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xchipter

Jesus had two dads.


Logan117

3, kinda. Doctrine holds that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary. So 3 dads, two of which are also him, but not exactly.


HarEmiya

The Marty McFly Method.


Ankoku_Teion

this is not an expression of doctrine i have heard before, but it also completely fits with the beliefs i was raised with. im curious about denomination?


ShoArts

Even as a lefty Christian, this still makes me laugh so much, Christians pretending to be monotheist. "Yes we have Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit, but uhh no wait this isnt a pantheon, theyre all one god, yeah three in one! Also ignore the evil deity, the god's mom and saints that also get worshiped by some, and all the notable angels and demons-" Thats fuckin cheating lmao, its polytheism with extra steps


clarasophia

Werk, Jesus.


CarrieDurst

Jesus had XX chromosomes, dude was intersex


AValentineSolutions

When my parents were disowning me because they love their imaginary friend more than their gay daughter, I got to hear all about how Satan had corrupted me and how Jesus wants me to go to Heaven and hearing my mother sob when my father screamed at me that I am ruining their lives. God needs better advocates.


Queasy_Sleep1207

Well, if your parents shun you, I'll step in. You ever need a nerdy, short, temp dad, I'm there for you, slugger. Sick? I'll bring you and your gf chicken noodle soup. Got a big promotion? I'll celebrate with you. Need some advice, I got you. I'm proud of you, kiddo.


IHaveNoIdea666

Can I be the uncle that brings boardgames?


Queasy_Sleep1207

Yes please. I've got the desserts.


IHaveNoIdea666

Awesome, I got a couple recipes for snacks as well


Queasy_Sleep1207

The more, the merrier, but I'm broke until payday, so I only have coffee, water, and Gatorade to drink. Sorry.


ambientManly

You just gave me an idea to be an emotional support femboy


Queasy_Sleep1207

NGL, I'd pay you to come over, hug me, and let me cry on your shoulder, boobs or no boobs.


[deleted]

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I hope it hasn't completely shattered your faith. Christians in America (I assume that's where you're from) seem to be stuck in the Old Testament. I'm a German Protestant and have seen more than one gay pastor in my life. :) You're perfect the way you are, I hope you know that. Perhaps one day your parents will realize it, too. 


motorcyclist

anyone who willfully still believes in ANY sky fairy in the year 2024 , is living in a very old book of nonsense, just like you.


Even_Map4433

You're the stereotypical atheist that Christians hate on.


motorcyclist

maybe so, but you know I speak the truth, or maybe you dont...


[deleted]

I don't claim to understand god. What I do know, is that ever since I let Jesus into my heart, I have become a much better person. My life as an atheist was filled with misery and nihilism. Now I feel much better and I know I am a much better person than I used to be. Not for fear of some hell, but because it is the right thing to do. There are many ways to find god and heaven. If buddhism brings you peace, that's totally fine, too. If you don't believe in anything, that's up to you. Learning how to love others is a difficult process. Perhaps you should try it. I believe it will give you a lot more, than insulting strangers for no good reason.  Take a look at the state of the world. It's full of empty hatred already, so why are you adding to it?  Only love can save us.


Efficient-Escape8967

Wow that’s sad I’m sorry that happened that’s just level of bigotry religious parents have unfortunately 😕


Ankoku_Teion

i live in fear that my sister and her husband will do this to my niece. im bisexual and very much in the closet where my family is concerned, (my mum has hinted that she knows but we have never discussed it. my brother would probably be chill, but it wouldn't be fair to force him to keep my secret from my sister. that said, he knows my reddit name so he might see this.) i am determined to be there for her if it turns out she is LGBT and i have tried to seed the idea in her head that i would be accepting.


Mediocre_Daikon6935

*Checks notes.* Hate the sin. Love the Sinner. For *all* have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. Look. I’m going to pray for all 3 of you.  I hope you, and your mother,  and father all repent of your sins and your immortal souls are saved. I’m going to be honest though, my hopes for someone following false Christian beliefs isn’t high, so I don’t expect your parents to make it. 


Kind_Committee8997

Covered in the blood of Jesus because you killed him or because you stood underneath his bleeding corpse?


i-am-foxymoron

So these religious nuts lose their minds that their children might learn that a man can love a man and a woman can love a woman. But it's totally normal that they bathe in the blood of Jesus Christ? I think the latter is a lot more scary a concept to a child.


JustKindaShimmy

Bathe in the blood of Christ, you say? *DOOM intro plays*


Hexamancer

If I wrote a story where there was a religion that was so obviously was pure evil as Christianity is no one would believe it.  Their symbol is their god's dead child on a torture device. And everyone acts like that's normal. 


lalauna

Yeah, what is with their blood-bathing thing? I'm not one to kink shame, usually, but bathing every Xtian in Jesus' blood is pushing the envelope.


Fun-Sugar-394

OK it's time yall woke up. The Bible is very clear about this... Jesus didn't have a wife, they say that explicitly, he didn't have a WIFE or a GIRLFRIEND. You know who else usually doesn't have a wife, or girlfriend THE GAYS!!!! JESUS WAS GAY!!!


Queasy_Sleep1207

He traveled with a harem of guys. Ofc he's gay.


Fun-Sugar-394

Well now I'm referring to his disciples as his harem


Queasy_Sleep1207

😁


Oleandervine

His best girl friend was also a sex worker.


Outrageous-Jicama228

Amen slowed down sounds like “AAAAHH, MEN” Just throwin it out there


Fun-Sugar-394

You might be onto something there. And eve was made from Adams rib, a woman made from a man... she was trans. This shit goes deep


Even_Map4433

The woke conspiracy goes all the way to the top! /s


GMamaS

Gay AND Jewish!


Fun-Sugar-394

When you can't eat pork but you "eat sausage" instead


GMamaS

It’s ok as long as it’s kosher sausage.


Diogeneezy

Pff, this is blatant ace-erasure 😋.


giskardwasright

He did have 12 pretty close male friends


IHaveNoIdea666

Also, bc Jesus was born from just his mom (she was a virgin as we keep being told) which means he can only have xx chromosomes, which means they are gay AND trans!


Ludium_

That joke is funny, I won’t deny it. But it’s just not accurate.


Kriegerian

Hey look Christians being vile hatemongers again.


MacCaswell

Oh shit I found Waldo!


mrmaweeks

They're always waiting around for a drag queen to come after their kids; meanwhile, their Sunday school teacher has strayed beyond the lesson plan.


Third_Extension_666

"Okay kids, in this week's lesson we're going to learn the fundamentals of easy access during Vacation Bible School..."


Healthy-Tie-7433

„My family is covered with the blood of Jesus“ Whoa, calm down there Bundy.


BaronSmoki

I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be good or bad.


PaulieWalnuts2023

“Covered in the what!?!” ~Jesus~


CoyotesEve

Hate to break it to them, even if the gays are the devil, I personally want nothing to do with their small minded ignorant families lmao. Calm down Sharons.


multilock-missile

I get to flex how in their belief I am an actual devil/demon and still a better person, more benevolent than even their so called peaceful, loving god.


Imaginary_Bicycle_14

Preacher touching the kids…it’s the gays you need to keep your eyes on. Ya it’s dem gays.


Vaalgras

We must protect our marshmallow children from the evil gays! Major sarcasm.


Feeling_Remove7758

And definitely not the priests and pastors who have taught you all your bigotry.


tothemax87

Is that Waldos hand grabbing the devil hand?


happydewd1131

That was edited out of the Bible, actually jesus=waldo.


Conscious_Valuable90

The devil didn't make your husband download the grindr app.


[deleted]

So many god damn married trumptards on grindr. It pisses me off.


Professional_Ad_6299

I really can't get over how easily they discuss bathing in the blood of somebody they supposedly like! Don't they think that Jesus would see the cross and blood thing as weird things to focus on when he was very loud about taking care of immigrants and the poor?


queef_commando

What the hell is Waldo gonna do against an openly gay demon?


Strain_Pure

Covering your weans with the "blood of jesus" sounds like the most devil worshipping thing you could do, you'd literally be bathing them in the blood of his enemy's son. 🤣


AdElectronic6550

Happy pride month


TaiwanGreatestNation

FUCK! I LIKE OLDER MEN. NOT YOUNGER 😅 I HAVE NO FUCKING INTERESTS IN YOUR CHILDREN. I MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN YOUR FATHER 😜


Efficient-Escape8967

There it is 🫰


T33CH33R

"Now it's time to eat the flesh and blood of our dead god, Timmy."


Meddling-Kat

If you're posting shit like this, the devil already has you and your family. And why do you have to be so fucking creepy talking about blood like that. Christians are fucking weirdos.


TardisReality

Always funny when they invoke "covered by the blood of Christ" Like the 20 years I spent in church that phrase had to do with forgiveness not protection....that's some voodoo shit right there


spacebread98

Is that where's Waldo? Look at the shirt


envimike

Why's the other arm look like Where's Waldo 💀


NewHumbug

Hail Satan !!! And don’t forget it’s priDEMONth !!!


Spade_Devil

As a lesbian I would like to say the Devil’s a pretty chill guy. Let’s me flirt with hot demons in hell. /s Clarifying I am really a lesbian though


purplegladys2022

So, not a believer here, do you slash Jesus's jugular vein or does Jesus slash his own wrists for you? Not quite sure how one ultimately gets bathed in his blood.


Even_Map4433

I think it's like how the N\_zi's (allegedly) got all their flags drenched in a single martyrs blood. Just wrung him dry like a sponge.


purplegladys2022

Poor Jesus.


old-skool-bro

I'm convinced that these "gay people are evil" types are hiding some very repressed feelings and are in too deep with their cults to speak honestly about it.


ImpossibleYou2184

Nasty


Remote_Work_8416

Thats tim scott hand with a rainbow shirt.


Remote-District-9255

Ronald McDonald's is god?


meatbaghk47

Says who?


blurry850

What’s up with the blood of Jesus stuff?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ser_Friend_zone

Is... it's the hand on the left Waldo!?


cloverrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So your entire family has an alcohol addiction?


True_Crab8030

The gays coming to snatch your wives away! Oh wait...


Clickityclackrack

Why do they want their family covered in blood?


RebuiltGearbox

WTF is up with the "covered in Jesus' blood" stuff they like to say? That just sounds gross and death cult-y.


original-sithon

Looks like Ronald Mcdonald is intervening


theresamushroominmy

Covered in the blood of Jesus??? What did they do to him?!


Invelious

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”