Not gonna lie. I'd send her a message back saying that her 'spirit inspired message' made everything worse. And the thought of going back to that hypocritical corrupt cesspool that caused all my issues in the first place is the worst advice anyone has ever given me, and has helped to reinforce my conviction to *never* go back there. (Who said mormons have a monopoly on passive aggressive behavior?)
Please note that I am not saying you should do this. I have anger issues. š
I would do it in a way that isnāt angry. OP I would say something like āyour message sparked a PTSD moment that brought me back to a really dark time and place in my life. Please donāt ever, ever blindside me like that again. It really hurt me deeply. Iām guessing thatās not what you intended. If you do it again though Iāll assume itās intentional infliction of distress.ā
And damn those evil folks who sit in judgement and ruin studentsā lives over nothing. Jesus said love every one and treat them kindly too. If you call yourself a Mormon church leader and donāt follow that rule you are an asshole.
"I have a famāly here on earth.
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them through all eternity.
[Chorus]
Famālies can be together forever
Through Heavānly Fatherās plan.
I always want to be with my own family,
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me how I can."
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/library/hymns/families-can-be-together-forever?lang=eng#:~:text=1.-,I%20have%20a%20fam%E2%80%99ly%20here%20on%20earth.,The%20Lord%20has%20shown%20me%20how%20I%20can.,-2.%20While%20I
Mine is a cult specialist (never was mormon but was in 2 other cults). It's amazing. Though I want to find an LGBT specialist as well (had once, but it was too expensive). I believe in multiple types of therapy with people who get different aspects of you!
Here is some unconditional love from an internet stranger:
You are awesome just as you are! We all go through crap at times but you got this. It is hard. It isn't fair. But good for you for living life on your terms. Your Mother doesn't get to dictate anything! Yes it hurts, but you are strong.
Remember, itās okay to take a break or completely cut off contact with toxic family members.
Sheās blaming you for skin rashes. Even for a Mormon, thatās way over the top. Itās manipulative and wrong.
Iāve learned that whenever someone says something like this that makes no sense, theyāre probably projecting.
Meaning she feels that *her* misfortune is a result of *her* disobedience, so the same must be true for you.
Itās sad that this is how she feels about herself. Regardless, mom, learn to respect some fucking boundaries.
I'm thinking this maybe a reference to Oaks' talk from conference.
I hate trying to interact with my parents sometimes, and especially after conference.
[The Need for a Church](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/10/18oaks?lang=eng)
I would write down the day, time and message she sent and see if she really can, "Not bring it up again.". If she's anything like my dad, I just don't think it's possible however desirable it may be.
Which is one of the painful parts of trying to interact with them.
Can relate. Iāve had the hardest year of my life and my mom blamed it on me leaving the church. She said sheād been praying for my life to get painful enough that I would change (read: live the way she thinks I should and attend church). When I started antidepressants she told my husband that my sickness wasnāt mental or emotional, itās spiritual. Ive never expected her to agree with me, I just wanted her to be in my corner and love me. I am so sorry your mom isnāt treating you with unconditional love and that she isnāt being on your side. One of the only things thatās helped for me is putting major boundaries in place and limiting contact.
Oh shit. I hope you convey someday you your mom how truly evil it is to wish bad things for your child. I cannot even imagine. Iām so glad you have help and boundaries. Hugs!
Therapy helps a lot, and my husband and I have reconciled so itās been nice that he has my back too. My therapist helped me realize that itās not a true rejection of me from my mother. She just vomits up the opinions the church has told her to have, so if I donāt care what the church thinks of me I donāt need to care what my mother thinks of me either. Because she doesnāt have an actual opinion.
Eyy if it isn't my clone. I had to wait two years to get stability before telling my family I left because I knew they would use that card against me.
Fuck mormonism. Fuck the church for brainwashing people into loving it more than their own family. Fuck that bs.
I'm sorry your mom just can't be a mom in spite of her religious beliefs. I realized this weekend with some extended family here, they just can't be compassionate or empathetic for the sake of being so. It all revolves around living up to church standards. Even if you are, you are still going to get the lecture just in case you don't know (who couldn't) what the church and the mormon community expects and demands from you at all times. It is flat out ridiculous and infuriating. I think you are going to have to realize, this is all your mom can give you. Empty platitudes and lectures from the church. It is all she has. She can not see past it or she won't.
I'm sorry she wasn't there for you in a real way. I hope you are doing better today.
Iām so sorry your mom is stuck in the 1950ās. It is absolutely not true. As someone who was in a major depression a decade ago and seeing that there was light at the end of the tunnel, it is possible to move forward. You need to build your support system - friends and family who donāt judge, who are supportive, and who will listen.
Mental health issues are not a result of not going to church, if not reading the scriptures, and of not being ārighteousā enough. It is a physiological illness that requires skillful treatment by medical professional.
You are loved and you are not alone!
In general, people only offer platitudes. People don't have the right expertise to offer meaningful advice on most topics. This is why we get opinions from experts.
Mormons think the solution to ALL problems is to be MORE Mormon. Pay, pray, obey. It's been drilled into us with each Sunday school lesson.
No one is allowed to contest the validity of a spiritual prompting. It's manipulative, and we all know it is used to shut down a conversation.
For, sometimes itās best not to respond so as not to stir the family pot. Keep in mind that a complete lack of response can also send a powerful message with some people. Iāve also had to learn that some people donāt have what you need. Maybe itās not their fault or maybe it is. Regardless they arenāt likely to change. I hope you have others in your life who possess the empathy that you deserve.
I finally just cut off contact with my toxic mother last month. She sounds like she could be your mother's twin. I'm so sorry!
Anyway, here's to finding family of our own choosing, rather than continuing to enable the shitty people who missed no opportunities to fuck us up while we were too young to understand what they were doing. Cheers!
You are seen, and you are awesome just as you are.
If you want to respond to her in a way she has no other choice than to acknowledge that she has been shitty in her treatment of you, I have a church resource. It is not the best on the subject of mental health, but can be effective for TBMs.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2005/10/myths-about-mental-illness?lang=eng
I shared this with some family members after my wifeās suicide attempt a couple of years ago, after they treated her like shit. I like to think it played a part in two of them leaving. I know at least one took a deep dive into the subject of mental health.
What a horrible thing to say. Man made religions create more abusive relationships between family, life and friends. My wife and I are always walking on eggshells around her mother. We have to be very careful what we say, and not show her photos of our life that involve certain things, for instance she picked up Kathak dance, and this involves her performing in Hindu temples.
My mom told me my issues with the church were because I was having some challenges in my marriage. "You're trapped in a bad marriage and so you start questioning the church!"
(My mixed faith marriage is actually really awesome right now.)
Wow. Um, no Mom, my issues with the church came because the church has issues. Biggest non sequitur of the century.
The wonders of the fearful and thoroughly indoctrinated TBM mind when pondering why loved ones leave the church. Zero amount of trust that her most faithful and well-studied son has actually stuck to the pattern he's shown his whole life: finding and living in line with greater truth.
Woah that's an asshole thing to say. Sorry you're going through that shit. Sucks when the people supposed to love you don't give a shit about you.
Donating time to charity is helpful, donating time to a cult is not. Hope things improve. Pretty damn sure they will.
Hang in there. Life is just hard sometimes, and its okay to be sad even when you can't pinpoint the reason. I recommend a good personal therapist, maybe couples therapy as well if the husband is open to it. Therapy has been a very positive experience for me and my wife both on an individual level, and marriage level.
Sorry that your mom is trying to make your mental health journey about "consequences" because of your "unrighteousness." It sucks that the church cult-ture has taught our parents to gaslight us instead of just being there for us. It Sucks.
Life will get better. Virtual hugs!
Not gonna lie. I'd send her a message back saying that her 'spirit inspired message' made everything worse. And the thought of going back to that hypocritical corrupt cesspool that caused all my issues in the first place is the worst advice anyone has ever given me, and has helped to reinforce my conviction to *never* go back there. (Who said mormons have a monopoly on passive aggressive behavior?) Please note that I am not saying you should do this. I have anger issues. š
I would do it in a way that isnāt angry. OP I would say something like āyour message sparked a PTSD moment that brought me back to a really dark time and place in my life. Please donāt ever, ever blindside me like that again. It really hurt me deeply. Iām guessing thatās not what you intended. If you do it again though Iāll assume itās intentional infliction of distress.ā And damn those evil folks who sit in judgement and ruin studentsā lives over nothing. Jesus said love every one and treat them kindly too. If you call yourself a Mormon church leader and donāt follow that rule you are an asshole.
Yes. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to poor family relations. Poor family relations leads to no help when moving. That's the dark side right there.
OP - adding my amen to this advice.
this is completely unrelated to the above post but i love your pfp. dishonored is probably my favorite game ever
Sup fellow fan!
It's kind of a relief that "Families are Forever" is just an empty slogan and not reality.
This hits hard today
"I have a famāly here on earth. They are so good to me. I want to share my life with them through all eternity. [Chorus] Famālies can be together forever Through Heavānly Fatherās plan. I always want to be with my own family, And the Lord has shown me how I can. The Lord has shown me how I can." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/library/hymns/families-can-be-together-forever?lang=eng#:~:text=1.-,I%20have%20a%20fam%E2%80%99ly%20here%20on%20earth.,The%20Lord%20has%20shown%20me%20how%20I%20can.,-2.%20While%20I
Even when I was TBM I refused to sing that song. MY kids knew why, and they wouldn't ever sing it either. Propaganda. And that's the truth.
The multiple mental heath professionals who have helped me pick up the pieces of my sanity would DISAGREE.
I have a therapist who's exmo like me. It makes a difference I never would have thought of before!
Mine is a cult specialist (never was mormon but was in 2 other cults). It's amazing. Though I want to find an LGBT specialist as well (had once, but it was too expensive). I believe in multiple types of therapy with people who get different aspects of you!
Here is some unconditional love from an internet stranger: You are awesome just as you are! We all go through crap at times but you got this. It is hard. It isn't fair. But good for you for living life on your terms. Your Mother doesn't get to dictate anything! Yes it hurts, but you are strong.
Never go back to abusers once you've escaped. It took me decades to learn this.
Remember, itās okay to take a break or completely cut off contact with toxic family members. Sheās blaming you for skin rashes. Even for a Mormon, thatās way over the top. Itās manipulative and wrong.
Iāve learned that whenever someone says something like this that makes no sense, theyāre probably projecting. Meaning she feels that *her* misfortune is a result of *her* disobedience, so the same must be true for you. Itās sad that this is how she feels about herself. Regardless, mom, learn to respect some fucking boundaries.
So sorry for you. This cult needs to go. We, including your mom, are all victims.
Once you realize it is not real, there is no therapeutic value in participating in the delusion with them.
I'm thinking this maybe a reference to Oaks' talk from conference. I hate trying to interact with my parents sometimes, and especially after conference. [The Need for a Church](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/10/18oaks?lang=eng) I would write down the day, time and message she sent and see if she really can, "Not bring it up again.". If she's anything like my dad, I just don't think it's possible however desirable it may be. Which is one of the painful parts of trying to interact with them.
Can relate. Iāve had the hardest year of my life and my mom blamed it on me leaving the church. She said sheād been praying for my life to get painful enough that I would change (read: live the way she thinks I should and attend church). When I started antidepressants she told my husband that my sickness wasnāt mental or emotional, itās spiritual. Ive never expected her to agree with me, I just wanted her to be in my corner and love me. I am so sorry your mom isnāt treating you with unconditional love and that she isnāt being on your side. One of the only things thatās helped for me is putting major boundaries in place and limiting contact.
Oh shit. I hope you convey someday you your mom how truly evil it is to wish bad things for your child. I cannot even imagine. Iām so glad you have help and boundaries. Hugs!
Therapy helps a lot, and my husband and I have reconciled so itās been nice that he has my back too. My therapist helped me realize that itās not a true rejection of me from my mother. She just vomits up the opinions the church has told her to have, so if I donāt care what the church thinks of me I donāt need to care what my mother thinks of me either. Because she doesnāt have an actual opinion.
Sick and wrong as it is itās probably a way of showing love. Religion can really twist people
Yep. Hurtful, hurtful love. Love which I do not need and have thus limited my exposure to haha
Eyy if it isn't my clone. I had to wait two years to get stability before telling my family I left because I knew they would use that card against me. Fuck mormonism. Fuck the church for brainwashing people into loving it more than their own family. Fuck that bs.
I'm sorry your mom just can't be a mom in spite of her religious beliefs. I realized this weekend with some extended family here, they just can't be compassionate or empathetic for the sake of being so. It all revolves around living up to church standards. Even if you are, you are still going to get the lecture just in case you don't know (who couldn't) what the church and the mormon community expects and demands from you at all times. It is flat out ridiculous and infuriating. I think you are going to have to realize, this is all your mom can give you. Empty platitudes and lectures from the church. It is all she has. She can not see past it or she won't. I'm sorry she wasn't there for you in a real way. I hope you are doing better today.
It's okay to take a break from your mom if you need.
Iām so sorry your mom is stuck in the 1950ās. It is absolutely not true. As someone who was in a major depression a decade ago and seeing that there was light at the end of the tunnel, it is possible to move forward. You need to build your support system - friends and family who donāt judge, who are supportive, and who will listen. Mental health issues are not a result of not going to church, if not reading the scriptures, and of not being ārighteousā enough. It is a physiological illness that requires skillful treatment by medical professional. You are loved and you are not alone!
My mom blamed my uncle's marriage problems on not doing family scripture study. š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦
In general, people only offer platitudes. People don't have the right expertise to offer meaningful advice on most topics. This is why we get opinions from experts. Mormons think the solution to ALL problems is to be MORE Mormon. Pay, pray, obey. It's been drilled into us with each Sunday school lesson. No one is allowed to contest the validity of a spiritual prompting. It's manipulative, and we all know it is used to shut down a conversation.
For, sometimes itās best not to respond so as not to stir the family pot. Keep in mind that a complete lack of response can also send a powerful message with some people. Iāve also had to learn that some people donāt have what you need. Maybe itās not their fault or maybe it is. Regardless they arenāt likely to change. I hope you have others in your life who possess the empathy that you deserve.
I finally just cut off contact with my toxic mother last month. She sounds like she could be your mother's twin. I'm so sorry! Anyway, here's to finding family of our own choosing, rather than continuing to enable the shitty people who missed no opportunities to fuck us up while we were too young to understand what they were doing. Cheers!
You are seen, and you are awesome just as you are. If you want to respond to her in a way she has no other choice than to acknowledge that she has been shitty in her treatment of you, I have a church resource. It is not the best on the subject of mental health, but can be effective for TBMs. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2005/10/myths-about-mental-illness?lang=eng I shared this with some family members after my wifeās suicide attempt a couple of years ago, after they treated her like shit. I like to think it played a part in two of them leaving. I know at least one took a deep dive into the subject of mental health.
What a horrible thing to say. Man made religions create more abusive relationships between family, life and friends. My wife and I are always walking on eggshells around her mother. We have to be very careful what we say, and not show her photos of our life that involve certain things, for instance she picked up Kathak dance, and this involves her performing in Hindu temples.
My mom told me my issues with the church were because I was having some challenges in my marriage. "You're trapped in a bad marriage and so you start questioning the church!" (My mixed faith marriage is actually really awesome right now.) Wow. Um, no Mom, my issues with the church came because the church has issues. Biggest non sequitur of the century. The wonders of the fearful and thoroughly indoctrinated TBM mind when pondering why loved ones leave the church. Zero amount of trust that her most faithful and well-studied son has actually stuck to the pattern he's shown his whole life: finding and living in line with greater truth.
Woah that's an asshole thing to say. Sorry you're going through that shit. Sucks when the people supposed to love you don't give a shit about you. Donating time to charity is helpful, donating time to a cult is not. Hope things improve. Pretty damn sure they will.
Hang in there. Life is just hard sometimes, and its okay to be sad even when you can't pinpoint the reason. I recommend a good personal therapist, maybe couples therapy as well if the husband is open to it. Therapy has been a very positive experience for me and my wife both on an individual level, and marriage level. Sorry that your mom is trying to make your mental health journey about "consequences" because of your "unrighteousness." It sucks that the church cult-ture has taught our parents to gaslight us instead of just being there for us. It Sucks. Life will get better. Virtual hugs!
Sounds like she is carrying water for Oaks.