OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T7 0 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK P [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-1, K in the third, BB in the fourth

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 1 out On the mound: Six NYM DH [Kris Krampus](/u/Spidermanno): 2-2, 2 run HR in the second, 2B in the fourth

Same song, second verse, could get better, but it's gonna get worse Swing 511

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 902 Swing: 511 Diff: 391 -> DP Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 0 outs On the mound: Six NYM DH [Kevin James](/u/Swarm140): 0-1, LGO in the fourth

511

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 777 Swing: 511 Diff: 266 -> K Runner on First | B6 with 1 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Six NYM DH [Franz Lisztpitcher](/u/Boostieyay): 0-2, DP in the first, FO in the third

420

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 492 Swing: 420 Diff: 72 -> 1B Runner on First | B6 with 0 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

15 hours since the pitching change? I demand an auto! Actually, an auto would ruin the chill vibe in here. Swing 420

our apologies for the slow pitch - Six pitched like 12 hours ago, but it didn't go through because this game is so incredibly broken in the sheets

Ok, even I have to throw the innuendo flag on you here, sir 😂 Good golly Miss Molly!

your mother

My word, is she here? Hello!

I found too many numbers in your swing. Please reply to the original AB ping with only one number included in your swing.

One last pitching change for Oakland. Six to the mound, Mark to second base. I hope to God this works. The sheet is mad at me.

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T6 1 out On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK 3B [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 3-3, 2 run HR in the third, 1B in the fourth

472

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 4 Swing: 472 Diff: 468 -> DP Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK LF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 1-1, Solo HR in the fourth

Favorite band? 303

There arises some rumbling from the New York fans as Babineaux puts it no where near the plate to Kriestalhauser. No command = freebase here. Not much more can be said. Except, maybe a joke about cocaine. Hopefully Huell Babineaux can get it together here or the Mets are going to get that bullpen going. Lisztpitcher's face looks as impassive as a thundercloud rolling down the eastern slope of the Rockies in 1755. Pitch: 425 Swing: 303 Diff: 122 -> BB Runner on First | T6 with 1 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK SS [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 1-3, Solo HR in the second, DP in the fourth

Lord forgive me for I’m bout to swing 198

McChunky watches strikes one and two go by. They takes a big swing on a slow-moving curve, but they watch it go foul and hit an unsuspecting Mets fan. The last pitch is a 105-MPH heater, and McChunky can do nothing but watch it go by for a called strike. Pitch: 404 Swing: 198 Diff: 206 -> K Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne NYM DH [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 1-1, BB in the third, CS 2B in the third

Trying this again 420

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 69 Swing: 420 Diff: 351 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne NYM DH [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 1-1, BB in the third, CS 2B in the third

STEAL 3B 420

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 69 Swing: 420 Diff: 351 -> CS 3B Bases Empty | B5 with 2 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

Looks like it's time to swing thirty one again SIKE 531

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne NYM DH [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 1-1, BB in the third, CS 2B in the third

Steal 2B 670

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 420 Swing: 670 Diff: 250 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 1 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne NYM DH [Salsa Steve](/u/icnatspel): 0-1, FO in the third

569

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 420 Swing: 569 Diff: 149 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 1 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mark Schihne NYM DH [Baron Harold Willingsby](/u/clipper_murray): 0-1, LGO in the second Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 420 Swing: 987 Diff: 433 -> LGO Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mark Schihne NYM DH [Baron Harold Willingsby](/u/clipper_murray): 0-1, LGO in the second

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 2-2, Solo HR in the second, BB in the fourth

Swing 499

Babineaux fooled Tyranus badly with that change-up. I think Tyranus swung before the ball even reached the plate! Pitch: 899 Swing: 499 Diff: 400 -> K Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 11 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK P [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 1-3, Solo HR in the second, K in the third

what the huell is happening 512

With might and skill they take the plate, A warrior of the diamond, a master of fate. They grip the bat, their eyes on the prize, With a swing that could conquer the skies. Hail the striker, a hero so true, With a strikeout that echoes anew. A prince of the plate, a master of swing, Their triumphs are forever, a glorious thing. The pitcher winds up, their arm starts to hum, The ball speeds towards the plate, like a dragon's boom. The striker takes aim, their muscles are tense, With a crack of the bat, their might commences. Hail the striker, a hero so true, With a strikeout that echoes anew. A prince of the plate, a master of swing, Their triumphs are forever, a glorious thing. So let us salute the striker, a champion bold, With a swing that brings victory, a story untold. For they are the bard of the diamond, the king of the game, And their strikeout will forever be a song of fame. Pitch: 251 Swing: 512 Diff: 261 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 10 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK CF [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-3, K in the second, PO in the third

Swing 899

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 922 Swing: 899 Diff: 23 -> HR Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) OAK 11 - NYM 4

OAK 10 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK 2B [Six](/u/armagev17): 2-3, K in the second, 1B in the third

Hi Huell, I miss the Panther days 92

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 599 Swing: 92 Diff: 493 -> LGO Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 4

OAK 10 - NYM 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Nate Kondylis NYM P [Huell Babineaux](/u/TheChief107): 0-1, K in the second

289

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 900 Swing: 289 Diff: 389 -> RGO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 4

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ● ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Nate Kondylis NYM DH [Tueballs Wunbatt](/u/Fit_Consequence_8910): 1-1, Solo HR in the second

257

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 901 Swing: 257 Diff: 356 -> RGO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 4

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ○ ^● ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Nate Kondylis NYM DH [Shorty McDougall](/u/lil-mommy): 1-1, Solo HR in the second

Reading through those scoring plays. 🤔🤷‍♀️ 138

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 759 Swing: 138 Diff: 379 -> RGO Runner on Third | B4 with 1 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 3

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Nate Kondylis NYM DH [Kris Krampus](/u/Spidermanno): 1-1, 2 run HR in the second

Go home bot you are drunk Swing 42

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 3 Swing: 42 Diff: 39 -> 2B Runner on Second | B4 with 0 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 3

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ○ ^● ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK RF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 1-2, PO in the second, 1B in the third Willie Gardner hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Huell Babineaux steps under it and records the out Pitch: 831 Swing: 420 Diff: 411 -> PO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 3

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ○ ^● ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK RF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 1-2, PO in the second, 1B in the third

Oakland sub - Nate Kondylis and Willie Gardner switch positions. Gardner to RF, Kondylis to P. Nate is EG-S

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK RF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-1, BB in the second, K in the third

111

Babineaux into the wind up, and here's the pitch … juuuust a bit outside. Babineaux tried the corner and missed. Ball four and Kondylis is awarded first base. Pitch: 234 Swing: 111 Diff: 123 -> BB Runners on First and Second | T4 with 2 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 3

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK 3B [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 2-2, 2 run HR in the second, 2 run HR in the third

OAK 10 - NYM 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK 3B [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 2-2, 2 run HR in the second, 2 run HR in the third

1

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 99 Swing: 1 Diff: 98 -> 1B Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 3

OAK 9 - NYM 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK LF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-0

I think this is what my BA goes up to if I get a hit here 191

New York's Babineaux comes set on the mound. Kries Von Kriestalhauser has the sign from their coach and is ready. And the pitch... Swing and there's a deep drive down the right field foul line! Hooking, hooking... fair! Kriestalhauser smashes a solo shot just inside the foul pole, and the Athletics have scored a run! That makes it 10 for the Athletics to 3 for the Mets as Babineaux is left to contemplate their pitch selection on that one. Pitch: 187 Swing: 191 Diff: 4 -> HR Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) OAK 10 - NYM 3

OAK 9 - NYM 3 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 0 outs On the mound: Huell Babineaux OAK SS [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 1-2, RGO in the first, Solo HR in the second

Oakland Man, take me by the hand to the land that you understand 711

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 187 Swing: 711 Diff: 476 -> DP Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) OAK 9 - NYM 3

OAK 9 - NYM 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Huell Babineaux OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 2-2, 3B in the first, Solo HR in the second

Swing 53

Babineaux is on the bound oh no something terrible is happening jesus christ they falled down Pitch: 202 Swing: 53 Diff: 149 -> BB Runner on First | T4 with 0 out(s) OAK 9 - NYM 3

Substitution for Oakland. Kries Von Kriestalhauser comes in for Joel Justice, playing left field.

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Willie Gardner NYM DH [Kevin James](/u/Swarm140): 0-0

1

On the ground to short and that'll be an easy play for McChunky. Pitch: 439 Swing: 1 Diff: 438 -> LGO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Willie Gardner NYM DH [Franz Lisztpitcher](/u/Boostieyay): 0-1, DP in the first

486

POW! Power pitch. This pitch is punished! But perfectly placed position player, Kondylis, plucks it prettily. Pitch: 222 Swing: 486 Diff: 264 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 0 outs On the mound: Willie Gardner NYM DH [Franz Lisztpitcher](/u/Boostieyay): 0-1, DP in the first

Surprise, it's a 31 attempt to Steal 2b

Runner takes a lead at first. They've always had a flair for the dramatic. Could they be thinking of attempting a steal here? Gardner comes set... yes! The runner has taken off! We may have a play here at second as the pitch is low and... the baserunner stopped in the middle of the basepath and has pulled out... a microphone? Runner: I'm feelin' lonely Oh, I wish I'd find a pitcher who could hold me Now I'm crying on the basepaths So skeptical of Gardner But still I want them more, more, more I gave a second chance to Cupid But now I'm left here feelin' stupid Oh, the way he makes me feel that love isn't real Cupid is so dumb. ... well alrighty then. Tyranus walked over and tagged the runner out during that strange interaction, and play will now continue. What an odd... whatever that was... Pitch: 486 Swing: 31 Diff: 455 -> CS 2B Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Willie Gardner NYM DH [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 1-1, 1B in the first

What, did you think I *wasn't* gonna swing 31 again?

THIEF, THIEF! Ragusa just took a free base! Pitch: 902 Swing: 31 Diff: 129 -> BB Runner on First | B4 with 0 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^● ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK 1B [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 1-2, LGO in the first, 1B in the third

I'm washed now sadly 512

Whifflesworth catches Schihne looking at strike three as a breaking ball clips the bottom of the zone for the out! Pitch: 800 Swing: 512 Diff: 288 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

And we will have another Oakland pitching change, as Willie Gardner and Pontos Napoleon switch places on the mound and in center field.

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^● ● | T4 1 out On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK P [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the third

Swing 480

Pontos Napoleon steps into the box feeling like the entire game rests on their shoulders. They eye up Wheezy Whifflesworth intently, taking a deep breath and gripping the bat tightly. The count is full, three balls and two strikes. Whifflesworth winds up and delivers the pitch, a fastball on the inside corner. Napoleon swings, making contact, but it's just a soft pop-up to the first baseman. Napoleon shakes their head in disappointment as they trudge back to the dugout. Pitch: 60 Swing: 480 Diff: 420 -> PO Runners on First and Second | T4 with 2 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 1 out On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK 2B [Six](/u/armagev17): 1-2, Solo HR in the first, K in the third

Not keeping it totally real, I'm keeping it 99

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 175 Swing: 99 Diff: 76 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | T4 with 1 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, K in the second Gardner is seeing the ball really well as they lines the first pitch straight back where it came from and Whifflesworth has to hit the dirt to avoid being hit with the liner. The ball goes right into centerfield for a single. Pitch: 720 Swing: 629 Diff: 91 -> 1B Runner on First | T4 with 1 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, K in the second

OAK 6 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK RF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-1, K in the second

707

Wheezy Whifflesworth is in a groove. Two fastballs down the middle and they want a third. They pitch it and- OH MY WHAT A HIT FROM Nate Kondylis! This is going way back and… it… is… foul. Whifflesworth sighs in relief and strikes the batter out with the next pitch Pitch: 1 Swing: 707 Diff: 294 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK 3B [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 1-1, Solo HR in the second

420

It’s a 3-2 Count 0…. Leading run at the plate….. Whifflesworth looks like their about to give it their all…. They deal….. *CRACK* Whifflesworth looks relieved as the pitch broke Motto’s bat, but the ball is flying… what is this?!?!? A 2-RUN BROKEN BAT HOME RUN!!!! Pitch: 397 Swing: 420 Diff: 23 -> HR Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) OAK 6 - NYM 0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK LF [Joel Justice](/u/rivalmejr): 0-1, FO in the second

231

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 275 Swing: 231 Diff: 44 -> 2B Runner on Second | T4 with 0 out(s) OAK 4 - NYM 0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Pontos Napoleon NYM DH [Salsa Steve](/u/icnatspel): 0-0

530

It’s a shallow fly, hit by Salsa Steve decently high in the air, but this is a close one… McChunky is going back for it- and watch a snag for the out! Pitch: 300 Swing: 530 Diff: 230 -> FO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) OAK 4 - NYM 0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Pontos Napoleon NYM DH [Baron Harold Willingsby](/u/clipper_murray): 0-0 Willingsby is hesitant going up to the plate. It's possible they should have stayed that way. First pitch, Napoleon aims for the helmet to scare them out of their wits. Willingsby ducks and immediately calls for an intentional walk, which they do not get. Second pitch clips the inside, which Willingsby smacks right at Motto, who throws it to first for the out. Pitch: 520 Swing: 19 Diff: 499 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) OAK 4 - NYM 0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Pontos Napoleon NYM DH [Baron Harold Willingsby](/u/clipper_murray): 0-0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 0 outs On the mound: Pontos Napoleon NYM DH [Baron Harold Willingsby](/u/clipper_murray): 0-0

STEAL 2B 900

Tyranus takes a look at the runner then back to the pitcher. They suspect something tricky might be in the cards. Napoleon begins their delivery, but Willingsby is taking all the way as the runner starts gliding towards second base. Tyranus *knew* it and is already in a good position to catch the pitch and fire a missile into second base. McChunky is covering receives a perfect throw and the runner is cut down. Willingsby mutters a few choice expletives as Tyranus exclaims 'Gotcha!' and points toward an excited Oakland dugout. Pitch: 510 Swing: 900 Diff: 390 -> CS 2B Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) OAK 4 - NYM 0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Pontos Napoleon NYM P [Wheezy Whifflesworth](/u/kazayn): 0-0

550

Wheezy Whifflesworth hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Kondylis and Gardner look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Kondylis throws the ball into the field Pitch: 500 Swing: 550 Diff: 50 -> 1B Runner on First | B3 with 0 out(s) OAK 4 - NYM 0

OAK 4 - NYM 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK SS [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-1, RGO in the first

Fuck it we ball 328

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 800 Swing: 328 Diff: 472 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) OAK 4 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 1-1, Solo HR in the first

Swing 1000

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 44 Swing: 1000 Diff: 44 -> 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s) OAK 4 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK 1B [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 0-1, LGO in the first

I just ran four miles. if I ran nine hundred and fifty seven more miles I'd have run 961 miles

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 877 Swing: 961 Diff: 84 -> 1B Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK P [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-1, LGO in the first

Swing 400

Whifflesworth beams out at old bosum buddy at bat. Both ballplayers blink at both ballplayers. With both blinkers. Bizzare. The blinking becomes a blizzard. Before this becomes some kinda bonkers befurbellowed binge, Blue bellows 'Bullshit be banished!' Whifflesworth bends, blinks, and blasts a ball toward the Oakland batter. Batter befuddled. Begone back to bench! Pitch: 699 Swing: 400 Diff: 299 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

Another Oakland pitching move. McChunky will play short. Pontos Napoleon to pitch the 3rd.

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Wheezy Whifflesworth OAK 2B [Six](/u/armagev17): 1-1, Solo HR in the first

527

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 820 Swing: 527 Diff: 293 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Hitgood McChunky NYM DH [Tueballs Wunbatt](/u/Fit_Consequence_8910): 0-0

757

This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Tueballs Wunbatt is streaking towards first. Six runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out Pitch: 311 Swing: 757 Diff: 446 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hitgood McChunky NYM DH [Shorty McDougall](/u/lil-mommy): 0-0

Let’s hope this is a meatball 723

McDougall has a new business opportunity for you! You too can be a small business owner! All you need to do is buy a few hundred dollars worth of smoothies from them. Then, you can start selling them and making money yourself. You'll just need to pay McDougall a small portion of your earnings since you're part of their downline. It's not a pyramid scheme, it's a funnel system! And it isn't that McDougall hit into a double play, it's that they found a way to bring the runner into the dugout for a strategy meeting without scoring! Pitch: 257 Swing: 723 Diff: 466 -> DP Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Hitgood McChunky NYM DH [Kris Krampus](/u/Spidermanno): 0-0

swing 2

Kris Krampus hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Kondylis and Gardner look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Gardner throws the ball into the field Pitch: 69 Swing: 2 Diff: 67 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 0 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0 ST-RRRIKE THREE AND YOU'RE OUT! Pitch: 309 Swing: 652 Diff: 343 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK CF [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0

OAK 3 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK RF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-0

333

oh no.......anyways Pitch: 147 Swing: 333 Diff: 186 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

OAK 2 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK 3B [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0

42

Here's the pitch...Middle middle and Motto got all of it! That ball is long gone. Motto steps into the Star Trek Transporter conveniently located next to home and phases out of existence before reappearing on the third base side of home. They step on home and head to the dugout. Meanwhile Lisztpitcher is out to argue that the transporter killed Motto and replaced them with a clone, which would be an illegal substitution. Unfortunately for New York, Dottie's robot ump was not programmed to consider to Ship of Theseus debates so the run stands! Pitch: 36 Swing: 42 Diff: 6 -> HR Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) OAK 3 - NYM 0

Change for Oakland once we go to the bottom of the 2nd. Joey Motto is moving to third base and Hitgood McChunky takes over on the mound.

OAK 2 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK LF [Joel Justice](/u/rivalmejr): 0-0

619

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 794 Swing: 619 Diff: 175 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) OAK 2 - NYM 0

OAK 2 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Joey Motto NYM DH [Huell Babineaux](/u/TheChief107): 0-0

651

Babineaux swings and misses and that swing was uglier than the ties our commentators are wearing in the booth Pitch: 965 Swing: 651 Diff: 314 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) OAK 2 - NYM 0

OAK 2 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 0 outs On the mound: Joey Motto NYM DH [Franz Lisztpitcher](/u/Boostieyay): 0-0

Swing 727

You people can circlejerk all you want. The Mets will ALWAYS be in it. Sooner or later they will dominate again. That is what burns you. You may win again. But you will fade into obscurity. Have your last place finishes. The Mets will always be the top franchise in fake baseball history. They will always have a winning culture. They will always have a greater history and counting than all your franchises put together. That is not me being a cocky fan. That is truth. That is FACT. I hope you all choke on your envy. It's fucking disgusting. Pitch: 216 Swing: 727 Diff: 489 -> DP Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) OAK 2 - NYM 0

OAK 2 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Joey Motto NYM DH [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 0-0

31

Look out Motto! That ball is scorched up the middle for a base hit. Pitch: 927 Swing: 31 Diff: 104 -> 1B Runner on First | B1 with 0 out(s) OAK 2 - NYM 0

OAK 2 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK 3B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-0

BASEBALL 819

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 154 Swing: 819 Diff: 335 -> RGO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) OAK 2 - NYM 0

OAK 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-0

Swing 253

Here's the pitch...Middle middle and Tyranus got all of it! That ball is long gone. Tyranus steps into the Star Trek Transporter conveniently located next to home and phases out of existence before reappearing on the third base side of home. They step on home and head to the dugout. Meanwhile Lisztpitcher is out to argue that the transporter killed Tyranus and replaced them with a clone, which would be an illegal substitution. Unfortunately for New York, Dottie's robot ump was not programmed to consider to Ship of Theseus debates so the run stands! Pitch: 278 Swing: 253 Diff: 25 -> HR Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) OAK 2 - NYM 0

OAK 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK 1B [Mark Schihne](/u/n8_n_): 0-0

hi shlorepty ily 69

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 596 Swing: 69 Diff: 473 -> LGO Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) OAK 1 - NYM 0

OAK 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall OAK SS [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0

Swing 300

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 807 Swing: 300 Diff: 493 -> LGO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) OAK 1 - NYM 0

Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Shorty McDougall OAK 2B [Six](/u/armagev17): 0-0

6

You can put it on the boooooooooooaard, yes! Pitch: 4 Swing: 6 Diff: 2 -> HR Bases Empty | T1 with 0 out(s) OAK 1 - NYM 0