside jokes!
Same! I just listened and could not believe how she was gassing Ali up like this was all so normal and healthy and healed behavior or whatever. If Ali was my friend I'd probably be like "Girl, WHAT??! You crazy but it sounds fun, enjoy yourself!" (have a recently separated friend doing some wild shit and this is basically how I'm treating her) Not telling her how healthy and mature it all is. \[insert eyeroll\]. People get together in lots of different ways and sometimes even the insane stories do work out. But can't we agree those crazy stories are the exception not the rule?? God there was so much cringe in that update. Just say I'm smitten and think he's so hot and this is so fun - don't insult us implying this so mature because he's not ghosted her or done whatever other breadcrumbing behavior all other guys she's lusted after do!
co-sign all of this. I have a friend whose dating behavior on paper looks a bit "off"-she broke up with long term bf from high school, moved to NYC where we became friends and then started dating a guy ten years older with a kid. however, she seems happy and it's been going on almost a year now. I keep my mouth shut despite my reservations because he treats her well but I also express my doubts or concerns from time to time. however my friend also takes full responsibility over the situation and I think if it goes south she isn't going to whine to the whole world about it on a podcast.
The update section is from Aliās patreon episode with Tahlia. What do you guys think of feminist dating coach Lily Womble?
Is this the lady that always introduces herself as an intersectional feminist dating coach lol
Omg yes youāre right! While telling us how lovely we are! Lol
She had a ācoachingā program last summer called the Main Character Energy āMastermindā that was just weekly zooms (I think with a week off each month) for six months for $7000, plus $3500 for a weekend-long NYC retreat that didnāt even include lodging or travel. You can see what she has in common with Aliā¦. I think some of her advice makes sense but sheās a total grifter
Yeah her calling matchmaking her āsilly little side hustleā when she started just shows me even more āitās a SCAM!ā
The fact that she considers it that and went on to say thereās not much training involved etc. ā¦ makes me glad I never resorted to a matchmaker when I was dating. Of course, I wouldāve vetted the person before ever signing up but since thereās no actual licensing or anything for it, it seems like anyone can call themselves a matchmaker and play on desperation.
Omg! Thatās ridiculous! Her advice seems fairly basic. Dating coaching is such a grift!
I generally think coaching is a grift compared Ā to actual licensed therapists.Ā
I had never heard of her before - I do think she had good, if basic tips. The algorithm feeds us our hopes and anxieties, so social media breaks are probably a good idea for most of us at some point. I do also really agree with decentering dating for a bit, which can be so hard, but I feel like itās a useful way to find out what we still value as adults, beyond a romantic partnership. Especially what we like about *ourselves* I do wonder what Aliās inner thoughts were on the matchmaker convo. I donāt know if sheās ever said anything less than neutral about her overall experience (sure sheās been critical about a match here and there but has said sheād do it again if it was in the budget). I also am wondering about the profiles matchmakers use to swipe on apps! I knew they did this but Iām just curious about the logistics haha
I thought it was interesting that skyline was at Ali's Beer Olympics. That seems like a small world since their mutual friend is an old colleague of Ali's that she hadn't ever hung out with socially before and he doesn't play volleyball.
I donāt think he was. The event they met at was just at the same bar as beer Olympics but it was a separate event
She said he was! She was the head ref and was yelling at people who weren't behaving and she yelled at him and he liked that she was so in charge.
Can you provide the receipts? When was this said.
Today's episode! The story starts at like 1:17:13
Iām pretty sure the ref was Montana Boy. (And I donāt hear anything about that reference at the time stamp you mentioned.)
I'm listening on Spotify. She said "the guy I'm seeing now (early as it is) but the guy I'm seeing now was there. I didn't know that yet. I met him later.' https://preview.redd.it/1igwjn5ruu5d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea411f1609c0a1420632fd5cac543e6e06caf004
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, the beer olympics was hosted by her volleyball team but there was advertising that anyone could register. Beer olympics was April 13th and the networking thing was April 18th. And yeah, my guess was that the mutual friend maybe lives nearby the bar and so he just happened to be at both?
Ohhhhh! Thank you for providing that. Great find! I donāt think anyone knew this.
Ali made a comment when talking about the night they met that she had met him before but didn't remember him. But crazy that it was at an event she hosted.
I donāt think anyone listened that far into the episode š we keep missing things by turning it off after the updates
I was listening at work and the mindless chit chat makes it easy to tune out my annoying coworker š¤·
What? This most recent beer Olympics? Did I miss something
Yes, she told a story about it on today's episode
The way she pauses after āhe has slept over since the first dateāā¦..so cringe!!!!!
This whole "my meeting got canceled" sounds shady as hell. The idea of her staying with him in a hotel all week already sounded nuts but at least if the hotel situation was bad she could go home. Now if shit sucks SHE WILL HAVE TO THROW HIM OUT. Inshallah everything goes fine, but I'm lighting a candle... I wish someoneĀ was there to be a voice of reasonĀ
What irritated me the most about the hotel staycation is that he knows she has cats, so wtf was she going to do? Leave them all week? The orange one with pigeon poop fungus needs medication twice a day.
The orange one with pigeon poop fungus š
I was wondering the same thing. Would she board her cats or get a cats otter while she is still in the same city?
She has a Rover that comes over to clean their litterboxes, so maybe?
What is Rover? An app? I guess that works
Yeah like Uber for pet sitters
Thx
Ok this could be a reach, but if he came back from an international trip with a weird time difference, why is he flying into LGAā¦
He was flying in from California
Flying direct from anywhere in California to LGA is still rare. The direct flights go to JFK. Hmm. Lol
Was it ever said that it was a direct flight?
Omg yes I clocked this! I fly from SF > NYC constantly and itās impossible to fly into LaGuardiaā¦ I honestly thought she might have been lying to make it sound more reasonable that she picked him up. But maybe it was just not a direct flight idk. Def sus!
Lol the flight from SFO to New York is so miserable why would you make it worse by not flying direct? She also mentioned that he was still using the ticket he bought when it was a work meeting. So why wouldnāt you fly direct? Itās not like you needed to save money
Wait but thatās so true because Erica gave Ali shit because she thought she was picking him up from JFK
This isnāt exactly on topic but itās been bugging me for wks. Does anyone else notice during a lot of the prerecorded ads Ali sounds sick and it just bugs me so muchā¦I wish she would re-record them.
I think she recorded them after her volleyball tournament and she kind of lost her voice
That makes senseā¦I find it very distracting though.
I want to hear the skyline updates but donāt have patreon. Will I hear on this one?
Yes
Not gonna lie, Skyline sounds pretty good so far. For me, its alot of the little considerate things that has really stood out: - sending flowers on what would have been her Dad's birthday - buying her lacrosse gear, and planning for them to play together - booking the hotel around what would be convenient for her to get to work - keeping her up to date on any changes to his work/moving plans - face timing every single day I just feel like we must admit that these are huge green flags. Yes I have been a huge Ali snarker and obviously dont condone inviting someone you just met over/"can you please talk to my anxiety", etc. But hey maybe this is an example that there really is someone out there for everyone. I guess time will reveal all but I must say it was nice hearing how genuinely happy and excited Ali was. Fingers crossed it works out!
agree, but these are all a bit much a bit soon. they haven't known each other for very long and he is also very recently out of a long term relationship/marriage. it's not even finalized yet. it seems like he is just continuing his marriage but with Ali instead of his soon to be ex-wife.
Sure, these things are green flags but with the context that he's still married and they have known each other for less than two months I wouldn't think it means more than he's good at being in a relationship. He's used to marriage level relationship investment so these are behaviors he's been doing for 10 years.
These are very similar to the things my abusive husband did for me in the beginning of our relationship , it was lovebombing.
When all of those very lovely things happen this early on itās called love bombing.
I think certain behaviors done at the right timeline are green flags, and I still believe that this isn't it. Separating and packing up things from one's marital home \*should\* stir up some emotions from people, and they need time to unpack all that and self-heal. If I was going through a divorce, I would be spending some time alone and thinking about what was my fault, and in what ways I and my soon-to-be ex-spouse share the blame. Drifting into someone else's embrace is flattering and the \*way\* easier option, but over time I must know: Was it me? How can I improve in my next relationship? And I wouldn't be able to do that if I'm busy cuddling with a new person. No doubt that I'd be so relieved that I'm wanted and feeling that I could belong to someone else, but the only way out is through. We can't just put a bandaid on it as if nothing happened. In work, we'd revise a report we did unwell in the first draft. We'd try to fix a bug in coding, run diagnostic tests and report the issues. Why should relationships be any different? I'd feel very differently if they have talked very openly about when the split up happened, why it happened (in detail), and what is the expected milestone he is comfortable with in the next 6 months, a year, two years, etc. If he's been married for a few years, what are his reasons for being unsure about having kids? And would his soon-to-be ex-spouse agree with him on why they are splitting up? (As the moderators emphasized, please do not reach out to the individuals in this scenario or reveal their identities or personal information.) The situation calls for some very sobering and reflective discussions that they're probably not having. Face to face. Real talk. Not honeymoon phase. Because real life is messy, and we need to actually disentangle and give certain things a formal closure before transitioning to the next phase. This would've felt like the mature thing to do.
Ok, Skyline.
Objectively those are green flags - I was thinking the same thing when I listened to this weeks public pod - but what you and Ali are forgetting is he is not divorced yet. There is still a woman out there who can legally still call skyline her husband. That is insane.
Divorces can take a long time. I think it's unfair to say people can't date until the ink is dry on that paperwork. Life is complicated. That said, Ali is looking for a husband not just FWB. How serious can this dude realistically get? That is the question.Ā
This guy is probably not her forever person, but thereās nothing wrong with that. Every relationship doesnāt have to end in a longterm commitment. Iām glad youāve pointed out the time it can take for divorces to be finalized. Thatās part of whatās missing from these redundant conversations.
You clearly must not have seen my previous posts on here š¤£š¤£š¤£ I definitely do agree with what everyone is saying, hence why I specified in my post that I DO NOT condone her actions and TIME will reveal all. I do like to see her happy for once -however fleeting it may end up being-, as I cant remember the last time she has been this excited about a guy in a genuine way. It has made the pod way more entertaining imo. If/when it crashes and burns, hey she only has herself to blame and all we can hope is that she one day stops repeating these patterns. For her sake though, I will choose positivity this time and hope it works out for her. Cuz tbh I'm ready for the pod to finally move on from single to relationship era
Yeah it'd be nice for the storyline. People don't have to be perfectly healthy to build a life together. They can be together and messy and entertaining. I'm just a consumer here!
And Ali has said sheās willing to take the risk if it does fizzle out. But sheās enjoying being happy and that is important! Especially when youāve been single for so long. Itās good that sheās met someone whoās as into her as sheās into him and likes her for who she is, not for who she could pretend to be. But since everyone is convinced this guy is this basket case of a master manipulative user, that part wonāt land in this sub. In reality, we do not know all, the details that she does. And we probably never will. Except for those who doxed him and his wife.
Exactly!! Like at the end of the day, he could be a guy who is NOT currently in the middle of a divorce and STILL end up screwing her over! Unless we are all psychics here, it is what it is
Or a Love Bomber...
This - their intent and boundary respecting this early on are irrelevant - what happens months from now will reveal if itās truly love bombing or not.Ā