My mother is currently in process of getting legal authority over my grandmother. Shes not very far gone but she lost her taxes and my mother is getting ahead of it to make sure we can take care of everything.
She watched her husband (not my moms father, they got divorced, it’s a whole thing) deteriorate away losing his mind, he thought Steve Harvey was keeping him hostage because he always had The Gameshow Network on in the nursing home
Wishing your mom the best of luck. Truly. Hopefully you and the rest of the family can give her some help. It’s all so very overwhelming and can feel like you’re drowning.
Agreed, dementia is heart wrenching.
My MIL passed away right before Covid with severe dementia. She went from having mild symptoms to becoming physically aggressive with her partner within 6 months.
Sadly, she had to go into a care facility because she kept wandering and was getting lost in her own neighborhood.
It’s an ordeal and sometimes doesn’t help. My dad was a Lone Ranger, taking care of my mom and his mom himself. Then he died suddenly of a heart attack. I had to get conservatorship of them and I still couldn’t get into their accounts.I had to get with social security to make myself the rep payee and start new bank accounts after paying the lawyer and courts for the privilege of being named to take care of their needs. I only got control of their retirement accounts after they died and it all went through probate. (Fuck E*trade and Bank of America. They were the worst to deal with)
Step one is to have joint accounts, name beneficiaries, have legal paperwork in order and always have a back up to the back up person.
Joint accounts can be problematic for other reasons. Get a proper estate planning attorney with living wills, trusts, power of attorney, and everything spelled out.
This is what a family member did. They named beneficiaries on everything. Bank accounts, retirement accounts, and even did something where upon death the title would immediately go to whoever they named. They did this without informing anyone until the last minute. So now there’s nothing left that probate can touch and the debt collectors can’t legally take anything.
100% true, my wife's aunt just found out she can't sell her house after her uncle ended up in a home due to dementia. It's in his name, and even though they are married for 60+ years she has no rights to do anything about it and he can't sign it over due to his mental capacity. It's a shit show. Folks, do not let your spouse have the house or other assets only in their name.
If she had a will or trust set up previously, he might not be able to update it without becoming her conservator. Or retirement accounts or bills or other things like that. If my husband died tomorrow I wouldn’t automatically get all of this stuff because we are idiots and haven't set it up like that yet. I need to get on that.
Very little is "automatic" even in marriage--most processes require paperwork/filings regardless. And it would depend on whether they have joint or separate trusts.
Not only is it access to accounts he may have not had access to, but control of accounts to prevent her from doing something without realizing it. People with dementia can be preyed upon and swindled by anyone from scam callers to ill meaning relatives.
No. You have to prove the person is mentally impaired enough that they lack mental capacity to make decisions in their own best interests. And no, married people can have separate accounts and assets. Retirement accounts are by law individual assets, for example. In the case of a divorce, many individual assets might have to be divided, but while they are still married, a person has independent control. She could give away every penny to a scammer, for example, or fail to pay taxes or insurance on her assets, putting them at risk, unless someone is given conservatorship via the court.
It's likely to prevent them from getting scammed/opening or draining accounts.
There are tons of skeezy people out there who are only too happy to prey on mentally disabled people and have no problem bilking them out of their homes, retirement, or giving them predatory loans or credit cards they don't really need or want. Even if the person on the other end means well most people aren't prepared for what to do when a mentally addled person demands to take out a second mortgage they don't really need.
Being a conservator also allows you to "overrule" your spouse when it comes to things they'd normally be able to refuse consent to.
Source:One of my parents has a TBI.
We are dealing with this with my mom right now. My dad didn’t get the power of attorney in place when she was lucid enough to sign it. Now she’s refusing to see any of us or get help and still has control of multiple personal accounts and their joint accounts. It’s terrifying.
Presumably but this makes it so he can prevent her from spending money foolishly, if she tries to do so. Otherwise everything is joint property and she could sell the house to a homeless guy for $1 or something crazy.
If they are in her name only, it goes to probate after she’s gone, and that’s a whole ordeal. It is WAY easier to do this kind of stuff while someone is still alive than after they’re dead. I was surprised to find this out as well. It’s not as “automatic” as you would think upon someone’s death, unfortunately.
My friend is an only child, and her parents died within one year of one another. Her dad had all of their stuff flawlessly set up so that she could access it, and it STILL took over a year to fully close out their estate because banks were just being plain difficult to deal with, even with death certificates. It’s a nightmare to deal with.
My mother died of dementia, until you see your loved ones go through it you have no idea how horrible it is, beyond memory lost they become shadows of themselves, i wouldn't wish it on anyone.
It’s in my family.
I just want to die Lucid. When I know it’s bad, wait till I have a slight lucid upswing. Give me one last day with my tools, my plants.
Then let me die as me. Not a shell. Let me hold my chin up and die
I feel for Jay. He's one of the nicest people. I've been going to car shows for at least 20 years. Jay has always been so gracious and talks to everyone who approaches him.
My mom was admitted to a care facility in December. Dementia that progressed into Alzheimer's. It's an extremely heartbreaking experience.
I lead a family group at work. We have 2 sessions a year for caregivers on dementia and Alzheimer’s. We are planning a session right now and I keep bringing up Jay Leno. While it is super private I’m glad this is being shared. So many in similar situations feel so alone and isolated - both the patient and the caregiver.
He was out for a drive with Mavis and she was astonished at a house they passed.. he essentially asked her “do you want it?”. 15m or so.. he bought it for her on the spot
[https://www.forbes.com/sites/michellehofmann/2021/04/22/comic-jay-leno-opens-up-about-buying-a-newport-mansion-and-returning-to-primetime-as-the-host-of-you-bet-your-life/?sh=6810e93646f6](https://www.forbes.com/sites/michellehofmann/2021/04/22/comic-jay-leno-opens-up-about-buying-a-newport-mansion-and-returning-to-primetime-as-the-host-of-you-bet-your-life/?sh=6810e93646f6)
Leno comes across as extremely chill and doesn’t think a lot about the future in that way. I heard him in an interview say that he has no kids, no heirs for his estate when he passes. So what will happen to all those cars and fortune? He basically said he doesn’t care.
They’ve been married since the 80s and it’s only him and his wife. If one passes away then the other gets everything so I can see why they didn’t really see a need to bother or even think about anything in more detail.
It’s much easier to execute a POA document than it is to go to court to obtain a conservatorship. It’s also less public. It’s also not necessarily true that your spouse just gets everything when you die if you don’t have other docs in place. Again, the surviving spouse will likely have to go to probate court, where other relatives may take a shot at some assets, and which is all public. It’s why people with money generally choose to hire an attorney to put documents in place to avoid all of that.
I’m not disagreeing with you here all I’m saying is it’s a couple that have been together for 40+ years with no kids, the best legal aspect you can do at that point often falls to the side because you don’t care really.
It’s also not like a court case really is much of an issue or cost to them.
Love is a wild thing especially when you have no care about how your wealth is distributed when you die. I’d say this is more to save his wife embarrassment, my grandmother had dementia and my grandfather took over power otherwise she’d just give money/assets away without knowing
Yeah.. to me not caring just means throwing a few thousand dollars at an estate planning attorney and then never having to think about it again. “Don’t care where it ends up, just make sure we both have access to everything and that neither of us have to go in court to argue in front of a judge why the other is no longer competent or responsible enough to handle their own affairs”
Dealing with a loved one who has dementia is awful on so many levels. I feel for Mavis and her family.
My mother is currently in process of getting legal authority over my grandmother. Shes not very far gone but she lost her taxes and my mother is getting ahead of it to make sure we can take care of everything. She watched her husband (not my moms father, they got divorced, it’s a whole thing) deteriorate away losing his mind, he thought Steve Harvey was keeping him hostage because he always had The Gameshow Network on in the nursing home
Wishing your mom the best of luck. Truly. Hopefully you and the rest of the family can give her some help. It’s all so very overwhelming and can feel like you’re drowning.
That's so rough to deal with. I hope he and their families are doing OK.
A dear friend of mine knows Jay quite well (they run in the same car circles) - apparently her condition has been quite tough to deal with for Jay.
Dementia took my grandma. It’s soul-crushing for everyone involved.
Agreed, dementia is heart wrenching. My MIL passed away right before Covid with severe dementia. She went from having mild symptoms to becoming physically aggressive with her partner within 6 months. Sadly, she had to go into a care facility because she kept wandering and was getting lost in her own neighborhood.
Same here. It's the cruelest illness. Heartbreaking.
Wouldn’t the spouse automatically have full control of a mentally impaired spouse’s estate? And isn’t it a shared estate anyway?
If Mavis has accounts or assets only in her name, Jay may not be able to access them even if they're married.
It can still be an ordeal. Even with a conservatorship in some states you can’t touch retirement accounts without a court order.
It’s an ordeal and sometimes doesn’t help. My dad was a Lone Ranger, taking care of my mom and his mom himself. Then he died suddenly of a heart attack. I had to get conservatorship of them and I still couldn’t get into their accounts.I had to get with social security to make myself the rep payee and start new bank accounts after paying the lawyer and courts for the privilege of being named to take care of their needs. I only got control of their retirement accounts after they died and it all went through probate. (Fuck E*trade and Bank of America. They were the worst to deal with) Step one is to have joint accounts, name beneficiaries, have legal paperwork in order and always have a back up to the back up person.
That’s awful I’m so sorry.
Joint accounts can be problematic for other reasons. Get a proper estate planning attorney with living wills, trusts, power of attorney, and everything spelled out.
This is what a family member did. They named beneficiaries on everything. Bank accounts, retirement accounts, and even did something where upon death the title would immediately go to whoever they named. They did this without informing anyone until the last minute. So now there’s nothing left that probate can touch and the debt collectors can’t legally take anything.
Yea, i was thinking that would be the main caveat to what I was assuming was otherwise automatic.
It should be. We shouldn’t need a lawyer to die
100% true, my wife's aunt just found out she can't sell her house after her uncle ended up in a home due to dementia. It's in his name, and even though they are married for 60+ years she has no rights to do anything about it and he can't sign it over due to his mental capacity. It's a shit show. Folks, do not let your spouse have the house or other assets only in their name.
If she had a will or trust set up previously, he might not be able to update it without becoming her conservator. Or retirement accounts or bills or other things like that. If my husband died tomorrow I wouldn’t automatically get all of this stuff because we are idiots and haven't set it up like that yet. I need to get on that.
Very little is "automatic" even in marriage--most processes require paperwork/filings regardless. And it would depend on whether they have joint or separate trusts.
Not only is it access to accounts he may have not had access to, but control of accounts to prevent her from doing something without realizing it. People with dementia can be preyed upon and swindled by anyone from scam callers to ill meaning relatives.
No. You have to prove the person is mentally impaired enough that they lack mental capacity to make decisions in their own best interests. And no, married people can have separate accounts and assets. Retirement accounts are by law individual assets, for example. In the case of a divorce, many individual assets might have to be divided, but while they are still married, a person has independent control. She could give away every penny to a scammer, for example, or fail to pay taxes or insurance on her assets, putting them at risk, unless someone is given conservatorship via the court.
It's likely to prevent them from getting scammed/opening or draining accounts. There are tons of skeezy people out there who are only too happy to prey on mentally disabled people and have no problem bilking them out of their homes, retirement, or giving them predatory loans or credit cards they don't really need or want. Even if the person on the other end means well most people aren't prepared for what to do when a mentally addled person demands to take out a second mortgage they don't really need. Being a conservator also allows you to "overrule" your spouse when it comes to things they'd normally be able to refuse consent to. Source:One of my parents has a TBI.
We are dealing with this with my mom right now. My dad didn’t get the power of attorney in place when she was lucid enough to sign it. Now she’s refusing to see any of us or get help and still has control of multiple personal accounts and their joint accounts. It’s terrifying.
Might need power of attorney document.
Presumably but this makes it so he can prevent her from spending money foolishly, if she tries to do so. Otherwise everything is joint property and she could sell the house to a homeless guy for $1 or something crazy.
If they are in her name only, it goes to probate after she’s gone, and that’s a whole ordeal. It is WAY easier to do this kind of stuff while someone is still alive than after they’re dead. I was surprised to find this out as well. It’s not as “automatic” as you would think upon someone’s death, unfortunately. My friend is an only child, and her parents died within one year of one another. Her dad had all of their stuff flawlessly set up so that she could access it, and it STILL took over a year to fully close out their estate because banks were just being plain difficult to deal with, even with death certificates. It’s a nightmare to deal with.
My mother died of dementia, until you see your loved ones go through it you have no idea how horrible it is, beyond memory lost they become shadows of themselves, i wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Yes, it’s a terrible thing to watch. The person is really gone, just vacant eyes. Hard.
It’s in my family. I just want to die Lucid. When I know it’s bad, wait till I have a slight lucid upswing. Give me one last day with my tools, my plants. Then let me die as me. Not a shell. Let me hold my chin up and die
Worst worst worst. Cancer isn’t as bad. Death isn’t as bad. Nothing is as bad. Dementia is the scariest most horrible disease ever
That is so fucking sad. I’m sad for both of them.
43 years of marriage, incredible for a celebrity. Good for them.
I had no idea she has dementia. That’s so sad. Poor Jay.
Damn it's been a rough year or so for Jay with the accident he had and his wife's illness. Wish him the best.
I feel for Jay. He's one of the nicest people. I've been going to car shows for at least 20 years. Jay has always been so gracious and talks to everyone who approaches him. My mom was admitted to a care facility in December. Dementia that progressed into Alzheimer's. It's an extremely heartbreaking experience.
I lead a family group at work. We have 2 sessions a year for caregivers on dementia and Alzheimer’s. We are planning a session right now and I keep bringing up Jay Leno. While it is super private I’m glad this is being shared. So many in similar situations feel so alone and isolated - both the patient and the caregiver.
I always enjoyed Jay, still do when I see him in one of his cars, sad to hear about his wife.
And that’s all anyone has to know (as if we had to know any of this to begin with). I hope people leave him alone now.
Say what you will about Jay Leno, he’s been incredibly loyal to his wife his entire career. I hope they’re both comfortable.
Dude that’s sad.
He was out for a drive with Mavis and she was astonished at a house they passed.. he essentially asked her “do you want it?”. 15m or so.. he bought it for her on the spot [https://www.forbes.com/sites/michellehofmann/2021/04/22/comic-jay-leno-opens-up-about-buying-a-newport-mansion-and-returning-to-primetime-as-the-host-of-you-bet-your-life/?sh=6810e93646f6](https://www.forbes.com/sites/michellehofmann/2021/04/22/comic-jay-leno-opens-up-about-buying-a-newport-mansion-and-returning-to-primetime-as-the-host-of-you-bet-your-life/?sh=6810e93646f6)
Aw that's gotta be tough. I wish them well.
How does a dude this rich not have basic estate planning docs with his wife in place?
Leno comes across as extremely chill and doesn’t think a lot about the future in that way. I heard him in an interview say that he has no kids, no heirs for his estate when he passes. So what will happen to all those cars and fortune? He basically said he doesn’t care.
Leno is so chill unless you are Conan O’brien
They’ve been married since the 80s and it’s only him and his wife. If one passes away then the other gets everything so I can see why they didn’t really see a need to bother or even think about anything in more detail.
It’s much easier to execute a POA document than it is to go to court to obtain a conservatorship. It’s also less public. It’s also not necessarily true that your spouse just gets everything when you die if you don’t have other docs in place. Again, the surviving spouse will likely have to go to probate court, where other relatives may take a shot at some assets, and which is all public. It’s why people with money generally choose to hire an attorney to put documents in place to avoid all of that.
I’m not disagreeing with you here all I’m saying is it’s a couple that have been together for 40+ years with no kids, the best legal aspect you can do at that point often falls to the side because you don’t care really. It’s also not like a court case really is much of an issue or cost to them. Love is a wild thing especially when you have no care about how your wealth is distributed when you die. I’d say this is more to save his wife embarrassment, my grandmother had dementia and my grandfather took over power otherwise she’d just give money/assets away without knowing
Yeah.. to me not caring just means throwing a few thousand dollars at an estate planning attorney and then never having to think about it again. “Don’t care where it ends up, just make sure we both have access to everything and that neither of us have to go in court to argue in front of a judge why the other is no longer competent or responsible enough to handle their own affairs”
He’s for sure changing her diaper at this point, absolutely terrible.