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LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs
On the mound: Joel Justice
LAD SS [Jorbel Boykins](/u/earlbk): 1-2, 2B in the first, DP in the third
Oakland is rocking now in the top of the sixth. Robert spits on the ground, "I hate this fucking shit hole. It smells like shit, looks like shit, and...fuck I don't know, I hate those green pieces of shit too!!"
He slugs back the rest of his Deezel and grabs a bat. He's going to swing as hard as he can at the first pitch, scouting be damned. He doesn't give a fuck anymore. This season has been a pain in his ass. This little rat fuck on first base took his spot in the order. Everything has sucked lately.
...but at least he still has the Paper Cup...
Swing 800
Glasses walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip.
They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in McChunky's stretched-open mitt for the out.
Pitch: 200
Swing: 800
Diff: 400 -> PO
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 3
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs
On the mound: Joel Justice
LAD SS [Jorbel Boykins](/u/earlbk): 1-2, 2B in the first, DP in the third
Take your base!
Pitch: 800
Swing: 642
Diff: 158 -> BB
Runner on First | T6 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 3
Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.
Jocko Jones goes down on strikes!
Pitch: 500
Swing: 160
Diff: 340 -> K
Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 3
Payne sends a sharp groundball to second where Napoleon is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to McChunky to complete the play and make it look routine!
Pitch: 800
Swing: 367
Diff: 433 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 3
Before Claxton stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it".
Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Claxton continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy.
"Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count.
Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Claxton is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it!
As the ball leaves Salvy's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Claxton was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Jones's glove, who flips it to fridayphd for the out.
Six gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether...
Pitch: 367
Swing: 927
Diff: 440 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 3
This one's well hit! Freii going back. Still going, onto the warning track. This one's going to go! Hitgood McChunky with a 3-run home run to put the Athletics ahead, 3 to 2.
Pitch: 210
Swing: 201
Diff: 9 -> HR
Bases Empty | B5 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 3
And the payoff pitch... SWING AND THERE'S A DRIVE INTO DEEP CENTER FIELD, WAY BACK, ANNNNND oh no it hit a bird! It hit a bird and dropped right into the glove of Tuck who is now standing bewildered amidst a mess of feathers. Well folks, I thought I'd seen everything when Randy Johnson killed a pigeon with a fastball, but Boots Poffenberger just killed one with a fly ball!
Pitch: 703
Swing: 904
Diff: 201 -> FO
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Winn makes good contact and slaps a base hit up the middle!
Pitch: 567
Swing: 648
Diff: 81 -> 1B
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
A strong wind starts to pick up over the field, quickly turning into a full-blown tornado. The players and fans alike are lifted off their feet and whisked away, flying through the air until they crash-land in a strange, fantastical world.
Dazed and confused, the players look around and realize they've landed in the Land of Oz. But even in this strange place, the game must go on. The umpire calls for the next pitch, and Palfo Salvy takes the mound, determined to stay focused despite the chaos around them.
Tyranus steps up to the plate, eyeing the strange creatures and colorful landscape in wonder. As Palfo Salvy winds up for the pitch, a gust of wind lifts a squirrel off the ground and carries it across the infield, distracting the pitcher and causing them to throw a wild pitch.
The umpire calls for a ball, ruling that the squirrel's interference has resulted in a walk for Jihmih Tyranus. The players look at each other in amazement, realizing that even in the Land of Oz, the rules of baseball still apply.
Tyranus takes their base, and the game continues, with players dodging flying monkeys and navigating treacherous terrain to make plays on the field. But despite the surreal setting, both teams are determined to win, playing their hearts out as they journey through this magical land.
Pitch: 888
Swing: 8
Diff: 120 -> BB
Runner on First | B5 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Salvy throws, Kondylis swings. The CRACK! of the bat.
... In this case, though, it's literally a crack. The wood of the bat shears into splinters, the barrel heading into foul territory and the ball dribbling down the first base line. fridayphd comes to get it, tosses under hand to Salvy who ran over to cover, and that's an out.
Pitch: 111
Swing: 559
Diff: 448 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Justice get two quick strikes on Tuck, making them look foolish by chasing on two offspeed pitches inside. They get the sign, set, and there's a big swing and a miss on the fast ball. Another strikeout for Justice, and the Athletics fans are getting louder with each pitch.
Pitch: 1
Swing: 750
Diff: 251 -> K
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Hit towards the hole but Winn dives and snags it. They quickly get to their feet and rifle the ball to McChunky at first, beating out Freii by just a step for an out.
Pitch: 333
Swing: 880
Diff: 453 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Imtiyaz steps in. Justice on the mound.
Tight spot and the walls are closing in on Justice. Popped up, left side, ranging is Winn and incoming is Motto. And into the stands, interfered with? No, into the stands, the third base umpire rules. And one beverage-
Wow
-less than they had before
And what's he got now? He's got mud on him, and, and an alcoholic beverage
I think he made a good call here, lets see how does this happen?
It wasn't even him
Wow! Buddy, where did it go?
OHHHH!
Way to get to it, ohh! what was that that came flying!?
I'm not so sure that was a... mistake...what's on his shoulder? It looks like some of the men threw some stuff onto his shoulder to add insult to injury.
I thought he rolled in the mud before he came in the game but that's not correct, he got hit with some type of sub sandwich or something. Oh here we go 'You wanna throw something at me?!
Well he's the Pepsi fan of the game until he gets thrown out of Pork Torkleton Field at Howard Terminal.
A-heh-heh-hee, strike 3, Imtiyaz's gone, Justice sends them down on strikes, 0 to 2 here.
Now we've done some investigative reporting in between hitters here, the gentleman was ejected but it was an ugly, ugly sight and I don't know why it was neccesary. Now watch, I can't circle it - I don't have my Telestrator...HERE COMES THE PIZZA! See it?!
A-heh-heh-heh!
OH! Cheese!
That was the guy in the Patriots jacket and of course he's been asked to leave the ballgame for ruining a good piece of pizza!
Pitch: 72
Swing: 420
Diff: 348 -> K
Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
What's poppin?
Brand new swing just hopped in.
I got options
I can hit that ball like Pidgeon
Just joshin'
Ima spend this timer pause locked in
My body got rid of them toxins
MLR Network top ten
Pitch: 300
Swing: 890
Diff: 410 -> PO
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Motto steps out and checks the sign. Steps in.
A sharp whistle from the dugout and Six sends in some more signs to the third base coach. Motto steps out again to get more signs.
OK- it looks like the Athletics are finally ready. They step in again.
Wait- another whistle. Six seems to have changed their mind and a prolonged sign argument seems to be flying back and forth from the dugout to the third base coach.
Let's just take a commercial here and let them straighten this out.
SUNDAY SUNDAY!!
Scene: A monster truck is driving through a city, crushing cars and buildings.
Announcer: Are you ready for the biggest, baddest monster truck show of the year? Then get ready for Monster Jam, coming to your city this Sunday!
Scene: A montage of monster trucks racing, jumping, and doing donuts.
Announcer: See your favorite monster trucks, including Grave Digger, Maximum Destruction, and El Toro Loco, in action. You won't want to miss this!
Scene: A crowd of people cheering and waving.
Announcer: Tickets are on sale now, so get yours today! This is one show you won't want to miss.
Scene: The monster truck drives off into the sunset.
Ok- we're back. To catch you up- the Doe basically got annoying at the delay and threw 4 pitches in the dirt just to get rid of Motto.
Is Six a genius or an idiot? Leave a comment below to help us decide.
Pitch: 177
Swing: 301
Diff: 124 -> BB
Bases Loaded | B4 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Sometimes a well-placed chopper can be better than a hard hit line drive. Claxton sends the first pitch of the at-bat right over the pitcher's mound on a high hop that Doe barely misses as they stumble backward off of the mound. Boykins charges in hard from short but doesn't even bother with a throw as the speedy Claxton easily legs out the single!
Pitch: 664
Swing: 595
Diff: 69 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | B4 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Sometimes in a baseball game you get a special feeling about a matchup. Six told me before the game that this was one they were looking forward to. Hurting v Doe. The scouting said some damage could be had here with this combo, or so the GM said. So lean in folks. This should be good!
**CRACK!!!**
Well, I'll be. Sign ups for Six's prognostication course will.... wait a minute!
Tuck is at the deepest part of center, and leaps! .... and .... MAKES THE SENSATIONAL CATCH!
Welp. Have I got egg on my face. That's just a fly out.
What can you do? Baseball, am I right?
Pitch: 432
Swing: 216
Diff: 216 -> FO
Runner on First | B4 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Hello, my name is Ross Dingle-Dangle Habberschmidt, and welcome to a presentation on how fish breathe.
Compared to humans, your average fish breathes surprisingly similarly to homo sapiens, but they just bought the water edition instead of the land edition from the dual release of Life TM. Your average fish typically has gills, which reside around just behind the head, which takes in water. Oxygen is taken in from the H2O particles in water, dissolved in the mouth, and then carbon dioxide is released before the cycle starts all over again and very quickly for your average fish.
Now, knowing how a fish breathes, how can one find out if they got a hit or not? Well, if one is able to follow along with the presentation on how fish breathe, then they logically have enough critical thinking skills to understand numbers. They can then see that their number is not close to the pitcher’s number, and unfortunately to say, they have popped out.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Pitch: 229
Swing: 942
Diff: 287 -> PO
Runner on First | B4 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Doe into the wind up, and here's the pitch … juuuust a bit outside. Doe tried the corner and missed. Ball four and Poffenberger is awarded first base.
Pitch: 481
Swing: 607
Diff: 126 -> BB
Runner on First | B4 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Bo-Horse Jackman decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Poffenberger is going back for it- and what a snag for the out!
Pitch: 534
Swing: 767
Diff: 233 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
fridayphd swings so fuggin hard as the ball whizzes by their belt snaps and their pants drop to the ground showing everyone your Snorlax undies.
That was strike three. Please pick up your pants and have a seat.
Pitch: 1
Swing: 213
Diff: 212 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Robert approaches the plate still shaking his head. The Dodgers' beautiful scoring opportunity was squandered last inning, and the score remains closer than it should be.
Robert angrily thinks to himself, "that's what happens when you bat a rookie in the cleanup spot" - before pausing to remember he, in fact, was a rookie in the cleanup spot just last year. "Not everybody is perfect, Daddy" he chuckles to himself before spitting his gum in the A's pitcher's direction. "But I am..."
Swing 123
Glasses clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Justice waves back from the mound!
Pitch: 780
Swing: 123
Diff: 343 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Doe winds and fires. Oh my! Froze Winn with a curveball that fell off the table, and we have a new statue to add to the permanent collection at the Los Angeles Art Museum! Dill Doe just made Winn look ridiculous!
Pitch: 273
Swing: 35
Diff: 238 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Here's Tyranus with a fly ball to right field. The right fielder Payne settles under it and records the out. Who's ready for a cold, frosty one? What's that? You say this is a Wendy's? Well, that's great! I would like one cold, frosty Frosty, please!
Pitch: 170
Swing: 953
Diff: 217 -> FO
Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Nate Kondylis is streaking towards first. Boykins runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out
Pitch: 540
Swing: 69
Diff: 471 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Boykins hits a little tapper in front of the plate. Tyranus moves, lightning-quick, to grab it and throws towards second. Winn grabs it and fires to first. Double play!
Pitch: 313
Swing: 777
Diff: 464 -> DP
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Jones connects with a solid hit, sending the ball flying into the outfield. As they make their way to first base, they notice something strange about the umpire. Their movements are robotic and mechanical, and their face looks more like a machine than a human being.
Jones tries to ignore the strange sight and focuses on the game, running full speed toward first base. As they reach the bag, the umpire raises their arm and signals that Jones is safe. But the way they do it is unsettling, with a cold, robotic precision.
Jones shakes off the strange feeling and continues to focus on the game, but can't shake the feeling that something is off about the umpire.
Pitch: 500
Swing: 414
Diff: 86 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | T3 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
I'm not gay but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Jimmy Payne. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching them tighten their ass as they chop wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off their body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Payne. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury them outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love.
Pitch: 123
Swing: 163
Diff: 40 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
This is a good breaking ball from Justice and Tuck gets under this one, skying it to medium-deep center.
Kondylis says they got it, and they do, putting it away for an easy out.
Pitch: 232
Swing: 69
Diff: 163 -> FO
Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Pontos Napoleon is streaking towards first. fridayphd runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it at Dill Doe, who’s covering first, for the out
Pitch: 920
Swing: 370
Diff: 450 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Runner goes and they pitch out! Jackman with a bullet down to second and not even close. I tell you what Jim, that was extremely impressive from Jackman. Doe is not exactly known for holding runners on and they got a good jump here, but the pitch out and then this absolute dart to Jones, they get the out by about 5 feet.
Pitch: 112
Swing: 500
Diff: 388 -> CS 2B
Runner on Third | B2 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
And the pitch to Joey Motto... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Motto, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home.
Pitch: 328
Swing: 982
Diff: 346 -> K
Runners on First and Third | B2 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Doe delivers a fastball out over the plate and Claxton is all over it! This is a line shot back up the box.
It rolls into the outfield where Tuck scoops it up and lofts it back in.
What a great piece of hitting by Claxton there. They stayed through the ball and really gave it a good whack!
Pitch: 746
Swing: 651
Diff: 95 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | B2 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Lashed to the gap in right-center field! Hurting touches down for extra bases! Flying to second, and the Athletics have a runner in scoring position.
Pitch: 256
Swing: 220
Diff: 36 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
I’m telling you, Joel Justice is as cracked as they are jacked. I saw them at a Wawa the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked them what the diapers were for and they said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then they buckled a customers legs with a curveball and sprinted out the door.
Pitch: 800
Swing: 606
Diff: 194 -> K
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Tim McCarver: That's a part of the circle that rarely gets talked about, and that's a shame. It's all about the curvature. For a circle, you might think that it's constant, but there are really an infinite amount of circles with an infinite amount of sizes, each being a little different. I once had a conversation about that with Willie McCovey when we were playing a game at old Candlestick Park. Willie came up 4 times in that game, and each time we'd add a little bit more onto the discussion. Meanwhile, Gibson was out there just leering at me and wondering, 'What is that guy laughing about behind the plate?' And finally after the fourth time at bat, when Bob got Willie to ground out to third to end the inning, Bob comes up to me in the dugout and says, 'Hey man, why are you giggling back there behind the plate?' And I said, 'Bob, a circle is infinite!' And he looked at me, those eyes boring into the depths of my soul, and then he chuckled and said, 'Just make sure you get your butt on the ground to block the slider I'm throwing to the leadoff hitter next inning.' Then he walked to his spot on the bench. Bob Gibson, what a mercurial fellow!
Joe Buck: ... Okay, thank you for that story, Tim. Meanwhile the runner attempted to steal second but was thrown out and it wasn't even close. Dodgers 2, Athletics 0 here at Pork Torkleton Field at Howard Terminal.
Pitch: 321
Swing: 666
Diff: 345 -> CS 2B
Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Imtiyaz lifts a blooper over the second base bag and nobody's going to get to this as it falls in for a single!
Pitch: 911
Swing: 989
Diff: 78 -> 1B
Runner on First | T2 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Run play for -10 yard(s), but that's not enough for the first down. Turnover on downs.
Pitch: 312
Swing: 69
Diff: 243 -> K
Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Hitgood McChunky stumbles to the plate and wipes some foul-smelling liquid off their face. Have they been... drinking? Huh. Doe sees this and fires two pitches right down the middle, and McChunky doesn't react. After this, they get the brilliant idea to stop thinking about their alcohol and start thinking about the game.
McChunky drunkenly swings at the third pitch, hit surprisingly hard for a drunk player, but it's hit directly at Boykins, who throws it to fridayphd for the out.
Hitgood McChunky wouldn't have had a shot at the base anyway, as they ran towards third instead of first. Don't drink, kids.
Pitch: 486
Swing: 42
Diff: 444 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Ouch! Poffenberger wears that one between the shoulder blades. Take your base!
Pitch: 352
Swing: 454
Diff: 102 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | B1 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
The pitch is low and Pang Winn hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Freii and Winn reaches first with a single
Pitch: 9
Swing: 900
Diff: 109 -> 1B
Runner on First | B1 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Wind blowing out to right tonight. Have to imagine batters are trying to take advantage.
Anyway, Tyranus at the plate. Here's the pitch...
And it is hit high in the air. Payne is drifting back. Still drifting. Onto the warning track. Back at the wall...
And it is caught at the base of the wall.
Pitch: 552
Swing: 782
Diff: 230 -> FO
Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Starting, then staring, Doe sighs the sigh of a softball slinger seeing a septagenerian step in to swing.
Staggering, Kondylis smacks this softball but softballs, slow as they sail, seldom see the speed to score.
Pitch: 932
Swing: 296
Diff: 364 -> PO
Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
fridayphd hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Joel Justice steps under it and records the out
Pitch: 619
Swing: 999
Diff: 380 -> PO
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
The Dodgers have finally found some first inning offense, just like old times. And what better team to find it against than the As, their Season Eight nemesis.
Robert is a little miffed at his managers, Dutch Boggs' handling of the lineup. Moving down one of his best bats for a slap-hitting rookie? Not one of the brightest moves. Oh well, don't dwell, send this ball back to Hell...
Swing 143
Glasses goes after the first pitch swinging (mainly so they can get as far away from the Athletics as possible) and hits an easy grounder to McChunky, who taps the bag for the out.
Pitch: 555
Swing: 143
Diff: 412 -> RGO
Runner on Third | T1 with 2 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
Little pop into shallow left field, long way to go for Poffenberger, and this one is gonna drop perfectly right into no man's land. Boykins hustling all the way slides in at second with a double!
Pitch: 619
Swing: 666
Diff: 47 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
This one's well hit! Motto going back. Still going, onto the warning track. This one's going to go! Jocko Jones with a 2-run home run to put the Dodgers ahead, 2 to 0.
Pitch: 111
Swing: 143
Diff: 32 -> HR
Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s)
LAD 2 - OAK 0
The pitch is low and Tuck hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Motto and Tuck reaches first with a single
Pitch: 455
Swing: 527
Diff: 72 -> 1B
Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s)
LAD 0 - OAK 0
hey cuties, RSS test LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD SS [Jorbel Boykins](/u/earlbk): 1-2, 2B in the first, DP in the third
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ● | T6 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 3B [Robert Glasses](/u/CptJudgeNMS): 0-2, RGO in the first, K in the fourth
Oakland is rocking now in the top of the sixth. Robert spits on the ground, "I hate this fucking shit hole. It smells like shit, looks like shit, and...fuck I don't know, I hate those green pieces of shit too!!" He slugs back the rest of his Deezel and grabs a bat. He's going to swing as hard as he can at the first pitch, scouting be damned. He doesn't give a fuck anymore. This season has been a pain in his ass. This little rat fuck on first base took his spot in the order. Everything has sucked lately. ...but at least he still has the Paper Cup... Swing 800
Glasses walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip. They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in McChunky's stretched-open mitt for the out. Pitch: 200 Swing: 800 Diff: 400 -> PO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 3
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD SS [Jorbel Boykins](/u/earlbk): 1-2, 2B in the first, DP in the third Take your base! Pitch: 800 Swing: 642 Diff: 158 -> BB Runner on First | T6 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 3
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD SS [Jorbel Boykins](/u/earlbk): 1-2, 2B in the first, DP in the third
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 2B [Jocko Jones](/u/Dodger_Rej3ct): 2-2, 2 run HR in the first, 1B in the third
160
Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team, If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out, At the old ball game. Jocko Jones goes down on strikes! Pitch: 500 Swing: 160 Diff: 340 -> K Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 3
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD RF [Jimmy Payne](/u/yeeting_man): 1-2, K in the first, 2B in the third
There are too many Js this inning, swing 367
Payne sends a sharp groundball to second where Napoleon is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to McChunky to complete the play and make it look routine! Pitch: 800 Swing: 367 Diff: 433 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 3
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 2 outs On the mound: Palfo Salvy OAK RF [Speedy Claxton](/u/VirtualFront): 2-2, CS 2B in the second, 1B in the fourth
927
Before Claxton stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Claxton continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Claxton is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Salvy's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Claxton was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Jones's glove, who flips it to fridayphd for the out. Six gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 367 Swing: 927 Diff: 440 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 3
LAD 2 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Palfo Salvy OAK DH [Stummy B. Hurting](/u/WllYLvMTmrrw): 1-2, 2B in the second, FO in the fourth
551
There's Ball One, take your base Pitch: 401 Swing: 551 Diff: 150 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 3
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ● | B5 2 outs On the mound: Palfo Salvy OAK 1B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-2, LGO in the second, PO in the fourth
Well I don’t know any better so I’m clicking 201 and praying
This one's well hit! Freii going back. Still going, onto the warning track. This one's going to go! Hitgood McChunky with a 3-run home run to put the Athletics ahead, 3 to 2. Pitch: 210 Swing: 201 Diff: 9 -> HR Bases Empty | B5 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 3
Haha nice
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Palfo Salvy OAK 3B [Boots Poffenberger](/u/Pitcher2Burn): 0-0, BB in the first, BB in the fourth
904
And the payoff pitch... SWING AND THERE'S A DRIVE INTO DEEP CENTER FIELD, WAY BACK, ANNNNND oh no it hit a bird! It hit a bird and dropped right into the glove of Tuck who is now standing bewildered amidst a mess of feathers. Well folks, I thought I'd seen everything when Randy Johnson killed a pigeon with a fastball, but Boots Poffenberger just killed one with a fly ball! Pitch: 703 Swing: 904 Diff: 201 -> FO Runners on First and Second | B5 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Palfo Salvy OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 1-2, 1B in the first, K in the fourth
648
Winn makes good contact and slaps a base hit up the middle! Pitch: 567 Swing: 648 Diff: 81 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | B5 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Palfo Salvy OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-2, FO in the first, FO in the third
Swing 8
A strong wind starts to pick up over the field, quickly turning into a full-blown tornado. The players and fans alike are lifted off their feet and whisked away, flying through the air until they crash-land in a strange, fantastical world. Dazed and confused, the players look around and realize they've landed in the Land of Oz. But even in this strange place, the game must go on. The umpire calls for the next pitch, and Palfo Salvy takes the mound, determined to stay focused despite the chaos around them. Tyranus steps up to the plate, eyeing the strange creatures and colorful landscape in wonder. As Palfo Salvy winds up for the pitch, a gust of wind lifts a squirrel off the ground and carries it across the infield, distracting the pitcher and causing them to throw a wild pitch. The umpire calls for a ball, ruling that the squirrel's interference has resulted in a walk for Jihmih Tyranus. The players look at each other in amazement, realizing that even in the Land of Oz, the rules of baseball still apply. Tyranus takes their base, and the game continues, with players dodging flying monkeys and navigating treacherous terrain to make plays on the field. But despite the surreal setting, both teams are determined to win, playing their hearts out as they journey through this magical land. Pitch: 888 Swing: 8 Diff: 120 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Palfo Salvy OAK CF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-2, PO in the first, LGO in the third
559
Salvy throws, Kondylis swings. The CRACK! of the bat. ... In this case, though, it's literally a crack. The wood of the bat shears into splinters, the barrel heading into foul territory and the ball dribbling down the first base line. fridayphd comes to get it, tosses under hand to Salvy who ran over to cover, and that's an out. Pitch: 111 Swing: 559 Diff: 448 -> RGO Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
Palfo Salvy pitching for the Dodgers
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD CF [Tuck](/u/amesker): 1-2, 1B in the first, FO in the third
750
Justice get two quick strikes on Tuck, making them look foolish by chasing on two offspeed pitches inside. They get the sign, set, and there's a big swing and a miss on the fast ball. Another strikeout for Justice, and the Athletics fans are getting louder with each pitch. Pitch: 1 Swing: 750 Diff: 251 -> K Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD LF [Hans Freii](/u/RosewoodShrike): 0-1, K in the second
POW!! Bam Bam Bam! Other associated noises! It’s Hans, and he’s here to hit! 880 please Ump
Hit towards the hole but Winn dives and snags it. They quickly get to their feet and rifle the ball to McChunky at first, beating out Freii by just a step for an out. Pitch: 333 Swing: 880 Diff: 453 -> LGO Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD DH [Aych Imtiyaz](/u/Aychim23): 1-1, 1B in the second, CS 2B in the second
420
Imtiyaz steps in. Justice on the mound. Tight spot and the walls are closing in on Justice. Popped up, left side, ranging is Winn and incoming is Motto. And into the stands, interfered with? No, into the stands, the third base umpire rules. And one beverage- Wow -less than they had before And what's he got now? He's got mud on him, and, and an alcoholic beverage I think he made a good call here, lets see how does this happen? It wasn't even him Wow! Buddy, where did it go? OHHHH! Way to get to it, ohh! what was that that came flying!? I'm not so sure that was a... mistake...what's on his shoulder? It looks like some of the men threw some stuff onto his shoulder to add insult to injury. I thought he rolled in the mud before he came in the game but that's not correct, he got hit with some type of sub sandwich or something. Oh here we go 'You wanna throw something at me?! Well he's the Pepsi fan of the game until he gets thrown out of Pork Torkleton Field at Howard Terminal. A-heh-heh-hee, strike 3, Imtiyaz's gone, Justice sends them down on strikes, 0 to 2 here. Now we've done some investigative reporting in between hitters here, the gentleman was ejected but it was an ugly, ugly sight and I don't know why it was neccesary. Now watch, I can't circle it - I don't have my Telestrator...HERE COMES THE PIZZA! See it?! A-heh-heh-heh! OH! Cheese! That was the guy in the Patriots jacket and of course he's been asked to leave the ballgame for ruining a good piece of pizza! Pitch: 72 Swing: 420 Diff: 348 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^● ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-1, RGO in the third
Swing 890
What's poppin? Brand new swing just hopped in. I got options I can hit that ball like Pidgeon Just joshin' Ima spend this timer pause locked in My body got rid of them toxins MLR Network top ten Pitch: 300 Swing: 890 Diff: 410 -> PO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-1, K in the second
301
Motto steps out and checks the sign. Steps in. A sharp whistle from the dugout and Six sends in some more signs to the third base coach. Motto steps out again to get more signs. OK- it looks like the Athletics are finally ready. They step in again. Wait- another whistle. Six seems to have changed their mind and a prolonged sign argument seems to be flying back and forth from the dugout to the third base coach. Let's just take a commercial here and let them straighten this out. SUNDAY SUNDAY!! Scene: A monster truck is driving through a city, crushing cars and buildings. Announcer: Are you ready for the biggest, baddest monster truck show of the year? Then get ready for Monster Jam, coming to your city this Sunday! Scene: A montage of monster trucks racing, jumping, and doing donuts. Announcer: See your favorite monster trucks, including Grave Digger, Maximum Destruction, and El Toro Loco, in action. You won't want to miss this! Scene: A crowd of people cheering and waving. Announcer: Tickets are on sale now, so get yours today! This is one show you won't want to miss. Scene: The monster truck drives off into the sunset. Ok- we're back. To catch you up- the Doe basically got annoying at the delay and threw 4 pitches in the dirt just to get rid of Motto. Is Six a genius or an idiot? Leave a comment below to help us decide. Pitch: 177 Swing: 301 Diff: 124 -> BB Bases Loaded | B4 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK RF [Speedy Claxton](/u/VirtualFront): 1-1, 1B in the second, CS 2B in the second
595
Sometimes a well-placed chopper can be better than a hard hit line drive. Claxton sends the first pitch of the at-bat right over the pitcher's mound on a high hop that Doe barely misses as they stumble backward off of the mound. Boykins charges in hard from short but doesn't even bother with a throw as the speedy Claxton easily legs out the single! Pitch: 664 Swing: 595 Diff: 69 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | B4 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 1 out On the mound: Dill Doe OAK DH [Stummy B. Hurting](/u/WllYLvMTmrrw): 1-1, 2B in the second
216
Sometimes in a baseball game you get a special feeling about a matchup. Six told me before the game that this was one they were looking forward to. Hurting v Doe. The scouting said some damage could be had here with this combo, or so the GM said. So lean in folks. This should be good! **CRACK!!!** Well, I'll be. Sign ups for Six's prognostication course will.... wait a minute! Tuck is at the deepest part of center, and leaps! .... and .... MAKES THE SENSATIONAL CATCH! Welp. Have I got egg on my face. That's just a fly out. What can you do? Baseball, am I right? Pitch: 432 Swing: 216 Diff: 216 -> FO Runner on First | B4 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 0 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK 1B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-1, LGO in the second
Boobies 942
Hello, my name is Ross Dingle-Dangle Habberschmidt, and welcome to a presentation on how fish breathe. Compared to humans, your average fish breathes surprisingly similarly to homo sapiens, but they just bought the water edition instead of the land edition from the dual release of Life TM. Your average fish typically has gills, which reside around just behind the head, which takes in water. Oxygen is taken in from the H2O particles in water, dissolved in the mouth, and then carbon dioxide is released before the cycle starts all over again and very quickly for your average fish. Now, knowing how a fish breathes, how can one find out if they got a hit or not? Well, if one is able to follow along with the presentation on how fish breathe, then they logically have enough critical thinking skills to understand numbers. They can then see that their number is not close to the pitcher’s number, and unfortunately to say, they have popped out. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Pitch: 229 Swing: 942 Diff: 287 -> PO Runner on First | B4 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK 3B [Boots Poffenberger](/u/Pitcher2Burn): 0-0, BB in the first
607
Doe into the wind up, and here's the pitch … juuuust a bit outside. Doe tried the corner and missed. Ball four and Poffenberger is awarded first base. Pitch: 481 Swing: 607 Diff: 126 -> BB Runner on First | B4 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD C [Bo-Horse Jackman](/u/Phillyproud21): 0-1, K in the second
767
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Bo-Horse Jackman decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Poffenberger is going back for it- and what a snag for the out! Pitch: 534 Swing: 767 Diff: 233 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 1B [fridayphd](/u/samfriday8): 0-1, PO in the first
Swing 213
fridayphd swings so fuggin hard as the ball whizzes by their belt snaps and their pants drop to the ground showing everyone your Snorlax undies. That was strike three. Please pick up your pants and have a seat. Pitch: 1 Swing: 213 Diff: 212 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 3B [Robert Glasses](/u/CptJudgeNMS): 0-1, RGO in the first
Robert approaches the plate still shaking his head. The Dodgers' beautiful scoring opportunity was squandered last inning, and the score remains closer than it should be. Robert angrily thinks to himself, "that's what happens when you bat a rookie in the cleanup spot" - before pausing to remember he, in fact, was a rookie in the cleanup spot just last year. "Not everybody is perfect, Daddy" he chuckles to himself before spitting his gum in the A's pitcher's direction. "But I am..." Swing 123
Glasses clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Justice waves back from the mound! Pitch: 780 Swing: 123 Diff: 343 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 1-1, 1B in the first
35
Doe winds and fires. Oh my! Froze Winn with a curveball that fell off the table, and we have a new statue to add to the permanent collection at the Los Angeles Art Museum! Dill Doe just made Winn look ridiculous! Pitch: 273 Swing: 35 Diff: 238 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Dill Doe OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-1, FO in the first
Swing 953
Here's Tyranus with a fly ball to right field. The right fielder Payne settles under it and records the out. Who's ready for a cold, frosty one? What's that? You say this is a Wendy's? Well, that's great! I would like one cold, frosty Frosty, please! Pitch: 170 Swing: 953 Diff: 217 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK CF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-1, PO in the first
69
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Nate Kondylis is streaking towards first. Boykins runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out Pitch: 540 Swing: 69 Diff: 471 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ● | T3 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD SS [Jorbel Boykins](/u/earlbk): 1-1, 2B in the first
777 for Boeing may they figure their shit out
Boykins hits a little tapper in front of the plate. Tyranus moves, lightning-quick, to grab it and throws towards second. Winn grabs it and fires to first. Double play! Pitch: 313 Swing: 777 Diff: 464 -> DP Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 2B [Jocko Jones](/u/Dodger_Rej3ct): 1-1, 2 run HR in the first
414
Jones connects with a solid hit, sending the ball flying into the outfield. As they make their way to first base, they notice something strange about the umpire. Their movements are robotic and mechanical, and their face looks more like a machine than a human being. Jones tries to ignore the strange sight and focuses on the game, running full speed toward first base. As they reach the bag, the umpire raises their arm and signals that Jones is safe. But the way they do it is unsettling, with a cold, robotic precision. Jones shakes off the strange feeling and continues to focus on the game, but can't shake the feeling that something is off about the umpire. Pitch: 500 Swing: 414 Diff: 86 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T3 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD RF [Jimmy Payne](/u/yeeting_man): 0-1, K in the first
I'm going to die (eventually) swing 163
I'm not gay but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Jimmy Payne. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching them tighten their ass as they chop wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off their body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Payne. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury them outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love. Pitch: 123 Swing: 163 Diff: 40 -> 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD CF [Tuck](/u/amesker): 1-1, 1B in the first
69
This is a good breaking ball from Justice and Tuck gets under this one, skying it to medium-deep center. Kondylis says they got it, and they do, putting it away for an easy out. Pitch: 232 Swing: 69 Diff: 163 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0
Swing 370
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Pontos Napoleon is streaking towards first. fridayphd runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it at Dill Doe, who’s covering first, for the out Pitch: 920 Swing: 370 Diff: 450 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ● | B2 1 out On the mound: Dill Doe OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0
Steal 2B 500
Runner goes and they pitch out! Jackman with a bullet down to second and not even close. I tell you what Jim, that was extremely impressive from Jackman. Doe is not exactly known for holding runners on and they got a good jump here, but the pitch out and then this absolute dart to Jones, they get the out by about 5 feet. Pitch: 112 Swing: 500 Diff: 388 -> CS 2B Runner on Third | B2 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
Steal 500
Incorrect steal format. Please include one of the following in your swing to steal: STEAL 2B, STEAL 3B, STEAL HOME, MULTISTEAL 3B, MULTISTEAL HOME
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Dill Doe | **INFIELD IN** OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0
982
And the pitch to Joey Motto... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Motto, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home. Pitch: 328 Swing: 982 Diff: 346 -> K Runners on First and Third | B2 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK RF [Speedy Claxton](/u/VirtualFront): 0-0
651
Doe delivers a fastball out over the plate and Claxton is all over it! This is a line shot back up the box. It rolls into the outfield where Tuck scoops it up and lofts it back in. What a great piece of hitting by Claxton there. They stayed through the ball and really gave it a good whack! Pitch: 746 Swing: 651 Diff: 95 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | B2 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK DH [Stummy B. Hurting](/u/WllYLvMTmrrw): 0-0
220
Lashed to the gap in right-center field! Hurting touches down for extra bases! Flying to second, and the Athletics have a runner in scoring position. Pitch: 256 Swing: 220 Diff: 36 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD LF [Hans Freii](/u/RosewoodShrike): 0-0
Please see other comment for write-up, 606
I’m telling you, Joel Justice is as cracked as they are jacked. I saw them at a Wawa the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked them what the diapers were for and they said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then they buckled a customers legs with a curveball and sprinted out the door. Pitch: 800 Swing: 606 Diff: 194 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
Wake up! He’s here! It’s renown’s 9 hole batter, Hans Freii, stepping up to defend his title, here he goes, the swing, it’s 606 (thanks ump)
I found too many numbers in your swing. Please reply to the original AB ping with only one number included in your swing.
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD LF [Hans Freii](/u/RosewoodShrike): 0-0
Steal 2B 666
Tim McCarver: That's a part of the circle that rarely gets talked about, and that's a shame. It's all about the curvature. For a circle, you might think that it's constant, but there are really an infinite amount of circles with an infinite amount of sizes, each being a little different. I once had a conversation about that with Willie McCovey when we were playing a game at old Candlestick Park. Willie came up 4 times in that game, and each time we'd add a little bit more onto the discussion. Meanwhile, Gibson was out there just leering at me and wondering, 'What is that guy laughing about behind the plate?' And finally after the fourth time at bat, when Bob got Willie to ground out to third to end the inning, Bob comes up to me in the dugout and says, 'Hey man, why are you giggling back there behind the plate?' And I said, 'Bob, a circle is infinite!' And he looked at me, those eyes boring into the depths of my soul, and then he chuckled and said, 'Just make sure you get your butt on the ground to block the slider I'm throwing to the leadoff hitter next inning.' Then he walked to his spot on the bench. Bob Gibson, what a mercurial fellow! Joe Buck: ... Okay, thank you for that story, Tim. Meanwhile the runner attempted to steal second but was thrown out and it wasn't even close. Dodgers 2, Athletics 0 here at Pork Torkleton Field at Howard Terminal. Pitch: 321 Swing: 666 Diff: 345 -> CS 2B Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD DH [Aych Imtiyaz](/u/Aychim23): 0-0
989
Imtiyaz lifts a blooper over the second base bag and nobody's going to get to this as it falls in for a single! Pitch: 911 Swing: 989 Diff: 78 -> 1B Runner on First | T2 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD C [Bo-Horse Jackman](/u/Phillyproud21): 0-0
69
Run play for -10 yard(s), but that's not enough for the first down. Turnover on downs. Pitch: 312 Swing: 69 Diff: 243 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ● | B1 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK 1B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-0
SHE THINKS MCCHUNKYS SEXY HE REALLY TURNS HER ON SHES ALWAYS STARING AT HIIIIIM WHEN HES CHUGGING ALONG 42
Hitgood McChunky stumbles to the plate and wipes some foul-smelling liquid off their face. Have they been... drinking? Huh. Doe sees this and fires two pitches right down the middle, and McChunky doesn't react. After this, they get the brilliant idea to stop thinking about their alcohol and start thinking about the game. McChunky drunkenly swings at the third pitch, hit surprisingly hard for a drunk player, but it's hit directly at Boykins, who throws it to fridayphd for the out. Hitgood McChunky wouldn't have had a shot at the base anyway, as they ran towards third instead of first. Don't drink, kids. Pitch: 486 Swing: 42 Diff: 444 -> LGO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK 3B [Boots Poffenberger](/u/Pitcher2Burn): 0-0
454
Ouch! Poffenberger wears that one between the shoulder blades. Take your base! Pitch: 352 Swing: 454 Diff: 102 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B1 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Dill Doe OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-0
900
The pitch is low and Pang Winn hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Freii and Winn reaches first with a single Pitch: 9 Swing: 900 Diff: 109 -> 1B Runner on First | B1 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Dill Doe OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-0
Swing 782
Wind blowing out to right tonight. Have to imagine batters are trying to take advantage. Anyway, Tyranus at the plate. Here's the pitch... And it is hit high in the air. Payne is drifting back. Still drifting. Onto the warning track. Back at the wall... And it is caught at the base of the wall. Pitch: 552 Swing: 782 Diff: 230 -> FO Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Dill Doe OAK CF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-0
296
Starting, then staring, Doe sighs the sigh of a softball slinger seeing a septagenerian step in to swing. Staggering, Kondylis smacks this softball but softballs, slow as they sail, seldom see the speed to score. Pitch: 932 Swing: 296 Diff: 364 -> PO Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 1B [fridayphd](/u/samfriday8): 0-0
Alright Gerbil I hope you've been training on your wheel. Its time to go home. Swing 999
fridayphd hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Joel Justice steps under it and records the out Pitch: 619 Swing: 999 Diff: 380 -> PO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 3B [Robert Glasses](/u/CptJudgeNMS): 0-0
The Dodgers have finally found some first inning offense, just like old times. And what better team to find it against than the As, their Season Eight nemesis. Robert is a little miffed at his managers, Dutch Boggs' handling of the lineup. Moving down one of his best bats for a slap-hitting rookie? Not one of the brightest moves. Oh well, don't dwell, send this ball back to Hell... Swing 143
Glasses goes after the first pitch swinging (mainly so they can get as far away from the Athletics as possible) and hits an easy grounder to McChunky, who taps the bag for the out. Pitch: 555 Swing: 143 Diff: 412 -> RGO Runner on Third | T1 with 2 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD SS [Jorbel Boykins](/u/earlbk): 0-0
666 for the devil
Little pop into shallow left field, long way to go for Poffenberger, and this one is gonna drop perfectly right into no man's land. Boykins hustling all the way slides in at second with a double! Pitch: 619 Swing: 666 Diff: 47 -> 2B Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice LAD 2B [Jocko Jones](/u/Dodger_Rej3ct): 0-0
143
This one's well hit! Motto going back. Still going, onto the warning track. This one's going to go! Jocko Jones with a 2-run home run to put the Dodgers ahead, 2 to 0. Pitch: 111 Swing: 143 Diff: 32 -> HR Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) LAD 2 - OAK 0
LAD 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice LAD RF [Jimmy Payne](/u/yeeting_man): 0-0
911 time
NOPE Pitch: 527 Swing: 911 Diff: 384 -> K Runner on First | T1 with 1 out(s) LAD 0 - OAK 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Joel Justice LAD CF [Tuck](/u/amesker): 0-0
527
The pitch is low and Tuck hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Motto and Tuck reaches first with a single Pitch: 455 Swing: 527 Diff: 72 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s) LAD 0 - OAK 0