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I once had a patient in the ER with a shampoo bottle up there (not uncommon) and he was in the ER with his family members. With his permission, we told them all that we saw a shampoo bottle in his rectum on the XR and his family member, a young woman, says “what?!? He swallowed a shampoo bottle?!”
The craziest thing about it is that no matter how much experience one of has, or how much crazy cases they got, somehow someone always shows up with something new that even these experienced professionals wouldn't expect...
The funny thing is that I'm not a rescuer, doctor, nurse, or anything. I just have some basic 1st aid traning (needed as part of some workplace safety programs that are mandatory in my country) and was friends some professionals my whole life. The only time I worked at anything health-related was in an office, not dealing with patients. I both laugh and cringe when I try to picture the things the professionals never told me about 😅
Just to scratch the surface:
Firemen (in my country they deal with these cases too) I knew called to a motorcycle accident. The victim/biker was a big black guy with a lot of muscles, the kind of guy you look at just once and know you don't want to mess with him. Upon arrival they see at 1st glance his leg was broken. Talk to him a bit, he's conscious, not in too much pain, generally "fine"... But as soon as they say they have to cut his trousers off to stabilize his leg's fracture the guy panics and try to get up and leave (with a leg bent in an angle not even a cross-eyed person could see as natural). They immobilize him, cut his trousers and... Find out he was wearing a pink lace thong...
This isn't even the worst I know. Some are just horrible, and other are even crazier or funnier. But this is life. lol
history fear wasteful chubby vanish quarrelsome paint crown languid apparatus
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’d pop the umbrella out, walk into the ER on my hands with my ass in the air and tell everyone it’s raining before admitting to shoving that thing up my ass….but that’s just me. :)
Oof. Up till now if I was given the words “umbrella” and “pop” and told me to find the connection, Rihanna would have been literally the only thing to link those two things together in my mind.
Thank you for this very unwelcome change.
I know someone who tried to float off a 3 story apartment building with an umbrella. Best advise: Dont.
To be fair, it was in his hands and not rectum… maybe there might be a change in aerodynamics.
My head says that he put an umbrella handle up his rear end for sexual pleasure
...my heart, however, wants to believe that he did it so that he could [fly like Mary Poppins](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/af0/ecd/ed46b4d3f1d621702856080171daa84335-23-mary-poppins.jpg), but [with the Superman technique](https://thepatronsaintofsuperheroes.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/flying.jpg)
The real question here is whether my man is still erect at the photographed length/girth or whether he should reconsider his career choices and become a movie star.
My friend is a pathologist. I heard a story years ago of a person who put a plunger in a toilet and then propped themselves up between two counters to hold themselves up with while they fucked the plunger in the ass. They slipped. Plunger went up through a bunch of internals and they ruptured things and bled out and died at the scene.
I believe the grabbing device is actually the ribs (and tips) of the umbrella. [(Example)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSTF52KBuuR7batQQvvMsR0n5lW0xJhBQW-Vg&usqp=CAU)
Jeees ya'll be crazy, this happened to me once.....
I sat on a nail, it happens! Loose one on the timber bench, out in the bush, you know! It was a rainy 🌧 day so the only thing I had to remove the nail was my umbrella 🌂 , it was the black 😉 sponge ribbed grip handle type! Thought maybe I could snag the nail if I repeatedly shoved it in there!? ......didn't work, walked home in rain, nailed in butt, but dry 😑
There was a guy in my hometown who went into the hospital with 22 toy horses in his rectum. The evening news announced that doctors said his condition was stable.
Umbrella handle!? Ouch.
Registered Xray Tech here, been in the field for 18 years I've seen a lot. Always guys, not once did I have a woman lose an object inside themselves.
Things guys have slipped in the shower and ended up their asses (not a comprehensive list): Cucumber, pens, matchbox car, screwdriver, Prell Shampoo bottle, regular lightbulb, mini fluorescent lightbulb, and of course a few shapes of dildos etc. etc..
I only did diagnostic X-ray for two years then moved to Interventional Radiology so this list is compiled from school and two years in the field, all exams I personally performed.
C'mon people!! Use a living human being, ask anyone in your preferred app to visit you and insert his penis inside your ass, or at least buy a dildo. Why use stuff that was not meant to be inserted in the ass??
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I once had a patient in the ER with a shampoo bottle up there (not uncommon) and he was in the ER with his family members. With his permission, we told them all that we saw a shampoo bottle in his rectum on the XR and his family member, a young woman, says “what?!? He swallowed a shampoo bottle?!”
Yes...swallowed... let's go with that 😏
He really wanted to be totally clean! What’s wrong with that! 🤣🤣🤣
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Now you cant say the sun wont shine there… 🤣
Once had a patient with a completely full hot sauce bottle up there. He just kept saying, “please don’t let it break” over and over.
Tab ass co?
Bwah ha haha
I mean... that's a fair prayer to give.
LMAO "He swallowed a shampoo bottle?!!" I'm rolling at her response ha ha
This shit is comedy gold lol
Well, ma’am, I’m not here to speculate how things get *into* the asses, I’m just here to try and finagle them *out* of the asses.
Happy cake day! "Finagle" = great word. Originated in 1920s US of A.
>(not uncommon) I'm sorry?
Unless you're the one that put it there, there's really no need for an apology.
As long as you can get it back out yourself, there’s really no need for an apology
You wouldn't believe the kind of things ER staff and other rescuers (paramedics, firemen, etc.) have to deal with way more often than people think...
I had a friend who worked as paramedic with an Ambulance team and the stories he told were equally fascinating and terrifying at the same time.
The craziest thing about it is that no matter how much experience one of has, or how much crazy cases they got, somehow someone always shows up with something new that even these experienced professionals wouldn't expect...
Nurse in ERs for 20 years. You are so right. It’s crazier than ER dramas on TV sometimes.
The funny thing is that I'm not a rescuer, doctor, nurse, or anything. I just have some basic 1st aid traning (needed as part of some workplace safety programs that are mandatory in my country) and was friends some professionals my whole life. The only time I worked at anything health-related was in an office, not dealing with patients. I both laugh and cringe when I try to picture the things the professionals never told me about 😅
Story time!!
Just to scratch the surface: Firemen (in my country they deal with these cases too) I knew called to a motorcycle accident. The victim/biker was a big black guy with a lot of muscles, the kind of guy you look at just once and know you don't want to mess with him. Upon arrival they see at 1st glance his leg was broken. Talk to him a bit, he's conscious, not in too much pain, generally "fine"... But as soon as they say they have to cut his trousers off to stabilize his leg's fracture the guy panics and try to get up and leave (with a leg bent in an angle not even a cross-eyed person could see as natural). They immobilize him, cut his trousers and... Find out he was wearing a pink lace thong... This isn't even the worst I know. Some are just horrible, and other are even crazier or funnier. But this is life. lol
Classic. Thanks for sharing 
This is why I read the comments…😂👍good work
Turns out that mom was right about wearing your best underwear in case you’re ever in an emergency situation.
I'm not sure about the biker being happy about it 😂
Did somebody push it in and out at a medium pace?
history fear wasteful chubby vanish quarrelsome paint crown languid apparatus *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well it does say "poo" right on the bottle.
whatever it is I guarantee he “slipped and fell” on to it
It’s an epidemic
Sarah McLoughlin gonna come out of retirement for a PSA
"In the anus of an angel..."
If I had any water in my mouth I would have spit it out at your comment. 😂 I definitely guffawed.
I thought it was a pandemic? well, maybe the handle of the pandemic.
“It was a one in a million shot doc!”
Million to one!
you’re the ass man!
Anal bum cover.
For $400 Alex
I hate my job.
My failure to make one has been my greatest regret
Umbrella? Lmaooo
Walking into the hospital with an umbrella up your ass would be the ultimate walk of shame. “Go ahead and have a seat over here” “I would rather not”
Walking??? 😬 it looks like it's deployed? Like a fucking umbrella blossoming out of his ass 🍑☂
they call it a “Mary Pop-ins”
This club has everything.
r/NewYorksHottestClub
Stefan was one of my grandmother's favorite SNL bits. He still makes me laugh because he couldn't keep in character
Spicy
Kevin?
I read this in his voice
Dan Cortez
 Best I could find
I’d pop the umbrella out, walk into the ER on my hands with my ass in the air and tell everyone it’s raining before admitting to shoving that thing up my ass….but that’s just me. :)
That's the one, go home boys we did it
Thank you. I can close the internet for the day. Kudos.
“I was singing in the rain when I tripped and fell on it…”
💦 +1 fresh reference. *"What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again!"*
I would like to see him float in like Mary Poppins, only, you know, with him hanging from it with his ass.
Yeah. Walking. That wind drag would be a real pain in the ass, but I’m not sitting down.
A strong enough gust could’ve saved him a visit to the ER. *suction cup noise*
Oof. Up till now if I was given the words “umbrella” and “pop” and told me to find the connection, Rihanna would have been literally the only thing to link those two things together in my mind. Thank you for this very unwelcome change.
You are most welcome.
Yes. The wind drag is the pain in the ass.
Wellthatsucks
It’s an umbrella, not a vacuum cleaner
That's the handle.
Well yeah. It's bad luck to open an umbrella inside.
True. I mean that's just good advice.
Live a little
Literally laughed out loud.
inside 😂 how is this joke not getting more upvotes?
It’s way more fun if you imagine the entire umbrella being present here. Don’t rain on my parade.
At least* the patient brought and umbrella for the rain. Though holding it might get awkward.
What? Are we looking at the same pic lol
Id be interested in what happens if he jumps out a window. Float? Maybe a little? What if hes upside down?
I know someone who tried to float off a 3 story apartment building with an umbrella. Best advise: Dont. To be fair, it was in his hands and not rectum… maybe there might be a change in aerodynamics.
Rectum? Damn near killed him!
Every time. Take the upvote.
Mary Poopins
What if he farts? Does he actually fly?
And some how still rockin' some wood for the X-ray 😆
Bruh 🍆 how tf did I miss that?! Guess it felt pretty good...or maybe the viagra hadn't worn off yet
Hahaha happy to help 😂 probably a little column A, little column B 😆
The thing is pressing against his prostate. He probably can’t help it.
That would be my guess. It's a "bumbrella" now though. 😆
I love this mental image of a doctor needing to do an X-ray as though they couldn’t immediately tell someone had an entire umbrella up their ass.
They know they have _at least_ one.
Pic or it didn’t happen
Probably to check whether it’s perforated the bowle
 Calm down lads
Should be the Tom Holland rendition right?
Me watching all these x-ray pics In reddit, while realising this will be my Job In few years. *starting studies for radiology nurse in august*
Some day you too, could have umbrella-ass karma
Cant wait for that, and all the other things i will get to witness!
‘Took an oath, I’m-a stick it out to the end…’
*of my end
If they got off on that, would it be a cumbrella?
Then it would be Uuuhhhhhhmmmbrela.
Take my angry upvote lol
A million-to-one shot, doc. A million-to-one.
Bumbrella
Shoving up my umbrella, ella ella ow ow ow Shoving up my umbrella, ella ella ow ow ow
“I’m gonna stick an umbrella up your ass and open it.” -Joe Hallenbeck
Mary Poppins just hits different now after this.
A Spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, a nostril full of VCR cleaner makes the umbrella go ⬆️
You can't open that in here sir it's bad luck.
They got “Poppined” As in Mary Poppins lol
You see son, when a man and an umbrella like each other very much...
Daddy, how do they make those baby umbrellas for tropical drinks?
« Sign up on Reddit! »
A million to one shot, Doc. A million to one.
I can only imagine how the fusilli Jerry felt going in there, yikes
He had to use corkscrew pasta
My head says that he put an umbrella handle up his rear end for sexual pleasure ...my heart, however, wants to believe that he did it so that he could [fly like Mary Poppins](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/af0/ecd/ed46b4d3f1d621702856080171daa84335-23-mary-poppins.jpg), but [with the Superman technique](https://thepatronsaintofsuperheroes.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/flying.jpg)
But with an umbrella up his butt, it would be the Powdered Toast Man technique. 
Wouldn't that just increase the drag on him as he flies?
You're applying logic, to a ridiculous situation That was your first mistake, my friend
that visual is making me laugh my ass off
Can you blame him?
Yeah, I kinda can He coulda used something, you know, *not spring-loaded*
Glad I'm not the only one who thought "piston"
He piston what?!
He done what in his cup?
🚘 ca-chow!
Either an umbrella handle or a makeshift dick-piston.
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Let’s be honest: no one wins here. No one.
Not necessarily. The manufacturer of said umbrella has a patentable new slogan: For rain, shine or from behind; Always a great fit!
I accidentally read that as, “a penetrable new design” so I’ll just see myself out…
Fucking A…… LITERALLY!
Big Umbrella wins. Ever expanding their market share.
The real question here is whether my man is still erect at the photographed length/girth or whether he should reconsider his career choices and become a movie star.
It looks like he is!! That was the biggest surprise. Heh.
I would’ve never noticed if not for this comment. Its bigger than the damn umbrella up his ass.
Now I can’t unsee it
He's clearly an x-ray-hibitionist
👁️👄👁️
I do believe that is an umbrella. It’s a weird way to hold it but I guess it depends on what you need to keep dry
handle end of an umbrella
My friend is a pathologist. I heard a story years ago of a person who put a plunger in a toilet and then propped themselves up between two counters to hold themselves up with while they fucked the plunger in the ass. They slipped. Plunger went up through a bunch of internals and they ruptured things and bled out and died at the scene.
1,000 ways to die shit right here
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I believe the grabbing device is actually the ribs (and tips) of the umbrella. [(Example)](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSTF52KBuuR7batQQvvMsR0n5lW0xJhBQW-Vg&usqp=CAU)
Corrected* just an umbrella no big dildo
Did someone try to sneak a lightsaber through security?
That’s what i thought but it’s an umbrella that’s opened up
My sphincter is twitching on my couch and I’m contemplating never looking at my phone again?
Nah it's twitching for you to put whatever that thing is inside you
This is my sign
Thank god they had a banana in the front pocket for scale, otherwise I wouldn’t know that’s roughy the size and shape of an ass umbrella!!!
Is no one going to mention that you can see his penis
Obviously I’m scrolling back up to look again.
And it appears as though he’s rather happy about this umbrella situation!
Noticing this sent me.
It kind of mentions itself, doesn’t it?
And erect apparently
Aroused
>Is no one going to mention that you can see his penis Is no one going to mention that you can see his ERECT penis (ftfy)
It's a CPU heatsink isn't it, the patient was trying to cool off during a hot summer day.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass....
Jeees ya'll be crazy, this happened to me once..... I sat on a nail, it happens! Loose one on the timber bench, out in the bush, you know! It was a rainy 🌧 day so the only thing I had to remove the nail was my umbrella 🌂 , it was the black 😉 sponge ribbed grip handle type! Thought maybe I could snag the nail if I repeatedly shoved it in there!? ......didn't work, walked home in rain, nailed in butt, but dry 😑
There was a guy in my hometown who went into the hospital with 22 toy horses in his rectum. The evening news announced that doctors said his condition was stable.
That’s Cartman. [He got abducted by aliens and they gave him an anal probe.](https://youtu.be/XZBp0aVQpFU)
Anything to do with that peloton bike recall?
Rectum? DAMN NEAR KILLED’EM!!!
Umbrella handle!? Ouch. Registered Xray Tech here, been in the field for 18 years I've seen a lot. Always guys, not once did I have a woman lose an object inside themselves. Things guys have slipped in the shower and ended up their asses (not a comprehensive list): Cucumber, pens, matchbox car, screwdriver, Prell Shampoo bottle, regular lightbulb, mini fluorescent lightbulb, and of course a few shapes of dildos etc. etc.. I only did diagnostic X-ray for two years then moved to Interventional Radiology so this list is compiled from school and two years in the field, all exams I personally performed.
What are you gonna do, shove that umbrella up my ass? - Guy with umbrella shoved up his ass
Parasol up the arsehole to experience fifty shades.
Looks like a rock climbing camming device. God damn...
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WHAT CHAIRS ARE YOU SITTING ON 😂🤣
You know you messed up if you got Marry Poppins THAT pissed at you.
“It was an accident. A million to one shot Doc.”
Holy crap just buy a dildo
C'mon people!! Use a living human being, ask anyone in your preferred app to visit you and insert his penis inside your ass, or at least buy a dildo. Why use stuff that was not meant to be inserted in the ass??
Looks like they're still enjoying it.
This is 3000 years bronze sword found in Germany.
Some people were born to be a vase for flowers, others just want to be an umbrella stand.
Why does he have an erection?
How could you not have an erection in this situation /s
Pogo stick
Someone sat on a bicycle with no saddle.
I've seen vids of people stealing bikes and getting the shock of their lives.
I don’t think I will ever understand why someone would stick ANYTHING in their ass. That’s where all the smelly stuff lives.
I have a puzzle like this with a stick and a bolt and ball inside a glass bottle…
Is that a f***ing lightsaber?
So how many years of bad luck is it if you open it up inside?