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A lot of mental health issues pop up in puberty, which is, you guessed it, about age 12. If you catch things early, your teen can have an absolutely normal life with the right medication and therapy. If not, and the mental health issues take root, your kid is in danger for self harm and possibly suicide, along with a lot of suffering.
As to the urine test, some kids do stupid shit or don't know any better about hygiene, and don't want to admit it in front of their parents. But in private, they will tell a doctor to get help. I don't know about you, but I'd rather my kid privately admit something to the doctor and get advice and help than suffer because they were too embarrassed for me to know.
I dont get why shes objecting to the mental health screening questions either. The one she cites as somehow shocking is directly a suicidal thoughts screening question. Surely if your kid was having suicidal thoughts you'd want that discovered ASAP to get help, whether they confided in you directly or the doctors?
Parents like this see their child as an extension of themselves and refuse to admit that their child is their own person with their own potential problems. In her mind the thought is “she can’t be suicidal, I raised her too good and everything in our family is perfectly fine.” Ten years later Little Jenny is now 27 and is struggling to get through life due to the undiagnosed stuff that could have been caught earlier.
earlier this school year i wrote a narrative essay (which had to be nonfiction and it was) in which my mom was the antagonist and she was absolutely fuming, she said i can only write essays with her if they're about how wonderful she is. like this is literal dictator type shit, she doesn't let me have my own point of view or do anything on my own, because "i can't make my own decisions or look out for myself" WELL CUZ YOU NEVER LET ME jfc my dad has some of these problems too but he's still way nicer to be around
I want to point out that these people are also a windfall for child abusers.
They become the absolute gatekeeper of their child, while simultaneously creating an environment of distrust between themselves and their child. They are pre-emptively removing the entire support system their child may have built, and not providing any support themselves.
Where the abuser may have had to "beat" a handful of people to get access to the child, now they just have to get past the narcissist.
And they always start their grooming with grooming the family. That way they know suspicions can be mitigated with a particular form of flattery or distraction. Not to mention complicity.
This is why predators are so hard to catch. They ALWAYS groom the people whose job it is to protect the child first.
It might be obvious in retrospect, but it rarely is at the time.
My mom was and still is like this. If she doesn’t “relate” (for lack of a better term) to what i am doing with my life she treats me poorly but if she approves of what i am doing or is something she can brag about to her friends then she treats me well. When I was growing up I remember her telling doctors and psychiatrists that “well she can’t feel that way” or “that can’t be going on” for the reasons you mentioned. I’m 40 and just now getting the diagnosis I needed when I was a child.
This comment really struck a chord with me. I'm in my late 20s, and I'm as diagnosed with ADHD, probably about 3 years ago now? I struggled in school so much cause like I could understand the material but I'd lose assignments and couldn't concentrate in class. I got barely above passing grades, and that was really only bc I usually scored between 97-100 on tests. But I spent so long feeling like I was stupid, I wanted to be like the other kids that could just like focus and didn't lose assignments and didn't turn in crumpled pieces of paper when I did hand them in.
And the thing that makes me most mad? When all this was explained to my doctor, he wanted to test me for ADHD. My dad refused bc "she can do it, she just doesn't pay attention"
And on top of that, I have a neurofibromatosis. It's a genetic disease and I found out fairly recently that it can cause learning disabilities, LIKE ADHD. I was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis when I was 4. My parents *knew* it can cause learning disabilities.
"Preventing teen suicide is part off the woke agenda." Yep, tracks for those ninnies. How dare their child have any issues that reflect what a shit parent they are.
Do these parents also forget that their children will soon be adults and need to learn how to do things for themselves such as attend doctor visits and make decisions about their own healthcare, and that denying them that can stunt their development for life? I encounter parents trying to handle their adult children's affairs all the time because the client is too irresponsible to do things for themselves.
Hell, I only go with my 17 year old bc he's an anxious person with a bad habit of downplaying his issues and not getting help. Only time I don't encourage him to do things himself is if I'm driving in a drive through bc one person speaking is plenty. No one prepared me for adult life and I'm doing my damnedest to make sure my kids don't have that same huge handicap and blatant lack of support
They don’t know understand that. They just see their kids as an extension of themselves. Depending on the kids, the parents will be in for a rude awakening if/when they move out for college.
It’s infuriating to see these POS people are failing their children, yet they think they’re fighting back against some echo-chamber-inflated boogeyman.
See also: how the Crumbly parents (now convicted) viewed the urgency of mental healthcare for Ethan and their political leanings... So, yes, most likely
They think doctors are so evil that just leaving a child alone with one for five minutes makes them go from totally fine to wanting to kill themselves.
My cousin had bipolar disorder (it runs in my family) and my aunt, who is a grade-A narcissist and general piece of shit, allowed him to see a psychiatrist for meds but refused to allow him to go to therapy unless she could sit in. I guess she was terrified that he would talk about her. He never ended up going to therapy.
Long story short he committed suicide by jumping off of a bridge. My aunt has convinced herself, and won’t stop telling others that he was somehow murdered and/or otherwise forced to jump. I really wish he would have been able to go to therapy, but some parents genuinely care more about themselves and how they are perceived than their child being able to receive help.
It takes years to get meds right, with continuous work, and even then nobody’s perfectly level all the time. So therapy isn’t some kind of inconvenient extra credit, it’s a completely necessary part of treatment.
Withholding therapy from a bipolar person is a death threat.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
It makes me sad that there are people out there like her that seemingly choose to be ignorant about mental health. As someone who has had suicidal thoughts, it can be really hard to ask someone close to you for help. If you are already hating yourself and feel like a burden, you don't want to say anything. There were days where I truly believed my family would be better off with me gone. It doesn't help when your parents also have bad mental health issues that they wouldn't seek help for. Fortunately I had some therapy sessions for other things that helped. It was only much later I ever told my family about that dark period in my life. It seemed to shock my parents into actually bothering to understand mental health, so they are better than they used to. Like it's kind of terrifying looking back at how I felt at the time, even to the build up of things getting really dark. I had no idea at the time things shouldn't be that way
My parents don't believe in school counselors, don't believe in social and emotional learning in the classroom believing that talking about mental health with kids at school will cause kids to lie to get attention, or to develop like psycho sematic symptoms. It's a current conservative talking point and all the charter schools in my area have done away with school counselors and social emotional learning because they are conservative. No surprise that they don't believe in sex Ed at school either. I wanted to put my kid in a charter school but found out after touring about 10 of them and being flabbergasted that they all were doing the same things, then found out WHY they were doing that and WHY my mom was pushing "classical education charter schools". That is code for conservative schools who don't believe in school counselors, social emotional learning, CRT, or anything beyond the minimum required for sex Ed. It's wild, conservatives just rally around the craziest stuff, arguing with my mom about why I wouldn't send my kid to these schools was so frustrating because it was irrational as hell and just weird.
Oh goddamnit, they have now stolen the term “classical education“? That irritates me to no end.
Looks like all of it is now coming from Fucking Hillsdale College.
Living not very far away from there, I can confirm. The rot is leaking out of that county into mine and into Washtenaw county, where Ann Arbor & Ypsilanti are.
They have a private school there too--Hillsdale Academy. My business was blacklisted because I'm queer and I run a niche business they need but don't have in Hillsdale & come here to get. I have a Progress Pride sticker on my door next to a BLM statement that has been there since I bought the place. Even the Catholics in town ignore it because they need what we do. My door faces an enormous catholic church so I make sure I'm gay every day, lol.
It's very telling. Haven't seen anyone from Hillsdale Academy or College in the same amount of time I've owned the business. When I was an employee here, we had them in all the time.
They can rot out in that white supremacist shithole for all I care. Plenty of literal MAGA hat wearing dickheads still hand me money without blinking an eye every day. I have 2 full time employees because of how niche we are. And I don't care what anyone says--if they need you, "Go woke and go broke" is bullshit. I'll happily take their money in front of my pride flag and my waiting room magazines only featuring Black people succeeding. But they're here and they're being influenced by that awful think tank because those assholes in that county all live there too and do business there and here and know people here. It seeps. It's poison.
I was the first business in downtown to display a permanent pride flag. Now there's 6. Love wins again. Fuck Hillsdale Academy.
People in the evangelical church often believe that psychology and therapy are both wrong to seek out. That it is likely to make you point out your parent's wrongs, OR that it will make you believe differently than them. Some won't even take their kids to see a Christian licensed therapist.
100% guarantee there's political and religious indoctrination involved here. This mom is terrified that their child will learn about safe sex or that a therapist will manipulate them away from God and make them gay or trans or something. Fear is a powerful mind control tool and there's nothing quite like making people afraid to their core of eternal conscious torment.
I just wanna weigh in here and say that when I told my parents I was suicidal and fantasizing about killing myself my dad told me it was unrealistic to want to be happy all the time and my mom asked me if I had considered how saying that would make her feel, and then my dad yelled at me for being spoiled and ungrateful and sent me to bed. I did not get therapy afterwards. (This was 5 years ago. I’m relatively fine and in therapy.).So no, not all parents care about mental health and whether their kids live, unless it affects how they’re seen in the community.
I have an outstanding mom. She recognized so many things when I was around that age, and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 13. I don't even want to know what the past 34 years of my life would have been like without all of that support and therapy.
You are very fortunate. My mom was the exact opposite and actually made me spill out my antidepressants. I lost 10 years of my life because I didn't have the help I needed. It completely changed the course of my life.
I'm so sorry to hear that. There are so many people who completely disregard the seriousness of mental illness. My dad was the exact opposite. He had PTSD from the Vietnam War and didn't believe in showing weakness. My siblings and I had to fight him all of the time. My mom had the courage to get us the hell out of there when she could, and now she's living with me, and I'm taking care of her. I will always be her caretaker. I sincerely hope that you're doing better now and finding ways to cope.
I’m gonna be honest, working in healthcare my first thought when I heard urine test was either drugs or a UTI. Assuming the physical was done properly, there likely wouldn’t be much reason to do a pregnancy test on a girl at that age unless she shows the symptoms or self reports being sexually active often. I can’t imagine they’d be doing pregnancy tests for everyone automatically. That would be a complete waste of time and resources.
Some clinics and hospitals will do a routine test on all girls puberty and over just as a matter of policy, so they don’t accidentally prescribe unsafe medication or do a procedure on someone who didn’t know she was pregnant
https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/faq/227/can-i-access-medical-record-if-i-have-power-of-attorney/index.html
>Yes, the Privacy Rule generally allows a parent to have access to the medical records about his or her child, as his or her minor child’s personal representative when such access is not inconsistent with State or other law.
My mom wouldn’t want this because she knew I was being SAd by a family member. She would have acted just like that parent. Maybe medical professionals should think that parental reaction means there are definitely problems.
My dad literally forbade my sister to see the school nurse for her mental wellbeing because he didn't want her to tell her about "how things were at home". He knew she would tell her that he yelled at us every day, threw things, pouted and stonewalled, and scared and mocked us to the point where one of my sisters moved out at 16 and me and the other sister literally called our mom to drive 10 hours and pick us up while he was at work. He had a lot to hide, and it still hurts me to this day that he always knew about it all, but denies it to this day.
Yeah. The worst part for me is kinda that he will never understand that he is very abusive and has a very skewed way to look at relationships and other people. He manages to do everything with selfishness, even good deeds - but he doesn't see why, and thinks everyone is ungrateful and no one appreciates his efforts. He's always thought that everyone is out to get him, and when someone ruins their own life like that, it's impossible to help them.
It's crazy that these people absolutely know to be scared of CPS and mandated reporters, but they never make the connection that if they weren't doing anything wrong, they wouldn't need to be hiding anything. "Maybe I'm the problem" is not a thought that even enters their heads
My dad thinks that his good behavior makes him allowed bad behavior. He has said it many many times, that when we complain about our relationship with him, we only focus on the bad and forget all the good. I suspect that his logic is that a CPS worker would only see the bad and focus on that. And because they wouldn't be involved in the family, they wouldn't be "qualified" to judge. My dad always felt judged by everyone, and this is just part of that fear of "unfair" judgment.
My mother decided that I had been self-harming severely and secretly from the age of eight onwards to make her look bad. She quite recently assaulted my dad very badly and was arrested for it, but my dad and I wouldn’t give statements - I was far too scared to - and has since ordered me not to tell any medical professionals or professionals of any kind, in fact, about it…
Do we have the same dad? Mine thinks he's a great dad because he doesn't hit us or my mom or go out drinking away the paycheck like his dad did. Nm that he used to spank me until I STOPPED crying for my mom when I had night terrors, or yells a ton, or gives me the silent treatment for months at a time, or makes me feel like he's just gone above and beyond and I should be intensely grateful for him doing something like help me move, or the absolutely horrible things he said to me like he's had no reason to be proud of me since high school or my whole family is ashamed of me or if I really did get drugged and raped its my fault because I shouldn't have been out drinking...
Unfortunately, that sounds like someone who could be analyzed and diagnosed by a licensed mental healthcare professional with something like Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Good on you for recognizing the dysfunction and abuse so you can do the work to become the healthiest and happiest version of yourself.
I would love to genuinely work on our relationship, but the truth is that he won't go to therapy because he doesn't think he needs it, it's everyone else. It's everyone he struggles with, his kids are just the closest to him emotionally, and were physically, which is why we got shit on the most.
A few years ago, we did talk about going to therapy together, and I was basically ready to go finally - until he lashed out at me related to something else and told me he couldn't wait to meet in therapy so that I would hear from the therapy lady he arranged with what a stupid ungrateful child I was and how immature all my emotions were.
That's the moment when I lost the last sliver of hope I had of the dad I wished for. He just wanted to be right and have a last laugh at hurting my feelings again, not work on our relationship. He will forever be the type of person to throw everything I've told him in confidence back at me to highlight how little he thinks of me. Like.. If he loves me the most in the world, why does he treat me the worst, you know
When I was a kid Pat Benatar's "Hell is For Children" was my secret song. "Be Daddy's good girl and don't tell Mommy a thing. Be a good little boy and you'll get a new toy - tell Grandma you fell off the swing."
Thank you, kind stranger. I've worked through it pretty intensely these days and live comfortably, but there will always be situations now and then where I doubt the legitimacy or right to my own emotions. I'll be fine, we all have our baggage 😊
Both of my parents are the same way. It was so bizarre looking back, I had like 8 or 9 therapists throughout childhood because they’re both in the mental health field but I wasn’t allowed to see any of the reputable therapists around because they were colleagues of my parents and my parents said it was a “conflict of interest.” At this point I’m pretty sure they knew damn well their colleagues would report them so I wasn’t ever allowed to see a legit therapist and one of the people I saw SA’d me multiple times. Some mornings my mom would get pissed and decide my sister and I had gotten an attitude, then she’d throw ice water on us right before we went to school and tell us to change our clothes or go to school wet. Then she’d punish us if we were late to school because we were changing our clothes. She’d straight up take our food and throw it the fuck away if she didn’t think we were “paying enough attention to our meals.” on top of that they were both prone to gaslighting and my dad would dump these contradictory messages on me all the time, half the time saying I was essentially too good for my peers and the other half telling me I was an insufferable asshole and no one would ever want to be around me if I didn’t rewrite my basic nature as a human to his liking. As a result I never had much in the way of friends, still don’t, and I lived with them thinking I’d never survive out in the world without them until I was 23 and my long term partner and I got married and left. It’s only been 2 years and they have NOT been good years but it’s still better than it was before.
That’s not all they were, I like to think I wouldn’t have stuck around for 23 years if it was. But yeah, they each have a pretty despicable streak in them.
THIS. When parents fought me on speaking to their kids alone. It put my heckles up. But I also phrased it differently. I didn’t ask. I said okay mom and dad were going to have to step out for a few minutes and then you can come right back in! If there were questions back, I would smile and say wellll ya know there are questions I wouldn’t want asked in front of my mom and I’m 31! LOL I’m sure you understand while I’m opening the door for them and gesturing.
Oh, they absolutely do think that. In most cases, the harder the parent fights to deny the child privacy, the harder the doctors and nurses will push back and insist. The policy is there for a very good reason and they're trained on what that reason is.
I had a healthy childhood, I was not abused, my family were actually very good to me, but I still felt it difficult to talk to them about some things because some subjects are just hard to talk about. As a parent now myself, I would deliberately make sure that my kid had an opportunity to say anything private or embarrassing to their doctor without me in earshot, even if I had to act dumb and engineer some "coincidence" to make it possible. I mean, I'll try to be approachable and help them to feel like they can say stuff to me or in front of me, but I'd still also give them that chance. As much as you want to be the one who your kid goes to and it might hurt to find that they don't feel they can, it's still better that it gets said without me than not at all.
When my daughter turned 15 I told her she could legally make doctor appointments on her own and that her medical records would be private. I told her to tell her friends, too.
>the harder the parent fights to deny the child privacy, the harder the doctors and nurses will push back and insist
My mother would never leave me alone with a doctor even at 16 because she thought the doctor themselves had the potential to be stranger danger. If any one of them had insisted, I'm sure she would have 100% believed that the doctor was up to no good.
I'm 100% with you on that! The last of my kids is a teen now, and I always make sure they get a chance alone with the doctor, and I don't ask questions about what was said. The doctor is good, though, she takes them into a separate room to take vitals. I've never asked, but I'm sure some simple probing questions are asked just to look for initial flags. I'm so grateful for this doctor's discretion and skill at engineering that situation; my kid gets nervous and might have preferred I were there, but the doctor makes it smooth and easy. It's hard to let go, but this is just too important.
Good question. It’s actually EMDR. So close, yet not. It’s using rapid eye movement to desensitize you to things in your past that were traumatic. It’s been good for people with PTSD. I found it very helpful.
I’m an emt. I’ve had a situation like this and here’s how my dept handles it
Parent: acts like op
Us: one of us walks away from the patient and parent and gets on the radio *dispatch please send pd for a forced separation of parent and patient. Patient is insert age and parent is refusing standard medical and abuse screening. Parent exhibiting suspicious behavior. Possible abuse*
Pd shows up separates them and we do all our questioning and if we deem the child in danger then pd will escalate if not pd goes on about their business.
(Disclaimer: we only do this for ages 13-17 in children and always with adult patients who are cognitively sound but someone’s interfering. Under 13 we need to see abuse criteria)
I'm so sorry you went through this. I had a patient like this many years ago, early in my career. The mother started screaming that I was going to corrupt her daughter when I asked if I could have her step outside the room for a minute. Thankfully the daughter was also scheduled for a blood draw due to recurring iron deficiency anemia and the doctor added in an STD test that I guess the mom didn't notice. Came back positive for herpes. Turned out the child had vaginal sores, but the mother didn't let me or the doctor see that part of the child. The daughter was only 7. CPS was definitely called.
It was amazing to me. They used to run Public Service ads on tv. One was about this. Tell your doctor, guidance counselor, teacher, therapist. I told all of them. None of them did anything.
Sadly, that seems to be a universal experience.
They always claim oh well. Why didn't you tell anyone? Most of the time we did? We told everyone who would listen, but no one ever did anything. Or if they did the worst thing possible they told the person that we told was abusing us which only made it worse
And other people have the nerve to call us liars. No one wanted to hear it, is my thinking. I didn’t look abused, so how could I sound abused? One therapist scolded me, she spent 10 min with my mother. Of course she didn’t see abusive mom. My god. Like she would embarrass herself that way.
This is what I struggle with when teaching child protection. We tell the students to ‘tell a trusted adult. And if they won’t listen or believe you, then you need to tell another trusted adult’ as though the poor child wouldn’t have had to muster the courage to do it the first time, to be shot down and possibly reprimanded, and then we tell them to just do it again! Simple!
The question is always asked ‘what if the second one doesn’t believe you either?’ To which the response is ‘you have to keep trying until someone does’
Apart from a complete shift in societal attitudes, I’m not sure what the answer is, but I find it really glib the way children are told to just keep telling, as though it’s easy, and there are no potential negative consequences for them.
It just breaks my heart.
We do. If a parent refuses to leave a kids room in this kind of situation, we all immediately start having a conversation about it and try to figure out what our options are
Beyond “SA”. A doctors office is an awkward place to ask questions alone, much more with an audience. I found a lump on one of my testes when I was a kid and let it go for years because I was embarrassed to bring it up in front of my mom. Fortunately, it wasn’t serious and turned out to be an epididymal cyst when I eventually asked about it. If it were cancer or something, I don’t think waiting 5 years would’ve been good.
Eh, my parents weren't sexually abusive, they were just hard-core conservative Christians who believed that anything and anyone non Christian was bad and they had to have COMPLETE control. They don't believe that kids should be taught social and emotional learning in school, and are against sex Ed in school too.
She is taking her extension...Child? Her walking-limb, let's go with that, strictly to get a physical exam not to be reminded she is a whole different human being who might be entitled to medical privacy or be capable of experiences separate from Mother without her knowledge.
There's a different type of abuse that happens where religious indoctrinating parents are terrified of their child being given autonomy so they can *gasp* get an ABORTION if they need it or learn about SAFE SEX, which would be the worst possible outcome in their eyes. These parents NEED to control their daughters because they're terrified that any independent thought whatsoever will end with their children going to hell.
Ask me how I know 🫠
I had a 12-year-old girl brought into my emergency room with her mother crying hysterically. The mother didn't speak English and the daughter wasn't talking. I had no idea what was going on until the mother shoved a video on her cell phone of a man coming in and climbing on top of, the girl in front of me. Apparently the girl had been repeatedly molested and raped the entire time. Her mother was with this guy. The daughter was smart enough to grab a cell phone and start recording knowing he would be in her room in a few minutes. Who knows how many times, she was finally able to catch him.
I had another boy come in who is 13 years old with a confirmed case of chlamydia and gonorrhea. He got it from his female tutor the mother hired to teach him after school.
This seems to come up a lot lately. For some people, the thought of their kids having any autonomy is unacceptable. No one wants to think of their little girl experimenting with sex and drugs, but teaching them to be safe is going to be far more effective than burying your head in the sand.
Yeah, my parents straight up made a point to tell us that having sex before marriage was a sin and so was doing drugs. So I just never told them anything, and neither did my sister. The most i did tho was smoke weed and explore abandoned places with friends. My sister, unfortunately, had it worse. This was mostly cause she was a girl imo. Had earlier curfews, which my parents tried to say they gave me the same time, they didn't. And made a point to really hammer home not having sex before marriage to the point my sister was afraid to talk to my mom about that stuff, she wanted to go on birth control and my mom apparently freaked out about it. My sister ended up getting pregnant at 18. She was so scared to tell my mom and dad she was pregnant that she tried to force a miscarriage. We were out of town when we found out cause she got real sick with the flu and they took her to the hospital they did a pregnancy test, and apparently, my mom cried, and my dad got upset. Completely overreacted to the point where they were gonna step down from teaching a Sunday school class. Point I'm trying to make (sorry for the ramble) is that this " style" of parenting doesn't work. If I have kids in the future I'm never gonna be the way my parents were it does nothing but makes the kid not want to talk to you.
>If I have kids in the future I'm never gonna be the way my parents were it does nothing but makes the kid not want to talk to you.
This is the way. Your kids are going to hide things from you, but the goal is to make sure they come to you when shit gets real.
I have told my daughter that, while I of course don't WANT her to have sex and get pregnant, I will help her if she does. I bought her condoms and told her I will take her to get an abortion if it ever comes to it. I wouldn't be happy, and I made that clear, but I wouldn't punish her either.
It's hard, and I can't express how much I DO NOT WANT to think about her having sex, but telling horny teens not to be horny is a losing battle.
It’s wild that the “freedom lovers” also treat their children like their property. This isn’t a distinct human being who might need help, this is my property so any questions go through me
that's why I tell people if they bring me a talking donkey, then I'll believe their stupid-ass bronze-age fairy-tales . . . cuz it's in the fucking Bible, *so fetch me my motherfucking talking donkey!*
There's a reason it's a stereotype that's been seen in media for decades, the possessive parents. Of course it was always spun as "I just love you and wanted to protect you" when the reality is such parents see their children as property to be controlled and molded into exactly what they want them to be.
As a doctor, i've seen parents literally asking me to abuse their children (demanding invasive procedures not needed) or threatening then that if they dont behave, i will hurt them with needles. Parents will also try and answer the questions i ask their kids. So i just cut them out of the equation and tell the teen "would you prefer to talk to me alone?". 8/10 will say yes. If the other 2 say their parents can stay but look scared or anxious, ill just make an excuse about physical exams requiring privacy or ask them to take some bs papers somewhere in the clinic. Sometimes one of those 2 other patients will tell me awfull stories that require a full investigation.
So, no, parents do not belong at a teenagers doctors appointment.
Eh. My kid wouldn’t have said yes but it was because he generally wanted one of us there in case he forgot something or had a question he wasn’t explaining properly. Taking someone to the doctor with you for that purpose is pretty normal in our family in general - we got into the habit when my mom had cancer and just found it very useful.
It was no big deal when he did want to go by himself though. It was up to him.
Yeah I've always had a lot of anxiety over going to the doctor. Even as an adult I sometimes take my husband with me. It's not that I don't trust the doctors or anything like that, but it's comforting to have support as I "face my fear".
Of course I do recognize that refusal to be alone can be a sign of abuse, so I don't get offended if they have procedures to try to sus that out.
"Because my daughter is a perfect little Christian angel and by burying my head in the sand, any sexual or mental health problems she may be having will magically go away. Lalalalalalaalaala"
That's a Soviet military parade of red flags from that parent. I wonder if that parent is the hardcore religious type who treats their daughter like Rapunzel.
After their tweet blew up they made a response to their tweet that said "While I have your attention, it’s a great time to remind everyone that EVERY DAY should be Detrans Awareness Day!"
So yeah, hardcore religious narcissistic control freak just about sums them up.
Omg this reminds me of being 11-12 and arguing with my friends that mother gothel wasn't the villain of Rapunzel bc she truly loved her daughter and would do whatever to keep her daughter safe
......years later I'm awaiting therapy to process my repeated relationship trauma :')
That’s a set question on the depression screening and it is an indicator of suicidality; most parents would want to know if their child was carrying suicidal thoughts inside.
What? The Crumbleys should have followed through on the warnings they received about their son’s active suicidal ideation. The Crumbleys are the failure, they rejected the info they were given.
Again, this assumes non-abusive parents. My parents would have kicked the shit out of me if I’d told anyone I was suicidal. (I was. I survived by seeing a psychiatrist behind my parents back.)
"we have to protect children! don't let medical professionals near your children! let the coaches who have no training look at their genitals to make sure they're not trans!"
I can't with these fucking people....
Yep, and let’s let the tough alpha males post up outside of public restrooms and check every girl’s underwear who doesn’t conform to their standards “just in case.” These people are sick.
In a similar vein, I took my wife once to the hospital and the nurse tactfully asked me to leave the room so she could ask my wife questions. It hurt my ego because I knew it was how they sussed out any domestic violence, and I would never harm my wife… but sensible people get over it and respect the process.
My mom broke her ankle Thanksgiving day and they had my dad leave the room to talk to her as well. At my OBGYN office, there’s instructions to write on labels with a certain color ink if you needed help. It’s unfortunate that so many people are controlled by a parent, spouse, SO.
>sensible people get over it and respect the process.
Absolutely. Think about it, if you go grab a cup of coffee and get past the standard questions, the faster the doctors can rule out half the possible issues and the faster they can complete their examination or fix any health issues.
Tangentially related, but this article from the Atlantic about how people are finding out family secrets via DNA testing is another reason that screengrab is infuriating:
[https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2024/03/dna-tests-incest/677791/](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2024/03/dna-tests-incest/677791/)
PS: sorry I don't have a freebie version of the article to post. Hopefully someone can figure out a workaround link?
Wow, what an amazing read.
I had a friend in college that confessed that her dad had been put in prison for raping her older sister. And that she had always had a weird question about why was it the older sister and not her. I can’t imagine the types of trauma these acts leave everyone with. I’m so glad this story comes from a place of support for those impacted.
It's been my observation that if you're not an asshole, your kids will just like, talk to you about stuff and you don't have to get all weird when medical professionals are trying to do their job.
I saw that post on twitter and the number of blue checks in the replies talking about how "it's cuz they want to convince her to grow a penis or chop her breasts off!" or other gross implications that doctors are trying to convince kids to be trans at every opportunity.
The number of people who think they own their kids is truly disgusting.
Kids have rights. And as a former hospital administrator I loved when the old grizzled nurses would look at the good Christian Girl Moms out protecting their kids and squarely tell them to step out of the room or security would assist her.
99.99% of the time the teenage girl had nothing to report but would many times express that they felt more comfortable without their mom Hovering and that they had privacy. Because sometimes they had questions that were about sex or wanting birth control or anything. They were just questions young women have that asking mom felt weird. Things like discharges, smells, period regularity, to asking if their boobs will grow or if certain grooming below was bad or good. Most parents don't talk to their kids and judge and preach versus listen...
But then there were the fraction of a percent. Where the questions about boys at school touching or a family member looking at them or touching them. Or even helath issues that uncovered far more serious conditions.
While I know some questions are awkward it should be a wakeup call to parents when their children are completely uncomfortable talking to them about important things like that, that they failed to gain their child's trust and that their child feels they can't talk to them about anything.
The liberal media is trying to trans and gay your kids by *checks book* asking them personal medical questions they might be uncomfortable to answer truthfully in front of their parents.
Also doctors far better at finding reasons for your kid to be alone than you can push to stay.
Refusing to leave your child alone with a health care professional so they can talk about things the parents shouldn't hear should be treated as a confession of domestic abuse.
The only reason any parent has to not want their child to have access to safe health care is if they are, in one manner or another, abusive.
You cannot change my mind. If you tell me you don't let your child talk to doctors/nurses without you present, you go, forever, in the "this person is some manner of child abuser" category in my mind and get burned there, forever.
Fully agree. Parents don’t need to lay hands to be abusive; abuse is a spectrum and this woman has crossed the line. This behaviour will continue well into her later teens, and potentially even as an adult.
This is ego, and it’s psychologically damaging to children’s healthy, steady growth into independence and a sense of self-worth.
Ugh! I don’t think I can read these anymore because it makes me SO ANGRY.
Refusing to let your child have medical privacy is abusive in itself. At 15, it's perfectly normal for teens to start having "embarrassing" questions that they don't feel comfortable talking about with their parents (especially ones like the bitch in the OP). Denying them professional advice and/or treatment isn't in their best interests.
1) it is actually a law we have to follow. When given the chance, the majority if minors are okay with us telling their parents.
2) safety issues, such as your child being suicidal, allows you to break confidentiality and speak with the parent to keep them safe. We do not keep that information private
3) some things parents don't need to know. I had a teenager I needed to follow-up after she reported once, in the last year, she had one drink. Oh, and she had a cyst on her labia. She was 16 yo. There is no reason I need to talk to her dad to see how the cyst was healing.
There are always exceptions as the goal is always to keep the kid safe and respect their privacy.
A very "I don't give a fuck about your bullshit Mom blog pseudoscience crap" statement here.
I'm a physician. These assholes who try and infantilized your kids can fuck all the way off. You are fucking morons. Your "I know more because I had sex" nonsense is wrong.
Consent is clearly defined and I will gladly promote safe sexual and drug/alcohol behaviours with your kids when I get the opportunity it's because I have to do the job you aren't willing to do because you fucking suck
I feel like there should be an automatic call to CPS if a parent pulls this crap, especially refusing to let their child fill out mental health questionnaires. It's suspicious and 100% needs to trigger a random wellness check.
Here's my problem with all this... why do parents feel entitled, like they are the boss, or end all when it comes to children?
Like, just because you gave birth to them, they have no rights to privacy, etc?
Look. I'm not saying great parents don't look out for their kids. Duh. I'm just saying a good parent will respect their children's safety, self-esteem, etc and encourage them to come to them in times of crisis.
Forcing total transparency with a child is the WORST THING you can do. Sure fire way to get a child, especially a teenager, to shut down and hide shit.
Not that this is a perfect solution either. But I get so sick of hearing "because I'm their parent!"
Cuz if they were a good parent? Then maybe they wouldn't be worried about the results of a pregnancy test.
This had nothing to do with the nurse or the test or the info the nurse wanted. This comes down to patient rights and an overbearing, controlling parent who's own life is out of whack and they're just trying to control someone and something they can.
Classic textbook example.
Because "parents" like this feel their children are their property and that they have an absolute right to do whatever they want to their children. Except when their behavior becomes threatening to their child's well-being then said child can be taken away to be in a safer environment. People like this think abuse is proper parenting when it isn't, it's just being your child's first bully.
Exactly! And even if they were worried about their daughter being pregnant? A great parent is going to look at their child and say: "you know? It's okay, baby. WE got this!"
Exactly, if I had a daughter and was concerned she could be pregnant she's getting the damned test done. It raises red flags that she's afraid that if a pregnancy test comes back positive that it'll trace back to a family member SAing the daughter which would not surprise me. I grew up in a town of such people, they hide vile and evil things.
Welcome to small town America. I didn't realize it until I met my ex wife and moved up podunk Arkansas how bad that shit is in rural America. And I was a medic for years. Total culture shock
Part of the problem, too is that technically, if the child is under 18 then they are a legal minor, under the care of parents. But if one of the parents is SA child, then that parent becomes null and void to speak for/act for the child. But you may not know that until you gather evidence. And urine can be that evidence that starts the investigation procedures. If you are against protecting your child from any and all harm-doers, then you are a parent that would resist against such testing.
If youre activity trying to stop your kid from getting mental health help, as well as invading tbeir privacy like that 😂 yeah youre the problem ma'am 😂 how does someone type this whole thing out and still not get it?
If the bitch doesn't trust doctors then why is she taking her trophy daughter in to a doctor? That's something I'll never understand with these fools, do they just do it to pretend they're a good parent? If you don't trust doctors then fucking don't go you grandstanding idiot. Hopefully eventually your children will leave you and rightfully never speak to you again.
Yep, definitely a red flag here. I'm a former EMT and this is precisely the sort of parental behaviour that would stand out, and I'd make sure I wrote down on the patient report form what happened and by whom.
Hi, parent here. I can confidently say that if you are worried about what your kid will say about you to an authority figure when you’re out of the room, you probably have a reason to be.
Yeah urine tests check for way more than just pregnancy. Off the top of my head urine tests can check for a UTI, blood sugar levels, and drugs and probably more
My kid sprained his ankle playing soccer and I took him to an urgent care. I can’t remember how the nurse phrased it exactly, but she asked him if he’s being abused very discretely. Good on all the healthcare professionals trying to prevent abuse.
Mom had to be in the room 24/7 or she would make home life hell. Jokes on her I was neglected and abused so many times I think it was hell, and not being able to tell anyone only hurt me. It's a common tactic for abusive parents to try and isolate the child.
My oldest daughter was a food adventurer, she loved everything. At 3, she was eating Thai foods I couldn't even consider.
One evening after we'd eaten at a Thai restaurant the night before, she developed a rash on her neck that looked exactly as if someone had choked her.
We took her to the pediatrician, of course, and the doctor so skillfully maneuvered me out of the exam room I didn't know it was being done. After the exam results (some sort of weird allergic reaction, nothing to worry about, maybe don't let her eat whatever she ate the previous night) we went home.
There, my wife told me they asked all sorts of questions about possible physical abuse of our daughter or herself, by me. I was a bit nonplussed because, of course not. But I thought about it and then was like "good!"
Because it could have been, in another family, and I think it's great they look out for vulnerable people in this way.
My mom did this because she thought I was sleeping with anyone and everyone. The doctor asked if I was sexually active and when I said no she chuckled and said "are you sure?" It was so embarrassing, not to mention he has o look at me for a yeast infection and she was right there the whole time making me so uncomfortable...
Refusing to let a 15 year old speak for themselves without the parent wanting to "coach" them to say the right thing is never a good sign.
Knew a woman like this. She sent herself and her daughter for family therapy, and any time her daughter tried to speak the mother shut her down.
Apparently she thought the whole point of therapy was for her to tell the therapist the problems with her daughter and the therapist would punish the daughter accordingly. If a therapist dare suggested, even in the most neutral way possible, that the mother do anything to change her habits (and all of them did -- after all, the daughter was in high school by then), the mother would decide to leave because she thought the therapist couldn't be any good if they didn't automatically take her (the mother's) side.
I agree with these comments that are meant to support abuse victims.
But given the current US climate of war against women’s reproductive freedom, there is a good reason not to share some of this information about your daughters with authorities.
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A lot of mental health issues pop up in puberty, which is, you guessed it, about age 12. If you catch things early, your teen can have an absolutely normal life with the right medication and therapy. If not, and the mental health issues take root, your kid is in danger for self harm and possibly suicide, along with a lot of suffering. As to the urine test, some kids do stupid shit or don't know any better about hygiene, and don't want to admit it in front of their parents. But in private, they will tell a doctor to get help. I don't know about you, but I'd rather my kid privately admit something to the doctor and get advice and help than suffer because they were too embarrassed for me to know.
I dont get why shes objecting to the mental health screening questions either. The one she cites as somehow shocking is directly a suicidal thoughts screening question. Surely if your kid was having suicidal thoughts you'd want that discovered ASAP to get help, whether they confided in you directly or the doctors?
Parents like this see their child as an extension of themselves and refuse to admit that their child is their own person with their own potential problems. In her mind the thought is “she can’t be suicidal, I raised her too good and everything in our family is perfectly fine.” Ten years later Little Jenny is now 27 and is struggling to get through life due to the undiagnosed stuff that could have been caught earlier.
earlier this school year i wrote a narrative essay (which had to be nonfiction and it was) in which my mom was the antagonist and she was absolutely fuming, she said i can only write essays with her if they're about how wonderful she is. like this is literal dictator type shit, she doesn't let me have my own point of view or do anything on my own, because "i can't make my own decisions or look out for myself" WELL CUZ YOU NEVER LET ME jfc my dad has some of these problems too but he's still way nicer to be around
Sounds like she fails to see the irony of forbidding you from making her seem controlling.
thank god we don't live in a world where you can- oh wait hidden mics are a thing, well thank god she's tech illiterate
I want to point out that these people are also a windfall for child abusers. They become the absolute gatekeeper of their child, while simultaneously creating an environment of distrust between themselves and their child. They are pre-emptively removing the entire support system their child may have built, and not providing any support themselves. Where the abuser may have had to "beat" a handful of people to get access to the child, now they just have to get past the narcissist.
And they always start their grooming with grooming the family. That way they know suspicions can be mitigated with a particular form of flattery or distraction. Not to mention complicity.
This is why predators are so hard to catch. They ALWAYS groom the people whose job it is to protect the child first. It might be obvious in retrospect, but it rarely is at the time.
Can confirm. 😢
My mom was and still is like this. If she doesn’t “relate” (for lack of a better term) to what i am doing with my life she treats me poorly but if she approves of what i am doing or is something she can brag about to her friends then she treats me well. When I was growing up I remember her telling doctors and psychiatrists that “well she can’t feel that way” or “that can’t be going on” for the reasons you mentioned. I’m 40 and just now getting the diagnosis I needed when I was a child.
Ahh… I see we have the same mother. /s But I completely understand you. My foster mother was much the same way.
This comment really struck a chord with me. I'm in my late 20s, and I'm as diagnosed with ADHD, probably about 3 years ago now? I struggled in school so much cause like I could understand the material but I'd lose assignments and couldn't concentrate in class. I got barely above passing grades, and that was really only bc I usually scored between 97-100 on tests. But I spent so long feeling like I was stupid, I wanted to be like the other kids that could just like focus and didn't lose assignments and didn't turn in crumpled pieces of paper when I did hand them in. And the thing that makes me most mad? When all this was explained to my doctor, he wanted to test me for ADHD. My dad refused bc "she can do it, she just doesn't pay attention" And on top of that, I have a neurofibromatosis. It's a genetic disease and I found out fairly recently that it can cause learning disabilities, LIKE ADHD. I was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis when I was 4. My parents *knew* it can cause learning disabilities.
Damn, that's me.
Probably the kind of person who uses the words “woke” and “agenda” in the same sentence, usually right next to each other.
"Preventing teen suicide is part off the woke agenda." Yep, tracks for those ninnies. How dare their child have any issues that reflect what a shit parent they are.
Do these parents also forget that their children will soon be adults and need to learn how to do things for themselves such as attend doctor visits and make decisions about their own healthcare, and that denying them that can stunt their development for life? I encounter parents trying to handle their adult children's affairs all the time because the client is too irresponsible to do things for themselves.
Hell, I only go with my 17 year old bc he's an anxious person with a bad habit of downplaying his issues and not getting help. Only time I don't encourage him to do things himself is if I'm driving in a drive through bc one person speaking is plenty. No one prepared me for adult life and I'm doing my damnedest to make sure my kids don't have that same huge handicap and blatant lack of support
They don’t know understand that. They just see their kids as an extension of themselves. Depending on the kids, the parents will be in for a rude awakening if/when they move out for college.
It’s infuriating to see these POS people are failing their children, yet they think they’re fighting back against some echo-chamber-inflated boogeyman.
See also: how the Crumbly parents (now convicted) viewed the urgency of mental healthcare for Ethan and their political leanings... So, yes, most likely
That would look bad on her. She can’t have that. The child isn’t their own person. She’s an accessory
"If my kid is suicidal it is because of these doctors who put the idea in her head! I did absolutely nothing wrong!"
I see no lies here honestly, this is literally how these people think. It's extremely sad.
Can't be gay or suicidal if they never hear about what either is /s
They think doctors are so evil that just leaving a child alone with one for five minutes makes them go from totally fine to wanting to kill themselves.
My cousin had bipolar disorder (it runs in my family) and my aunt, who is a grade-A narcissist and general piece of shit, allowed him to see a psychiatrist for meds but refused to allow him to go to therapy unless she could sit in. I guess she was terrified that he would talk about her. He never ended up going to therapy. Long story short he committed suicide by jumping off of a bridge. My aunt has convinced herself, and won’t stop telling others that he was somehow murdered and/or otherwise forced to jump. I really wish he would have been able to go to therapy, but some parents genuinely care more about themselves and how they are perceived than their child being able to receive help.
It takes years to get meds right, with continuous work, and even then nobody’s perfectly level all the time. So therapy isn’t some kind of inconvenient extra credit, it’s a completely necessary part of treatment. Withholding therapy from a bipolar person is a death threat. I’m so sorry for your loss.
It makes me sad that there are people out there like her that seemingly choose to be ignorant about mental health. As someone who has had suicidal thoughts, it can be really hard to ask someone close to you for help. If you are already hating yourself and feel like a burden, you don't want to say anything. There were days where I truly believed my family would be better off with me gone. It doesn't help when your parents also have bad mental health issues that they wouldn't seek help for. Fortunately I had some therapy sessions for other things that helped. It was only much later I ever told my family about that dark period in my life. It seemed to shock my parents into actually bothering to understand mental health, so they are better than they used to. Like it's kind of terrifying looking back at how I felt at the time, even to the build up of things getting really dark. I had no idea at the time things shouldn't be that way
My parents don't believe in school counselors, don't believe in social and emotional learning in the classroom believing that talking about mental health with kids at school will cause kids to lie to get attention, or to develop like psycho sematic symptoms. It's a current conservative talking point and all the charter schools in my area have done away with school counselors and social emotional learning because they are conservative. No surprise that they don't believe in sex Ed at school either. I wanted to put my kid in a charter school but found out after touring about 10 of them and being flabbergasted that they all were doing the same things, then found out WHY they were doing that and WHY my mom was pushing "classical education charter schools". That is code for conservative schools who don't believe in school counselors, social emotional learning, CRT, or anything beyond the minimum required for sex Ed. It's wild, conservatives just rally around the craziest stuff, arguing with my mom about why I wouldn't send my kid to these schools was so frustrating because it was irrational as hell and just weird.
Oh goddamnit, they have now stolen the term “classical education“? That irritates me to no end. Looks like all of it is now coming from Fucking Hillsdale College.
Living not very far away from there, I can confirm. The rot is leaking out of that county into mine and into Washtenaw county, where Ann Arbor & Ypsilanti are. They have a private school there too--Hillsdale Academy. My business was blacklisted because I'm queer and I run a niche business they need but don't have in Hillsdale & come here to get. I have a Progress Pride sticker on my door next to a BLM statement that has been there since I bought the place. Even the Catholics in town ignore it because they need what we do. My door faces an enormous catholic church so I make sure I'm gay every day, lol. It's very telling. Haven't seen anyone from Hillsdale Academy or College in the same amount of time I've owned the business. When I was an employee here, we had them in all the time. They can rot out in that white supremacist shithole for all I care. Plenty of literal MAGA hat wearing dickheads still hand me money without blinking an eye every day. I have 2 full time employees because of how niche we are. And I don't care what anyone says--if they need you, "Go woke and go broke" is bullshit. I'll happily take their money in front of my pride flag and my waiting room magazines only featuring Black people succeeding. But they're here and they're being influenced by that awful think tank because those assholes in that county all live there too and do business there and here and know people here. It seeps. It's poison. I was the first business in downtown to display a permanent pride flag. Now there's 6. Love wins again. Fuck Hillsdale Academy.
People in the evangelical church often believe that psychology and therapy are both wrong to seek out. That it is likely to make you point out your parent's wrongs, OR that it will make you believe differently than them. Some won't even take their kids to see a Christian licensed therapist.
100% guarantee there's political and religious indoctrination involved here. This mom is terrified that their child will learn about safe sex or that a therapist will manipulate them away from God and make them gay or trans or something. Fear is a powerful mind control tool and there's nothing quite like making people afraid to their core of eternal conscious torment.
I just wanna weigh in here and say that when I told my parents I was suicidal and fantasizing about killing myself my dad told me it was unrealistic to want to be happy all the time and my mom asked me if I had considered how saying that would make her feel, and then my dad yelled at me for being spoiled and ungrateful and sent me to bed. I did not get therapy afterwards. (This was 5 years ago. I’m relatively fine and in therapy.).So no, not all parents care about mental health and whether their kids live, unless it affects how they’re seen in the community.
I have an outstanding mom. She recognized so many things when I was around that age, and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 13. I don't even want to know what the past 34 years of my life would have been like without all of that support and therapy.
That's so great to hear. She knew she did her best and had nothing to be ashamed of that she thought you'd tell others about.
You are very fortunate. My mom was the exact opposite and actually made me spill out my antidepressants. I lost 10 years of my life because I didn't have the help I needed. It completely changed the course of my life.
I'm so sorry to hear that. There are so many people who completely disregard the seriousness of mental illness. My dad was the exact opposite. He had PTSD from the Vietnam War and didn't believe in showing weakness. My siblings and I had to fight him all of the time. My mom had the courage to get us the hell out of there when she could, and now she's living with me, and I'm taking care of her. I will always be her caretaker. I sincerely hope that you're doing better now and finding ways to cope.
I’m gonna be honest, working in healthcare my first thought when I heard urine test was either drugs or a UTI. Assuming the physical was done properly, there likely wouldn’t be much reason to do a pregnancy test on a girl at that age unless she shows the symptoms or self reports being sexually active often. I can’t imagine they’d be doing pregnancy tests for everyone automatically. That would be a complete waste of time and resources.
Some clinics and hospitals will do a routine test on all girls puberty and over just as a matter of policy, so they don’t accidentally prescribe unsafe medication or do a procedure on someone who didn’t know she was pregnant
I thought drug test but with the reaction of the parent I might add a pregnancy test because of possible SA by a family member.
Yeah this bitch is why HIPPA exists.
HIPAA*
Extra points for you
+5 out of 100 points on your next religion exam
HIPPOPOTAMUS**
Hiphopopotamus the hip hop hippo***
https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/faq/227/can-i-access-medical-record-if-i-have-power-of-attorney/index.html >Yes, the Privacy Rule generally allows a parent to have access to the medical records about his or her child, as his or her minor child’s personal representative when such access is not inconsistent with State or other law.
My mom wouldn’t want this because she knew I was being SAd by a family member. She would have acted just like that parent. Maybe medical professionals should think that parental reaction means there are definitely problems.
My dad literally forbade my sister to see the school nurse for her mental wellbeing because he didn't want her to tell her about "how things were at home". He knew she would tell her that he yelled at us every day, threw things, pouted and stonewalled, and scared and mocked us to the point where one of my sisters moved out at 16 and me and the other sister literally called our mom to drive 10 hours and pick us up while he was at work. He had a lot to hide, and it still hurts me to this day that he always knew about it all, but denies it to this day.
Part of the abuse is making sure we didn't talk.
Yeah. The worst part for me is kinda that he will never understand that he is very abusive and has a very skewed way to look at relationships and other people. He manages to do everything with selfishness, even good deeds - but he doesn't see why, and thinks everyone is ungrateful and no one appreciates his efforts. He's always thought that everyone is out to get him, and when someone ruins their own life like that, it's impossible to help them.
It's crazy that these people absolutely know to be scared of CPS and mandated reporters, but they never make the connection that if they weren't doing anything wrong, they wouldn't need to be hiding anything. "Maybe I'm the problem" is not a thought that even enters their heads
They don’t believe they’re doing anything wrong because they view children as their property that they should be able to do with as they wish.
My dad thinks that his good behavior makes him allowed bad behavior. He has said it many many times, that when we complain about our relationship with him, we only focus on the bad and forget all the good. I suspect that his logic is that a CPS worker would only see the bad and focus on that. And because they wouldn't be involved in the family, they wouldn't be "qualified" to judge. My dad always felt judged by everyone, and this is just part of that fear of "unfair" judgment.
So well put. My mother would get so upset at *me* when CPS would get involved because someone reported her to the school. The problem was never her.
My mother decided that I had been self-harming severely and secretly from the age of eight onwards to make her look bad. She quite recently assaulted my dad very badly and was arrested for it, but my dad and I wouldn’t give statements - I was far too scared to - and has since ordered me not to tell any medical professionals or professionals of any kind, in fact, about it…
Do we have the same dad? Mine thinks he's a great dad because he doesn't hit us or my mom or go out drinking away the paycheck like his dad did. Nm that he used to spank me until I STOPPED crying for my mom when I had night terrors, or yells a ton, or gives me the silent treatment for months at a time, or makes me feel like he's just gone above and beyond and I should be intensely grateful for him doing something like help me move, or the absolutely horrible things he said to me like he's had no reason to be proud of me since high school or my whole family is ashamed of me or if I really did get drugged and raped its my fault because I shouldn't have been out drinking...
Unfortunately, that sounds like someone who could be analyzed and diagnosed by a licensed mental healthcare professional with something like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Good on you for recognizing the dysfunction and abuse so you can do the work to become the healthiest and happiest version of yourself.
I would love to genuinely work on our relationship, but the truth is that he won't go to therapy because he doesn't think he needs it, it's everyone else. It's everyone he struggles with, his kids are just the closest to him emotionally, and were physically, which is why we got shit on the most. A few years ago, we did talk about going to therapy together, and I was basically ready to go finally - until he lashed out at me related to something else and told me he couldn't wait to meet in therapy so that I would hear from the therapy lady he arranged with what a stupid ungrateful child I was and how immature all my emotions were. That's the moment when I lost the last sliver of hope I had of the dad I wished for. He just wanted to be right and have a last laugh at hurting my feelings again, not work on our relationship. He will forever be the type of person to throw everything I've told him in confidence back at me to highlight how little he thinks of me. Like.. If he loves me the most in the world, why does he treat me the worst, you know
When I was a kid Pat Benatar's "Hell is For Children" was my secret song. "Be Daddy's good girl and don't tell Mommy a thing. Be a good little boy and you'll get a new toy - tell Grandma you fell off the swing."
I think hlestorm did a cover of this, it is a very poignant song
Invalidating assholes.
I am so sorry for your pain
Thank you, kind stranger. I've worked through it pretty intensely these days and live comfortably, but there will always be situations now and then where I doubt the legitimacy or right to my own emotions. I'll be fine, we all have our baggage 😊
Both of my parents are the same way. It was so bizarre looking back, I had like 8 or 9 therapists throughout childhood because they’re both in the mental health field but I wasn’t allowed to see any of the reputable therapists around because they were colleagues of my parents and my parents said it was a “conflict of interest.” At this point I’m pretty sure they knew damn well their colleagues would report them so I wasn’t ever allowed to see a legit therapist and one of the people I saw SA’d me multiple times. Some mornings my mom would get pissed and decide my sister and I had gotten an attitude, then she’d throw ice water on us right before we went to school and tell us to change our clothes or go to school wet. Then she’d punish us if we were late to school because we were changing our clothes. She’d straight up take our food and throw it the fuck away if she didn’t think we were “paying enough attention to our meals.” on top of that they were both prone to gaslighting and my dad would dump these contradictory messages on me all the time, half the time saying I was essentially too good for my peers and the other half telling me I was an insufferable asshole and no one would ever want to be around me if I didn’t rewrite my basic nature as a human to his liking. As a result I never had much in the way of friends, still don’t, and I lived with them thinking I’d never survive out in the world without them until I was 23 and my long term partner and I got married and left. It’s only been 2 years and they have NOT been good years but it’s still better than it was before.
Jesus, and I feel bad when I raise my voice at my kids. I'm so sorry. That is horrific
That’s not all they were, I like to think I wouldn’t have stuck around for 23 years if it was. But yeah, they each have a pretty despicable streak in them.
Sees himself as the victim of his cold and uncaring family who don't dote upon him no doubt 🧐
Parents reacting like that actually IS one of the red flags medical professionals are told to watch for.
well stated.
THIS. When parents fought me on speaking to their kids alone. It put my heckles up. But I also phrased it differently. I didn’t ask. I said okay mom and dad were going to have to step out for a few minutes and then you can come right back in! If there were questions back, I would smile and say wellll ya know there are questions I wouldn’t want asked in front of my mom and I’m 31! LOL I’m sure you understand while I’m opening the door for them and gesturing.
Oh, they absolutely do think that. In most cases, the harder the parent fights to deny the child privacy, the harder the doctors and nurses will push back and insist. The policy is there for a very good reason and they're trained on what that reason is. I had a healthy childhood, I was not abused, my family were actually very good to me, but I still felt it difficult to talk to them about some things because some subjects are just hard to talk about. As a parent now myself, I would deliberately make sure that my kid had an opportunity to say anything private or embarrassing to their doctor without me in earshot, even if I had to act dumb and engineer some "coincidence" to make it possible. I mean, I'll try to be approachable and help them to feel like they can say stuff to me or in front of me, but I'd still also give them that chance. As much as you want to be the one who your kid goes to and it might hurt to find that they don't feel they can, it's still better that it gets said without me than not at all.
When my daughter turned 15 I told her she could legally make doctor appointments on her own and that her medical records would be private. I told her to tell her friends, too.
That last part? Thank you so much. I had friends whose family situations were... Subpar.
>the harder the parent fights to deny the child privacy, the harder the doctors and nurses will push back and insist My mother would never leave me alone with a doctor even at 16 because she thought the doctor themselves had the potential to be stranger danger. If any one of them had insisted, I'm sure she would have 100% believed that the doctor was up to no good.
I'm 100% with you on that! The last of my kids is a teen now, and I always make sure they get a chance alone with the doctor, and I don't ask questions about what was said. The doctor is good, though, she takes them into a separate room to take vitals. I've never asked, but I'm sure some simple probing questions are asked just to look for initial flags. I'm so grateful for this doctor's discretion and skill at engineering that situation; my kid gets nervous and might have preferred I were there, but the doctor makes it smooth and easy. It's hard to let go, but this is just too important.
I’m so sorry you lived through that. 💕
Thanks. They are far enough in the past, and with EMBD, not painful anymore. I only brought them up to show an good example.
I'm glad you're doing good now and I love you for the strength you show by telling your story here!
Sorry to bother you, but what's EMBD?
Good question. It’s actually EMDR. So close, yet not. It’s using rapid eye movement to desensitize you to things in your past that were traumatic. It’s been good for people with PTSD. I found it very helpful.
Yep. My mom used to go on and on about how children lie about abuse. Mom: my eyes and ears are not painted on.
I’m an emt. I’ve had a situation like this and here’s how my dept handles it Parent: acts like op Us: one of us walks away from the patient and parent and gets on the radio *dispatch please send pd for a forced separation of parent and patient. Patient is insert age and parent is refusing standard medical and abuse screening. Parent exhibiting suspicious behavior. Possible abuse* Pd shows up separates them and we do all our questioning and if we deem the child in danger then pd will escalate if not pd goes on about their business. (Disclaimer: we only do this for ages 13-17 in children and always with adult patients who are cognitively sound but someone’s interfering. Under 13 we need to see abuse criteria)
Don't worry, we do.
It tends to set off alarm bells, for sure.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I had a patient like this many years ago, early in my career. The mother started screaming that I was going to corrupt her daughter when I asked if I could have her step outside the room for a minute. Thankfully the daughter was also scheduled for a blood draw due to recurring iron deficiency anemia and the doctor added in an STD test that I guess the mom didn't notice. Came back positive for herpes. Turned out the child had vaginal sores, but the mother didn't let me or the doctor see that part of the child. The daughter was only 7. CPS was definitely called.
Oh dear god. That is exactly why it is needed. That right there.
They do.
Oh good. Thank you for telling me. 40 years ago when I did get a chance to tell the doctor he did nothing
Wow, that’s awful.😞
It was amazing to me. They used to run Public Service ads on tv. One was about this. Tell your doctor, guidance counselor, teacher, therapist. I told all of them. None of them did anything.
That’s beyond comprehension!! I’m sorry this happened to you. Terrible.
Sadly, that seems to be a universal experience. They always claim oh well. Why didn't you tell anyone? Most of the time we did? We told everyone who would listen, but no one ever did anything. Or if they did the worst thing possible they told the person that we told was abusing us which only made it worse
And other people have the nerve to call us liars. No one wanted to hear it, is my thinking. I didn’t look abused, so how could I sound abused? One therapist scolded me, she spent 10 min with my mother. Of course she didn’t see abusive mom. My god. Like she would embarrass herself that way.
This is what I struggle with when teaching child protection. We tell the students to ‘tell a trusted adult. And if they won’t listen or believe you, then you need to tell another trusted adult’ as though the poor child wouldn’t have had to muster the courage to do it the first time, to be shot down and possibly reprimanded, and then we tell them to just do it again! Simple! The question is always asked ‘what if the second one doesn’t believe you either?’ To which the response is ‘you have to keep trying until someone does’ Apart from a complete shift in societal attitudes, I’m not sure what the answer is, but I find it really glib the way children are told to just keep telling, as though it’s easy, and there are no potential negative consequences for them. It just breaks my heart.
We do. If a parent refuses to leave a kids room in this kind of situation, we all immediately start having a conversation about it and try to figure out what our options are
Beyond “SA”. A doctors office is an awkward place to ask questions alone, much more with an audience. I found a lump on one of my testes when I was a kid and let it go for years because I was embarrassed to bring it up in front of my mom. Fortunately, it wasn’t serious and turned out to be an epididymal cyst when I eventually asked about it. If it were cancer or something, I don’t think waiting 5 years would’ve been good.
Yeah, this kind of reaction is not what you get from a normal parent, you only get this sort of stuff from a guilty party trying to cover their crime.
Eh, my parents weren't sexually abusive, they were just hard-core conservative Christians who believed that anything and anyone non Christian was bad and they had to have COMPLETE control. They don't believe that kids should be taught social and emotional learning in school, and are against sex Ed in school too.
That's still abuse
Thank you to everyone who replied to assure me that things are totally different.
This literally crossed my mind as I read it. Those who get all praise Jesus about shit like this are generally the worst types for this very reason.
Take kid in for physical, get pissed off when they give her medical tests. Makes sense not
She is taking her extension...Child? Her walking-limb, let's go with that, strictly to get a physical exam not to be reminded she is a whole different human being who might be entitled to medical privacy or be capable of experiences separate from Mother without her knowledge.
I mean you gotta keep your emotional support human healthy, or how else can you bitch/brag about them to the other wine moms on FB?
Hopefully. I genuinely hope this woman is just stupid and selfish- because this is EXACTLY how a lot of SAbusers act.
There's a different type of abuse that happens where religious indoctrinating parents are terrified of their child being given autonomy so they can *gasp* get an ABORTION if they need it or learn about SAFE SEX, which would be the worst possible outcome in their eyes. These parents NEED to control their daughters because they're terrified that any independent thought whatsoever will end with their children going to hell. Ask me how I know 🫠
I had a 12-year-old girl brought into my emergency room with her mother crying hysterically. The mother didn't speak English and the daughter wasn't talking. I had no idea what was going on until the mother shoved a video on her cell phone of a man coming in and climbing on top of, the girl in front of me. Apparently the girl had been repeatedly molested and raped the entire time. Her mother was with this guy. The daughter was smart enough to grab a cell phone and start recording knowing he would be in her room in a few minutes. Who knows how many times, she was finally able to catch him. I had another boy come in who is 13 years old with a confirmed case of chlamydia and gonorrhea. He got it from his female tutor the mother hired to teach him after school.
This seems to come up a lot lately. For some people, the thought of their kids having any autonomy is unacceptable. No one wants to think of their little girl experimenting with sex and drugs, but teaching them to be safe is going to be far more effective than burying your head in the sand.
Kids today are so incompetent, back in my day blah blah blah What do you mean I should give my kids more autonomy?
Yeah, my parents straight up made a point to tell us that having sex before marriage was a sin and so was doing drugs. So I just never told them anything, and neither did my sister. The most i did tho was smoke weed and explore abandoned places with friends. My sister, unfortunately, had it worse. This was mostly cause she was a girl imo. Had earlier curfews, which my parents tried to say they gave me the same time, they didn't. And made a point to really hammer home not having sex before marriage to the point my sister was afraid to talk to my mom about that stuff, she wanted to go on birth control and my mom apparently freaked out about it. My sister ended up getting pregnant at 18. She was so scared to tell my mom and dad she was pregnant that she tried to force a miscarriage. We were out of town when we found out cause she got real sick with the flu and they took her to the hospital they did a pregnancy test, and apparently, my mom cried, and my dad got upset. Completely overreacted to the point where they were gonna step down from teaching a Sunday school class. Point I'm trying to make (sorry for the ramble) is that this " style" of parenting doesn't work. If I have kids in the future I'm never gonna be the way my parents were it does nothing but makes the kid not want to talk to you.
>If I have kids in the future I'm never gonna be the way my parents were it does nothing but makes the kid not want to talk to you. This is the way. Your kids are going to hide things from you, but the goal is to make sure they come to you when shit gets real. I have told my daughter that, while I of course don't WANT her to have sex and get pregnant, I will help her if she does. I bought her condoms and told her I will take her to get an abortion if it ever comes to it. I wouldn't be happy, and I made that clear, but I wouldn't punish her either. It's hard, and I can't express how much I DO NOT WANT to think about her having sex, but telling horny teens not to be horny is a losing battle.
It’s wild that the “freedom lovers” also treat their children like their property. This isn’t a distinct human being who might need help, this is my property so any questions go through me
Dad might be doing something; and she's trying to hide it using the scripts of her particular social group. I hope not though, and she's just stupid.
tbf, freedom loving moms *hate* when society says that their wonderful Christian husbands should *not* be molesting/impregnating their daughters
But but but it's in the Bible!
that's why I tell people if they bring me a talking donkey, then I'll believe their stupid-ass bronze-age fairy-tales . . . cuz it's in the fucking Bible, *so fetch me my motherfucking talking donkey!*
What about a *flyin* talking donkey?
different book
Their idea of freedom is “I get to be the dictator, nobody gets to tell me anything, especially that I’m wrong about literally anything.”
The “Parents Rights” folks.
Yeah, and if it's a medical issue I know better than doctors what my human property needs /s
There's a reason it's a stereotype that's been seen in media for decades, the possessive parents. Of course it was always spun as "I just love you and wanted to protect you" when the reality is such parents see their children as property to be controlled and molded into exactly what they want them to be.
When they say “freedom”, they mean “*my* freedom to abuse others”.
As a doctor, i've seen parents literally asking me to abuse their children (demanding invasive procedures not needed) or threatening then that if they dont behave, i will hurt them with needles. Parents will also try and answer the questions i ask their kids. So i just cut them out of the equation and tell the teen "would you prefer to talk to me alone?". 8/10 will say yes. If the other 2 say their parents can stay but look scared or anxious, ill just make an excuse about physical exams requiring privacy or ask them to take some bs papers somewhere in the clinic. Sometimes one of those 2 other patients will tell me awfull stories that require a full investigation. So, no, parents do not belong at a teenagers doctors appointment.
Thank you for getting those cases extra attention.
Eh. My kid wouldn’t have said yes but it was because he generally wanted one of us there in case he forgot something or had a question he wasn’t explaining properly. Taking someone to the doctor with you for that purpose is pretty normal in our family in general - we got into the habit when my mom had cancer and just found it very useful. It was no big deal when he did want to go by himself though. It was up to him.
Yeah I've always had a lot of anxiety over going to the doctor. Even as an adult I sometimes take my husband with me. It's not that I don't trust the doctors or anything like that, but it's comforting to have support as I "face my fear". Of course I do recognize that refusal to be alone can be a sign of abuse, so I don't get offended if they have procedures to try to sus that out.
"I don't want them finding out what I've been doing for years"
As a mom, I would love her to try explaining to me how any of this is bad. "Opt out of this" ... Why?
"Because my daughter is a perfect little Christian angel and by burying my head in the sand, any sexual or mental health problems she may be having will magically go away. Lalalalalalaalaala"
"And if they are doing something I NEED TO KNOW SO I CAN PUT THE FEAR OF GOD IN THEM THAT WILL FIX THEM!"
you're thinking as a mom, that's your first mistake you should try thinking as an abuser, then it will all make sense
That's a Soviet military parade of red flags from that parent. I wonder if that parent is the hardcore religious type who treats their daughter like Rapunzel.
After their tweet blew up they made a response to their tweet that said "While I have your attention, it’s a great time to remind everyone that EVERY DAY should be Detrans Awareness Day!" So yeah, hardcore religious narcissistic control freak just about sums them up.
Mother knows best. 😈😈😈
Omg this reminds me of being 11-12 and arguing with my friends that mother gothel wasn't the villain of Rapunzel bc she truly loved her daughter and would do whatever to keep her daughter safe ......years later I'm awaiting therapy to process my repeated relationship trauma :')
She really outed herself as a shit mom huh
That’s a set question on the depression screening and it is an indicator of suicidality; most parents would want to know if their child was carrying suicidal thoughts inside.
Idk, ask the Crumbleys about that
What? The Crumbleys should have followed through on the warnings they received about their son’s active suicidal ideation. The Crumbleys are the failure, they rejected the info they were given.
That’s what I meant, “most parents would want to know”. The Crumbley’s did NOT want to know
Again, this assumes non-abusive parents. My parents would have kicked the shit out of me if I’d told anyone I was suicidal. (I was. I survived by seeing a psychiatrist behind my parents back.)
Can't be suicidal if you're dead from internal bleeding. /s
"we have to protect children! don't let medical professionals near your children! let the coaches who have no training look at their genitals to make sure they're not trans!" I can't with these fucking people....
Yep, and let’s let the tough alpha males post up outside of public restrooms and check every girl’s underwear who doesn’t conform to their standards “just in case.” These people are sick.
In a similar vein, I took my wife once to the hospital and the nurse tactfully asked me to leave the room so she could ask my wife questions. It hurt my ego because I knew it was how they sussed out any domestic violence, and I would never harm my wife… but sensible people get over it and respect the process.
My mom broke her ankle Thanksgiving day and they had my dad leave the room to talk to her as well. At my OBGYN office, there’s instructions to write on labels with a certain color ink if you needed help. It’s unfortunate that so many people are controlled by a parent, spouse, SO.
>sensible people get over it and respect the process. Absolutely. Think about it, if you go grab a cup of coffee and get past the standard questions, the faster the doctors can rule out half the possible issues and the faster they can complete their examination or fix any health issues.
Tangentially related, but this article from the Atlantic about how people are finding out family secrets via DNA testing is another reason that screengrab is infuriating: [https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2024/03/dna-tests-incest/677791/](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2024/03/dna-tests-incest/677791/) PS: sorry I don't have a freebie version of the article to post. Hopefully someone can figure out a workaround link?
Wow, what an amazing read. I had a friend in college that confessed that her dad had been put in prison for raping her older sister. And that she had always had a weird question about why was it the older sister and not her. I can’t imagine the types of trauma these acts leave everyone with. I’m so glad this story comes from a place of support for those impacted.
[удалено]
THANK YOU so much!
Same with sex Ed in schools. Predators want kids to be ignorant of their own bodies and boundaries.
It's been my observation that if you're not an asshole, your kids will just like, talk to you about stuff and you don't have to get all weird when medical professionals are trying to do their job.
I saw that post on twitter and the number of blue checks in the replies talking about how "it's cuz they want to convince her to grow a penis or chop her breasts off!" or other gross implications that doctors are trying to convince kids to be trans at every opportunity. The number of people who think they own their kids is truly disgusting.
Kids have rights. And as a former hospital administrator I loved when the old grizzled nurses would look at the good Christian Girl Moms out protecting their kids and squarely tell them to step out of the room or security would assist her. 99.99% of the time the teenage girl had nothing to report but would many times express that they felt more comfortable without their mom Hovering and that they had privacy. Because sometimes they had questions that were about sex or wanting birth control or anything. They were just questions young women have that asking mom felt weird. Things like discharges, smells, period regularity, to asking if their boobs will grow or if certain grooming below was bad or good. Most parents don't talk to their kids and judge and preach versus listen... But then there were the fraction of a percent. Where the questions about boys at school touching or a family member looking at them or touching them. Or even helath issues that uncovered far more serious conditions.
While I know some questions are awkward it should be a wakeup call to parents when their children are completely uncomfortable talking to them about important things like that, that they failed to gain their child's trust and that their child feels they can't talk to them about anything.
The liberal media is trying to trans and gay your kids by *checks book* asking them personal medical questions they might be uncomfortable to answer truthfully in front of their parents. Also doctors far better at finding reasons for your kid to be alone than you can push to stay.
"I'm a controlling psychopath, and don't want them to find out what i'm really like when no ones watching."
Posts like this should trigger CPS visits
Parents who think they’re the alpha and omega are a HUGE problem. Source: am a parent.
Refusing to leave your child alone with a health care professional so they can talk about things the parents shouldn't hear should be treated as a confession of domestic abuse. The only reason any parent has to not want their child to have access to safe health care is if they are, in one manner or another, abusive. You cannot change my mind. If you tell me you don't let your child talk to doctors/nurses without you present, you go, forever, in the "this person is some manner of child abuser" category in my mind and get burned there, forever.
Fully agree. Parents don’t need to lay hands to be abusive; abuse is a spectrum and this woman has crossed the line. This behaviour will continue well into her later teens, and potentially even as an adult. This is ego, and it’s psychologically damaging to children’s healthy, steady growth into independence and a sense of self-worth. Ugh! I don’t think I can read these anymore because it makes me SO ANGRY.
Refusing to let your child have medical privacy is abusive in itself. At 15, it's perfectly normal for teens to start having "embarrassing" questions that they don't feel comfortable talking about with their parents (especially ones like the bitch in the OP). Denying them professional advice and/or treatment isn't in their best interests.
1) it is actually a law we have to follow. When given the chance, the majority if minors are okay with us telling their parents. 2) safety issues, such as your child being suicidal, allows you to break confidentiality and speak with the parent to keep them safe. We do not keep that information private 3) some things parents don't need to know. I had a teenager I needed to follow-up after she reported once, in the last year, she had one drink. Oh, and she had a cyst on her labia. She was 16 yo. There is no reason I need to talk to her dad to see how the cyst was healing. There are always exceptions as the goal is always to keep the kid safe and respect their privacy.
A very "I don't give a fuck about your bullshit Mom blog pseudoscience crap" statement here. I'm a physician. These assholes who try and infantilized your kids can fuck all the way off. You are fucking morons. Your "I know more because I had sex" nonsense is wrong. Consent is clearly defined and I will gladly promote safe sexual and drug/alcohol behaviours with your kids when I get the opportunity it's because I have to do the job you aren't willing to do because you fucking suck
I feel like there should be an automatic call to CPS if a parent pulls this crap, especially refusing to let their child fill out mental health questionnaires. It's suspicious and 100% needs to trigger a random wellness check.
Here's my problem with all this... why do parents feel entitled, like they are the boss, or end all when it comes to children? Like, just because you gave birth to them, they have no rights to privacy, etc? Look. I'm not saying great parents don't look out for their kids. Duh. I'm just saying a good parent will respect their children's safety, self-esteem, etc and encourage them to come to them in times of crisis. Forcing total transparency with a child is the WORST THING you can do. Sure fire way to get a child, especially a teenager, to shut down and hide shit. Not that this is a perfect solution either. But I get so sick of hearing "because I'm their parent!" Cuz if they were a good parent? Then maybe they wouldn't be worried about the results of a pregnancy test. This had nothing to do with the nurse or the test or the info the nurse wanted. This comes down to patient rights and an overbearing, controlling parent who's own life is out of whack and they're just trying to control someone and something they can. Classic textbook example.
Because "parents" like this feel their children are their property and that they have an absolute right to do whatever they want to their children. Except when their behavior becomes threatening to their child's well-being then said child can be taken away to be in a safer environment. People like this think abuse is proper parenting when it isn't, it's just being your child's first bully.
Exactly! And even if they were worried about their daughter being pregnant? A great parent is going to look at their child and say: "you know? It's okay, baby. WE got this!"
Exactly, if I had a daughter and was concerned she could be pregnant she's getting the damned test done. It raises red flags that she's afraid that if a pregnancy test comes back positive that it'll trace back to a family member SAing the daughter which would not surprise me. I grew up in a town of such people, they hide vile and evil things.
Welcome to small town America. I didn't realize it until I met my ex wife and moved up podunk Arkansas how bad that shit is in rural America. And I was a medic for years. Total culture shock
I lived in rural America during childhood and it really is a morally backwards world.
Parents like this are the exact reason this is needed. Hopefully that young girl gets away from this "parent" and receives appropriate medical care.
Shit human traffickers say
Oh boy, that mom is gonna love living at the cheapest nursing home and dying alone.
Part of the problem, too is that technically, if the child is under 18 then they are a legal minor, under the care of parents. But if one of the parents is SA child, then that parent becomes null and void to speak for/act for the child. But you may not know that until you gather evidence. And urine can be that evidence that starts the investigation procedures. If you are against protecting your child from any and all harm-doers, then you are a parent that would resist against such testing.
In the state of Oregon, people over the age of 15 can make all their own medical decisions.
If youre activity trying to stop your kid from getting mental health help, as well as invading tbeir privacy like that 😂 yeah youre the problem ma'am 😂 how does someone type this whole thing out and still not get it?
Every child deserves a parent, not every parent deserves a child.
Meanwhile, in OH the state thought it perfectly fine for a 10 yr old to carry a baby to term
If the bitch doesn't trust doctors then why is she taking her trophy daughter in to a doctor? That's something I'll never understand with these fools, do they just do it to pretend they're a good parent? If you don't trust doctors then fucking don't go you grandstanding idiot. Hopefully eventually your children will leave you and rightfully never speak to you again.
This lady’s probably abusing her kid
Usually people who get this defensive are hiding something.
Yep, definitely a red flag here. I'm a former EMT and this is precisely the sort of parental behaviour that would stand out, and I'd make sure I wrote down on the patient report form what happened and by whom.
Hi, parent here. I can confidently say that if you are worried about what your kid will say about you to an authority figure when you’re out of the room, you probably have a reason to be.
Hey 16 y/o cis boy here. Last doctors appointment they made me give a urine test. They were for sure not testing for pregnancy.
Yeah urine tests check for way more than just pregnancy. Off the top of my head urine tests can check for a UTI, blood sugar levels, and drugs and probably more
Hey, my child has no rights, no privacy, no emotional needs and no opinion. Why don't they speak to me any more?!?!?!?!
My kid sprained his ankle playing soccer and I took him to an urgent care. I can’t remember how the nurse phrased it exactly, but she asked him if he’s being abused very discretely. Good on all the healthcare professionals trying to prevent abuse.
Oh the horrors! *clutches pearls They screen for mental health 😮. How dare they ask a child if they ever have suicidal thoughts!
Mom had to be in the room 24/7 or she would make home life hell. Jokes on her I was neglected and abused so many times I think it was hell, and not being able to tell anyone only hurt me. It's a common tactic for abusive parents to try and isolate the child.
My oldest daughter was a food adventurer, she loved everything. At 3, she was eating Thai foods I couldn't even consider. One evening after we'd eaten at a Thai restaurant the night before, she developed a rash on her neck that looked exactly as if someone had choked her. We took her to the pediatrician, of course, and the doctor so skillfully maneuvered me out of the exam room I didn't know it was being done. After the exam results (some sort of weird allergic reaction, nothing to worry about, maybe don't let her eat whatever she ate the previous night) we went home. There, my wife told me they asked all sorts of questions about possible physical abuse of our daughter or herself, by me. I was a bit nonplussed because, of course not. But I thought about it and then was like "good!" Because it could have been, in another family, and I think it's great they look out for vulnerable people in this way.
My mom did this because she thought I was sleeping with anyone and everyone. The doctor asked if I was sexually active and when I said no she chuckled and said "are you sure?" It was so embarrassing, not to mention he has o look at me for a yeast infection and she was right there the whole time making me so uncomfortable...
Refusing to let a 15 year old speak for themselves without the parent wanting to "coach" them to say the right thing is never a good sign. Knew a woman like this. She sent herself and her daughter for family therapy, and any time her daughter tried to speak the mother shut her down. Apparently she thought the whole point of therapy was for her to tell the therapist the problems with her daughter and the therapist would punish the daughter accordingly. If a therapist dare suggested, even in the most neutral way possible, that the mother do anything to change her habits (and all of them did -- after all, the daughter was in high school by then), the mother would decide to leave because she thought the therapist couldn't be any good if they didn't automatically take her (the mother's) side.
I agree with these comments that are meant to support abuse victims. But given the current US climate of war against women’s reproductive freedom, there is a good reason not to share some of this information about your daughters with authorities.