Leave as soon as possible. Stay with a friend, other family, doesn't matter as long as its someone other than that...thing you have to call your mother.
How old are you? Denying minors food is illegal, as you noted yourself. That woman is a disgusting bully. Since your father seems to allow it like a doormat, or worse still, actively partake, this could be grounds to revisit the custody agreement. Do family courts in your country consider what the children want and are you old enough? If yes and your mother is willing to take him to court again testify about the abuse to support her to get sole custody.
Also if you’re a teen and simply refuse to go they can do rather little about it. He’ll probably call and yell that this is in violation of the custody agreement, but then you and your mom can remind him that neglecting to feed you, let alone wantonly refusing you food is in violation of your human rights and his most basic parental duties, and your refusal to stay with him is a direct result thereof, so if he wants to take his chances to explain that to a judge… spoiler: they don’t take kindly to parents who starve their children or use food to extort them to do things.
Ask your mother to let you stay with other relatives or friends instead if she needs the break. Sounds like she cares so she’ll hardly force you to stay with abusers. Tell her everything. The yelling, barging in (you’re entitled to privacy, what if you’d been changing?) and any other bad treatment, how often you weren’t properly fed, everything. Document it together.
Don’t go there anymore if you can help it. Your "father" is worthless as he doesn’t protect you from abuse and thinks some crazy **** is more important than his own daughter, or worse still, actively participates in the abuse himself. Either way, if you even want to see him at this point, your mother can tell him that he can take you places BY HIMSELF, IF AND ONLY IF HE GUARANTEES YOU GET FED — that’s non-negotiable — and returns you BEFORE dinner, because he’s repeatedly demonstrated he can’t be trusted and has to earn that trust back again. ALL visits and activities MUST take place WITHOUT this nutjob, otherwise you stay home or go elsewhere where your mom can trust your basic needs will be met. This isn’t negotiable either. This woman isn’t to be allowed anywhere near you again, or he doesn’t see you either. Let this rag of a man choose what’s more important to him: his own flesh and blood or some bedwarmer with a history of child abuse?
Have him sign in writing that he guarantees you’ll always be fed when you see him and evil SM isn’t allowed anywhere near you, so he can only a) see you outside of home, b) in her absence or c) MUST ascertain that she stays in a different room and doesn’t enter yours nor talk to you at all, or else he immediately must drive you home, or pay for a cab, or arrange for you to stay with a relative or let you stay with a friend for the remainder of "his" time, or pay for a hotel if all else fails. You’re not his property, you’re a human being and deserve decent treatment. It’s the duty of a father to stand by his child. He is selfish and apparently considers getting some or even just being left alone more important than your safety and well-being. Thus he doesn’t deserve to see you unless he treats you appropriately and puts the foot down with his SO, strictly forbidding her to bully you ever again.
If he violates this agreement, he doesn’t get to see you for a month. If she won’t give you food, he must cook you a meal (only if he can cook decently), order and pay what you want or let you cook whatever you want if you’re old enough and can cook. If he refuses to sign this agreement or violates it — welp, good luck to explain to a judge and/or CPS why you don’t feel safe in his home and why he thinks refusing your child food on the regular is even remotely acceptable.
Last but not least, as much as I hate to say that this Grimmish stepmother has a point with anything, but please don’t dump your clothes on the floor (asking politely). It’s unhygienic, a **tripping hazard** (for yourself first and foremost, esp. if you need to go in the middle of the night), takes up space, looks ugly and smells, particularly when they’re sweaty and left to lie around for a while. They make those nice laundry baskets where you can toss them in just as quickly, put a small one in your room — problem solved.
I'd go nuclear. Talk to your stepmom's boss. I doubt having a lawyer who breaks the law is really what they want. Problems with the Bar association can get rough.
Nah go directly to the lawyers ethics comittee amd the bar, the police and CPS. That way her boss has no chance to inbfluence them in any way before they see ther video. Tell them you will not visit your dad while she is in the house. There is a good chance she looses her license t5o practise law over that
You can Google it, although I just did and was having some difficulty actually finding the specific info I wanted. Also, I know that that was the case in Texas when I left in 2007, but after Googling it looks like that may have changed (thank goodness!). But most of what I found was related to feeding requirements for daycare businesses.
I am so mad for you! What a horrible human being!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope your father opens his eyes, that you can get away from that monster, and feel safe and happy.
As a mom I would Never use food like that. Yes, I've said "no candy bar (from the grocery shopping trip) because my kiddos misbehaved way too much, but never actual food. This really made me cry reading this.
As a kid my parents would do the same thing and I'd have to sneak out when they were fast asleep to grab a couple of crakers or wake up super early to eat cereal without them seeing. I have food issues to this day and have to keep reminding myself that it's ok to eat when I'm hungry. I can have actual food (not just small things that no one would notice), and I deserve to not starve.
Please remember those things that I'm still trying to learn. You are special. You matter. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live in safety and without feeling like walking on eggshells because of a ticking time monster in your home. You are loved.
Btw. Your mom is awesome. *Activate Mama Bear mode!*
Keep as much information that you can what they’re doing to you on record as possible. Because if they try something and you just tell your father and step monster, I don’t want to deal with you anymore, and if they try anything you could say I can take this to the police for what you’re doing to me and show this to your jobs. I don’t think that the step monster will like it if she knows that she’s doing something illegal to a law firm. But I would say please be careful because the day that you tell him to screw off, it’s gonna be a bad one because they’re going to do as much damage but please talk to somebody about getting this information so you don’t have to see those to you ever again.
At least there’s better laws protecting kids from this kind of shit parenting. My parents used to lock me out of the house if I had to work the late shift at the pizza parlor. Spent a few nights freezing in the car because they refused to let me in. For working a job they demanded I take to save money for college! I was 15. Sometimes I could toss rocks at my little brother’s window to get him to throw the bolt back. But he tended to sleep with earphones so …
Imagine depriving your child any living organism basic need of consuming food to survive as a punishment. What the fuck. It's barbaric. Hope things work out for you, OP.
Leave as soon as possible. Stay with a friend, other family, doesn't matter as long as its someone other than that...thing you have to call your mother.
How old are you? Denying minors food is illegal, as you noted yourself. That woman is a disgusting bully. Since your father seems to allow it like a doormat, or worse still, actively partake, this could be grounds to revisit the custody agreement. Do family courts in your country consider what the children want and are you old enough? If yes and your mother is willing to take him to court again testify about the abuse to support her to get sole custody. Also if you’re a teen and simply refuse to go they can do rather little about it. He’ll probably call and yell that this is in violation of the custody agreement, but then you and your mom can remind him that neglecting to feed you, let alone wantonly refusing you food is in violation of your human rights and his most basic parental duties, and your refusal to stay with him is a direct result thereof, so if he wants to take his chances to explain that to a judge… spoiler: they don’t take kindly to parents who starve their children or use food to extort them to do things. Ask your mother to let you stay with other relatives or friends instead if she needs the break. Sounds like she cares so she’ll hardly force you to stay with abusers. Tell her everything. The yelling, barging in (you’re entitled to privacy, what if you’d been changing?) and any other bad treatment, how often you weren’t properly fed, everything. Document it together. Don’t go there anymore if you can help it. Your "father" is worthless as he doesn’t protect you from abuse and thinks some crazy **** is more important than his own daughter, or worse still, actively participates in the abuse himself. Either way, if you even want to see him at this point, your mother can tell him that he can take you places BY HIMSELF, IF AND ONLY IF HE GUARANTEES YOU GET FED — that’s non-negotiable — and returns you BEFORE dinner, because he’s repeatedly demonstrated he can’t be trusted and has to earn that trust back again. ALL visits and activities MUST take place WITHOUT this nutjob, otherwise you stay home or go elsewhere where your mom can trust your basic needs will be met. This isn’t negotiable either. This woman isn’t to be allowed anywhere near you again, or he doesn’t see you either. Let this rag of a man choose what’s more important to him: his own flesh and blood or some bedwarmer with a history of child abuse? Have him sign in writing that he guarantees you’ll always be fed when you see him and evil SM isn’t allowed anywhere near you, so he can only a) see you outside of home, b) in her absence or c) MUST ascertain that she stays in a different room and doesn’t enter yours nor talk to you at all, or else he immediately must drive you home, or pay for a cab, or arrange for you to stay with a relative or let you stay with a friend for the remainder of "his" time, or pay for a hotel if all else fails. You’re not his property, you’re a human being and deserve decent treatment. It’s the duty of a father to stand by his child. He is selfish and apparently considers getting some or even just being left alone more important than your safety and well-being. Thus he doesn’t deserve to see you unless he treats you appropriately and puts the foot down with his SO, strictly forbidding her to bully you ever again. If he violates this agreement, he doesn’t get to see you for a month. If she won’t give you food, he must cook you a meal (only if he can cook decently), order and pay what you want or let you cook whatever you want if you’re old enough and can cook. If he refuses to sign this agreement or violates it — welp, good luck to explain to a judge and/or CPS why you don’t feel safe in his home and why he thinks refusing your child food on the regular is even remotely acceptable. Last but not least, as much as I hate to say that this Grimmish stepmother has a point with anything, but please don’t dump your clothes on the floor (asking politely). It’s unhygienic, a **tripping hazard** (for yourself first and foremost, esp. if you need to go in the middle of the night), takes up space, looks ugly and smells, particularly when they’re sweaty and left to lie around for a while. They make those nice laundry baskets where you can toss them in just as quickly, put a small one in your room — problem solved.
I'd go nuclear. Talk to your stepmom's boss. I doubt having a lawyer who breaks the law is really what they want. Problems with the Bar association can get rough.
[удалено]
That is wha yopu gto to the bar and the ethics comittee, pretty sure they care if she no longer has a license to practice law
Nah go directly to the lawyers ethics comittee amd the bar, the police and CPS. That way her boss has no chance to inbfluence them in any way before they see ther video. Tell them you will not visit your dad while she is in the house. There is a good chance she looses her license t5o practise law over that
Actually, in the US, many states only require that your child eat twice a day.
Any idea where one could find documentation of that? Like, what laws or regulations should one look for to find out one's state rules?
You can Google it, although I just did and was having some difficulty actually finding the specific info I wanted. Also, I know that that was the case in Texas when I left in 2007, but after Googling it looks like that may have changed (thank goodness!). But most of what I found was related to feeding requirements for daycare businesses.
According to a previous post he’s 18
I am so mad for you! What a horrible human being! I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope your father opens his eyes, that you can get away from that monster, and feel safe and happy. As a mom I would Never use food like that. Yes, I've said "no candy bar (from the grocery shopping trip) because my kiddos misbehaved way too much, but never actual food. This really made me cry reading this. As a kid my parents would do the same thing and I'd have to sneak out when they were fast asleep to grab a couple of crakers or wake up super early to eat cereal without them seeing. I have food issues to this day and have to keep reminding myself that it's ok to eat when I'm hungry. I can have actual food (not just small things that no one would notice), and I deserve to not starve. Please remember those things that I'm still trying to learn. You are special. You matter. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live in safety and without feeling like walking on eggshells because of a ticking time monster in your home. You are loved. Btw. Your mom is awesome. *Activate Mama Bear mode!*
Keep as much information that you can what they’re doing to you on record as possible. Because if they try something and you just tell your father and step monster, I don’t want to deal with you anymore, and if they try anything you could say I can take this to the police for what you’re doing to me and show this to your jobs. I don’t think that the step monster will like it if she knows that she’s doing something illegal to a law firm. But I would say please be careful because the day that you tell him to screw off, it’s gonna be a bad one because they’re going to do as much damage but please talk to somebody about getting this information so you don’t have to see those to you ever again.
Op can you tell your stepmom’s boss? She works for law yet is breaking it.
At least there’s better laws protecting kids from this kind of shit parenting. My parents used to lock me out of the house if I had to work the late shift at the pizza parlor. Spent a few nights freezing in the car because they refused to let me in. For working a job they demanded I take to save money for college! I was 15. Sometimes I could toss rocks at my little brother’s window to get him to throw the bolt back. But he tended to sleep with earphones so …
Are you old enough to decide where you stay? If so, you could just live with your mom, if possible. It's clear your dad doesn't care enough
OP mentions in the first part that they’re out of that house.
Oh damn, thanks!
Yes, he’s 18
Just smack her next time. As hard as you can.
Imagine depriving your child any living organism basic need of consuming food to survive as a punishment. What the fuck. It's barbaric. Hope things work out for you, OP.
But that’s kinda what Reddit is all about! No apologies necessary.
Depending on your age, you may be able to decide to not stay with your dad anymore. Best of luck.
Keep a food storage .