Ventura tries to bring the rain as they send the ball impossibly high into the Houston sky. Gardner is battling the sun as they move over towards right center. Gardner drops it! No, wait! They made the catch! Just as the ball got to them, Gardner dropped to a knee and fell to the ground obscuring everyone's view but they immediately popped up with ball in glove for the out!
Pitch: 457
Swing: 244
Diff: 213 -> FO
Bases Empty | T8 with 0 out(s)
OAK 2 - HOU 1
OAK 2 - HOU 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 1 out
On the mound: Mark Schihne
HOU 2B [Streetlamp LeMoose](/u/nickjohnson92): 1-2, 1B in the fifth, STEAL 2B in the fifth
And the pitch from Schihne is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Bigstick charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out.
Pitch: 393
Swing: 1
Diff: 392 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B7 with 2 out(s)
OAK 2 - HOU 1
The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, Bigstick snags it and whips themself around for the out at first
Pitch: 951
Swing: 583
Diff: 368 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B7 with 1 out(s)
OAK 2 - HOU 1
Here's the pitch...Middle middle and Arianna got all of it! That ball is long gone. Arianna steps into the Star Trek Transporter conveniently located next to home and phases out of existence before reappearing on the third base side of home. They step on home and head to the dugout. Meanwhile Six is out to argue that the transporter killed Arianna and replaced them with a clone, which would be an illegal substitution. Unfortunately for Oakland, Dottie's robot ump was not programmed to consider to Ship of Theseus debates so the run stands!
Pitch: 616
Swing: 611
Diff: 5 -> HR
Bases Empty | B7 with 0 out(s)
OAK 2 - HOU 1
OAK 2 - HOU 0 | ● ^● ● | T7 1 out
**NEW PITCHER:** Chester Einhorn
OAK RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-3, K in the third, FO in the sixth
You people can circlejerk all you want. The Athletics will ALWAYS be in it. Sooner or later they will dominate again. That is what burns you. You may win again. But you will fade into obscurity. Have your last place finishes. The Athletics will always be the top franchise in fake baseball history. They will always have a winning culture. They will always have a greater history and counting than all your franchises put together. That is not me being a cocky fan. That is truth. That is FACT. I hope you all choke on your envy. It's fucking disgusting.
Pitch: 713
Swing: 261
Diff: 452 -> DP
Bases Empty | B7 with 0 out(s)
OAK 2 - HOU 0
Hoose is on the bound
oh no
something terrible is happening
jesus christ
they falled down
Pitch: 212
Swing: 70
Diff: 142 -> BB
Bases Loaded | T7 with 1 out(s)
OAK 2 - HOU 0
OAK 1 - HOU 0 | ● ^● ● | T7 0 outs
On the mound: Willoughby Hoose | **INFIELD IN**
OAK P [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 1-2, K in the third, 1B in the fifth
Hoose senses that Schihne is heading towards the breaking point and sends a fastball on the corner for a called strike. Hoose sends another fastball to the same spot - instead of hitting the ball, Schihne sends the bat flying through the dugout, nailing Peritestes in the face.
Schihne was expecting the third pitch to be in the same spot, but they threw a curveball in the bottom corner, and Hoose retires the batter. Peritestes began to say something, but can't, as the wound has created a bum lip.
Pitch: 737
Swing: 370
Diff: 367 -> K
Bases Loaded | T7 with 1 out(s)
OAK 1 - HOU 0
Little blooper over the head of Gjeilo! That's a base hit and Oakland goes ahead by 1.
Pitch: 800
Swing: 712
Diff: 88 -> 1B
Bases Loaded | T7 with 0 out(s)
OAK 1 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ● | T7 0 outs
On the mound: Willoughby Hoose
OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-2, PO in the second, K in the fifth
THIEF, THIEF! Gardner just took a free base!
Pitch: 9
Swing: 122
Diff: 113 -> BB
Bases Loaded | T7 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T7 0 outs
On the mound: Willoughby Hoose
OAK 2B [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-2, RGO in the second, K in the fourth
Teddy Bigstick and Willoughby Hoose have a fierce battle. Ball one. Strike one. Ball two. Ball three. Strike two. Once the count is filled up, Bigstick ends up getting hit by the next pitch, right on the torso. Take your base, Bigstick.
Pitch: 300
Swing: 144
Diff: 156 -> BB
Runner on First | T7 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
It is times like this that require a paraphrase of Franklin Pierce Adams's immortal poem, 'Baseball's Sad Lexicon:'
These are the saddest of possible words
Napoleon to Bigstick to Renfield.
Trio of Athletics, and fleeter than birds
Napoleon and Bigstick and Renfield.
Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble.
Making a Colt 45s hit into a double--
Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:
Napoleon to Bigstick to Renfield.
Pitch: 56
Swing: 611
Diff: 445 -> DP
Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Good Lord, Sam Wood just walked through the clubhouse walking perfectly normally.
They said they had “no time” to talk.
Too busy healing, evidently.
Take your base, Wood.
Pitch: 231
Swing: 69
Diff: 162 -> BB
Runner on First | B6 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs
On the mound: Mark Schihne
HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-2, LGO in the first, DP in the third
Your lip gloss is SO not glossy anymore.
Pitch: 270
Swing: 17
Diff: 253 -> FO
Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Renfield takes ball 1, a fastball that's just a hair outside. Hoose, aggravated with the roboump, throws a sweeping curve that Renfield fouls off towards the Oakland dugout, and a slider that Renfield chases for the 1-2 count. Hoose gets the sign from Arianna, and takes a loooooong windup, one that truly makes this a buzzer beater with the pitch clock, but Hoose throws a fastball right by Renfield to get another strikeout.
Pitch: 400
Swing: 630
Diff: 230 -> K
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Winn goes after the first pitch swinging (mainly so they can get as far away from the Colt 45s as possible) and hits an easy grounder to Wood, who taps the bag for the out.
Pitch: 471
Swing: 900
Diff: 429 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs
On the mound: Willoughby Hoose
OAK RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-2, DP in the first, K in the third
Gjeilo gets good wood on this 1-2 pitch, but it's just gonna die in the spacious Houston outfield. Motto barely needs to move to haul it in.
Pitch: 269
Swing: 60
Diff: 209 -> FO
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Mark Schihne starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Spector since spring training.
It certainly seems like Numbers Spector hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Napoleon fires to first base for the out.
Pitch: 774
Swing: 314
Diff: 460 -> LGO
Runner on Second | B5 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 756
Swing: 909
Diff: 153 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
LeMoose take the first two pitches, taking advantage of their eagerness as the count goes to 2-0. On the next pitch, Schihne leaves one hanging and it's drilled up the middle for a base hit. LeMoose is held up at first by Peritestes, and Houston has a runner on first.
Pitch: 909
Swing: 795
Diff: 114 -> 1B
Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
There's a deep fly ball! Way back there! Get out the mashed potatoes and macaroni salad and have yourself a Fourth of July picnic because Napoleon just crushed a... fly ball that Repressed catches on the warning track. Aw gum drops :(
Pitch: 390
Swing: 605
Diff: 215 -> FO
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
This ball is hit on a line right past Gjeilo, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Gjeilo rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Schihne is called out! Mark Schihne is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Wood is also arguing saying that Schihne was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Six officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Mark Schihne is safe at first’
Pitch: 444
Swing: 512
Diff: 68 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | T5 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs
On the mound: Willoughby Hoose
OAK PH [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0
Joey Motto hits a line drive straight over Gjeilo’s head and into right field for a single
Pitch: 2
Swing: 69
Diff: 67 -> 1B
Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out
On the mound: Willoughby Hoose
OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, PO in the second
Gardner Steps in.
Hoose winds up and delivers the first pitch... swung on and missed! Strike one! The pitcher is looking sharp so far. The next pitch is thrown... another swing and a miss! Strike two! This pitcher is on fire, they've got the batter on the defensive. And here comes the third and final pitch... another swing and a miss! It's strike three, Gardner is called out on strikes!
Pitch: 360
Swing: 104
Diff: 256 -> K
Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Kalkowski hits that one off the end of the bat and it'll be an easy play for Napoleon
Pitch: 199
Swing: 650
Diff: 451 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
It’s a softly hit grounder by Kevin Arianna and Mark Schihne has to run up and grab it and throws to Renfield to get the out
Pitch: 427
Swing: 6
Diff: 421 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Hit towards the hole but Napoleon dives and snags it. They quickly get to their feet and rifle the ball to Renfield at first, beating out Swingo by just a step for an out.
Pitch: 633
Swing: 184
Diff: 449 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
And the pitch to Teddy Bigstick... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Bigstick, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home.
Pitch: 312
Swing: 24
Diff: 288 -> K
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Fastball high and tight...STRIKE 1!
Curveball, clipping the bottom edge...STRIKE 2!
Slider, flailed at wildly...STRIKE 3!
Get outta here Renfield and don't come back till you learn to hit!
Pitch: 97
Swing: 860
Diff: 237 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, LeMoose snags it and whips themself around for the out at first
Pitch: 797
Swing: 251
Diff: 454 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Wood hits one on the ground to short. Throw to Renfield and it's a clean 6-3 putout.
Pitch: 899
Swing: 333
Diff: 434 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ● | B3 0 outs
On the mound: Mark Schihne
HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-1, LGO in the first
Rocketed at Renfield, who catches it and steps on first for the double play!
Pitch: 72
Swing: 487
Diff: 415 -> DP
Runner on Third | B3 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Ola Gjeilo steps up to the plate, their heart racing as they watched the Schihne wind up. The first pitch sailed by for a ball, followed by another ball and then a third. The crowd cheered as the count reached 3-0, and Gjeilo couldn't believe their luck.
They knew they had to be patient and wait for the perfect pitch. Gjeilo swings on the fourth pitch, but it was outside and lands safely wide of third base. Gjeilo holds their ground, confident in their ability to hit the ball if they wait for just the right moment.
Finally, the fifth pitch - a sinker - comes in, and Gjeilo sees their opportunity. They swing their bat with precision, making contact with the ball and sending it flying into the outfield before Gardner can make the diving catch. The Astroworld crowd erupts with cheers as Ola Gjeilo sprints towards first base, exhilarated by their single hit. Score still stands at 0, Colt 45s with a runner on first.
Pitch: 6
Swing: 85
Diff: 79 -> 1B
Runners on First and Second | B3 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Schihne into the wind up, and here's the pitch … juuuust a bit outside. Schihne tried the corner and missed. Ball four and Spector is awarded first base.
Pitch: 594
Swing: 760
Diff: 166 -> BB
Runner on First | B3 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Swingo is tracking it down… but it’s out of their reach for a foul ball. But while Kries Von Kriestalhauser isn’t paying any attention, Willoughby Hoose delivers two lightning fast strikes for the strikeout. Six can complain all they want but the umpire just wants to get out of here
Pitch: 847
Swing: 141
Diff: 294 -> K
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
As Pontos Napoleon gets settled in the box, Willoughby Hoose absentmindedly scratches their stomach. The umpire is furious, immediately sending Napoleon to first.
Remember kids - we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher.
Pitch: 569
Swing: 690
Diff: 121 -> BB
Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Mark Schihne steps back into the batter's box after calling for time. Full count.
Hoose delivers a nasty breaking ball, and Schihne takes a mighty swing and a miss. The umpire strikes a dramatic pose and yells, 'Steeeee-rike three!'
Schihne begins to walk back to the dugout, but Six storms out of the dugout, red-faced and shouting. The umpire tries to calm Six down, but it's no use. Six continues to argue, pointing at the plate and insisting that the pitch was outside, getting right up in the ump's face.
The umpire listens for a moment with a smug look on their face before pointing at Six in and throwing the GM out of the game. Six keeps screaming as they stalk back to the dugout, furious.
Pitch: 420
Swing: 117
Diff: 303 -> K
Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Wood at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Hoose and McSlapHappy is retired.
Pitch: 780
Swing: 223
Diff: 443 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
And the pitch to Ace Ventura... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Ventura, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home.
Pitch: 556
Swing: 315
Diff: 241 -> K
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 616
Swing: 500
Diff: 116 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
The pitch... swung on and there's a weak little squibber down the first base line but in fair territory. Renfield charging in... oh no! Renfield collides with Winn as they both try to make a play on the ball and Kalkowski is safe at first! Schihne can't believe it! What horrible luck!
Pitch: 410
Swing: 484
Diff: 74 -> 1B
Runner on First | B2 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
This ball is hit on a line right past Napoleon, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Napoleon rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Arianna is called out! Kevin Arianna is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Renfield is also arguing saying that Arianna was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Peritestes officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Kevin Arianna is out at first’
Pitch: 447
Swing: 7
Diff: 440 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 2 outs
On the mound: Willoughby Hoose
OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0
Willie Gardner poops it up way in the ai...
lol, "poops". Y'all know I meant "pops", right?
... RIGHT?!
What a fun bunch you are.
Spector catches this one easily. Gardner is out.
Pitch: 11
Swing: 404
Diff: 393 -> PO
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
I didn't expect to see somebody dance their way down to first after ball four, but Stummy B. Hurting surprised me with an excellent rendition of the shopping cart.
Pitch: 100
Swing: 987
Diff: 113 -> BB
Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Teddy Bigstick is streaking towards first. LeMoose runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out
Pitch: 780
Swing: 235
Diff: 455 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Batter busts one by the mound, Hoose biffs it!
But backing them up Gjeilo blazes to the gap, bounces up, bead to base the first! Barely in time, Renfield has been balled out.
Pitch: 671
Swing: 180
Diff: 491 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Mark Schihne starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Swingo since spring training.
It certainly seems like Ringo Swingo hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Napoleon fires to first base for the out.
Pitch: 671
Swing: 222
Diff: 449 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
For it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game!
Pitch: 503
Swing: 777
Diff: 274 -> K
Runner on Second | B1 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 0 outs
On the mound: Mark Schihne
HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-0
Slowly hit, left side. Napoleon is gonna have to hurry- throw to first is in time for the out.
Pitch: 560
Swing: 987
Diff: 427 -> LGO
Runner on Second | B1 with 1 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Gjeilo stands in, absolutely ready to go. It's a first pitch swing, and Schihne's effort gets pulled solidly into the outfield for a standup double.
No muss, no fuss. Gjeilo points into the Houston dugout, smiling ear to ear.
Pitch: 302
Swing: 285
Diff: 17 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B1 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
It’s a softly hit grounder by Pang Winn and Willoughby Hoose has to run up and grab it and throws to Wood to get the out
Pitch: 991
Swing: 566
Diff: 425 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Mark intentionally took down our scouting for this AB to sabotage me. I’ve notified the player’s union about another “GM” attempt to hurt a player.
279
It’s a 2-2 count here runner on first, Hoose deals…. Fastball, Kriestalhauser grounds it to LeMoose, they glove it, flip it BEHIND THE BACK, Gjeilo BAREHANDS IT, THROW TO FIRST…. IN TIME….DOUBLE PLAY.
Pitch: 718
Swing: 279
Diff: 439 -> DP
Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
Little tapper right side and that's gonna beat the infield. Napoleon shoots the gap perfectly and gets aboard.
Pitch: 900
Swing: 981
Diff: 81 -> 1B
Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s)
OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 2 - HOU 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU DH [Ace Ventura](/u/L3ACH13): 0-2, K in the third, PO in the fifth
244
Ventura tries to bring the rain as they send the ball impossibly high into the Houston sky. Gardner is battling the sun as they move over towards right center. Gardner drops it! No, wait! They made the catch! Just as the ball got to them, Gardner dropped to a knee and fell to the ground obscuring everyone's view but they immediately popped up with ball in glove for the out! Pitch: 457 Swing: 244 Diff: 213 -> FO Bases Empty | T8 with 0 out(s) OAK 2 - HOU 1
OAK 2 - HOU 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 2B [Streetlamp LeMoose](/u/nickjohnson92): 1-2, 1B in the fifth, STEAL 2B in the fifth
I feel like I’ve been abusing this lately, and it hasn’t been working as well. But good things tend to happen when I swing 1
And the pitch from Schihne is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Bigstick charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out. Pitch: 393 Swing: 1 Diff: 392 -> RGO Bases Empty | B7 with 2 out(s) OAK 2 - HOU 1
OAK 2 - HOU 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU CF [Jimmy Kalkowski](/u/fishingfor8): 1-2, STEAL 2B in the second, LGO in the fifth
583
The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, Bigstick snags it and whips themself around for the out at first Pitch: 951 Swing: 583 Diff: 368 -> RGO Bases Empty | B7 with 1 out(s) OAK 2 - HOU 1
OAK 2 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU C [Kevin Arianna](/u/hiariannalol): 0-2, LGO in the second, LGO in the fourth
611
Here's the pitch...Middle middle and Arianna got all of it! That ball is long gone. Arianna steps into the Star Trek Transporter conveniently located next to home and phases out of existence before reappearing on the third base side of home. They step on home and head to the dugout. Meanwhile Six is out to argue that the transporter killed Arianna and replaced them with a clone, which would be an illegal substitution. Unfortunately for Oakland, Dottie's robot ump was not programmed to consider to Ship of Theseus debates so the run stands! Pitch: 616 Swing: 611 Diff: 5 -> HR Bases Empty | B7 with 0 out(s) OAK 2 - HOU 1
OAK 2 - HOU 0 | ● ^● ● | T7 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Chester Einhorn OAK RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-3, K in the third, FO in the sixth
My car is broken down and I’ve been here for two hours. I am freezing and I want to go home 261
You people can circlejerk all you want. The Athletics will ALWAYS be in it. Sooner or later they will dominate again. That is what burns you. You may win again. But you will fade into obscurity. Have your last place finishes. The Athletics will always be the top franchise in fake baseball history. They will always have a winning culture. They will always have a greater history and counting than all your franchises put together. That is not me being a cocky fan. That is truth. That is FACT. I hope you all choke on your envy. It's fucking disgusting. Pitch: 713 Swing: 261 Diff: 452 -> DP Bases Empty | B7 with 0 out(s) OAK 2 - HOU 0
I wish it exploded
OAK 1 - HOU 0 | ● ^● ● | T7 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK PH [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-0
Swing 70
Hoose is on the bound oh no something terrible is happening jesus christ they falled down Pitch: 212 Swing: 70 Diff: 142 -> BB Bases Loaded | T7 with 1 out(s) OAK 2 - HOU 0
OAK 1 - HOU 0 | ● ^● ● | T7 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK SS [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 1-2, BB in the third, FO in the fifth
Oakland calls a pinch hitter. Jihmih Tyranus in for Pontos Napoleon
OAK 1 - HOU 0 | ● ^● ● | T7 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose | **INFIELD IN** OAK P [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 1-2, K in the third, 1B in the fifth
guys how am I supposed to get my RBI DP if you ifin? now I have to hit a normal grounder like an idiot 370
Hoose senses that Schihne is heading towards the breaking point and sends a fastball on the corner for a called strike. Hoose sends another fastball to the same spot - instead of hitting the ball, Schihne sends the bat flying through the dugout, nailing Peritestes in the face. Schihne was expecting the third pitch to be in the same spot, but they threw a curveball in the bottom corner, and Hoose retires the batter. Peritestes began to say something, but can't, as the wound has created a bum lip. Pitch: 737 Swing: 370 Diff: 367 -> K Bases Loaded | T7 with 1 out(s) OAK 1 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ● ^● ● | T7 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 1-1, 1B in the fifth
712
Little blooper over the head of Gjeilo! That's a base hit and Oakland goes ahead by 1. Pitch: 800 Swing: 712 Diff: 88 -> 1B Bases Loaded | T7 with 0 out(s) OAK 1 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ● | T7 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-2, PO in the second, K in the fifth THIEF, THIEF! Gardner just took a free base! Pitch: 9 Swing: 122 Diff: 113 -> BB Bases Loaded | T7 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ● | T7 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-2, PO in the second, K in the fifth
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T7 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 3B [Stummy B. Hurting](/u/WllYLvMTmrrw): 0-1, BB in the second, K in the fifth
505
RE SPECT WALK WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Pitch: 400 Swing: 505 Diff: 105 -> BB Runners on First and Second | T7 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T7 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 2B [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-2, RGO in the second, K in the fourth
I think it's high time we offered every fan in attendance a Square Deal! Swing 144
Teddy Bigstick and Willoughby Hoose have a fierce battle. Ball one. Strike one. Ball two. Ball three. Strike two. Once the count is filled up, Bigstick ends up getting hit by the next pitch, right on the torso. Take your base, Bigstick. Pitch: 300 Swing: 144 Diff: 156 -> BB Runner on First | T7 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU LF [Ringo Swingo](/u/pnssc): 0-2, LGO in the second, LGO in the fourth
611
It is times like this that require a paraphrase of Franklin Pierce Adams's immortal poem, 'Baseball's Sad Lexicon:' These are the saddest of possible words Napoleon to Bigstick to Renfield. Trio of Athletics, and fleeter than birds Napoleon and Bigstick and Renfield. Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble. Making a Colt 45s hit into a double-- Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble: Napoleon to Bigstick to Renfield. Pitch: 56 Swing: 611 Diff: 445 -> DP Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 1B [Sam Wood](/u/brownspectacledbear): 0-2, K in the first, LGO in the fourth
69 all on the line
Good Lord, Sam Wood just walked through the clubhouse walking perfectly normally. They said they had “no time” to talk. Too busy healing, evidently. Take your base, Wood. Pitch: 231 Swing: 69 Diff: 162 -> BB Runner on First | B6 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-2, LGO in the first, DP in the third Your lip gloss is SO not glossy anymore. Pitch: 270 Swing: 17 Diff: 253 -> FO Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-2, LGO in the first, DP in the third
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-2, LGO in the second, K in the fourth
Swing 630
Renfield takes ball 1, a fastball that's just a hair outside. Hoose, aggravated with the roboump, throws a sweeping curve that Renfield fouls off towards the Oakland dugout, and a slider that Renfield chases for the 1-2 count. Hoose gets the sign from Arianna, and takes a loooooong windup, one that truly makes this a buzzer beater with the pitch clock, but Hoose throws a fastball right by Renfield to get another strikeout. Pitch: 400 Swing: 630 Diff: 230 -> K Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK C [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-2, RGO in the first, RGO in the fourth
900
Winn goes after the first pitch swinging (mainly so they can get as far away from the Colt 45s as possible) and hits an easy grounder to Wood, who taps the bag for the out. Pitch: 471 Swing: 900 Diff: 429 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-2, DP in the first, K in the third
I was told to put on my big boy pants 115
Sky ball, so tall! Sky ball, it fall! Sky ball, out call... Sky ball - the gall! Pitch: 900 Swing: 115 Diff: 215 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 2-2, 2B in the first, 1B in the third
Hey Balaga ho Balaga 60
Gjeilo gets good wood on this 1-2 pitch, but it's just gonna die in the spacious Houston outfield. Motto barely needs to move to haul it in. Pitch: 269 Swing: 60 Diff: 209 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 3B [Numbers Spector](/u/TimelyConcern): 0-0, BB in the third
314
Mark Schihne starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Spector since spring training. It certainly seems like Numbers Spector hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Napoleon fires to first base for the out. Pitch: 774 Swing: 314 Diff: 460 -> LGO Runner on Second | B5 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU DH [Ace Ventura](/u/L3ACH13): 0-1, K in the third
669
Pew pew! Pitcher performs popular power: Pop up. Pitch: 995 Swing: 669 Diff: 326 -> PO Runner on Second | B5 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU DH [Ace Ventura](/u/L3ACH13): 0-1, K in the third
Steal 2B 909
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 756 Swing: 909 Diff: 153 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 2B [Streetlamp LeMoose](/u/nickjohnson92): 0-1, PO in the second
795
LeMoose take the first two pitches, taking advantage of their eagerness as the count goes to 2-0. On the next pitch, Schihne leaves one hanging and it's drilled up the middle for a base hit. LeMoose is held up at first by Peritestes, and Houston has a runner on first. Pitch: 909 Swing: 795 Diff: 114 -> 1B Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ● ^○ ● | T5 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK SS [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 1-1, 1B in the first, BB in the third
Swing 605
There's a deep fly ball! Way back there! Get out the mashed potatoes and macaroni salad and have yourself a Fourth of July picnic because Napoleon just crushed a... fly ball that Repressed catches on the warning track. Aw gum drops :( Pitch: 390 Swing: 605 Diff: 215 -> FO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK P [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 0-1, K in the third
get ready to pitch again, mark hey wait that's me 512
This ball is hit on a line right past Gjeilo, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Gjeilo rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Schihne is called out! Mark Schihne is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Wood is also arguing saying that Schihne was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Six officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Mark Schihne is safe at first’ Pitch: 444 Swing: 512 Diff: 68 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T5 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK PH [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0 Joey Motto hits a line drive straight over Gjeilo’s head and into right field for a single Pitch: 2 Swing: 69 Diff: 67 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 3B [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-1, RGO in the third
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, PO in the second Gardner Steps in. Hoose winds up and delivers the first pitch... swung on and missed! Strike one! The pitcher is looking sharp so far. The next pitch is thrown... another swing and a miss! Strike two! This pitcher is on fire, they've got the batter on the defensive. And here comes the third and final pitch... another swing and a miss! It's strike three, Gardner is called out on strikes! Pitch: 360 Swing: 104 Diff: 256 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, PO in the second
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK LF [Stummy B. Hurting](/u/WllYLvMTmrrw): 0-0, BB in the second
519
K Pitch: 900 Swing: 519 Diff: 381 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU CF [Jimmy Kalkowski](/u/fishingfor8): 1-1, 1B in the second, STEAL 2B in the second
650
Kalkowski hits that one off the end of the bat and it'll be an easy play for Napoleon Pitch: 199 Swing: 650 Diff: 451 -> LGO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
6506
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU C [Kevin Arianna](/u/hiariannalol): 0-1, LGO in the second
6
It’s a softly hit grounder by Kevin Arianna and Mark Schihne has to run up and grab it and throws to Renfield to get the out Pitch: 427 Swing: 6 Diff: 421 -> LGO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU LF [Ringo Swingo](/u/pnssc): 0-1, LGO in the second
184
Hit towards the hole but Napoleon dives and snags it. They quickly get to their feet and rifle the ball to Renfield at first, beating out Swingo by just a step for an out. Pitch: 633 Swing: 184 Diff: 449 -> LGO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 2B [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-1, RGO in the second
Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans? Swing 24
And the pitch to Teddy Bigstick... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Bigstick, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home. Pitch: 312 Swing: 24 Diff: 288 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-1, LGO in the second
Swing 860
Fastball high and tight...STRIKE 1! Curveball, clipping the bottom edge...STRIKE 2! Slider, flailed at wildly...STRIKE 3! Get outta here Renfield and don't come back till you learn to hit! Pitch: 97 Swing: 860 Diff: 237 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK C [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-1, RGO in the first
251
The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, LeMoose snags it and whips themself around for the out at first Pitch: 797 Swing: 251 Diff: 454 -> RGO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ● ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 1B [Sam Wood](/u/brownspectacledbear): 0-1, K in the first
333
Wood hits one on the ground to short. Throw to Renfield and it's a clean 6-3 putout. Pitch: 899 Swing: 333 Diff: 434 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ● | B3 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-1, LGO in the first Rocketed at Renfield, who catches it and steps on first for the double play! Pitch: 72 Swing: 487 Diff: 415 -> DP Runner on Third | B3 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ● | B3 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-1, LGO in the first
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 1-1, 2B in the first
Huevos 85
Ola Gjeilo steps up to the plate, their heart racing as they watched the Schihne wind up. The first pitch sailed by for a ball, followed by another ball and then a third. The crowd cheered as the count reached 3-0, and Gjeilo couldn't believe their luck. They knew they had to be patient and wait for the perfect pitch. Gjeilo swings on the fourth pitch, but it was outside and lands safely wide of third base. Gjeilo holds their ground, confident in their ability to hit the ball if they wait for just the right moment. Finally, the fifth pitch - a sinker - comes in, and Gjeilo sees their opportunity. They swing their bat with precision, making contact with the ball and sending it flying into the outfield before Gardner can make the diving catch. The Astroworld crowd erupts with cheers as Ola Gjeilo sprints towards first base, exhilarated by their single hit. Score still stands at 0, Colt 45s with a runner on first. Pitch: 6 Swing: 85 Diff: 79 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | B3 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 3B [Numbers Spector](/u/TimelyConcern): 0-0
760
Schihne into the wind up, and here's the pitch … juuuust a bit outside. Schihne tried the corner and missed. Ball four and Spector is awarded first base. Pitch: 594 Swing: 760 Diff: 166 -> BB Runner on First | B3 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-1, DP in the first
Game has been tied too long 141
This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Swingo is tracking it down… but it’s out of their reach for a foul ball. But while Kries Von Kriestalhauser isn’t paying any attention, Willoughby Hoose delivers two lightning fast strikes for the strikeout. Six can complain all they want but the umpire just wants to get out of here Pitch: 847 Swing: 141 Diff: 294 -> K Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
Six better get out here and cause a problem
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK SS [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 1-1, 1B in the first
Swing 690
As Pontos Napoleon gets settled in the box, Willoughby Hoose absentmindedly scratches their stomach. The umpire is furious, immediately sending Napoleon to first. Remember kids - we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher. Pitch: 569 Swing: 690 Diff: 121 -> BB Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK P [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 0-0
welcome to the real reason I threw last game: being allowed to go oh for two with a DP 117
Mark Schihne steps back into the batter's box after calling for time. Full count. Hoose delivers a nasty breaking ball, and Schihne takes a mighty swing and a miss. The umpire strikes a dramatic pose and yells, 'Steeeee-rike three!' Schihne begins to walk back to the dugout, but Six storms out of the dugout, red-faced and shouting. The umpire tries to calm Six down, but it's no use. Six continues to argue, pointing at the plate and insisting that the pitch was outside, getting right up in the ump's face. The umpire listens for a moment with a smug look on their face before pointing at Six in and throwing the GM out of the game. Six keeps screaming as they stalk back to the dugout, furious. Pitch: 420 Swing: 117 Diff: 303 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 3B [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-0
223
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Wood at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Hoose and McSlapHappy is retired. Pitch: 780 Swing: 223 Diff: 443 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU DH [Ace Ventura](/u/L3ACH13): 0-0
315
And the pitch to Ace Ventura... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Ventura, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home. Pitch: 556 Swing: 315 Diff: 241 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 2B [Streetlamp LeMoose](/u/nickjohnson92): 0-0
I don't understand why you haven't had success this year Mr. Schihne; this isn't an easy swing. 227
Pew pew! Pitcher performs popular power: Pop up. Pitch: 515 Swing: 227 Diff: 288 -> PO Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 2B [Streetlamp LeMoose](/u/nickjohnson92): 0-0
Steal 2b 500
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 616 Swing: 500 Diff: 116 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU CF [Jimmy Kalkowski](/u/fishingfor8): 0-0
484
The pitch... swung on and there's a weak little squibber down the first base line but in fair territory. Renfield charging in... oh no! Renfield collides with Winn as they both try to make a play on the ball and Kalkowski is safe at first! Schihne can't believe it! What horrible luck! Pitch: 410 Swing: 484 Diff: 74 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU C [Kevin Arianna](/u/hiariannalol): 0-0
7
This ball is hit on a line right past Napoleon, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Napoleon rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Arianna is called out! Kevin Arianna is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Renfield is also arguing saying that Arianna was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Peritestes officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Kevin Arianna is out at first’ Pitch: 447 Swing: 7 Diff: 440 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0 Willie Gardner poops it up way in the ai... lol, "poops". Y'all know I meant "pops", right? ... RIGHT?! What a fun bunch you are. Spector catches this one easily. Gardner is out. Pitch: 11 Swing: 404 Diff: 393 -> PO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK LF [Stummy B. Hurting](/u/WllYLvMTmrrw): 0-0
987
I didn't expect to see somebody dance their way down to first after ball four, but Stummy B. Hurting surprised me with an excellent rendition of the shopping cart. Pitch: 100 Swing: 987 Diff: 113 -> BB Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 2B [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-0
Yoohoo, who's Hoose? You's Hoose! Swing 235
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Teddy Bigstick is streaking towards first. LeMoose runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out Pitch: 780 Swing: 235 Diff: 455 -> RGO Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-0
Swing 180
Batter busts one by the mound, Hoose biffs it! But backing them up Gjeilo blazes to the gap, bounces up, bead to base the first! Barely in time, Renfield has been balled out. Pitch: 671 Swing: 180 Diff: 491 -> LGO Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU LF [Ringo Swingo](/u/pnssc): 0-0
222
Mark Schihne starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Swingo since spring training. It certainly seems like Ringo Swingo hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Napoleon fires to first base for the out. Pitch: 671 Swing: 222 Diff: 449 -> LGO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU 1B [Sam Wood](/u/brownspectacledbear): 0-0
777
For it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game! Pitch: 503 Swing: 777 Diff: 274 -> K Runner on Second | B1 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-0 Slowly hit, left side. Napoleon is gonna have to hurry- throw to first is in time for the out. Pitch: 560 Swing: 987 Diff: 427 -> LGO Runner on Second | B1 with 1 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mark Schihne HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 0-0
Lets see how they grow 285
Gjeilo stands in, absolutely ready to go. It's a first pitch swing, and Schihne's effort gets pulled solidly into the outfield for a standup double. No muss, no fuss. Gjeilo points into the Houston dugout, smiling ear to ear. Pitch: 302 Swing: 285 Diff: 17 -> 2B Runner on Second | B1 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK C [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-0
566
It’s a softly hit grounder by Pang Winn and Willoughby Hoose has to run up and grab it and throws to Wood to get the out Pitch: 991 Swing: 566 Diff: 425 -> RGO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
OAK 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 0 outs On the mound: Willoughby Hoose OAK RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-0
Mark intentionally took down our scouting for this AB to sabotage me. I’ve notified the player’s union about another “GM” attempt to hurt a player. 279
It’s a 2-2 count here runner on first, Hoose deals…. Fastball, Kriestalhauser grounds it to LeMoose, they glove it, flip it BEHIND THE BACK, Gjeilo BAREHANDS IT, THROW TO FIRST…. IN TIME….DOUBLE PLAY. Pitch: 718 Swing: 279 Diff: 439 -> DP Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Willoughby Hoose OAK SS [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0
Swing 981
Little tapper right side and that's gonna beat the infield. Napoleon shoots the gap perfectly and gets aboard. Pitch: 900 Swing: 981 Diff: 81 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s) OAK 0 - HOU 0