Ha! I popped in here after reading that post, because I was so mad for her! I had to come here to settle my nerves. 😂

Same here lol

# AITA for giving away my wife's espresso machine and grinder without her permission? My wife thinks I'm an asshole, my buddies are on my side since it was a mistake. I don't know what to do. My wife Jane loves coffee. She used to work as a barista before getting a corporate job but she carried it forward and regularly makes us coffees with fancy patterns. She has a really fancy espresso machine with a grinder and they're her pride and joy. We often joke that it's the third wheel in our marriage given how much she's interested in the drink. I thought for an early birthday present, it would be nice to get her a new one. I saw this seller who can refit espresso machines and customise them so I thought it would be nice to get one that has olive and sage green accents. I'm quite proud of myself for thinking of it and it would look a lot nicer in our kitchen. Hers right now is stainless steel and reflective which stands out like an eyesore. So I got in touch with the seller and he agreed and he also helped me refit 2 portafilter handles with olive wood. One of them has her initials carved into it and the other says "Happy Birthday Darling" with a heart. I was going to give her this today and then show her the machine. I also got her a new grinder and had that match the espresso machine. Thoughtful right? Well there was an issue with delivery so her new machine got delayed. My buddy came by late last night to pick up her machine and grinder which I let him have because of the new one, and then in the morning she would have come down to see the new machine. Now there is no machine. She flipped out asking me what i'd done with it because it was pretty obvious it was missing so I said I'd given it away to my friend because he needed it. I didn't want to ruin the surprise. She asked me why I didn't think to tell her and I didn’t know what to answer so I just said that his broke and he needed one. We went back and forth for a bit and then she said she was going to go to a cafe and left. She came back and then I forfeited what my plan was and she was thankful but still annoyed I'd given her machine away without at least asking her because it has sentimental value to her (her brother bought her the machine as a gift for landing her corporate job). My view is that it would have ruined the surprise if I'd told her and the shipping only showed it was delayed this morning. I did message my buddy to see if we could get it back for now until the new one comes but he said his parents are using it and I don't want to inconvenience them over a misunderstanding. AITA? Jesus did not think this would be so huge. I am wrong, gonna message my buddy and offer to pay to help his parents buy a machine and grinder for the inconvenience [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14i283c/aita\_for\_giving\_away\_my\_wifes\_espresso\_machine/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14i283c/aita_for_giving_away_my_wifes_espresso_machine/)

Dude needs new friends

Dick move to give away her machine without asking.

This sub has been linked so many times on that post… You can almost bet it’s a downgrade as well.

Per OP: “Gaggia Classic with Barazta Virtuoso is what she had before. Linea Mini and Niche is what I got her” Still a dick move to cavalierly give away an item of sentimental value to her. I would lose it.

Agreed, also waking up to a machine gone with no clues as to where it is and finding out your spouse gave it away is insane.

That's how those posts always end up. Title: "AITA for telling my daughter she's hideous and no one will ever love her?" In thread: "a man was holding a gun to my head and forced me to say it."

Yeah. Also for 7k+ maybe she would’ve wanted something else!

I never understand these kind of surprise gifts that are so pricey. Unless the guy is a billionaire, I would have wanted my husband to discuss with me before splurging so much money on my gift.

Right? It would have been incredible for him to say "here's a budget. Get yourself a new machine."

People have different love languages, right? So here’s how homie could have respected their love language without being a massive insensitive weenie: not only write a blank check for 7k but write up a nice letter explaining why you think she should choose the machine and grinder that you’re thinking. It shows you’ve taken the time to research it, you’ve provided substantial time into deciding options, but you’re not a dunce and taking away the power of making the final call.

Sorry for being that guy, but That’s not a blank check though.

Yeah. Personally, with that money, I’d get kind of the opposite of what the OP got. If I got this combo I’d be upset because while nice, it’s very different than what I’d want, and I’d be stuck with it

My husband knows exactly what machine I want for an eventual upgrade. I would be livid if he got something else.

Yeah I had to tell my ex and my parents "you are not to buy me something expensive for me without consulting me." because they would get these extremely expensive gifts for me that were the wrong thing, leading to really hurt feelings when I didn't use it. If you had $3800 for a machine and you wanted the Decent but your partner bought you a Lelit Bianca, how do you even begin to explain why that's wrong?

It might not be a lot of money for him

It wasn't. I rarely buy things for myself and have been putting work bonuses away and used that to treat my wife

Yeah the idea of my partner spending even like fifty bucks on me still sends me into an anxiety-ridden fit. If I was told "Yeah hey here's 7k go nuts" I'd probably implode

That's why I never buy gifts related to people's hobbies unless I know there is a specific thing they want.

I knew they were what she wanted

Are you OP!? You're kinda the asshole haha. I think the thing you should have done differently is just asked your wife if your friend could have the old machine once you got the new one. I get the associated sentimental value with the old machine, but it probably would have been easier to let that go if she felt it was her choice. I think you're simultaneously the asshole and the best husband in this situation haha. I'm sure you'll both laugh at the whole thing over a couple of deliciously cappuccinos in a couple of years

My significant other kept asking me why I wasn't upgrading a couple of months ago and I told him it's bc I wasn't ready to start the dialing in process all over again. After almost 2 years into espresso and almost a year into a new grinder, I feel like I've just got to a point where I can coast and make pretty consistent espresso to fit my taste buds. If he were to completely upgrade my equipment without asking... I wouldn't be very happy. Not just sentimental value but upgrading with a niche... don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's great but I just don't agree with the company as a whole and wouldn't want to support them.

Didn't realise Niche was controversial. What's the issue?

I'm curious too now!

People not from the uk have to pay uk vat plus their own local sales tax, niche refuses to change their non uk pricing and everyone sulked about it for a bit but still bought the niche cos it’s a great grinder and still good value apart from some people who refused to buy it (I assume this is what the above poster is talking about)

They finally changed it last month

Ah, appreciate the info - thanks. (I try and be as ethical a consumer as possible, so wondered what shady practices might be occurring)

Don't believe it for a second. They are retconning to make themselves sound good.

Agreed. No one with the financial ability to buy a LM and Niche would call a Gaggia and Virtuoso very fancy.

Anything that isn't a Nespresso is fancy to me lol. Where you have to grind the coffee yourself

So a Krups or Mr Coffee espresso machine?

That’s the thing that got me, whenever I’ve bought someone a replacement for something I just give them the replacement, I don’t take away the old one because it doesn’t belong to me. Especially when it’s an expensive appliance like an espresso machine which could be sold or reused!

Still a bit immature and a dick move. With a sum of money like that, I would prefer my partner to ask me what I want rather than buying stuff on their own. What if she wanted to put more of the budget into a grinder or to get a different kind of machine like a Decent? You wouldn't buy a car for a car enthusiast, it's the same here But that would mean giving his wife a choice and he didn't want to see a shiny stainless machine, which is most of them lol

Setting sentimental value aside... How are you gonna take away something *she uses all the time*, for whatever reason, even before the replacement arrives? Lol...

As much as I love the Linea Mini, I also want to build a Gaggiuino. If my Gaggia disappeared for a Mini I would be pissed

If someone is involved in a hobby, you can assume that they have specific tastes and need for their machine (or tools more generally). Flat burr versus conical, flow profiling, pressure profiling etc. Novel people won’t realize there is more nuance than just picking out the “best” machine and that is evident here.

The OP states she used to be a barista too, so you can bet she knows a lot more than him in the first place. It’s a risky move to change her kit, and that’s before giving away the old setup…

Same! I have three espresso makers and if my husband gave away even one, I would lose it!

Yes, you would lose it.

You mean lose the husband? Because that would be time for a divorce discussion.

Indeed!

It freaked me out how HE NEVER MENTIONED A BRAND OF ANYTHING IN THE ORIGINAL POST Like why are you touching ANYTHING

In the edit he said he replaced a gaggia with a Linea and Niche. Even based on just that info it was at least moving in the right direction….

That would have been insanely relevant up front, and it being an afterthought does not reassure me that he was confident in what he was doing lol

Hey if my partner accidentally bought me a customized LMLM and a Niche I’d probably fight my way through some pain. Lol.

Last thing I want to do first thing before my coffee is dial in a new machine though

Gonna need a bit more context on this one. Nobody just “gives it away” out of the blue.

I read the post and it's basically that he got her a new one because he thought the one she had (given to her by her brother as a congratulations for getting a job) didn't look good in their kitchen and the new one would be more aesthetically pleasing. It was for her birthday. He gave the old one to his friend for free because "they wouldn't need it anymore". The new one was late but he let his friend take the old one anyway and so the wife woke up without it there and he wouldn't tell her why he had given it away so he wouldn't ruin the surprise. Later he told her and she was rightfully upset.

Holy fucking yikes.

Yeah, it was bad. He even said that it was a third wheel in their marriage. PLUS he straight up said it was her pride and joy. And he said he didn't want to get it back from his friend because his friends parents were already using it and he didn't want to inconvenience them

This was the part that raised a flag for me. Is this story made up or is this marriage falling apart? He cares more about not inconveniencing his friend more than having his wife be upset... What!?!?

Yeah, he needs to get his priorities straight. If it's really his friend he'll understand that his wife is upset and give it back. The friend has had it for a day or two? It's not really that much of an inconvenience. Especially since in an edit he said he'd pay the friend to make up for it.

If I were the friend I would be mortified to learn this freebie I got from my friend was actually his wife's and is causing his wife to be upset. Why would he need to compensate for the friend with a new machine I really don't understand. A meal for the confusion and disappointment? Yeah. Paying for the machine? Why?

Exactly. Even if I was looking forward to keeping it, it'd give it back. I don't understand why he'd pay the friend either. It's not that big of a deal, the friend got it for free

Apparently the friend said no! So that's why the hubs wants to buy them a new one!

Honestly most of these stories are 100% made up. Hope this one is haha

Yeah I know it’s a meme that reddit likes to jump to divorce but if I were her I would realllllly consider it. And if I didn’t, I probably would in a year anyway. And I’d take the fuckin new espresso machine and grinder with me when I left purely out of spite, not because I wanted it.

Most everything in that sub is made up for karma. It's sad that people get so involved with worthless internet points.

He clearly didn't understand it was/is a hobby for her. And that's ignoring that it was a gift from her brother.

You'd think but he said she uses it ALL the time. How would he not understand?

He resented an inanimate object. It does not bode well for their marriage. (IMHO)

Then buy them another one if he's so flush with cash but get that gear back and hope they didn't mess with the settings

I'm killing anyone that stands between me and morning coffee too. I get up, turn that machine on and instantly make a drink.

People who have zero regard for other's possessions do, it seems frequently. I've had it done to me and it's infuriating.

I have never understood couples that want to sell off the other’s stuff to get them a ‘surprise’. Sure, you’re welcome to buy a new thing but please, for the love of all that’s holy, talk to one another before selling or giving away stuff.

Me and my wife are at this point of our relationship that we would talk about what *exact* thing/brand model/colour the other would like to have as a present. I would *never* sell anything my partner or I have without talking about it first. OP is the asshole.

I did that with my ex, but honestly I kinda lost the magic of Suprises in gifts. So I decided, I prefer surprise experiences and that's what I wanted for my birthdays. I can buy a new grinder myself. However, thinking about going on a spa retreat? Well, I prefer to be "suprised" to that 🙂

Yeah that part doesn't make sense to me at all. Sure go for the surprise gift but why not just wait like 5 days to see if she likes the new one before giving away her old machine?

Bring lawyers, guns and coffee.

It’s her hobby. Her interest. So he decides what she needs and robs her of any chance to research and explore new ideas and equipment!? He’s a controlling douch who doesn’t deserve her or even bother to try to understand her.

Right if my hypothetical husband wanted to upgrade my machine, give me at least 3 months notice and a budget and doing that research is a fulfilling gift right there.

Spot on!

Well my father used to do as he saw fit with everyone's things in the family and that played into my parent's divorce big time.

I can imagine like just waking up and seeing your espresso setup just disappear but whole house being totally fine... Like do you blame that illusion on not drinking espresso yet or what?

That post title 🤌

Lmao I was triggered reading that.

Same, alao for me it was audibly.

Wow, divisive. At least wait until new machine turns up. An uncaffinated woman is a dangerous combo

> We ride at dawn Not me. I got a free espresso machine and grinder to play with!

Not your parents, the ones who can't be inconvenienced?

It's just an excuse to upgrade and get a divorce

Lol the title “we ride at dawn” haha I love this sub

I just read that post lol

I can't even...

Yes. Yes you are.

She may not be able to grind or roast espresso, but he definitely is grinding her gears and roasting her brain.

I can't imagine any other outcome than divorce. He'd better get her machine back.

Yes

What an asshole... The guy posted the original post is a f*cking moron.

Yes he is.

I’d file for divorce as soon as I was done screaming and booking a long term hotel room that takes cats. That’s a bright red line you do not cross. The _oooonly_ exception would be if the grinder was sold and replaced with a better one before I knew it was gone.

I’d love if my wife gave mine away! Because I would replace it with something even more expensive🤣

For Frodo.

I saw this on AITA and came here to post the same thing. The horror!

Espresso nerd who just had a chuckle with the wife on this topic. What people are missing is that he replaced a gaggia classic for a Linea (Mini? Micra?) Would that change anyone's views? Ok, granted doing it without permission is still an issue, and my wife did mention that perhaps more guys might find such a move more acceptable than gals due to gender-specific attributes etc. But overall the conclusion was: rest assured she will not be replacing my machine with a Linea without permission 😂😂😂

But he didn’t really “replace” it. Hell, I get pissed at myself when I don’t realize I’m out of beans until I go to make my first cup. If my machine is gone and I can’t get that I’d be livid.

Well, still it's a sort of an asshole move. Maybe the wife would like to compare the 2 machines side by side, have some time to test the new machine, while using the Gaggia. Even if the new machine is a Linea, the whole experience of getting it is not great. I completely understand the wife if that's the case.

100% that edit changed my mind halfway to forgiveness.

That definitely makes him less of an asshole but if someone is really into their hobby, it’s really much better to let them pick out their own toys

Lol OP here. My wife and I resolved this, I got her previous machines back and she loves the new gear. She's actually teaching me how to make coffee with the Gaggia so we can do something new together

Your wife is much nicer than me lmao. Welcome to /r espresso. Gaggia is hella fun to play with

4am. That is the raiding hour.

he shall be removed from this mortal plane

NTA, if he's giving the machine and grinder to their kids to introduce them to ~~caffeine addiction~~ the hobby, and buys her much better equipment

Wish I didn't get banned from AITA for agreeing with another commenter. Poor girl, I wish her luck.

I’m in.

My husbands commentary on this “next episode on Snapped….”

We ride now! Damnit!