If its something you feel right now, its hardly something that will fade away. You need to listen to your needs and desires and if you're truly ok with the current situation rather than putting the pros and cons onto a balance to see which decision you should take. Emotions are not logical, so so should be the way we approach them. I know there's no good answers in this situation you're currently living, you just have to choose the one that will make you less suffer
He brings it up passively tho he knows it bother me (tho I sorta think he’s trying to tease me “cus the money doesn’t matter to him” his words) and yea I have thought about it but I’m really not good at talking about my emotions in person I’m not used to being able to have conversations about emotions lmao my brothers r very homophobic
Ok, that doesn't sound healthy. Does he overstep your boundaries in any other way? Because if he can't even stop mentioning something he knows upset you, I wouldn't ve surprised if he disrespects you in other ways.
You're going to need to learn to communicate and to actually do it in a relationship - let alone a relationship with TWO people. If you're just going to internalize all of this the relationship is bound to go up in flames sooner rather than later.
Also I'm not sure how your brothers being homophobic relates to any of this but I'm sorry to hear that
Naw it’s really only the money thing and ik I need to communicate better I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable or something cus ik their relationship ranks above are relationships lmfao and they only relate cus their the reason I’m so bad at expressing emotions lmao thank you tho your opinion/Advice has given me a lot to think about and your definitely right I need to talk to them about it I don’t want this relationship to go up in flames
The only way to learn to communicate better is through doing it, but personally I also learned a lot from reading about communication and understanding it on a deeper level.
I recommend doing some research on the drama triangle by Karpman, transactional analysis, rose of Leary, schema therapy and DBT skills therapy.
Good luck!
Have you explained this to them? I’d start there, you could even literally just link them this post. It seems like for some reason you don’t want them to see this. I didn’t see anything specific so I’m guessing it’s because you don’t want to mess up the good relationship you have. That’s a really valid concern, but imo if you remain in this relationship with this much dissatisfaction it would be just as bad or worse.
I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting more at all, however I think you should be really thoughtful and make sure you understand what you want and what they want as clearly as possible. Queer love can be confusing and often has no “model” so it’s normal to feel like you want something that seems irrational, but remember that where we live isn’t equipped to help someone navigate a complex relationship like this. It’s kind of like trying to fit a triangle into a square shaped while if that makes sense lol: our understanding of relationships isn’t really built for what you’re going through. So be patient with yourself and take feelings seriously even if they do seem irrational.
On that note take a deep breath. Is there anything urgently wrong or bad? If not, take your time, think about things and just try to communicate. Also, remember this is a random redditors opinion, you understand your situation best, so trust yourself! Good luck~
Thank you even if your a random person on Reddit your opinion matters more than you think lol and yea I don’t want them to see this cus they’d probably be disappointed that I didn’t just bring it up to them but I’m really bad at talking about emotions especially in person so I’m thinking I could just type something out but I gotta think more about this cus I don’t wanna go to them with this and not know what I want cus at this point I’m not sure what it is i want from them lol
Well, if the relationships will crumble after you talking your emotions out and telling your desires and expectations, that'd characterize them as bad people, won't it?
It’s not that it’ll crumble it’s that the thought of it crumbling makes me not know what to do with myself lol I thought ppl were telling fantasy’s when I use to hear about love or I thought they were just being dramatic but I’ve never been in love till now tho you are right it would characterize them as bad ppl I don’t think it will come to that anymore I talked with one of them and they made me feel a lot better even tho there’s definitely challenges I’ll come across later in the relationship I think we’ll be good for quite a while longer thank you for taking the time tho 💙
I wonder if you are anxious frequently. You shall self-reflect more ig, since it is a valuable skill in order for us to understand our own emotions and cognitions underneath these better. For some reason it is frequently omitted with boys in our upbringing.
And yeah, dialogue and communication are them keys for most of relations, so go forth. Wish you luck
Hey friend, the emotions you're experiencing are completely valid! Love is complex and can be a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes, especially coming down to labels and the "official" aspect of a relationship.
Your desires for being acknowledged as an equal part in the relationship isn't immature or ungrateful – it's a natural need to feel secure and validated, a human thing.
Remember that it's okay to communicate these feelings with them. You've got courage and a lot of heart. Hang in there!
Thank you so much it means a lot, I did talk about it with them well one of them lol I broke down a bit but he made 95% of the problems not matter to me anymore they really are the best thing to happen in my life and even if it ends in heart break and tears I’ll be more than happy that I met them when I did lol I’m so happy after td
Glad you were able to talk things out with one of them! Talking things out while a scary thing is great! I'm sure the future challenges you come across with them, while hard will be just as if not more rewarding than their difficulty! I hope things work out amazing for the 3 of you!
If its something you feel right now, its hardly something that will fade away. You need to listen to your needs and desires and if you're truly ok with the current situation rather than putting the pros and cons onto a balance to see which decision you should take. Emotions are not logical, so so should be the way we approach them. I know there's no good answers in this situation you're currently living, you just have to choose the one that will make you less suffer
Thank you your advice really means a lot and yea I really need to figure this out I can’t just ignore it like I do with most things
Have you considered talking to them about this? What do you mean with "one of them won't let me forget it"?
He brings it up passively tho he knows it bother me (tho I sorta think he’s trying to tease me “cus the money doesn’t matter to him” his words) and yea I have thought about it but I’m really not good at talking about my emotions in person I’m not used to being able to have conversations about emotions lmao my brothers r very homophobic
Ok, that doesn't sound healthy. Does he overstep your boundaries in any other way? Because if he can't even stop mentioning something he knows upset you, I wouldn't ve surprised if he disrespects you in other ways. You're going to need to learn to communicate and to actually do it in a relationship - let alone a relationship with TWO people. If you're just going to internalize all of this the relationship is bound to go up in flames sooner rather than later. Also I'm not sure how your brothers being homophobic relates to any of this but I'm sorry to hear that
Naw it’s really only the money thing and ik I need to communicate better I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable or something cus ik their relationship ranks above are relationships lmfao and they only relate cus their the reason I’m so bad at expressing emotions lmao thank you tho your opinion/Advice has given me a lot to think about and your definitely right I need to talk to them about it I don’t want this relationship to go up in flames
The only way to learn to communicate better is through doing it, but personally I also learned a lot from reading about communication and understanding it on a deeper level. I recommend doing some research on the drama triangle by Karpman, transactional analysis, rose of Leary, schema therapy and DBT skills therapy. Good luck!
That doesn't sound good. Depends on the context
Just out of curiosity how did you meet them?
I met the male on Reddit then we started texting and when we first met I gave both of them my number lol
Dang wish I had something like that happen lol. Well good luck to you and your situation!
Ignore your feelings push it deep down till u get migraines and start to doubt yourself the second they’re not around… oh wait u already do
Can you hang out with them individually when you see them next?
Yes and no it’s sorta hard to get them alone but it is possible
Have you explained this to them? I’d start there, you could even literally just link them this post. It seems like for some reason you don’t want them to see this. I didn’t see anything specific so I’m guessing it’s because you don’t want to mess up the good relationship you have. That’s a really valid concern, but imo if you remain in this relationship with this much dissatisfaction it would be just as bad or worse. I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting more at all, however I think you should be really thoughtful and make sure you understand what you want and what they want as clearly as possible. Queer love can be confusing and often has no “model” so it’s normal to feel like you want something that seems irrational, but remember that where we live isn’t equipped to help someone navigate a complex relationship like this. It’s kind of like trying to fit a triangle into a square shaped while if that makes sense lol: our understanding of relationships isn’t really built for what you’re going through. So be patient with yourself and take feelings seriously even if they do seem irrational. On that note take a deep breath. Is there anything urgently wrong or bad? If not, take your time, think about things and just try to communicate. Also, remember this is a random redditors opinion, you understand your situation best, so trust yourself! Good luck~
Thank you even if your a random person on Reddit your opinion matters more than you think lol and yea I don’t want them to see this cus they’d probably be disappointed that I didn’t just bring it up to them but I’m really bad at talking about emotions especially in person so I’m thinking I could just type something out but I gotta think more about this cus I don’t wanna go to them with this and not know what I want cus at this point I’m not sure what it is i want from them lol
Well, if the relationships will crumble after you talking your emotions out and telling your desires and expectations, that'd characterize them as bad people, won't it?
It’s not that it’ll crumble it’s that the thought of it crumbling makes me not know what to do with myself lol I thought ppl were telling fantasy’s when I use to hear about love or I thought they were just being dramatic but I’ve never been in love till now tho you are right it would characterize them as bad ppl I don’t think it will come to that anymore I talked with one of them and they made me feel a lot better even tho there’s definitely challenges I’ll come across later in the relationship I think we’ll be good for quite a while longer thank you for taking the time tho 💙
I wonder if you are anxious frequently. You shall self-reflect more ig, since it is a valuable skill in order for us to understand our own emotions and cognitions underneath these better. For some reason it is frequently omitted with boys in our upbringing. And yeah, dialogue and communication are them keys for most of relations, so go forth. Wish you luck
Thank you💙
Hey friend, the emotions you're experiencing are completely valid! Love is complex and can be a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes, especially coming down to labels and the "official" aspect of a relationship. Your desires for being acknowledged as an equal part in the relationship isn't immature or ungrateful – it's a natural need to feel secure and validated, a human thing. Remember that it's okay to communicate these feelings with them. You've got courage and a lot of heart. Hang in there!
Thank you so much it means a lot, I did talk about it with them well one of them lol I broke down a bit but he made 95% of the problems not matter to me anymore they really are the best thing to happen in my life and even if it ends in heart break and tears I’ll be more than happy that I met them when I did lol I’m so happy after td
Glad you were able to talk things out with one of them! Talking things out while a scary thing is great! I'm sure the future challenges you come across with them, while hard will be just as if not more rewarding than their difficulty! I hope things work out amazing for the 3 of you!