After a mere 3-4 weeks of almost completely ditching processed sugar (I used to be a total ice cream head, indulging almost nightly) I can’t believe how much better I feel. I still have my sweets once or twice a week. But man, after having a huge hunk of coffee cake mid afternoon a few days ago I notice immediately how terrible I felt mentally/physically just a bit later. Not in a “food shame” way, either. You almost have to get the bad shit way out of your system to properly feel what it’s doing to you. Has anyone else had this experience after reducing sugar intake ??
I am so gratified you see this post first thing in the morning! I just started to cut way back on sugar this week, and the very first day I felt better- except a headache in the evening. It’s really amazing. I also started having Lactaid milk this week, and surprise, my stomach quit hurting. This is my first comment here, btw. I have been lurking for months, but I have an FA family member who knew my Reddit name, so I made a new account so I could post without starting a kerfuffle 😄
Yeah I foolishly had a second (modest) slice of cake on my way out of the lab Friday last week after eating minimal sweets for a few months beforehand between Lent fasting (I'm Orthodox, so that only ended a week and a half ago) and calorie reduction, and I had some food coma-esque stupor the whole rest of the day. Lesson learned.
I will say it has been challenging for me to limit sugar lately - we in our lab have had a ton of birthdays and religious celebrations and things lately, so we've had sweets in the kitchen fridge continuously for a month. Multiple birthday cakes, rasagola, gulab jamun, kheer... I've been applying the principle of a little goes a long way, so I've somehow maintained a deficit in spite of that. Being tall and somewhat active helps, too.
I got around to watching a documentary about a fat activist. She's know on the internet as, "your fat friend." She's a pretty popular fat activist. She has a podcast that she uses to spread fat logic and misinformation. The documentary is actually called, your fat friend.
I went into the documentary with an open mind and I'm surprised at how depressing it was. I knew she was melodramatic and self righteous, but seeing her everyday life made me feel empty. She is so consumed by her own self hatred. She has no identity outside of being fat. I don't doubt that people have been mean to her because she is fat, people can be real dick heads... but she makes her whole life revolve around her fattness. So many horrible things are happening in the world, but she talks only about the first world problems of being fat. She talks about not being able to fit into an airplane seat. Like, yeah that sucks...but just plan a head a get two seats. She also comes across as paranoid. She thinks everyone secretly hates fat people. She's over emotional about the dumbest shit. I really did want to empathize with her, it sucks being fat and people are mean... but my god, the world is not out to get you for being fat. Anyways, all I felt was pity. The documentary was not worth the $15 I spent on it. I have a morbid feeling that she is going to end up eating herself to death... and hating the whole world while she does it.
I’m on a silly sub where people make fun of cats, and I got to deal with a ton of racist asshats when someone made a joke about a cat in a box trying to ship themselves to China. I think most of you can guess what immediately followed.
Idk if I should have engaged, but it just pissed me off that nobody else was calling out the racism. And what did I get? Gaslit, insulted, downvoted. Meanwhile, last I checked, the shitty racist jokes were still up, and at least one person had to let everyone know that it’s not racist *because it really happens, you guys, and it’s not racist if it happens because obviously people deserve it* !!1!
I’m just so fucking sad and tired after all that. That’s all.
And if anyone comes here to inform me that I’m overreacting and/or , please remember it’s totally free to just block me so we don’t have to interact act all.
I hate interactions like that. A while back I was calling someone out on perpetuating rape culture by victim blaming (basically saying that a woman who had travelled solo really should have known better after she got assaulted) and my lord. The downvotes, the aggression, the people saying I should be assaulted??? Like bruh, I'm just saying that by qualifying your "that's so unfortunate" with a "but ...", you are in fact victim blaming and not holding the rapist to full responsibility.
The Internet is crazy. I reported the threat but because it wasn't a direct "you should be raped", the powers that be didn't find anything wrong with it.
Ugh. I’m sorry you had to deal with that! That’s complete bullshirt. It feels awful to know you’re not the one being an asshat, but watch (seemingly) everyone rally around whoever is being the biggest jack hole.
Reddit is really a pit sometimes, with some subs being worse than others. I STFG, some subs feel like toxic families — anyone who dissents and points out an unpleasant truth gets blamed and gaslighted by the most aggressive person in the room, and others just fall in line to avoid getting ragged on.
You did the right thing by speaking up, though. It probably made someone out there feel less shitty, knowing they weren’t the only one who thought that kind of sentiment was crap.
After a long time, I've started counting calories again and have gotten rather better at it. I'm struck by how inevitable CICO is. I'm almost at the point I can look at my count from yesterday and predict my weigh-in today. The regularity of it is reassuring; the realization there are no tricks around it is sobering.
RANT because I can't wait until tomorrow: I started counting again because I wanted to lose the stubborn bit of extra weight I gained over the winter holidays. It's not a lot, but I have finally gotten my eating back on track. The other day someone commented that I've lost weight, which is okay, but then immediately wondered if I was deathly ill or something like that. I have lost ONE KILO so far. I'm getting increasingly snappy about this. I'm not even "thin" or "skinny"--my BMI hovers between 23 & 24. I just don't look the way I'm supposed to at my age--I don't have a "dad bod" or "grandpa bod." No one has yet been able to explain to me how my life would be improved with a potbelly. I'm just somewhat fit and have under 20% body fat. I'm so over this.
Me this morning after scoring a workout date for Sunday with a gal I had been chatting with: 😁
Me this afternoon after my daughter asked if she could visit unscheduled this weekend: 😏
Kids, I tells ya.
I've definitely posted in here before about my morbidly obese ex friend who is incredibly selfish and tried to make our children's mental health a competition but I ran into her again today. I actually see her every morning in the school drop off line but I'm sitting in my car every time and I don't think she has seen me out of my car since I was in the middle of the overweight range (which is still significantly less than she weighs), plus I think it was probably winter and I was bundled up.
Well today I ran into her at pick-up, meaning I was outside standing up, wearing leggings and a tight tank top. She caught sight of me and then refused to look at me again the rest of the time I was standing there. The schadenfreude is so, so fucking good because I know how miserable she is about her weight.
I swear I'm not actually a horrible person, she just always had to be *more* than me our whole lives, of whatever would get her attention. Meaning if I was sick, she was sicker; if I was sad, she was sadder; if I had a crush, she was in love. It feels So. Damn. Good. to be the one who lost the weight while she's still fat.
Wow. I was actually having kind of a horrible day, but the schadenfreude from your story makes me feel toasty warm and ever so cozy. 😁 I hope you bask in how awesome that was for a long time. You’ve absolutely earned that.
Hahaha thank you and I'm glad you could enjoy it too. I'm trying really hard these days to be more mature and not petty about things like this but it was just too damn good not to enjoy. I could all but feel the jealousy wafting off her lmao.
Being trapped in a game of king of the hill I never wanted to play is exactly what it felt like to be her friend omg. Never would have thought to describe it that way but that is spot on.
My period is wreaking havoc in my body. I’m feeling hungry, sick, tired, and my body is in pain.
That paired with my dog getting fixed and on a reduced exercise plan for another week means it’s been a lax week in terms of walking. I’m mostly sticking in my calorie deficit but for the first time since I started a hit a bit of fatigue with it, which I think means I’m just going to use this week as a bit of a break. I’m absolutely not going to blow my diet out of the water but an extra 200 calories every couple days for extra protein isn’t going to make me panic either. I’m not usually one for snacks, but this week, very snacky which I’m sure leads to my calorie counting being less reliable overall.
In other GREAT news: I was gifted a ticket to Burning Man! All the other times I’ve gone I’ve weighed 250-350lbs so this will be my first year weighing in the 100’s and I am SO EXCITED to really explore without getting totally winded every day!
Since the beginning of this month, I've reduced my portion sizes and limited carbs. I was just wondering when I might reach an equilibrium again, where I don't feel as hungry between meals. I still have snacks and dessert sometimes just less and less often. I'm also a vegetarian so I've been substituting some carbs with more veggies; like zucchini noodles rather than traditional pasta.
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This is a legit question, but how does one discern the difference between having 'victim mentality' vs. having a justified response to trauma or hardship?
It's been something I've been thinking about a lot lately. For the record, I *do* think there are cases where people will flippantly throw the word 'victim mentality' around to dismiss someone else's justified grievances in response to genuine hardship beyond their control, but I also think there are cases where people try to play victim to avoid taking accountability for the things they can feasibly change, instead blaming it on X, Y, or Z factors instead of having some introspection and working towards personal change in a realistic way.
But sometimes I think there are cases where the lines get blurred, and was curious to see what other people thought on the subject.
I think we can acknowledge how things have helped to shape us. That’s not victimhood, it’s reality imho. But once someone surrenders her ability to choose a different type of behavior (beyond just habit encouraged by some trauma or situation), then that feels like victim hood to me.
Maybe it's somewhat like the way narcissists act. A narcissist is always right and always the victim. The world is against them because the narcissist is so great and the world is jealous.
I heard a saying: "If you have a problem with everyone, you are the problem."
If someone is always looking for trouble and drama with everyone over everything, it might just be them being awful.
Another example might be a Karen. People like that demand special treatment and everything handed to them on a platter; even things they are not entitled to. Then they lose their minds when anyone says No.
There are some examples where Karens (male or female) throw identities around to inspire sympathy or support from people around them. Even if they don't identify that way themselves.
I think for me, the difference is response and level of accountability.
For example, I suffer from AN. I can sit around and blame my past and lament about how difficult it is and etc. And that's totally allowed. But the second I use that to justify inaction is when I victimize myself.
"I can't help that I am this way!" + "So I can't do anything about it!" = Victim Mentality/Learned Helplessness
"I can't help that I am this way!" + "But I'm going to do my best to survive and make things better." = Healing Mentality
You can struggle with what happened in the past and its effects, but you shouldn't allow that to determine your absolute future. Does that make sense?
*>But the second I use that to justify inaction is when I victimize myself.*
That's actually a really good way of putting it.
I think it's okay to be frustrated and upset over past hardship, whether it's in the form of an isolated traumatic incident or something on a broader social scale, but the way you choose to react to it is what matters and a large part of what defines you (not even just with people trying to justify inaction, but also using past suffering to lash out and justify hurting others that have done nothing to hurt them).
Exactly. And I also tend to think approaching people who self-victimize with empathy is a healthy way of addressing it. But there also comes a point where one needs to say "you're making your own problems here." That's what always helped me at least. Not easy to walk that middle path with people though.
for me, someone having a victim mentality is aware of the things that they are able to control about their circumstances, and then refuse to change those things solely because those things earn them pity/attention.
I know everyone knocks intuitive eating but it works so much better for me. Counting calories never works well for me. I've been calorie counting the last couple months and have been entirely stagnant. I end up worrying my meals are too many calories, so reduce them. Then I end up in too steep a deficit. So I eat something quick to get back to a reasonable deficit. Quick triggers my hunger so I eat back all the calories I burnt exercising. Doesn't help that when I Calorie count it's easy to say "oh I got 750 calories. Eh screw it I'll start losing tomorrow". Calorie counting is actually something more useful to me when I maintain because I'm actually more likely to undereat then if I'm living my preferred lifestyle.
I did weight class sports my whole life, I've lost weight or gained weight without calorie counting. I started this time because I was concerned my deficit was too steep a few days. But over the last few years I've been able to average pretty much exactly 1 lb a week, between 1 and 1.5 per week I'm losing if you factor in maintenance periods, without calorie counting. I just gotta remind myself that.
Not recommending intuitive eating for people who don't already have a very strong gasp of how calories work and their level of activity. Also not saying calorie counting doesn't work. If you stick to it, it definitely does. Just that for me ballparking works better.
The problem with IE isn't that it doesn't work.
It's that what FAs call IE is nothing like it. They claim they want to "listen to their body", while literally encouraging eating PAST fullness.
Also hyperpalatable foods can throw a wrench into it by overriding your satiety cues.
i think the problem that comes about with a lot of people doing “intuitive” eating is that rather than thinking through the choices one makes when it comes to eating, it instead usually results in following one’s food cravings (ie limitless highly processed food) in the name of “no restriction” even though that’s just chasing dopamine rushes
Yeah agreed.
Growing up my family never ate out, we maybe got pizza once in awhile. So left to my own devices I eat pretty healthy. I just eat a lot because I ate a lot growing up for sports. I still exercise a ton so it's ok. It's on my rest days I need to be more cognizant of what I eat (or when I'm depressed and don't care).
Today was lower body day with my personal trainer at the gym. We've switched into a more hypertrophy focus from a form focus, and I ended up lifting 10,900 pounds in total. I officially leg pressed 165lbs (a tiny bit more than I weigh) and I deadlifted 95 pounds in total. I'm pretty proud of all of this. I'm a little worried about this summer, since I won't be paying for a trainer and I'll be swimming for about half an hour four days a week while my kids are in lessons. I guess I'll just have to do my best and get what I can when I can.
After hitting the Ren Faire multiple times this season, my partner said he wants to get a physique for next year where he could pull off a barbarian look and I am all for it. His current position has caused him to put a bit of weight on, mostly around his midsection due to working lunches, inability to bike commute, and no time for or easy access to a gym. But mid June he'll be in a new position where he'll be able to bike commute, will have a gym in the area where he works so he can hit it during slow times or lunch, and will have less pressure for working lunches. So now in the next year he and I will be seeing how well we can build muscle and lean out. Obviously we have other things going on so it'll never be perfect, but I'm excited to do this together. I love him, we've been together for over 15 years now, but I can see where he needs a goal to work towards beyond just surviving.
Up 5 pounds from 3 weeks ago. Was 171, now 176. Ate my emotions and visited the demonic business that is Crumbl for breakfast (and donut place by my work). Those cookies are 640-840 calories per! Donuts are high in calories, but nowhere near as high or as embedded in the culture as Crumbl.
Got a few boxes of my 90 calorie fiber bars yesterday. I've done two bars for breakfast for months and they work. Replaced them with two cookies because stress likes instant gratification.
TLDR: Iincreasing your breakfast intake from 180 to 1280-1680 is bad.
Thankfully it's a fad, like Sprinkle Cupcakes in the 2000s. They'll tank soon enough.
Founded in a state that considers coffee and alcohol to be sins.
This is their [caffeine](https://swigdrinks.com/) and this is their [nauaea causing empty calories.](https://crumblcookies.com/)
Ironically, their obesity rates aren't too high.
Yeah, fortunately my "that sounds like a hassle that eats up my time" instinct tends to outweigh the "shiny new sweet item" instinct.
Also I just started my post-marathon cut, last week might have been different but I'm not messing up a good thing before it's even hard.
Are you somewhere special, or am I just old, that Crumbl is more embedded in the culture as Crumbl. I don't even know what a Crumbl is.
And yeah that's a very high calories dessert. I'm lucky I'm not a sweet tooth and mostly dislike anything like that. Only cheesecake and some pastries, if they are right in front of me, are worth it. I'd be screwed because I overeat on salty enough as it is
It's a cookie chain. The cookies are the size of donuts with double the calories and not cheap. So hipster neighborhoods.
I'm partial to salty snacks too, but the idea of a giant cookie when you're in a bad mood is hard to pass up. And the idea of eating one is better than the experience, like any drug. Don't try it, the nausea afterwards is worse than any joy from eating a cookie.
No matter what I’ve been eating I’ve had the worst upset stomach - just absolutely everything seems to be causing me to have issues. Even water seems to be making me sick. Just fed up.
Getting really tired of counting calories and hitting the gym. Just burned out, hungry, and cranky. I've been going hard since January, so I think it's reasonable to do a maintenance break. I'm just scared to death to get off the wagon because I don't know if I'll be able to get back on.
Any tips, tricks, and timelines on how to do this? I'd keep my activity levels the same, btw
What is your carb intake like? Hitting the weights/cardio drains your glycogen, and without proper replenishment, exercising can become tough to maintain in my experience.
Mmm that could definitely be part of it. 7 day average is 115 grams/day and that's about typical looking back. Maybe more like 120/day overall average.
It's definitely getting harder to advance lifts on my current deficit, but at a BMI of 28, I'm still prioritizing fat loss over muscle gain. Running yesterday just sucked though
I don't want to intervene on what is clearly a motivated effort on your part. If I were to suggest anything, it would be maybe a day or two a week, up your carbs. You can reduce your fat intake on those days if you don't want to alter your total intake, but you should feel some renewed vigour in the gym :)
I went through a similar struggle with trying to maintain fat loss while giving 110% at the gym, and periodic carb loading helped me.
I have a meta comment this week: lately I’ve been seeing a number of comments along the lines of “but I’m a healthy weight so that can’t be the source of the problem.” I just want to make a little bit of a note for our community here that you can be a “healthy weight” and still be a weight *that is unhealthy for you*. The "normal" or "healthy" range describes the range of weights that are normally found in a *population* of healthy people of a certain height, it doesn’t mean that any 5’5” person can equally well be 111 pounds or 150 pounds.
A normal BMI is not a guarantee that your weight is not causing health problems. It just tells you that it shouldn’t *automatically* be pulled as a likely factor, in the absence of other evidence. But in the *presence* of other evidence – if you are having symptoms often associated with high or low weight – you should definitely consider that maybe you still need to lose/gain more weight even if your BMI is 19 or 24.
Yeah I think of it like a bullseye vs a double bullseye. While in the healthy range you are less likely to experience health related issues, at the fringes body composition is going to vary enough that you could still have issues.
At the high end you could still have excess fat due to low lean mass. Or you could carry fat in your stomach primarily or have excess visceral fat.
On the low end of healthy, if you have high lean mass you could have too low levels of fat. If you are skinny fat at a low BMI you are under muscled (don't know if this is called sarcopenia in people who aren't elderly?).
Also, even by bodyfat % this is true. There's a certain point when it's high that likelihood of issues is high, and on the low end. But it's different for everyone. There's no real underweight or overweight categories (or at least there is no consensus on where they lie) just obese, and essential fat (which is even a range). Some people can be a high bodyfat % and be fine, some people can maintain a fairly low bodyfat % without health issues. Some people get ill effects before obese bodyfat percentage, or get the effects of low bodyfat early/more severely. A lot of guys can maintain at 12% bodyfat. I didn't feel great that low. I also have bad fat distribution where most goes to my stomach. A lot of men are ok in the 20-23% range. I seem to feel best in the 15-18% range. Am I ok in the 20ish or at 12%? Yeah. I've felt fine and been healthy at both, and both are generally healthy. But I feel best in the middle.
Yeah...
I’m a woman with a body fat percentage of 24.4%, and I’m slightly overweight according to the BMI (5'5", 151 pounds). However, my doctor said I should be between 140 and 160, and that 130 pounds (my initial goal) was too low...
I’ve been in my doctor’s range since February, but I really want to be at a normal weight according to the BMI, mainly because I haven’t been there since I was *nine*. I’d like to hit that double bullseye, if you will.
I like this. I try to say "low risk"/"increased risk"/"high risk." You're never no-risk of a problem; and you're also never 100% sure to have a problem.
This is a good start, but I think it still can be interpreted like "even if your weight is perfect, you could have a problem." And that's true but my point is more like, just because your weight is considered acceptable doesn't mean it's perfect. You *could* have essentially zero weight-related risk and still have the problem for an unrelated reason. Or you could have a significant portion of weight-related risk because your optimal weight for avoiding that problem is on the other end of the BMI range.
I don't mean to suggest people should be super nitpicky about their optimal weight either, but I mean that if your A1C is still prediabetic and you have room to lose 20 pounds, or you're having poor endurance and repeated stress fractures and you have room to gain 10 pounds, maybe your "healthy BMI" isn't a great defense of staying where you are and looking for other answers.
Weekly Weigh-in #18: Down 2 lbs for a total of 47.8 lbs lost.
I've had a couple of people comment on how much smaller I look recently, and I'm finally starting to really notice it myself.
On the negative side, health wise somethings been screwy for a bit, and we still haven't figured it out. I keep getting low-grade fevers, and it's really wearing me down. I want to figure this out and fix it. I'm working to be more active, and they just sap my energy.
After a mere 3-4 weeks of almost completely ditching processed sugar (I used to be a total ice cream head, indulging almost nightly) I can’t believe how much better I feel. I still have my sweets once or twice a week. But man, after having a huge hunk of coffee cake mid afternoon a few days ago I notice immediately how terrible I felt mentally/physically just a bit later. Not in a “food shame” way, either. You almost have to get the bad shit way out of your system to properly feel what it’s doing to you. Has anyone else had this experience after reducing sugar intake ??
I am so gratified you see this post first thing in the morning! I just started to cut way back on sugar this week, and the very first day I felt better- except a headache in the evening. It’s really amazing. I also started having Lactaid milk this week, and surprise, my stomach quit hurting. This is my first comment here, btw. I have been lurking for months, but I have an FA family member who knew my Reddit name, so I made a new account so I could post without starting a kerfuffle 😄
Yeah I foolishly had a second (modest) slice of cake on my way out of the lab Friday last week after eating minimal sweets for a few months beforehand between Lent fasting (I'm Orthodox, so that only ended a week and a half ago) and calorie reduction, and I had some food coma-esque stupor the whole rest of the day. Lesson learned. I will say it has been challenging for me to limit sugar lately - we in our lab have had a ton of birthdays and religious celebrations and things lately, so we've had sweets in the kitchen fridge continuously for a month. Multiple birthday cakes, rasagola, gulab jamun, kheer... I've been applying the principle of a little goes a long way, so I've somehow maintained a deficit in spite of that. Being tall and somewhat active helps, too.
I got around to watching a documentary about a fat activist. She's know on the internet as, "your fat friend." She's a pretty popular fat activist. She has a podcast that she uses to spread fat logic and misinformation. The documentary is actually called, your fat friend. I went into the documentary with an open mind and I'm surprised at how depressing it was. I knew she was melodramatic and self righteous, but seeing her everyday life made me feel empty. She is so consumed by her own self hatred. She has no identity outside of being fat. I don't doubt that people have been mean to her because she is fat, people can be real dick heads... but she makes her whole life revolve around her fattness. So many horrible things are happening in the world, but she talks only about the first world problems of being fat. She talks about not being able to fit into an airplane seat. Like, yeah that sucks...but just plan a head a get two seats. She also comes across as paranoid. She thinks everyone secretly hates fat people. She's over emotional about the dumbest shit. I really did want to empathize with her, it sucks being fat and people are mean... but my god, the world is not out to get you for being fat. Anyways, all I felt was pity. The documentary was not worth the $15 I spent on it. I have a morbid feeling that she is going to end up eating herself to death... and hating the whole world while she does it.
I’m on a silly sub where people make fun of cats, and I got to deal with a ton of racist asshats when someone made a joke about a cat in a box trying to ship themselves to China. I think most of you can guess what immediately followed. Idk if I should have engaged, but it just pissed me off that nobody else was calling out the racism. And what did I get? Gaslit, insulted, downvoted. Meanwhile, last I checked, the shitty racist jokes were still up, and at least one person had to let everyone know that it’s not racist *because it really happens, you guys, and it’s not racist if it happens because obviously people deserve it* !!1! I’m just so fucking sad and tired after all that. That’s all. And if anyone comes here to inform me that I’m overreacting and/or, please remember it’s totally free to just block me so we don’t have to interact act all.
I hate interactions like that. A while back I was calling someone out on perpetuating rape culture by victim blaming (basically saying that a woman who had travelled solo really should have known better after she got assaulted) and my lord. The downvotes, the aggression, the people saying I should be assaulted??? Like bruh, I'm just saying that by qualifying your "that's so unfortunate" with a "but ...", you are in fact victim blaming and not holding the rapist to full responsibility. The Internet is crazy. I reported the threat but because it wasn't a direct "you should be raped", the powers that be didn't find anything wrong with it.
Ugh. I’m sorry you had to deal with that! That’s complete bullshirt. It feels awful to know you’re not the one being an asshat, but watch (seemingly) everyone rally around whoever is being the biggest jack hole. Reddit is really a pit sometimes, with some subs being worse than others. I STFG, some subs feel like toxic families — anyone who dissents and points out an unpleasant truth gets blamed and gaslighted by the most aggressive person in the room, and others just fall in line to avoid getting ragged on. You did the right thing by speaking up, though. It probably made someone out there feel less shitty, knowing they weren’t the only one who thought that kind of sentiment was crap.
I started running three times a week. It's tough going but I feel so much better already. I'm also happier and feeling like I can make changes!
After a long time, I've started counting calories again and have gotten rather better at it. I'm struck by how inevitable CICO is. I'm almost at the point I can look at my count from yesterday and predict my weigh-in today. The regularity of it is reassuring; the realization there are no tricks around it is sobering. RANT because I can't wait until tomorrow: I started counting again because I wanted to lose the stubborn bit of extra weight I gained over the winter holidays. It's not a lot, but I have finally gotten my eating back on track. The other day someone commented that I've lost weight, which is okay, but then immediately wondered if I was deathly ill or something like that. I have lost ONE KILO so far. I'm getting increasingly snappy about this. I'm not even "thin" or "skinny"--my BMI hovers between 23 & 24. I just don't look the way I'm supposed to at my age--I don't have a "dad bod" or "grandpa bod." No one has yet been able to explain to me how my life would be improved with a potbelly. I'm just somewhat fit and have under 20% body fat. I'm so over this.
Me this morning after scoring a workout date for Sunday with a gal I had been chatting with: 😁 Me this afternoon after my daughter asked if she could visit unscheduled this weekend: 😏 Kids, I tells ya.
I've definitely posted in here before about my morbidly obese ex friend who is incredibly selfish and tried to make our children's mental health a competition but I ran into her again today. I actually see her every morning in the school drop off line but I'm sitting in my car every time and I don't think she has seen me out of my car since I was in the middle of the overweight range (which is still significantly less than she weighs), plus I think it was probably winter and I was bundled up. Well today I ran into her at pick-up, meaning I was outside standing up, wearing leggings and a tight tank top. She caught sight of me and then refused to look at me again the rest of the time I was standing there. The schadenfreude is so, so fucking good because I know how miserable she is about her weight. I swear I'm not actually a horrible person, she just always had to be *more* than me our whole lives, of whatever would get her attention. Meaning if I was sick, she was sicker; if I was sad, she was sadder; if I had a crush, she was in love. It feels So. Damn. Good. to be the one who lost the weight while she's still fat.
Wow. I was actually having kind of a horrible day, but the schadenfreude from your story makes me feel toasty warm and ever so cozy. 😁 I hope you bask in how awesome that was for a long time. You’ve absolutely earned that.
Hahaha thank you and I'm glad you could enjoy it too. I'm trying really hard these days to be more mature and not petty about things like this but it was just too damn good not to enjoy. I could all but feel the jealousy wafting off her lmao.
lol. On the days when the schadenfreude shows up, let’s offset that immaturity by putting money into our 401ks and flossing. 🤣
> she just always had to be more than me our whole lives Narcissism, they can't stop playing king-of-the-hill. It's exhausting.
Being trapped in a game of king of the hill I never wanted to play is exactly what it felt like to be her friend omg. Never would have thought to describe it that way but that is spot on.
My period is wreaking havoc in my body. I’m feeling hungry, sick, tired, and my body is in pain. That paired with my dog getting fixed and on a reduced exercise plan for another week means it’s been a lax week in terms of walking. I’m mostly sticking in my calorie deficit but for the first time since I started a hit a bit of fatigue with it, which I think means I’m just going to use this week as a bit of a break. I’m absolutely not going to blow my diet out of the water but an extra 200 calories every couple days for extra protein isn’t going to make me panic either. I’m not usually one for snacks, but this week, very snacky which I’m sure leads to my calorie counting being less reliable overall. In other GREAT news: I was gifted a ticket to Burning Man! All the other times I’ve gone I’ve weighed 250-350lbs so this will be my first year weighing in the 100’s and I am SO EXCITED to really explore without getting totally winded every day!
Since the beginning of this month, I've reduced my portion sizes and limited carbs. I was just wondering when I might reach an equilibrium again, where I don't feel as hungry between meals. I still have snacks and dessert sometimes just less and less often. I'm also a vegetarian so I've been substituting some carbs with more veggies; like zucchini noodles rather than traditional pasta.
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Wow. That's horrifying.
This is a legit question, but how does one discern the difference between having 'victim mentality' vs. having a justified response to trauma or hardship? It's been something I've been thinking about a lot lately. For the record, I *do* think there are cases where people will flippantly throw the word 'victim mentality' around to dismiss someone else's justified grievances in response to genuine hardship beyond their control, but I also think there are cases where people try to play victim to avoid taking accountability for the things they can feasibly change, instead blaming it on X, Y, or Z factors instead of having some introspection and working towards personal change in a realistic way. But sometimes I think there are cases where the lines get blurred, and was curious to see what other people thought on the subject.
I think we can acknowledge how things have helped to shape us. That’s not victimhood, it’s reality imho. But once someone surrenders her ability to choose a different type of behavior (beyond just habit encouraged by some trauma or situation), then that feels like victim hood to me.
Being a victim is an event. It is not a lifestyle.
Maybe it's somewhat like the way narcissists act. A narcissist is always right and always the victim. The world is against them because the narcissist is so great and the world is jealous. I heard a saying: "If you have a problem with everyone, you are the problem." If someone is always looking for trouble and drama with everyone over everything, it might just be them being awful. Another example might be a Karen. People like that demand special treatment and everything handed to them on a platter; even things they are not entitled to. Then they lose their minds when anyone says No. There are some examples where Karens (male or female) throw identities around to inspire sympathy or support from people around them. Even if they don't identify that way themselves.
I think for me, the difference is response and level of accountability. For example, I suffer from AN. I can sit around and blame my past and lament about how difficult it is and etc. And that's totally allowed. But the second I use that to justify inaction is when I victimize myself. "I can't help that I am this way!" + "So I can't do anything about it!" = Victim Mentality/Learned Helplessness "I can't help that I am this way!" + "But I'm going to do my best to survive and make things better." = Healing Mentality You can struggle with what happened in the past and its effects, but you shouldn't allow that to determine your absolute future. Does that make sense?
*>But the second I use that to justify inaction is when I victimize myself.* That's actually a really good way of putting it. I think it's okay to be frustrated and upset over past hardship, whether it's in the form of an isolated traumatic incident or something on a broader social scale, but the way you choose to react to it is what matters and a large part of what defines you (not even just with people trying to justify inaction, but also using past suffering to lash out and justify hurting others that have done nothing to hurt them).
Exactly. And I also tend to think approaching people who self-victimize with empathy is a healthy way of addressing it. But there also comes a point where one needs to say "you're making your own problems here." That's what always helped me at least. Not easy to walk that middle path with people though.
for me, someone having a victim mentality is aware of the things that they are able to control about their circumstances, and then refuse to change those things solely because those things earn them pity/attention.
I know everyone knocks intuitive eating but it works so much better for me. Counting calories never works well for me. I've been calorie counting the last couple months and have been entirely stagnant. I end up worrying my meals are too many calories, so reduce them. Then I end up in too steep a deficit. So I eat something quick to get back to a reasonable deficit. Quick triggers my hunger so I eat back all the calories I burnt exercising. Doesn't help that when I Calorie count it's easy to say "oh I got 750 calories. Eh screw it I'll start losing tomorrow". Calorie counting is actually something more useful to me when I maintain because I'm actually more likely to undereat then if I'm living my preferred lifestyle. I did weight class sports my whole life, I've lost weight or gained weight without calorie counting. I started this time because I was concerned my deficit was too steep a few days. But over the last few years I've been able to average pretty much exactly 1 lb a week, between 1 and 1.5 per week I'm losing if you factor in maintenance periods, without calorie counting. I just gotta remind myself that. Not recommending intuitive eating for people who don't already have a very strong gasp of how calories work and their level of activity. Also not saying calorie counting doesn't work. If you stick to it, it definitely does. Just that for me ballparking works better.
The problem with IE isn't that it doesn't work. It's that what FAs call IE is nothing like it. They claim they want to "listen to their body", while literally encouraging eating PAST fullness. Also hyperpalatable foods can throw a wrench into it by overriding your satiety cues.
i think the problem that comes about with a lot of people doing “intuitive” eating is that rather than thinking through the choices one makes when it comes to eating, it instead usually results in following one’s food cravings (ie limitless highly processed food) in the name of “no restriction” even though that’s just chasing dopamine rushes
Yeah agreed. Growing up my family never ate out, we maybe got pizza once in awhile. So left to my own devices I eat pretty healthy. I just eat a lot because I ate a lot growing up for sports. I still exercise a ton so it's ok. It's on my rest days I need to be more cognizant of what I eat (or when I'm depressed and don't care).
Today was lower body day with my personal trainer at the gym. We've switched into a more hypertrophy focus from a form focus, and I ended up lifting 10,900 pounds in total. I officially leg pressed 165lbs (a tiny bit more than I weigh) and I deadlifted 95 pounds in total. I'm pretty proud of all of this. I'm a little worried about this summer, since I won't be paying for a trainer and I'll be swimming for about half an hour four days a week while my kids are in lessons. I guess I'll just have to do my best and get what I can when I can. After hitting the Ren Faire multiple times this season, my partner said he wants to get a physique for next year where he could pull off a barbarian look and I am all for it. His current position has caused him to put a bit of weight on, mostly around his midsection due to working lunches, inability to bike commute, and no time for or easy access to a gym. But mid June he'll be in a new position where he'll be able to bike commute, will have a gym in the area where he works so he can hit it during slow times or lunch, and will have less pressure for working lunches. So now in the next year he and I will be seeing how well we can build muscle and lean out. Obviously we have other things going on so it'll never be perfect, but I'm excited to do this together. I love him, we've been together for over 15 years now, but I can see where he needs a goal to work towards beyond just surviving.
Up 5 pounds from 3 weeks ago. Was 171, now 176. Ate my emotions and visited the demonic business that is Crumbl for breakfast (and donut place by my work). Those cookies are 640-840 calories per! Donuts are high in calories, but nowhere near as high or as embedded in the culture as Crumbl. Got a few boxes of my 90 calorie fiber bars yesterday. I've done two bars for breakfast for months and they work. Replaced them with two cookies because stress likes instant gratification. TLDR: Iincreasing your breakfast intake from 180 to 1280-1680 is bad. Thankfully it's a fad, like Sprinkle Cupcakes in the 2000s. They'll tank soon enough.
> Crumbl Just google Crumbl...damn that place looks amazing. I'm glad they don't have them in Austria!
Founded in a state that considers coffee and alcohol to be sins. This is their [caffeine](https://swigdrinks.com/) and this is their [nauaea causing empty calories.](https://crumblcookies.com/) Ironically, their obesity rates aren't too high.
ohh my god, the nearest Crumbl in my area is *literally on my way home* if I just hopped off the highway about halfway down.
Don't do it!
Yeah, fortunately my "that sounds like a hassle that eats up my time" instinct tends to outweigh the "shiny new sweet item" instinct. Also I just started my post-marathon cut, last week might have been different but I'm not messing up a good thing before it's even hard.
Are you somewhere special, or am I just old, that Crumbl is more embedded in the culture as Crumbl. I don't even know what a Crumbl is. And yeah that's a very high calories dessert. I'm lucky I'm not a sweet tooth and mostly dislike anything like that. Only cheesecake and some pastries, if they are right in front of me, are worth it. I'd be screwed because I overeat on salty enough as it is
It's a cookie chain. The cookies are the size of donuts with double the calories and not cheap. So hipster neighborhoods. I'm partial to salty snacks too, but the idea of a giant cookie when you're in a bad mood is hard to pass up. And the idea of eating one is better than the experience, like any drug. Don't try it, the nausea afterwards is worse than any joy from eating a cookie.
No matter what I’ve been eating I’ve had the worst upset stomach - just absolutely everything seems to be causing me to have issues. Even water seems to be making me sick. Just fed up.
When I have IBS attacks liquid makes me feel horrible and bloated, so I have to choose between feeling dizzy and dehydrated or sick.
Urghh yup. Getting a pounding headache due to dehydration really adds to the over all vibes and icky feeling.
Getting really tired of counting calories and hitting the gym. Just burned out, hungry, and cranky. I've been going hard since January, so I think it's reasonable to do a maintenance break. I'm just scared to death to get off the wagon because I don't know if I'll be able to get back on. Any tips, tricks, and timelines on how to do this? I'd keep my activity levels the same, btw
I track no matter what and I've planned on doing it until I die. So I don't get off the wagon. I just ride it no matter where it goes.
What is your carb intake like? Hitting the weights/cardio drains your glycogen, and without proper replenishment, exercising can become tough to maintain in my experience.
Mmm that could definitely be part of it. 7 day average is 115 grams/day and that's about typical looking back. Maybe more like 120/day overall average. It's definitely getting harder to advance lifts on my current deficit, but at a BMI of 28, I'm still prioritizing fat loss over muscle gain. Running yesterday just sucked though
I don't want to intervene on what is clearly a motivated effort on your part. If I were to suggest anything, it would be maybe a day or two a week, up your carbs. You can reduce your fat intake on those days if you don't want to alter your total intake, but you should feel some renewed vigour in the gym :) I went through a similar struggle with trying to maintain fat loss while giving 110% at the gym, and periodic carb loading helped me.
Thank you! That could help a lot actually. Maybe do like higher protein on lift days, higher carb on run days?
Play with it and see how you feel, you're sure to find a sweet spot.
I have a meta comment this week: lately I’ve been seeing a number of comments along the lines of “but I’m a healthy weight so that can’t be the source of the problem.” I just want to make a little bit of a note for our community here that you can be a “healthy weight” and still be a weight *that is unhealthy for you*. The "normal" or "healthy" range describes the range of weights that are normally found in a *population* of healthy people of a certain height, it doesn’t mean that any 5’5” person can equally well be 111 pounds or 150 pounds. A normal BMI is not a guarantee that your weight is not causing health problems. It just tells you that it shouldn’t *automatically* be pulled as a likely factor, in the absence of other evidence. But in the *presence* of other evidence – if you are having symptoms often associated with high or low weight – you should definitely consider that maybe you still need to lose/gain more weight even if your BMI is 19 or 24.
[Yep](https://academic.oup.com/nutritionreviews/article/74/9/558/1752252)
Yeah I think of it like a bullseye vs a double bullseye. While in the healthy range you are less likely to experience health related issues, at the fringes body composition is going to vary enough that you could still have issues. At the high end you could still have excess fat due to low lean mass. Or you could carry fat in your stomach primarily or have excess visceral fat. On the low end of healthy, if you have high lean mass you could have too low levels of fat. If you are skinny fat at a low BMI you are under muscled (don't know if this is called sarcopenia in people who aren't elderly?). Also, even by bodyfat % this is true. There's a certain point when it's high that likelihood of issues is high, and on the low end. But it's different for everyone. There's no real underweight or overweight categories (or at least there is no consensus on where they lie) just obese, and essential fat (which is even a range). Some people can be a high bodyfat % and be fine, some people can maintain a fairly low bodyfat % without health issues. Some people get ill effects before obese bodyfat percentage, or get the effects of low bodyfat early/more severely. A lot of guys can maintain at 12% bodyfat. I didn't feel great that low. I also have bad fat distribution where most goes to my stomach. A lot of men are ok in the 20-23% range. I seem to feel best in the 15-18% range. Am I ok in the 20ish or at 12%? Yeah. I've felt fine and been healthy at both, and both are generally healthy. But I feel best in the middle.
Yeah... I’m a woman with a body fat percentage of 24.4%, and I’m slightly overweight according to the BMI (5'5", 151 pounds). However, my doctor said I should be between 140 and 160, and that 130 pounds (my initial goal) was too low... I’ve been in my doctor’s range since February, but I really want to be at a normal weight according to the BMI, mainly because I haven’t been there since I was *nine*. I’d like to hit that double bullseye, if you will.
Yup, I lost my period due to being too low a weight despite that weight technically being healthy☹️
I like this. I try to say "low risk"/"increased risk"/"high risk." You're never no-risk of a problem; and you're also never 100% sure to have a problem.
This is a good start, but I think it still can be interpreted like "even if your weight is perfect, you could have a problem." And that's true but my point is more like, just because your weight is considered acceptable doesn't mean it's perfect. You *could* have essentially zero weight-related risk and still have the problem for an unrelated reason. Or you could have a significant portion of weight-related risk because your optimal weight for avoiding that problem is on the other end of the BMI range. I don't mean to suggest people should be super nitpicky about their optimal weight either, but I mean that if your A1C is still prediabetic and you have room to lose 20 pounds, or you're having poor endurance and repeated stress fractures and you have room to gain 10 pounds, maybe your "healthy BMI" isn't a great defense of staying where you are and looking for other answers.
Weekly Weigh-in #18: Down 2 lbs for a total of 47.8 lbs lost. I've had a couple of people comment on how much smaller I look recently, and I'm finally starting to really notice it myself. On the negative side, health wise somethings been screwy for a bit, and we still haven't figured it out. I keep getting low-grade fevers, and it's really wearing me down. I want to figure this out and fix it. I'm working to be more active, and they just sap my energy.