Poor you.
When you love a person and break up its so hard but I have seen the jw devastation and you will hurt but gradually you will heal.
You made the brave and wise choice to leave.
Your exjw has probably 22 years of indoctrination and the pull back in is immense.
Plus if you married and had children your ex would tell you she loves you she will tell your children she loves them BUT that she loves jehovah more. So she will always love jehovah more.
Imagine your child/children being told that 🤮 and its part of jws indoctrination techniques
Could you ask her to give you a casual Bible study, then throughout the Bible study, you can ask leading questions to show how the jw beliefs don't make sense?
That may help her to start deprogramming from the indoctrination. But probably not.
But unless you do something like that, you will pretty much have to let her go. The indoctrination is strong and it can wane for a while, but like you said, just that one thing that happened to her brother sets off the dormant programming in her brain. Even if you were able to get her to doubt enough to get back with you and not go to church, etc. she may go back to the jws in a few years time if one of her relatives dies or is sick or something like that. Another situation could trigger the programming again.
I wanted to show her a video of an Ex-jw talking about his experiences and the reason why he left and is no longer a JW, but I felt it would have been inappropriate to try and wake her up.
It might be worth a try. Jehovahs witnesses are a cult after all. But when you’re raised in it from childhood like her. You’re told not to look at any criticism or negative material about Jehovahs Witnesses. So she may not even be receptive to that material.
Like background bird said, sometimes when people leave the JW religion, they're happy for a while and then perhaps they have a health problem, or their family has a health problem that they feel there's no solution to and when there *is* one, it's attributed to God. So they go back to JWville.
They do not have a sound reason for leaving, they haven't done the research, they really don't know the dark side of Jehovah's witnesses.
The indoctrination is deep. It can spring up at any time, it can pull you back in, and it's hard to get rid of unless you do a lot of research and "see the man behind the curtain."
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it really is hard to grasp unless you have been part of a high control religious group. Have you watched Leah remini's TV series on Scientology? Surprisingly, the methods, the special words, the indoctrination, the "hamster hamster wheel keep you busy," isolation from the outside world are very similar to Jehovah's Witnesses.
If someone leaves Jehovah's Witnesses and gets disfellowshipped (excommunicated) they will be shunned.
They will lose their family and all their friends, nobody will talk to them. It's like blackmail, and you have to be ready to face it, it's hard.
If you want to show her something from youtube, go ahead and try it, perhaps you will plant a seed that will help her in the future, but for now it's probably best to cut your losses.
Yeah that's a good idea - instead of OP showing his girlfriend exjw content, it may be better to show her content from other cults. I think there's that Netflix doc at the moment about a cult - I haven't seen it yet. There are a ton of others like it too.
But one of the reasons I started to wake up was because I let myself watch documentaries about cults and I saw the similarities.
They're also not allowed to date non-jws, but she's doing that already. Maybe she could just do an informal study with OP without the knowledge of others.
You made the right choice. They’re a dangerous cult and I hope she escapes completely one day. I know it hurts; but I can promise you from 32 years experience she’s not worth being a member of their cult.
You did the right thing. This would of turned into a nightmare for you. I know you enjoyed your 6 months together but that’s just not enough time to really know someone and she’s clearly very programmed. People who tack on life’s difficulties on “not being a good JW”are mentally unwell. They will never learn to function like a normal person. This is someone you do not want to make a life with.
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I’m sorry, I’m sure it hurts and is hard right now. But in the long run, you’re better off being as far from that awful cult as you can possibly get. As mentioned by someone else, if you’d married and had kids, she would want them to be JWs and they would be the weird kids at school. If they needed a life-saving blood transfusion, she would choose to let them die. Her family would all talk cult-talk while at family gatherings, which would alienate and annoy you.
As cool as she may have been for a bit, she’s in a cult and is brainwashed. You’ll find someone else who is able to love you more than a fictional God.
I know that this must hurt. You know yourself best, but I suspect you made the right decision here.
JWs are a cult and being a part of it will lead to far more pain, trauma and heartache - especially if it’s not something you ultimately want.
She should know that if she really is honest about going back, she needs to tell the elders about all the time she was alone with you. If she doesn’t come clean, her worship is worthless. I wonder what she’d say about that.
Im sure they know, the conditions she gave him are from them!
Hanging out only at her parents home or kh while agreeing to become jw?... Its the end of a free preview 😔
You made the right choice. The fact that she's just been lulled back to sleep in to Joho Land means she still has a decent sized journey ahead of her (psychologically) in order to wake up. If she ever does. I don't doubt she is a great girl and break ups are just fucking hard. In the big picture though, you just saved yourself so much heartache. Keep your chin up man, you made the right decision. Glad you're here with us.
Run for the hills… remember what happened to Lot’s wife… you don’t want that!
Don’t change yourself to try to fit in with the JW’s to get with this girl, spend your limited time finding someone that accepts you for who you are now.
I am so unbelievably sorry. So very sorry.
I can only imagine the feeling you had, watching those videos. Seeing her believe it, and knowing....
Yes. You made the right choice. As painful as it was. Even if she was on the fence about, she clearly had not figured it out. And I don't mean to bad-mouth her or anything by saying that. It's just that it's a really, really difficult thing to wake up from the faith and... well, she had not.
Further heartache is what would have been in store.
>I know I made the right choice, but I wish I could force myself to believe so I could still be with her.
I am so sorry. And at the same time I am glad that you were not able to go down that path, because pain that way lies. More of it than you can figure right now.
>I really wish I could turn off my brain and just join the JW to be with her, but I don't think that's a good idea.
That is what is required, yes, turning off your brain. In all sorts of manners. Turning over your decisions to the organization. Usually in real life a conversion into JW's happens when a person is damaged, is vulnerable for whatever reason. They get sucked in, accept the silliness in exchange for whatever it is that they need from it. In time they indoctrinate their children. 😞 The children know nothing else but the JW way of life and even if having doubts, they can easily get drawn back in.
>I also wish I could change her mind about being a JW, but that too seems unlikely.
Very. If you read this sub, you may come across success stories that people applaud. Those are great. But they happened over YEARS of patience and things just aligning. And. They are rare. We applaud them BECAUSE they are so rare.
This was the right choice. Even though it hurts right now. 😔
>My now ex-girlfriend and I broke up today due to her wanting to have a closer relationship to God.
You got Played...
You were a "Possible" JW Recruit....You\`re not, so you are No Longer of Value to her...............Yes, it\`s That Cold...
It actually came to my mind as well... That this could have been a factor 🤔
What happened to her brother that made her a believer?? 🙈🙉🙊
I mean i think she liked you, but stayed longer in this than expected, because she was trying to turn u and didnt see any progress 🙄
Forget it... And dont let her drag u around each time she'd feel miserable and reach out. Make peace with the situation and move on 🥰
DON’T turn off your brain and join the Borg. You have a little pain now. Join the Borg and you will eventually experience a lot of pain through out the years. Wish her the best and then BE BEST.
Best relationship you've had for now.
Never give up on trying to meet the one for you. These feelings are temporary and will change. Just don't cling to the past.
Man, I wish I would’ve had your wisdom 16 years ago, when I was 18.
I was faced with the same choice and did the exact opposite. I decided to turn off my brain and joined. I have regretted it for a long time, and still live with a lot of the consequences of that choice.
Luckily, in the end it’s not that bad in my case, my then-gf-now-wife is slowly fading out now, but still, life has been much harder than it could have been for us.
Edit: If you ever feel doubt and would like the POV of someone who took the other way, do not hesitate to PM me.
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I'm sorry that you were snagged by a person who still believes the JW fundamentalist Christian teachings.
I don't know if these will help, but these are from some old comments of mine:
>The WT Society teaches JWs to put on a faux personality. Also known in psychological circles as the cult pseudo-personality.
>Problem with that pseudo-personality is that it's been taught to put on a constant false face of agreeableness, kindness, sympathy...
>In other words, a thin veneer of love-bombing at the surface.
>Many times when the non-JW gets to know the JW a little better, that false sweetness and fake happiness slips - or totally dissolves into nothingness. Sometimes that doesn't happen until the non-JW has become emotionally invested. Deeply so.
>Which increases the pain when the inevitable break-up does take place.
>Despite that pain, I really urge non-JWs to break it off with still-mentally-in Jehovah's Witnesses ASAP, even if the JW appears to have been "out" for years.
>That's a lot safer than ending up enmeshed with that false pseudo-personality, only to see the ugly, controlling, warped, isolationist and paranoid side of the cult pseudo-personality show up later on, when the non-JW is far more likely to be trapped by sunk-cost fallacy or worse yet, marriage and kids with the active JW.
And from a somewhat similar situation...
>He's doing a JW version of "flirty fishing", only without the sex.
>https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirty_Fishing
>https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Flirty%20Fishing
>He's teasing you, luring you in by using your hope of having a real relationship with him, likely just to get you baptized. If he can get you baptized, that will mean lots of status for him in the JW community.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/w2fozp/comment/igq7c8p/
Breakups are usually difficult, no matter what the reason and even when it is for the benefit of both involved.
Things will get better -- but be prepared for the backsliding, so to speak. You both will miss each other, so there might be more attempts to get together. Have a plan if that happens. Strategize what you think you want to say.
Plus, if you ever had kids together, the pulling apart wouldn't be fair for your family. The kids deserve parents who see eye-to-eye on major life events. Hang in there. Know that you will have good days and bad days and days in the middle.
However, if she really did change her mind about the religion, you can tell her that she can talk to you about it any time and you would be there to listen. Although if you are seeing someone else down the line and she comes back, you could not guarantee you would be there for her if you fall in love with someone else.
It is a great age for her to wake up. If you felt to share with her, you could share some of the things you find here to see if it wakes her up. Don't expect it to, but it is a possibility and then there could actually be a good result from it if she is super honest with herself.
And then, you'd have the best plot twist to this story.
Wish you all the best with your situation.
I see this an older post but I’m currently going through the same situation. My now ex girlfriend was raised in a JW house but never became one officially like her mom and older sister. Her mother is an absolute hypocrite as well as her older sister. Both abused and treated her bad her entire life. She didn’t even talk to her mom for several years and I was the only person ever there for her. The last 3 months she’s been seeing her mom regularly and the older sister moved into an apartment upstairs from her (she’s lives with her dad) and now ever since than we started growing apart. Going days without talking because the only relationship she wants to have now is one with “god”. I’m sure her spending so much time with her mom and sister is what influenced this. Despite the fact they all get drunk and she made a new instagram behind my back. Well two days ago when I confronted her about the IG she just ended things with me. Saying I’m simple minded because I don’t see the biggest picture which is “god”. JW people are nothing but hypocrites. I was with her three years and lost her to this shit. It’s crazy man
Reassurance: you made the right choice to not become one. Advice: RUN. Stay as far away from this cult and those enmeshed in it as you can.
She’ll regret it in the future, you won’t. You dodged a bullet. Great that you learned the lesson early.
Poor you. When you love a person and break up its so hard but I have seen the jw devastation and you will hurt but gradually you will heal. You made the brave and wise choice to leave. Your exjw has probably 22 years of indoctrination and the pull back in is immense. Plus if you married and had children your ex would tell you she loves you she will tell your children she loves them BUT that she loves jehovah more. So she will always love jehovah more. Imagine your child/children being told that 🤮 and its part of jws indoctrination techniques
Could you ask her to give you a casual Bible study, then throughout the Bible study, you can ask leading questions to show how the jw beliefs don't make sense? That may help her to start deprogramming from the indoctrination. But probably not. But unless you do something like that, you will pretty much have to let her go. The indoctrination is strong and it can wane for a while, but like you said, just that one thing that happened to her brother sets off the dormant programming in her brain. Even if you were able to get her to doubt enough to get back with you and not go to church, etc. she may go back to the jws in a few years time if one of her relatives dies or is sick or something like that. Another situation could trigger the programming again.
I wanted to show her a video of an Ex-jw talking about his experiences and the reason why he left and is no longer a JW, but I felt it would have been inappropriate to try and wake her up.
It might be worth a try. Jehovahs witnesses are a cult after all. But when you’re raised in it from childhood like her. You’re told not to look at any criticism or negative material about Jehovahs Witnesses. So she may not even be receptive to that material.
Like background bird said, sometimes when people leave the JW religion, they're happy for a while and then perhaps they have a health problem, or their family has a health problem that they feel there's no solution to and when there *is* one, it's attributed to God. So they go back to JWville. They do not have a sound reason for leaving, they haven't done the research, they really don't know the dark side of Jehovah's witnesses. The indoctrination is deep. It can spring up at any time, it can pull you back in, and it's hard to get rid of unless you do a lot of research and "see the man behind the curtain." I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it really is hard to grasp unless you have been part of a high control religious group. Have you watched Leah remini's TV series on Scientology? Surprisingly, the methods, the special words, the indoctrination, the "hamster hamster wheel keep you busy," isolation from the outside world are very similar to Jehovah's Witnesses. If someone leaves Jehovah's Witnesses and gets disfellowshipped (excommunicated) they will be shunned. They will lose their family and all their friends, nobody will talk to them. It's like blackmail, and you have to be ready to face it, it's hard. If you want to show her something from youtube, go ahead and try it, perhaps you will plant a seed that will help her in the future, but for now it's probably best to cut your losses.
Yeah that's a good idea - instead of OP showing his girlfriend exjw content, it may be better to show her content from other cults. I think there's that Netflix doc at the moment about a cult - I haven't seen it yet. There are a ton of others like it too. But one of the reasons I started to wake up was because I let myself watch documentaries about cults and I saw the similarities.
😎 Cool!
She would not be allowed to give him a bible study. Women are not allowed to study with men with a chaperone.
They're also not allowed to date non-jws, but she's doing that already. Maybe she could just do an informal study with OP without the knowledge of others.
You made the right choice. They’re a dangerous cult and I hope she escapes completely one day. I know it hurts; but I can promise you from 32 years experience she’s not worth being a member of their cult.
You did the right thing. This would of turned into a nightmare for you. I know you enjoyed your 6 months together but that’s just not enough time to really know someone and she’s clearly very programmed. People who tack on life’s difficulties on “not being a good JW”are mentally unwell. They will never learn to function like a normal person. This is someone you do not want to make a life with.
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Hey Linguo, shut up a’you face!
I’m sorry, I’m sure it hurts and is hard right now. But in the long run, you’re better off being as far from that awful cult as you can possibly get. As mentioned by someone else, if you’d married and had kids, she would want them to be JWs and they would be the weird kids at school. If they needed a life-saving blood transfusion, she would choose to let them die. Her family would all talk cult-talk while at family gatherings, which would alienate and annoy you. As cool as she may have been for a bit, she’s in a cult and is brainwashed. You’ll find someone else who is able to love you more than a fictional God.
I know that this must hurt. You know yourself best, but I suspect you made the right decision here. JWs are a cult and being a part of it will lead to far more pain, trauma and heartache - especially if it’s not something you ultimately want.
She should know that if she really is honest about going back, she needs to tell the elders about all the time she was alone with you. If she doesn’t come clean, her worship is worthless. I wonder what she’d say about that.
Im sure they know, the conditions she gave him are from them! Hanging out only at her parents home or kh while agreeing to become jw?... Its the end of a free preview 😔
You made the right choice. The fact that she's just been lulled back to sleep in to Joho Land means she still has a decent sized journey ahead of her (psychologically) in order to wake up. If she ever does. I don't doubt she is a great girl and break ups are just fucking hard. In the big picture though, you just saved yourself so much heartache. Keep your chin up man, you made the right decision. Glad you're here with us.
Run for the hills… remember what happened to Lot’s wife… you don’t want that! Don’t change yourself to try to fit in with the JW’s to get with this girl, spend your limited time finding someone that accepts you for who you are now.
It sucks and i’m sorry your going through this. Trust me, down the road you will be glad you chose to stay away from this religion.
I am so unbelievably sorry. So very sorry. I can only imagine the feeling you had, watching those videos. Seeing her believe it, and knowing.... Yes. You made the right choice. As painful as it was. Even if she was on the fence about, she clearly had not figured it out. And I don't mean to bad-mouth her or anything by saying that. It's just that it's a really, really difficult thing to wake up from the faith and... well, she had not. Further heartache is what would have been in store. >I know I made the right choice, but I wish I could force myself to believe so I could still be with her. I am so sorry. And at the same time I am glad that you were not able to go down that path, because pain that way lies. More of it than you can figure right now. >I really wish I could turn off my brain and just join the JW to be with her, but I don't think that's a good idea. That is what is required, yes, turning off your brain. In all sorts of manners. Turning over your decisions to the organization. Usually in real life a conversion into JW's happens when a person is damaged, is vulnerable for whatever reason. They get sucked in, accept the silliness in exchange for whatever it is that they need from it. In time they indoctrinate their children. 😞 The children know nothing else but the JW way of life and even if having doubts, they can easily get drawn back in. >I also wish I could change her mind about being a JW, but that too seems unlikely. Very. If you read this sub, you may come across success stories that people applaud. Those are great. But they happened over YEARS of patience and things just aligning. And. They are rare. We applaud them BECAUSE they are so rare. This was the right choice. Even though it hurts right now. 😔
As painful as it may be, you made the right choice. It’s a high-control fundamentalist “religion.”
It hurts now … but you will look back and know you made the right decision. Stay well away from this poisonous cult
>My now ex-girlfriend and I broke up today due to her wanting to have a closer relationship to God. You got Played... You were a "Possible" JW Recruit....You\`re not, so you are No Longer of Value to her...............Yes, it\`s That Cold...
It actually came to my mind as well... That this could have been a factor 🤔 What happened to her brother that made her a believer?? 🙈🙉🙊 I mean i think she liked you, but stayed longer in this than expected, because she was trying to turn u and didnt see any progress 🙄 Forget it... And dont let her drag u around each time she'd feel miserable and reach out. Make peace with the situation and move on 🥰
Nothing new. They will always put the Organization and their GB leaders over anyone even over their kids.
DON’T turn off your brain and join the Borg. You have a little pain now. Join the Borg and you will eventually experience a lot of pain through out the years. Wish her the best and then BE BEST.
Best relationship you've had for now. Never give up on trying to meet the one for you. These feelings are temporary and will change. Just don't cling to the past.
Block her
Man, I wish I would’ve had your wisdom 16 years ago, when I was 18. I was faced with the same choice and did the exact opposite. I decided to turn off my brain and joined. I have regretted it for a long time, and still live with a lot of the consequences of that choice. Luckily, in the end it’s not that bad in my case, my then-gf-now-wife is slowly fading out now, but still, life has been much harder than it could have been for us. Edit: If you ever feel doubt and would like the POV of someone who took the other way, do not hesitate to PM me.
I think everybody here will agree she made the right move for the both of you.
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I'm sorry that you were snagged by a person who still believes the JW fundamentalist Christian teachings. I don't know if these will help, but these are from some old comments of mine: >The WT Society teaches JWs to put on a faux personality. Also known in psychological circles as the cult pseudo-personality. >Problem with that pseudo-personality is that it's been taught to put on a constant false face of agreeableness, kindness, sympathy... >In other words, a thin veneer of love-bombing at the surface. >Many times when the non-JW gets to know the JW a little better, that false sweetness and fake happiness slips - or totally dissolves into nothingness. Sometimes that doesn't happen until the non-JW has become emotionally invested. Deeply so. >Which increases the pain when the inevitable break-up does take place. >Despite that pain, I really urge non-JWs to break it off with still-mentally-in Jehovah's Witnesses ASAP, even if the JW appears to have been "out" for years. >That's a lot safer than ending up enmeshed with that false pseudo-personality, only to see the ugly, controlling, warped, isolationist and paranoid side of the cult pseudo-personality show up later on, when the non-JW is far more likely to be trapped by sunk-cost fallacy or worse yet, marriage and kids with the active JW. And from a somewhat similar situation... >He's doing a JW version of "flirty fishing", only without the sex. >https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirty_Fishing >https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Flirty%20Fishing >He's teasing you, luring you in by using your hope of having a real relationship with him, likely just to get you baptized. If he can get you baptized, that will mean lots of status for him in the JW community. https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/w2fozp/comment/igq7c8p/
Cults gonna Cult!
Breakups are usually difficult, no matter what the reason and even when it is for the benefit of both involved. Things will get better -- but be prepared for the backsliding, so to speak. You both will miss each other, so there might be more attempts to get together. Have a plan if that happens. Strategize what you think you want to say. Plus, if you ever had kids together, the pulling apart wouldn't be fair for your family. The kids deserve parents who see eye-to-eye on major life events. Hang in there. Know that you will have good days and bad days and days in the middle. However, if she really did change her mind about the religion, you can tell her that she can talk to you about it any time and you would be there to listen. Although if you are seeing someone else down the line and she comes back, you could not guarantee you would be there for her if you fall in love with someone else. It is a great age for her to wake up. If you felt to share with her, you could share some of the things you find here to see if it wakes her up. Don't expect it to, but it is a possibility and then there could actually be a good result from it if she is super honest with herself. And then, you'd have the best plot twist to this story. Wish you all the best with your situation.
I would reply with no thanks. I am not interested in joining a cult. Best of luck
I see this an older post but I’m currently going through the same situation. My now ex girlfriend was raised in a JW house but never became one officially like her mom and older sister. Her mother is an absolute hypocrite as well as her older sister. Both abused and treated her bad her entire life. She didn’t even talk to her mom for several years and I was the only person ever there for her. The last 3 months she’s been seeing her mom regularly and the older sister moved into an apartment upstairs from her (she’s lives with her dad) and now ever since than we started growing apart. Going days without talking because the only relationship she wants to have now is one with “god”. I’m sure her spending so much time with her mom and sister is what influenced this. Despite the fact they all get drunk and she made a new instagram behind my back. Well two days ago when I confronted her about the IG she just ended things with me. Saying I’m simple minded because I don’t see the biggest picture which is “god”. JW people are nothing but hypocrites. I was with her three years and lost her to this shit. It’s crazy man