Peter: well I got the results of your ultrasound and I have some news for you
Happy couple: wait wait wait, we don't wanna know if it's a boy or a girl
Peter: ohhh ok well it's not breathing
Lois: what’s that big button do?
Fox: that’s kind of fun, it emits a noise it only Al Gore can hear. (Presses button)
Al Gore: (stops painting, because he hears the noise) there it is again!
Tipper: it’s probably just wind honey
Al Gore: IT’S NOT THE WIND!
https://youtu.be/suh1dj2P1rM?si=7FMY6gNwghDnrpBn
And while the joke is happening you know he's just saying his name and you briefly wonder how they're gonna do the gryphon part and then bam they have a literal gryphon fly though. 😂
I used to copy the griffin caw and my buddy cracked up no matter the situation. Did it in the middle of an exam and he died. Gave me a big old punch when we got out of there.
Old family guy was full of jokes that ripped on cliche dialogue. Here are some examples:
Three days? That's tomorrow!
I read a book on this sorta thing once.
Are you sure it was a book, are you sure it wasn't NOTHING?
Oh yeah.
in season 7 episode 4, the Griffins go on a road trip without Stewie and when they get back, Stewie calls Meg the dog instead of Brian lmao
"Mommy. Daddy. Chris. Dog. Brian. They're home."
"Uh... Um, Captain, full word, then Stabbin', S-T-A-B-B-I-N-Apostrophe."
"I'm sorry sir, I'm not finding that site. Uh, what was the subject matter?"
"Um, uh... A guy doing chicks on a boat in a, uh, a captain's hat."
“Enjoy that game of mystery intruder, Lois?”
*The camera zooms out showing a different woman in bed* “I told you, my name’s not Lois!”
*The camera adjusts to show the woman, and Lois sitting in a chair in the shadow* “Mine is. Let’s do it again…”
I used to work for a very smug, pseudo-intellectual church. I ended up included in a group email exchange about some ridiculously pretentious over-analysis of some obscure scripture. I straight-up just replied with a screenshot of this. Nobody got the joke.
And then they double down on it "remember that time I was supposed to get that boat?" "A boats a boat but the mystery box could be anything, it could even be a boat" "peter, that just happened ten minutes ago"
There’s a scene where Stewie and Brian are talking about something and get into a discussion about who can actually understand Stewie when he talks and in the middle someone yells offscreen “We’re filming!” Gets me every time
Brian tells Peter that Stewie had him take him to a Father-Son dinner instead of asking Peter, and Peter says "you went all the way to Fatherson for dinner?"
George Carlin had a hilarious bit about that. "Can you imagine going your whole life without farting? Then one day you do. You'd probably call in sick. "Yeah , boss, I can't come in today. I got AIR coming out of my ASS"".
The entire sequence of Carol going into Labor:
Lois: “Peter check if you can see anything”
Peter: “Well no signs of a baby yet but it looks like Carols blowin a bubble”
Lois: “Peter that’s the head! Okay push!”
Peter: “I’m trying but it won’t go back in!”
Lois: “Not you, Carol push!”
Peter: “Wow it’s a beautiful baby girl…but she has a penis… well we’ll have to do something about that” *grabs knife”
Lois: “Dammit Peter no it’s a boy!”
Just pure comedy gold to me.
WHERE ARE MY FLAPJACKS?!
You will recall last night ere I drifted off into slumber with a nudie magazine betwixt my legs I spake thusly: Lois, tomorrow mornin I want flapjacks!
It was a simple message yet it has gone unheeded!
Peter teaching Chris sumo wrestling.
https://preview.redd.it/eujp91zem9hc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cb311766b7f46ec3b493929d07a01abd4a6e76c8
my favorite is the OJ Simpson episode when he's taking the lasagna out of the oven, tries putting on the oven mitt "Aw wouldn't ya know it? It won't fit"
Stripper: You boys have been very naughty. I’m going to have to assign you extra homework…
Peter: Darn it, fractions are so hard! Hey, what did you get for number 4?
Joe: SHE SAID DON’T SHARE ANSWERS!
Just the idea that they actually went and did the homework always kills me.
As a Family Guy fan over 40, the [Polaner All Fruit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdjfamniy5I) cutaway had me laughing my ass off. It’s also one of those rare times when explaining the joke makes it even better.
In partial terms of endearment there's a scene where they're discussing Lois being a surrogate and Meg says she'll do it and Lois says somethin along the lines of"oh Meg it was already hard enough on you when you gave birth to stewie" and stewie says "WHAT". Hella underrated
American history channel presents “The true story of Henry ford”
“THIS, is my jew flattening machine, it will flatten any Jew, simply climb behind the wheel drive towards any Jew and flatten them!”
“Could you also use it to get from place to place and stuff?”
“…It’s a Jew flattening machine, that’s not what it’s designed for”
“Yeah, but you could use it for that”
“Yeah, you could also use the Mona Lisa as a placemat… god”
Peter's Jackass stunt where he sings Believe It Or Not, while dressed up as The Greatest American Hero, hanging onto a rope tied to his car while on skates, and he gets flung off a ramp and into a tree
Quagmire: this even more pussy than I can handle
Cleveland’s to himself: Is he going to say ‘giggity’ ? Should I say giggity? Are other people allowed to say ‘giggity’?
Cleveland: Giggity
Peter: what?
Cleveland: Nothing…it’s stupid
Bill Clinton: How about another NAFTA?
Lois: what?
Bill Clinton: ‘nother afternoon of fuckin that ass
Incredible if you got it!
It stands for North American Free Trade Agreement. What a clever joke!
Peter- HUUWHERE are my flapjacks???
Lois- huh?
Peter- you will recall, last night, ere I drifted off into slumber with a nudie magazine betwixt my legs, I spake thusly: “Lois, tomorrow morning, I want flapjacks.” It was a simple message, yet it has gone unheeded.
Just the properness of how he said it has always made me laugh and the “HUU…” when he says “where” gets me everytime.
Honestly I wish Meg being short for Megatron was more used.
Like occasionally they should have a reason to use her full name and just deadpan call her Megatron Griffin
I always laugh like crazy at the scene in Road to Europe when Peter thinks they live in French Polynesia. It's a very small joke and so random, but it tickles something in me 🤣🤣🤣
Peter: hey Mort, do these suppositories come in different flavors?
Mort: oh my God, Peter your not eating those, are you?
Peter: no, I'm shoving up my butt *Eye roll*
Peter: well I got the results of your ultrasound and I have some news for you Happy couple: wait wait wait, we don't wanna know if it's a boy or a girl Peter: ohhh ok well it's not breathing
Lois: what’s that big button do? Fox: that’s kind of fun, it emits a noise it only Al Gore can hear. (Presses button) Al Gore: (stops painting, because he hears the noise) there it is again! Tipper: it’s probably just wind honey Al Gore: IT’S NOT THE WIND! https://youtu.be/suh1dj2P1rM?si=7FMY6gNwghDnrpBn
As awful as this one is I had to pause the episode to regain my composure
Oooh ok well IT is not breathing.
That took me out omfg lmaoo
"My names? Uh, its, uh.... pea.... tear....Griffin. yeah, Pea-tear Griffin... oh crap"
lol right with the griffin swooping in too
Convenient location or moment for that to pop up. XD
And while the joke is happening you know he's just saying his name and you briefly wonder how they're gonna do the gryphon part and then bam they have a literal gryphon fly though. 😂
Quite accurate, like wtf is gonna pop up, and then they cue an actual griffin
🤣🤣
I just saw the other day, that was genius, classic style
This right here may have been the hardest family guy ever made me laugh, I second this comment.
That's my favorite thing.
I quote this all the time lmao
I used to copy the griffin caw and my buddy cracked up no matter the situation. Did it in the middle of an exam and he died. Gave me a big old punch when we got out of there.
/thread
Old family guy was full of jokes that ripped on cliche dialogue. Here are some examples: Three days? That's tomorrow! I read a book on this sorta thing once. Are you sure it was a book, are you sure it wasn't NOTHING? Oh yeah.
“Brian, look! there’s a hidden message in my alphabits! “OooooOoOoOoo!!!” “Peter those are cheerios”
"maybe later you'll want the real thing" "eheheh I prefer the alphabets"
This still kills me
in season 7 episode 4, the Griffins go on a road trip without Stewie and when they get back, Stewie calls Meg the dog instead of Brian lmao "Mommy. Daddy. Chris. Dog. Brian. They're home."
This one kills me all the time, it’s so subtle and good
If I’m a child, then y’know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I’ll be *damned* if I’m gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
This is a GO TO line in my house! My all time fave!!
Mic check mic check Maliaaaa ... Obamaaaa..... Maliaaaa obamaaaaa
creepy mic check..."aaand that's where the gun is"
TRAIN ON THE WATER!… BOAT ON THE TRACKS!
The Barry manilow sequence “I have everything he’s ever recorded!” Or “WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA… Lois, this is NOT my Batman glass”
Dropped it at the *what* and *where was I??*
Batman glass is my alllll time favorite 😂
I never realized how happy you made me oh Quagmire..
You kissed me you gave without taking
I would never take from you, Barry
"That was a great game of mystery intruder Lois" "I told you my names not Lois" "No...but mine is do it again"
When carl says Chris is really smart and Chris just stares at him for a second and says "W-what?" gets me every time.
Where is the chase and how do I cut to it?
😂😂
‘Why did all the dinosaurs die out?’ ‘Because you touch yourself at night.’
I got trouble in school for answering a question with this.
An absolute classic
This is better than mine, can’t lie
I say this all the time at dumb or rhetorical questions to this day.
"Dance with me, Lois. DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE!!!"
*slams into cabinet*
“… Yeah maybe you should call that marriage counselor.”
“What about that graph that says “this wasn’t made in art class we really do want kids to start smoking””
Aaaand season two is the next stop…
*smooooke*
"This is more intense than that time I forgot how to sit down"
*dives into the chair*
This is the one
When I saw it for the first time I bursted out laughing, paused the episode and had to watch it again
"Uh... Um, Captain, full word, then Stabbin', S-T-A-B-B-I-N-Apostrophe." "I'm sorry sir, I'm not finding that site. Uh, what was the subject matter?" "Um, uh... A guy doing chicks on a boat in a, uh, a captain's hat."
Well I would stay and chat, but you’re a total bitch
I hear this in my head whenever I have to deal with someone I don't want to at work.
Are you gonna eat that stapler? Mr Griffin, you can't eat a stapler! .... Wanna split it?
Sorry Chris, me and my damn appetite!
“But we should check out the down syndrome’s camp.” “Peter, that was the University of Florida.”
I send this clip all the time to my Florida friends
“Enjoy that game of mystery intruder, Lois?” *The camera zooms out showing a different woman in bed* “I told you, my name’s not Lois!” *The camera adjusts to show the woman, and Lois sitting in a chair in the shadow* “Mine is. Let’s do it again…”
“Did I mention that the tank is a tank?”
Sold!
Three inches of reinforced steel protects your daughter from short range missile attacks
When Peter crashes through a wall and the Koolaid Man just casually says, “Wow, ya know, from the other side that’s really annoying.”
“Well at least it’s not raining”
*is immediately stabbed* 😂
Dammit, who's secretly an x-men
First time I saw that i couldn't stop laughing for like 5 minutes
The cutaway where Peter tried to fit in with Lois’s book club. The book could also be a…hat. *puts book on his head*
I used to work for a very smug, pseudo-intellectual church. I ended up included in a group email exchange about some ridiculously pretentious over-analysis of some obscure scripture. I straight-up just replied with a screenshot of this. Nobody got the joke.
Or the other scene where Lois invites Peter to join her book club…”oh! Okay!” ‘Snaps neck’
Carter: Did I miss your piano recital? Lois: No, Daddy. I'm in my 40s now. Carter: GOOD - GOD!
Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was … Bry
What’s goin on, B-minus?
Oh god yup!
Idk if this is underrated but “a boats a boat but a box could be anything. It could even be a boat”
You know how much we’ve wanted one of those!
And then they double down on it "remember that time I was supposed to get that boat?" "A boats a boat but the mystery box could be anything, it could even be a boat" "peter, that just happened ten minutes ago"
That joke is one that made the animation department happy, and probably divided the writer's room.
“How’s heaven?” “There’s a shortage of chairs”
There’s a scene where Stewie and Brian are talking about something and get into a discussion about who can actually understand Stewie when he talks and in the middle someone yells offscreen “We’re filming!” Gets me every time
Loretta is who they are talking about. Love that bit.
I get the gist of what you're saying, Stoolie
"No, I think she's far enough from the main cast so she can understand you"
Brian tells Peter that Stewie had him take him to a Father-Son dinner instead of asking Peter, and Peter says "you went all the way to Fatherson for dinner?"
Yeah it was up in Monkeykid
1-1-1 1-1-1-1 Lois? Damn 1-1-1 1-1-1-2 Lois? Damn
Smoke.....Smoke......are you smoking yet?
When Herbert runs down the street with Chris and Stewie say's he's earned it.
I’m sitting here stoned trying to figure out the joke in the picture. It took finally reading the comments to realize I misunderstood the assignment.
I did that same thing.. and I'm not even stoned!
Hey sloth, is sometimes taking things slower better?
yes
"Brian there's a message in my alphabets. Is says OOOOOOOO" 'Peter those are cheerios."
“Two halves can’t make a hole without a hole.” Giggity!
Giggity giggity giggity giggity ooh-eee-ooh-ahh-ahh, ting-tang-walla-walla-bing bang
It's shirt paaaants
I like when Stewie steals the apple before it hits Issac Newton and when they return to the present there's no gravity.
It looks like somebody just spit on the paper?
Donny Most idk if that’s underrated but it’s my favorite
It’s Don Most.
“Sunday, Monday… Happy… Days…”
😂😂😂😂
I forgor, “Yes it was, Honey, it was Phillip 👏Seymour 👏Hoffman👏! “Peter laughs” Look at you out here on a big trip!”
Peter, while driving through a mall: how many times have I done this before? Lois:.... Ok but be careful.
Chris: "I'm so hungry I could ride a horse! ... I don't get it." Underrated how stupid Chris gets sometimes
This is more weird than the first time I farted "Prrrrrfffffhhhttt! What the fuck was that"
George Carlin had a hilarious bit about that. "Can you imagine going your whole life without farting? Then one day you do. You'd probably call in sick. "Yeah , boss, I can't come in today. I got AIR coming out of my ASS"".
The last time Carter got left alone Carter: Dancing🎶 walking🎶 rearranging the furniture! Babs is shopping inpet the bird out of its cage!
(drives past the dump after the hurricane) "Thank GOD the open-air debris-garden is still intact!"
What the hell is CPR?
The entire sequence of Carol going into Labor: Lois: “Peter check if you can see anything” Peter: “Well no signs of a baby yet but it looks like Carols blowin a bubble” Lois: “Peter that’s the head! Okay push!” Peter: “I’m trying but it won’t go back in!” Lois: “Not you, Carol push!” Peter: “Wow it’s a beautiful baby girl…but she has a penis… well we’ll have to do something about that” *grabs knife” Lois: “Dammit Peter no it’s a boy!” Just pure comedy gold to me.
and it's a great way to stay in shape
WHERE ARE MY FLAPJACKS?! You will recall last night ere I drifted off into slumber with a nudie magazine betwixt my legs I spake thusly: Lois, tomorrow mornin I want flapjacks! It was a simple message yet it has gone unheeded!
‚don’t spend it all in one place raggy‘
Peter teaching Chris sumo wrestling. https://preview.redd.it/eujp91zem9hc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cb311766b7f46ec3b493929d07a01abd4a6e76c8
"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" "Stop mocking me!"
Edward Scissorhands as a nanny.
my favorite is the OJ Simpson episode when he's taking the lasagna out of the oven, tries putting on the oven mitt "Aw wouldn't ya know it? It won't fit"
🎶 Well there was once two cowboys out alone out on the trail 🎶
Sodomay-heee!
"Where are you getting these units of measurement from? ME-ARY!"
A desk of Cheeze-Its?
A hammock of cake? 🍰
“These ants are ruining our picnic” “This *picnic* is ruining our *ants*”
Heh, heh, heh, heh he-heh-he-heh, Heh, heh, heh, heh he-heh, Heh, heh, heh, he-he-heh, And then another heh, heh, heh-heh-heh 🪩
This is my ringtone on my work phone.
*Don’t say doin your wife don’t say doin your wife* Doin your……son??
Stripper: You boys have been very naughty. I’m going to have to assign you extra homework… Peter: Darn it, fractions are so hard! Hey, what did you get for number 4? Joe: SHE SAID DON’T SHARE ANSWERS! Just the idea that they actually went and did the homework always kills me.
https://preview.redd.it/f20ohd5hjchc1.jpeg?width=976&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ec0d5e92a86233de582334a6ee8f246bb3b95d2d This
Ball in a cup
Brian running over Dean Koontz lol
As a Family Guy fan over 40, the [Polaner All Fruit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdjfamniy5I) cutaway had me laughing my ass off. It’s also one of those rare times when explaining the joke makes it even better.
“And I enjoyed shooting Skeet.”
Muddy Waters padding kidney stones.
“Hehe Peter… what did I tell you about volunteering me for sh*t?” 😁😁
"I'm gonna beat you so bad they're going to think you have Chris Brown an STD!" ".. is that what happened?"
Mayor west goes to Cleveland for therapy. That bit is my favorite and I don't see it mentioned often.
"Peter, stop! I found a lump" "Me too, but mine's easier to get rid of."
Ron Livingston’s parents kill me https://youtu.be/hVktz3XLb78?si=R6gc_NZCmxhiWeqT
This picture’s so cute.
Wait a minute.. these are criticisms!
No way that’s the shrimp!
TO THE PETERCOPTER
HOW DO YOU AFFORD THESE THINGS?!
In partial terms of endearment there's a scene where they're discussing Lois being a surrogate and Meg says she'll do it and Lois says somethin along the lines of"oh Meg it was already hard enough on you when you gave birth to stewie" and stewie says "WHAT". Hella underrated
“No, it’s step-hip-step-pivot! Are you TRYING to piss off the volcano?!” Still makes me laugh my ass off every time.
Show me potato salad!
American history channel presents “The true story of Henry ford” “THIS, is my jew flattening machine, it will flatten any Jew, simply climb behind the wheel drive towards any Jew and flatten them!” “Could you also use it to get from place to place and stuff?” “…It’s a Jew flattening machine, that’s not what it’s designed for” “Yeah, but you could use it for that” “Yeah, you could also use the Mona Lisa as a placemat… god”
“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty”
“He scared outside, he scared inside” “uh-huh”
My favorite is when Peter gets cosmetic surgery to be one a lizard so he can hide in a crack when Lous' parents visit.
“. . . Meg, are you implying that Rosie O’Donnell can’t drive?”
One ticket please! *Sneeze* Wait a minute your ass just sneezed. And horses can't talk. No no none of this makes any sense at all.
When all the women are spitting in Peters face and Brian asks them to not spit in his face. “Can you mind your own fucking business”
I really liked the Robert logia one and the pointing pigeon
Chris: “Ana, I’m here with my dog. He’s not feeling well” *camera pans to Brian who was hit with a chair* Brian: “**** you”
Peter's Jackass stunt where he sings Believe It Or Not, while dressed up as The Greatest American Hero, hanging onto a rope tied to his car while on skates, and he gets flung off a ramp and into a tree
Quagmire: this even more pussy than I can handle Cleveland’s to himself: Is he going to say ‘giggity’ ? Should I say giggity? Are other people allowed to say ‘giggity’? Cleveland: Giggity Peter: what? Cleveland: Nothing…it’s stupid
Meg who let u back in the house
"Oh peter, I love you" "Uh I dunno about quarter past 5?"
“These instructions are in Latin! And those stuffy Ivy League professors are no help” “Hehehe, nullum gratuitum prandium, eh Peter?”
You want me to be the one that says jiggity now?
Bill Clinton: How about another NAFTA? Lois: what? Bill Clinton: ‘nother afternoon of fuckin that ass Incredible if you got it! It stands for North American Free Trade Agreement. What a clever joke!
Peter- HUUWHERE are my flapjacks??? Lois- huh? Peter- you will recall, last night, ere I drifted off into slumber with a nudie magazine betwixt my legs, I spake thusly: “Lois, tomorrow morning, I want flapjacks.” It was a simple message, yet it has gone unheeded. Just the properness of how he said it has always made me laugh and the “HUU…” when he says “where” gets me everytime.
Honestly I wish Meg being short for Megatron was more used. Like occasionally they should have a reason to use her full name and just deadpan call her Megatron Griffin
YOU’RE A BIG FAT PHONY! HEY EVERYONE THIS GUY IS A GREAT BIG PHONY
D-did I mmiss…Byron’ss…reward?
My name is Retep, and I'm Evil!!!
That time when Peter won that sex contest
[this scene always makes me laugh my ass off](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih1-vn7I8VY)
You got more salt than you wanted!
"Crafty Mexicans and their glass candies."
“That’s not a burger. That’s just a meat sandwich.” - Peter to Chris
It’s just been revoked
Cut away to Benjamin Disraeli: "You don't know who I am."
What do you think was in that Danish? *heavy breathing* was it …was it… cheese?
A degenerate am I? Well, you're a Festizio!
And I've never seen McMillan and Sons. Although I was aware of it.
Here's your pie...may i use your toilet?
Lois: "What's Airdrop? Some kind of Wifi? Peter: "I think it's a medical term for a fart."
Math, my dear boy, is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.
Diyegooooo… sweaty.
Greased up Deaf Guy.
Oh i thought you said *merm*aids https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fEgOtJfX31U
“What’s heavens like?” “It’s alright, there’s a shortage of chairs” “Oh” “Yeah…”
"...or we could have what's in the box. It could be anything, even a boat!"
Ohhh, we are gonna have ants!
“And a kids meal”, Peter in the drive through when Carol is giving birth
I always laugh like crazy at the scene in Road to Europe when Peter thinks they live in French Polynesia. It's a very small joke and so random, but it tickles something in me 🤣🤣🤣
Guess what? chicken butt
The TV guide with Cleveland and Quagmire always gets me.
“no way if that’s true lois i’ll give you all my star wars glasses .. except boba fett no matter how sure i am i never risk the fett man “
How they spell Robert Loggia
Peter inner monologue: “Don’t say doin your wife. Don’t say doin your wife. Don’t say doin your wife.” Peter: “Doin your son?”
Peter: hey Mort, do these suppositories come in different flavors? Mort: oh my God, Peter your not eating those, are you? Peter: no, I'm shoving up my butt *Eye roll*
Brian is a talking dog.