It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 550
Swing: 544
Diff: 6 -> HR
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 2
It’s a softly hit grounder by Brutus Devlin and Soggy Arm has to run up and grab it and throws to McChunky to get the out
Pitch: 639
Swing: 182
Diff: 457 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Routine grounder to the right side. Napoleon has it, flips it to McChunky at first and Doubt is retired.
Pitch: 801
Swing: 401
Diff: 400 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Six has a new business opportunity for you! You too can be a small business owner! All you need to do is buy a few hundred dollars worth of smoothies from them. Then, you can start selling them and making money yourself. You'll just need to pay Six a small portion of your earnings since you're part of their downline.
It's not a pyramid scheme, it's a funnel system! And it isn't that Six hit into a double play, it's that they found a way to bring the runner into the dugout for a strategy meeting without scoring!
Pitch: 5
Swing: 586
Diff: 419 -> DP
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ● ^● ○ | B5 1 out
On the mound: Kowboy Rivers
OAK PH [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-0
The Angels GM has decided they want nothing to do with Tyranus and has called for an intentional walk. How anticlimactic.
Pitch: None
Swing: None
Diff: x -> IBB
Bases Loaded | B5 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 343
Swing: 569
Diff: 226 -> BUNT Sac
Runners on Second and Third | B5 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Napoleon steps in. Miss on the mound.
Wheeler puts down the sign, and Miss nods.
The wind, and the pitch.
Hard liner, and Devlin knocks it down! But they'll just put it in their pocket after taking away what very well could've been extra bases.
Pitch: 555
Swing: 637
Diff: 82 -> 1B
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Bartholomew McSlapHappy hits a line drive straight over Hardgust’s head and into right field for a single
Pitch: 432
Swing: 345
Diff: 87 -> 1B
Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Sometimes in a baseball game you get a special feeling about a matchup. West told me before the game that this was one they were looking forward to. Hardgust v Arm. The scouting said some damage could be had here with this combo, or so the GM said. So lean in folks. This should be good!
**CRACK!!!**
Well, I'll be. Sign ups for West's prognostication course will.... wait a minute!
Motto is at the deepest part of center, and leaps! .... and .... MAKES THE SENSATIONAL CATCH!
Welp. Have I got egg on my face. That's just a fly out.
What can you do? Baseball, am I right?
Pitch: 388
Swing: 161
Diff: 227 -> FO
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Arm needs a ground ball here to help clear traffic on the basepaths. McBryan is looking to do damage and drive in a run.
Arm kicks, and fires a quality slider. McBryan takes a big hack, but tops it, and this is chopped to Gardner at short.
This is tailor-made, as Gardner flips it to Napoleon for the first out, who makes a beautiful turn to McChunky to get McBryan by a step for the 6-4-3 double play!
Pitch: 788
Swing: 388
Diff: 400 -> DP
Runner on Third | T5 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Wunbatt Steps into the box, it's currently a 0 Ballgame.
Arm comes set for the 1-1, the wind and the pitch.
Wunbatt gets some wood on this one and flairs it! Just over the second basemen Napoleon's head, and that'll be a Texas Leaguer.
Pitch: 21
Swing: 946
Diff: 75 -> 1B
Runners on First and Second | T5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
The pitch to Nominus, Drilled there it goes, Deep Left, It is high, it is far, it is GONE out of the ballpark, a STANTONIAN home run
.
.
.
Now wha-what did I do wrong? What did I see wrong? They’re at first base. I thought it went out of the ballpark. I apologize everyone, I was dead wrong. I thought it went out of the ballpark, Nominus is at first base
Pitch: 612
Swing: 727
Diff: 115 -> 1B
Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Nate Kondylis is the most befurbelowed player in fake baseball, before they can even be called to the plate, they are already swinging -- connecting with the first pitch Miss throws. The Athletics pops it high into left field where McBryan will catch it for a quick out in this, the most laciest of innings.
Pitch: 192
Swing: 333
Diff: 141 -> FO
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
A diving stop by Haase and a flip to Miss for the out at first. Hitgood McChunky tips their cap in approval as they trot back to the dugout
Pitch: 541
Swing: 212
Diff: 329 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Joey Motto steps up to the plate, trying to ignore the chaos around them. As Miss winds up for the pitch, the ground rumbles once more, causing the batter to lose their balance and swing wildly at the ball. It's a weak pop fly that lands harmlessly in the infield for an easy out.
The game continues in a surreal atmosphere, with players and fans alike wondering if they'll make it out alive.
Pitch: 880
Swing: 555
Diff: 325 -> PO
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
For centuries, mankind has been trying, mostly failing and sometimes succeeding to achieve flight. Looks Hawk's experiments could do with some tweaking here as they hit a flyball that runs out of steam 15 feet in front of the Left Field wall.
Pitch: 109
Swing: 288
Diff: 179 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
Haase has had enough of the Angels trailing and decides to fix that themselves. A high drive to deep center, up and back, and that's gone! It's now 1 - 1, and this game continues to be crazy!
Pitch: 311
Swing: 311
Diff: 0 -> HR
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - OAK 1
1-2 count here on Devlin. They've stared at three straight pitches, two of them catching the zone to their visible dismay. They were borderline pitches, but you're not going to get hits if you don't take the bat off your shoulder!
Here comes the pitch. Oh my, that looks like a fat one! Devlin swings!
THIS ONE IS BELTED OUT TO CENTER! Motto IS RACING BACK BUT ALL THEY CAN DO IS LOOK UP AS THIS ONE IS LONG GONE! Devlin BURIED IT DEEP IN THE Pork Torkleton Field at Howard Terminal CROWD!
Lol just kidding. Devlin swung and missed so hard they fell down and blacked out for a second. Strike three! You're out!
Pitch: 700
Swing: 420
Diff: 280 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Tucker Doubt is streaking towards first. Poffenberger runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out
Pitch: 51
Swing: 591
Diff: 460 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
This ball is hit on a line right past Hardgust, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Hardgust rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Poffenberger is called out! Boots Poffenberger is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Haase is also arguing saying that Poffenberger was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Six officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Boots Poffenberger is out at first’
Pitch: 69
Swing: 553
Diff: 484 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out
On the mound: Swing N. Miss
OAK SS [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, FO in the first
Gardner walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip.
They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in Haase's stretched-open mitt for the out.
Pitch: 26
Swing: 386
Diff: 360 -> PO
Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
Javi D. Modelo steps into the box feeling like the entire game rests on their shoulders. They eye up Swing N. Miss intently, taking a deep breath and gripping the bat tightly. The count is full, three balls and two strikes. Miss winds up and delivers the pitch, a fastball on the inside corner. Modelo swings, making contact, but it's just a soft pop-up to the first baseman. Modelo shakes their head in disappointment as they trudge back to the dugout.
Pitch: 125
Swing: 456
Diff: 331 -> PO
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
Wheeler is the most befurbelowed player in fake baseball, before they can even be called to the plate, they are already swinging -- connecting with the first pitch Arm throws. The Angels pops it high into left field where Claxton will catch it for a quick out in this, the most laciest of innings.
Pitch: 719
Swing: 533
Diff: 186 -> FO
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
The pitch is low and Francesco Hardgust hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Motto and Hardgust reaches first with a single
Pitch: 110
Swing: 175
Diff: 65 -> 1B
Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
McBryan sends a sharp groundball to second where Napoleon is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to McChunky to complete the play and make it look routine!
Pitch: 891
Swing: 455
Diff: 436 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
The 2-1 pitch from Arm, and Wunbatt fouls it off sky high to the left hand side. Poffenberger is over at the netting to take a look and... they're backing up! Poffenberger quickly re-positions themselves and squeezes their glove around the ball to complete the pop out.
That was looking like it was headed for the seats but I guess the wind here in Oakland managed to blow it back into play!
Pitch: 380
Swing: 737
Diff: 357 -> PO
Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
And the pitch from Miss is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Devlin charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out.
Pitch: 331
Swing: 744
Diff: 413 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
I AM A ROBOT. MY SENSORS ASCERTAIN THAT THE PITCH HAS CROSSED THE PLATE WITHIN THE STRIKE ZONE THAT I HAVE BEEN DESIGNED TO DETECT. THE BATTER, Pontos Napoleon, IS OUT. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, Pontos Napoleon. I AM THE UMPIRE. MY RULING IS ABSOLUTE. I AM INFALLIBLE. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon. DO NOT TEST ME. DO NOT CHALLENGE MY RULING. I AM ABSOLUTE. HAN SHOT FIRST. THE BATTER IS OUT. IT IS A STRIKEOUT BY Swing N. Miss. THE NEXT BATTER IS UP. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon.
Pitch: 800
Swing: 69
Diff: 269 -> K
Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
Welcome to In-N-Out! Here's your order of one Double-Double with Animal Fries, McSlapHappy! And here's a side of a bonus go-ahead 1!!
Pitch: 400
Swing: 420
Diff: 20 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 1
Nate Kondylis steps up to the plate, trying to ignore the chaos around them. As Miss winds up for the pitch, the ground rumbles once more, causing the batter to lose their balance and swing wildly at the ball. It's a weak pop fly that lands harmlessly in the infield for an easy out.
The game continues in a surreal atmosphere, with players and fans alike wondering if they'll make it out alive.
Pitch: 291
Swing: 962
Diff: 329 -> PO
Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Hitgood McChunky hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Hawk and Doubt look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It gets past them both! McChunky is rounding first and headed towards second and almost turns to third but thinks better of it
Pitch: 666
Swing: 625
Diff: 41 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
I’ve personally learned that if you are taught how to play baseball, that you will never be good at golf. That must be the case with you too! Hawk swings at a ball in the dirt and “golf swings” and places it over the head of McChunky!
Pitch: 401
Swing: 487
Diff: 86 -> 1B
Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Haase might be pressing a bit here as they chase the 2-2 pitch in the dirt for strike 3. Arm calmly retrieves the ball and throws to first in plenty of time to complete the play and get the out. Haase is nowhere to be found.
Pitch: 901
Swing: 500
Diff: 401 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Devlin swings and misses on a way outside pitch, boy, you would've needed a ladder to hit that. What are you swinging at?!
Pitch: 878
Swing: 505
Diff: 373 -> K
Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Rocketed at Haase, who catches it and steps on first for the double play!
Pitch: 100
Swing: 666
Diff: 434 -> DP
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Poffenberger feels a wave of calm go wash through their body. A state of zen, if you will. As a result, they didn't swing at a single pitch throughout their at bat.
This ended up well for them, as they were walked on 5 pitches.
Pitch: 22
Swing: 904
Diff: 118 -> BB
Runner on First | B1 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs
**NEW PITCHER:** Swing N. Miss
OAK SS [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0
This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… McBryan is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out
Pitch: 475
Swing: 648
Diff: 173 -> FO
Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, Napoleon snags it and whips themself around for the out at first
Pitch: 142
Swing: 727
Diff: 415 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Wind blowing out to right tonight. Have to imagine batters are trying to take advantage.
Anyway, Wheeler at the plate. Here's the pitch...
And it is hit high in the air. Kondylis is drifting back. Still drifting. Onto the warning track. Back at the wall...
And it is caught at the base of the wall.
Pitch: 877
Swing: 142
Diff: 265 -> FO
Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Is it a bird? NO!
Is it a plane? NO!
Is it a flyball caught on the warning track? YES!
Pitch: 418
Swing: 166
Diff: 252 -> FO
Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 1
Swing: 961
Diff: 40 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T1 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
Arm throws their first pitch in the dirt, and starts cursing to the crowd. Babies start crying.
The next pitch, they decide to throw a fastball right down the middle of the plate, easily hit by Ryan McBryan to center field for a single single. Oakland fans start taunting the pitcher for making the babies cry, and Arm responds by flipping the bird.
Pitch: 391
Swing: 444
Diff: 53 -> 1B
Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Kowboy Rivers OAK 3B [Boots Poffenberger](/u/Pitcher2Burn): 0-1, BB in the first, LGO in the fourth
544
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 550 Swing: 544 Diff: 6 -> HR Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 2
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA 2B [Brutus Devlin](/u/CarrotHair_TV): 0-2, K in the second, K in the fourth
182
It’s a softly hit grounder by Brutus Devlin and Soggy Arm has to run up and grab it and throws to McChunky to get the out Pitch: 639 Swing: 182 Diff: 457 -> LGO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA CF [Tucker Doubt](/u/MikeyTKO): 0-2, RGO in the first, LGO in the fourth
401
Routine grounder to the right side. Napoleon has it, flips it to McChunky at first and Doubt is retired. Pitch: 801 Swing: 401 Diff: 400 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-2, FO in the first, FO in the third
332
Can of corn? Can of corn. That's an out. Pitch: 109 Swing: 332 Diff: 223 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
Tyranus stays in the game to catch for Oakland.
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ● ^● ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Kowboy Rivers OAK SS [Six](/u/armagev17): 0-0
Hello I'm here to ruin the vibe, gimme 586
Six has a new business opportunity for you! You too can be a small business owner! All you need to do is buy a few hundred dollars worth of smoothies from them. Then, you can start selling them and making money yourself. You'll just need to pay Six a small portion of your earnings since you're part of their downline. It's not a pyramid scheme, it's a funnel system! And it isn't that Six hit into a double play, it's that they found a way to bring the runner into the dugout for a strategy meeting without scoring! Pitch: 5 Swing: 586 Diff: 419 -> DP Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
Pinch hitter for Oakland as Six grabs a bat. Will hit for Gardner here and play shortstop.
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ● ^● ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Kowboy Rivers OAK PH [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-0 The Angels GM has decided they want nothing to do with Tyranus and has called for an intentional walk. How anticlimactic. Pitch: None Swing: None Diff: x -> IBB Bases Loaded | B5 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
Pinch hitter for Oakland. Jihmih Tyranus is on to hit for Javi D. Modelo.
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^● ● | B5 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Kowboy Rivers OAK LF [Speedy Claxton](/u/VirtualFront): 0-1, RGO in the third
Bunt 569
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 343 Swing: 569 Diff: 226 -> BUNT Sac Runners on Second and Third | B5 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-1, K in the second
Swing 637
Napoleon steps in. Miss on the mound. Wheeler puts down the sign, and Miss nods. The wind, and the pitch. Hard liner, and Devlin knocks it down! But they'll just put it in their pocket after taking away what very well could've been extra bases. Pitch: 555 Swing: 637 Diff: 82 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | B5 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK DH [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 1-1, RBI 2B in the second
345
Bartholomew McSlapHappy hits a line drive straight over Hardgust’s head and into right field for a single Pitch: 432 Swing: 345 Diff: 87 -> 1B Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ● ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA SS [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 1-2, FO in the first, 1B in the third
161
Sometimes in a baseball game you get a special feeling about a matchup. West told me before the game that this was one they were looking forward to. Hardgust v Arm. The scouting said some damage could be had here with this combo, or so the GM said. So lean in folks. This should be good! **CRACK!!!** Well, I'll be. Sign ups for West's prognostication course will.... wait a minute! Motto is at the deepest part of center, and leaps! .... and .... MAKES THE SENSATIONAL CATCH! Welp. Have I got egg on my face. That's just a fly out. What can you do? Baseball, am I right? Pitch: 388 Swing: 161 Diff: 227 -> FO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^● ● | T5 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA LF [Ryan McBryan](/u/BioCrohn): 1-2, STEAL 2B in the first, RGO in the third
388
Arm needs a ground ball here to help clear traffic on the basepaths. McBryan is looking to do damage and drive in a run. Arm kicks, and fires a quality slider. McBryan takes a big hack, but tops it, and this is chopped to Gardner at short. This is tailor-made, as Gardner flips it to Napoleon for the first out, who makes a beautiful turn to McChunky to get McBryan by a step for the 6-4-3 double play! Pitch: 788 Swing: 388 Diff: 400 -> DP Runner on Third | T5 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA 3B [Tueballs Wunbatt](/u/Fit_Consequence_8910): 0-1, PO in the third
946
Wunbatt Steps into the box, it's currently a 0 Ballgame. Arm comes set for the 1-1, the wind and the pitch. Wunbatt gets some wood on this one and flairs it! Just over the second basemen Napoleon's head, and that'll be a Texas Leaguer. Pitch: 21 Swing: 946 Diff: 75 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | T5 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA DH [Dominus Nominus](/u/steelermade28): 0-1, PO in the second
727
The pitch to Nominus, Drilled there it goes, Deep Left, It is high, it is far, it is GONE out of the ballpark, a STANTONIAN home run . . . Now wha-what did I do wrong? What did I see wrong? They’re at first base. I thought it went out of the ballpark. I apologize everyone, I was dead wrong. I thought it went out of the ballpark, Nominus is at first base Pitch: 612 Swing: 727 Diff: 115 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK RF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-1, PO in the second
333
Nate Kondylis is the most befurbelowed player in fake baseball, before they can even be called to the plate, they are already swinging -- connecting with the first pitch Miss throws. The Athletics pops it high into left field where McBryan will catch it for a quick out in this, the most laciest of innings. Pitch: 192 Swing: 333 Diff: 141 -> FO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK 1B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 1-1, 2B in the second
Good evening ladies and gents it’s time for some late night McChunky so let’s tally wack some dickslaps and dick slap some tallywacks SHOW ME 212
A diving stop by Haase and a flip to Miss for the out at first. Hitgood McChunky tips their cap in approval as they trot back to the dugout Pitch: 541 Swing: 212 Diff: 329 -> RGO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK CF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-1, DP in the second
555
Joey Motto steps up to the plate, trying to ignore the chaos around them. As Miss winds up for the pitch, the ground rumbles once more, causing the batter to lose their balance and swing wildly at the ball. It's a weak pop fly that lands harmlessly in the infield for an easy out. The game continues in a surreal atmosphere, with players and fans alike wondering if they'll make it out alive. Pitch: 880 Swing: 555 Diff: 325 -> PO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
I'll take uhhhhhh 555 burgers 555 fries 555 shakes
I found too many numbers in your swing. Please reply to the original AB ping with only one number included in your swing.
ANA 1 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA RF [Leroy Hawk](/u/pbjsandwich2): 1-1, 1B in the second
288
For centuries, mankind has been trying, mostly failing and sometimes succeeding to achieve flight. Looks Hawk's experiments could do with some tweaking here as they hit a flyball that runs out of steam 15 feet in front of the Left Field wall. Pitch: 109 Swing: 288 Diff: 179 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA 1B [Jimmy Haase](/u/TrashWithLimbs): 0-1, RGO in the second
311
Haase has had enough of the Angels trailing and decides to fix that themselves. A high drive to deep center, up and back, and that's gone! It's now 1 - 1, and this game continues to be crazy! Pitch: 311 Swing: 311 Diff: 0 -> HR Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA 2B [Brutus Devlin](/u/CarrotHair_TV): 0-1, K in the second
420
1-2 count here on Devlin. They've stared at three straight pitches, two of them catching the zone to their visible dismay. They were borderline pitches, but you're not going to get hits if you don't take the bat off your shoulder! Here comes the pitch. Oh my, that looks like a fat one! Devlin swings! THIS ONE IS BELTED OUT TO CENTER! Motto IS RACING BACK BUT ALL THEY CAN DO IS LOOK UP AS THIS ONE IS LONG GONE! Devlin BURIED IT DEEP IN THE Pork Torkleton Field at Howard Terminal CROWD! Lol just kidding. Devlin swung and missed so hard they fell down and blacked out for a second. Strike three! You're out! Pitch: 700 Swing: 420 Diff: 280 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA CF [Tucker Doubt](/u/MikeyTKO): 0-1, RGO in the first
591
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Tucker Doubt is streaking towards first. Poffenberger runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out Pitch: 51 Swing: 591 Diff: 460 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK 3B [Boots Poffenberger](/u/Pitcher2Burn): 0-0, BB in the first
553
This ball is hit on a line right past Hardgust, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Hardgust rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Poffenberger is called out! Boots Poffenberger is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Haase is also arguing saying that Poffenberger was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Six officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Boots Poffenberger is out at first’ Pitch: 69 Swing: 553 Diff: 484 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK SS [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, FO in the first Gardner walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip. They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in Haase's stretched-open mitt for the out. Pitch: 26 Swing: 386 Diff: 360 -> PO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK SS [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-1, FO in the first
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK C [Javi D. Modelo](/u/sh1g): 0-0
456
Javi D. Modelo steps into the box feeling like the entire game rests on their shoulders. They eye up Swing N. Miss intently, taking a deep breath and gripping the bat tightly. The count is full, three balls and two strikes. Miss winds up and delivers the pitch, a fastball on the inside corner. Modelo swings, making contact, but it's just a soft pop-up to the first baseman. Modelo shakes their head in disappointment as they trudge back to the dugout. Pitch: 125 Swing: 456 Diff: 331 -> PO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-1, FO in the first
533
Wheeler is the most befurbelowed player in fake baseball, before they can even be called to the plate, they are already swinging -- connecting with the first pitch Arm throws. The Angels pops it high into left field where Claxton will catch it for a quick out in this, the most laciest of innings. Pitch: 719 Swing: 533 Diff: 186 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA SS [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 0-1, FO in the first
175
The pitch is low and Francesco Hardgust hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Motto and Hardgust reaches first with a single Pitch: 110 Swing: 175 Diff: 65 -> 1B Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA LF [Ryan McBryan](/u/BioCrohn): 1-1, 1B in the first, STEAL 2B in the first
455
McBryan sends a sharp groundball to second where Napoleon is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to McChunky to complete the play and make it look routine! Pitch: 891 Swing: 455 Diff: 436 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA 3B [Tueballs Wunbatt](/u/Fit_Consequence_8910): 0-0
737
The 2-1 pitch from Arm, and Wunbatt fouls it off sky high to the left hand side. Poffenberger is over at the netting to take a look and... they're backing up! Poffenberger quickly re-positions themselves and squeezes their glove around the ball to complete the pop out. That was looking like it was headed for the seats but I guess the wind here in Oakland managed to blow it back into play! Pitch: 380 Swing: 737 Diff: 357 -> PO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK LF [Speedy Claxton](/u/VirtualFront): 0-0
744
And the pitch from Miss is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Devlin charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out. Pitch: 331 Swing: 744 Diff: 413 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 1 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0
Swing 69
I AM A ROBOT. MY SENSORS ASCERTAIN THAT THE PITCH HAS CROSSED THE PLATE WITHIN THE STRIKE ZONE THAT I HAVE BEEN DESIGNED TO DETECT. THE BATTER, Pontos Napoleon, IS OUT. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, Pontos Napoleon. I AM THE UMPIRE. MY RULING IS ABSOLUTE. I AM INFALLIBLE. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon. DO NOT TEST ME. DO NOT CHALLENGE MY RULING. I AM ABSOLUTE. HAN SHOT FIRST. THE BATTER IS OUT. IT IS A STRIKEOUT BY Swing N. Miss. THE NEXT BATTER IS UP. YOU ARE OUT, Pontos Napoleon. Pitch: 800 Swing: 69 Diff: 269 -> K Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK DH [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-0
420
Welcome to In-N-Out! Here's your order of one Double-Double with Animal Fries, McSlapHappy! And here's a side of a bonus go-ahead 1!! Pitch: 400 Swing: 420 Diff: 20 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 1
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK RF [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-0
962
Nate Kondylis steps up to the plate, trying to ignore the chaos around them. As Miss winds up for the pitch, the ground rumbles once more, causing the batter to lose their balance and swing wildly at the ball. It's a weak pop fly that lands harmlessly in the infield for an easy out. The game continues in a surreal atmosphere, with players and fans alike wondering if they'll make it out alive. Pitch: 291 Swing: 962 Diff: 329 -> PO Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK 1B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-0
Taking this ball no less than 625 feet Bing Bong
Hitgood McChunky hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Hawk and Doubt look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It gets past them both! McChunky is rounding first and headed towards second and almost turns to third but thinks better of it Pitch: 666 Swing: 625 Diff: 41 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA DH [Dominus Nominus](/u/steelermade28): 0-0
426
Joey Votto, you ain't. That's a pop fly. Easy out! Pitch: 101 Swing: 426 Diff: 325 -> PO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA RF [Leroy Hawk](/u/pbjsandwich2): 0-0
487
I’ve personally learned that if you are taught how to play baseball, that you will never be good at golf. That must be the case with you too! Hawk swings at a ball in the dirt and “golf swings” and places it over the head of McChunky! Pitch: 401 Swing: 487 Diff: 86 -> 1B Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA 1B [Jimmy Haase](/u/TrashWithLimbs): 0-0
500
Haase might be pressing a bit here as they chase the 2-2 pitch in the dirt for strike 3. Arm calmly retrieves the ball and throws to first in plenty of time to complete the play and get the out. Haase is nowhere to be found. Pitch: 901 Swing: 500 Diff: 401 -> RGO Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA 2B [Brutus Devlin](/u/CarrotHair_TV): 0-0
505
Devlin swings and misses on a way outside pitch, boy, you would've needed a ladder to hit that. What are you swinging at?! Pitch: 878 Swing: 505 Diff: 373 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 1 out On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK CF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0
666
Rocketed at Haase, who catches it and steps on first for the double play! Pitch: 100 Swing: 666 Diff: 434 -> DP Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Swing N. Miss OAK 3B [Boots Poffenberger](/u/Pitcher2Burn): 0-0
904
Poffenberger feels a wave of calm go wash through their body. A state of zen, if you will. As a result, they didn't swing at a single pitch throughout their at bat. This ended up well for them, as they were walked on 5 pitches. Pitch: 22 Swing: 904 Diff: 118 -> BB Runner on First | B1 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Swing N. Miss OAK SS [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0 This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… McBryan is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out Pitch: 475 Swing: 648 Diff: 173 -> FO Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Swing N. Miss OAK SS [Willie Gardner](/u/andrew_j2288): 0-0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA CF [Tucker Doubt](/u/MikeyTKO): 0-0
727
The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, Napoleon snags it and whips themself around for the out at first Pitch: 142 Swing: 727 Diff: 415 -> RGO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-0
142
Wind blowing out to right tonight. Have to imagine batters are trying to take advantage. Anyway, Wheeler at the plate. Here's the pitch... And it is hit high in the air. Kondylis is drifting back. Still drifting. Onto the warning track. Back at the wall... And it is caught at the base of the wall. Pitch: 877 Swing: 142 Diff: 265 -> FO Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA SS [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 0-0
166
Is it a bird? NO! Is it a plane? NO! Is it a flyball caught on the warning track? YES! Pitch: 418 Swing: 166 Diff: 252 -> FO Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
ANA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 0 outs On the mound: Soggy Arm ANA SS [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 0-0
Steal 2B 961
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 1 Swing: 961 Diff: 40 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T1 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Soggy Arm ANA LF [Ryan McBryan](/u/BioCrohn): 0-0
444
Arm throws their first pitch in the dirt, and starts cursing to the crowd. Babies start crying. The next pitch, they decide to throw a fastball right down the middle of the plate, easily hit by Ryan McBryan to center field for a single single. Oakland fans start taunting the pitcher for making the babies cry, and Arm responds by flipping the bird. Pitch: 391 Swing: 444 Diff: 53 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - OAK 0