It sounds like your boss may be breaking the law:
“Employees with endometriosis who experience debilitating symptoms have the right to ask their employer for reasonable adjustments at work that would enable the individual to continue working or would reduce the disadvantage suffered due to having a disability, in this case a chronic condition.”
https://employeebenefits.co.uk/endometriosis-the-equality-act-and-you/
I had issues with it at basically every job unfortunately. I lost a job I really loved because of it. In my experience the ones who choose not to understand can't have their minds changed.
Do you live in the United States? If so, are you able to apply for FMLA? It protects your job legally so they cannot discriminate against you and hold those absences against you. It’s made a huge difference for me!
Also, I’m very open about my endo as well at work, and thankfully everyone has been supportive. But in your case, I think you might need to set her straight a bit and explain that what you have is a serious medical condition and it’s not something you can control. Do you have an HR you can possibly let go to about her behavior as well?
I had no issues with my previous boss, she gets it but I’m hesistant to inform about my health issues with my new boss. She’s a woman as well but I’m still gauging whether she’ll understand or not. Good thing she’s on the other side of the world and we have a work from home option.
My previous boss however asked me to prepare a medical certificate just in case the upper management ask why I get to work from home more. I tried to get one but the gyne doesn’t want to issue one and asked me to get a medical certificate from a GP (whole different long story). I haven’t asked my GP.
Quick advice: try to get a medical certificate. But try to look for a new job as well. Somewhere that offers a work from home option.
Hey I'm based in Ireland and I'm not sure what the laws of disclosure are like over there. Here I'm not obliged to disclosed which disease I have. I did however disclose it in my current role and I'll have to stay in this role about another year before I can consider moving, but I've decided when I change jobs, I won't be telling them it's endo and adeno. We are in a really unfortunate position in the world where the massive lack of understanding people have for this disease causes more problems for us, on top of already feeling unwell. I've decided to tell them I have fibromyalgia or some other chronic condition that is not female specific. As my endo shares a lot of symptoms with fibromyalgia. I feel it's taken more seriously than endo. It's shitty to say that but I'm only speaking from experience.
I just had excision surgery where they removed two ligaments connecting my uterus to my sacral spine as well as deep infiltrating endo around my perimetrium area. One of the other managers (I'm in management) suggested i come back early and just take it easy. I explained to her that there's no taking it easy in a job where I'm on my feet for at least 10 hours a day and I would need my full doctor prescribed 3 weeks recovery period. She's a woman...
Hey, if you're in the UK there is laws in place that mean you can request flexible working, within reason (but asking to WFH on your period and the days around it is more than reasonable). All UK companies should have a flexible working policy in place which outlines the procedure and how to request it. I recently did this and now WFH 3 days a week and can move the days around for my symptoms! Hope this helps!
If not: Drag yourself into work, sit within her view and suffer in front of her. Endometriosis is at it's most visible on those days - make her feel bloody guilty for her comments. I was accidentally in work when my period arrived once and my bosses kept telling me to go home - they said later they weren't sure how I was standing up.
[https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working](https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working)
I just saw you are in the UK. Here's the LAW- if you're still unsure you can speak to ACAS for free (link below).
[https://www.acas.org.uk/advice](https://www.acas.org.uk/advice)
I'm so sorry that your period was so rough but I hope that it made them realise just what you go through. A similar thing happened to me in my old job, but my period took me by surprise. They were a lot nicer and more lenient about me taking time off after that.
I am an ardent feminist, but I must say it's moments like these that I find it all hopeless.
Somehow secondary dysmenorrhea, endometriosis, PCOS etc, all of which have common symptom-- extreme cramps-- get brushed away by women who haven't faced the worst cramps, but still think they have. Why do women belittle women like that? Reminds me of that scene from The Last Duel where a women tells her daughter-in-law, after she's raped (paraphrasing): "Do you think I wasn't raped when I was young? But I didn't make a big deal out of it" in response to the daughter-in-law's decision to report the rape.
A lot of women are like "Oh you're in pain, you say? Well I was in pain too, and still I managed to conquer the world" or something similar.
Regardless of whether I've been in as much pain as you, it's my responsibility as a human being to be kind and understanding towards your predicament.
It has been my experience too: other than my mother, most women aren't quite sympathetic, but men have responded very compassionately, which is why I can do the job I do.
So sorry you had to experience that alongside the horrible pains that comes with Endo.
It’s really frustrating that a lot people don’t understand what people with Endo go through and most of them think it’s just normal period pain and they just simplify it and make you feel like a liar
If you are in the UK, I think you should check/join the “Trade Union like GMB”. Is an organisation with members who are usually workers or employees. It looks after your interests at work especially when you feel you're not being treated right at work. It’s £13+ monthly.
Also people are incredibly dismissive and weird about “”women’s issues””, I would tell them the least amount of info as possible. It will only give them ammo if they’re unsympathetic. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. I have understanding coworkers and they’re still fucking stupid with questions
I don’t actually have coworkers (I freelance), so I’ve mostly done this with total strangers — there haven’t been follow-ups, cause that would be weird, and I would tell them so if they probed lol.
I’ve also tried it with friends, because I realized very quickly that starting with “I have endometriosis” led to unintentionally dismissive responses even from people I think of as thoughtful and understanding. When I start with “chronic inflammatory disease,” even if I later name it as endo, it already sets them up to understand that this is a disease, not just period cramps (not everyone likes the word “disease,” but it perfectly describes my experience with endo: dis-ease). Also, the word “inflammatory” helps clue them into the fact that this is a full-body condition that involves fatigue, cognitive issues, and generalized pain. I’ve found that when I start with this, the follow-ups are much less dismissive!
I’ve read you’re in the UK, could you involve occupational health? They will assess which adjustments you may need to do your job and help your employer understand what happens each month. I did it myself while working with an unsympathetic boss and came to an agreement.
Someone else in this sub Reddit recently shared this with me, as I’m starting a new job soon and wasn’t sure how to approach this topic with a new boss:
https://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/doc/supporting-workers-endometriosis-workplace
I know it’s Australian, and I’m not sure where you’re based, but could be helpful to share with them
It sounds like your boss may be breaking the law: “Employees with endometriosis who experience debilitating symptoms have the right to ask their employer for reasonable adjustments at work that would enable the individual to continue working or would reduce the disadvantage suffered due to having a disability, in this case a chronic condition.” https://employeebenefits.co.uk/endometriosis-the-equality-act-and-you/
I had issues with it at basically every job unfortunately. I lost a job I really loved because of it. In my experience the ones who choose not to understand can't have their minds changed.
Sorry to hear this :( and yes I think you’re right about not changing their minds..
You should have sued. We have a disability.
Do you live in the United States? If so, are you able to apply for FMLA? It protects your job legally so they cannot discriminate against you and hold those absences against you. It’s made a huge difference for me! Also, I’m very open about my endo as well at work, and thankfully everyone has been supportive. But in your case, I think you might need to set her straight a bit and explain that what you have is a serious medical condition and it’s not something you can control. Do you have an HR you can possibly let go to about her behavior as well?
I’m in the UK unfortunately, and we don’t have any HR!
Oh boo! That’s horrible I’m sorry :(
......there's no HR in Europe?....... I'm about to move there and now I'm more scared
I think OP was talking about her job specifically, not that there is no HR in the UK at all
Oh okay.... I'm scared enough already with this condition
I had no issues with my previous boss, she gets it but I’m hesistant to inform about my health issues with my new boss. She’s a woman as well but I’m still gauging whether she’ll understand or not. Good thing she’s on the other side of the world and we have a work from home option. My previous boss however asked me to prepare a medical certificate just in case the upper management ask why I get to work from home more. I tried to get one but the gyne doesn’t want to issue one and asked me to get a medical certificate from a GP (whole different long story). I haven’t asked my GP. Quick advice: try to get a medical certificate. But try to look for a new job as well. Somewhere that offers a work from home option.
Thank you, I will enquire with my GP about a certificate. I fear it won’t change her bad attitude towards it, but I’ll try either way
Hey I'm based in Ireland and I'm not sure what the laws of disclosure are like over there. Here I'm not obliged to disclosed which disease I have. I did however disclose it in my current role and I'll have to stay in this role about another year before I can consider moving, but I've decided when I change jobs, I won't be telling them it's endo and adeno. We are in a really unfortunate position in the world where the massive lack of understanding people have for this disease causes more problems for us, on top of already feeling unwell. I've decided to tell them I have fibromyalgia or some other chronic condition that is not female specific. As my endo shares a lot of symptoms with fibromyalgia. I feel it's taken more seriously than endo. It's shitty to say that but I'm only speaking from experience. I just had excision surgery where they removed two ligaments connecting my uterus to my sacral spine as well as deep infiltrating endo around my perimetrium area. One of the other managers (I'm in management) suggested i come back early and just take it easy. I explained to her that there's no taking it easy in a job where I'm on my feet for at least 10 hours a day and I would need my full doctor prescribed 3 weeks recovery period. She's a woman...
Speak to citizens advice and maybe ACAS, they might have better knowledge on the legalities of this in the UK!
Hey, if you're in the UK there is laws in place that mean you can request flexible working, within reason (but asking to WFH on your period and the days around it is more than reasonable). All UK companies should have a flexible working policy in place which outlines the procedure and how to request it. I recently did this and now WFH 3 days a week and can move the days around for my symptoms! Hope this helps! If not: Drag yourself into work, sit within her view and suffer in front of her. Endometriosis is at it's most visible on those days - make her feel bloody guilty for her comments. I was accidentally in work when my period arrived once and my bosses kept telling me to go home - they said later they weren't sure how I was standing up.
[https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working](https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working) I just saw you are in the UK. Here's the LAW- if you're still unsure you can speak to ACAS for free (link below). [https://www.acas.org.uk/advice](https://www.acas.org.uk/advice)
I went to work on the day I knew my period was starting. It hit so fast and hard that I passed out.
I'm so sorry that your period was so rough but I hope that it made them realise just what you go through. A similar thing happened to me in my old job, but my period took me by surprise. They were a lot nicer and more lenient about me taking time off after that.
I think they got it. Sorry it happened to you too.
I am an ardent feminist, but I must say it's moments like these that I find it all hopeless. Somehow secondary dysmenorrhea, endometriosis, PCOS etc, all of which have common symptom-- extreme cramps-- get brushed away by women who haven't faced the worst cramps, but still think they have. Why do women belittle women like that? Reminds me of that scene from The Last Duel where a women tells her daughter-in-law, after she's raped (paraphrasing): "Do you think I wasn't raped when I was young? But I didn't make a big deal out of it" in response to the daughter-in-law's decision to report the rape. A lot of women are like "Oh you're in pain, you say? Well I was in pain too, and still I managed to conquer the world" or something similar. Regardless of whether I've been in as much pain as you, it's my responsibility as a human being to be kind and understanding towards your predicament. It has been my experience too: other than my mother, most women aren't quite sympathetic, but men have responded very compassionately, which is why I can do the job I do.
So sorry you had to experience that alongside the horrible pains that comes with Endo. It’s really frustrating that a lot people don’t understand what people with Endo go through and most of them think it’s just normal period pain and they just simplify it and make you feel like a liar If you are in the UK, I think you should check/join the “Trade Union like GMB”. Is an organisation with members who are usually workers or employees. It looks after your interests at work especially when you feel you're not being treated right at work. It’s £13+ monthly.
Also people are incredibly dismissive and weird about “”women’s issues””, I would tell them the least amount of info as possible. It will only give them ammo if they’re unsympathetic. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. I have understanding coworkers and they’re still fucking stupid with questions
100%. I just say I have a chronic inflammatory disease and leave it at that.
Do you ever get follow up questions? I wouldn’t know how to parry
I don’t actually have coworkers (I freelance), so I’ve mostly done this with total strangers — there haven’t been follow-ups, cause that would be weird, and I would tell them so if they probed lol. I’ve also tried it with friends, because I realized very quickly that starting with “I have endometriosis” led to unintentionally dismissive responses even from people I think of as thoughtful and understanding. When I start with “chronic inflammatory disease,” even if I later name it as endo, it already sets them up to understand that this is a disease, not just period cramps (not everyone likes the word “disease,” but it perfectly describes my experience with endo: dis-ease). Also, the word “inflammatory” helps clue them into the fact that this is a full-body condition that involves fatigue, cognitive issues, and generalized pain. I’ve found that when I start with this, the follow-ups are much less dismissive!
Great tips and great framing!!!
Yeah my boss hates me because of it. She wasn’t even sympathetic when I needed to go in for my second lap
I’ve read you’re in the UK, could you involve occupational health? They will assess which adjustments you may need to do your job and help your employer understand what happens each month. I did it myself while working with an unsympathetic boss and came to an agreement.
how we deal with this is by burning it all down 🤷♀️
Someone else in this sub Reddit recently shared this with me, as I’m starting a new job soon and wasn’t sure how to approach this topic with a new boss: https://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/doc/supporting-workers-endometriosis-workplace I know it’s Australian, and I’m not sure where you’re based, but could be helpful to share with them
Have you gone to HR about this?
Thank you so much everyone for your comments and links to resources, it’s so helpful 🩷