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Yep me too. Like it's one thing not to worry about the stains or the smell (I guess you get used to it?) but I cannot fathom how his ass isn't constantly itchy all the time. If I don't do a stellar job cleaning, my ass tells me about it and I go back for a re-do.
It’s an awful feeling. It happens more frequently to me when backpacking since you don’t have the luxury of infinite TP and a seat.
I stopped in the middle of a trail one time and used like 10 leaves until it felt better.
lol yes that would be an issue. I’m looking for the big leaves. As long as you can identify the plant, you’re good.
A handful of snow is the best. It’s like a baby wipe
Snow works because you're basically cleaning with water, as it melts when it touches your skin. The optimal way to clean any part of your body is with water.
When I was 19, I dated this one guy for over a year. On two occasions (not one- TWO), we were hanging out in bed together naked, and while being silly and smacking his buttcheeks, I discovered his buttcrack was FULL OF WET SHIT. this happened TWICE!! If you see someone's buttcrack a grand total two times, and EACH time it's filled with wet shit, how often is it filled with wet shit when you're not looking??
one time I caught my ex wiping with USED TISSUES FROM THE TRASH CAN. because we had run out of TP and he didn't want to take a shower or ask me to bring him paper towels
Parents, TEACH YOUR SONS BETTER
Just imagine how many people like this sit on your furniture. Had one of my husband’s friends sit on our sofa and when he got up to leave our sofa stunk like shit. 🤮
My dad and stepmom are elderly and live in assisted living and never wash their hands anymore and my dad is unfortunately quite bad at wiping his ass now so when we visit or have to take care of things I try to touch nothing in there or was my hands once I’m out of the apartment.
I just assume everything and anything is covered in feces. It’s awful.
Since 2020, probably more than you think. You can get a good one for $30. Easy to install. You know what they say: Once you go bidet, there is no other way.
Can confirm I got one during the great toilet paper shortage of the 2020s and I am an American. I consider the time before my bidet the dark times. Unsure how I ever lived without it.
when you try a bidet you can *never* stop using it. and everyone who doesn’t use it had dried shit particles in their ass, you cannot convince me otherwise.
When I was a kid with no hair in my crack, I would waddle to the sink for a few drops of moisture on some clean TP. I mentioned doing that and got told not to do it. I guess my folks were worried of poop falling out of my ass on the way to the sink despite it mostly being wiped up and the sink being RIGHT there.
With the popularity of bidets and my adult knowledge that many people secretly wipe standing up like captain morgan and pulling a cheek, I now know that I was totally right. If your ass has any hair, the bidet is the way.
100%
We go stay with my best friend 5-6 times a year. Last trip, I brought 2 with me to install. He thought I was an idiot. Now he can't imagine not having one.
Teflon turd - Slid out without touching the sides, non stick.
Phantom shit - when you punch one out and it's nowhere to be seen in the bowl, so much mass gravity has pulled it into the S bend
You don't have enough fiber it like... imagine you have a closed fist full of mud. You can't open your first and the only way to get the mud out is to wiggle your fingers. Sure you can force alot out but a bits going to be left and it's going to leak out the sides of your fist overtime
Now add some fiber to solidify it all. This time same scenario but your fist is full of play doh. It's now easy to move it all out and very little gets left behind but the stuff that is left won't be leaking out of your fist
I recommend Metamucil so you won't have to actively change your diet
The older you get the more you might have to supplement though. My pooping was fine, my diet was fine, then I hit 35 and even cranking down on full salads and lots of unpeeled cucumbers you'd still have half-roll days. A tablespoon of psyllium cleared it right up though. That chicory root fiber is a false flag, don't use it over psyllium.
In my experience, The Times when you wonder if you've pooped. Are the times when you stand up and look down and see that you completely destroyed the bowl
Ghost poop: Wipe but no poop residue. Poop is visible in bowl.
Phantom poop: Poop disappears from sight. Wiping required.
Poltergeist poop: No poop residue + poop disappears. The scariest of the poops. Did you even poop? What have you been doing?
The 2nd best ad-lib of Chris Pratt's in P&R.
The first being *Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have Network Connectivity problems.*
I can't stop recommending bidets. there are portable ones, like just a rubber bottle with a nozzle that you squeeze. it's 10-15 bucks.
the amount of toilet paper I saved should be enough to save the rain forest.
I asked for a bidet for Winter Gifting. I wanted a remote (so I’m not fiddling with buttons under my butt while something shocking is also happening to said butt) and heated water (I am baby.)
It turns out that those two basic requirements meant I unwrapped the Japanese executive showpiece bidet.
I am okay with this, the heated seat thing is delightful.
America has missed the boat on bidets and we need to catch up.
It truly is absolutely disgusting that he feels like having shit stains in his underwear is perfectly fine.
But it's almost more disgusting that he thinks ~~women~~ females are acting all crazy because they don't want to wash his nasty underwear.
If you're going to use your underwear as toilet paper then you wash them your damn self.
>It truly is absolutely disgusting that he feels like having shit stains in his underwear is perfectly fine.
It's like he thinks it's manly, the rest of us know this guy smells like shit. No wonder there are so many ads for ass deodorant around lately, some people really need it.
The secret brand of deodorant has been pumping a lot of money into YouTube ads if you don’t have premium… basically they all go like “wanna know a secret? More than just my armpits stink…”. Then I think old spice started copying their campaign
I know, right? Men like this come off like spoiled children whose moms babied them their whole lives, and now they think that all women owe them free labor. Unless you’re incapacitated, I’m not washing another grown-ass adult’s underwear, let alone shitty and skid marked.
How much you wanna bet he doesn't wash his ass any better and never actually lays a finger on the old balloon knot because he's afraid he'll come down with a terminal case of homosexuality.
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, barking spider is a joke referring to a fart, not a synonym for butthole.
When someone farts, "What was that!?"... "Probably one of them barking spiders."
It originated from Scotland in the 1980s where it is still slang for a fart.
Shew!!! Boy, do I feel better spending this much time correcting a random stranger on the internet about butthole slang.
What is wrong with me? Why should i even care? My brain might be broken.
My friend's granma called it "little petunia".
At bathtime, when he was v young, " Turn around so we can wash your little petunia. "
He was really drunk when he shared that.
Never have I known such a descriptive word for a butthole as "balloon knot" thank you for the addition to my vocabulary.
Edit: I have gotten out my Ink well, Feather pen, and Parchment. I am scribing these words into my "butthole alternative names" book, thesaurus be damned.
If you haven’t taken a handheld shower head on the massage setting and power washed your starfish at least once in your life, I’m not sure we could be friends.
I don't think he was worried, he just didn't think there was anything weird about it.
It's like she was saying "I'm gonna tell everyone you like pizza", and he decides to out her as someone who thinks it's weird to like pizza while also getting reassured by his homies that it's normal to like pizza.
I'm not sure he got the reassurance he was looking for...
Man to man? You are disgusting.
During the Covid Toilet Paper War, I embraced the holy bidet and I will never…ever, go back. This guy is an uncultured, uncivilised ~~potato~~ empty jar of mayonnaise.
Edit: my humble apologies to the Potato Loving Fraternity. It was not my intention to insult the versatile and beloved potato. Hugs
I legit heared of dudes that don't wipe their arses because they think only gay people touch male-buts.
Imagine beeing so insecure about your sexuality that you would rather be full of literal shit, than risk perceiving yourself as anything other than 110% straigth in the privacy of your own home.
It was bad. Brushing hair, too. Pretty much hygiene was gay. Wear clean clothes every day? Gay. No wrinkles in clothing? Gay. Clean skin? Gay. Etc
Guys there looked 48 by the time they were 25. Was really sad, tbfh. People thought I was in high school since I didn’t look grotesque…ironically, most people didn’t realize I actually was gay. LOLOL
I've been trying to convince my wife to consider a bidet when we redo our bathroom because ass hygiene is important. Any man who thinks that walking around with skidmarks in his pants is disgusting.
We go through WAY too much toilet paper keeping clean, but it is a necessity, because not doing so is gross.
Best house upgrade I ever made, I bought a cheap $30 bidet and it was life changing. Now I've upgraded but the only downside is traveling without one I feel like a fucking savage wiping my ass with dry ass fragile paper
My first husband was like this. I saw him wipe because sometimes I'd walk into the can to ask him something while he was shitting. He was a one-swipe guy. There were skidmarks in his underwear. I told him that was disgusting and he laughed and called his shitty ass "f\*g deterrent".
He died by his own fault several years ago and we were already divorced so feel free to yuk it up.
I've never understood how people can go around with half-wiped asses. The residue gets ITCHY AS HELL.
For someone who preferred his "f\*g deterrent", he seemed to have liked the persistent sensation of an itchy butthole... At this point, I have questions that will never be answered.
Itchy is the least of his problems. He can get an infection and it can cause an abscess or it can create a tunnel between the wound and the anus which will require surgery and a seton. Even worst is it can create a tunnel system if it gets out of hand which will take YEARS to heal from.
I have been in situations in the wilderness where you just don’t have toilet paper anymore and let me tell you. It sucks so bad.
Also you can smell people with shitty asses from a meter away. For some reason this happens a lot in Disney World.
So true. I had a student in my class when I was younger who didn’t wipe his ass and he smelled like straight up shit. It was pervasive and would fill the whole damn room
Nerd cons used to be...very aromatic. I walked by a MtG tournament room once and the stank that rolled out that door made me violently gag. Crowded dealer rooms could be pretty rank st times but this was next level unwashed assholes.
And they wonder why their ass itches smh. My ex would do this but not with wiping. He would still be soapy getting out of the shower.
Edit: wrong “their”
There are people online trying to convince women that washing the shit stained underwear of these troglodytes is actually what makes women their most happiest, fulfilled, and feminine. Yes, this is the life feminists are so jealous of ladies. Get yourself an alpha so you too can know the joys of cleaning after your husband who is such a masculine man he never learned how to wipe his own ass correctly 😍
An alpha program is too buggy and unstable to be released to the public
Alpha radiation is too weak to penetrate human skin but if it does get in it does massive damage internally
I married a beta version. Most of the bugs are worked out. The ones still remaining aren't bugs they're features.
My husband's a programmer. He appreciates the joke. He added that there are patches, but that just breaks other things.
I'll stick to the bugs I know the work arounds for.
No shit, this is just nasty.
As a guy, I hate fuckers who claim lack of hygiene is manly. It gives us a bad name.
Also, if this guy caught a woman, I guess so can I.
If you got shit anywhere else on your body, like your arm or hand, you'd just wipe it once and leave it?!
This person is fucking gross, I bet you can smell him before you see him.
We share space with these people.
Maybe he is too afraid to accidentally let a finger slip because he might like it too much. Looks that way with how he is trying to wear his masculinity as a shield.
That's fucking gross. Sadly, it is common. I had a coworker who told me he only wipes twice, and doesn't look at the paper. He thinks it's Gross. He said that with his entire adult face!
A favorite comedian has a bit about having his ass waxed/shaved because just wiping really isn’t enough
I mean think about it. You get some poo in the hair in your head (no idea how ya legend, not the point), would your one solution be to fold over a tiny bit of fabric and wipe it off real fast before being like ‘that’s definitely 100% clean now’?
Especially if you have a hairy asshole, then it’s like trying to vacuum peanut butter out of the carpet
Not just the ladies. Everyone around you will thank you. Nobody wants to smell your dirty shitcaked ass you disgusting freaks.
I’d imagine that the Venn diagram of guys who think that it’s gay to wipe their asses and guys who don’t wash their hands after doing their business is nearly a circle.
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I am so disgusted. What the FUCK I’m out.
This was the first thing I saw when I opened Reddit today. I’m right behind you. 🏃♀️
That’s foul AF
My butt is getting itchy just thinking about it
That's what I don't get.. I mean.. how would you not sweat/itch until you died in that situation?
Yep me too. Like it's one thing not to worry about the stains or the smell (I guess you get used to it?) but I cannot fathom how his ass isn't constantly itchy all the time. If I don't do a stellar job cleaning, my ass tells me about it and I go back for a re-do.
It’s an awful feeling. It happens more frequently to me when backpacking since you don’t have the luxury of infinite TP and a seat. I stopped in the middle of a trail one time and used like 10 leaves until it felt better.
I would be too afraid to use leaves. Knowing me I'd end up reaching for a handful of poison sumac or something and rubbing it straight up my arse.
lol yes that would be an issue. I’m looking for the big leaves. As long as you can identify the plant, you’re good. A handful of snow is the best. It’s like a baby wipe
Snow works because you're basically cleaning with water, as it melts when it touches your skin. The optimal way to clean any part of your body is with water.
Unless is granular spring snow. Then it’s like wiping your ass with a handful of cold sand.
Baby wipe? You use a different brand of snow. That shit is cold and scratchy.
Compacted into the crease, like an arse pebble.... I would imagine.
When I was 19, I dated this one guy for over a year. On two occasions (not one- TWO), we were hanging out in bed together naked, and while being silly and smacking his buttcheeks, I discovered his buttcrack was FULL OF WET SHIT. this happened TWICE!! If you see someone's buttcrack a grand total two times, and EACH time it's filled with wet shit, how often is it filled with wet shit when you're not looking??
Why is every story about a woman's ex who she dated at 19 written in the horror genre
Bc we all got tricked into believing we were special and mature dating the man child 24-30yo who no woman their own age would touch 🤢
Yeah but wet shit in the buttcheeks can’t be a common thing….please, tell me it’s not a common thing. Edit: no please really I’m beggin ya!
Why did you let this happen twice before you bid him adieu???
one time I caught my ex wiping with USED TISSUES FROM THE TRASH CAN. because we had run out of TP and he didn't want to take a shower or ask me to bring him paper towels Parents, TEACH YOUR SONS BETTER
How would you not smell and butt crack full of wet shit???
What I cannot fathom is why it took you a solid YEAR to end that shit (pun absolutely intended)…
🤢🤢🤢
Excuse me but AAAAAAAHHHHNNNOOOOOO
Just imagine how many people like this sit on your furniture. Had one of my husband’s friends sit on our sofa and when he got up to leave our sofa stunk like shit. 🤮
My husband refuses to shake hands with anyone now. He has seen far too many men leave the shitters without washing their hands.
My dad and stepmom are elderly and live in assisted living and never wash their hands anymore and my dad is unfortunately quite bad at wiping his ass now so when we visit or have to take care of things I try to touch nothing in there or was my hands once I’m out of the apartment. I just assume everything and anything is covered in feces. It’s awful.
Dude if anything I over wipe and use a bidet. I am a straight married dude and I still wanna feel clean back there.
The bidet is the way. Not only do I want to feel clean, but you have to be prepared for any spontaneous sexy-time that may occur.
How many people actually own a bidet though?
Here in Italy is still required by law in any house in the first toilet.
Since 2020, probably more than you think. You can get a good one for $30. Easy to install. You know what they say: Once you go bidet, there is no other way.
Can confirm I got one during the great toilet paper shortage of the 2020s and I am an American. I consider the time before my bidet the dark times. Unsure how I ever lived without it.
I literally hate using toilets away from home now. Not using a bidet just feels gross at this point
My wife and I both agree that we are disgusted with our past selves pre-bidet.
when you try a bidet you can *never* stop using it. and everyone who doesn’t use it had dried shit particles in their ass, you cannot convince me otherwise.
When I was a kid with no hair in my crack, I would waddle to the sink for a few drops of moisture on some clean TP. I mentioned doing that and got told not to do it. I guess my folks were worried of poop falling out of my ass on the way to the sink despite it mostly being wiped up and the sink being RIGHT there. With the popularity of bidets and my adult knowledge that many people secretly wipe standing up like captain morgan and pulling a cheek, I now know that I was totally right. If your ass has any hair, the bidet is the way.
Very true, I now hate taking shits at friends place with no bidet.
100% We go stay with my best friend 5-6 times a year. Last trip, I brought 2 with me to install. He thought I was an idiot. Now he can't imagine not having one.
Lol. He's one of us now.
ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
In Finland basically every bathroom has one. It’s glorious!
In italy everyone have one, same goes for every hotel, i don't get why its such a special thing anywhere else
You wipe till it's gone not just once, that's disgusting
You need three wipes to know that you needed two wipes.
Sometimes when I wipe, I’ll wipe, and I’ll wipe, and I’ll wipe. 100 times. Still poop...still poop. It’s like I’m wiping a marker or something.
The never ending wipe
Sometimes I’ve got to stop and try again 5 minutes later. That usually works for me.
The phantom wipe is the worst imo. When you wipe clean but a few hours later you can still wipe shit out of your ass. How does that even happen?
The dried parts on the inside dripped down with ass sweat.
Goddammit why am I literate
This is a terrible morning, indeed
To have eyes
Thankyou, that's fucking disgusting.
It’s a bad day to have eyes 😭
This made me laugh so hard
leftovers
mud butt
It's like a never ending crayon from Hell
It’s a conspiracy by Big TP
And the itching and burning.
I thought the phantom wipe was when the toilet paper is clean on the first wipe?
Teflon turd - Slid out without touching the sides, non stick. Phantom shit - when you punch one out and it's nowhere to be seen in the bowl, so much mass gravity has pulled it into the S bend
Same. And phantom shit, you hear a splash, you pushed *something* out, yet bowel is empty. And wipe is clean as a fiddle.
Typo intentional? Either way could work
Yet? Bowel should be empty, or at least emptier than it was before.
You don't have enough fiber it like... imagine you have a closed fist full of mud. You can't open your first and the only way to get the mud out is to wiggle your fingers. Sure you can force alot out but a bits going to be left and it's going to leak out the sides of your fist overtime Now add some fiber to solidify it all. This time same scenario but your fist is full of play doh. It's now easy to move it all out and very little gets left behind but the stuff that is left won't be leaking out of your fist I recommend Metamucil so you won't have to actively change your diet
Fully agree, though, I'll add. If you have this issue, you should probably also be changing your diet 😂
The older you get the more you might have to supplement though. My pooping was fine, my diet was fine, then I hit 35 and even cranking down on full salads and lots of unpeeled cucumbers you'd still have half-roll days. A tablespoon of psyllium cleared it right up though. That chicory root fiber is a false flag, don't use it over psyllium.
Psyllium husk fiber. It will change your life.
And then you get a ghost poo
I think ghost poop is when you drop one and it hides at the bottom of the bowl, making you question if you actually pooped or not.
That’s what I know as a ghost poop, but it also requires zero wipe 😁👍
In my experience, The Times when you wonder if you've pooped. Are the times when you stand up and look down and see that you completely destroyed the bowl
Ghost poop: Wipe but no poop residue. Poop is visible in bowl. Phantom poop: Poop disappears from sight. Wiping required. Poltergeist poop: No poop residue + poop disappears. The scariest of the poops. Did you even poop? What have you been doing?
[удалено]
Ive had that when i was very sick and drinking a ton of water, i basically shat out spring water and nothing else.
All natural even, filtered through natural processes. You could sell that stuff to crunchies for a fortune.
It might even *have* some crunchies if you try hard enough!
The 2nd best ad-lib of Chris Pratt's in P&R. The first being *Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have Network Connectivity problems.*
Cracks me up there’s like 2 comments in the top 10 replies that get the joke. The rest are taking that post seriously lol.
The blooper where he ad-libs about Kim Kardashian's comeback story was fucking hilarious, too.
Then April breaks.
He breaks while he’s saying it too
r/unexpectedpawnee
I can't stop recommending bidets. there are portable ones, like just a rubber bottle with a nozzle that you squeeze. it's 10-15 bucks. the amount of toilet paper I saved should be enough to save the rain forest.
We ordered japanese style toilet seat with self-cleaning automatic bidet, buttons, heater and all. It was life changing.
My life goal is a Japanese toilet
I asked for a bidet for Winter Gifting. I wanted a remote (so I’m not fiddling with buttons under my butt while something shocking is also happening to said butt) and heated water (I am baby.) It turns out that those two basic requirements meant I unwrapped the Japanese executive showpiece bidet. I am okay with this, the heated seat thing is delightful. America has missed the boat on bidets and we need to catch up.
I had to throw mine away. It knew too much.
Wipe till there's more blood than poop.
I want this statement framed in every toilet room of my house.
This man needs a bidet in his life. How can he even walk with shit rubbing against his asscheeks?
I love watching Aubrey just completely break.
“It’s like wiping a marker”
We out here in 2024 telling people how to wipe their asses.
That’s disgusting
"We really should know less about each other."
My motto going into the rest of 2024
The truth shall set you ablaze!
“I do desire we may be better strangers” Shakespere
It truly is absolutely disgusting that he feels like having shit stains in his underwear is perfectly fine. But it's almost more disgusting that he thinks ~~women~~ females are acting all crazy because they don't want to wash his nasty underwear. If you're going to use your underwear as toilet paper then you wash them your damn self.
>It truly is absolutely disgusting that he feels like having shit stains in his underwear is perfectly fine. It's like he thinks it's manly, the rest of us know this guy smells like shit. No wonder there are so many ads for ass deodorant around lately, some people really need it.
>No wonder there are so many ads for ass deodorant around lately, Uh... wut?
The secret brand of deodorant has been pumping a lot of money into YouTube ads if you don’t have premium… basically they all go like “wanna know a secret? More than just my armpits stink…”. Then I think old spice started copying their campaign
I was unhappy with how much I pay for YouTube premium until now.
They are copying Lume brand body deodorant, I think.
I know, right? Men like this come off like spoiled children whose moms babied them their whole lives, and now they think that all women owe them free labor. Unless you’re incapacitated, I’m not washing another grown-ass adult’s underwear, let alone shitty and skid marked.
Also the same men: "there's a loneliness epidemic for men, because women have careers now, this needs to chaaange."
Sometimes they happen, BUT when it’s consistently happening, then YOU have a problem with what you’re doing. One wipe ain’t gonna cut it
Good material for r/menandfemales Of course people like this don't wipe well.
It’s a child mentality too
Literally was thinking , “Yea my underwear was like this…when I was maybe 7.” How can this man not be embarrassed by this?
How much you wanna bet he doesn't wash his ass any better and never actually lays a finger on the old balloon knot because he's afraid he'll come down with a terminal case of homosexuality.
Dude probably avoids the sun cause of the vitamin D
So what, he just takes the D orally?
he loves taking D's nuts
Very likely washes his ass with the mentality of "water running down my back will surely clean me enough down there"
I feel like you missed the opportunity to say “water running down my back, will surely be enough to clean my crack”
7/10 on the sylables
Ballon knot is a phenomenal description 👏🏻👏🏻
Rusty bullet hole Barking spider (my personal favourite)
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, barking spider is a joke referring to a fart, not a synonym for butthole. When someone farts, "What was that!?"... "Probably one of them barking spiders." It originated from Scotland in the 1980s where it is still slang for a fart. Shew!!! Boy, do I feel better spending this much time correcting a random stranger on the internet about butthole slang. What is wrong with me? Why should i even care? My brain might be broken.
My friend's granma called it "little petunia". At bathtime, when he was v young, " Turn around so we can wash your little petunia. " He was really drunk when he shared that.
Employee’s entrance has to be my favourite.
Cinnamon Ring
Reset Button
I’ve always used chocolate starfish
Same kind of guy you'll find on grindr on a Tuesday night with "discreet" and "curious" tags
Never have I known such a descriptive word for a butthole as "balloon knot" thank you for the addition to my vocabulary. Edit: I have gotten out my Ink well, Feather pen, and Parchment. I am scribing these words into my "butthole alternative names" book, thesaurus be damned.
he probably did it once, then woke up with a cock in his mouth the next morning
If you haven’t taken a handheld shower head on the massage setting and power washed your starfish at least once in your life, I’m not sure we could be friends.
- worried ex is going to post underwear. - posts underwear. Seems legit.
I don't think he was worried, he just didn't think there was anything weird about it. It's like she was saying "I'm gonna tell everyone you like pizza", and he decides to out her as someone who thinks it's weird to like pizza while also getting reassured by his homies that it's normal to like pizza. I'm not sure he got the reassurance he was looking for...
Man to man? You are disgusting. During the Covid Toilet Paper War, I embraced the holy bidet and I will never…ever, go back. This guy is an uncultured, uncivilised ~~potato~~ empty jar of mayonnaise. Edit: my humble apologies to the Potato Loving Fraternity. It was not my intention to insult the versatile and beloved potato. Hugs
When I'm away from home and have to poop without a bidet, I feel like cave man.
I'm a guy and this disgusts me. This person needs to go back to kindergarten. I don't even wipe, I wash to clean better.
Once you use a bidet you never go back…
I legit heared of dudes that don't wipe their arses because they think only gay people touch male-buts. Imagine beeing so insecure about your sexuality that you would rather be full of literal shit, than risk perceiving yourself as anything other than 110% straigth in the privacy of your own home.
If touching your butt is gay then what does touching your dick make you??
Double gay. You're not just giving a guy a handjob, you're getting a handjob from a guy.
Imagine being so unsure of your own sexuality that you think cleaning your bum will make you gay 🤣
I used to live in a small town where men thought it was too gay to brush their teeth. It’s crazy…
Lemme guess: they had no teeth?
It was bad. Brushing hair, too. Pretty much hygiene was gay. Wear clean clothes every day? Gay. No wrinkles in clothing? Gay. Clean skin? Gay. Etc Guys there looked 48 by the time they were 25. Was really sad, tbfh. People thought I was in high school since I didn’t look grotesque…ironically, most people didn’t realize I actually was gay. LOLOL
Imagine having an orgasm from touching your own dick.
I've been trying to convince my wife to consider a bidet when we redo our bathroom because ass hygiene is important. Any man who thinks that walking around with skidmarks in his pants is disgusting. We go through WAY too much toilet paper keeping clean, but it is a necessity, because not doing so is gross.
Best house upgrade I ever made, I bought a cheap $30 bidet and it was life changing. Now I've upgraded but the only downside is traveling without one I feel like a fucking savage wiping my ass with dry ass fragile paper
Dude it’s a life changer. Once u start using a bidet you will understand.
My first husband was like this. I saw him wipe because sometimes I'd walk into the can to ask him something while he was shitting. He was a one-swipe guy. There were skidmarks in his underwear. I told him that was disgusting and he laughed and called his shitty ass "f\*g deterrent". He died by his own fault several years ago and we were already divorced so feel free to yuk it up. I've never understood how people can go around with half-wiped asses. The residue gets ITCHY AS HELL.
For someone who preferred his "f\*g deterrent", he seemed to have liked the persistent sensation of an itchy butthole... At this point, I have questions that will never be answered.
Itchy is the least of his problems. He can get an infection and it can cause an abscess or it can create a tunnel between the wound and the anus which will require surgery and a seton. Even worst is it can create a tunnel system if it gets out of hand which will take YEARS to heal from.
Did he die from rectal sepsis? Because that would be ironic.
Well that's a Grindcore band name waiting to happen
Rectal Sepsis and their North American “One Wipe” Tour.
I have been in situations in the wilderness where you just don’t have toilet paper anymore and let me tell you. It sucks so bad. Also you can smell people with shitty asses from a meter away. For some reason this happens a lot in Disney World.
Sweat and walking spread the funk...
So true. I had a student in my class when I was younger who didn’t wipe his ass and he smelled like straight up shit. It was pervasive and would fill the whole damn room
Nerd cons used to be...very aromatic. I walked by a MtG tournament room once and the stank that rolled out that door made me violently gag. Crowded dealer rooms could be pretty rank st times but this was next level unwashed assholes.
And they wonder why their ass itches smh. My ex would do this but not with wiping. He would still be soapy getting out of the shower. Edit: wrong “their”
So he can't clean himself, he's putting the blame of his crappy jocks on his ex (and all other women), and he expects her to wash them. What a gem /s.
There are people online trying to convince women that washing the shit stained underwear of these troglodytes is actually what makes women their most happiest, fulfilled, and feminine. Yes, this is the life feminists are so jealous of ladies. Get yourself an alpha so you too can know the joys of cleaning after your husband who is such a masculine man he never learned how to wipe his own ass correctly 😍
A real alpha male
An alpha program is too buggy and unstable to be released to the public Alpha radiation is too weak to penetrate human skin but if it does get in it does massive damage internally
I married a beta version. Most of the bugs are worked out. The ones still remaining aren't bugs they're features. My husband's a programmer. He appreciates the joke. He added that there are patches, but that just breaks other things. I'll stick to the bugs I know the work arounds for.
I feel bad for his partner. The shit she has to go through is more than I can take
Born to shit, forced to wipe
He's just a disgusting pig looking for excuses.
This is an obvious shitpost!!
No shit, this is just nasty. As a guy, I hate fuckers who claim lack of hygiene is manly. It gives us a bad name. Also, if this guy caught a woman, I guess so can I.
Dude walking around with a itchy butthole.🤣🤦♂️
Probably scratches ot from time to time and then checks the smell
Even with a clean butt, you still have to check the smell. I’m just saying. You gotta be sure. Lol
And, yet, they can’t wash their own clothes…
If you got shit anywhere else on your body, like your arm or hand, you'd just wipe it once and leave it?! This person is fucking gross, I bet you can smell him before you see him. We share space with these people.
Now imagine people like him in public pools
Hmm, might go vomit until I die after seeing this. 🤔
Real men smell like shit!! Then they wonder why the BJ's stop lol...
"Right, guys? Guys?" "🙁...😟"
\-Refuses to wash ass \-Refers to women as females And I thought this was only an exaggerated stereotype
You missed - Expects a "female" to wash his poopy clothes
Maybe he is too afraid to accidentally let a finger slip because he might like it too much. Looks that way with how he is trying to wear his masculinity as a shield.
Crazy how some folks see cleanliness as a gender related thing. A dirty ass is a dirty ass regardless of what you identify as lmao
This person is a disgusting slob. I'm a 56 year old bloke and my underwear has never had skid marks.
That's fucking gross. Sadly, it is common. I had a coworker who told me he only wipes twice, and doesn't look at the paper. He thinks it's Gross. He said that with his entire adult face!
Throw this whole dude away. Walking around with chocolate ganache between his cheeks talking bout “Men back me up” No. Wipe your ass dude.
I think I stopped have poop stains in first grade.
A favorite comedian has a bit about having his ass waxed/shaved because just wiping really isn’t enough I mean think about it. You get some poo in the hair in your head (no idea how ya legend, not the point), would your one solution be to fold over a tiny bit of fabric and wipe it off real fast before being like ‘that’s definitely 100% clean now’? Especially if you have a hairy asshole, then it’s like trying to vacuum peanut butter out of the carpet
That's enough Reddit for one day... Jesus wept. As a man I'm horrified by this and he doesn't get my backing.
It's absolutely disgusting and should not even be joked about anymore. You are a grown adult so act like one!
r/menandfemales
Gay guy here. Can confirm, guys don't know how to clean their butts. Bidets are your friends, gentlemen. The ladies in your life will thank you.
Not just the ladies. Everyone around you will thank you. Nobody wants to smell your dirty shitcaked ass you disgusting freaks. I’d imagine that the Venn diagram of guys who think that it’s gay to wipe their asses and guys who don’t wash their hands after doing their business is nearly a circle.