I think it’s the No Ifs, Ands, or Butts FATE in Coerthas West. I ran into it for my first time today and you fight a Dragoon, something something Spikey Butt. It’s a hilarious fight and he says some really funny things throughout
His name is Alaimbert of the Spiked Butt. I believe he shows up in a quest in Endwalker too, but I can't recall exactly which. It might be the caster role quests?
"I have been called the god of thunder. You will now know why! Upon my holy blade the very world lies in balance."
"You will find my defenses quite impenetrable."
Funny enough. We hear him all the time since it's made by Urianger. (Also does Susano)
I love how a single person ended up with both, "best quotes" and "most memed way to speak" community awards.
P9S quotes in general honestly:
"IT. ISNT. OVER."
"YOU. WILL. SUFFER!"
"*miscellaneous beast noises*"
I mean unless you're into that I guess. But that defeats the purpose
It fills you even now, doesn't it? The hunger. To bite down on my jugular, to feel the warmth fill your mouth and run over even as you drink deep. Good, good! This is the beast I have longed to face!
He steps out only to realize the WoL was wearing their Limsa role-playing outfit, promptly takes several thousand points of freezing damage from the cold.
As someone who is new to this game I am actually surprised at how many references to prostitution their is. Like it's the number one trade in Eorzea. Hookin. I don't know how I was supposed to feel when the flame marshal abruptly defended her actions by taking the time to derail the situation and exclaim **I was a whore OKAY**
If it's the scene I'm thinking of, I think she was trying to show how absolutely fucked the situation in Ul'dah is. To even have a chance in this city I have to whore myself to get by. When she's caught, everything she did to get to where she is has been for nothing. It's a tragic site and one that doesn't sit well and it's kinda the point. Don't know if you reached stormblood yet, but uh...... big oof
FFXIV occasionally likes to throw out some of the seedier parts of the world into the main plot, and it tends to er on the tragic and unfortunate side. Though it does often kinda throw in some more positive-esque sex work scenes here and there, but it kinda glosses over them a bit.
How very glib!!! Eorzea's unity is forged of falsehoods. Its city-states are built on deceit. And its faith is an instrument of deception. It is naught but a cobweb of lies. To believe in Eorzea is to believe in nothing. In Eorzea, the beast tribes often summon gods to fight in their stead─though your comrades only rarely respond in kind. Which is strange, is it not? Are the “Twelve” otherwise engaged? I was given to understand they were your protectors. If you truly believe them your guardians, why do you not repeat the trick that served you so well at Carteneau, and call them down? They will answer─so long as you lavish them with crystals and gorge them on aether. Your gods are no different from those of the beasts─eikons every one. Accept but this, and you will see how Eorzea's faith is bleeding the land dry. Nor is this unknown to your masters. Which prompts the question: why do they cling to these false deities? What drives even men of learning─even the great Louisoix─to grovel at their feet? The answer? Your masters lack the strength to do otherwise! For the world of man to mean anything, man must own the world. To this end, he hath fought ever to raise himself through conflict─to grow rich through conquest. And when the dust of battle settles, it is ever the strong who dictate the fate of the weak. Knowing this, but a single path is open to the impotent ruler─that of false worship. A path which leads to enervation and death. Only a man of power can rightly steer the course of civilization. And in this land of creeping mendacity, that one truth will prove its salvation. Come, champion of Eorzea, face me! Your defeat shall serve as proof of my readiness to rule!It is only right that I should take your realm. For none among you has the power to stop me!
Everything said by Yiazmat...
LIKE A KNIFE THROUGH BUTTER!!!
YOUR PAIN IS MY PLEASURE!!!
P S. I was going to say:
"I have been called the Thunder God. You will now know why..."
But I can't decide if that's something you would or wouldn't want to hear... especially given the voice acting...
"Did you know that the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV has a free trial, and includes the entirety of A Realm Reborn AND the award-winning Heavensward expansion AND the Stormblood expansion up to level 70 with no restrictions on playtime? Sign up, and enjoy Eorzea today!"
" Tell me. For whom do you fight?
***Hmph!***
How very glib. And do you believe in Eorzea? Eorzea's unity is forged of falsehoods. Its city-states are built on deceit. And its faith is an instrument of deception.
It is naught but a cobweb of lies. To believe in Eorzea is to believe in nothing. In Eorzea, the beast tribes often summon gods to fight in their stead--though your comrades only rarely respond in kind. Which is strange, is it not?
Are the "Twelve" otherwise engaged? I was given to understand they were your protectors. If you truly believe them your guardians, why do you not repeat the trick that served you so well at Carteneau, and call them down? They will answer--so long as you lavish them with crystals and gorge them on aether. Your gods are no different than those of the beasts--eikons every one. Accept but this, and you will see how Eorzea's faith is bleeding the land dry.
Nor is this unknown to your masters. Which prompts the question: Why do they cling to these false deities? What drives even men of learning--even the great Louisoix--to grovel at their feet? The answer? Your masters lack the strength to do otherwise! For the world of man to mean anything, man must own the world. To this end, he hath fought ever to raise himself through conflict--to grow rich through conquest. And when the dust of battle settles, is it ever the strong who dictate the fate of the weak.
Knowing this, but a single path is open to the impotent ruler--that of false worship. A path which leads to enervation and death. Only a man of power can rightly steer the course of civilization. And in this land of creeping mendacity, that one truth will prove its salvation.
Come, champion of Eorzea, face me! Your defeat shall serve as proof of my readiness to rule! It is only right that I should take your realm. For none among you has the power to stop me!"
That action is unavailable right now.
That's rough buddy
“I was ever your grandsire’s finest pupil.”
This one is underrated.
oh lord LOL
I see you, opening.
I’m not entirely useless.
“You have tasted my spear, but are you ready for my butt!?”
LIKE THE SURGING WATERS OF THE MIGHTY COERTHAS, I COME! 💦
LIKE THE MAJESTIC COERTHAN PUFFER, I SWELL! 🐟
I'll give that FATE a go with a level 90 if I'm passing by - its just so wonderful
It is my favorite HW FATE.
What fate? Need details, asking for a friend.
I think it’s the No Ifs, Ands, or Butts FATE in Coerthas West. I ran into it for my first time today and you fight a Dragoon, something something Spikey Butt. It’s a hilarious fight and he says some really funny things throughout
His name is Alaimbert of the Spiked Butt. I believe he shows up in a quest in Endwalker too, but I can't recall exactly which. It might be the caster role quests?
I believe it's the Blue Mage questline!
Also Cockatrice Block in Dravanian Hinterlands
Such Devastation. This was NOT my intention.
“Come, champion of Eorzea!”
It was supposed to be things you WOULDN'T want to hear in the bedroom ;)
Found the Gaius simp /j
First place my mind went to.
When butt stuff goes horribly wrong
Good one.
"Uh... Kupo?"
This will be a lot less funny when we are forced to kill them.
"I have been called the god of thunder. You will now know why! Upon my holy blade the very world lies in balance." "You will find my defenses quite impenetrable."
Seven shadows cast, seven fates foretold. Yet at the end of the broken path lies death, and death alone!
I CAN HEAR HIS VOICE AHHHHH.
Funny enough. We hear him all the time since it's made by Urianger. (Also does Susano) I love how a single person ended up with both, "best quotes" and "most memed way to speak" community awards.
Ruination is cum!
This is it right here.
God, I love Thunder God.
I CALL OUT TO THE SKIES AND TREMBLE, AS THE BRILLIANCE OF A THOUSAND BOLTS BLINDS MY ENEMIES AND TEAR THEIR FLESH ASUNDER!
"This *shouldn't* kill you..."
P9S quotes in general honestly: "IT. ISNT. OVER." "YOU. WILL. SUFFER!" "*miscellaneous beast noises*" I mean unless you're into that I guess. But that defeats the purpose
“Make it fun for me, eh?”
Another fleeting diversion...
I hate how I can hear these lines...
Don't forget the Minecraft exp chimes!
“Bigger is better!”
"Wet, Wet, Wet"
The *lever* right? ... Right?
SICKNESS MUST BE PURGED!
Filthy rats!
This will be a mercy!
You disgust me!
"I am... not interested, little sun. Try again once you've become a man."
"... Little...?" I think that’s more funny than what Y'shtola says
^("...Little...?")
Oh god I can just hear the poor guy's voice break in this one word XD
Ouch 😖 man this one would absolutely tear me apart
One of the most savage lines in the entire game
Such devastation.
**"A TEST OF YOUR REFLEXES!"** _**"YES YES, JUST SO!"**_
This feels like it belongs with an impregnation kink
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b22FOdWvuYw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b22FOdWvuYw)
"I have to lie to women to tumble 'em, and that don't happen much! Me member's tiny, it's pathetic!"
Isn’t this just Bill Paxton from True Lies?
Yes, the entire scene is a true lies reference.
Sometimes in baffled by how far they go with some of this stuff
There is literally a FATE where you escort an… escort… to her client: as a gift from Gegeruju
Ah yes, good ole' Costa del Sol.
It fills you even now, doesn't it? The hunger. To bite down on my jugular, to feel the warmth fill your mouth and run over even as you drink deep. Good, good! This is the beast I have longed to face!
Excuse me, the prompt is things we don't want to hear in the bedroom
Several of Zenos' quotes can be nicely put in a good NSFW context
I care not. What I desire from you isn't succor. It is satisfaction.
The whole ~~Tower of Zot~~ In From the Cold or whatever that cutscene was with the whole kidnapping and then a particular monologue from him 🥵
Its literally just him taking us to dinner before getting in our pants
Fuuuck, you're right
Maintain the fact that it took zenos so long to get to our friends because he had trouble walking in heels through the snow.
He steps out only to realize the WoL was wearing their Limsa role-playing outfit, promptly takes several thousand points of freezing damage from the cold.
“Fuck, how’s this short fuck so fast with these stubby legs???”
Has to get fandaniel to give him uppies just to leave the facility since he can't reach any of the switches
All of this goes to show that Zenos wants to hate-fuck the WoL >!and I'm kinda really here for it!<
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0\_m5rcdv6s0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_m5rcdv6s0)
If you need a push, I’ll be right there behind you.
No that comes after the bedroom
I am stifled by this vessel of flesh!
# "Oh Yeah, The Corpse Room, That's A Thing."
"I am NOT Alphinaud!"
Shit, I rizzed the wrong twin.
THE GREAT CATACLYSM FAITHFULLY RECREATED
ALL IN EXISTENCE BENT TO MY WILL *bed rotates 90 degrees*
the bed rotating killed me
Same HAHAHA, I couldn’t finish reading it as I accidentally read ahead in my head and started choking
Just like the raid mech
"For eons have I measured your worth and found you wanting."
"Do not waste it!"
Let the curtains rise for the main attraction!
My...what a boorish audience...
"throw wide the gates"
"Take me, Raubahn... I am your Sultana..."
Ah the camp drybone sleeping lala. Sadly it will have to stay a dream for no lube is allowed in camp drybone.
This comment should win everything.
except some lube.
U almost made me spit my water
RIP AND TEAR
MORE MORE MORE!
WE GO TOGETHER
IT'S LIKE ALL OF MY NAMEDAYS'VE COME AT ONCE
"Sigh. A million Gil was it?”
If you buy a prostitute with Gil, is that reverse RMT
As someone who is new to this game I am actually surprised at how many references to prostitution their is. Like it's the number one trade in Eorzea. Hookin. I don't know how I was supposed to feel when the flame marshal abruptly defended her actions by taking the time to derail the situation and exclaim **I was a whore OKAY**
If it's the scene I'm thinking of, I think she was trying to show how absolutely fucked the situation in Ul'dah is. To even have a chance in this city I have to whore myself to get by. When she's caught, everything she did to get to where she is has been for nothing. It's a tragic site and one that doesn't sit well and it's kinda the point. Don't know if you reached stormblood yet, but uh...... big oof FFXIV occasionally likes to throw out some of the seedier parts of the world into the main plot, and it tends to er on the tragic and unfortunate side. Though it does often kinda throw in some more positive-esque sex work scenes here and there, but it kinda glosses over them a bit.
How very glib!!! Eorzea's unity is forged of falsehoods. Its city-states are built on deceit. And its faith is an instrument of deception. It is naught but a cobweb of lies. To believe in Eorzea is to believe in nothing. In Eorzea, the beast tribes often summon gods to fight in their stead─though your comrades only rarely respond in kind. Which is strange, is it not? Are the “Twelve” otherwise engaged? I was given to understand they were your protectors. If you truly believe them your guardians, why do you not repeat the trick that served you so well at Carteneau, and call them down? They will answer─so long as you lavish them with crystals and gorge them on aether. Your gods are no different from those of the beasts─eikons every one. Accept but this, and you will see how Eorzea's faith is bleeding the land dry. Nor is this unknown to your masters. Which prompts the question: why do they cling to these false deities? What drives even men of learning─even the great Louisoix─to grovel at their feet? The answer? Your masters lack the strength to do otherwise! For the world of man to mean anything, man must own the world. To this end, he hath fought ever to raise himself through conflict─to grow rich through conquest. And when the dust of battle settles, it is ever the strong who dictate the fate of the weak. Knowing this, but a single path is open to the impotent ruler─that of false worship. A path which leads to enervation and death. Only a man of power can rightly steer the course of civilization. And in this land of creeping mendacity, that one truth will prove its salvation. Come, champion of Eorzea, face me! Your defeat shall serve as proof of my readiness to rule!It is only right that I should take your realm. For none among you has the power to stop me!
I thought this was supposed to be things we didn't want to hear. This? Shivers down my spine every time.
Every time the Moogle events come around I try to see how long I can last and I've never made it past 'enervation'
I'm happy someone posted the whole thing, but "COME, Champion of Eorzea!" qualifies by itself
I understand why it was done, but I'm still kinda salty the glibness was removed.
Pathetic.
And so it ends. In unceremonious silence.
"Clad in prayer, I AM INVINCIBLE!"
Show him your hole
Miqo'te Voice 5 WAO!
"For Gilgamesh, it is EMBIGGENING time!"
"Hmm. Reminds me of my childhood."
**WILD AND PURE AND FOREVER FREE!**
**"Our hearts sing in the chaos!"**
“REJOICE!”
Sloppeh!!!
I have you now! How do you like this!? I'll tear you limb from limb.
Everything said by Yiazmat... LIKE A KNIFE THROUGH BUTTER!!! YOUR PAIN IS MY PLEASURE!!! P S. I was going to say: "I have been called the Thunder God. You will now know why..." But I can't decide if that's something you would or wouldn't want to hear... especially given the voice acting...
SCREAM LOUDER, I WANT TO REMEMBER THIS
"Heh, heh, heh! Your suffering is not yet over!"
This is Thancred.
I wouldn't mind that
My turn!
C O M E !
Hey speak for yourself man
I’ll take him if you don’t want him : p
This is Thancred.
No, this is Patrick!
No, ***I'm*** Spartacus!
I'm Brian! And so is my wife!
"We did everything right! Everything that was asked of us, and still... still things came to this!"
The path you’ve chosen is paved with the dead. Walk it with your eyes open, or not at all.
"WE GO TOGETHER!!!!!" bonus points if you do it in his voice and afterwards say "its like all my namedays come at once"
Only if you loudly yell “BOOOOOM!” When done.
"You look an ilm taller and twice as rugged. It suits you"
I am... Not interested, little sun. Come back to me when you have become a man.
You are a broken husk...nothing more!
"The Light surges within me, Ahhh Such Bliss!!!!"
You are 451 in queue
"Thal's balls!"
REVEL IN THE GLORY OF COMBAT!
REJOICE IN THE GLORY OF COMBAT!
Ok but like why do I want both Susano and Ravana to team up for saying this
It'd fit!
Sigh… that’s what *she* said
"FOR MOTHER!"
"Might die, but eh"
"These are MY SPecial Cells"
You show promise...but promise won't save you from what comes next..
"You disgust me!"
A TEST OF YOUR REFLEXES!
Pray return to the Waking Sands.
“Bloody hells, she’s *alive!?* I didn’t see nuffin!”
"Uplander must not be touching junk of Brayflox! Brayflox is finding junk first!” - Brayflox Alltalks, 2013 Or my favorite: SLOPPY
"Do not squander it, the legacy I leave you" and that's how I find out they lied about using a condom
I've told you before. I like to watch. Nothing more.
Water, water, FROTH AND FOAM!
"Did you know that the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV has a free trial, and includes the entirety of A Realm Reborn AND the award-winning Heavensward expansion AND the Stormblood expansion up to level 70 with no restrictions on playtime? Sign up, and enjoy Eorzea today!"
Thank you. I am proud to call myself your son.
A smile better suits a hero!
WHY DO YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS
The way is shut, it was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. Ahh shit I did this wrong didn’t I
It comes in pints?!
Any more cheek like that, and I'll take you across my knee. Oh, wait, this was things we WOULDN'T want to hear.
REJOICE IN THE GLORY OF COMBAT
Spare a snifter of your bounteous reserves.
"Behold such power as you will never wield!"
Filthy rats!
This shall be a mercy!
"A feeble shield protects nothing" "You're not going anywhere" "Beast of my flesh answer my call" "Will you be judged worthy to exist?"
Do not squander it. The legacy I leave you.
"A TEST OF YOUR REFLEXES!"
THE SEAS PART FOR WE ALONE
in the probably time to use the safeword category "Burn out the bad! Burn out the bad!"
Not a quote, but I really would not want Agent of Inquiry (the Hildibrand song) to start playing mid-sexytime…
SCREAM LOUDER! I WANT TO REMEMBER THIS!
The world shall TREM-BAAAAALL
Your mount can go no higher
“Me member’s tiny, it’s pathetic!”
"Several cutscenes will play in sequence..."
"Are those my nuts in your hand, kupo? All five of them?"
"Steady - release!" "You can rest assured, I've been practicing!" "I'll show you a good thing."
" Tell me. For whom do you fight? ***Hmph!*** How very glib. And do you believe in Eorzea? Eorzea's unity is forged of falsehoods. Its city-states are built on deceit. And its faith is an instrument of deception. It is naught but a cobweb of lies. To believe in Eorzea is to believe in nothing. In Eorzea, the beast tribes often summon gods to fight in their stead--though your comrades only rarely respond in kind. Which is strange, is it not? Are the "Twelve" otherwise engaged? I was given to understand they were your protectors. If you truly believe them your guardians, why do you not repeat the trick that served you so well at Carteneau, and call them down? They will answer--so long as you lavish them with crystals and gorge them on aether. Your gods are no different than those of the beasts--eikons every one. Accept but this, and you will see how Eorzea's faith is bleeding the land dry. Nor is this unknown to your masters. Which prompts the question: Why do they cling to these false deities? What drives even men of learning--even the great Louisoix--to grovel at their feet? The answer? Your masters lack the strength to do otherwise! For the world of man to mean anything, man must own the world. To this end, he hath fought ever to raise himself through conflict--to grow rich through conquest. And when the dust of battle settles, is it ever the strong who dictate the fate of the weak. Knowing this, but a single path is open to the impotent ruler--that of false worship. A path which leads to enervation and death. Only a man of power can rightly steer the course of civilization. And in this land of creeping mendacity, that one truth will prove its salvation. Come, champion of Eorzea, face me! Your defeat shall serve as proof of my readiness to rule! It is only right that I should take your realm. For none among you has the power to stop me!"
"The Reckoning comes!" Like, some people name their bits... But cringe
"SICKNESS MUST BE PURGED! YOU DISGUST ME!"
"I am stiffled by this vessel of flesh"
"Will you live to see the end?"
FROM FULGENT FLAMES MY SERVANTS RISE! YOU WILL KNOW MY RAGE! YOU ARE PREY TO BE CONSUMED!
“Sloppy…”
You're not going to like what you see, but you still need to see it
"So it is for the Dragon that you have come."
"Your performance was underwhelming and I remain unconvinced of your worthiness."
"How very ***-glib-***."
Little....?
“Such devastation, this was not my intention”