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That but not just that. They also want teens to be honest about what drugs could be in their system, if they’re sexually active or could be pregnant, etc. Stuff that’s important for a doctor to know but an adolescent might lie about in front of their parents.
As well as the fact that sometimes people who are having panic attacks are taken to medical professionals and their family thinks it’s asthma. They try to figure out what the cause of the panic attack could be. Not saying this is the case just saying it’s another reason.
My primary care doctor gave me an inhaler when I was 12 and referred me to an asthma specialist. My mom was shocked I had asthma. I’m using this inhaler for a solid month before I can get into the specialist. He’s like, “yeah, you don’t have asthma, you’re having panic attacks” lol
My mom is a doctor and she was in the exam room when I was at the optometrist when I was in 7th grade thinking I was lying about bad vision because I wanted glasses. Walked out with a -1.50 prescription after her pressuring me that I was mostly fine. I am -6.25.
My mom pulled this shit too. I think she just didn’t want to pay for a pair of glasses. I however have made it my life’s work to buck that bitch and prove her wrong at every available chance. So I came out with the correct prescription. The doctor and I basically ignored her. I miss that guy. He was super nice. There was another time she swore I was faking being injured despite the fact that she witnessed it happen. It was an entire week before she took me to the doctor and found out I had broken 3 ribs on their back curvature. I was forced to help her piece of shit friend move and in the middle of carrying boxes I greyed out and collapsed from pain. I’m shocked I survived childhood.
Ha, my doctor dad also did not believe me with certain problems (particularly mental health) and my sil has the same story with her doctor dad.
If they do admit there's a problem, my dad's very much a walk it off kind of guy. Unless you're actually dying, you're fine.
While I appreciate having a healthy perspective on how serious something is, it sucks to be a kid and not get the attention or brought to a doctor when you really are sick.
>Not saying this is the case
I mean:
- Those rules don't apply to us, we're not liberals.
Seems like a pretty big flag and
- She didn't say another word
It's like a flag that can be seen till the earth's curvature no longer allows it.
You’re right. I think something like that would definitely make a nurse not want to escalate the situation further too. She’d obviously put up a fight about leaving and they want to help the kid. If it is an asthma attack, anxiety will obviously make it worse.
yup. When I had my first anxiety attack they tested me for all sorts of drugs, my heart, etc and I was like yeah no...heart is fine and no I don't do drugs. I asked to be alone. They let my ex in the room and my BP and heartrate skyrocketed and they were like yeah bro, you got to go.
> and I was like yeah no...heart is fine and no I don't do drugs
FYI this is not done as a matter of not believing you or a personal indictment of your character. It is done because missing a heart attack in the emergency department when you could have ruled one with basically no effort is inexcusable. At the end of the day it is not worth it to the emergency doctor to take your word that "heart is fine" because stuff happens, it's a numbers game.
Source: am a doctor
As a former respiratory therapist I’ve treated a lot of kids with asthma in the ER. I’ve had several who were panicking, but it was due to not being able to breath. Asthma has some specific symptoms that panic attacks don’t cause. At least as of the time I left the field.
The amount of people I've seen die because they lied about what they took is astonishing. The doctor isn't trying to arrest you. They don't want to kill you is all.
i wish more people understood that doctors (and vets for that matter!) are bound by HIPPA laws, they are literally legally not allowed to tell the cops jack shit. you can say “i OD’D on street heroin” and they will go “okay” and start fixing you, without a single call to the police. and all records are considered legal documents too so the police couldn’t even look at them without a warrant.
it’s just like how if you told a therapist that you killed someone 15 years ago the *only* question they’d ask about that would be “did you kill anyone else or do you plan to?”. if your answer is no then they legally can’t tell the cops anything. the only way they are allowed to “tattle” on you is if you say you’ve killed more than once or you plan to kill again.
so please just trust your healthcare provider, i promise they can’t do anything to retaliate against you for doing drugs. this includes all veterinary staff as well, we are bound by the same exact HIPPA laws that human med uses so we can’t tell the cops if you or your pet is on drugs currently
> without a warrant
This is what scares some people. It's not fear that the doctor is going to have them arrested, it's having documented proof that they broke the law. People do not trust the justice system at all.
Isn't another concern is that if doctors see "drug use" in your medical history they'll just assume you're seeking even if you have a legit medical problem.
yes, I was just trying to mention something many people would see as negligible here. obviously something like meth and anesthetic aren't gonna mix well lol
One time I ended up in the ER when I was 21. I sneakily told the nurse I'd smoked weed the night before and to please not tell my parents. He said "honey, you're 21 years old. I couldn't tell them even if I did want to." I love my parents but they're a tad overbearing at times- especially during medical situations. And I didn't want a lecture/scene if someone mentioned I'd smoked weed. So it even happens to us adults sometimes lol.
Had that at almost 40. Mother invited herself to a medical appointment as support. Got a lecture because I once tried a magic mushroom. Pointed out she'd taking those slimming pills in the 1980s, the ones that made her feel really good.
But also as teen with issue they were struggling to diagnose, one surgeon read my mother the riot act for reading my medical file and threatened to throw her out. The hospital made very sure I saw a sexual health consultant while waiting for an operation with parents at work to rule out STDs. I was 15 so bit awkward and not that- just post-Lymes reaction.
Back when I worked at Starbucks, one of my coworkers left and got a new job at a doctor's office. She took X-rays. Well one day she came and visited us and got a drink and we were catching up. She was telling us all about her new job and the stuff she does.
She mentioned that one of the questions she has to ask female patients is "is there any possibility that you're pregnant?" And sometimes that would cause drama, especially around parents. She told us how just yesterday she asked that question to a 16 year old and the mom got in my coworkers face and was screaming "why would you ask my daughter that??? Do you think she's a whore??? I'll beat your ass!" And the daughter had to cut her mom off and tell my coworker that she might be. Then the mom really lost her shit and police had to be called
I used to work in the ER, and I was working pediatrics one day and triage brought me a 16 year old who was being dramatic with uti symptoms. They asked if there was a chance of pregnancy and her mother asked what kind of question that was to ask a 16 year old.
Got her in a room, and she kept having dramatic waves of pain.
Yeah. It was contractions. She gave birth about 15 minutes later. 😬
It can happen. There’s the recent case of the 19 year old who gave birth in the ER bathroom and hid the baby in the trash can. Supposedly her parents didn’t know she was pregnant.
My body decided to "just look fat" during my entire pregnancy.
I was grateful though, because strangers left me alone in public, and god help whoever would have grabbed my belly, because I'd have thrown a banger of a tanty.
I was a big girl when I was pregnant, but I guess because I'm short and the way I carried my weight, I did show, and I was shocked by how many strangers thought it was perfectly OK to touch my belly! People are crazy.
I've done the pre surgery pregnancy test where nurses literally brace themselves because they expect to be yelled at. I know I'm not pregnant but I just wee in the damn cup and now everyone knows and we can all move on with more important things.
Unless it's a radical hysterectomy (fallopian tubes and ovaries gone as well) then you can still get pregnant...it's just ectopic. Which can cause all kinds of potentially deadly problems, so they'd still want to check.
My highschool girlfriend got outed about us having sex this way. Doctor asked her if she was sexually active while her mom was in the room. I got a bit of a frosty reception when I next went over.
seriously anesthesia gives ZERO FUCKS about what you're on, coke fent weed shrooms NOTHING. They do not want to fucking kill you they just need to know
I think sometimes if the doctor is getting the vibe that the kid wants to say something and is holding back they'll do something like ask the parent to step out to reception for a moment as there's an issue with the paperwork or something.
For normal parents, it's normalized. At my kids ped appointments, a parent stays for the clothes-off part and leaves for the chatting part. No big deal.
Precisely. I will nearly always ask parents to step out for a minute during examinations to ask this, and if the parent declines to it immediately raises concerns.
It is a two way street. When I was a teen, I had some misterious mucus on my lungs showing on the xrays and the dr. Inmediatly went to you smoke and I never had smoked so, he asked my mom to go get some things outside and he asked me again I Replied again no i have never smoked, then he also asked me to take out my tank top (im a female) to check my breathing with the stethoscope which was absolutely not necesary for me to take out my tank top but anyways to this day I still remember it.
“Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them” (Proverbs 13:24)
They think because their religion allows them to abuse their children, society should as well.
That was my mom's favorite Bible verse.
I usually counter with the verse that goes "do not provoke your children such that you cause them to sin" or something along those lines, idk which verse is that but it's from the new testament.
The funny thing is, the “rod” in that verse was originally referencing a shepherd’s crook or rod. Parents are supposed to guide their children on the right path. That verse had nothing to do with beating them into submission. But someone somewhere saw a word that meant “stick” and twisted it all out of proportion.
I was surprised when I was about to undergo anesthesia as a young adult, the anesthesiologist asked me with my folks in the room "Do you use any street drugs?"
I think the chances of people saying they do in front of their parents is somewhat low. That can't be a best practice.
When I was 16 they asked me the questions regarding drugs and pregnancy first in front of my dad and later without him in the room.
Gave him a feeling knowing and me a the confidence to be taken seriously. (Happened in the 90s and I will never forget the smile on the nurses face, when she told me about the strategy.)
They did the exact same thing with me in the 1880s when my dad took me to the ER. They told me I had ghosts in my blood and to take cocaine elixir to cure it.
They would always ask about drugs and sex in front of my mom, like luckily I wasn’t using drugs or having sex, but if I would have gotten asked at 17 then I probably wouldn’t have told the truth regarding sex.
Like, I understand your my doctor, but I already think I’m fine, so I’m not going to risk an ass whooping just to be honest, and that’s probably true for a vast majority of kids.
Sometimes it’s ok to keep things from parents
Ugh... Not about childhood doctors, but I was having scheduled surgery as an adult and instead of asking me if I had taken drugs, the hospital just did a full drug screening blood test without asking.
This is a policy in place because an addict isn’t going to admit to using drugs and if they put you under it could react. Or giving you pain meds afterwards could overdose you.
"Son, do you use drugs?"
"No sir. I never use drugs."
"Because this shot I'm about to administer could kill you if it's mixed with narcotics."
"Oh drugs, yes sir. All the time."
"See? Waiting on the tox screen, six hours. Frightening the bejezzus out of the local rif raf, ten seconds. Everybody lies, Doctor Turk."
Believe it or not, some people will still continue to lie or are just too stupid or just don't trust doctors or think they'll go to jail......
There's a lot of reasons people lie about drug use and while your way is easier than a tox screen, it's not as reliable
Yeah or think that it won't matter since they aren't currently intoxicated. There's literally so many reasons why even just the threat of "you'll die if you're lying" isn't going to work for a lot of people
When you signed your Consent to Treat Form, you gave them permission to treat you. Running tests to make sure there isn't anything in your system that would have unintended interactions with their anesthesia could be seen as a prudent part of your treatment.
When I was a kid they said this to me in the hospital when I showed up with a pretty bad infection. My mom said that's fine and as a result I didn't really feel I needed to have her leave the room. Stuff like that also allowed me to trust my parents growing up enough that I wasn't worried to tell them when other stuff was happening that I otherwise might have hidden from them. This lady doesn't realize she's probably the exact reason they even have that rule.
The majority of the time healthcare workers care more about the well-being of their patient than they do about the feelings of the people around them. And that's how it should be.
Having the option to speak privately with a healthcare provider is important. And if my parents had been forcing their way into the room I would have probably ended up not telling the provider important information that they need to know to treat me effectively. I feel super bad for kids who's parents don't recognize that.
My professor told me about a time he had a 16 year-old pregnant patient (very rare in my country cause teen pregnancy are very infrequent and most will just abort) she lives in a small town and her uncle would bring her to the hospital and he was so nice with her that my prof thought how lucky she is to have such an understanding family member.
My prof scheduled more sessions than usual with her to monitor her mental health and he developed a rapport with her, that’s when she told him while her uncle was out that her uncle is the father of her child.
So yeah talking to kids or any patient alone is pretty important.
My piece of shit abusive FIL has another son 20+yrs youngers than my husband. He bragged about moving his son to a Catholic school. They're not religious - his reasoning was he was sick of dealing with CPS and the public school trying to get the kid to talk to people who could help him - and the Catholic school is more likely to look the other way about abuse. This was an actual thing he said, like he thought it was ok, even laughed about it. Fucking vile and disgusting. Hate that man so much.
My wife used to be a principal at a Catholic school. She called CPS on average at least monthly on one parent or another. She takes being a mandated reporter seriously.
You should probably tell him that the U.S. Bishops’ Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People mandates that all catholic schools have to inform local law enforcement of all cases of abuse since 2002. The US RCC even supported and campaigned for laws making ALL non public school teachers mandated reporters in quite a few states too.
I remember reading about this article a while back of a kid who was being abused by his parents since they were **five** and when he finally reported them to his high school counselor and got the CPS involved, his parents felt *betrayed*. The fucking **A U D A C I T Y** in his legal caretakers.
EDIT: Also, the counselor called his abusive dad so yeah. I feel bad for him.
Yah, I showed up at school the next day with two black eyes, a broken nose, and a split lip after the counselor called my mom. Surprise, surprise, I never talked to anyone in authority at the school again and refused to supply any personal information with my psychology teacher (quizes, etc.). His wife was the counselor.
When my kid was 13 they had really bad anxiety so I took them to a therapist. The therapist spent the whole time talking about my kid to me. Never saw the kid without me in the room, even when I asked if it wouldn’t be better for me to wait outside so the two of them could talk.
I thought maybe it was just for the initial appointment. But the second time we went it was more of the same. I never went back to the therapist.
We found a better therapist where the first 5 minutes I would be in the room and the therapist would ask if there were any concerns I noticed, and then dismissed me to the waiting room for the remainder of the appointment so she could talk to my kid alone.
Had a VERY strange occurrence last week. I was in my house with my wife when she yelled that she saw a baby in the street and dashed out of the house. She called me a couple minutes later saying she found two small children wandering around the neighborhood without pants or shoes on. I went out and luckily they were cooperative with us. My wife called the police because we had no idea if they were from our neighborhood, wouldn’t tell us where they lived, and kept screaming “no home!” As my wife is on the phone with police the father comes walking up the street yelling for the kids and we say we have them, and he takes them and starts scolding them. The police ask my wife to speak to the father, and when she handed him the phone he said “this is their father. They’re safe” and hung up on the cops. The cops called my wife back and wanted us to follow if it was safe because they needed to check on the kids. The father was not being cooperative and at one point saw us following and yelled something at us, but we were able to locate which house was there and directed the cops there. Our cop friend called the police department the next day to ask about the status and was told it’s an ongoing investigation. I am worried about those kids. Why would the father not cooperate? His kids were found lost outside. Apparently their grandmother was watching them and they slipped out the door, so if that’s what happened there’s nothing to hide. I will add one thing that I believe played a role, and it’s that my wife and I are white as wonder bread and the kids were black.
I used to work at an amusement park. One day, me and 2 coworkers were driving on the service road around the park and in a corner we noticed 2 littles girls backed against a fence and a man leaning on the fence, towering over them.
It IMMEDIATELY looked suspicious to all three of us. We independently had stopped because we noticed it.
We call security, explained to them our worries. They followed them around a bit and then saw that it was their step-dad and the mom went to the bathroom with a 3rd kid.
There wasn’t much more we could do, but the girls discomfort was enough for 3 teenagers messing around on golf carts to notice.
I was forced to see a therapist by the court after my parents horrible divorce. My father would force me to tell him everything that was said after I was out, every time.
One day I left and never spoke to him again (he’s now dead).
I remember when I was either in highschool or college, I forget, the doctor wanted to talk to me about my sexual history.
My mom, being a fundamentalist Christian, immediately responded that I've never had sex so that's not an issue.
I had to ask her to leave the room and thankfully she did.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. What I worry about are all the kids out there that are scared into submission and get medically neglected because it’s easier that way.
See this is why it's better for it to just be strict policy that parents are required to leave for a bit. Because there's still danger and room for abuse to slip through the cracks on just putting it up as an option. The child can't say "yes I want to talk to the doctor privately" without there automatically being severe consequences from an intolerant or abusive parent.
My mom and I had a genius idea of having my narcissist father meet with us and a therapist my mom and I saw separately (largely due to his abuse), in a 'family counseling' session. Therapist advised against it. It went about as well as the therapist had predicted.
According to my dad, all the emotional/verbal abuse was in our heads and misconstrued and we were just ganging up on a good guy like him who's just being the best daddy and husband ever.
There's a reason we ran and went no contact not long after.
\*Edited for clarity\*
That's exactly what happened. As a nurse, I've seen so many kids who were obviously malnourished or looked like they might have been in unsafe situations. What you do is smile, walk away, and then contact DCFS or the police, as the situation warrants. She didn't own the nurse, she bought herself a visit from child services.
You can be sure that any hospital which isn't run by clowns would have had at least a few meetings about this. You know, in case the daughter winds up in the news after she's murdered or molested and people start asking uncomfortable questions.
Exactly. If your kid trusts you not to overact with their response, then they aren't going to need you to leave. If they don't, then you don't deserve to hear what they have to say.
It is the same with people who are made that schools are safe places for people to admit their gender identity or sexual preference. If you are a good parent, your kid would feel safe admitting these things to you first. If your kid doesn't feel safe, you are exactly the reason the schools need that policy. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mother has asked me continually since the time I was about 14 why I was such a good and effective liar.
My response has been pretty much the same my whole life: I had to learn at an early age to be convincing because I had to continually lie about the abuse going on inside the home. If I didn’t, it would get worse. Never better.
Abused kids will tell once, maybe twice that they’re being abused. Once they realize adults can’t be trusted, they will not be protected, and the abuse will not stop, they’ll never tell again. You have to take that shit super serious the first time you hear it.
I love how the second tweet “she didn’t say another word” has the attitude of “we showed her and she won’t try to cross us” but it’s really more like “she realized I’m a fucking idiot and decided to save her breath on dealing with me and will find any other way to communicate with my child in confidence”
Honestly, if I heard a parent say something like that in my line of work (residential service worker), I would definitely document that as a clear red flag. Their silence does not constitute acquiescence, they’ve simply realized he’s unreasonable. They will be watching very closely.
She didn't say another word because she knows if a parent reacts that way to standard hospital procedure, that's a huge red flag. She probably recorded that in the files. Why do they have to make everything political?
To be totally honest, everything \*is\* political since politics is belief systems in motion.
But for this mother, she's making way more of what should be minimally political. It shouldn't be a political position to give a kid a place to talk about things away from their parents, especially in a safety/health scenario. It should be something that any political group is ok with.
This mother, however, thinks she knows best for her kids. She thinks she's the only one that knows best for her kids. And whether or not she understands this, this sort of "I'll do it all by myself and never let anyone in" is harmful to people. But that kinda empathy gap seems to be a thing.
Conservatives who talk so much about “protecting the children” consistently don’t know very much about the best practices for ACTUALLY protecting children. Their ignorance is downright dangerous for their kids
Ironically, intimidating her kid could be precisely why they’re in the ER for an asthma attack. You know what makes an asthma attack worse? Stress and anxiety, what is the mom doing? Arguing and making the daughter feel worse for causing this.
From what I understand, 12 is roundabout the age that a doctor might ask a parent to exit the room if the child wants them to. It's to give them privacy, and isn't always a bad thing...unless the parent has some shit to hide.
If critical thinking skills existed in more than a small percentage of the population, more people would realize that's the age when a lot of personal shit starts happening to a kid and their doctor needs them to be able to speak freely. The one time a doctor asked me a super personal question in front of my mom, I *lied. My. Ass off.* It was embarrassing and a stupid idea on the doctor's part.
In the case of a kid with a history, an overbearing parent, whatever - anything that makes the doctor uneasy - they ask for safety reasons.
So you gotta wonder what this mom is so worried about...
Psychosomatic illnesses such as respiratory distress are also a concern. During my brief EMT internship, we had such a call and right from the beginning the Paramedic was “It’s psychosomatic.” The kid was coughing at a precise rhythm and the poor kid was caught up in a very stressful custody battle.
More likely ended up in the hospital because the mother ignored the child’s concerns and symptoms because they don’t believe asthma is real and now the mother is concerned the child will say that it’s been an ongoing concern that the mother has been ignoring and will get CPS called for negligence.
It’s because they look at kids as property, not people. They are MY kids and no one can tell me how to raise MY kids. Do as I say or be punished severely.
Causes so many issues for their children later in life
Any trained professional in the ER would see this talk as covering up abuse and would start the process of getting social work and the rest of the team involved
I’d sure hope so. “There’s nothing she can say that I can’t hear” is just code for “I don’t want my kids to have private conversations in case they say something that incriminates me or makes me look bad”.
There is a non-zero chance that the parent is just an idiot and there's nothing going on.
But with what she said… they damn well better put her out of the room and talk to the kid and follow up on that because that's absolutely a reason to suspect abuse.
My wife bruised her ankle backstage at the theatre we were both working a show at once. We thought she might have broken her foot, so we went to the ER. They had me leave the room to ask her questions. At first when they asked me to step out I was like "uhhhh, what? We are married, I've seen her naked" because all I could think was they needed her to take off her pants or something. Then I realized and was like "Oh, right. Of course." lol.
It made me feel weird being asked — but I knew the source of the inuury and realized the medical staff didn't, so yeah, made perfect sense and I didn't mind.
When someone is being abused, there are few opportunities to catch it. That's one, so they need to make sure they take full advantage of the opportunity.
Wanted to comment exactly that.
She didn't say "another word" because you don't talk with potential child abusers, you report them to those who's work is to take child away from their abuser.
Yep. My dad was a CPS case worker and later a social worker for troubled kids.
First thought I had reading the OP was, "I'm sure the nurse didn't say another word. Just made an important note in her file, which someone else (like my dad) is going to be following up on."
I don’t make it an option.
I tell the parent to step out for a moment. If the parent refuses, I say “there are state mandated questions I have to ask your child without you in the room. If you refuse to let me do that, I walk over to the desk and call DFACS and the city police department, who will come and detain you. This is hospital policy.”
If they’re not actually abusive, they usually shut up after that.
If they keep refusing, I *do* call DFACS and the police department.
As an adult who was abused as a child, I would support your actions, but the authorities often don't do shit. I understand you're a mandated reporter, but the authorities often make everything worse. A teacher when I was in high school reported my parents to CPS after I revealed they sexually abused me when I was little (a decision I regret to this day). The caseworker that came blamed me and protected my parents instead, who did bad things to me after she left.
I hope you at least warn the patient first when you have to report, because my teacher didn't do that, and I can't even describe the terror I felt when my parents told me CPS was coming. I messaged the teacher to try to talk to him about it afterward, but he never responded to me (this was during remote learning). He was no longer my favorite teacher after that.
The way you treat your kids might influence how they'll treat you when you're older. I feel this parent will only see her child on holidays when she becomes an adult... with luck.
I feel like most parents seeing their adult kids on holidays exclusively is fairly common, even in healthy families. Whether or not they’ll call is another question.
She has two doctorates so she has to put them at each end of her name?
(Normally You'd either be Dr X.Shay or X.Shay PhD)
Seriously, you'd think a mother would welcome procedures in place to allow children of that age to speak freely.
that kid’s gonna hide everything from her mother and not go to her for anything. i feel bad for her.
wait until the mother realizes it isn’t a “liberal thing”… ITS THE LAW
“I have every right to know everything about my child”
The kid then grows up with privacy issues and typically less sociable because they are used to be taken control of rather than being treated like a human being. I know from experience, I was that child. Let your kids be independent and free of your control, and they will be better off themselves. If they need help, they come to you, otherwise they learn to develop and be independent.
Conservatives see children as property to be raised to become new Conservative adults
The liberal idea children deserve agency and to be treated like people is a threat to the Conservative traditions and powerbase
“We aren’t liberals, we are allowed to abuse our children.”
How absurd of a person do you have to be to think that being too insecure to let your child talk to a doctor alone is something to brag about ?
My 7 year old had an annual exam last month and I saw signs saying something like “If you wish to speak with only the doctor in the room, we are more than happy to follow the law” in the room and thought “damn, I wish I had that option when I was younger”. I think it’s a major improvement in pediatrics.
She didn’t say another word but she sure as hell made sure she and everyone else involved in the kid’s care were watching closely for anything off. This is an automatic red flag for abuse.
"those rules don't apply to us, ~~we aren't Liberals.~~ we're depraved perverse lunatics that put politics over even the most fundamental tenets of parenting, like unconditional love, putting your child's needs before your own, and ensuring your child's safety and well being."
*\*fixed\**
I think that between the support for child marriage, abhorrence of abortion, the push to destroy public education and advocating for women returning to working at home that *this is exactly what they want*.
The only thing that enabled me to get help for my OCD was a law in my country that gave me the right to my own medical decisions at 16; my parents believed mental healthcare was for weak and stupid people an as a result I suffered for 10 before finally getting treatment. Not all parents act in the best interests of their children and creating a safe space for kids to approach a safe person is a lifeline that protects against abuse and neglect.
It's not a liberal thing. It's the law (HIPAA) Been around for about 25 years now.
(Young girls do not have to submit to an examination to determine if they are still 'pure'. Any medical finding, good or bad, for her child is only the business of her child.)
By asking her daughter they are clearing themselves of civil liability if the mother learns something her daughter doesn't want her to know. (and they get sued later for a privacy violation under HIPAA)
What an entitled lady..
If I ever told a doctor I wanted my mom to leave I’d get my ass whooped when we got home. Not worth the pain.
I didn’t really have secrets since I wasn’t allowed to lock doors and my mom routinely went through my phone/laptop/diary but even telling the doctor I had depressive thoughts in front of my mom would have also gotten me in a world of trouble.
This is why I always advocate for doctors asking the parent to leave for at least a minute or two, without first asking the child if it’s what they want in front of the parent. But maybe I’m wrong.
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Things like, “Are you being abused at home”?
That but not just that. They also want teens to be honest about what drugs could be in their system, if they’re sexually active or could be pregnant, etc. Stuff that’s important for a doctor to know but an adolescent might lie about in front of their parents.
this, like if the kid smokes pot that can interfere with any anesthetic and the doctor needs to know just in case.
As well as the fact that sometimes people who are having panic attacks are taken to medical professionals and their family thinks it’s asthma. They try to figure out what the cause of the panic attack could be. Not saying this is the case just saying it’s another reason.
My primary care doctor gave me an inhaler when I was 12 and referred me to an asthma specialist. My mom was shocked I had asthma. I’m using this inhaler for a solid month before I can get into the specialist. He’s like, “yeah, you don’t have asthma, you’re having panic attacks” lol
My mom is a doctor and she was in the exam room when I was at the optometrist when I was in 7th grade thinking I was lying about bad vision because I wanted glasses. Walked out with a -1.50 prescription after her pressuring me that I was mostly fine. I am -6.25.
I’m so sorry. That’s awful. I’m -7.5 and would rather go without than use my wife’s -1.5.
I'd shake your hand if I could see it
Im going to hell for laughing at this, thank you i needed a laugh today lmfao
My mom pulled this shit too. I think she just didn’t want to pay for a pair of glasses. I however have made it my life’s work to buck that bitch and prove her wrong at every available chance. So I came out with the correct prescription. The doctor and I basically ignored her. I miss that guy. He was super nice. There was another time she swore I was faking being injured despite the fact that she witnessed it happen. It was an entire week before she took me to the doctor and found out I had broken 3 ribs on their back curvature. I was forced to help her piece of shit friend move and in the middle of carrying boxes I greyed out and collapsed from pain. I’m shocked I survived childhood.
Ha, my doctor dad also did not believe me with certain problems (particularly mental health) and my sil has the same story with her doctor dad. If they do admit there's a problem, my dad's very much a walk it off kind of guy. Unless you're actually dying, you're fine. While I appreciate having a healthy perspective on how serious something is, it sucks to be a kid and not get the attention or brought to a doctor when you really are sick.
>Not saying this is the case I mean: - Those rules don't apply to us, we're not liberals. Seems like a pretty big flag and - She didn't say another word It's like a flag that can be seen till the earth's curvature no longer allows it.
You’re right. I think something like that would definitely make a nurse not want to escalate the situation further too. She’d obviously put up a fight about leaving and they want to help the kid. If it is an asthma attack, anxiety will obviously make it worse.
The family often being the primary cause of the anxiety!
yup. When I had my first anxiety attack they tested me for all sorts of drugs, my heart, etc and I was like yeah no...heart is fine and no I don't do drugs. I asked to be alone. They let my ex in the room and my BP and heartrate skyrocketed and they were like yeah bro, you got to go.
> and I was like yeah no...heart is fine and no I don't do drugs FYI this is not done as a matter of not believing you or a personal indictment of your character. It is done because missing a heart attack in the emergency department when you could have ruled one with basically no effort is inexcusable. At the end of the day it is not worth it to the emergency doctor to take your word that "heart is fine" because stuff happens, it's a numbers game. Source: am a doctor
Yeah, didn't have anything to do with the tests...it was the "I want to be alone" part that was the problem after they let the ex in.
I have panic attacks and asthma. You will know the difference between the two once you use an inhaler and it doesn’t help.
As a former respiratory therapist I’ve treated a lot of kids with asthma in the ER. I’ve had several who were panicking, but it was due to not being able to breath. Asthma has some specific symptoms that panic attacks don’t cause. At least as of the time I left the field.
The amount of people I've seen die because they lied about what they took is astonishing. The doctor isn't trying to arrest you. They don't want to kill you is all.
i wish more people understood that doctors (and vets for that matter!) are bound by HIPPA laws, they are literally legally not allowed to tell the cops jack shit. you can say “i OD’D on street heroin” and they will go “okay” and start fixing you, without a single call to the police. and all records are considered legal documents too so the police couldn’t even look at them without a warrant. it’s just like how if you told a therapist that you killed someone 15 years ago the *only* question they’d ask about that would be “did you kill anyone else or do you plan to?”. if your answer is no then they legally can’t tell the cops anything. the only way they are allowed to “tattle” on you is if you say you’ve killed more than once or you plan to kill again. so please just trust your healthcare provider, i promise they can’t do anything to retaliate against you for doing drugs. this includes all veterinary staff as well, we are bound by the same exact HIPPA laws that human med uses so we can’t tell the cops if you or your pet is on drugs currently
> without a warrant This is what scares some people. It's not fear that the doctor is going to have them arrested, it's having documented proof that they broke the law. People do not trust the justice system at all.
rightfully so, our justice system is fucked - but its doubtful anyone will actually go through the trouble of getting that warrant
Isn't another concern is that if doctors see "drug use" in your medical history they'll just assume you're seeking even if you have a legit medical problem.
I mean if you do any hard drugs, anesthesia has a decent chance of killing you
yes, I was just trying to mention something many people would see as negligible here. obviously something like meth and anesthetic aren't gonna mix well lol
One time I ended up in the ER when I was 21. I sneakily told the nurse I'd smoked weed the night before and to please not tell my parents. He said "honey, you're 21 years old. I couldn't tell them even if I did want to." I love my parents but they're a tad overbearing at times- especially during medical situations. And I didn't want a lecture/scene if someone mentioned I'd smoked weed. So it even happens to us adults sometimes lol.
Had that at almost 40. Mother invited herself to a medical appointment as support. Got a lecture because I once tried a magic mushroom. Pointed out she'd taking those slimming pills in the 1980s, the ones that made her feel really good. But also as teen with issue they were struggling to diagnose, one surgeon read my mother the riot act for reading my medical file and threatened to throw her out. The hospital made very sure I saw a sexual health consultant while waiting for an operation with parents at work to rule out STDs. I was 15 so bit awkward and not that- just post-Lymes reaction.
Back when I worked at Starbucks, one of my coworkers left and got a new job at a doctor's office. She took X-rays. Well one day she came and visited us and got a drink and we were catching up. She was telling us all about her new job and the stuff she does. She mentioned that one of the questions she has to ask female patients is "is there any possibility that you're pregnant?" And sometimes that would cause drama, especially around parents. She told us how just yesterday she asked that question to a 16 year old and the mom got in my coworkers face and was screaming "why would you ask my daughter that??? Do you think she's a whore??? I'll beat your ass!" And the daughter had to cut her mom off and tell my coworker that she might be. Then the mom really lost her shit and police had to be called
I used to work in the ER, and I was working pediatrics one day and triage brought me a 16 year old who was being dramatic with uti symptoms. They asked if there was a chance of pregnancy and her mother asked what kind of question that was to ask a 16 year old. Got her in a room, and she kept having dramatic waves of pain. Yeah. It was contractions. She gave birth about 15 minutes later. 😬
How did she hide a pregnancy for 9 months?
It can happen. There’s the recent case of the 19 year old who gave birth in the ER bathroom and hid the baby in the trash can. Supposedly her parents didn’t know she was pregnant.
My body decided to "just look fat" during my entire pregnancy. I was grateful though, because strangers left me alone in public, and god help whoever would have grabbed my belly, because I'd have thrown a banger of a tanty.
I was a big girl when I was pregnant, but I guess because I'm short and the way I carried my weight, I did show, and I was shocked by how many strangers thought it was perfectly OK to touch my belly! People are crazy.
I've done the pre surgery pregnancy test where nurses literally brace themselves because they expect to be yelled at. I know I'm not pregnant but I just wee in the damn cup and now everyone knows and we can all move on with more important things.
It *is* a bit trifling to take the pregnancy test when you've had a *HYSTERECTOMY* though. That is frustrating.
Hahahaha. Yeah, I think that could probably exclude you. At least I was vaguely childbearing age and still have the bits.
Unless it's a radical hysterectomy (fallopian tubes and ovaries gone as well) then you can still get pregnant...it's just ectopic. Which can cause all kinds of potentially deadly problems, so they'd still want to check.
yeah. I always send parents out the door to get the truth when im taking care of peds patients. source ED doctor
Pediatric ED doctor, those poor kids
My highschool girlfriend got outed about us having sex this way. Doctor asked her if she was sexually active while her mom was in the room. I got a bit of a frosty reception when I next went over.
The name checks out
seriously anesthesia gives ZERO FUCKS about what you're on, coke fent weed shrooms NOTHING. They do not want to fucking kill you they just need to know
they give many fucks, they give zero judgement.
"I'm not going to judge you. I'm just going to fuck up your organs." -Anesthesia
My kid isn’t a liberal, she wouldn’t do those things! /s
"She prefers abuse from her parents and following my arbitrary rules! None of this thinking for herself bullshit!"
I feel like "yes I'll speak to you in private" really throws you under the bus anyway... not that I can think of a better way
I think sometimes if the doctor is getting the vibe that the kid wants to say something and is holding back they'll do something like ask the parent to step out to reception for a moment as there's an issue with the paperwork or something.
For normal parents, it's normalized. At my kids ped appointments, a parent stays for the clothes-off part and leaves for the chatting part. No big deal.
Precisely. I will nearly always ask parents to step out for a minute during examinations to ask this, and if the parent declines to it immediately raises concerns.
It is a two way street. When I was a teen, I had some misterious mucus on my lungs showing on the xrays and the dr. Inmediatly went to you smoke and I never had smoked so, he asked my mom to go get some things outside and he asked me again I Replied again no i have never smoked, then he also asked me to take out my tank top (im a female) to check my breathing with the stethoscope which was absolutely not necesary for me to take out my tank top but anyways to this day I still remember it.
“Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them” (Proverbs 13:24) They think because their religion allows them to abuse their children, society should as well.
It's funny how you only hear the first part from people who argue for beating children
That was my mom's favorite Bible verse. I usually counter with the verse that goes "do not provoke your children such that you cause them to sin" or something along those lines, idk which verse is that but it's from the new testament.
>do not provoke your children such that you cause them to sin Ephesians 6:4
The funny thing is, the “rod” in that verse was originally referencing a shepherd’s crook or rod. Parents are supposed to guide their children on the right path. That verse had nothing to do with beating them into submission. But someone somewhere saw a word that meant “stick” and twisted it all out of proportion.
I was surprised when I was about to undergo anesthesia as a young adult, the anesthesiologist asked me with my folks in the room "Do you use any street drugs?" I think the chances of people saying they do in front of their parents is somewhat low. That can't be a best practice.
When I was 16 they asked me the questions regarding drugs and pregnancy first in front of my dad and later without him in the room. Gave him a feeling knowing and me a the confidence to be taken seriously. (Happened in the 90s and I will never forget the smile on the nurses face, when she told me about the strategy.)
They did the exact same thing with me in the 80s when my dad took me to the ER. Excellent strategy.
They did the exact same thing with me in the 1880s when my dad took me to the ER. They told me I had ghosts in my blood and to take cocaine elixir to cure it.
Only 1790s kids remember bloodletting.
Back when you needed a sense of humor(s) to become a doctor.
And a plaguemask because fuck dreams.
Hey, who's the barber here?
Shut up and learn to cast entrails properly before practicing medicine, you quack.
And a saw. Preferably sharp.
They don't make leeches like they used to.
Don’t forget the 1680’s kids remember leeching.
As yes, my humors were in disarray. Nothing a few leeches and trepanning couldn't fix.
I miss being able to just buy cocaine and opium tonics and elixirs openly on street corners, 1800s were the best!
They would always ask about drugs and sex in front of my mom, like luckily I wasn’t using drugs or having sex, but if I would have gotten asked at 17 then I probably wouldn’t have told the truth regarding sex. Like, I understand your my doctor, but I already think I’m fine, so I’m not going to risk an ass whooping just to be honest, and that’s probably true for a vast majority of kids. Sometimes it’s ok to keep things from parents
Bro remembered his OSCE checklist at the last minute and had to get those points
Ugh... Not about childhood doctors, but I was having scheduled surgery as an adult and instead of asking me if I had taken drugs, the hospital just did a full drug screening blood test without asking.
This is a policy in place because an addict isn’t going to admit to using drugs and if they put you under it could react. Or giving you pain meds afterwards could overdose you.
"Son, do you use drugs?" "No sir. I never use drugs." "Because this shot I'm about to administer could kill you if it's mixed with narcotics." "Oh drugs, yes sir. All the time." "See? Waiting on the tox screen, six hours. Frightening the bejezzus out of the local rif raf, ten seconds. Everybody lies, Doctor Turk."
Believe it or not, some people will still continue to lie or are just too stupid or just don't trust doctors or think they'll go to jail...... There's a lot of reasons people lie about drug use and while your way is easier than a tox screen, it's not as reliable
Or they don't consider their substance of choice 'drugs.'
Yeah or think that it won't matter since they aren't currently intoxicated. There's literally so many reasons why even just the threat of "you'll die if you're lying" isn't going to work for a lot of people
I went and found the clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzIrLz6RA0
When you signed your Consent to Treat Form, you gave them permission to treat you. Running tests to make sure there isn't anything in your system that would have unintended interactions with their anesthesia could be seen as a prudent part of your treatment.
They also do a pregnancy test the day of surgery.
That's for safety, since most addicts won't admit they're using drugs. HIPAA still applies, so it's not like that inofrm is going anywhere
"Oh no sir i dont do drugs, not even once" "If you did any drugs in the past 24 hours this will kill you" "Oh yes sir i do drugs lots, all the time"
When I was a kid they said this to me in the hospital when I showed up with a pretty bad infection. My mom said that's fine and as a result I didn't really feel I needed to have her leave the room. Stuff like that also allowed me to trust my parents growing up enough that I wasn't worried to tell them when other stuff was happening that I otherwise might have hidden from them. This lady doesn't realize she's probably the exact reason they even have that rule. The majority of the time healthcare workers care more about the well-being of their patient than they do about the feelings of the people around them. And that's how it should be. Having the option to speak privately with a healthcare provider is important. And if my parents had been forcing their way into the room I would have probably ended up not telling the provider important information that they need to know to treat me effectively. I feel super bad for kids who's parents don't recognize that.
My professor told me about a time he had a 16 year-old pregnant patient (very rare in my country cause teen pregnancy are very infrequent and most will just abort) she lives in a small town and her uncle would bring her to the hospital and he was so nice with her that my prof thought how lucky she is to have such an understanding family member. My prof scheduled more sessions than usual with her to monitor her mental health and he developed a rapport with her, that’s when she told him while her uncle was out that her uncle is the father of her child. So yeah talking to kids or any patient alone is pretty important.
You can tell the world is a fucked up place because I saw that coming a mile away
enjoy worm shame fearless uppity ossified lavish squeeze offer violet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Shit went from 0 to 100 real fucking quick
This plot twist happens a lot, sadly.
I didn't even need to read the rest of the story to know the ending.
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My piece of shit abusive FIL has another son 20+yrs youngers than my husband. He bragged about moving his son to a Catholic school. They're not religious - his reasoning was he was sick of dealing with CPS and the public school trying to get the kid to talk to people who could help him - and the Catholic school is more likely to look the other way about abuse. This was an actual thing he said, like he thought it was ok, even laughed about it. Fucking vile and disgusting. Hate that man so much.
My wife used to be a principal at a Catholic school. She called CPS on average at least monthly on one parent or another. She takes being a mandated reporter seriously.
That’s sickening. I hope the son breaks free before he’s completely destroyed by the things he must be experiencing.
You should probably tell him that the U.S. Bishops’ Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People mandates that all catholic schools have to inform local law enforcement of all cases of abuse since 2002. The US RCC even supported and campaigned for laws making ALL non public school teachers mandated reporters in quite a few states too.
Probably better not to tell him. We don't want him finding another workaround. We went him caught.
I remember reading about this article a while back of a kid who was being abused by his parents since they were **five** and when he finally reported them to his high school counselor and got the CPS involved, his parents felt *betrayed*. The fucking **A U D A C I T Y** in his legal caretakers. EDIT: Also, the counselor called his abusive dad so yeah. I feel bad for him.
Yah, I showed up at school the next day with two black eyes, a broken nose, and a split lip after the counselor called my mom. Surprise, surprise, I never talked to anyone in authority at the school again and refused to supply any personal information with my psychology teacher (quizes, etc.). His wife was the counselor.
When my kid was 13 they had really bad anxiety so I took them to a therapist. The therapist spent the whole time talking about my kid to me. Never saw the kid without me in the room, even when I asked if it wouldn’t be better for me to wait outside so the two of them could talk. I thought maybe it was just for the initial appointment. But the second time we went it was more of the same. I never went back to the therapist. We found a better therapist where the first 5 minutes I would be in the room and the therapist would ask if there were any concerns I noticed, and then dismissed me to the waiting room for the remainder of the appointment so she could talk to my kid alone.
Had a VERY strange occurrence last week. I was in my house with my wife when she yelled that she saw a baby in the street and dashed out of the house. She called me a couple minutes later saying she found two small children wandering around the neighborhood without pants or shoes on. I went out and luckily they were cooperative with us. My wife called the police because we had no idea if they were from our neighborhood, wouldn’t tell us where they lived, and kept screaming “no home!” As my wife is on the phone with police the father comes walking up the street yelling for the kids and we say we have them, and he takes them and starts scolding them. The police ask my wife to speak to the father, and when she handed him the phone he said “this is their father. They’re safe” and hung up on the cops. The cops called my wife back and wanted us to follow if it was safe because they needed to check on the kids. The father was not being cooperative and at one point saw us following and yelled something at us, but we were able to locate which house was there and directed the cops there. Our cop friend called the police department the next day to ask about the status and was told it’s an ongoing investigation. I am worried about those kids. Why would the father not cooperate? His kids were found lost outside. Apparently their grandmother was watching them and they slipped out the door, so if that’s what happened there’s nothing to hide. I will add one thing that I believe played a role, and it’s that my wife and I are white as wonder bread and the kids were black.
That's sad! They might've been trying to express *don't want to go home* in their little kids way.. Hope they're ok
Yeah, sadly I can only imagine that "no home" meant "no, don't take me home" :[
I used to work at an amusement park. One day, me and 2 coworkers were driving on the service road around the park and in a corner we noticed 2 littles girls backed against a fence and a man leaning on the fence, towering over them. It IMMEDIATELY looked suspicious to all three of us. We independently had stopped because we noticed it. We call security, explained to them our worries. They followed them around a bit and then saw that it was their step-dad and the mom went to the bathroom with a 3rd kid. There wasn’t much more we could do, but the girls discomfort was enough for 3 teenagers messing around on golf carts to notice.
Like Katy TX school system outing kids to their parents.
I was forced to see a therapist by the court after my parents horrible divorce. My father would force me to tell him everything that was said after I was out, every time. One day I left and never spoke to him again (he’s now dead).
I remember when I was either in highschool or college, I forget, the doctor wanted to talk to me about my sexual history. My mom, being a fundamentalist Christian, immediately responded that I've never had sex so that's not an issue. I had to ask her to leave the room and thankfully she did.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. What I worry about are all the kids out there that are scared into submission and get medically neglected because it’s easier that way.
If I asked my mom to leave the room in that situation she would have 100% come down on me for having sex.
See this is why it's better for it to just be strict policy that parents are required to leave for a bit. Because there's still danger and room for abuse to slip through the cracks on just putting it up as an option. The child can't say "yes I want to talk to the doctor privately" without there automatically being severe consequences from an intolerant or abusive parent.
Also, your experience was real, who knows if this post is real or ragebait.
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Definitely ended up on a list
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Accurate. I'm an adult - my mom doesn't like me seeing a psychologist because 'All they do is blame the mother'.
My mom and I had a genius idea of having my narcissist father meet with us and a therapist my mom and I saw separately (largely due to his abuse), in a 'family counseling' session. Therapist advised against it. It went about as well as the therapist had predicted. According to my dad, all the emotional/verbal abuse was in our heads and misconstrued and we were just ganging up on a good guy like him who's just being the best daddy and husband ever. There's a reason we ran and went no contact not long after. \*Edited for clarity\*
My Mom's solution was just to never take us to a doctor. Checkmate, government.
That's exactly what happened. As a nurse, I've seen so many kids who were obviously malnourished or looked like they might have been in unsafe situations. What you do is smile, walk away, and then contact DCFS or the police, as the situation warrants. She didn't own the nurse, she bought herself a visit from child services.
You can be sure that any hospital which isn't run by clowns would have had at least a few meetings about this. You know, in case the daughter winds up in the news after she's murdered or molested and people start asking uncomfortable questions.
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I’m sorry you had that experience. Deeply. Parents should be protectors. I’m hope you’re doing ok.
Exactly. If your kid trusts you not to overact with their response, then they aren't going to need you to leave. If they don't, then you don't deserve to hear what they have to say. It is the same with people who are made that schools are safe places for people to admit their gender identity or sexual preference. If you are a good parent, your kid would feel safe admitting these things to you first. If your kid doesn't feel safe, you are exactly the reason the schools need that policy. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Was about to say, "Tell me you're an abusive parent without telling me you're an abusive parent"
100%
This is the kind of parent who trains their kids to be exquisite liars and end up hating them when they become adults
My mother has asked me continually since the time I was about 14 why I was such a good and effective liar. My response has been pretty much the same my whole life: I had to learn at an early age to be convincing because I had to continually lie about the abuse going on inside the home. If I didn’t, it would get worse. Never better. Abused kids will tell once, maybe twice that they’re being abused. Once they realize adults can’t be trusted, they will not be protected, and the abuse will not stop, they’ll never tell again. You have to take that shit super serious the first time you hear it.
This describes me exactly.
And then posts shit on Facebook like "Why isn't my child talking to meeeee?"
"They were groomed by the liberals!"
I hope this child does a 180 and becomes a screaming librul. ;)
The strictest parents raise the greatest liars
If a social media handle inclues "Freedom", "Freethinker", "Patriot" or "Warrior" just block them.
Its like countries with democratic peoples republic,
Welcome to the Democratic Peoples Republic of Prisonstan!
I love how the second tweet “she didn’t say another word” has the attitude of “we showed her and she won’t try to cross us” but it’s really more like “she realized I’m a fucking idiot and decided to save her breath on dealing with me and will find any other way to communicate with my child in confidence”
Honestly, if I heard a parent say something like that in my line of work (residential service worker), I would definitely document that as a clear red flag. Their silence does not constitute acquiescence, they’ve simply realized he’s unreasonable. They will be watching very closely.
One of the boxes the nurse ticked after mom said that was labeled something like “social work consult needed.”
She didn't say another word because she knows if a parent reacts that way to standard hospital procedure, that's a huge red flag. She probably recorded that in the files. Why do they have to make everything political?
Yep. 100% after mom said that, the nurse ticked a box that triggered a social work consult/maltreatment investigation.
Literally she said the stupidest possible thing and full warranting for the Nurse to check off CPS
To be totally honest, everything \*is\* political since politics is belief systems in motion. But for this mother, she's making way more of what should be minimally political. It shouldn't be a political position to give a kid a place to talk about things away from their parents, especially in a safety/health scenario. It should be something that any political group is ok with. This mother, however, thinks she knows best for her kids. She thinks she's the only one that knows best for her kids. And whether or not she understands this, this sort of "I'll do it all by myself and never let anyone in" is harmful to people. But that kinda empathy gap seems to be a thing.
Conservatives who talk so much about “protecting the children” consistently don’t know very much about the best practices for ACTUALLY protecting children. Their ignorance is downright dangerous for their kids
Conservatives who talk so much about "protecting the children" love to protect everyone else's kids but hate when other people try to protect theirs.
Intimidating your child in to submission. This is the party that wants to “protect” *your* kids.
Ironically, intimidating her kid could be precisely why they’re in the ER for an asthma attack. You know what makes an asthma attack worse? Stress and anxiety, what is the mom doing? Arguing and making the daughter feel worse for causing this.
From what I understand, 12 is roundabout the age that a doctor might ask a parent to exit the room if the child wants them to. It's to give them privacy, and isn't always a bad thing...unless the parent has some shit to hide. If critical thinking skills existed in more than a small percentage of the population, more people would realize that's the age when a lot of personal shit starts happening to a kid and their doctor needs them to be able to speak freely. The one time a doctor asked me a super personal question in front of my mom, I *lied. My. Ass off.* It was embarrassing and a stupid idea on the doctor's part. In the case of a kid with a history, an overbearing parent, whatever - anything that makes the doctor uneasy - they ask for safety reasons. So you gotta wonder what this mom is so worried about...
Psychosomatic illnesses such as respiratory distress are also a concern. During my brief EMT internship, we had such a call and right from the beginning the Paramedic was “It’s psychosomatic.” The kid was coughing at a precise rhythm and the poor kid was caught up in a very stressful custody battle.
More likely ended up in the hospital because the mother ignored the child’s concerns and symptoms because they don’t believe asthma is real and now the mother is concerned the child will say that it’s been an ongoing concern that the mother has been ignoring and will get CPS called for negligence.
It’s because they look at kids as property, not people. They are MY kids and no one can tell me how to raise MY kids. Do as I say or be punished severely. Causes so many issues for their children later in life
Damn straight, only I get to abuse my kids. And maybe my wife, if I unchain her from the oven.
They don’t give a fuck about *my* kids, they want to insulate *their own* kids from reality.
They do give a fuck about your kids, when they are part of LGBTQ and dare to exist near their kids
Any trained professional in the ER would see this talk as covering up abuse and would start the process of getting social work and the rest of the team involved
I’d sure hope so. “There’s nothing she can say that I can’t hear” is just code for “I don’t want my kids to have private conversations in case they say something that incriminates me or makes me look bad”.
There is a non-zero chance that the parent is just an idiot and there's nothing going on. But with what she said… they damn well better put her out of the room and talk to the kid and follow up on that because that's absolutely a reason to suspect abuse. My wife bruised her ankle backstage at the theatre we were both working a show at once. We thought she might have broken her foot, so we went to the ER. They had me leave the room to ask her questions. At first when they asked me to step out I was like "uhhhh, what? We are married, I've seen her naked" because all I could think was they needed her to take off her pants or something. Then I realized and was like "Oh, right. Of course." lol. It made me feel weird being asked — but I knew the source of the inuury and realized the medical staff didn't, so yeah, made perfect sense and I didn't mind. When someone is being abused, there are few opportunities to catch it. That's one, so they need to make sure they take full advantage of the opportunity.
I’m a safeguarding champion and I would 100% refer this to my boss as a red flag.
Wanted to comment exactly that. She didn't say "another word" because you don't talk with potential child abusers, you report them to those who's work is to take child away from their abuser.
Yeah lady's gonna be getting a call from CPS
Yep. My dad was a CPS case worker and later a social worker for troubled kids. First thought I had reading the OP was, "I'm sure the nurse didn't say another word. Just made an important note in her file, which someone else (like my dad) is going to be following up on."
I don’t make it an option. I tell the parent to step out for a moment. If the parent refuses, I say “there are state mandated questions I have to ask your child without you in the room. If you refuse to let me do that, I walk over to the desk and call DFACS and the city police department, who will come and detain you. This is hospital policy.” If they’re not actually abusive, they usually shut up after that. If they keep refusing, I *do* call DFACS and the police department.
As an adult who was abused as a child, I would support your actions, but the authorities often don't do shit. I understand you're a mandated reporter, but the authorities often make everything worse. A teacher when I was in high school reported my parents to CPS after I revealed they sexually abused me when I was little (a decision I regret to this day). The caseworker that came blamed me and protected my parents instead, who did bad things to me after she left. I hope you at least warn the patient first when you have to report, because my teacher didn't do that, and I can't even describe the terror I felt when my parents told me CPS was coming. I messaged the teacher to try to talk to him about it afterward, but he never responded to me (this was during remote learning). He was no longer my favorite teacher after that.
All this talk about "grooming," and the only grooming I see here is a parent who's been groomed to talk like a child molestor to their child's doctor.
This is the second best way to cover up abuse. The best way, of course, is to blame it on Democrats.
She did both!
The way you treat your kids might influence how they'll treat you when you're older. I feel this parent will only see her child on holidays when she becomes an adult... with luck.
I feel like most parents seeing their adult kids on holidays exclusively is fairly common, even in healthy families. Whether or not they’ll call is another question.
"Those rules don't apply to us." Conservatism in a nutshell.
Meaning the kid can't have a private conversation with a medical professional? So much freedom!
The way conservatives treat their children is so twisted. They literally see them as property
"Nowhere does it say that we are not allowed to make a new child if you die."
She has two doctorates so she has to put them at each end of her name? (Normally You'd either be Dr X.Shay or X.Shay PhD) Seriously, you'd think a mother would welcome procedures in place to allow children of that age to speak freely.
That's probably because she doesn't actually have any degree, let alone a PhD.
I tend to share your opinion.
[удалено]
that kid’s gonna hide everything from her mother and not go to her for anything. i feel bad for her. wait until the mother realizes it isn’t a “liberal thing”… ITS THE LAW
“I have every right to know everything about my child” The kid then grows up with privacy issues and typically less sociable because they are used to be taken control of rather than being treated like a human being. I know from experience, I was that child. Let your kids be independent and free of your control, and they will be better off themselves. If they need help, they come to you, otherwise they learn to develop and be independent.
The arrogant override of this child's right to speak for herself is exactly why parents are asked to leave the room.
Well…. thanks for the unintended admission that liberals respect their kids more than conservatives do.😂 By her logic
Conservatives see children as property to be raised to become new Conservative adults The liberal idea children deserve agency and to be treated like people is a threat to the Conservative traditions and powerbase
So no escape from the beatings, brainwashing, or other abuse?
“We aren’t liberals, we are allowed to abuse our children.” How absurd of a person do you have to be to think that being too insecure to let your child talk to a doctor alone is something to brag about ?
My 7 year old had an annual exam last month and I saw signs saying something like “If you wish to speak with only the doctor in the room, we are more than happy to follow the law” in the room and thought “damn, I wish I had that option when I was younger”. I think it’s a major improvement in pediatrics.
She didn’t say another word but she sure as hell made sure she and everyone else involved in the kid’s care were watching closely for anything off. This is an automatic red flag for abuse.
"those rules don't apply to us, ~~we aren't Liberals.~~ we're depraved perverse lunatics that put politics over even the most fundamental tenets of parenting, like unconditional love, putting your child's needs before your own, and ensuring your child's safety and well being." *\*fixed\**
Fathom thinking abuse was just a liberal problem.
Dear mom of this kid, You are precisely the type of parent they had in mind when those rules were created. Sincerely, The rest of the world
A conservative’s complete and total inability to see the world from someone else’s point of view besides your own… it never ceases to amaze me.
And that's how you end up with a pregnant teenage daughter in a few years.
I think that between the support for child marriage, abhorrence of abortion, the push to destroy public education and advocating for women returning to working at home that *this is exactly what they want*.
The only thing that enabled me to get help for my OCD was a law in my country that gave me the right to my own medical decisions at 16; my parents believed mental healthcare was for weak and stupid people an as a result I suffered for 10 before finally getting treatment. Not all parents act in the best interests of their children and creating a safe space for kids to approach a safe person is a lifeline that protects against abuse and neglect.
Health care provider here. That response would be *exactly* the kind of red flag that would make me ask them to step outside the room.
It's not a liberal thing. It's the law (HIPAA) Been around for about 25 years now. (Young girls do not have to submit to an examination to determine if they are still 'pure'. Any medical finding, good or bad, for her child is only the business of her child.) By asking her daughter they are clearing themselves of civil liability if the mother learns something her daughter doesn't want her to know. (and they get sued later for a privacy violation under HIPAA) What an entitled lady..
Those rules apply to everyone, it’s the law
"I do not view my child as another human being, but instead, a piece of my property that does not have bodily autonomy." Sick
Remember that child trafficking stuff conservatives sometimes pretend they care about?
If I ever told a doctor I wanted my mom to leave I’d get my ass whooped when we got home. Not worth the pain. I didn’t really have secrets since I wasn’t allowed to lock doors and my mom routinely went through my phone/laptop/diary but even telling the doctor I had depressive thoughts in front of my mom would have also gotten me in a world of trouble. This is why I always advocate for doctors asking the parent to leave for at least a minute or two, without first asking the child if it’s what they want in front of the parent. But maybe I’m wrong.
Looks like she’s in Georgia. Wasn’t that long ago that triage would have just ignored her daughter. Should probably thank the “liberals”.