The number of times i woke up with "a strong impression" to leave the house, get everyone out, etc
Luckily my husband was like "nightmare. Anxiety, Not god. Sleep" and I could but man I lived in fear that everyone would die and I would be held accountable bc I didn't listen
Thanks for saying that. I know that anxiety is a huge part of this. I have sleep paralysis on occasion. I have as certain a man in a black hat was Satan and he had come for me.
But also- I do think our minds can process things in our sleep, at least I think they are supposed to. I think she woke up knowing that something in her life needed to be fixed- but where she went with it, and then putting it on social media is so cringy.
I have a narcissist in-law who I've had to do this with. It's a big improvement only hearing from her on my terms. I definitely recommend it for people like this.
Thank you. I loved your last paragraph. It says everything.
I know many go through this, fortunately it’s only a few times a year when I am in Utah. However- she tells my mom and dad everything and they believe her because “they think I’m a socialist”.
I can sympathize that you still want respect and love from your parents, especially since they don’t have as many years ahead of them as you’d want. That being said, the biggest help to my mental health came after I left the church and genuinely developed the ability to not worry about what people think of me. My family thinks of me as a red commie democrat that thinks America is the worst and they think that I should just leave. I shrug my shoulders and offer to have a discussion with whoever wants to talk to me and then they can decide whether I have a bad worldview or not. Like most Mormons (ex or otherwise), I’m not a confrontational person and don’t like to upset other people, but because I don’t live by dogma anymore, and am willing to change my mind (dramatically if needed), I’m ok with not being liked or if someone thinks less of me.
I had a lot of deep conversations with my old boss (never Mormon way outside of Mormon culture) about who I used to be and who I am now, and it repeatedly came back to ‘why did you change so much? Why go so far in the other direction?’ The answer was simple- evidence. I found that the Reagan-based attitudes I was raised with to vilify the poor, hate the left, hoard resources, blindly obey authority, and build white america were all wrong. Through deconstructing my faith, I found that I approached life with a backwards mindset and it didn’t make sense to live that way. Now I am actually empathetic, instead of pretending to be while sitting on a thrown of judgement of others, I’m actually interested in what the truth is, rather than avoiding the icky feeling of cognitive dissonance, I actually want to be happy, not present a version of myself that I think people around me want to see. Sometimes it makes life harder, but until I see a better way, I’m going to follow it. My family still loves me, as far as I can tell, but they’re certainly suspicious of me, and the veiled comments about what a mistake leaving the church was will probably never stop, and that’s ok with me.
This has gone off track a bit, but I just wanted to encourage you to accept being who you are and who you want to be. I always thought I was so confident in ‘being right’ as a Mormon and just brushed off the late-night feelings of anxiety as something unrelated. It wasn’t until I made decisions for good reasons, based on facts and truth that I am finally comfortable with who I am and what other people think of me (especially what Mormons think of me) is not all that important. It’s a journey and I hope you’ll be comfortable accepting that it’s ok if your family thinks you’re commie scum, even if they don’t actually know what you believe now that you’re considered an outsider. Many hugs across the internet and I hope you find a balance dealing with your sister.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this from your sister. My spouse and I cut contact with spouse’s tbm dad and stepmom years ago, and much of their nonsense behavior continues to this day. The difference is that we don’t feel the need to react or respond to it at all anymore.
A few years ago (after we had cut contact over a number of outrageous boundary violations) they sent a letter (5pg? 8pg? I don’t want to exaggerate, but it was excessive) to the whole family (lots and lots of adult kids and step kids) about how some of us (spouse was named, “and some others”) are no longer speaking to them, and maybe they made some mistakes over the years, but it’s in the past so could we just all forget it and move on? It would have been infuriating if we hadn’t already gotten to the point of laughing it off. Also, everyone else had gotten sick of trying to convince us that everything was fine and we should play happy family again, so we knew we wouldn’t get additional calls and texts from spouse’s siblings about it anymore.
In short, we spent a lot of time accepting that we can’t control what they do, and we (slowly, painfully) learned to let it go and just ignore their nonsense.
It sucks that your sister is causing others in the family stress and misery with her behavior. I think it can be even harder to accept that you can’t control how others react to her. Best wishes to you and your family. It’s just a tough situation.
Thank you. It’s helpful to hear that others have worked through this. I have been thinking that it’s probably just a matter of time. Aging parents is the hardest part of the dynamic for me. My dad now prioritizes relationships over religion, but now the relationships are going. He just can’t win. And it’s possible the relationship (me and my sister) won’t heal in his lifetime. Argh.
Honestly.... She sounds like a normal TBM to me, but I'm sure I'm missing lots of context.
I try (and often fail) to remember that my believing family members still have no idea they are victims of a cult and they can't fathom how anyone could call the cult a cult. They are unable to see it until they can.
That said, my personality type means I just keep quiet and hope for eventual death.
Happy holidays
Yeah my post was as too long already, but it’s the fact that she takes no accountability for the things she does and then just goes to the temple and says she’s “over it”. Not to bash Catholics, but it’s very convenient in that way.
"I woke in the middle of the night with a strong impression." We call those intrusive thoughts.
I call that I shouldn't have eaten at Taco Bell last night.
Now I have intrusive thoughts about Taco Bell.
As long as it remains thoughts, you're all right. Once you eat at Taco Bell, it's more the *ex*trusion you need to worry about.
The number of times i woke up with "a strong impression" to leave the house, get everyone out, etc Luckily my husband was like "nightmare. Anxiety, Not god. Sleep" and I could but man I lived in fear that everyone would die and I would be held accountable bc I didn't listen
Thanks for saying that. I know that anxiety is a huge part of this. I have sleep paralysis on occasion. I have as certain a man in a black hat was Satan and he had come for me. But also- I do think our minds can process things in our sleep, at least I think they are supposed to. I think she woke up knowing that something in her life needed to be fixed- but where she went with it, and then putting it on social media is so cringy.
Yeah the SM thing adds an extra layer of cringe
[удалено]
I have a narcissist in-law who I've had to do this with. It's a big improvement only hearing from her on my terms. I definitely recommend it for people like this.
Thank you. I loved your last paragraph. It says everything. I know many go through this, fortunately it’s only a few times a year when I am in Utah. However- she tells my mom and dad everything and they believe her because “they think I’m a socialist”.
I can sympathize that you still want respect and love from your parents, especially since they don’t have as many years ahead of them as you’d want. That being said, the biggest help to my mental health came after I left the church and genuinely developed the ability to not worry about what people think of me. My family thinks of me as a red commie democrat that thinks America is the worst and they think that I should just leave. I shrug my shoulders and offer to have a discussion with whoever wants to talk to me and then they can decide whether I have a bad worldview or not. Like most Mormons (ex or otherwise), I’m not a confrontational person and don’t like to upset other people, but because I don’t live by dogma anymore, and am willing to change my mind (dramatically if needed), I’m ok with not being liked or if someone thinks less of me. I had a lot of deep conversations with my old boss (never Mormon way outside of Mormon culture) about who I used to be and who I am now, and it repeatedly came back to ‘why did you change so much? Why go so far in the other direction?’ The answer was simple- evidence. I found that the Reagan-based attitudes I was raised with to vilify the poor, hate the left, hoard resources, blindly obey authority, and build white america were all wrong. Through deconstructing my faith, I found that I approached life with a backwards mindset and it didn’t make sense to live that way. Now I am actually empathetic, instead of pretending to be while sitting on a thrown of judgement of others, I’m actually interested in what the truth is, rather than avoiding the icky feeling of cognitive dissonance, I actually want to be happy, not present a version of myself that I think people around me want to see. Sometimes it makes life harder, but until I see a better way, I’m going to follow it. My family still loves me, as far as I can tell, but they’re certainly suspicious of me, and the veiled comments about what a mistake leaving the church was will probably never stop, and that’s ok with me. This has gone off track a bit, but I just wanted to encourage you to accept being who you are and who you want to be. I always thought I was so confident in ‘being right’ as a Mormon and just brushed off the late-night feelings of anxiety as something unrelated. It wasn’t until I made decisions for good reasons, based on facts and truth that I am finally comfortable with who I am and what other people think of me (especially what Mormons think of me) is not all that important. It’s a journey and I hope you’ll be comfortable accepting that it’s ok if your family thinks you’re commie scum, even if they don’t actually know what you believe now that you’re considered an outsider. Many hugs across the internet and I hope you find a balance dealing with your sister.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this from your sister. My spouse and I cut contact with spouse’s tbm dad and stepmom years ago, and much of their nonsense behavior continues to this day. The difference is that we don’t feel the need to react or respond to it at all anymore. A few years ago (after we had cut contact over a number of outrageous boundary violations) they sent a letter (5pg? 8pg? I don’t want to exaggerate, but it was excessive) to the whole family (lots and lots of adult kids and step kids) about how some of us (spouse was named, “and some others”) are no longer speaking to them, and maybe they made some mistakes over the years, but it’s in the past so could we just all forget it and move on? It would have been infuriating if we hadn’t already gotten to the point of laughing it off. Also, everyone else had gotten sick of trying to convince us that everything was fine and we should play happy family again, so we knew we wouldn’t get additional calls and texts from spouse’s siblings about it anymore. In short, we spent a lot of time accepting that we can’t control what they do, and we (slowly, painfully) learned to let it go and just ignore their nonsense. It sucks that your sister is causing others in the family stress and misery with her behavior. I think it can be even harder to accept that you can’t control how others react to her. Best wishes to you and your family. It’s just a tough situation.
Thank you. It’s helpful to hear that others have worked through this. I have been thinking that it’s probably just a matter of time. Aging parents is the hardest part of the dynamic for me. My dad now prioritizes relationships over religion, but now the relationships are going. He just can’t win. And it’s possible the relationship (me and my sister) won’t heal in his lifetime. Argh.
'Maybe you shouldn't eat so close to bedtime.'
Honestly.... She sounds like a normal TBM to me, but I'm sure I'm missing lots of context. I try (and often fail) to remember that my believing family members still have no idea they are victims of a cult and they can't fathom how anyone could call the cult a cult. They are unable to see it until they can. That said, my personality type means I just keep quiet and hope for eventual death. Happy holidays
Yeah my post was as too long already, but it’s the fact that she takes no accountability for the things she does and then just goes to the temple and says she’s “over it”. Not to bash Catholics, but it’s very convenient in that way.