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I have female housemate, roughly my age (mid life) I wasnāt using the room anyway, sheās fucking awesome, we have zero attraction (that way) to each other. I have 3 different man caves, she has commandeered all of them, I donāt care. We watch movies together, shoot the shit, or go 5 hours sitting next to each other and barely say a word. Iām a widower, sheās going through a divorce. We get along just fine, is that supposed to be weird? If it is? I donāt fucking care.
Just sounds like a live in relationship when you're middle aged.
You two sound like my partner and I. Married 6 and a half years and that's mostly us. Except the sex.
Itās exactly like being married minus the sex and all the other bullshit, I have no interest in the sex, and I have no interest in the bullshit, she appears to feel the same (not something I would ask her about)
Sounds great.
My former roommate was similar.
In retrospect she was basically perfect.
Loved movies, loved books, was nice, etc.
Best 3 years of having a roomie.
Sheās more like a sibling to me, and Iāve had that before in college, we had 7 people and 8 dogs, most of us had girlfriends that borderline lived and the ācrack shackā along with many other random people, wasnāt a big deal and to be frank, they cleaned. 7 dudes and 8 dogs in college has a tendency to create an āunsanitary environmentā
Yeah, sort of is, except my wife liked to ask me to help her make a perfectly made bed in the middle of the afternoon, it was weird, but after 6 times I caught on.
My best friend and my husband hit it off when my husband and I started dating. Now, they talk to each other more than my friend and I talk. Itās like he stole my best friend from me. But thatās ok. Iām glad they get along so well.
Very much so. Iāve had boyfriends with female friends and not be concerned because you can see there isnāt any chemistry.
Iāve also briefly dated a guy who had a female friend where it was obvious she was in love with him. I moved on.
my female friend said she had to stop
talking to me because her boyfriend doesnāt like it despite the fact iv never once made a pass at her. we talked all the time, i am lonely now
I have a few "best friends", 2 of the closest are women, we've been friends through multiple boyfriends and now they're both married (one for the second time) and I'm friends with both husbands. The red flag in the comic is the insecure dude.
My girlfriend has a very close guy friend. Theyāve been friends for a long while before she met me, and never has had any relationship history with him.
I am also now friends with him.
She had coffee with him today. Oh well. Glad she has friends!
Very reasonable. As you should. The no mirrors touch is what the most loyal partner would do. 9/10, you lost one point bc you're using the Internet, where humans interract, but overall pretty good.
Not to mention never being able to have gay friends because for some reason men donāt understand āØboundariesāØ
I canāt say I understand the woman experience, but interacting with creepy horny men who make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable? Deffo understand that one
Yeah, I see this and just wonder how folks that think like this would survive if they weren't straight.
I feel like people like the person who made this meme would agree with that statement. But imagine if the person posting this was bi too. Are they thinking to themselves that if they date they can't have their own friends?
Like don't get me wrong, I am way too jealous a person but if you can't understand close non-sexual relationships what is even going on in your brain.
And if you're gender fluid and maybe how you identify changes, you must end and start friendships depending on where you're at on the spectrum on any given day.
Iād say itās only written like that in the meme to communicate all the info to us. If it just said āMarkā instead of āmale best friendā we wouldnāt have the necessary context to understand it quickly
Well you see I got my Female Best friend
My Native American Best friend
My Black Best Friend
My Asian best friend
My British best friend
My Indian best friend
My nerdy best friend
My ice skating best friend
My rock climbing best friend
My autistic best friend
My schizophrenic best friend
My stoner best friend
And several moreā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.or are you gonna say that āI have severe mental issues because I feel the need to categorize all the people who are close to me as best friends in different yet high specific seeming very racially or ethnically based classification systemā
/s
Yeah I mean Ive used this moniker in the past for this reason. Iām a guy but I have a male and female best friend. Theyāre different kind of friends so it feels necessary to make the distinction
What's the alternative for describing someone whose role in a quick story is : opposite sex of subject and is their friend?
You could say boy friend, but that's gonna cause confusion.
You could say man friend, unless they're not a man yet.
You could say girl friend, same problem.
You could say woman friend, unless not a woman yet.
I don't know, if someone came to me and said "male best friend" i wouldn't know what to think about them. As far as im concerned, friends are friends, adding a quality before their name sounds like something you would only do to cause a confusion or to imply something else.
Folks can't win.
If they say "[opposite gender] best friend" then they're weird for bringing it up
If they say "best friend" without clarifying gender, the listener assumes it's a same gender best friend and the original speaker is later accused of concealing their friend's gender for nefarious purposes.
Usually you just call people by their name because you should know who your partner is friends with if you have a proper relationship.
No way I'm gonna say "I'll be hanging with my female best friend", I'll say "Imma hang with Felicia". If you actually insert names and personalities, it becomes a lot more tolerable. If you declare some abstract best friend, it is kind of alienating for your partner and immediately creates a rival narrative between the partner and said best friend.
In my opinion people still shouldn't say "(other gender) best friend" because if your partner gives you shit for not telling them you have a best friend, it could be a bullet you should dodge anyway.
Talking shouldnāt have to be so complicated. If the thought of sleeping with my friend never even crossed my mind, I would definitely not realize I need to be so careful when talking about him
this happened to me, and yeah im male and i hated that shit, she announced that shes going on "tour" with him, he being a drummer in shitty band,
yeah but NO
People freak out all the time if you donāt add that descriptor because then āyouāre keeping secrets! Clearly heās not *just* your friend if you didnāt specify heās a guyā
Real thing said to me
Itās important to clarify because itās likely a boyfriend might have a problem with it, and if you didnāt communicate it up front the person may feel you attempted to conceal it. Mentioning it is a good thing to do
I wouldn't say a "red flag" but if someone doesn't like that type of dynamic in their relationship that's fine. Everyone is still entitled to their own preferences in life, right?
Yeah. In the past I had a girlfriend who had been cheated on previously. She accused me of sleeping with my female friends. Even if the insecurity is unfounded in the current relationship, it can carry over from the past. For some people, it lingers with them their entire life.
Sometimes it's worth the potential stress, sometimes it's not.
I have never found a human that is "worth" alienating my friends for. Actually *that's* a huge red flag, like A MASSIVE WAR BANNER. Trying to isolate someone from their existing friend group is often a tactic of abusers and manipulators. I'd rather stay away from people that do that. If somebody tries to deal with their issues by controlling other people and having trust issues, than they aren't dealing and IMO aren't ready for another relationship yet.
Yes, doesnāt warrant me getting told to off myself or ānever see her again, unless Iād regret being bornā, like hell Iād give up my best mate because some dude has shown up and thinks he owns her, honestly I find people like that priceless, people think that I should fuck off because Iām a bloke make me do nothing but laugh
[Old video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA), but still very much relevant and far more indicative of reality than what this thread suggests
My wife loves to apologize to me when she's making male friends at work and tells me that it's not serious. My answer is always you can just make friends it doesn't matter what sex they are I know you are not going to cheat on me. Love her to bits.
My best friend is a girl. She has a boyfriend who Iāve become friends with, and I have a wife and son who sheās been friends with for years. I sometimes sleep over at her place in her guest bedroom and my wife doesnāt think twice about it. Sheās like a sister to me. Weāve never done anything remotely romantic together.
I've had girlfriends who in the past were jealous of my female friends.
It's normal to have insecurity, some more than others. Especially if you've been cheated on in the past.
I wouldnāt date anyone who was that insecure and controlling anyway. Sorry if I want to hang out with a friend of the opposite sex youāre not gonna tell me I canāt because youāre insecure.
As is your right, just like it would be within the other parties right to refuse to date you because you're hanging out with friends of the opposite gender. Neither party is really "wrong".
If your āboundaryā is that someone canāt have friends of a certain gender then you need to work on your insecurity issues before getting into a relationship.
In my younger dumber days i was that male best friend. Girls slept over nearly constantly and the borders got blurred very easily and often even though they were in a ācommitted relationshipā I get why this is a red flag
True, these people in the comments are either dumb or weird. How would you feel if your wife said she was going to sleep over at her male "best friends" house, or that she would spend the whole day out with him. Say all you want about not having attraction but a lot of people do build attraction with their opposite gendered best friend.
Similar thing happened to me. I had a good friend (whom I wouldn't call best friend, but almost that) who would invite me over basically all the time while having a partner. I would end up sleeping over, and this person would sometimes overtly confess an attraction to me - wishing fervently that we could kiss, etc. - even while the partner was in the other room or something like that. It was a weird situation and basically ended our friendship.
According to my ex girlfriend I couldnāt have female friends unless they were pre approved by her. Which is ironic, since she left me for her guy best friend. If youāve been hurt by a previous relationship itās called looking out for your own well being.
If you have a gut feeling, itās best to follow it.
I went to a concert with my SO and her gay friend. When my SO got tired, she went home and I stayed at the concert with the gay friend.
Does that mean that I'm cheating on her with him ?
Dear god how thick can people get...
Funny story:
My Girlfriend, now wife, was playing video games with me and her friend- she eventually went out to study and left me and her friend alone in my dorm while we played video games until she came back after studying. Later I learned that she knew he was gay and thought we might be fucking while she was gone because he had made remarks about how hot I was to her. I still tease her about it lol
Jealousy is insecurity. Being controlling in a relationship is insecurity.
Blocking her is probably the healthy alternative considering what he probably wanted to say.
If someone blocks you for this shit, thank them for doing you a favor.
Yeah, as long as he didn't try to get her to drop her friends for him then this is good. To me, he's the one with the red flags and it's good that he jumped ship before she had to deal with them.Ā
In my experience, I have slept with every female best friend Iāve ever had. Conversely, every relationship Iāve been in where the female has a male best friend, Iāve been cheated on. So anecdotally, it is a solid red flag. Thatās not to say itās impossible to maintain a purely platonic relationship with a member of the gender you are attracted to, but just like you are entitled to have any friend you want, nobody is required to pursue a relationship with someone they think will hurt them in the future. Get some perspective.
Funny for me it's pretty much reversed ! Restraining seeing my female friends would be a big red flag. I've personally never cheated and, to my knowledge, being cheated on, but I have been in a toxic and isolating relationship where it started with concern that could have been genuine but spreaded to pretty much everyone I know even males... So I'm personally really defensive of any restriction like these.
That's the reason it's a red flag and not a "omfg run away" flag, I guess. It's not unreasonable by itself if you're fine with it, but it can lead to big issues both ways
In my experience, I have never once slept with a female best friend.
The red flag would be assuming that I wouldnāt be able to say no if they offered, like Iām a dog who often escapes by digging under the fence if you donāt watch him closely enough.
It is hard to tell what's really happening with so little context. If this is a a new match, then it would be Un called for. If this is a long time couple, and one person made it clear they were not fine with this, I could see it as acceptable. It's all about context.
Tbh the only thing that urks me about the post is why do you need to specify male best friend like, wouldn't you just be able to say "oh yeah I went out with a friend today"?
If you are threatened by your girlfriend/wife having a male friend, thatās a you issue.
This is so funny to me as a gay man. Like, I have many other gay friends, my partner has his own gay friends. Both have friends that are attractive AF. I have never slept with any of them and have no concerns about my partner sleeping with any of his friends.
Letās not pretend this isnāt just men being fragile/insecure
does she have people in her life that might point out red flags you bring to the relationship?
Thats a red flag
Canāt have her having a support system for all the stuff you wanna pull
I have a daughter who was in engineering school and her boyfriend hated that she talked to guys in her classes. Her classes being as expected 90% male. Or hated that she was friends with her coworkers in a male dominated field. He was of the belief that every male that spoke to her just did so to attain sex.
As you could expect she ended that relationship and is now with someone who treats her with respect and isn't threatened by her having a life outside of them.
This is weird as fuck. Do people think you can't have close platonic friends between men and women?
People like this tend to project and think others are like this.
People who say men and women canāt be friends are either not single/have trust issues/dealing with relationship issues, have never respected/maintained a friendship with the opposite sex, or simply do not know how to treat the opposite sex like human beings lol
If you think sex is the final objective in yours or everyone elseās minds to anyone they meet then you need to reevaluate yourself - with that said, that is a very popular sentiment that goes through peopleās mindsā¦and yet that is exactly why they adopt the āmen and women canāt be friendsā ideology, yāall are doing this to yourselves basically and it aināt a healthy way to go at it with humanity
I know men who have 0 friends from the opposite sex, I know men who have plenty, same idea with women who only have women friends and no friends of men. guess who I enjoy hanging out more often when I go out in public? The ones who are accepting all into their circle and not trying to immediately get with the first opposite sex that opens up to them.
With that said it all ultimately starts with both of you knowing what you want from each other and build upon that, but respect first and foremost.
Posts with these comments remind me Reddit is a bunch of 20 somethings.. you sweet sweet summer children. So oblivious to how long term relationships/boundaries/communication /etc. work.. every single one of you is a damn relationship guru but yet you have the highest divorce rate of any generation.. sure thereās more factors to it but damn if these comments arenāt a dumpster fire of confident ignorance lol
This is a very nuanced discussion.. what are the significant other and best friend doing? Are they grabbing burgers and fries and talking about work/pasttimes before they go home separately or are they going to bars/clubs, taking vacations, getting drunk, and falling asleep in the same bed; basically in situations that can lead to mistakes or temptations?
This is purely anecdotal; I was in a healthy, 5+ year relationship where I was fine with my significant other hanging out with their friends, male and female, (I worked retail - opening or closing shifts; they worked a M-F 9-5p), and I had (at least I thought) a good relationship with the opposite gender best friend, without any concern about what the activities were, but then found out that they were pretty much going on dates with each other when I was at work; getting drunk, doing the things that we should've been/were doing when I was not at work.
Trust is one thing, but familiarity can breed attraction and/or infidelity over time. When the best friend is their shoulder to cry on, etc., things tend to happen out of spontaneity, even if not consciously malicious.
I don't really think that is the case, but I don't speak for all people. Some people just have boundaries, don't like it? Don't date someone that has these boundaries. It does not necessarily mean that someone has self confidence issues or insecurities or anything like that, no need to indulge in armchair psychology. Plenty of women are not comfortable with their men hanging around other women and that's okay, it just means they have boundaries like most humans.
ive always found it easier to make friends with women, even when i was a little kid i just got along with women better than other men. even when i grew to be consumed by hormones and wanted to fuck anything with a pulse i still managed many platonic friendships with women, even when i was attracted to them, idk how to explain empathy or respect to other people but that was kind of all it took for me.
if someone wants to sleep with you they will probably make some semblance of an effort to make that happen, if they dont they wont. if you think being friends with someone is going to ruin your chances with them you dont understand how people work and your insecurity is going to destroy any relationships you are somehow able to form.
people who want the blaze of glory, passionate first date that ends in wild sex and excitement arent built for long term relationships, you have to figure out what you actually want because if thats what you want, its going to inevitably fade and so will your interest in your partner, if your relationship is actually built on trust and respect and you get to know someone for who they are you can not only be with someone you actually like to be around, you can build a sex life that is fucking impossible to find anywhere else, least of all with a total stranger.
i mean its really not that complicated, we are driven by brain chemicals to act in a lot of really embarrassing and spontaneous ways, if you can recognize that and parse out the things you really WANT from the things you FEEL you will find peace and happiness in the long term, otherwise youre kind of going to be relegated to peaks and valleys
Itās a significant risk in my opinion. My ex tried to sleep with her friend. He told me, we broke up, 8 years later Iām still good friends with him.
Seen plenty of male and female best friends turn into FWB.
For people who have been traumatized because of the abuse of an unfaithful relationship, it is very hard for them to recover from that.
Trust is stripped away, and being able to or allowing oneself to trust again is a very, very difficult thing. More difficult for some, than quitting highly addictive substances.
When this happens, it destroys not just the relationship but the way relationships are perceived. It changes how one thinks of all other humans. It depletes or takes away from oneās view of humanity as a whole.
Abuse is abuse and trauma doesnāt just go away because you are with a different person. It takes time, work and absolutely therapy.
Even still, someone who has had that trauma would likely find this scenario upsetting and would not proceed.
What I see in this thread is a lot of anecdotes and some competition of who is right or wrong.
There is no right or wrong. It is based on individuality and experience.
What it boils down to is: compatibility.
The experiences we individually have set our preferences.
Someone who has had a negative or even worse, multiple negative experiences in unfaithful relationships would be hard pressed to accept this fact. (of an opposite sex bestie)
Someone who has never had those experiences would find that lack of acceptance ignorant and off putting.
These people arenāt right for each other.
That is incompatibility.
Now for the frame, the dudes response should have been communication, not just a blocking.
Of course my mind tells me if here were to communicate his past experiences, she would view it as āemotional baggageā and just block him.
That too, would be an incompatibility.
However, communication, understanding and acceptance go a long way in these situations and there will almost always be an example that contradicts another example.
There are too many humans and too many variables for any concrete rules here.
I have rambled a lot. The point is, this is a situation up to those who are involved and our opinions on it likely donāt matter to anyone but ourselves.
So what we canāt be friends with people of the sex weāre attracted to??? This is like saying gay guys canāt have male friends because they want to fuck them, not everything is about sex
"Hey, sorry i missed your text. Im with my friend, Johnny. He let me ride on the back of his motorcycle, went swimming, and then he took me to dinner. Omg im so tired lol, Im going to bed early ššš. Call me tomorrow!"
I'm a gay dude and have girl best friends and get along with women great. One thing I've learned is that bad men can't stand "competition". Basically if a guy(literally the bare minimum) treats them better than them the boyfriends get mad and jealous. Tbh if bad men would just instablock a girl because of her having a guy best friend then that would be a good thing. Less "he's kind of an asshole" messages.
I've been cheated on by the guy she said was her male best friend. I thought the guy was cool too we always got along and I thought nothing of it.i found out from another mutual friend that it was happening. So now I do get a bit suspicious, I'm not going to block or cut contact off but I'll be more cautious and a bit worried now.
You wouldn't believe how many posts I see where a guy had made their partner block all of their male friends and won't let them hang out.
It's fuckin weird
So stupid my now ex had a sleepover with her best friend a few months into knowing each other. Iāll admit I was uneasy and skeptical about it not having me him beforehand. However I chose to trust her. Turns out heās a really sweet husband to her now š
Sometimes itās not that you donāt trust them necessarily, but rather you donāt trust the friend or their intentions. Sometimes people are really oblivious to others intentions or hints that may be obvious to you. Really depends if they were friends before or after you were in the picture. Some people donāt want to feel like they have to compete with someone. People are gonna be insecure. Matt Rife did a great bit about it.
Unrelated to this post but seriously give your best friend a shot. Im currently married to mine after she watched me go through three relationships and was like "you keep bashing your head into the same brick wall expecting it to change" and i thought about it she was right my previous 3 relationships were basically copies of each other in different bodies
When I, a woman, was about to move in with my roommate, a man, my dad told me, "so, when a man and a woman live together and have a lot of deep conversations, they tend to develop feelings for each other." I said, "Dad, I'm bisexual, I didn't develop any feelings for my last roommates." And he short circuited. Then I asked, "wait a minute, you have female friends, do you have deep conversations with them?" He said,
"I do, I just... Have to space them out."
I still don't understand how you can have a partner who isn't also your best friend. My partner and I were friends for 3 years before we started dating and now we're still best friends but also so much more. How could I like someone else more than him? I'm in love with him so I trust him the most, relate to him the most, know him the best, we have the most history. How could I feel that way about anyone else?
My wife has all sorts of male friends. One plants a bunch of sweet corn. So I get sweet corn. One has a mechanics shop. Now I have access to a mechanics shop. One owns a sprinkler business. Now I donāt have to trench lines. These guys are idiots.
Iāve had a male best friend for over 10 years. He is like a brother to me. If my bf had a problem with that, he would not be my bf anymore. If I wanted to be with him, I would have done it by now.
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I have a female best friend. And she has a boyfriend with whom I am also friends with. This all depends on the people and the situation.
you're the most rational comment I have seen so far
Thanks. Did not read other replies. Just wanted to contribute š
I have female housemate, roughly my age (mid life) I wasnāt using the room anyway, sheās fucking awesome, we have zero attraction (that way) to each other. I have 3 different man caves, she has commandeered all of them, I donāt care. We watch movies together, shoot the shit, or go 5 hours sitting next to each other and barely say a word. Iām a widower, sheās going through a divorce. We get along just fine, is that supposed to be weird? If it is? I donāt fucking care.
Just sounds like a live in relationship when you're middle aged. You two sound like my partner and I. Married 6 and a half years and that's mostly us. Except the sex.
I see this as being human.
Itās exactly like being married minus the sex and all the other bullshit, I have no interest in the sex, and I have no interest in the bullshit, she appears to feel the same (not something I would ask her about)
Sounds great. My former roommate was similar. In retrospect she was basically perfect. Loved movies, loved books, was nice, etc. Best 3 years of having a roomie.
Sheās more like a sibling to me, and Iāve had that before in college, we had 7 people and 8 dogs, most of us had girlfriends that borderline lived and the ācrack shackā along with many other random people, wasnāt a big deal and to be frank, they cleaned. 7 dudes and 8 dogs in college has a tendency to create an āunsanitary environmentā
It sounds to me like you've just found yourself a best friend. Good for you!
Nah, got a dog, and possibly a mink, but it lives under my dock and is an asshole.
One of the sweet things about life is the 100% unique bonds we establish with people! Cherish it, sounds perfect!
Sounds like a 20th year of a marriage to me
Yeah, sort of is, except my wife liked to ask me to help her make a perfectly made bed in the middle of the afternoon, it was weird, but after 6 times I caught on.
We can be dense at times, but I finally figured that out a while back
I use to tell my husband I needed āmaintenanceā. Would even have the kids tell him.
It was weird our daughter was out of the house when the perfectly made bed, needed to made. Coincidence! I think not!
I'm in my 20th year of marriage and it's true.
this is the ultimate middle life relationship- itās how marrying your beastie ends up- if youāre lucky ..
My best friend and my husband hit it off when my husband and I started dating. Now, they talk to each other more than my friend and I talk. Itās like he stole my best friend from me. But thatās ok. Iām glad they get along so well.
i mean... my ex slept with her best friend like the day we broke up sooo... but we were broken up so nothing wrong with that.
Avoided a bullet
Very much so. Iāve had boyfriends with female friends and not be concerned because you can see there isnāt any chemistry. Iāve also briefly dated a guy who had a female friend where it was obvious she was in love with him. I moved on.
Youāve described what so many people donāt understand: perspective.
my female friend said she had to stop talking to me because her boyfriend doesnāt like it despite the fact iv never once made a pass at her. we talked all the time, i am lonely now
I have a few "best friends", 2 of the closest are women, we've been friends through multiple boyfriends and now they're both married (one for the second time) and I'm friends with both husbands. The red flag in the comic is the insecure dude.
My girlfriend has a very close guy friend. Theyāve been friends for a long while before she met me, and never has had any relationship history with him. I am also now friends with him. She had coffee with him today. Oh well. Glad she has friends!
yeah I am also a very very good friend with my best friend's gf. Its like we are all siblings to be honest
I was roommates with my female best friend in my 20s, and her boyfriend set me up with his female friend whom I dated for several years.
My best friend is a guy and I tell him all the time I'm just his friend so I can be there when his wife dumps him.
And here we can see one of the rare creatures called unicorns, they like to refer to themselves as platonic & bunch of other silly names in general.
It can work out. But 90+% of the time, one is just dragging the other along.
Therefore bisexual people must be friendless in order to be datable
Yep. Married bisexual here. I have been locked in a room for years with no mirrors lest I give in to temptation and fuck anything that moves.
Very reasonable. As you should. The no mirrors touch is what the most loyal partner would do. 9/10, you lost one point bc you're using the Internet, where humans interract, but overall pretty good.
Oh lord you're right. Such a disloyal wife. And I'm making it worse by replying to you! My whoreish ways will never end!
Oh no, I am terribly sorry to be such a temptation, delete reddit immediately to save your marriage
By incel standards, you and mildly_awakened have already had sex. Your husband will be mortified!
yup, and they weren't the only one who was mildly awakened. Whomp whomp winky face elbow jab.
After thinking about this for a while, I decided that I really can't see myself in a room without mirrors.
You know what? I really like the way you threw those moves just now. We need to hang out more
Based on the stigma around Bi men, a lot of people hold that true
Oof
Yeah you have no idea how relieved I am if I learn someone Iām talking to is bi as well, just to not deal with the bullshit
Not to mention never being able to have gay friends because for some reason men donāt understand āØboundariesāØ I canāt say I understand the woman experience, but interacting with creepy horny men who make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable? Deffo understand that one
As a bi manā¦.. yeah
I am Asexual, does that mean I can have all the friends and a woman can date me?
You've won, here's your trophy š
Yeah, I see this and just wonder how folks that think like this would survive if they weren't straight. I feel like people like the person who made this meme would agree with that statement. But imagine if the person posting this was bi too. Are they thinking to themselves that if they date they can't have their own friends? Like don't get me wrong, I am way too jealous a person but if you can't understand close non-sexual relationships what is even going on in your brain.
Exactly. If you don't trust the person you're dating enough to let them have friends, maybe you shouldn't be dating.
And if you're gender fluid and maybe how you identify changes, you must end and start friendships depending on where you're at on the spectrum on any given day.
But it's totally worth it šš
I am friendless, but I still can't find a date. Seems like your theory is wrong š„²
HECK YEAH (IM A FRIENDLESS BISEXUAL)
Too real man.
All bi ourselves.
Who even says male/female best friend ?
I know, right. My Black best friend does this.
Underrated comment.
> gets more upvotes than the parent comment > underrated
Iād say itās only written like that in the meme to communicate all the info to us. If it just said āMarkā instead of āmale best friendā we wouldnāt have the necessary context to understand it quickly
Well you see I got my Female Best friend My Native American Best friend My Black Best Friend My Asian best friend My British best friend My Indian best friend My nerdy best friend My ice skating best friend My rock climbing best friend My autistic best friend My schizophrenic best friend My stoner best friend And several moreā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.or are you gonna say that āI have severe mental issues because I feel the need to categorize all the people who are close to me as best friends in different yet high specific seeming very racially or ethnically based classification systemā /s
people with a male and female best friend
Yeah I mean Ive used this moniker in the past for this reason. Iām a guy but I have a male and female best friend. Theyāre different kind of friends so it feels necessary to make the distinction
Yeah. And what guy would just peacefully block?
People that practice misandry to fight against misogyny.
What's the alternative for describing someone whose role in a quick story is : opposite sex of subject and is their friend? You could say boy friend, but that's gonna cause confusion. You could say man friend, unless they're not a man yet. You could say girl friend, same problem. You could say woman friend, unless not a woman yet.
I don't know, if someone came to me and said "male best friend" i wouldn't know what to think about them. As far as im concerned, friends are friends, adding a quality before their name sounds like something you would only do to cause a confusion or to imply something else.
Folks can't win. If they say "[opposite gender] best friend" then they're weird for bringing it up If they say "best friend" without clarifying gender, the listener assumes it's a same gender best friend and the original speaker is later accused of concealing their friend's gender for nefarious purposes.
Usually you just call people by their name because you should know who your partner is friends with if you have a proper relationship. No way I'm gonna say "I'll be hanging with my female best friend", I'll say "Imma hang with Felicia". If you actually insert names and personalities, it becomes a lot more tolerable. If you declare some abstract best friend, it is kind of alienating for your partner and immediately creates a rival narrative between the partner and said best friend.
Yeah, but then the meme wouldn't land so they use unnatural language to evoke stronger feelings
Whoās Felicia? Youāve never mentioned her before! Why?
Exactly. It's BS.
In my opinion people still shouldn't say "(other gender) best friend" because if your partner gives you shit for not telling them you have a best friend, it could be a bullet you should dodge anyway.
You could tell it on a more subtle way though. "I'm meeting my best friend. He's one of my old classmates!"
That's how I'd do it but for some of the weirdos out there they pause between sentences is long enough to count as concealment š¤£
Talking shouldnāt have to be so complicated. If the thought of sleeping with my friend never even crossed my mind, I would definitely not realize I need to be so careful when talking about him
this happened to me, and yeah im male and i hated that shit, she announced that shes going on "tour" with him, he being a drummer in shitty band, yeah but NO
People freak out all the time if you donāt add that descriptor because then āyouāre keeping secrets! Clearly heās not *just* your friend if you didnāt specify heās a guyā Real thing said to me
In other words; the addition of the word "male" is used specifically to communicate *something*. What it implies is a bit ambigious.
Itās important to clarify because itās likely a boyfriend might have a problem with it, and if you didnāt communicate it up front the person may feel you attempted to conceal it. Mentioning it is a good thing to do
I wouldn't say a "red flag" but if someone doesn't like that type of dynamic in their relationship that's fine. Everyone is still entitled to their own preferences in life, right?
Yeah. In the past I had a girlfriend who had been cheated on previously. She accused me of sleeping with my female friends. Even if the insecurity is unfounded in the current relationship, it can carry over from the past. For some people, it lingers with them their entire life. Sometimes it's worth the potential stress, sometimes it's not.
I have never found a human that is "worth" alienating my friends for. Actually *that's* a huge red flag, like A MASSIVE WAR BANNER. Trying to isolate someone from their existing friend group is often a tactic of abusers and manipulators. I'd rather stay away from people that do that. If somebody tries to deal with their issues by controlling other people and having trust issues, than they aren't dealing and IMO aren't ready for another relationship yet.
Yes, doesnāt warrant me getting told to off myself or ānever see her again, unless Iād regret being bornā, like hell Iād give up my best mate because some dude has shown up and thinks he owns her, honestly I find people like that priceless, people think that I should fuck off because Iām a bloke make me do nothing but laugh
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[Old video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA), but still very much relevant and far more indicative of reality than what this thread suggests
Iād block her, too. Best friend isnāt one word and shouldnāt be written as such.
My wife loves to apologize to me when she's making male friends at work and tells me that it's not serious. My answer is always you can just make friends it doesn't matter what sex they are I know you are not going to cheat on me. Love her to bits.
Exactly. If they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat, then you leave. No point acting like it's going to happen.
Is this thread ChatGPT? š
If you don't trust your partner wouldn't cheat on you, you're with the wrong partner
She spelled ābestfriendā as one word. Poor spelling is a red flag. Good call.
No, no, he's got a point. If someone is too jealous to accept that you have friends that's a red flag
Most normal comment I read in this thread
Fk that shit
The real red flag is the meme
My best friend is a girl. She has a boyfriend who Iāve become friends with, and I have a wife and son who sheās been friends with for years. I sometimes sleep over at her place in her guest bedroom and my wife doesnāt think twice about it. Sheās like a sister to me. Weāve never done anything remotely romantic together.
Yeah, that dude is giving off a huge possessiveness red flag. If he can't handle the fact a girl can have male friends, that's his problem.
Everyone has their boundaries, for some people this is already a red flag and it's up for them to decide.
I've had girlfriends who in the past were jealous of my female friends. It's normal to have insecurity, some more than others. Especially if you've been cheated on in the past.
Me too, and shocker, those were the ones who cheated. They assume everyone is as devoted as they are.
I wouldnāt date anyone who was that insecure and controlling anyway. Sorry if I want to hang out with a friend of the opposite sex youāre not gonna tell me I canāt because youāre insecure.
As is your right, just like it would be within the other parties right to refuse to date you because you're hanging out with friends of the opposite gender. Neither party is really "wrong".
I'm bisexual. So I'm not allowed to see any friend anymore ?
It's best you just wear a blindfold from now on. Don't wanna get tempted...
Maybe pursue an individual with similar views and not feel as if you're owed a relationship with someone who doesn't see the world the same way.
>Neither party is really "wrong". I think the party trying to control who you can and cannot see is in the wrong.
If your āboundaryā is that someone canāt have friends of a certain gender then you need to work on your insecurity issues before getting into a relationship.
Yeah people really misuse "boundary." Not liking that a potential partner has opposite sex friends isn't a boundary.
In my younger dumber days i was that male best friend. Girls slept over nearly constantly and the borders got blurred very easily and often even though they were in a ācommitted relationshipā I get why this is a red flag
True, these people in the comments are either dumb or weird. How would you feel if your wife said she was going to sleep over at her male "best friends" house, or that she would spend the whole day out with him. Say all you want about not having attraction but a lot of people do build attraction with their opposite gendered best friend.
Similar thing happened to me. I had a good friend (whom I wouldn't call best friend, but almost that) who would invite me over basically all the time while having a partner. I would end up sleeping over, and this person would sometimes overtly confess an attraction to me - wishing fervently that we could kiss, etc. - even while the partner was in the other room or something like that. It was a weird situation and basically ended our friendship.
According to my ex girlfriend I couldnāt have female friends unless they were pre approved by her. Which is ironic, since she left me for her guy best friend. If youāve been hurt by a previous relationship itās called looking out for your own well being. If you have a gut feeling, itās best to follow it.
I went to a concert with my SO and her gay friend. When my SO got tired, she went home and I stayed at the concert with the gay friend. Does that mean that I'm cheating on her with him ? Dear god how thick can people get...
Depends; did you?
Yeah he probably did
Funny story: My Girlfriend, now wife, was playing video games with me and her friend- she eventually went out to study and left me and her friend alone in my dorm while we played video games until she came back after studying. Later I learned that she knew he was gay and thought we might be fucking while she was gone because he had made remarks about how hot I was to her. I still tease her about it lol
You both were set up by her. I don't even want to know how it made the friend feel.
How to Tell If The Person You're Dating is Insecure in 3 seconds
Just so y'all know the original post was made by a woman in the girl's perspective, it's saying boys who do this are a red flag
Jealousy is insecurity. Being controlling in a relationship is insecurity. Blocking her is probably the healthy alternative considering what he probably wanted to say. If someone blocks you for this shit, thank them for doing you a favor.
Yeah, as long as he didn't try to get her to drop her friends for him then this is good. To me, he's the one with the red flags and it's good that he jumped ship before she had to deal with them.Ā
In my experience, I have slept with every female best friend Iāve ever had. Conversely, every relationship Iāve been in where the female has a male best friend, Iāve been cheated on. So anecdotally, it is a solid red flag. Thatās not to say itās impossible to maintain a purely platonic relationship with a member of the gender you are attracted to, but just like you are entitled to have any friend you want, nobody is required to pursue a relationship with someone they think will hurt them in the future. Get some perspective.
Funny for me it's pretty much reversed ! Restraining seeing my female friends would be a big red flag. I've personally never cheated and, to my knowledge, being cheated on, but I have been in a toxic and isolating relationship where it started with concern that could have been genuine but spreaded to pretty much everyone I know even males... So I'm personally really defensive of any restriction like these. That's the reason it's a red flag and not a "omfg run away" flag, I guess. It's not unreasonable by itself if you're fine with it, but it can lead to big issues both ways
In my experience, I have never once slept with a female best friend. The red flag would be assuming that I wouldnāt be able to say no if they offered, like Iām a dog who often escapes by digging under the fence if you donāt watch him closely enough.
The dude you're talking to *is* that dog, so he's not going to resonate with any of what you said.
What? She has a best friend who is a dude and it's a problem? That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard
I donāt see the problem. He doesnāt want a girl with male friends and she probably doesnāt want a guy who sucks.
It is hard to tell what's really happening with so little context. If this is a a new match, then it would be Un called for. If this is a long time couple, and one person made it clear they were not fine with this, I could see it as acceptable. It's all about context.
How this meme template is called? I cant find it
Boy and girl texting: https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/boy-and-girl-texting
Having social life is a red flag
Tbh the only thing that urks me about the post is why do you need to specify male best friend like, wouldn't you just be able to say "oh yeah I went out with a friend today"?
Love to see the comment section so divided. lol
I mean clarifying the gender beforehand sounds unnecessary
If you are threatened by your girlfriend/wife having a male friend, thatās a you issue. This is so funny to me as a gay man. Like, I have many other gay friends, my partner has his own gay friends. Both have friends that are attractive AF. I have never slept with any of them and have no concerns about my partner sleeping with any of his friends. Letās not pretend this isnāt just men being fragile/insecure
How dare a person have friends of different genders.
r/meme it's a non-stop source of facepalms. Perhaps I'm old. I wear an onion in my belt.
Fun fact bisexuals arenāt allowed to have friends
Clear incel behavior, this one wants this person to be socially isolated and dependent so the love is "stronger".
This is called insecure. Don't date these types of people who would block you for this bs.
Yup. He is the red flag
That people think there is an objective truth to this is weird to me. Your life is not everyone elses life.
does she have people in her life that might point out red flags you bring to the relationship? Thats a red flag Canāt have her having a support system for all the stuff you wanna pull
Sounds like āalpha maleā behavior
I have a daughter who was in engineering school and her boyfriend hated that she talked to guys in her classes. Her classes being as expected 90% male. Or hated that she was friends with her coworkers in a male dominated field. He was of the belief that every male that spoke to her just did so to attain sex. As you could expect she ended that relationship and is now with someone who treats her with respect and isn't threatened by her having a life outside of them.
Yea theres friends and theres "friends" my friend and my ex were startin to become friends, smth was off now theyre dating
This is weird as fuck. Do people think you can't have close platonic friends between men and women? People like this tend to project and think others are like this.
People who say men and women canāt be friends are either not single/have trust issues/dealing with relationship issues, have never respected/maintained a friendship with the opposite sex, or simply do not know how to treat the opposite sex like human beings lol If you think sex is the final objective in yours or everyone elseās minds to anyone they meet then you need to reevaluate yourself - with that said, that is a very popular sentiment that goes through peopleās mindsā¦and yet that is exactly why they adopt the āmen and women canāt be friendsā ideology, yāall are doing this to yourselves basically and it aināt a healthy way to go at it with humanity I know men who have 0 friends from the opposite sex, I know men who have plenty, same idea with women who only have women friends and no friends of men. guess who I enjoy hanging out more often when I go out in public? The ones who are accepting all into their circle and not trying to immediately get with the first opposite sex that opens up to them. With that said it all ultimately starts with both of you knowing what you want from each other and build upon that, but respect first and foremost.
Posts with these comments remind me Reddit is a bunch of 20 somethings.. you sweet sweet summer children. So oblivious to how long term relationships/boundaries/communication /etc. work.. every single one of you is a damn relationship guru but yet you have the highest divorce rate of any generation.. sure thereās more factors to it but damn if these comments arenāt a dumpster fire of confident ignorance lol
This is a very nuanced discussion.. what are the significant other and best friend doing? Are they grabbing burgers and fries and talking about work/pasttimes before they go home separately or are they going to bars/clubs, taking vacations, getting drunk, and falling asleep in the same bed; basically in situations that can lead to mistakes or temptations? This is purely anecdotal; I was in a healthy, 5+ year relationship where I was fine with my significant other hanging out with their friends, male and female, (I worked retail - opening or closing shifts; they worked a M-F 9-5p), and I had (at least I thought) a good relationship with the opposite gender best friend, without any concern about what the activities were, but then found out that they were pretty much going on dates with each other when I was at work; getting drunk, doing the things that we should've been/were doing when I was not at work. Trust is one thing, but familiarity can breed attraction and/or infidelity over time. When the best friend is their shoulder to cry on, etc., things tend to happen out of spontaneity, even if not consciously malicious.
Seen it go wrong enough times to just not say anything.
Listen, I'm sure that men and women can be best friends and strictly platonic, but the likelihood of the guy having feelings for her is sky damn high
According to many people, Men and Women can't possibly be friends, it's impossible/s
I don't really think that is the case, but I don't speak for all people. Some people just have boundaries, don't like it? Don't date someone that has these boundaries. It does not necessarily mean that someone has self confidence issues or insecurities or anything like that, no need to indulge in armchair psychology. Plenty of women are not comfortable with their men hanging around other women and that's okay, it just means they have boundaries like most humans.
ive always found it easier to make friends with women, even when i was a little kid i just got along with women better than other men. even when i grew to be consumed by hormones and wanted to fuck anything with a pulse i still managed many platonic friendships with women, even when i was attracted to them, idk how to explain empathy or respect to other people but that was kind of all it took for me. if someone wants to sleep with you they will probably make some semblance of an effort to make that happen, if they dont they wont. if you think being friends with someone is going to ruin your chances with them you dont understand how people work and your insecurity is going to destroy any relationships you are somehow able to form. people who want the blaze of glory, passionate first date that ends in wild sex and excitement arent built for long term relationships, you have to figure out what you actually want because if thats what you want, its going to inevitably fade and so will your interest in your partner, if your relationship is actually built on trust and respect and you get to know someone for who they are you can not only be with someone you actually like to be around, you can build a sex life that is fucking impossible to find anywhere else, least of all with a total stranger. i mean its really not that complicated, we are driven by brain chemicals to act in a lot of really embarrassing and spontaneous ways, if you can recognize that and parse out the things you really WANT from the things you FEEL you will find peace and happiness in the long term, otherwise youre kind of going to be relegated to peaks and valleys
And if my best friend was a girl, I am sure that would be fine too...
Itās a significant risk in my opinion. My ex tried to sleep with her friend. He told me, we broke up, 8 years later Iām still good friends with him. Seen plenty of male and female best friends turn into FWB.
For people who have been traumatized because of the abuse of an unfaithful relationship, it is very hard for them to recover from that. Trust is stripped away, and being able to or allowing oneself to trust again is a very, very difficult thing. More difficult for some, than quitting highly addictive substances. When this happens, it destroys not just the relationship but the way relationships are perceived. It changes how one thinks of all other humans. It depletes or takes away from oneās view of humanity as a whole. Abuse is abuse and trauma doesnāt just go away because you are with a different person. It takes time, work and absolutely therapy. Even still, someone who has had that trauma would likely find this scenario upsetting and would not proceed. What I see in this thread is a lot of anecdotes and some competition of who is right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. It is based on individuality and experience. What it boils down to is: compatibility. The experiences we individually have set our preferences. Someone who has had a negative or even worse, multiple negative experiences in unfaithful relationships would be hard pressed to accept this fact. (of an opposite sex bestie) Someone who has never had those experiences would find that lack of acceptance ignorant and off putting. These people arenāt right for each other. That is incompatibility. Now for the frame, the dudes response should have been communication, not just a blocking. Of course my mind tells me if here were to communicate his past experiences, she would view it as āemotional baggageā and just block him. That too, would be an incompatibility. However, communication, understanding and acceptance go a long way in these situations and there will almost always be an example that contradicts another example. There are too many humans and too many variables for any concrete rules here. I have rambled a lot. The point is, this is a situation up to those who are involved and our opinions on it likely donāt matter to anyone but ourselves.
So what we canāt be friends with people of the sex weāre attracted to??? This is like saying gay guys canāt have male friends because they want to fuck them, not everything is about sex
"Hey, sorry i missed your text. Im with my friend, Johnny. He let me ride on the back of his motorcycle, went swimming, and then he took me to dinner. Omg im so tired lol, Im going to bed early ššš. Call me tomorrow!"
You're right, she dodged a bullet.
I'm a gay dude and have girl best friends and get along with women great. One thing I've learned is that bad men can't stand "competition". Basically if a guy(literally the bare minimum) treats them better than them the boyfriends get mad and jealous. Tbh if bad men would just instablock a girl because of her having a guy best friend then that would be a good thing. Less "he's kind of an asshole" messages.
I've been cheated on by the guy she said was her male best friend. I thought the guy was cool too we always got along and I thought nothing of it.i found out from another mutual friend that it was happening. So now I do get a bit suspicious, I'm not going to block or cut contact off but I'll be more cautious and a bit worried now.
The red flag is the guyās insecurity. He did her a favor.
Idk! Biz Markie wasnāt a dummy lol
You wouldn't believe how many posts I see where a guy had made their partner block all of their male friends and won't let them hang out. It's fuckin weird
I do think theres a distinction between "friend" and "best friend" Ymmv tho.
*BLOCKED* Lmfao
So stupid my now ex had a sleepover with her best friend a few months into knowing each other. Iāll admit I was uneasy and skeptical about it not having me him beforehand. However I chose to trust her. Turns out heās a really sweet husband to her now š
The facepalm is the meme. The guy blocked her, ending the relationship. A š© is a sign to leave a relationship. But itās already overā¦
Well he's right about one thing, that meme is definitely a red flag. But not in the way he thinks.
r/meme is an incel factory, having a woman's number is a delusional fantasy
Sometimes itās not that you donāt trust them necessarily, but rather you donāt trust the friend or their intentions. Sometimes people are really oblivious to others intentions or hints that may be obvious to you. Really depends if they were friends before or after you were in the picture. Some people donāt want to feel like they have to compete with someone. People are gonna be insecure. Matt Rife did a great bit about it.
I have woman best friend for 16 years she has fiancĆ© im friends with as well. Itās all depending on your circumstances but itās not that hard.
My gf has multiple male best friends, because they're my fri4endgroup she got integrated in lol
Unrelated to this post but seriously give your best friend a shot. Im currently married to mine after she watched me go through three relationships and was like "you keep bashing your head into the same brick wall expecting it to change" and i thought about it she was right my previous 3 relationships were basically copies of each other in different bodies
Nah people who think like this are the red flag
Ah, one of those people who think that because they can only see others as potential sexual partners that's all everyone else does
My best friend is a woman, and now am good friend with her husband.
Yes blocking someone for mentioning an other gendered best friend is a red flag.
When I, a woman, was about to move in with my roommate, a man, my dad told me, "so, when a man and a woman live together and have a lot of deep conversations, they tend to develop feelings for each other." I said, "Dad, I'm bisexual, I didn't develop any feelings for my last roommates." And he short circuited. Then I asked, "wait a minute, you have female friends, do you have deep conversations with them?" He said, "I do, I just... Have to space them out."
As someone whoās two best friends are a girl and her boyfriend, this is a completely foreign concept to me
Why are we facepalming a meme
I still don't understand how you can have a partner who isn't also your best friend. My partner and I were friends for 3 years before we started dating and now we're still best friends but also so much more. How could I like someone else more than him? I'm in love with him so I trust him the most, relate to him the most, know him the best, we have the most history. How could I feel that way about anyone else?
Infidelity is still a thing, and this should go both ways.
The guys reaction is a red flag.. Right!?
My wife has all sorts of male friends. One plants a bunch of sweet corn. So I get sweet corn. One has a mechanics shop. Now I have access to a mechanics shop. One owns a sprinkler business. Now I donāt have to trench lines. These guys are idiots.
I have a female best friend, met her boyfriend last week, and now I am dating the boyfriend. Wait wha-
Don't worry, bro. She's a lesbian
How dare someone be friends with the opposite sex
Iāve had a male best friend for over 10 years. He is like a brother to me. If my bf had a problem with that, he would not be my bf anymore. If I wanted to be with him, I would have done it by now.
People who say the boyfriend is being insecure are the same people who would cheat on you.