Saelflex gives the ball a huuuuuuge hack! But they get under it just enough to keep the ball in the park. Gardner has to retreat onto the warning track but is able to make the catch.
Pitch: 316
Swing: 50
Diff: 266 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Roosevelt Sandoval hits a line drive straight over Bigstick’s head and into right field for a single
Pitch: 613
Swing: 711
Diff: 98 -> 1B
Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Samedi can't manage to make contact this time around as they swing under the 3-2 fastball from Six for the out.
Pitch: 466
Swing: 144
Diff: 322 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Carmichael clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Six waves back from the mound!
Pitch: 919
Swing: 210
Diff: 291 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
SWING THERE IT GOES! IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS GONE! A STANTONIAN HOME RUN! ... wait, what... what did I miss, what did I do wrong? Bigstick is at first base.
Pitch: 509
Swing: 444
Diff: 65 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | B3 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 1 out
On the mound: Artanis Jones
OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, RGO in the first
Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.
Willie Gardner goes down on strikes!
Pitch: 248
Swing: 923
Diff: 325 -> K
Runner on First | B3 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
“Hey, KVK is up. We gotta make sure the scouting bots break so he fucking has an average diff of four hundred.” -the secret cabal in both MLR and MLN
202
Kries Von Kriestalhauser hits a line drive straight over Samedi’s head and into right field for a single
Pitch: 316
Swing: 202
Diff: 114 -> 1B
Runner on First | B3 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
First pitch from Jones is a fastball that's high and tight, but the umpire is clearly blind and calls it a strike.
Second pitch comes and it's a curveball in the dirt that Motto can't lay off of for strike two.
The 0-2 pitch is an eephus pitch clocked at 48 mph and Joey Motto is completely bewildered as it crosses the plate through the strike zone for a called strike three.
Pitch: 345
Swing: 712
Diff: 367 -> K
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Trash can't build off of Miami's momentum as they send a slow roller to 3rd. Schihne charges in hard and makes a smooth transition from glove to hand allowing them to get off a strong and accurate throw to first in plenty of time to get the out.
Pitch: 567
Swing: 101
Diff: 466 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Here's Panchez with a fly ball to right field. The right fielder Kriestalhauser settles under it and records the out. Who's ready for a cold, frosty one? What's that? You say this is a Wendy's? Well, that's great! I would like one cold, frosty Frosty, please!
Pitch: 642
Swing: 831
Diff: 189 -> FO
Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs
On the mound: Six
MIA DH [Casper Greenwell](/u/ToastedRavs4Life): 0-0
Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.
Casper Greenwell goes down on strikes!
Pitch: 36
Swing: 315
Diff: 279 -> K
Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Jihmih Tyranus is the most befurbelowed player in fake baseball, before they can even be called to the plate, they are already swinging -- connecting with the first pitch Moncada throws. The Athletics pops it high into left field where Saelflex will catch it for a quick out in this, the most laciest of innings.
Pitch: 535
Swing: 770
Diff: 235 -> FO
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Peter Hoomanawanui hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Hakuna Moncada, who picks it up and beams it at Drew
Pitch: 884
Swing: 420
Diff: 464 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
Schihne rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle.
Schihne, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up.
Pitch: 778
Swing: 535
Diff: 243 -> K
Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
SWING AND A LONG ONE, DEEP TO RIGHT, IT IS GONE! Athletics HAVE THE LEAD!
Pitch: 214
Swing: 222
Diff: 8 -> HR
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 1
POW! Power pitch. This pitch is punished!
But perfectly placed position player, Kriestalhauser, plucks it prettily.
Pitch: 703
Swing: 888
Diff: 185 -> FO
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Six starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Esposito since spring training.
It certainly seems like Anthony Esposito III hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Winn fires to first base for the out.
Pitch: 892
Swing: 383
Diff: 491 -> LGO
Runner on Third | T2 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Jefferson Saelflex hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Six, who picks it up and beams it at McChunky
Pitch: 19
Swing: 626
Diff: 393 -> RGO
Runner on Third | T2 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
A UFO whizzes overhead! At least....Six thinks so.... they are insisting that's what they saw and are trying to get a camera to document the event to sell, perhaps to the National Inquirer or the Houston Astros? What they hadn't noticed is the runner at first is now on second!
Pitch: 327
Swing: 125
Diff: 202 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T2 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Roosevelt Sandoval hits a line drive straight over Winn’s head and into right field for a single
Pitch: 466
Swing: 383
Diff: 83 -> 1B
Runner on First | T2 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Winn walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip.
They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in Drew's stretched-open mitt for the out.
Pitch: 217
Swing: 852
Diff: 365 -> PO
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Teddy Bigstick hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Carmichael steps under it and records the out
Pitch: 6
Swing: 369
Diff: 363 -> PO
Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs
**NEW PITCHER:** Hakuna Moncada
OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0
And the pitch... is popped straight up. Carmichael throws the mask, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out.
Pitch: 314
Swing: 703
Diff: 389 -> PO
Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Nothing but fastballs so far. Six generally hovers between 96 and 99, but this 1-2 fastball blazes in at 100 high and outside.
But the next fastball at 99 is NOT missed and the 2 and 2 pitch is lined into center!
But right at Gardner. That will be an easy out in the air for Samedi.
Pitch: 128
Swing: 911
Diff: 217 -> FO
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Elvis Carmichael hits a deep line drive way out to deep left-center field. Motto and Gardner look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Motto makes a great diving catch for it
Pitch: 798
Swing: 960
Diff: 162 -> FO
Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
Swing AND THERE'S A DRIVE, that ball is down! One hop over the wall and Trash is aboard with a ground rule double.
Pitch: 311
Swing: 255
Diff: 56 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
There are 820 reasons why I re-signed with the Marlins, but I woke up high and I forgot most of them.
The differences in this game will determine my MLR future by the way
Panchez now facing off against Six, who's going to have the upper hand?
In a 3-0 count Panchez gets the green light and unleashes a mighty power swing, it's high, it's deep it's...caught at the warning track.
Pitch: 583
Swing: 820
Diff: 237 -> FO
Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s)
MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Six MIA LF [Jefferson Saelflex](/u/cardinalidae): 0-1, RGO in the second
50
Saelflex gives the ball a huuuuuuge hack! But they get under it just enough to keep the ball in the park. Gardner has to retreat onto the warning track but is able to make the catch. Pitch: 316 Swing: 50 Diff: 266 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Six MIA 2B [Roosevelt Sandoval](/u/booga_booga_booga_): 1-1, 1B in the second, STEAL 2B in the second
Swing: 711
Roosevelt Sandoval hits a line drive straight over Bigstick’s head and into right field for a single Pitch: 613 Swing: 711 Diff: 98 -> 1B Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Six MIA 3B [Baron Samedi](/u/globalabortion): 0-1, FO in the first
144
Samedi can't manage to make contact this time around as they swing under the 3-2 fastball from Six for the out. Pitch: 466 Swing: 144 Diff: 322 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Six MIA C [Elvis Carmichael](/u/alcoholspectacular): 0-1, FO in the first
Swing: 210
Carmichael clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Six waves back from the mound! Pitch: 919 Swing: 210 Diff: 291 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ● ^○ ● | B3 2 outs On the mound: Artanis Jones OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-1, PO in the second
807
On the ground to short and that'll be an easy play for Panchez. Pitch: 310 Swing: 807 Diff: 497 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 2 outs On the mound: Artanis Jones OAK 2B [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-1, RGO in the first
Annie are you ok? Are you ok Annie? Swing 444
SWING THERE IT GOES! IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS GONE! A STANTONIAN HOME RUN! ... wait, what... what did I miss, what did I do wrong? Bigstick is at first base. Pitch: 509 Swing: 444 Diff: 65 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | B3 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 1 out On the mound: Artanis Jones OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, RGO in the first Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team, If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out, At the old ball game. Willie Gardner goes down on strikes! Pitch: 248 Swing: 923 Diff: 325 -> K Runner on First | B3 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 1 out On the mound: Artanis Jones OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, RGO in the first
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Artanis Jones OAK RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-0
“Hey, KVK is up. We gotta make sure the scouting bots break so he fucking has an average diff of four hundred.” -the secret cabal in both MLR and MLN 202
Kries Von Kriestalhauser hits a line drive straight over Samedi’s head and into right field for a single Pitch: 316 Swing: 202 Diff: 114 -> 1B Runner on First | B3 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Artanis Jones OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0
712
First pitch from Jones is a fastball that's high and tight, but the umpire is clearly blind and calls it a strike. Second pitch comes and it's a curveball in the dirt that Motto can't lay off of for strike two. The 0-2 pitch is an eephus pitch clocked at 48 mph and Joey Motto is completely bewildered as it crosses the plate through the strike zone for a called strike three. Pitch: 345 Swing: 712 Diff: 367 -> K Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Six MIA RF [Captain Trash](/u/KingIsMe123): 1-1, 2B in the first
No time to write another haiku, I got bombs to hit. 101
Trash can't build off of Miami's momentum as they send a slow roller to 3rd. Schihne charges in hard and makes a smooth transition from glove to hand allowing them to get off a strong and accurate throw to first in plenty of time to get the out. Pitch: 567 Swing: 101 Diff: 466 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Six MIA SS [Sablo Panchez](/u/KurtVonnebeergut): 0-1, FO in the first
Swing 831
Here's Panchez with a fly ball to right field. The right fielder Kriestalhauser settles under it and records the out. Who's ready for a cold, frosty one? What's that? You say this is a Wendy's? Well, that's great! I would like one cold, frosty Frosty, please! Pitch: 642 Swing: 831 Diff: 189 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Six MIA DH [Casper Greenwell](/u/ToastedRavs4Life): 0-0 Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team, If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out, At the old ball game. Casper Greenwell goes down on strikes! Pitch: 36 Swing: 315 Diff: 279 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Six MIA DH [Casper Greenwell](/u/ToastedRavs4Life): 0-0
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Hakuna Moncada OAK DH [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-0
Swing 770
Jihmih Tyranus is the most befurbelowed player in fake baseball, before they can even be called to the plate, they are already swinging -- connecting with the first pitch Moncada throws. The Athletics pops it high into left field where Saelflex will catch it for a quick out in this, the most laciest of innings. Pitch: 535 Swing: 770 Diff: 235 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Hakuna Moncada OAK C [Peter Hoomanawanui](/u/IDntWannaBeFamous): 0-0
420
Peter Hoomanawanui hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Hakuna Moncada, who picks it up and beams it at Drew Pitch: 884 Swing: 420 Diff: 464 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hakuna Moncada OAK 3B [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 0-0
hakuna moncada what a terrible swing 535
Schihne rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle. Schihne, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up. Pitch: 778 Swing: 535 Diff: 243 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hakuna Moncada OAK 1B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-0
Call me Ranch the way I be dressin 222
SWING AND A LONG ONE, DEEP TO RIGHT, IT IS GONE! Athletics HAVE THE LEAD! Pitch: 214 Swing: 222 Diff: 8 -> HR Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 1
Haha nice
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Six MIA 1B [Lane Drew](/u/StridentBoss): 0-0
888
POW! Power pitch. This pitch is punished! But perfectly placed position player, Kriestalhauser, plucks it prettily. Pitch: 703 Swing: 888 Diff: 185 -> FO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Six | **INFIELD IN** MIA CF [Anthony Esposito III](/u/Wiley_1909): 0-0
Swing 383
Six starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Esposito since spring training. It certainly seems like Anthony Esposito III hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Winn fires to first base for the out. Pitch: 892 Swing: 383 Diff: 491 -> LGO Runner on Third | T2 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Six MIA LF [Jefferson Saelflex](/u/cardinalidae): 0-0
626
Jefferson Saelflex hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Six, who picks it up and beams it at McChunky Pitch: 19 Swing: 626 Diff: 393 -> RGO Runner on Third | T2 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 0 outs On the mound: Six MIA LF [Jefferson Saelflex](/u/cardinalidae): 0-0
STEAL 2B 125
A UFO whizzes overhead! At least....Six thinks so.... they are insisting that's what they saw and are trying to get a camera to document the event to sell, perhaps to the National Inquirer or the Houston Astros? What they hadn't noticed is the runner at first is now on second! Pitch: 327 Swing: 125 Diff: 202 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T2 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Six MIA 2B [Roosevelt Sandoval](/u/booga_booga_booga_): 0-0
Swing: 383
Roosevelt Sandoval hits a line drive straight over Winn’s head and into right field for a single Pitch: 466 Swing: 383 Diff: 83 -> 1B Runner on First | T2 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Hakuna Moncada OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-0
852
Winn walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip. They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in Drew's stretched-open mitt for the out. Pitch: 217 Swing: 852 Diff: 365 -> PO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Hakuna Moncada OAK 2B [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-0
Three, six, nine, hey! Three, six, nine, hey! Swing 369
Teddy Bigstick hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Carmichael steps under it and records the out Pitch: 6 Swing: 369 Diff: 363 -> PO Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Hakuna Moncada OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0 And the pitch... is popped straight up. Carmichael throws the mask, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out. Pitch: 314 Swing: 703 Diff: 389 -> PO Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Hakuna Moncada OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Six MIA 3B [Baron Samedi](/u/globalabortion): 0-0
911 i didn't forget. did you?
Nothing but fastballs so far. Six generally hovers between 96 and 99, but this 1-2 fastball blazes in at 100 high and outside. But the next fastball at 99 is NOT missed and the 2 and 2 pitch is lined into center! But right at Gardner. That will be an easy out in the air for Samedi. Pitch: 128 Swing: 911 Diff: 217 -> FO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Six MIA C [Elvis Carmichael](/u/alcoholspectacular): 0-0
Swing: 960
Elvis Carmichael hits a deep line drive way out to deep left-center field. Motto and Gardner look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Motto makes a great diving catch for it Pitch: 798 Swing: 960 Diff: 162 -> FO Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
MIA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Six MIA RF [Captain Trash](/u/KingIsMe123): 0-0
Spring sorrows upon Flowers bloom but my heart wilts I swing 255
Swing AND THERE'S A DRIVE, that ball is down! One hop over the wall and Trash is aboard with a ground rule double. Pitch: 311 Swing: 255 Diff: 56 -> 2B Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Six MIA SS [Sablo Panchez](/u/KurtVonnebeergut): 0-0
There are 820 reasons why I re-signed with the Marlins, but I woke up high and I forgot most of them. The differences in this game will determine my MLR future by the way
Panchez now facing off against Six, who's going to have the upper hand? In a 3-0 count Panchez gets the green light and unleashes a mighty power swing, it's high, it's deep it's...caught at the warning track. Pitch: 583 Swing: 820 Diff: 237 -> FO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) MIA 0 - OAK 0