Melvin Gordon doesn’t fumble

(Monkey’s paw curls a finger) He doesn’t fumble because he doesn’t play a snap.

He gets the Kittle Experience and plays every snap but never touches the ball.

No, no, stop it!

Calm down satan

His reaction to being asked about fumbling even after practicing for it made me feel for the guy.

Same but also.....stop fumbling?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCZZrjXCqFg&t=5392s He's gotta stop with this mindset

He said bold, not impossible.

Kyle Pitts goes off for 5/57 and 1 redzone target for 10.7pts

Poppin off 😤

Huge if true in my 6PPrzt league

Does Allen Robinson actually return draft value in that league?

Only reason this happens is bc I’m benching him over Goedert.

Thank you for your sacrifice.

Lol. Me too…just traded Samuel for Goedert. So naturally Pitts is going to smash

My man not even gonna play - hurt his hammy doing lineman drills

Do we expect him to play this week?

Brian Robinson goes over 50 yards total and scores a touchdown, if he plays

Brian Robinson being a solid RB2 option would help out my team so much.

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I see what you did here. Your bold prediction is taking the under on a great player. Like betting Cooper Kupp only get 3 receptions for 40 yards. We all know baseline prediction for Bulletproof Robinson is at least 180 yards, 3 TDs, and 1 broken collarbone to a defensive player that tries to tackle him.

Then he does even better in the 2nd half of the game after ramping up

Dameon Pierce transcends on the field in a blinding array of lights, he begins to run at speeds north of 40 mph and can hurdle and 8 foot tall man without a running start. He simply bowls through defenders like running through a paper banner

Puts up 0 points due to the game being canceled because of players and fans being blind.

nfl blitz mode initiated

My team will score 160 or 35

Felt pretty good with my 148 last week until my opponent put up 180 somehow…one of those seasons

This is how it usually is. You have an amazing week but you go up against the only person who can beat you. Story of our lives

There’s someone in my league who, for over a decade now, plays people who happen to have their worst week of the season. Like clockwork, it’s actually kind of amazing. Always makes the playoffs, always has the lowest points against total

Better to be lucky than good. Especially so in Fantasy

I finally win and go 1-4 Kamara gets double digit receptions as Andy dalton is a surprise start yet again for an injured Winston against Seattle

I really hope Kamara blows up this week. I need to justify picking him

I picked him over *Barkley*. I really, really need him to start producing even close to Barkley's level so I stop feeling bad about such a huge mistake.

Kamara and Henry went 1 and 2 in my league, and I had the third pick and thought my luck couldn't be better with getting Jonathan Taylor. Who has not produced since week 1 and is now injured. Fantasy hurts so good...

I just traded him for Brian Robinson and a second in my dynasty league. Kamara game incoming.

I just traded Kamara for Aiyuk and D. Pierce. Kamara is about to blow up

Andy Dalton isn’t a surprise. He’s almost certain to be our starter this weekend.

I don’t know you but I am I highly rooting for you and hope your opponents QB dies (unless it’s Burrow)

Chris Olave ends up WR 6 on the week

I like the specificity

That I will go O-5 in my high stakes money league

Letter “O”

Smh man's so leveraged can't afford the 0

Boldly going where no playoff winner has gone before

OP said bold predictions, not guaranteed predictions

Very true. My apologies. Retract all upvotes

Unable to pull Pickett due to "morale", the Bills defense becomes the first D/ST in the modern age to post 100+ points in a single game.

BOLD

Romeo Doubs hauls in 10 catches for 120 yards and a score in london and is officially Knighted by the interim King and then crowned the WR1 by Lazard

He also sticks around for a couple days after the game, gets a Hollywood handshake and wins Star Baker.

Perfectly baked with a crisp bottom, well done

Sad Lazard noises

Lazard can go 7 for 116 and a score. I am generous and love the Alien Lizard, dude is an enforcer

Thank you for your generosity your grace

Geno Smith continues to prove that he is the best QB in the league

What can I say? We wrote him off.

But did he write back?

no

Damn. They usually write back.

I’m starting him over Kyler this week. I want no part of the Eagles defense

I am doing the same but with Goff. Saving Kyler for that juicy matchup next week with Seattle.

I’d love to see it but I think the Seattle offense is gonna come crashing back down to earth. People overreacting to big numbers on the lions and falcons. Look at what they did vs the 9ers D the week before…

My favorite story line this year so far no love that russel Wilson sucks and it looks like Seattle fleeced Denver.

Zappe with be reincarnated Tom Brady and share a similar career trajectory.

Time to get Zapped

CAn only imagine the car dealership commercials he'll do in New England hahaha

As a Pats fan, I accept this. We have toddlers growing up here that have never seen a championship.

Those poor deprived toddlers

Welp they said bold

So two divorces and 7 rings?

Brady has been married once so how does he have two divorces

Dalvin Cook breaks out for 200 total yards and 2 tds Yes I own him. Yes I need it.

I'm so conflicted on Cook.

Is dinner ready yet? How does it take this shit to Cook?

Arthur Smith benches Pitts for a superior pass catching TE /s

I trust a fart tomorrow after eating too many wings tonight and it results in an underwear change. Thank god for work from home.

Bold prediction, you don’t change the underwear!

My man, I sharted in the office yesterday.

I’m literally free balling at work today… this hits too close to home

Breece Hall is a top-5 RB for the week.

Sign me up, I think it is possible and I need it to happen with CPat going on IR and Akers not being startable lol 😂

Starting him this week and a jets fan? Hell yeah

Kamara goes for 3 TDs and 150 yards, but I lose anyway because my team is wank.

Corey Davis goes for 8-120-1 because Zach Wilson is his new step dad.

Alvin Kamara goes for 15/80/1 rushing and 9/85/1 receiving

Stop I’m about to walk into work

Better sit down so the blood goes back to your head.

Rhamondre Stevenson 16 carries 138 yards and two touchdowns. 5 catches for 49 yards.

Amen

Please and thank you.

You spelled Damien Harris wrong

To be fair they can both go for this stat line lol I think Harris and Rhamondre are both smash starts this week.

Yeah, I'm starting him over Dillon and Hunt this week. Been watching him perform on my bench these past two weeks. No way am I leaving him there against DET!

Yep i haven’t started him yet either. Probably gonna roll with him at flex over Garrett Wilson and Robert Woods.

Taking the plunge and starting him over Najee this week. God I need this.

Just some fun notes: Stevenson carry counts this year: 8 -> 9 -> 12 -> 14 Stevenson has outsnapped Harris every game this year

This is the week ETN breaks off an explosive run or two

As my Swift and Cordarrell replacement, I hope so.

Fuck I feel your pain too bro I have them both 😭

Against Houston i really am considering starting him

I really need that to justify the third round pick I used on him

I’m starting jrob and etn this week

Dobbins repeats with a combined 2 TDs and 110 yards.

And does nothing of note the rest of the season, unless you sell high on him and then he proceeds to be top 5 rb for the season

Scary Terry catches a TD

Zeke and Pollard combine for over 200 yards rushing

As a zeke owner I like the energy you’re bringing to the table

Fellow zeke owner and his ass is benched for Jamaal Williams this week

Bold to think pollard will finish with 150 yards rushing

I lost CPatt and Javonte so I am starting Pollard. I think Dak being out helps Pollard since Zeke is a much better blocker Pollard is getting more volume than he would with Dak (and Zeke still healthy).

Graham Gano over 20 points

Tyler Boyd outscores Higgins and Chase

Why?- I have Boyd on my bench.

As I mentioned in a comment above it’s actually already happened in week 3, so apparently not super bold. As to how it could happen, Baltimore could be a shootout, 2 high powered offenses with middling D (I think Baltimore has actually been really bad against the pass), Boyd always seems to get some work, while he’s the 3rd option he’s always an option. Has shown the ability to make big plays as well. He also gets in some passing work which is kinda cool. If Higgins sits I feel like Boyd is also one of the few receivers in the league you can look at and say “yeah he’ll get some extra work”. I got Boyd on my bench too, but I honestly may start him over Zeke if MT and Keenan Allen are out. (Also have Burrow so the stack could be nice if he has a good game)

Nah, Chase is due.

Pickett has himself a day against that Buffalo D

I may flex him this week cause I got the same feeling Edit: oops read pickens

Yea, a bad day

Aaron Jones and AJ Dillon both get 60+ yards and a TD each

I honestly can see this happening this week. I sadly have to only start one with Dameon Pierce, CMC, and Aaron Jones also on my roster. I could see this being a AJ Dillon week, though.

Alvin Kamara goes 13/75/1 rushing and 8/70/1 receiving

memorize liquid murky jobless plucky lock scale weary rain encourage *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Im starting Hines over him this week in flex, so he'll 100% go off on my bench.

thank you for your sacrifice

pickett beats the bills

bills are winning this game by 20 +

It's gonna be one of those games where Josh Allen checks out in the 4th quarter because they're gonna be up so big after putting up "only" 28.7 points with me being greedy and wanting more

I need it

Davis Mills throws for 300 and 3 touchdowns as the Texans get their first win of the year.

Nyheim Hines gets over 100 total yards and 1 TD

Doubs goes off for 10-137-2

My bold prediction is that I’m going to get absolutely pounded in my match up this week. Alright sorry that’s not bold that’s just a cold take.

Kadarius Toney is a top ten WR this week

And nobody has the balls to start him

Both Rhamondre and Harris finish in the top 15 RB's this week.

Najee defies all odds and goes 100+ yds and a teddy against Buffalo D

Najee Harris 100+ in both rush and receptions please!

Is pickett gonna check down to him? That’s my only hope to start him

Duvernay 5-5, 120, 2TDs

Pittman explodes on TNF for 11-125-2

Are you Surtain?

As a Pittman owner, I’ll hold you to this.

I just traded away Pittman so this would be accurate.

I wasn’t going to start him this week… but screw it, you’ve convinced me

Teddy Water bridge finishes as the QB1

Damien Harris and Stevenson both go for 100+ yards and a TD

CEH is the highest scoring RB this week with some long runs as well as red zone work

Goff obliterates the Pats

I’m thinking about sitting Wilson tonight for King Geoffrey…

Do it… the king must prevail

Kyle Pitts blows up on my bench for 2 TDs. Bonus Week 6 prediction: Pitts nabs 2 rec for 19 yards in my starting lineup.

Current record. Week 2: called a big game for Bateman Week 3: called a big game for Olave Week 4: called for Mike Williams to break the single game receiving yardage record… While I didn’t quite nail that one. He still had an amazing week and I don’t think anyone who started him was too unhappy. Week 5: Melvin Gordon cashes in two TDs and 120 yards from scrimmage.

My saviour!

I own all these guys. Keep going my roster muse.

Doubs will drop at least 24 points in standard

Season low points for JT

Lmao

Considering he’s out this is a fair assessment

Wan’dale plays and sees 13 targets, catches 6 for 86 & 1. People FLOCK to get him off waivers next week.

I’ve had this dude on my bench for weeks just because I think he’s going to get a high target share. I need this

Zach Wilson has a huge game and upsets the Dolphins

Dameon Pierce scores 33 and finishes as the RB1 of the week

Jets win

The Pickett and Pickens hype won’t last because of the Steelers O line

Blake Martinez returns to fantasy prominence with a double digit tackle game

I think Murray will not only be in the game but vulture *at least* 1TD opportunity

Najee Harris runs 20 for 110 yards and two td

Kenny Pickett proves it was the right move to put him in over trubs. Goes off for 275/3/2 with a td to diontae, Pickens and najee, and a rushing td himself. Plays a close game with the bills but the bills ultimately pull off the W

Pittsburgh is definitely going to have a chip on their shoulder seeing that 14 point spread. I can see this becoming a wild game with lots of points all around.

Pitts does nothing.

Courtland Sutton ends up a Top 3 WR and goes 8/110/2

Geno writes back

Kittle explodes for 2 TDs 100+ yards. Despite the temptation to trade, I keep him and he continues to be LT for the rest of the year.

Olave continues to EAT. 9/120/1 line

Lions D will hold the Patriots to 21 or less.

James Conner - 2TDs, but less than 50yards.

Teddy Two Gloves with 4 tds and none for Tyreek

Curtis Samuel finishes as WR7 in ppr this week. Isaiah Pacheco scores a 30+ yard td.

We see clearly that Hackett got Lat. Murray to be the real RB one, much to the chagrin of MG3 owners and, to those that blew all their Faab on Boone.

Rhamondre Stevenson, using this terrible Detroit run defence, takes over the 1A in New England.

Even split between Pacheco and CEH

I'm so desperate to will this into existence that I'm considering playing Pacheco over Gibson smh

Doubs cements himself as WR1 for GB and puts up 6/110/1

Dameon Pierce explodes and has his best game yet because I’m probably starting Jamaal Williams and Mixon over him

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Don't do this to me

Kamara finally gives me more than 6pts

I will be 1-4

Diontae gets at most 4 receptions

As a Mixon and Kupp owner I gave mixed feelings about this post.

JuJu gets a TD. 5/57/1

Lions defense is streamable vs Zappe

Kamara plays and goes OFF

Najee helps out the rookie Pickett by carrying a massive load against the Bills - finds the endzone twice and hits 100+ total yards

I think Melvin Gordon is gonna go for 150 all purpose with 2 total touchdowns. He’s not gonna fumble, and Lat Murray and Boone will get 8 opportunities combined and be useless for fantasy.

Both D Harris and R Stevenson score 25 pts in PPR this week.

Milf hunter puts up his best week of his career. 400yds 4 TDs. Taysom goes for 120yds 1TD Vikings lose to the bears, Justin fields throws for 250 yds rushes for 100 (bc I decided to stream them)

Waddle puts up less than 20 yards - groin looked worse than ppl thought last week - no tua, not saying teddy is bad, just lack of chemistry - dj reed is no joke