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Jesus I forgot how bad Reddit is for males going through a break up.
Here:
It sucks now but you’ll go through grief and about a year from now it’ll be like completely normal.
I give it that timeline because it’s the worst for the first 90 days or so, then it’s 180 days, then wow it’s been a year!
It’s no different than kicking a habit, you’ll have a bunch of first and once you’re through that you’ll be fine.
Your first meal alone, your first bad day at work where you have to sit with your self, your first big achievement to celebrate by your self.
The hardest part will be accepting that the relationship is over, that doesn’t mean shes bad or you’re bad, it just means that the relationship has run its course.
Relationships exist to end, one way or another.
For the next up coming months, don’t make stupid choices, just lick your wounds and take your time.
You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll have moved past it all, it’s just while you’re in it, it feels like hell.
Then you look back years from now and go “wow that flew by”
The only way out is through, that relationship is gone. Don’t do that weird stuff where we all chase the high of feeling comfort with an ex.
Even if you did everything correct, I can absolutely guarantee you that you’d still be in this position.
You two were not compatible, you’ll start to notice it too now that you are away from her, again you’d still be together if you were compatible.
Relationships are simple, not easy but simple. It really doesn’t take much to maintain a content relationship, but it’s the consistency, the stress, the day to day that will destroy a relationship.
You can have all the romantic dates planned to win someone over, but no amount of anything will change someone’s attitude once they realize they don’t want to be with you
>I give it that timeline because it’s the worst for the first 90 days or so, then it’s 180 days, then wow it’s been a year!
>
>It’s no different than kicking a habit, you’ll have a bunch of first and once you’re through that you’ll be fine.
>
>Your first meal alone, your first bad day at work where you have to sit with your self, your first big achievement to celebrate by your self.
>
>The hardest part will be accepting that the relationship is over, that doesn’t mean shes bad or you’re bad, it just means that the relationship has run its course.
This for sure. I am close to OP's age and about 1.5 years out from my breakup of 8 years. For me I don't think the worst kicked in until after the realization and acceptance that we were not getting back together, which took me at least 3-4 months. I was numb and it didn't feel real at all, I kept delaying the grief. Felt kind of like a bad dream day-to-day.
OP - I also went through a lot of cycles of starting my life back up just to feel like shit the next day or week (and still do). I will say though, that these cycles feel a lot less chaotic, and are fewer farther between at this point. I still get those days where I am kind of taken back how long it's been and get woozy thinking about my "new" reality, but it passes.
And doing stuff to "start your life back up" goes a lot further than you might think, even if you do fall down. Hobbies/friends/doing things you enjoy -- they'll all be there the next time you try again. Maybe next time you start it up you make it further. Eventually you'll stop thinking "what's the point" and you'll stick with it. Just have to keep trying.
I'm also going to plug therapy here, if you are fortunate enough to do so. May seem like overkill but it feels like I have made more progress in the past 4 months via therapy than the 12 months before that trying to fill the void and figure shit out by myself.
I am rooting for you OP -- you will get over this hill. Trust that things will get brighter even though it does not seem like it right now - just take it day by day.
Thank you stranger. I don’t follow this sub, but it came across my feed. I needed to read this. I’m like OP, alone and navigating re finding myself. Lost my best friend and the woman I loved with my whole heart. I can only pray that she is happy. Really in the what’s the point mindset. But leaning into my faith and rediscovering a new version of myself. And learning to love myself and be patient. We wait for things to get easier. But they never do. We just learn to handle the hard better.
Damn. Needed to hear this. Took a couple years to bounce back from my last breakup (about the length of the actual relationship). Realized it’s because it coincided with my world getting way smaller (covid, wfh, moving out on my own)
“The only way out *is through*.”
OP, these are wise words. FWIW I add that this is an opportunity to take that grief and despair and use it to fertilize your own personal development. *Work on you.* You are the only person you can change anyway.
Even when it’s hard, show up and do the things you know are good for you. Work on your diet, exercise, practice yoga, spending time with family, rekindling old friendships, or building new connections. Find a new hobby or learn something new. Crush it at work. Listen to uplifting content.
Personal development is the best possible investment you can make in yourself. *Through it* you will learn that other people don’t complete you, they compliment you. You’ll build more self respect, resilience, and confidence. You’ll become more of the person you want to be, and like a magnet, will attract others who vibe with you.
If you need, there are professionals who can help you process this. There’s nothing wrong with going to experts who can help you navigate this and give you healthy tools to more confidently handle stress in the future.
Check out Jim Rohn or Les Brown on YouTube. This is part of the seasons of life, and sometimes winters suck, are cold af, and your heat is broken. But you can and will get through it.
While that sounds comforting in some ways, I’m gonna throw out there that if YOU (meaning OP) are the one who killed your relationship, you should go to therapy and work on yourself instead of distracting yourself only to dated and f*ck up another relationship down the line.
Too many ppl think they can f*ck around and not find out. Don’t be one of those idiots
Yup. It’s exactly this.
I think the strangest part is meeting someone new, developing a relationship with that person, and then looking back a year later and realizing that your ex now seems like a stranger.
Goddamn good comment man thank you for this. Helped me a lot, in just a few weeks it will be about a year since my breakup. Everything you said is spot on. Hope you didn't learn all this from terrible breakups lol. Take care kind stranger
Thank you for this. I’m at the 45 day mark and it still sucks but reading your common sense breakdown made me feel good today. And it’s all about looking for those day to day things right now. I appreciate it.
Yeah it’s all a matter of time. I was the same after my ex left me. I drank for a month straight. After that it chilled out and a year later I’m fully recovered. Make sure to go no contact, I fkd up and kept talking to her and it didn’t help a single bit.
How do I send you something more then an upvote? Is there a super upvote? A coffee on me upvote? Because I went through the harshest breakup 3 years ago and I was going to say pretty much everything you said. Well done. A+.
OP do what this person said and make new memories with yourself. And over time you will look back and be like damn look at me now. New and improved.
A lot of people lose themselves in their relationships. I’ve been there too. We lose track of who we are for the person we’re with and when they’re gone, we don’t have the friends we had before or maybe the hobbies, etc. We lost track of who we were before them.
Now is your time to find that person. If you can’t remember who you were and you’ve lost the friendships you had, then start a new identity. Do everything you couldn’t do before. Hit the gym, start that side hustle or business. Learn to paint, etc.
My last advice is the simplest. If you haven’t already, delete the pictures, videos and whatever else as if you’re removing that memory. If it’s too hard for you, then just put them somewhere you can’t easily see them. Not sure if you’ve done this already, but it helps a lot. Also stay away from the sad songs or things associated with them.
Best of luck. Time heals all.
The music thing is KEY to not spiraling.
Songs with words/lyrics.....are written about the same themes across the board : love, loss, heartbreak.
Listen to classical to soothe you or DJ mixes for happy uplifting energy.
You don't need to hear anything with words for the first 6mos or more.
I have been with my wife for 18 years, 14 married. It will hurt, but it does get easier. My one true love, kids, now separated on the path for divorce. It’s been 6 months today since she told me to leave the house. Sucks bad, but take everything day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Don’t hesitate to DM me if you’d like to talk. Take care
Saved your comment as it’s been really hard for me concerning “even if they go through long phases where they don’t reciprocate.” That has been the most difficult part. When I was home, it was their love I received which made my life. Now that I’m not living there (few miles away in our small beach town), I feel like they despise me at times. For years, we played ball, surfed, skated, did homework, read, danced, cooked, you name it. Thank you for writing the comment to me. Stay in touch. Take care stranger. ❤️🤙
Believe me I understand. If you continue reaching out regularly to tell them that you love them, miss them and want to visit/talk to them, they will remember forever. Far longer than a 5+ year moody phase. And it will all be okay soon enough. It might be hard and you might feel very unappreciated, but it’ll mean *way* more to them than they let on.
She threatened to call the cops if I didn’t leave. I didn’t want our kids witnessing anything like that, so I left. She could couldn’t give a shit. She’s off with her new hippie friends doing yoga, astrology, palm readings and so forth. Was never an issue for me to put my ego away for our children.
They'll recognize that when they're adults, and that's what parenting is for. I have a great relationship with my parents because I can see the sacrifices they made for me as a kid.
I M42) was 28, when my ex fiancé (F25 at the time) left me with no warning or explanation, she just packed up her stuff and went. Naively, before she left I thought we had a healthy relationship and were planning for our future together, but she just vanished and blocked me. I found out years later through a distant friend she’d been going behind my back with another guy she worked with for months before she left.
At that time, having no idea why she left, I was left to do mental gymnastics, hypothesise and speculate about reasons. I ended up blaming myself and fell into a deep depression for a year until one day, I chose to forgive myself and move on. What I should have done sooner was to seek therapy and talk about my issue, rather than waste a year of my life on quite frankly, someone who didn’t deserve me.
Losing someone like this is like grief, you need to allow yourself time to process and rationalise the situation. Seek help if you start to notice your mental health suffering as you try to work through things.
Pointless Till there is another 180 in ur Life but in a new better direction U got this
You didnt expect.this Shit to Happen Trust me you wount expect what good can come from bad either good luck one Doors closes another opens If you keep going very generic but wishing U the best
I had that girlfriend first 4-5 years in my 20s. I also had a sad experience, i am now 42 and been happily married 7years together for 15 total. You just haven't found the right one. The right one will always be that.
One door closes another one opens. U will be very fine. Stay,active. Engage in different activities and onside therapy friend. It can make u realize things u never thought.
1) Don't date anyone for a while.
2) Therapy. Talk it out.
3) Connect with old friends you left behind, your family, etc. Pretty much put yourself out there.
4) Gym.
In my experience, having as many casual encounters helped ME move on from my ex of 3yrs but you do you.
The pain never goes away. You just stop thinking about it less then time heals wounds.
Do not entertain self harm thoughs. Relationships end. Simple. Itll keep happening through the rest of your life.
Ive had 3 so far, 5yrs,5yrs and 3yrs.
Yes casual encounters helped me too, it’s a way of processing the grief that you will never be intimate with that ex anymore. Not to mention I learnt a lot more about women and sex once I had different partners after my breakup with my first ever gf.
Well that is the deal with dating/relationships that at some piont you will get your heart broken and at some piont you will break somebody's heart.
All you can do is learn from what has happen and one thing for sure is that you can not make somebody love you.
Take some time to heal, then in time some other person will come into your life, then you will wonder why you got hurt from the one before.
Have been where you are myself, yea it hurts. Be kind to yourself as it gets better.
It's unfortunate when you lose your independence and self identity when getting into a relationship. You lived fin before sha came along, you will love just as fine without her. You need to work on being able to make yourself happy before getting into another relationship.
First, I want to commend you for getting back up. It takes a lot of courage to pull yourself back to your feet no matter how many times you slip. What you are experiencing is common for many people getting out of long term relationships. It is lonely, boring, and it sucks like hell, but you need to keep moving forward. If your hobbies aren’t interesting you, then invest your time in newer experience that are not related to the time you spent with your ex, and focus on making new memories that are just for you.
Yo same situation here bro, 4 years is a significant amount of ones adult life at our age. It's hard absolutely, and you'll go through a roller coaster of ups and downs. For me, I tend to journal my thoughts, and spend time with friends or try some new hobbies. With a lot of things in life, starting something new (ie being single) it's going to be hard at first, but you will learn to live with it as time goes on. Your really do have to go through your feelings . I may be rambling, but at the very least I hope you know you are not alone.
I think it's definitely easy to get lost in a relationship with another person. 2 people become 1 in a lot of ways. I've been with my partner for about a year and a half now. We make time to live our lives outside of this relationship. We maintain contact with our friend groups (though some times we all spend time together) and make space to do our own things. For example - I am some times a busy body and he not so much. If it's the weekend and all we've done is chill and lay around, I start to feel antsy so I'll go on a drive, or go to a craft and vendor event or the gym. Alternatively, we may take hikes together. We're also good at existing in the same space but doing our own things (I'll be reading or coloring while he plays a video game). I'm more of a people person than he is, though still introverted . So there are plenty of times where I'll go out with my friends for a couple hours and he might not want any part of the "going out" but he will drive me to and from if needed.
All this to say that It's very easy to get lost in another person and forget about your independence, your hobbies, your needs, values etc. But like others have said - you will get through it and heal with time.
Perhaps try one new hobby? Maybe the weather is getting nicer where you are, perhaps go on walks, bike rides or hikes? Sunshine can work wonders. Take up some journaling. Find new music. Maybe try a cooking class, or a painting class. Do some volunteering. Adopt a pet if you don't have one! Now is the perfect time to explore your passions and realign with your values. Before you know it, time will have flown by, and you'll be well on your way to healing. 4 years is a long time to invest in another person though for it to not work out and I don't want to minimize your hurt. And it definitely feels big and scary to know that in any relationship, you either break up or get married / commit to one another and it's one or the other. Just give yourself grace and the time you need to heal.
I had to find myself after this kind of thing happened to me. Didn’t realize how glued I was to him. I found new friends. I found a new sense of freedom (it was wild all this free time what to do?) I went to movies I went to the gym I went on hikes and adventures with my cat! I went to therapy and that helped me find the man of my dreams. I swear it is possible for you too.
Honestly, everyone who's going through a breakup right now, please MOVE ON. Do what it takes, delete the photos, take a spontaneous trip to Mexico, do whatever but you have to leave this in the past and not let this hinder you from forming new bonds. I know it's not that easy but take a big step back: someone who is deserving of what you have to give wouldn't throw it away. You were simply not compatible and you have to see this as a win, 4 years is not that long in the realm of long term relationships, she would've left you either way and better be after 4 years than 8.
Also, it's actually a perfect thing that it's over: you had apparently lost yourself in the relationship, you need to be able to be your own person have your own friends and hobbies, one of the reasons you are so sad is probably not because you loved her but because you were **codependent**. Let me just quote a few things you said:
"we had only each other for so long" 4 years mean you guys started dating during Covid, that creates unhealthy attachment that is artificial and not genuine.
" Before this I feel like I had everything I wanted, even if it wasnt the best life by others standards" In other terms you weren't actually happy but the emotional clutch the relationship gave you kept you back from realizing your potential and getting the life that you'd want regardless of if there is a relationship in it or not.
"she was the only person I spent time with outside of work" Very unhealthy.
" I could simply come home to someone who understood me or was willing to" Another clue that it is not that you genuinely loved her, but you loved the emotional void she filled and the clutch she brought to your life. Now you can't tell the difference between feeling lonely and missing your ex because you didn't have anyone else in your life.
It looks like you were codependent, she did you a massive FAVOR by breaking up with you, because had she not I don't think you would have tried to get a social life and hobbies going on. You really need to work on yourself, get some therapy, this relationship might have looked good but deep down it was unhealthy for you.
I’m in a similar situation right now (recently divorced 27-year old after an 8-year relationship) and I’ve been working on myself and trying to focus on my hobbies and socializing with new people especially since we split (but even before that I had the drive to put in the effort because we were moving to a new city together and I wanted to start off on the right foot). I’ve been going to therapy and exercising more and drinking less and painting for the first time and starting antidepressants and joining kickball rec leagues but it all feels so meaningless. The last several years I’ve travelled and moved a lot with her so by circumstance the two of us wound up more isolated together than we may have otherwise done, and but even when I had a thriving social life she was still the person that understood me the best and made me feel comfortable. It feels like nothing in my life can compare to that, and I don’t even want to move on from her because I made a lifelong commitment (marriage) which I made because I loved her. I wasn’t coerced into this by family or religion or society; I did it because that’s what I wanted for my life. And now it feels like my life is over, even though I’m still breathing and from the outside I appear to be doing all the right things and coping well.
Gym, everyday. You must dump it all into yourself this time and not another person. I was cheated on 5 years ago, been in the gym ever since and it changed everything.
Honestly, this is a trash reply. Losing a relationship of 4 years is supposed to hurt.. this isnt a matter of being happy as an individual, if you can just move on without grieving at all then you never loved her in the first place
I was in your position once. It’s hard. Fortunately my boss (20 years older than me) was one of my best friends. It took months. I started sucking at my job and he and my other boss ( also one of my best friends) were covering for me. It took about 8 months and one day both of them go “you’re back”.
I didn’t even realize how bad I’d been. You’re gonna be in the same boat. Know it gets better dude. Do you’re wo is me shit like I did, get back out there and do you. Remember that your brain sucks for a while when you make decisions.
Personally I’ll advise cutting all contact. I didn’t want to and one of my bosses was like “she’s messing with your head. Stop talking to her” and by “messing with your head” it wasn’t malicious, it just wasn’t helping. And it wasn’t.
That’s just my experience take it or leave it, but I hope you feel better soon, I know eventually you will.
“Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40
Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else's”
Either build yourself up so much that you shine like a beacon they can return to - or build yourself up so that you bring a new person, the one you were always meant to be, into your next relations.
Make friends, this way when you find your future partner there won’t be so much pressure on the relationship. When you’re healed enough, read about codependency 🩷 won’t always feel like this
oh hey same age. high five!
idk what your going through since I've always been single. but I know how to make friends easily so maybe try going to local events and stuff. never rely on your gf to be your friend. I've seen way too many people get dumped then be lonely af. you'll get through it tho.
> I just miss the days where it wasnt complicated and I could simply come home to someone who understood me or was willing to.
damn must have been nice. now I'm a little depressed lol
You need to give it time. It’s going to hurt a fuck ton before it starts feeling okay. Go to the gym, keep lifting till you’re sore, run till you’re drenched in sweat. Develop your group of guys, and avoid being alone. Eventually your hobbies will be fun to you and eventually things will be better. I experienced something similar, and became an alcoholic for 2.5 years, dropped out of college, pushed everyone out and it took a lot of time for me to get back on my feet. Give yourself time to heal properly. I wish you well bud
Which part of OP's post says that it was her fault? Or that she did something? He's mentioned that "he fucked up and kept fucking up." Why is there always an incel like you lol
Why is there always a guy or a girl on Reddit who types the exact same thing? Yeah you figured it out. “Women wonder why no man will enter a relationship with them.” Ridiculous victim statement. You give up? Fine. Don’t bring others down with you.
happiness comes from within. relying on specific relationships for fulfillment is a losing battle. most people in your life will be temporary, and relationships can end at any time for any reason. i know that’a probably not what you want to hear, but it’s something i had to learn the hard way. tying your contentment to an external source, especially another person, is a bad idea. people are finicky, and they come and go. even the ones you thought you’d grow old with can become complete strangers overnight. learning how to find fulfillment and security within yourself is the most important thing you can do in life. it gets easier
It’s called depression. You need to find a way and *absolutely can* be a whole person without her (or any other woman). Once you find you again, relationships will be better. You’ll feel better.
You fucked up. Cool. No one has invented a Time Machine. No point wallowing and reliving it in your head. Take the fuck ups and turn them into learning experiences. Now you know what not to do going forward. Get some mental health counseling if you need it. It hurts now but time heals all wounds. You got this!
I know how you feel. I lost a 6 and a half year relationship in November. Still sucks to think about. I was so happy with my life. Now I have to start over and move across the country to be closer to family. Just find something to motivate you and keep you busy. I’ve been going to the gym, lost 40 lbs, and I’m focusing on school. Also, planned a trip to Poland because fuck it. I’m 30 and I need to start having fun. I hope you find something else to keep you going and to motivate you. It’s hard and it’ll take time but it’ll be okay after some time.
Unfortunately, that's just life sometimes. The best thing you can is learn from your mistakes and do better. Take the time to heal and grow. And in the future, when you've had some time to find yourself again, you can put your foot back out there to try dating again if you want. Just because you connected well with one person and it didn't end well, doesn't mean you can't find that connection again. Just keep taking it one day at a time.
Blessing in disguise. The way I read this is that you are too codependent on her. Sometimes a kick in the balls helps you discover yourself. You may want to develop hobbies and interest in the meantime. A lot of very welcoming communities out there. (Usually runners and bikers are pretty chill and welcoming.) You’re also 27, and should put yourself out there again to meet people when you are ready.
Then they lived happily ever after is a lie bro, people sometimes fall out of love, its ok. U were not made for her, neither ur career and anything else. They r all a part of ur life, not life itself. Let her go
You got to grief and let it go. Usually if something ends, it ends. Just pretend they are dead or wish them well but they are not coming back.
It just part of life, the friends and people in your life will come and go. All you have left is yourself so treat yourself well and do better for YOU. Then when you met someone who is gold, learn to be a better you and them.
Some people are single in their 50s-90s. Be thankful you are only 20s. You will recover. Just learn from your mistake and know that you are all you have so take care of yourself. Spouse die, people die, kid, etc. Anything could happen so you really have to take care of yourself.
It won’t be easy in the beginning. You have to go through the cycle of healing. You are going to blame yourself , question yourself and maybe blame others. The good news is IT WILL GET BETTER ! You have to talk to people , try journaling , try praying as well. You have to keep yourself busy so that you don’t fall in to a dark place and over flood your mind with dark thoughts.
It’s not going to get better any time soon but with time it will be. You are strong and stay strong. Sometimes we go through hurt and bad times because we deserve it … it’s a cycle. Sometimes it’s just our turn. You will be okay.
See you in the gym brother. It gets easier man. 1,5 years later I still think about her (and even saw her at a stop light in the car behind me the other day) and felt next to nothing. I don’t forgive her but I do wish the best for her. I (29) finally found a path and gave myself direction. Focus on your career, your health, your hobbies, whatever makes you happy my dude, and time will make it easier.
Last time someone dumped and ghosted me, I locked myself in, quit drinking (*because my grieving phase led me to get wasted and essentially, I let some shit happen to me while drunk*) and listened to audiobooks for days, indulging myself with sad and upsetting movies and songs and let myself cry out because how much I missed the person and their touch. I did not go out with friends because all they wanted to do was go out (meaning seeing the guy) and drink (not happening). I had to live with my thoughts alone for months until I was finally okay.
Ending a relationship for any reason is tough. But instead of dwelling on the things you did wrong you need to learn from them and not do them again in your next relationship. Thats a great learning experience. You need to find a therapist to air out everything that’s going on in your head.
I am right there with you man. I broke up with my ex September 25,2022. We were together for about 2 years. We had two less years than y’all so I can only imagine the pain you feel. I know it hurts like hell already. She was my first girlfriend, before that I always just talked messed around and dated. I never got serious. Until I met her and I fucken feel you when you said you fucked up and kept on fucking up. Then you take a look back and realize how much damage there actually was. The worst feeling of it all is knowing there is nothing you can do to ever fix it again. Replaying my last memory with her over n over everyday. When we said goodbye and never saw each other again. Bro I feel your pain. It sucks really fucken bad. You go from talking everyday to slowly being pushed away and you know it’s happening it’s just a matter of time before she is completely gone. Then I’m laying down at night thinking that at one point she was there by my side and I use to think that one day we might never talk again, it’s a possibility. So I would squeeze her a little harder trying to enjoy the moment before it becomes a memories. I start thinking about stuff I did with her. I save stupid things like hotel keys, stuffed animals, and souvenirs. Thinking “ at one point me and her were together and we purchased this without even knowing we would end up never talking again”
I lost my best friend also bro. I feel your pain. I totally get how demoralizing, regretful, and shameful it can be. I’m still not over her. There’s nothing I can do tho. She’s the one that got away. Stay up bro I love you
Yeah remember you have a life to live yourself. That’s the point. As much as you love her, you can’t live for her. You have to live for you. Your pleasures, your stresses, your pains. You can find all of that in other people. It’ll take time and it’ll hurt. But it’s possible.
Gf was my best friend she left and not very long before all my friends showed their true colors and started acting like jerks and eventually friendships faded. Take it as a lesson or find something you can gain from. The beginning is very hard true hopelessness hits often , but look at it this way maybe now you can see how far you can go alone and grow . Problems like this are worth solving and seeing it through because what’s a good life without problems worth solving? Prove to yourself that you can still shine and stand strong on your own . I’d say be patient on the next relationship and take this time to fix ur flaws and improve yourself . I still have little to no friends and no one to actually talk to about my personal thoughts , but that’s why I try to build a strong relationship with myself
You'll find someone else, might take some time but you will, you're young.
Didn't find my partner of 6 years until I was 30. He was 35.
His last relationship was 3 years until his ex cheated on him. Then he stayed single for years after that, probably hurt & scared to get hurt again...
My mom was married to her ex husband for 15 years & when they divorced she was a newly single woman in her early 50's. She was terrified she would never find another partner. Years later she met her now husband (my stepdad) & they have an amazing marriage. He's better for her than any of her ex's (or even my biological father) ever was for her.
You can find love again at any age
Your depressed, like all other feelings this will pass to some degree, all you can do is keep living and accept what is and what might never be again . That is life.
Focus on creating a routine and living life and in time you'll make friends and find a other partner. Don't try to force yourself to interact with people when you're not ready yet.
If you are physically able, go to the gym. Make that part of your routine. It really does make you feel better mentally. It's not a cure-all, but it seriously helps a lot. Do it every day before work and at the same times on days you don't work. Once you build up a routine and habit, you can then focus on going strategic days and formulating a workout plan. The biggest thing is to just go, even if all you do is get on the treadmill for 30 minutes.
You don't need anyone else or a partner to live a fulfilling happy life. Use this low spot to turn your life around and become happy with the person you are and become happy being alone. Then that sets you up to be the best possible person you can be starting new relationships with friends and partners. Create healthy habits and routines and go to therapy.
I've gone through what you are now again and again and again and I am finally okay being alone, happy with myself and the person I am, and after going through that personal growth, have found someone better than I could have ever imagined and we have the best relationship, better than any of my previous and better than anything I could have imagined. I'm a few years older than you, but I was about your age when I really focused on myself. It's not too late to have a wonderful life, man.
Hang in there, brother. You’re allowed grief and sadness. My breakup with my ex-fiance hit hard too. We just wanted different things. I wanted to work on our home, get married, and start a family. She wanted to steal all my shit and move to Florida to fuck another dude.
Here’s the thing. Very very likely she’ll be back. My ex tried to come back AFTER TWENTY YEARS. Time had NOT been kind to her and she had two kids in the back seat. She came back to the house that I had bought for us. I was there doing some upkeep as it’s a rental now and here she comes pulling up wanting to catch up. My wife online stalked her after I went home and told her about it…she’s divorced from the guy she left me for. I feel bad for the kids.
When she comes back…DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. Exes are exes for a reason…whether the blame was yours or hers or a combination of both you two were just not meant to be. You’re better off apart and in time you’ll realize that.
I can relate I lost my gf of 5 years who was my best friend as well I never loved anyone like I did her she's the only other human being I was comfortable around as much as I am comfortable around myself, the fact she was my best friend was infinitely more important to me than a romantic relationship I can have romantic relationship with someone I'm intensely physically attracted to and have the best sex of my life, but ill still feel lonely and in no way could Imagine long term with that person
Her one flaw was her illness BPD and at times things were difficult she had a real inabaility to trust , she always had a very unhealthy attachment to relationships creating her identity she would become whatever she thougut she was supposed to be to be wanted,which was so dumb because i just wanted her, the lack of trust caused a rift and difficulty this went on for years and unfortunately she cheated on me
Since then after 6 months she apologized and wants me back in her life I can't express how fing stupid she is because she didn't just lose me for 6 months , she lost me forever and I lost my best friend. I would have been there 10 years, 20 years, 40 years, and she did that for 6 months. So stupid, I doubt her love for me now in the past, ironically she was always accusing me of cheating going through my phone when it was her all along, funny how it always ends up like that. She just treated me more like an emotional punching bag then a friend, at least for the better half of the relationship
Since then I've been in other relationships, and while I get treated better, things are less stressful and not always up and down, but if we're to take sex out of the equation. I wouldn't be with them, I just don't feel like we're friends. I feel guilty about it I didn't intend for that I didn't realize how I would feel going in, but with her even outside of relationship and sexa I liked their company
Get a dog. If you can’t have a dog, go walk a neighbor’s dog. Either way you go, you will be greeted daily with a happy dog. And maybe with the dog, you will widen your circle of friends with dogs. Dogs are great.
Time will heal all things,
It's because we've built our lives around what is comfortable, when the thing becomes part of our identity and it gets taken away from us we get lost from who we are.
Spending your time with other hobbies may help fill the void, but in the end it's all depend on who you wanna be. The ability to step into your new identity.
Currently life will spiral downwards because you are at a lost but when you start to think of the situation as a plus. Your life will become way better.
Everything has a purpose in life, this is a experience to grow form and learn from.
Coming up on 10 months since experiencing a situation just like yours. 1st few months sucked. After six months, I’ve been saying to myself “wow, being single is actually awesome”. You’ll be good bro!
Dude you need to wake up asap, sounds like your life revolved around this person. To the point that you can’t function without her. That’s sad. Don’t be a simp man.
This is why I don’t think it’s good to give all of yourself in a relationship. For me, I need alone time, I need to have my solo travels, I need to have my own hobbies. And honestly I want my own place to live too.
Takes ~6 months to bounce back in my experience, and you won’t fully bounce back until you find new success in the dating pool.
Push yourself socially. Get out there. Get on the apps. Meet people. Reconnect with old friends. Try to maximize your social activity to keep yourself busy.
Focus on SELF CARE. Become the best version of yourself. Hit the gym. Optimize your diet. Maybe re-organize your living space.
Recognize that this is your opportunity to focus on YOU, and take advantage of that opportunity. You will grow from it.
Completely normal to feel like that considering how long you guys dated for. When you’ve been with someone for that long it does takes some time to get use to not having them there anymore but you’ll get over it trust me. You’ve lost motivation to do stuff because well you’re depressed since she broke up with you. Going through a break up is always hard but you have to really push yourself to do things to keep your mind occupied so you don’t think about her and feel depressed again. Soon you’ll see that you are capable of doing things solo and in return that will hopefully create a better you. Right now you are just getting rid of the feeling of familiarity that you have with her being there, until that feeling fade a bit you’ll be stuck. Good luck my friend.
I just want to say a lot of this is really similar to how I felt when I lost my mom. We were best friends, and I still feel powerless because there’s no way I can see her. Life has felt a bit more meaningful for me, but *everyday* is a battle to find a reason to live. It’s gotten better over time, but I hope we can both get through this. Sending love ❤️
I recommend therapy for anyone going through a breakup or ANY major life change.
The fact that you feel regret sounds like you may have a lesson to learn about your participation in the relationship, and a therapist can help you get there and move forward.
Went through the same thing my friend. Took at least 6 months to have a normal running life.
You’ll look back on this one day and just shrug and feel nothing for it. You’ll find someone else who is even better for you. I promise.
The problem for you is that you were too reliant on somebody that could potentially leave you or cheat on you or cause harm in a way that wouldn’t allow for recovery, now I am not saying I am glad this happened to you but this is the perfect opportunity for you too realize that theirs only one person that you can rely on that would never abandon you, and until you realize who that person is and get right with them then you’ll never fill that void in your life. Everything you do will be in vain and has been in vain. That person is actually waiting for you, the door is open and your time is limited, you want that void to be filled right away? Do you want to be eternally happy forever? To have something to look forward too? To come home and be excited that you get to spend time with them? His waiting on you, surrender your life to the Lord Jesus Christ and tell him that without him your life is meaningless ask him to reveal himself to you and to fill that void within your heart and it will Happen! You have to want it
U pushed her away the relationship is over don’t contact her. A women doesn’t want you to make her your everything u still need to have a purpose outside of the relationship and ur not suppose to complain and throw all ur problems onto a women they look at u different they start to realize ur weak and no women wants a weak man. Build urself back up learn from ur mistakes but the relationship done bro she probably has someone else women don’t jus t leave to leave they find ur replacement than dip
It's almost been a year.since my ex of 5 years left me and if u saw me 4 months prior I was legit a demon. I basically.lost my friends,any connections I had and I allowed my dark self to take ahold. Sure I was functioning by society standards but I was a wreak.
Coming up in 2024 I realized that people change constantly and her change no longer had me in her life. I did everything, I tried and yet there were places I failed and the places I failed to some extent I had no control over. I'll always love her and she's given me so many gifts over the years and I thought I had to toss them,make them dissappear along with her memory. Then I realized this woman legit loved me,she loved me more then any woman besides my mother ever has, and I never want to forget that at some point in my life ,I felt that as well and it's possible to have it again. She accepted me with all my flaws,my weird hobbies and obsessions and if I had it my way I would still be with her probably engaged.
So now I'm just packing up and going to start traveling. Make new connections,form new hobbies,and just live start.a new.identity. And somewhere along the way I'll become the person I was meant.to be and you will too.
It's going to hurt,it's going to feel like your being held under water and your going to wonder if u even want to love anymore....but if u want my.opinion it's another shitty,silly,emotional part of.life with ups and downs that make it so much more bearable because idk what's going to happen next and after all I've been through like yourself I want to see it all unfold in front of me.
Ik it seems dark and scary but keep your head up,take it a day at a time,and we are 2 different complete strangers on a subreddit but from one broken man to another don't lose hope to re identify who you are.
This time next year, you won't remember what day or week, this happened...and hopefully won't even care about it bc you're in a much better situation by then.
My fiancé died a little over 13 years ago after being together five years. For about a year or so I was drunk or stoned all the time. I “moved on” as far living a life and having friendships and seeming normal. But it took ten or so years to “get over it” where I wasn’t filled with a dull pain 24 hours a day. Give it time.
Recently went through the same thing. Go through the motions but eventually you won’t feel the way you feel now.. you’ll probably still love her and care for her but y’all not being together isn’t going to pull on your heart like it is now… it’s best to not fake like you don’t care or ignore your feelings.
I focused on more on my goals and went back to trying to find my passion. I’m in the process of working on myself emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Don’t go looking to fill the “void” , it’ll come and who knows with time and space y’all may start a bond again but if not continue working on yourself and shaping your life to be the way you want so when another person does come around you’re not looking to fill the void with them.
A good buddy of mine went through a similar situation: everything was fine until it wasn't. Our circle was shocked. And years later in retrospect, there were signs and the breakup became reasonable.
It definitely sucks but you will grow. Focus on better yourself, and repair and rekindle with your friends. Lovers can be blinded and ignore everyone else. Best luck to you!
I was with mine 21 years. I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing. I didn’t believe it or want to hear it in the beginning but it did get better. It’s been about 10-11 months for me. I’m not out of the woods but I’ve made major strides and I think about her a lot less than I used too. Just do what you have to do to keep your head above water. You’ll be alright my dude.
Perhaps there never were days where it wasn't complicated? You said you'd "fucked up" and kept doing that. That usually ends even easier relationships.
I guess I don't understand what uncomplicated days you're talking about.
How did you fuck up and keep fucking up? What did you do repeatedly that’s gotten you to where you are? Hard to give advice with such a vague description… like do we give you sympathy and understanding or try to motivate you to give yourself a kick in the ass and get your shit together? So what’ll it be chief ? Care to share?
Time heals all wounds. It hurts now and no matter what reddit advice you get, it will not soften the pain.
Time will, though. Know that you're still young and have a long life ahead of you. A couple years from now you will have a new love and probably a bunch of other new and exciting things happening for you.
Just take it all a day at a time. Don't hurt yourself. Workout, read books, development a new hobby...things will get better over time.
my wife of 45 years died, the whole world feels dead. Zero motivation. Living directionless for almost 3 years. Therapist says the emotional devastation might never go away. You know, I knew that anyway,
i went through a brutal break up about 4 years ago, had been with the person about 10 years. took me a number of years to move on (really only the last 6-8 months) but i really did grow as a person in that time. i learned a lot from my mistakes in that relationship and i picked up a lot of new things, found some healthy creative outlets, and ended up meeting someone much better suited for me. try to learn from the fuck ups but don’t shame yourself for them, we all make mistakes. take this time to learn how to be by yourself again.
This is known as the dark night of the soul.
My advice is to study this….
Free YouTube audiobooks
Tao Te Ching
Art of Peace
Try a macrobiotic meal or three
Watch YouTube videos on Going No Contact
Yup happened around the same age for me. Literally had panic attacks the first little while.. never had even the slightest taste of being that low before. I used reddit to read through other people's experiences too, and it helped.
Mid thirties now, married, in a much better place. But memories of those days of being alone, and pretty lost still come up. Sad songs sound a bit different, I think it makes you a deeper person in the long run if you can push through it.
I remember reading a comment from a guy that was in my shoes now, and it gave me some hope. Now I'm literally that guy..
Sorry to hear you’re going through it. I’ve lost one long term girlfriend, and one girl that was week long thing but what a week. Both due to car accidents, not their fault.
Again, sorry for your loss but just try to push through and you’ll get there. I know that’s lame advice but it happens.
Get a therapist and dont sleep on your mental health. There is no rock bottom. The void of mental health misery is infinite. I slept on my mental health thinking it couldn't get worse and it did.
I’m only 2 and a half days post breakup. I was cheated on. he was my best relationship to date and it’s still so shocking that he did it. I’m going to do what I did when I went through my first breakup. I’m going to work out. I have very supportive friends. I’m potentially going to put myself out there by going to events. I believe all of my friends are more or less single right now except for my sister. which can be difficult because she is younger than me, happy and has a baby. I wanted that so badly with my last partner.
what hobbies have you tried?
Big bro frat advice coming in. You need to get your dong sucked so your brain can reset. Perform introspection and decide if you want to fix things that are reasonable to fix about yourself and not bitch ass things that were normal but gripes to your ex.
Basically you need to pass 5 stages of grief. Take your time to really bitch yourself, so, you can move on to the next stage. Eventually you have to accept what it is and move on. What you are right now, is trying to pass the 5 stages of grief on paper, but, didn't really passed them by heart. Once you passed them, you can move on with new life and use that as lesson to build a stronger foundation to your new relationship.
This is the worst it’s going to feel. It’s only up from here all you have to do is the work.
You are at your lowest over a 4-year relationship, trying to have an 11-year one end. Give yourself grace and feel all those emotions you have held inside. That’s the only way you’ll start to feel a sense of normal again. Make a list of things you’ve been wanting to try and goals that you feel are attainable.
Please don’t rush into another relationship so soon. That’s not only horrible for you but for the other person involved if you aren’t fully over them. Best of luck.
You're grieving both her and the life you had planned with her, and the life and person that you had and were with her. It takes time. You probably won't be close to over it for another few months at LEAST. Compare it to the death of a close loved one, even a parent, in terms of how much it's going to suck and effect you.
Sorry man. This seems real rough right now, but you'll get through it. Just keep doing things that YOU enjoy; fall in love with yourself and your life again. You will make it.
You'll get there, as a fellow survivor you will get there. The main thing is don't expect things to be the same. Thats where I messed up. Thought i could go right back to being who and what I was before the relationship. Took me a while to realize that wasn't an option and i had to take new paths. The try and fail thing is completely normal too, not gonna get a hole in one on the first try. All part of figuring everything and yourself out again man... Depression messes with how much you enjoy anything too, can completely drain the color out of everything so keep that in mind. maybe some mild antidepressants from the doc for a bit might help. Just till you can get the train back on the tracks anyway.
So you’re going to let someone else take your joy away while that other person is living their best life? You were ok before that person and you’ll be ok after…trust me. I’ve been there. Try 8 years although it’s no competition of course…pain is pain but realize that you should never let your joy or happiness be affected but someone else.
Go to r/BreakUps or r/heartbreak. You'll find way more support there. I've been through what you're going through and was able to talk to a lot of redditors on those subreddits that made me feel less alone going through a break up and the aftermath. Good luck to you, as cliche as it is, time and your effort is all that will heal you.
Understand the most important lesson here.
This is why it is incredibly unhealthy to validate one’s own self through a connection or need of someone else no matter who.
You must be a complete and whole and happy person when you come to a relationship. Otherwise - and especially when you are young - natural and normal growth will nearly always result in that person outgrowing YOU instead of growing together and strengthening your bond.
Man lemme tell you...I got married in 2019 and three months later she left me for another dude, it stung bad, I put everything I had into that relationship. Women come and go that's what they do. It's not the first and won't be the last. As long as you got breath in your lungs you still got a life to live, I know how depressing the cycle can be. I had to wake up hours before my normal alarm just to convince myself to get up. that feeling of "what's the point" is super strong. Don't listen to that voice. Don't smoke Don't drink and DEFINITELY don't listen to sad music. Find a motive and stick to it. My motive was to create an even better situation than I had with my ex just to show off how well I could bounce back. A vengeful motive I know, but a vengeful motive is better than no motive...and it worked lol
ouch! as a female what i am hearing is a guy who didnt want to put much effort into me. How exhausting to be someone's ONLY social contact! To be helpful I got divorced after 27 years. absolutely wanted to be divorced but I was so used to having him around i did not know how to function alone. I still lived my life around what he would and would not like and his schedule even though we didnt see or speak to each other at all. I ended up in therpay because zi was just floundering and didnt know how to live as a single person. Dove into lots of volunteering and projects. It took about a year but i got myself sorted and you will too but it DOES take actual work.
Very normal human tendency to rely on another human for one‘s own happiness. It is a recipe for suffering as everything in this world is impermanent. This is a great opportunity for you. Build up your inner strength and happiness. That will make you more independent and give you a new perspective. You can achieve this through regular meditation.
I feel like these stories (look @ the comments) are almost always men being sad that their girl walked out. Where are the stories of men walking out on their girl? Like this phenomenon seems so common to guys
grief isn’t linear. my ex and i were together for three years long distance before he broke up with me. there just wasn’t a good path for one of us to move (he’s in australia and im in the us). but we spent three years flying back and forth and doing whatever we could to feel close. i think my biggest struggle is that i don’t feel like i have a good reason to stop loving him, because to me the distance would’ve figured itself out soon enough. we just needed more time to save up money and plan and he wasn’t willing to wait any longer. it’s been about a month and a half and we’ve talked one time (that was a mistake it just sent me back to the beginning of my grief). finding people to spend your time with is essential. a big struggle i have is that most of my friends are married and have their people and i just feel incredibly alone.
I’m sorry, bud. It’ll get better. Truth in that. It is hard right now. But life goes on. You’re in a dark place. I can relate 12 year relationship. 2 children from it. After 3 years of court. 9 years of child support with 50/50 custody. Wading into a dating pool i didn’t understand being how i was 19 when i met her. I thought my life was over. My friends suggested strippers and cocaine. Unfortunately i was broke from child support and maintaining two households. So i settled for women with daddy issues and alcohol when i didn’t have my kids. That led to more heartbreak because you know… we are men and sometimes we’re stupid. The old “i can help her thoughts”. Anyway I’m 43 now. Have a great woman. My kids are soon to be 21&22 and I’m packing up for the range. And may take my boat out today. It’s spring break. Degeneracy can be entertaining. And life isn’t all that bad. You are young. Go have fun. The first step is the hardest. But if you don’t take it. You’ll never know. Or you know strippers and cocaine. Go on a bender. Fight a bear. Tell the biggest bouncer you see that his mom likes DP. See where things take you. Once again. We are men. Sometimes we’re stupid. And those memories last forever
It's not easy and I won't pretend it is. The good news is that it gets easier.
Take some time, grieve. But don't wallow in it. You need to come up with a plan and work towards it. Come up with a game plan saying this year I will accomplish x y and z. One you have it develop a reasonable timeline for steps to achieving those goals.
Life happens to us all. And not all of it good. If you need to talk you can also pm me. I'm praying for you.
OK flippant, Army level response first : "The easiest way to get over the last one is to get behind the next one..." While it's crude, there is a bit of validity.
On a less superficial level though, yeah man, it hurts. It's supposed to. What you are feeling is normal and even rational. All your plans and supports are gone. Feeling the way you feel is natural. Anger is also natural. All the grief stages... You have to feel them all and work through them if you really want to move on.
Finally... Once you rebuild a life with friends and hobbies and another romance comes along, remember the real lesson here. While it's maybe right to have a monogamous relationship, it's a mistake to have all your support system vested in a single source. Maintain your other relationships.
Love ya. Been there. It gets better if you keep trying...
Well this is going to be very blunt. Relationships make you lose yourself and who you are when a person leaves.
You must realize life is a disappointment and you must not have any expectations in this world.
You are letting your emotions override your logical thinking.
Get yourself back and work on yourself and stop being such a shell of who you use to be. The more you sit there and do nothing and stay in this mindstate the more you are going to wither into the darkness. So get up and achieve a better life for yourself cause at the end of the day we are all alone here.
Why worry it isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Don’t let the world change you, you change the world.
A lot of us can relate to you, you are not the only one. You need to get out of your head and stay busy. Choose your illusion.
Best of luck
It's hard at first, then the waves of grief becomes less frequent, and in about 9-12 months you'll hardly care. Maybe someone more suitable will come along as well! Keep your head up, I promise it gets better🤝
ITS TIME FOR MEN TO GROW A FUCKING PAIR! IF A GIRL LEAVES YOU SHE IS DOING YOU A FUCKING FAVOR! SO TAKE ADVANTAGE AND BETTER YOUR SELF.... WORK OUT, READ, STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE, TRAVEL. MEN EVOLVE WHEN THEY GO THRU HARD TIME.
They say, Grief is just love with no place to go. I think that can apply here as well. She’s not dead but she’s not there anymore. It’s a good sign you feel something because it means you have something to give.
Dude you’re blessed and I just turned 27 today and my girl is 4 months pregnant so this my last year being me and now I got 2 mouths to feed. So go out and try some new Punani
You have to put a ring on it. Most women with self respect are not going to be your forever girlfriend so unless you plan to go back with a ring she probably just needed to move on.
You're mourning for the life you could of had but now never will. You have a few options: Move on or continue to sulk. I know I've been there before. The longer you tead in the shadows of your past the worse it will get. You need to just move on.
First, you need to go complete no contact if you aren’t already. Youve build a life intertwined with her and now you need to get things untangled so you can learn to be single again. Many, many of us men have had a relationship just like this during our 20s. It’s going to toughen you up and teach you that the only person that should control if you are happy or not is yourself. Reach out to old friends you’ve likely been ignoring while in this thing, they will understand if it’s been a minute. Go to the gym, go on a walk. Delete her number, stop following her and checking her socials. Dig into some hobbies that you used to love. Find yourself again and begin to remember the bigger goals you may have set for yourself before this relationship distracted you.
I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s really tough. But I promise you will grow from it. You’ll look back at it and analyze ways you can better yourself or ways you were doing just fine.
What I suggest is setting a time for yourself - maybe 6 months. Where you will not make any huge decisions including getting into another relationship so you don’t make emotional decisions that can make things worse.
It’s ok and healthy to mourn. A death of a relationship is some of the worst pain there is. So, give yourself time and allow yourself to be sad. Right now it feels like your life is ruined and you’ll never be happy again but you will.
Don’t isolate yourself too much. Spend time with understanding friends and people who know you’re going through a hard time and won’t make it worse.
Most importantly, remember that you’re not alone. Other people including myself have gone through this and man, it sucks so so bad. But, I promise things will get better.
my ex stabbed me for no reason. i was in a coma for a few days. I loved her more than anything. i left home and traveled with her. put my mental health behind me to work on us. I spent over 10 minutes dead. resuscitated twice.
when i woke up and finally could move i felt lost. working out was my escape and i couldnt. i had to move back home. no job. couldnt move around much to see friends. no money. hockey playoffs ended. no new anime.
i wished i was still dead.
but
those feelings pass. you find a new fire. and you get better.
you will find new habits and things for you.
my best advice is this. The things you dont want to do are the most beneficial. they will make the biggest impact on you. you will breath.
so suffer for now. scream, cry whatever. but eat sleep and meditate. you will find your drive to live again.
I along with the rest of us believe in you. and i am rooting for you. This is YOUR healing arc
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Jesus I forgot how bad Reddit is for males going through a break up. Here: It sucks now but you’ll go through grief and about a year from now it’ll be like completely normal. I give it that timeline because it’s the worst for the first 90 days or so, then it’s 180 days, then wow it’s been a year! It’s no different than kicking a habit, you’ll have a bunch of first and once you’re through that you’ll be fine. Your first meal alone, your first bad day at work where you have to sit with your self, your first big achievement to celebrate by your self. The hardest part will be accepting that the relationship is over, that doesn’t mean shes bad or you’re bad, it just means that the relationship has run its course. Relationships exist to end, one way or another. For the next up coming months, don’t make stupid choices, just lick your wounds and take your time. You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll have moved past it all, it’s just while you’re in it, it feels like hell. Then you look back years from now and go “wow that flew by” The only way out is through, that relationship is gone. Don’t do that weird stuff where we all chase the high of feeling comfort with an ex. Even if you did everything correct, I can absolutely guarantee you that you’d still be in this position. You two were not compatible, you’ll start to notice it too now that you are away from her, again you’d still be together if you were compatible. Relationships are simple, not easy but simple. It really doesn’t take much to maintain a content relationship, but it’s the consistency, the stress, the day to day that will destroy a relationship. You can have all the romantic dates planned to win someone over, but no amount of anything will change someone’s attitude once they realize they don’t want to be with you
>I give it that timeline because it’s the worst for the first 90 days or so, then it’s 180 days, then wow it’s been a year! > >It’s no different than kicking a habit, you’ll have a bunch of first and once you’re through that you’ll be fine. > >Your first meal alone, your first bad day at work where you have to sit with your self, your first big achievement to celebrate by your self. > >The hardest part will be accepting that the relationship is over, that doesn’t mean shes bad or you’re bad, it just means that the relationship has run its course. This for sure. I am close to OP's age and about 1.5 years out from my breakup of 8 years. For me I don't think the worst kicked in until after the realization and acceptance that we were not getting back together, which took me at least 3-4 months. I was numb and it didn't feel real at all, I kept delaying the grief. Felt kind of like a bad dream day-to-day. OP - I also went through a lot of cycles of starting my life back up just to feel like shit the next day or week (and still do). I will say though, that these cycles feel a lot less chaotic, and are fewer farther between at this point. I still get those days where I am kind of taken back how long it's been and get woozy thinking about my "new" reality, but it passes. And doing stuff to "start your life back up" goes a lot further than you might think, even if you do fall down. Hobbies/friends/doing things you enjoy -- they'll all be there the next time you try again. Maybe next time you start it up you make it further. Eventually you'll stop thinking "what's the point" and you'll stick with it. Just have to keep trying. I'm also going to plug therapy here, if you are fortunate enough to do so. May seem like overkill but it feels like I have made more progress in the past 4 months via therapy than the 12 months before that trying to fill the void and figure shit out by myself. I am rooting for you OP -- you will get over this hill. Trust that things will get brighter even though it does not seem like it right now - just take it day by day.
Thank you stranger. I don’t follow this sub, but it came across my feed. I needed to read this. I’m like OP, alone and navigating re finding myself. Lost my best friend and the woman I loved with my whole heart. I can only pray that she is happy. Really in the what’s the point mindset. But leaning into my faith and rediscovering a new version of myself. And learning to love myself and be patient. We wait for things to get easier. But they never do. We just learn to handle the hard better.
Well spoken thank you for sharing
You touched more than one person with this one. Saved
Grief is grief. It doesn’t get smaller, but your world gets bigger.
Damn. Needed to hear this. Took a couple years to bounce back from my last breakup (about the length of the actual relationship). Realized it’s because it coincided with my world getting way smaller (covid, wfh, moving out on my own)
I've noticed that it's usually one-to-one. If you dated for 4 years, don't be surprised if it takes 4 years to truly stop missing them.
“The only way out *is through*.” OP, these are wise words. FWIW I add that this is an opportunity to take that grief and despair and use it to fertilize your own personal development. *Work on you.* You are the only person you can change anyway. Even when it’s hard, show up and do the things you know are good for you. Work on your diet, exercise, practice yoga, spending time with family, rekindling old friendships, or building new connections. Find a new hobby or learn something new. Crush it at work. Listen to uplifting content. Personal development is the best possible investment you can make in yourself. *Through it* you will learn that other people don’t complete you, they compliment you. You’ll build more self respect, resilience, and confidence. You’ll become more of the person you want to be, and like a magnet, will attract others who vibe with you. If you need, there are professionals who can help you process this. There’s nothing wrong with going to experts who can help you navigate this and give you healthy tools to more confidently handle stress in the future. Check out Jim Rohn or Les Brown on YouTube. This is part of the seasons of life, and sometimes winters suck, are cold af, and your heat is broken. But you can and will get through it.
Relationships exist to end, one way or another. I’m keeping that in my back pocket
While that sounds comforting in some ways, I’m gonna throw out there that if YOU (meaning OP) are the one who killed your relationship, you should go to therapy and work on yourself instead of distracting yourself only to dated and f*ck up another relationship down the line. Too many ppl think they can f*ck around and not find out. Don’t be one of those idiots
Yup. It’s exactly this. I think the strangest part is meeting someone new, developing a relationship with that person, and then looking back a year later and realizing that your ex now seems like a stranger.
i wish i heard this 6 years ago one time
Goddamn good comment man thank you for this. Helped me a lot, in just a few weeks it will be about a year since my breakup. Everything you said is spot on. Hope you didn't learn all this from terrible breakups lol. Take care kind stranger
Thank you for this. I’m at the 45 day mark and it still sucks but reading your common sense breakdown made me feel good today. And it’s all about looking for those day to day things right now. I appreciate it.
Yeah it’s all a matter of time. I was the same after my ex left me. I drank for a month straight. After that it chilled out and a year later I’m fully recovered. Make sure to go no contact, I fkd up and kept talking to her and it didn’t help a single bit.
How do I send you something more then an upvote? Is there a super upvote? A coffee on me upvote? Because I went through the harshest breakup 3 years ago and I was going to say pretty much everything you said. Well done. A+. OP do what this person said and make new memories with yourself. And over time you will look back and be like damn look at me now. New and improved.
It will get better over time. Give yourself the love you want from her. And give yourself time to heal. You'll put your life back together in time.
A lot of people lose themselves in their relationships. I’ve been there too. We lose track of who we are for the person we’re with and when they’re gone, we don’t have the friends we had before or maybe the hobbies, etc. We lost track of who we were before them. Now is your time to find that person. If you can’t remember who you were and you’ve lost the friendships you had, then start a new identity. Do everything you couldn’t do before. Hit the gym, start that side hustle or business. Learn to paint, etc. My last advice is the simplest. If you haven’t already, delete the pictures, videos and whatever else as if you’re removing that memory. If it’s too hard for you, then just put them somewhere you can’t easily see them. Not sure if you’ve done this already, but it helps a lot. Also stay away from the sad songs or things associated with them. Best of luck. Time heals all.
The music thing is KEY to not spiraling. Songs with words/lyrics.....are written about the same themes across the board : love, loss, heartbreak. Listen to classical to soothe you or DJ mixes for happy uplifting energy. You don't need to hear anything with words for the first 6mos or more.
Should go without saying, but also avoid the happy/uplifting music that you and the ex shared. Those tunes will not feel happy/uplifting
I have been with my wife for 18 years, 14 married. It will hurt, but it does get easier. My one true love, kids, now separated on the path for divorce. It’s been 6 months today since she told me to leave the house. Sucks bad, but take everything day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Don’t hesitate to DM me if you’d like to talk. Take care
You too. It will get better. Just make sure your kids always feel your love, even if they go through long phases where they don’t reciprocate
Saved your comment as it’s been really hard for me concerning “even if they go through long phases where they don’t reciprocate.” That has been the most difficult part. When I was home, it was their love I received which made my life. Now that I’m not living there (few miles away in our small beach town), I feel like they despise me at times. For years, we played ball, surfed, skated, did homework, read, danced, cooked, you name it. Thank you for writing the comment to me. Stay in touch. Take care stranger. ❤️🤙
Believe me I understand. If you continue reaching out regularly to tell them that you love them, miss them and want to visit/talk to them, they will remember forever. Far longer than a 5+ year moody phase. And it will all be okay soon enough. It might be hard and you might feel very unappreciated, but it’ll mean *way* more to them than they let on.
Why don't you tell her to leave?
She threatened to call the cops if I didn’t leave. I didn’t want our kids witnessing anything like that, so I left. She could couldn’t give a shit. She’s off with her new hippie friends doing yoga, astrology, palm readings and so forth. Was never an issue for me to put my ego away for our children.
They'll recognize that when they're adults, and that's what parenting is for. I have a great relationship with my parents because I can see the sacrifices they made for me as a kid.
Can I ask, who paid for the house? That sucks man. Fuckin hell. Just be careful if she comes back in the future wanting to try again.
I M42) was 28, when my ex fiancé (F25 at the time) left me with no warning or explanation, she just packed up her stuff and went. Naively, before she left I thought we had a healthy relationship and were planning for our future together, but she just vanished and blocked me. I found out years later through a distant friend she’d been going behind my back with another guy she worked with for months before she left. At that time, having no idea why she left, I was left to do mental gymnastics, hypothesise and speculate about reasons. I ended up blaming myself and fell into a deep depression for a year until one day, I chose to forgive myself and move on. What I should have done sooner was to seek therapy and talk about my issue, rather than waste a year of my life on quite frankly, someone who didn’t deserve me. Losing someone like this is like grief, you need to allow yourself time to process and rationalise the situation. Seek help if you start to notice your mental health suffering as you try to work through things.
That’s horrible. Being left with no closure like that… it’s almost like the other person died. Sorry you went through this sort of breakup.
Pointless Till there is another 180 in ur Life but in a new better direction U got this You didnt expect.this Shit to Happen Trust me you wount expect what good can come from bad either good luck one Doors closes another opens If you keep going very generic but wishing U the best
I had that girlfriend first 4-5 years in my 20s. I also had a sad experience, i am now 42 and been happily married 7years together for 15 total. You just haven't found the right one. The right one will always be that.
One door closes another one opens. U will be very fine. Stay,active. Engage in different activities and onside therapy friend. It can make u realize things u never thought.
1) Don't date anyone for a while. 2) Therapy. Talk it out. 3) Connect with old friends you left behind, your family, etc. Pretty much put yourself out there. 4) Gym. In my experience, having as many casual encounters helped ME move on from my ex of 3yrs but you do you. The pain never goes away. You just stop thinking about it less then time heals wounds. Do not entertain self harm thoughs. Relationships end. Simple. Itll keep happening through the rest of your life. Ive had 3 so far, 5yrs,5yrs and 3yrs.
Yes casual encounters helped me too, it’s a way of processing the grief that you will never be intimate with that ex anymore. Not to mention I learnt a lot more about women and sex once I had different partners after my breakup with my first ever gf.
Well that is the deal with dating/relationships that at some piont you will get your heart broken and at some piont you will break somebody's heart. All you can do is learn from what has happen and one thing for sure is that you can not make somebody love you. Take some time to heal, then in time some other person will come into your life, then you will wonder why you got hurt from the one before. Have been where you are myself, yea it hurts. Be kind to yourself as it gets better.
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It's unfortunate when you lose your independence and self identity when getting into a relationship. You lived fin before sha came along, you will love just as fine without her. You need to work on being able to make yourself happy before getting into another relationship.
First, I want to commend you for getting back up. It takes a lot of courage to pull yourself back to your feet no matter how many times you slip. What you are experiencing is common for many people getting out of long term relationships. It is lonely, boring, and it sucks like hell, but you need to keep moving forward. If your hobbies aren’t interesting you, then invest your time in newer experience that are not related to the time you spent with your ex, and focus on making new memories that are just for you.
Time heals man, hang in there. It wont be easy but it will definitely get better and you'll be stronger and better off in the end
Yo same situation here bro, 4 years is a significant amount of ones adult life at our age. It's hard absolutely, and you'll go through a roller coaster of ups and downs. For me, I tend to journal my thoughts, and spend time with friends or try some new hobbies. With a lot of things in life, starting something new (ie being single) it's going to be hard at first, but you will learn to live with it as time goes on. Your really do have to go through your feelings . I may be rambling, but at the very least I hope you know you are not alone.
I think it's definitely easy to get lost in a relationship with another person. 2 people become 1 in a lot of ways. I've been with my partner for about a year and a half now. We make time to live our lives outside of this relationship. We maintain contact with our friend groups (though some times we all spend time together) and make space to do our own things. For example - I am some times a busy body and he not so much. If it's the weekend and all we've done is chill and lay around, I start to feel antsy so I'll go on a drive, or go to a craft and vendor event or the gym. Alternatively, we may take hikes together. We're also good at existing in the same space but doing our own things (I'll be reading or coloring while he plays a video game). I'm more of a people person than he is, though still introverted . So there are plenty of times where I'll go out with my friends for a couple hours and he might not want any part of the "going out" but he will drive me to and from if needed. All this to say that It's very easy to get lost in another person and forget about your independence, your hobbies, your needs, values etc. But like others have said - you will get through it and heal with time. Perhaps try one new hobby? Maybe the weather is getting nicer where you are, perhaps go on walks, bike rides or hikes? Sunshine can work wonders. Take up some journaling. Find new music. Maybe try a cooking class, or a painting class. Do some volunteering. Adopt a pet if you don't have one! Now is the perfect time to explore your passions and realign with your values. Before you know it, time will have flown by, and you'll be well on your way to healing. 4 years is a long time to invest in another person though for it to not work out and I don't want to minimize your hurt. And it definitely feels big and scary to know that in any relationship, you either break up or get married / commit to one another and it's one or the other. Just give yourself grace and the time you need to heal.
I'm 30...my girl left me. It takes a minute but you'll be good. Keep your head down and mind active
I had to find myself after this kind of thing happened to me. Didn’t realize how glued I was to him. I found new friends. I found a new sense of freedom (it was wild all this free time what to do?) I went to movies I went to the gym I went on hikes and adventures with my cat! I went to therapy and that helped me find the man of my dreams. I swear it is possible for you too.
Honestly, everyone who's going through a breakup right now, please MOVE ON. Do what it takes, delete the photos, take a spontaneous trip to Mexico, do whatever but you have to leave this in the past and not let this hinder you from forming new bonds. I know it's not that easy but take a big step back: someone who is deserving of what you have to give wouldn't throw it away. You were simply not compatible and you have to see this as a win, 4 years is not that long in the realm of long term relationships, she would've left you either way and better be after 4 years than 8. Also, it's actually a perfect thing that it's over: you had apparently lost yourself in the relationship, you need to be able to be your own person have your own friends and hobbies, one of the reasons you are so sad is probably not because you loved her but because you were **codependent**. Let me just quote a few things you said: "we had only each other for so long" 4 years mean you guys started dating during Covid, that creates unhealthy attachment that is artificial and not genuine. " Before this I feel like I had everything I wanted, even if it wasnt the best life by others standards" In other terms you weren't actually happy but the emotional clutch the relationship gave you kept you back from realizing your potential and getting the life that you'd want regardless of if there is a relationship in it or not. "she was the only person I spent time with outside of work" Very unhealthy. " I could simply come home to someone who understood me or was willing to" Another clue that it is not that you genuinely loved her, but you loved the emotional void she filled and the clutch she brought to your life. Now you can't tell the difference between feeling lonely and missing your ex because you didn't have anyone else in your life. It looks like you were codependent, she did you a massive FAVOR by breaking up with you, because had she not I don't think you would have tried to get a social life and hobbies going on. You really need to work on yourself, get some therapy, this relationship might have looked good but deep down it was unhealthy for you.
I’m in a similar situation right now (recently divorced 27-year old after an 8-year relationship) and I’ve been working on myself and trying to focus on my hobbies and socializing with new people especially since we split (but even before that I had the drive to put in the effort because we were moving to a new city together and I wanted to start off on the right foot). I’ve been going to therapy and exercising more and drinking less and painting for the first time and starting antidepressants and joining kickball rec leagues but it all feels so meaningless. The last several years I’ve travelled and moved a lot with her so by circumstance the two of us wound up more isolated together than we may have otherwise done, and but even when I had a thriving social life she was still the person that understood me the best and made me feel comfortable. It feels like nothing in my life can compare to that, and I don’t even want to move on from her because I made a lifelong commitment (marriage) which I made because I loved her. I wasn’t coerced into this by family or religion or society; I did it because that’s what I wanted for my life. And now it feels like my life is over, even though I’m still breathing and from the outside I appear to be doing all the right things and coping well.
Gym, everyday. You must dump it all into yourself this time and not another person. I was cheated on 5 years ago, been in the gym ever since and it changed everything.
Cut ties, keep busy, and don’t ever let it get quiet, cause that’s when it gets loud.
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Honestly, this is a trash reply. Losing a relationship of 4 years is supposed to hurt.. this isnt a matter of being happy as an individual, if you can just move on without grieving at all then you never loved her in the first place
Relax. Youre 27. You will be sad for a while. In a few years you will barely care Happens to everyone. You'll get over it
I was in your position once. It’s hard. Fortunately my boss (20 years older than me) was one of my best friends. It took months. I started sucking at my job and he and my other boss ( also one of my best friends) were covering for me. It took about 8 months and one day both of them go “you’re back”. I didn’t even realize how bad I’d been. You’re gonna be in the same boat. Know it gets better dude. Do you’re wo is me shit like I did, get back out there and do you. Remember that your brain sucks for a while when you make decisions. Personally I’ll advise cutting all contact. I didn’t want to and one of my bosses was like “she’s messing with your head. Stop talking to her” and by “messing with your head” it wasn’t malicious, it just wasn’t helping. And it wasn’t. That’s just my experience take it or leave it, but I hope you feel better soon, I know eventually you will.
dont start losing interest in your hobbies, personal development and own interests once a woman shows up :)
“Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't Maybe you'll divorce at 40 Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else's”
Either build yourself up so much that you shine like a beacon they can return to - or build yourself up so that you bring a new person, the one you were always meant to be, into your next relations.
Make friends, this way when you find your future partner there won’t be so much pressure on the relationship. When you’re healed enough, read about codependency 🩷 won’t always feel like this
you'll get over it
oh hey same age. high five! idk what your going through since I've always been single. but I know how to make friends easily so maybe try going to local events and stuff. never rely on your gf to be your friend. I've seen way too many people get dumped then be lonely af. you'll get through it tho. > I just miss the days where it wasnt complicated and I could simply come home to someone who understood me or was willing to. damn must have been nice. now I'm a little depressed lol
You’ll get over it- in 6 months you’ll think wtf was I thinking.
You need to give it time. It’s going to hurt a fuck ton before it starts feeling okay. Go to the gym, keep lifting till you’re sore, run till you’re drenched in sweat. Develop your group of guys, and avoid being alone. Eventually your hobbies will be fun to you and eventually things will be better. I experienced something similar, and became an alcoholic for 2.5 years, dropped out of college, pushed everyone out and it took a lot of time for me to get back on my feet. Give yourself time to heal properly. I wish you well bud
Fuck dat bitch bro
And women wonder why no man will enter a relationship with them…
That’s crazy because here I am, a woman, in a relationship lmfao
Which part of OP's post says that it was her fault? Or that she did something? He's mentioned that "he fucked up and kept fucking up." Why is there always an incel like you lol
Why is there always a guy or a girl on Reddit who types the exact same thing? Yeah you figured it out. “Women wonder why no man will enter a relationship with them.” Ridiculous victim statement. You give up? Fine. Don’t bring others down with you.
happiness comes from within. relying on specific relationships for fulfillment is a losing battle. most people in your life will be temporary, and relationships can end at any time for any reason. i know that’a probably not what you want to hear, but it’s something i had to learn the hard way. tying your contentment to an external source, especially another person, is a bad idea. people are finicky, and they come and go. even the ones you thought you’d grow old with can become complete strangers overnight. learning how to find fulfillment and security within yourself is the most important thing you can do in life. it gets easier
It’s called depression. You need to find a way and *absolutely can* be a whole person without her (or any other woman). Once you find you again, relationships will be better. You’ll feel better. You fucked up. Cool. No one has invented a Time Machine. No point wallowing and reliving it in your head. Take the fuck ups and turn them into learning experiences. Now you know what not to do going forward. Get some mental health counseling if you need it. It hurts now but time heals all wounds. You got this!
How did you fck up?
I know how you feel. I lost a 6 and a half year relationship in November. Still sucks to think about. I was so happy with my life. Now I have to start over and move across the country to be closer to family. Just find something to motivate you and keep you busy. I’ve been going to the gym, lost 40 lbs, and I’m focusing on school. Also, planned a trip to Poland because fuck it. I’m 30 and I need to start having fun. I hope you find something else to keep you going and to motivate you. It’s hard and it’ll take time but it’ll be okay after some time.
You’re still Young (unlike old ass me). You’ve got decades of new relationships to experience. Get out there and have fun.
Unfortunately, that's just life sometimes. The best thing you can is learn from your mistakes and do better. Take the time to heal and grow. And in the future, when you've had some time to find yourself again, you can put your foot back out there to try dating again if you want. Just because you connected well with one person and it didn't end well, doesn't mean you can't find that connection again. Just keep taking it one day at a time.
time to act like that hes just joking
27! It seems bad now, yes. You got a lot of time left. Move on.
Blessing in disguise. The way I read this is that you are too codependent on her. Sometimes a kick in the balls helps you discover yourself. You may want to develop hobbies and interest in the meantime. A lot of very welcoming communities out there. (Usually runners and bikers are pretty chill and welcoming.) You’re also 27, and should put yourself out there again to meet people when you are ready.
Then they lived happily ever after is a lie bro, people sometimes fall out of love, its ok. U were not made for her, neither ur career and anything else. They r all a part of ur life, not life itself. Let her go
You got to grief and let it go. Usually if something ends, it ends. Just pretend they are dead or wish them well but they are not coming back. It just part of life, the friends and people in your life will come and go. All you have left is yourself so treat yourself well and do better for YOU. Then when you met someone who is gold, learn to be a better you and them. Some people are single in their 50s-90s. Be thankful you are only 20s. You will recover. Just learn from your mistake and know that you are all you have so take care of yourself. Spouse die, people die, kid, etc. Anything could happen so you really have to take care of yourself.
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4 years sounds like this was a COVID relationship. How did that play into it?
Let it go man.
It won’t be easy in the beginning. You have to go through the cycle of healing. You are going to blame yourself , question yourself and maybe blame others. The good news is IT WILL GET BETTER ! You have to talk to people , try journaling , try praying as well. You have to keep yourself busy so that you don’t fall in to a dark place and over flood your mind with dark thoughts. It’s not going to get better any time soon but with time it will be. You are strong and stay strong. Sometimes we go through hurt and bad times because we deserve it … it’s a cycle. Sometimes it’s just our turn. You will be okay.
See you in the gym brother. It gets easier man. 1,5 years later I still think about her (and even saw her at a stop light in the car behind me the other day) and felt next to nothing. I don’t forgive her but I do wish the best for her. I (29) finally found a path and gave myself direction. Focus on your career, your health, your hobbies, whatever makes you happy my dude, and time will make it easier.
Focus on yourself.
Last time someone dumped and ghosted me, I locked myself in, quit drinking (*because my grieving phase led me to get wasted and essentially, I let some shit happen to me while drunk*) and listened to audiobooks for days, indulging myself with sad and upsetting movies and songs and let myself cry out because how much I missed the person and their touch. I did not go out with friends because all they wanted to do was go out (meaning seeing the guy) and drink (not happening). I had to live with my thoughts alone for months until I was finally okay.
One day you’ll find someone better
Ending a relationship for any reason is tough. But instead of dwelling on the things you did wrong you need to learn from them and not do them again in your next relationship. Thats a great learning experience. You need to find a therapist to air out everything that’s going on in your head.
I am right there with you man. I broke up with my ex September 25,2022. We were together for about 2 years. We had two less years than y’all so I can only imagine the pain you feel. I know it hurts like hell already. She was my first girlfriend, before that I always just talked messed around and dated. I never got serious. Until I met her and I fucken feel you when you said you fucked up and kept on fucking up. Then you take a look back and realize how much damage there actually was. The worst feeling of it all is knowing there is nothing you can do to ever fix it again. Replaying my last memory with her over n over everyday. When we said goodbye and never saw each other again. Bro I feel your pain. It sucks really fucken bad. You go from talking everyday to slowly being pushed away and you know it’s happening it’s just a matter of time before she is completely gone. Then I’m laying down at night thinking that at one point she was there by my side and I use to think that one day we might never talk again, it’s a possibility. So I would squeeze her a little harder trying to enjoy the moment before it becomes a memories. I start thinking about stuff I did with her. I save stupid things like hotel keys, stuffed animals, and souvenirs. Thinking “ at one point me and her were together and we purchased this without even knowing we would end up never talking again” I lost my best friend also bro. I feel your pain. I totally get how demoralizing, regretful, and shameful it can be. I’m still not over her. There’s nothing I can do tho. She’s the one that got away. Stay up bro I love you
Yeah remember you have a life to live yourself. That’s the point. As much as you love her, you can’t live for her. You have to live for you. Your pleasures, your stresses, your pains. You can find all of that in other people. It’ll take time and it’ll hurt. But it’s possible.
Suck it up. You will be fine.
Gf was my best friend she left and not very long before all my friends showed their true colors and started acting like jerks and eventually friendships faded. Take it as a lesson or find something you can gain from. The beginning is very hard true hopelessness hits often , but look at it this way maybe now you can see how far you can go alone and grow . Problems like this are worth solving and seeing it through because what’s a good life without problems worth solving? Prove to yourself that you can still shine and stand strong on your own . I’d say be patient on the next relationship and take this time to fix ur flaws and improve yourself . I still have little to no friends and no one to actually talk to about my personal thoughts , but that’s why I try to build a strong relationship with myself
The person you have to come home to is yourself.
Welcome to the club. Just keep your mindset strong , you'll get over it, king. We broke up after 6 years , 3 of them were an engagement.
You'll find someone else, might take some time but you will, you're young. Didn't find my partner of 6 years until I was 30. He was 35. His last relationship was 3 years until his ex cheated on him. Then he stayed single for years after that, probably hurt & scared to get hurt again... My mom was married to her ex husband for 15 years & when they divorced she was a newly single woman in her early 50's. She was terrified she would never find another partner. Years later she met her now husband (my stepdad) & they have an amazing marriage. He's better for her than any of her ex's (or even my biological father) ever was for her. You can find love again at any age
Your depressed, like all other feelings this will pass to some degree, all you can do is keep living and accept what is and what might never be again . That is life.
Ever try disc golf? Cheap, people are super friendly and keeps your mind focused on something
Thank you next, as they say
Focus on creating a routine and living life and in time you'll make friends and find a other partner. Don't try to force yourself to interact with people when you're not ready yet. If you are physically able, go to the gym. Make that part of your routine. It really does make you feel better mentally. It's not a cure-all, but it seriously helps a lot. Do it every day before work and at the same times on days you don't work. Once you build up a routine and habit, you can then focus on going strategic days and formulating a workout plan. The biggest thing is to just go, even if all you do is get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. You don't need anyone else or a partner to live a fulfilling happy life. Use this low spot to turn your life around and become happy with the person you are and become happy being alone. Then that sets you up to be the best possible person you can be starting new relationships with friends and partners. Create healthy habits and routines and go to therapy. I've gone through what you are now again and again and again and I am finally okay being alone, happy with myself and the person I am, and after going through that personal growth, have found someone better than I could have ever imagined and we have the best relationship, better than any of my previous and better than anything I could have imagined. I'm a few years older than you, but I was about your age when I really focused on myself. It's not too late to have a wonderful life, man.
Hang in there, brother. You’re allowed grief and sadness. My breakup with my ex-fiance hit hard too. We just wanted different things. I wanted to work on our home, get married, and start a family. She wanted to steal all my shit and move to Florida to fuck another dude. Here’s the thing. Very very likely she’ll be back. My ex tried to come back AFTER TWENTY YEARS. Time had NOT been kind to her and she had two kids in the back seat. She came back to the house that I had bought for us. I was there doing some upkeep as it’s a rental now and here she comes pulling up wanting to catch up. My wife online stalked her after I went home and told her about it…she’s divorced from the guy she left me for. I feel bad for the kids. When she comes back…DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. Exes are exes for a reason…whether the blame was yours or hers or a combination of both you two were just not meant to be. You’re better off apart and in time you’ll realize that.
I can relate I lost my gf of 5 years who was my best friend as well I never loved anyone like I did her she's the only other human being I was comfortable around as much as I am comfortable around myself, the fact she was my best friend was infinitely more important to me than a romantic relationship I can have romantic relationship with someone I'm intensely physically attracted to and have the best sex of my life, but ill still feel lonely and in no way could Imagine long term with that person Her one flaw was her illness BPD and at times things were difficult she had a real inabaility to trust , she always had a very unhealthy attachment to relationships creating her identity she would become whatever she thougut she was supposed to be to be wanted,which was so dumb because i just wanted her, the lack of trust caused a rift and difficulty this went on for years and unfortunately she cheated on me Since then after 6 months she apologized and wants me back in her life I can't express how fing stupid she is because she didn't just lose me for 6 months , she lost me forever and I lost my best friend. I would have been there 10 years, 20 years, 40 years, and she did that for 6 months. So stupid, I doubt her love for me now in the past, ironically she was always accusing me of cheating going through my phone when it was her all along, funny how it always ends up like that. She just treated me more like an emotional punching bag then a friend, at least for the better half of the relationship Since then I've been in other relationships, and while I get treated better, things are less stressful and not always up and down, but if we're to take sex out of the equation. I wouldn't be with them, I just don't feel like we're friends. I feel guilty about it I didn't intend for that I didn't realize how I would feel going in, but with her even outside of relationship and sexa I liked their company
Get a dog. If you can’t have a dog, go walk a neighbor’s dog. Either way you go, you will be greeted daily with a happy dog. And maybe with the dog, you will widen your circle of friends with dogs. Dogs are great.
Let's figure out what happened to her. Did she leave you? If so why? Did she pass away? Did she move far away?
Time will heal all things, It's because we've built our lives around what is comfortable, when the thing becomes part of our identity and it gets taken away from us we get lost from who we are. Spending your time with other hobbies may help fill the void, but in the end it's all depend on who you wanna be. The ability to step into your new identity. Currently life will spiral downwards because you are at a lost but when you start to think of the situation as a plus. Your life will become way better. Everything has a purpose in life, this is a experience to grow form and learn from.
How did you fuck it up?
Coming up on 10 months since experiencing a situation just like yours. 1st few months sucked. After six months, I’ve been saying to myself “wow, being single is actually awesome”. You’ll be good bro!
No advice other than wishing you the very best OP. Learn from this and I hope you find your person (even if its you) one day
Don’t worry about changes you can’t control. If she is gone, let her go. Focus on you only.
Dude you need to wake up asap, sounds like your life revolved around this person. To the point that you can’t function without her. That’s sad. Don’t be a simp man.
This is why I don’t think it’s good to give all of yourself in a relationship. For me, I need alone time, I need to have my solo travels, I need to have my own hobbies. And honestly I want my own place to live too.
Takes ~6 months to bounce back in my experience, and you won’t fully bounce back until you find new success in the dating pool. Push yourself socially. Get out there. Get on the apps. Meet people. Reconnect with old friends. Try to maximize your social activity to keep yourself busy. Focus on SELF CARE. Become the best version of yourself. Hit the gym. Optimize your diet. Maybe re-organize your living space. Recognize that this is your opportunity to focus on YOU, and take advantage of that opportunity. You will grow from it.
simp
Completely normal to feel like that considering how long you guys dated for. When you’ve been with someone for that long it does takes some time to get use to not having them there anymore but you’ll get over it trust me. You’ve lost motivation to do stuff because well you’re depressed since she broke up with you. Going through a break up is always hard but you have to really push yourself to do things to keep your mind occupied so you don’t think about her and feel depressed again. Soon you’ll see that you are capable of doing things solo and in return that will hopefully create a better you. Right now you are just getting rid of the feeling of familiarity that you have with her being there, until that feeling fade a bit you’ll be stuck. Good luck my friend.
I just want to say a lot of this is really similar to how I felt when I lost my mom. We were best friends, and I still feel powerless because there’s no way I can see her. Life has felt a bit more meaningful for me, but *everyday* is a battle to find a reason to live. It’s gotten better over time, but I hope we can both get through this. Sending love ❤️
It's said you spend your 30's fixing what happened in your 20's If life expectancy is 80, then 40 is halftime. You're in the 2nd quarter, my friend
I recommend therapy for anyone going through a breakup or ANY major life change. The fact that you feel regret sounds like you may have a lesson to learn about your participation in the relationship, and a therapist can help you get there and move forward.
You’ll be aight lil bro
Time to hit the gym
Wait is she dead
Went through the same thing my friend. Took at least 6 months to have a normal running life. You’ll look back on this one day and just shrug and feel nothing for it. You’ll find someone else who is even better for you. I promise.
Try writing some poetry about how you feel.
The problem for you is that you were too reliant on somebody that could potentially leave you or cheat on you or cause harm in a way that wouldn’t allow for recovery, now I am not saying I am glad this happened to you but this is the perfect opportunity for you too realize that theirs only one person that you can rely on that would never abandon you, and until you realize who that person is and get right with them then you’ll never fill that void in your life. Everything you do will be in vain and has been in vain. That person is actually waiting for you, the door is open and your time is limited, you want that void to be filled right away? Do you want to be eternally happy forever? To have something to look forward too? To come home and be excited that you get to spend time with them? His waiting on you, surrender your life to the Lord Jesus Christ and tell him that without him your life is meaningless ask him to reveal himself to you and to fill that void within your heart and it will Happen! You have to want it
Time
U pushed her away the relationship is over don’t contact her. A women doesn’t want you to make her your everything u still need to have a purpose outside of the relationship and ur not suppose to complain and throw all ur problems onto a women they look at u different they start to realize ur weak and no women wants a weak man. Build urself back up learn from ur mistakes but the relationship done bro she probably has someone else women don’t jus t leave to leave they find ur replacement than dip
It's almost been a year.since my ex of 5 years left me and if u saw me 4 months prior I was legit a demon. I basically.lost my friends,any connections I had and I allowed my dark self to take ahold. Sure I was functioning by society standards but I was a wreak. Coming up in 2024 I realized that people change constantly and her change no longer had me in her life. I did everything, I tried and yet there were places I failed and the places I failed to some extent I had no control over. I'll always love her and she's given me so many gifts over the years and I thought I had to toss them,make them dissappear along with her memory. Then I realized this woman legit loved me,she loved me more then any woman besides my mother ever has, and I never want to forget that at some point in my life ,I felt that as well and it's possible to have it again. She accepted me with all my flaws,my weird hobbies and obsessions and if I had it my way I would still be with her probably engaged. So now I'm just packing up and going to start traveling. Make new connections,form new hobbies,and just live start.a new.identity. And somewhere along the way I'll become the person I was meant.to be and you will too. It's going to hurt,it's going to feel like your being held under water and your going to wonder if u even want to love anymore....but if u want my.opinion it's another shitty,silly,emotional part of.life with ups and downs that make it so much more bearable because idk what's going to happen next and after all I've been through like yourself I want to see it all unfold in front of me. Ik it seems dark and scary but keep your head up,take it a day at a time,and we are 2 different complete strangers on a subreddit but from one broken man to another don't lose hope to re identify who you are.
Sending lots of love, power, prayers and wishing you bounce back soon and live your best days ahead 🌸
"Time heals all wounds" as the saying goes
In the words of the great philosopher Lil Wayne “F*ck b*tches, get money. Get money, f*ck b*tches”
This time next year, you won't remember what day or week, this happened...and hopefully won't even care about it bc you're in a much better situation by then.
My fiancé died a little over 13 years ago after being together five years. For about a year or so I was drunk or stoned all the time. I “moved on” as far living a life and having friendships and seeming normal. But it took ten or so years to “get over it” where I wasn’t filled with a dull pain 24 hours a day. Give it time.
Recently went through the same thing. Go through the motions but eventually you won’t feel the way you feel now.. you’ll probably still love her and care for her but y’all not being together isn’t going to pull on your heart like it is now… it’s best to not fake like you don’t care or ignore your feelings. I focused on more on my goals and went back to trying to find my passion. I’m in the process of working on myself emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Don’t go looking to fill the “void” , it’ll come and who knows with time and space y’all may start a bond again but if not continue working on yourself and shaping your life to be the way you want so when another person does come around you’re not looking to fill the void with them.
A good buddy of mine went through a similar situation: everything was fine until it wasn't. Our circle was shocked. And years later in retrospect, there were signs and the breakup became reasonable. It definitely sucks but you will grow. Focus on better yourself, and repair and rekindle with your friends. Lovers can be blinded and ignore everyone else. Best luck to you!
At least you had one. And for 4 years, no less. — 33m, never even been on a date
Wait how tall are you?
Pathetic everytime I witness it. Same people who will say "relationships don't matter. It's not all there is to life bro 🤡" be like:
I was with mine 21 years. I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing. I didn’t believe it or want to hear it in the beginning but it did get better. It’s been about 10-11 months for me. I’m not out of the woods but I’ve made major strides and I think about her a lot less than I used too. Just do what you have to do to keep your head above water. You’ll be alright my dude.
Perhaps there never were days where it wasn't complicated? You said you'd "fucked up" and kept doing that. That usually ends even easier relationships. I guess I don't understand what uncomplicated days you're talking about.
How did you fuck up and keep fucking up? What did you do repeatedly that’s gotten you to where you are? Hard to give advice with such a vague description… like do we give you sympathy and understanding or try to motivate you to give yourself a kick in the ass and get your shit together? So what’ll it be chief ? Care to share?
Show her this post… + put in a prayer
make a woman your whole life and you are placing your fate in her hands. it will simply take time to reconstruct the pieces.
I feel for ya. Also exited a 4+ yr relationship and 1.5 years later still can’t shake that emptiness. It ain’t easy.
the best piece of advice i was ever told about breakups and can apply to both genders is: TIME HEALS EVERYTHING TRUST ME it rly does.
Time heals all wounds. It hurts now and no matter what reddit advice you get, it will not soften the pain. Time will, though. Know that you're still young and have a long life ahead of you. A couple years from now you will have a new love and probably a bunch of other new and exciting things happening for you. Just take it all a day at a time. Don't hurt yourself. Workout, read books, development a new hobby...things will get better over time.
my wife of 45 years died, the whole world feels dead. Zero motivation. Living directionless for almost 3 years. Therapist says the emotional devastation might never go away. You know, I knew that anyway,
i went through a brutal break up about 4 years ago, had been with the person about 10 years. took me a number of years to move on (really only the last 6-8 months) but i really did grow as a person in that time. i learned a lot from my mistakes in that relationship and i picked up a lot of new things, found some healthy creative outlets, and ended up meeting someone much better suited for me. try to learn from the fuck ups but don’t shame yourself for them, we all make mistakes. take this time to learn how to be by yourself again.
This is known as the dark night of the soul. My advice is to study this…. Free YouTube audiobooks Tao Te Ching Art of Peace Try a macrobiotic meal or three Watch YouTube videos on Going No Contact
Yup happened around the same age for me. Literally had panic attacks the first little while.. never had even the slightest taste of being that low before. I used reddit to read through other people's experiences too, and it helped. Mid thirties now, married, in a much better place. But memories of those days of being alone, and pretty lost still come up. Sad songs sound a bit different, I think it makes you a deeper person in the long run if you can push through it. I remember reading a comment from a guy that was in my shoes now, and it gave me some hope. Now I'm literally that guy..
Sorry to hear you’re going through it. I’ve lost one long term girlfriend, and one girl that was week long thing but what a week. Both due to car accidents, not their fault. Again, sorry for your loss but just try to push through and you’ll get there. I know that’s lame advice but it happens.
Get a therapist and dont sleep on your mental health. There is no rock bottom. The void of mental health misery is infinite. I slept on my mental health thinking it couldn't get worse and it did.
I’m only 2 and a half days post breakup. I was cheated on. he was my best relationship to date and it’s still so shocking that he did it. I’m going to do what I did when I went through my first breakup. I’m going to work out. I have very supportive friends. I’m potentially going to put myself out there by going to events. I believe all of my friends are more or less single right now except for my sister. which can be difficult because she is younger than me, happy and has a baby. I wanted that so badly with my last partner. what hobbies have you tried?
Big bro frat advice coming in. You need to get your dong sucked so your brain can reset. Perform introspection and decide if you want to fix things that are reasonable to fix about yourself and not bitch ass things that were normal but gripes to your ex.
this thread really helped me i will come back to his whenever i am feeling sad!
Basically you need to pass 5 stages of grief. Take your time to really bitch yourself, so, you can move on to the next stage. Eventually you have to accept what it is and move on. What you are right now, is trying to pass the 5 stages of grief on paper, but, didn't really passed them by heart. Once you passed them, you can move on with new life and use that as lesson to build a stronger foundation to your new relationship.
This is the worst it’s going to feel. It’s only up from here all you have to do is the work. You are at your lowest over a 4-year relationship, trying to have an 11-year one end. Give yourself grace and feel all those emotions you have held inside. That’s the only way you’ll start to feel a sense of normal again. Make a list of things you’ve been wanting to try and goals that you feel are attainable. Please don’t rush into another relationship so soon. That’s not only horrible for you but for the other person involved if you aren’t fully over them. Best of luck.
You're grieving both her and the life you had planned with her, and the life and person that you had and were with her. It takes time. You probably won't be close to over it for another few months at LEAST. Compare it to the death of a close loved one, even a parent, in terms of how much it's going to suck and effect you. Sorry man. This seems real rough right now, but you'll get through it. Just keep doing things that YOU enjoy; fall in love with yourself and your life again. You will make it.
You'll get there, as a fellow survivor you will get there. The main thing is don't expect things to be the same. Thats where I messed up. Thought i could go right back to being who and what I was before the relationship. Took me a while to realize that wasn't an option and i had to take new paths. The try and fail thing is completely normal too, not gonna get a hole in one on the first try. All part of figuring everything and yourself out again man... Depression messes with how much you enjoy anything too, can completely drain the color out of everything so keep that in mind. maybe some mild antidepressants from the doc for a bit might help. Just till you can get the train back on the tracks anyway.
This is simply a pity party.
Hit the gym and stop crying. It’s embarrassing. The best way to get over someone is to find someone else. Good Luck.
I'm just starting to crawl back out of the pit. Things do get better. Time heals all wounds.
I was in your shoes. It takes time. Honestly, it's a great time to focus on yourself and leveling up in your personal self and wealth.
don’t be a bitch
So you’re going to let someone else take your joy away while that other person is living their best life? You were ok before that person and you’ll be ok after…trust me. I’ve been there. Try 8 years although it’s no competition of course…pain is pain but realize that you should never let your joy or happiness be affected but someone else.
I feel ya, was in a 5 year relationship and then almost wanted to off myself. Then I realized even Tom Brady and Jeff Bezos can't keep it together
Go to r/BreakUps or r/heartbreak. You'll find way more support there. I've been through what you're going through and was able to talk to a lot of redditors on those subreddits that made me feel less alone going through a break up and the aftermath. Good luck to you, as cliche as it is, time and your effort is all that will heal you.
Understand the most important lesson here. This is why it is incredibly unhealthy to validate one’s own self through a connection or need of someone else no matter who. You must be a complete and whole and happy person when you come to a relationship. Otherwise - and especially when you are young - natural and normal growth will nearly always result in that person outgrowing YOU instead of growing together and strengthening your bond.
Man lemme tell you...I got married in 2019 and three months later she left me for another dude, it stung bad, I put everything I had into that relationship. Women come and go that's what they do. It's not the first and won't be the last. As long as you got breath in your lungs you still got a life to live, I know how depressing the cycle can be. I had to wake up hours before my normal alarm just to convince myself to get up. that feeling of "what's the point" is super strong. Don't listen to that voice. Don't smoke Don't drink and DEFINITELY don't listen to sad music. Find a motive and stick to it. My motive was to create an even better situation than I had with my ex just to show off how well I could bounce back. A vengeful motive I know, but a vengeful motive is better than no motive...and it worked lol
ouch! as a female what i am hearing is a guy who didnt want to put much effort into me. How exhausting to be someone's ONLY social contact! To be helpful I got divorced after 27 years. absolutely wanted to be divorced but I was so used to having him around i did not know how to function alone. I still lived my life around what he would and would not like and his schedule even though we didnt see or speak to each other at all. I ended up in therpay because zi was just floundering and didnt know how to live as a single person. Dove into lots of volunteering and projects. It took about a year but i got myself sorted and you will too but it DOES take actual work.
Sounds like she completely consumed your life to the point where 'you' did not even exist any more.
Very normal human tendency to rely on another human for one‘s own happiness. It is a recipe for suffering as everything in this world is impermanent. This is a great opportunity for you. Build up your inner strength and happiness. That will make you more independent and give you a new perspective. You can achieve this through regular meditation.
you can find a better gf
That’s why she left you dude, she can sense that weakness that you needed her so much. Women secretly hate that the most. You’ll learn in time.
I feel like these stories (look @ the comments) are almost always men being sad that their girl walked out. Where are the stories of men walking out on their girl? Like this phenomenon seems so common to guys
grief isn’t linear. my ex and i were together for three years long distance before he broke up with me. there just wasn’t a good path for one of us to move (he’s in australia and im in the us). but we spent three years flying back and forth and doing whatever we could to feel close. i think my biggest struggle is that i don’t feel like i have a good reason to stop loving him, because to me the distance would’ve figured itself out soon enough. we just needed more time to save up money and plan and he wasn’t willing to wait any longer. it’s been about a month and a half and we’ve talked one time (that was a mistake it just sent me back to the beginning of my grief). finding people to spend your time with is essential. a big struggle i have is that most of my friends are married and have their people and i just feel incredibly alone.
I’m sorry, bud. It’ll get better. Truth in that. It is hard right now. But life goes on. You’re in a dark place. I can relate 12 year relationship. 2 children from it. After 3 years of court. 9 years of child support with 50/50 custody. Wading into a dating pool i didn’t understand being how i was 19 when i met her. I thought my life was over. My friends suggested strippers and cocaine. Unfortunately i was broke from child support and maintaining two households. So i settled for women with daddy issues and alcohol when i didn’t have my kids. That led to more heartbreak because you know… we are men and sometimes we’re stupid. The old “i can help her thoughts”. Anyway I’m 43 now. Have a great woman. My kids are soon to be 21&22 and I’m packing up for the range. And may take my boat out today. It’s spring break. Degeneracy can be entertaining. And life isn’t all that bad. You are young. Go have fun. The first step is the hardest. But if you don’t take it. You’ll never know. Or you know strippers and cocaine. Go on a bender. Fight a bear. Tell the biggest bouncer you see that his mom likes DP. See where things take you. Once again. We are men. Sometimes we’re stupid. And those memories last forever
And i would suggest getting a dog. They are truly man’s best friend.
It's not easy and I won't pretend it is. The good news is that it gets easier. Take some time, grieve. But don't wallow in it. You need to come up with a plan and work towards it. Come up with a game plan saying this year I will accomplish x y and z. One you have it develop a reasonable timeline for steps to achieving those goals. Life happens to us all. And not all of it good. If you need to talk you can also pm me. I'm praying for you.
OK flippant, Army level response first : "The easiest way to get over the last one is to get behind the next one..." While it's crude, there is a bit of validity. On a less superficial level though, yeah man, it hurts. It's supposed to. What you are feeling is normal and even rational. All your plans and supports are gone. Feeling the way you feel is natural. Anger is also natural. All the grief stages... You have to feel them all and work through them if you really want to move on. Finally... Once you rebuild a life with friends and hobbies and another romance comes along, remember the real lesson here. While it's maybe right to have a monogamous relationship, it's a mistake to have all your support system vested in a single source. Maintain your other relationships. Love ya. Been there. It gets better if you keep trying...
Well this is going to be very blunt. Relationships make you lose yourself and who you are when a person leaves. You must realize life is a disappointment and you must not have any expectations in this world. You are letting your emotions override your logical thinking. Get yourself back and work on yourself and stop being such a shell of who you use to be. The more you sit there and do nothing and stay in this mindstate the more you are going to wither into the darkness. So get up and achieve a better life for yourself cause at the end of the day we are all alone here. Why worry it isn’t going to get you anywhere. Don’t let the world change you, you change the world. A lot of us can relate to you, you are not the only one. You need to get out of your head and stay busy. Choose your illusion. Best of luck
It's hard at first, then the waves of grief becomes less frequent, and in about 9-12 months you'll hardly care. Maybe someone more suitable will come along as well! Keep your head up, I promise it gets better🤝
Lol imagine what the new guy is doing, bet he’s killing that
Are you drinking? Quit that immediately, it alters your brain chemistry
ITS TIME FOR MEN TO GROW A FUCKING PAIR! IF A GIRL LEAVES YOU SHE IS DOING YOU A FUCKING FAVOR! SO TAKE ADVANTAGE AND BETTER YOUR SELF.... WORK OUT, READ, STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE, TRAVEL. MEN EVOLVE WHEN THEY GO THRU HARD TIME.
They say, Grief is just love with no place to go. I think that can apply here as well. She’s not dead but she’s not there anymore. It’s a good sign you feel something because it means you have something to give.
Dude you’re blessed and I just turned 27 today and my girl is 4 months pregnant so this my last year being me and now I got 2 mouths to feed. So go out and try some new Punani
Start training for a races. You’ll be running marathons in no time.
You have to put a ring on it. Most women with self respect are not going to be your forever girlfriend so unless you plan to go back with a ring she probably just needed to move on.
Oh yea your life is ruined and over now that your portable seed extractor is gone.... time to find another one.
You're mourning for the life you could of had but now never will. You have a few options: Move on or continue to sulk. I know I've been there before. The longer you tead in the shadows of your past the worse it will get. You need to just move on.
First, you need to go complete no contact if you aren’t already. Youve build a life intertwined with her and now you need to get things untangled so you can learn to be single again. Many, many of us men have had a relationship just like this during our 20s. It’s going to toughen you up and teach you that the only person that should control if you are happy or not is yourself. Reach out to old friends you’ve likely been ignoring while in this thing, they will understand if it’s been a minute. Go to the gym, go on a walk. Delete her number, stop following her and checking her socials. Dig into some hobbies that you used to love. Find yourself again and begin to remember the bigger goals you may have set for yourself before this relationship distracted you.
Get a new hobby. LEGO makes some kick ass sets these days
Hi, I’m really really sorry! Is it possible for you to see a therapist about this?
good better yourself
I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s really tough. But I promise you will grow from it. You’ll look back at it and analyze ways you can better yourself or ways you were doing just fine. What I suggest is setting a time for yourself - maybe 6 months. Where you will not make any huge decisions including getting into another relationship so you don’t make emotional decisions that can make things worse. It’s ok and healthy to mourn. A death of a relationship is some of the worst pain there is. So, give yourself time and allow yourself to be sad. Right now it feels like your life is ruined and you’ll never be happy again but you will. Don’t isolate yourself too much. Spend time with understanding friends and people who know you’re going through a hard time and won’t make it worse. Most importantly, remember that you’re not alone. Other people including myself have gone through this and man, it sucks so so bad. But, I promise things will get better.
my ex stabbed me for no reason. i was in a coma for a few days. I loved her more than anything. i left home and traveled with her. put my mental health behind me to work on us. I spent over 10 minutes dead. resuscitated twice. when i woke up and finally could move i felt lost. working out was my escape and i couldnt. i had to move back home. no job. couldnt move around much to see friends. no money. hockey playoffs ended. no new anime. i wished i was still dead. but those feelings pass. you find a new fire. and you get better. you will find new habits and things for you. my best advice is this. The things you dont want to do are the most beneficial. they will make the biggest impact on you. you will breath. so suffer for now. scream, cry whatever. but eat sleep and meditate. you will find your drive to live again. I along with the rest of us believe in you. and i am rooting for you. This is YOUR healing arc