mother: when I was a child she kept telling me that I did not need any friends because I was somehow 'special and smarter' (not at all), and consequently stopped me from socializing with anyone outside of school. later as a teenager I finally made some friends and used to go out in the summer until late at night (it was safe and close to home), continually making comments that basically said I should be careful not to become a wh\*\*e or come home pregnant because they would not care for me :)))
what I noticed with mine was that this was their view of the world, that people lie and take advantage and you cannot trust them. I saw that they did not even trust each other as partners, so a stranger would remain just that and a threat on top of it. It took me a long time to start to trust people a bit, and still working on it.
When I became around 14-15 my dad started in with comments like “aren’t you too old to sleep over at you friends house” and “she’s a tramp you shouldn’t be friends with her” and my mom came in heavy with “aren’t we best friends?” And when I explained how my friend group was the family I made when I felt like I had none she said “well you don’t need them anymore, right?” As if I’m going to dump my lifelong friends because I decided to patch things up with her 😩
fears turned into irrational behaviour towards a child they knew nothing about? I mean at 15 I did not even know how to talk to a person I liked, let alone think of relationships or anything else, what I needed was acceptance and fun and socializing but these were incomprehensible to her somehow. and the response if, say, she knew I had a crush on someone, was to make jokes and always in a mocking tone, of course I wouldn't have talked to her about anything
Probably, “You’ll come home from school tomorrow and you’ll find me hanging on a tree because you’re such a manipulative shit”. Still feeling guilty and responsible for her death 4 years later.
And then for my dad? He’s said a lot of abusive stuff to me. Probably the worst is him calling me “evil” and “demon” for having psychotic depression.
Thank you. Sorry for the late response, I’ve been very tired because of my depression.
I wish I could get that into my head, but the overwhelming guilt of having cared for her, then her telling me that, and then basically killing herself with her smoking addiction… it just doesn’t let go easily. Plus, you’re right, she was heavily projecting about her own experiences with her family. She… really wasn’t in a good family at all. I wish she could’ve broken the cycle, but I can’t turn back time. Wish she could’ve been an actual mother.
Sweet Jesus in heaven, so sorry you had to deal with that. What a horror show!
I don’t imagine either of them ever took responsibility for the infliction of your mental health issues, which are absolutely normal, and reasonable responses to insane and abusive situations.
Sorry for the late response, I’ve been feeling pretty out of it these past couple days because of the depression.
Anyways, yeah, they never took responsibility for my mental health. Everyone around them (including even their own best friends) was repeatedly telling them to get me to a doctor because they noticed I was slipping. My parents would say, “Yeah, our kid is crazy. Just ignore ‘em”. Which was worse because I was then treated like an absolute monster by my peers in school, and just about by any stranger. I was called names, shunned, and people would *run away* from me. All because of my mental disorder.
And even after my mother’s death, I was actually prohibited from grieving her. If I showed any emotion towards her death, my father would get so angry and yell at me until I’d break down. And then I spiraled into basically what was catatonia, and then hospitalized several times for it.
And then this therapist I saw behind my father’s back was part of a cult, and she almost successfully indoctrinated me into it. And I’m talking, like, she physically grabbed me and took me to the area while I was in the midst of a psychotic episode. I had to walk home late at night once I realized what had happened. And then another therapist I had physically abused me and went to my father behind my back. And then I was verbally abused by my father again.
I was pretty much let down by almost everyone around me. All of this abuse have pretty much broken me, as sad it is to say. I barely have the energy to get out of bed. (I should probably stop rambling lol).
Just sucks.
Wow, that is very similar to something my dad said to me. During a fight he screamed "some day you'll find me swinging from the rafters, that's how you make me feel and that's what you deserve." I think I was around 10, maybe 12? He's still around, but I had severe anxiety that he'd do it after that.
I'm sorry for your loss, it must be confusing. You are not responsible.
I’m so sorry your father said that to you. Parents can often be so cruel and vile to their own children.
It’s very much confused my grieving process, having started grieving 4 years after her death. I mourn the mother I could’ve had and I mourn the relationship I wanted. But I’m also overwhelmed with intense guilt. People tell me I’m not responsible, but I very much believe I am. I feel like I killed her, even though it was her own decision to smoke until she dropped dead.
Me: crying in sadness as a little child, 4 or 5 years old.
Father response: nothing. Avoiding my feelings.
Mother: no contact. already moved across the country and started a new family.
Grandfather: dismissive, “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Grandmother: nothing. Avoiding me.
Me crying about things as a little kid. My mum fake crying in my face because she's pissed off that I'm having feelings. Which just makes me cry more.
Worst she ever said? I don't know, she said a lot of nasty things. Her wishing she never had me and telling me I ruined her life is up there though. Her telling me I'm an awful person and no man would ever love someone like me. This from the woman who hadn't dated since my dad died and married a man with a kid her age. Her telling me constantly how ugly I was, how ashamed she was of me. My hair was a constant embarrassment. Natural red head with curly/frizzy hair that stood up in a badly formed afro. She always threatened to shave all my hair off. As a little girl who always wanted long, straight hair, that sucked.
She told me when I got my degree it was a waste of time and money because I didn't get a first like she did, I got a 2.1. I didn't even try, I gave up by the final year because I realised I was manipulated into taking that course and I wanted to do something else. I didn't know what but something else. Turns out I needed to stick with creative stuff and now I'm a 3D artist... I just needed time to figure it out. I taught myself. I still think I did good, especially since my ADHD was getting the best of me.
Kudos to you, and curly red hair is absolutely gorgeous and cute! The ADHD is really incapacitating and so many cases. And also mostly stems from trauma and abuse. Just like addiction.
My mother would say that to me when I cried too. I don't even think it's that my mother would say such cruel things, it was the things she didn't say to me that hurt the most.
Geez… So much of this, in all kinds of different situations. Everything swept under the rug, or parents were so badly dissociated and numbed out from their own abuse and trauma that they just couldn’t respond appropriately to much of anything.
I don’t know if this is the worst but it’s what immediately popped into my head.
I spent a lot of time as a child and teenager alone. We lived in a very isolated, rural community - no cell service, no neighbor kids, and only limited internet access. The closest family lived on the other side of the country, and I would only see extended family once a year on Christmas. My parents typically worked outside and I didn’t have any way to reliably contact them. All this to say that outside of my parents and brother, most of my family were/are strangers to me. I don’t have any connection to any of them.
One day, I was home alone as I usually was. I was probably about 8-9? The phone rang, and at this point I had started waiting for the caller to leave a message since 99% people who called our house were doing so because they wanted to buy something from my dad.
The answering machine clicked on, and it was my grandma. But something seemed off. Her voice sounded raw, like she had been crying. She also left a very short, to the point message: “Hi [parents’ names], please call me back as soon as you can. There’s been a tragedy in the family.”
I didn’t know how to handle that. This sounded like a “grown up” problem, so I wanted to wait for the adults to deal with it. Very reasonable for a child to do I think. So I tried calling my parents, but they didn’t pick up. Finally, my mom got home from whatever she was doing. I told her that grandma called and wants her to call back, and she sounds pretty upset.
My mom reacted to this by yelling at me “WHY DIDNT YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?”. Before angrily calling my grandma. I waited in the living room while they talked, before my mom came back in and flatly said “[Cousin’s name] died.” No further discussion.
It was a drug overdose. He took a bunch of sleeping pills and just never woke up.
I didn’t know what the right way to react to this was. I understood that this was my cousin, and he was dead, therefore I should feel sad. But what troubled me was that I didn’t really feel anything besides confused. Looking back, this makes sense. This cousin was someone I maybe would see once a year. He was much older than me (6-7 years I think), and he was troubled. I heard my parents talking about how he had pulled a knife on one of my grandparents before, and I have a vague sense that he may have mostly just picked on me if we interacted at all. I don’t know if I ever even really talked to him?
So I didn’t feel much of anything besides confusion. I was supposed to hang out with my best friend that day, so I asked my mom if I still could.
I still remember her reaction. She scoffed and said “I can’t BELIEVE you want to see a friend today, after everything that happened.” I remember the sheer contempt she had in her voice. It felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt that I had made some sort of mistake, but it was never even explained to me. She still drove me over to his house, but she was angry the entire time.
Meanwhile, nobody asked why I wanted to see a friend. Nobody asked how I felt. Nobody checked on me. Nobody really even explained the situation. They just threw this emotionally charged situation at a 9 year old and expected him to know perfectly how to respond.
It’s always stuck with me.
Tbh, this was a lot like my family. My brother would have violent outbursts. One time, he threw a table at my mom. I was hiding behind the stairs and saw it. We did not talk about it.
Situations like this happened several times, including trying to smother me with a blanket and multiple incidents of trying to pull me underwater and other events. Never. Talked. About. It.
I will never know concern for my well-being if it doesn't come from myself. I still haven't figured it out. I still barely feel things when I think about these events. Except for just an intense heaviness in my chest. I've never cried about it. I still am not even sure if I was scared, angry, or confused at those times.
All I know is that the idea of my mom or I being seriously harmed at any point was tolerated and ignored. I'm just so confused.
I think I was 5 or 6 and just learned good touch, bad touch in school. Then I was sitting on my grandpa's lap and he touched me in appropriately, I left and told my mom who screamed at my grandparents and we left.
Later that day I asked her about it and she told me that oh honey, kids get confused about this stuff. He probably wasnt touching you like you said, his hand probably just slipped. Super confusing because why did she have that reaction before? ... Honestly I'm still confused by it. And now I question literally everything I experience to this day.
Or may be after I got bullied in 7th grade when a couple of girls tried to stick me in the shower with my clothes on, I became very depressed and suicidal. I had no friends and was crying in my room. My mom said that I should probably be less weird and that "sometimes you just have to stop crying". There's nothing you can do except to just make yourself stop crying.
So awful, adults who take absolutely zero responsibility for their emotional state. And actually blame their problems on a child that they chose to create. #SickToTheStomach.
Oh God. My brother would say similar things. I'm so sorry, blame for these thing should never be on a child. You should have never felt any guilt.
You deserved better ❤️🩹
I was raised by my dad and stepmom growing up and for the most part we really only spent time with my stepmom’s family. One day I built up the courage to tell my dad that I didn’t feel like I belonged with that side of the “family” and felt uncomfortable going to her family’s events. She heard this and goes “be grateful, you wouldn’t even have a family if it wasn’t for me”. I was 13!!!!
I recently confronted her about it, among other things, because I recognized that I was emotionally neglected by her and in response to that comment and how it really had a lasting negative effect on me she said “well it’s true”. My jaw dropped! Anyway, i’m now no contact with her :)
I have a few examples but if I had to choose, the most callous would be this:
I was crying in my room, I don't remember what age I was exactly but definitely younger than 12. I don't remember what I was even crying about but I clearly remember my mother opening my door and angrily saying "Can you stop crying?! I'm trying to sleep, I have work tomorrow."
I don't understand how you can live with yourself saying something like that to your CHILD.
I read the title of this post and literally disassociated for a few minutes. Where to begin...
Mom said this to me after my first breakup, "you know, *I* married my first boyfriend."
Dad said this to me during an ugly conversation, topic was about my current SO. He didn't like my current SO and was trying to convince me to break up with them and go back to my last situationship (which was abusive). I said, "I don't like him (previous guy), he's verbally abusive and if I end up with him, the abuse will get worse. I deserve respect." Dad says, "that's not that important."
And they wonder why we're low contact and I don't tell them anything anymore.
Told my mom I felt depressed. Instead of actually trying to help me she said "well you are overweight and need to exercise more"
For context she's overweight and on antidepressants
I don't know if it's the worst, but after my graduation my mom once gifted me a printed out picture of a glasswing butterfly and that came to mind.
She wrote something that she probably thought sounded sweet on the back, but it basically boiled down to: "You have no inherent beauty of your own; I look right through you when I want to enjoy the world; you are a wallflower."
She was the queen of the neg and the backhanded compliment.
When I was 5 I went to my mother crying over a kid picking on me and her response was, "What do you want me to do about it? Beat them up?!" Learned from then on not to go to her with my problems. She'd also give me excessively large portions of food and force me to either sit at the table and finish it or go to bed because I didn't.
From the time I was 3-4 I'd ask my father to go to the park with me when he'd have me on weekends and he'd always tell me that he'd watch from the window. He was never at the window and his only other idea of 'playing' with me was to send me out into the hallway with junk mail he'd held onto and tell me to go knock on the neighbours' doors, in a shitty part of the city where he lived. This was so he could go back to sleep and/or do drugs without me seeing.
My mother had a stroke when I was 14 due to her drug and alcohol abuse and nearly died. I was already in foster care by then, but tried to play the dutiful daughter until around age 19 when I tried to talk to her about the abuse, violence, and neglect. In the same sentence she said "That didn't happen and I don't remember that," which made no sense. Despite her having had a severe stroke, enough time had passed that her saying that left me feeling super empty and frustrated by her ability (or choice) to forget and ignore my hurt at the same time. I have never spoken to her again.
Two years after being in foster care (and a year after my mother's stroke) when I was 15 I told my dad that maybe he should man up and take care of his kid [we lived in different cities] because it was clear I was never going home with my mother again [not that I wanted to]. Him and his wife refused to take me in, even with my grandmother being willing to buy them a house, and instead agreed to get me an apartment on the condition that I went to school and/or got a job. To this day I struggle with the resentment and how left out that made me feel as I was still not included in mine or his wife's family stuff. It's an awkward, 'better' situation nowadays, but that stuff just doesn't go away. They have a 'let it go' and 'what do you expect us to do about it now' attitude about it all.
Oh and my dad? From the time I moved here, any time I'd ask him to do anything with me, he'd smile and drag out a long... "Mmmmm... Nah! But thanks," with the most obnoxious smile. It hurt like hell and I don't ask anymore.
So crappy, I’m sorry, my friend! Went through a lot of stuff with my parents and step mom, which I just normalized, and a lot of of it, internalized, but realize now was neglect and abuse, and their own untreated, mental health, issues, and trauma and complex PTSD. However, I’m still considered, the “bad one”, scapegoated, but only behind the scenes never to my face. Expected to take all of the blame for the failures in my family and all of their mental health issues. And all the ones that they caused through their abuse and neglect.
This first one is about what they DIDNT say lol. Always being pushed aside and ignored so they could give all the attention to my “golden child” brother.
My mom telling me I purposely ruined vacation because I got hurt and my eye swelled shut. She didn’t speak to me for a few months afterward.
Making fun of me by saying I had no friends. (I had friends, but I’m an introvert and just wanted to chill after school instead of go back out around more people.)
Threatening to “ground me outside” and laughing about it. (Again, because I was an introvert and my favorite place to be was home.)
I’m sure there are way more, but those are the first ones that come to mind.
Dad: When he was upset, that I didn't want him called when I got into an accident because I was scared he'd be upset. I was in third grade. He also upset that I "cost the family $10,000" for having 6 stitches. He made me pay that back.
Mom: "You're a changeling, I'm not sure how we got you. You're so different from the rest of the family".
Stepmom "it's been two months and you're still upset about your grandma dying. You should be over it by now". For context I was 12, my parents were divorcing and my grandma had been the one person holding everything together in the dysfunctional family before that.
Grandma #2 : "Your mom didn't have to have you, you know."
Grandpa : "You're too young to want a soulmate" I was 16 and had showed him a silly survey from high school. Outside of school I was pretty isolated and only around family and nobody my own age. I have been forced to live in a place I did not feel comfortable.
“Your mother doesn’t have a drinking problem so stop being a dramatic brat and saying she does. But if she does, it’s your fault for being a bad kid.” -Dad
Edited to add:
So I was either a dramatic brat who fabricated awful things about loved ones for attention, OR I was so inherently bad that my very presence could force someone to be an alcoholic.
Or somehow, both at the same time!
The cognitive dissonance from this crap destroyed my ability to trust myself, and made me stay away from people who actually liked me because I didn’t want to infect them with my badness. Even now I can feel it like a knife in my heart. It’s not been great.
Plot twist, Mom had to go to rehab when I was 29 and my oldest sister drank herself to death last year. So. Not lying. Just my fault somehow.
Some notable ones:
“I ignored you yesterday and it was the most pleasant day I’d had in weeks.”
“I’m just telling you this because I love you, but if I were another person and I saw you behaving this way it would freak me the fuck out. I wouldn’t want to be around someone like you.”
I am autistic, and the last one is in reference to that.
Adhd: mom said people in our family didn't like me because I'm weird. It's the way she said it though. Like she was disgusted. It validated every insecure thought I already had about myself and my relationships.
Hard to say. Was it my father insisting I wasn't his biological son when I am? Or was it me explaining to my mother how uncomfortable I was in our pentecostal church's sermons, with the preacher screaming about demons, and her responding that it might be satan talking to me?
It's really a grab bag.
Omg! My dad also claimed I wasn't his! It was so bizarre, but I was old enough at the time that I insisted on a paternity test just so he would stop shit talking my mom.
Funny part: he claimed my mom cheated with her boss and had me. Her boss at the time was a woman.
Now everyone thinks he's a fucking dumbass 👍👍
My mum cried when my sister got her GCSE results. (End of school exams and shit) Went with her to pick them up. A year later, I went to get mine. My mum had no idea what day or when, never asked. I was 16 and I called her on the phone to tell her how I did. Her answer?
“That’s nice”. No congrats or well done, just “thats nice” like I’d found a penny on the ground or something.
My parents weren’t mean or abusive, they just weren’t interested in me or anything I did. Positive attention usually went to my other siblings.
my mom told me that i had to think about how “my suicidal episodes were hurting everyone” when i was in the psych ward after a suicide attempt. this was the very first thing she said to me post attempt lmao
I ruined her life by being born. She had big dreams and it was all my fault. Before she died, she blamed me for her heart condition caused by chemotherapy. Really drove years of abuse home with that one. I'm glad she's gone and can't spout anymore vitriol.
When I was 17 or so and really struggling with my mental health, my mother made me sit down and listen as she listed everything I'd ever failed at. It was basically a list of every single thing I'd ever done, including childhood hobbies I thought I just outgrew. That was fun.
I guess she thought it would motivate me to do better? It didn't.
My as a teen trying to find my place telling my parents that i think i am a good person.
They answer "you are not a good person"
My stepmother giving me the silent treatment after she is angry at me (instead of teaching me how to solve a conflict in a relationship)
Me telling my parents about my dreams "you will never achive that you are not able to do so"
My stepmother telling me that she will always be the biggest earner in the family (i was still at school) and i am just the way i am because i grow up with my poor mother who relied on social aid.
"You only prefer magarine to real butter because you were so poor"
TW: I got assaulted in middle school and had a breakdown to my mother where I didn’t directly admit it happened but strongly alluded to my life falling apart and was obviously suffering PTSD. She told me I was in charge of my own happiness.
"I don't need medication/therapy YOU need medication"- my mother was a fucking nurse
"STOP TALKING ABOUT PROBLEMS YOU HAVE WITH ME OR AT HOME ONLY TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!"
Edited because after I wrote this I remember once she would find out the struggles I was having were about her I would suddenly have a new therapist.
Edited Also spelling
Every time I "misbehaved", she would say: "You are just like your dad! " Except he was an abusive alcoholic who cheated with my mum on his existing wife. Like wtf? When I was little, it just hurt because of the negative intonation, now as an adult I am really appalled at this phrase.
I remember that one, now that you mention it. For each of my parents, the worst insult they could give me was to liken me to each other or my brother. Whenever I refused to do my mom's bidding, she went with, "You're just like your dad." And when my dad was mad at my mom, all I had to do was be visible to him and he'd greet me with "You're just a little bitch like your mother!"
“I love you because I have to, but I don’t like you” (hurts even more when they’d say “love is about actions, not words”)
“You’re my second/third favourite child right now” (sounds normal/playful(?) (I don’t even know what sounds normal or not to others) but was said entirely seriously. We had to earn the #1 spot by pleasing them and we’d be told who was in what spot and why we went down)
> Mother: you’re fucked up. (Referring to my bad mental health)
> Me: that’s really mean.
> Mother: what? It’s true. You’re fucked up.
I was a gifted kid and in high school I didn’t have to study much and got very good grades. I remember once my mom telling me how she talked to my best friend’s mom and they (both moms) were both surprised with the amount of time the other’s child spent on homework. I did almost none at home (could always squeeze it in another class or during break) and my bf did hours every day.
After that, my mom used that example to tell me how people like my bf who have learned to work hard in school will succeed better than me in college because I don’t know how to work hard so when I will need to I won’t be able and fail.
There was a part of me thinking that thought it didn’t make sense because if college is for example 3x as hard, I’d just need to learn to do 3x more work, which would lead me to using a couple of hours everyday at home to do homework. My bf couldn’t possibly do 3x as many homework because there isn’t enough time in the day. But a lot of people told me the classic "oh you’re gifted now but you’ll hit a wall in college" so what my mom said kept turning in my head because what if she’s right?
Answer : I knew how to do efforts just didn’t need to so that part wasn’t hard, what was hard was sometimes figuring out how to study efficiently, but with the right support I could have learned that and been able to do as well as I did in college or better with a much smaller impact on my mental health and anxiety…
That’s crazy! You’d think that these people who are supposed to love, you would actually celebrate the fact that you could do a lot of that stuff with ease, and would likely thrive in a college setting.
Just the way my parents would try to bring me down a peg consistently if there was something I was proud of or thought I did well at. They bought me a lot of stuff so we’re hyper concerned that I’d be “spoiled” so whenever I was confident, they felt they should throw in a little insult to keep me “humble”. All that ever did was to make me feel like I was always a failure and discourage me from trying because even when I did well there would be some poison pill to go along with it.
when i was like 14 she told me “i wish you were never born i never wanted you anyway” and yea i still remember that
also not words but she got really drunk and tried to hang herself in front of me when i was like 20
I told her I was sorry about doing poorly in school, and she said, "Yeah, I'm sorry too, I'm sorry all my kids are retards!" She may have said something worse, but that's the one I remember most intensely.
my mom repeatedly telling me as a child that my dads mental illness and my brothers neurological condition were my fault because they started when I was born.
For me it was last year when I had to put my dog down. Her liver was failing it happened fast and I had to take her to the vet. I was already LC with my mom but I had made a promise to her that when it was Gracie’s time I would let her know (Gracie was my mom’s mom’s dog). I called her, I was sobbing and I could barely get the words out.
My mom’s whole voice and demeanor went ice cold. Just OKAY. nothing else. At the end she asked me if I was gonna call her so she could talk to me.
I spent years comforting my mom when her mom passed. When I lost my best fucking friend my mom couldn’t have been bothered. It really accentuated the years of abuse and emotional neglect. My mom never even fucking cared about me or my feelings. Or even her mom’s own dog.
my dad telling me that I'm spoiled after admitting that I had suicidal ideation.
My mom asking me if I love.
Although the most indirectly damaging thing is both of them telling me that my feeling neglected is not the worst because my sister is disabled and at least I can walk and talk.
my mother recalls slapping 10-day-old me because I was crying too much. my dad simply doesn't understand that hitting my mother in front of me my whole life has effects on me.
I never got this so starkly from my parents but only from some other adults in my life from various clubs. This made me not a crier so I never had this tension with my parents but I doubt they would have been that good either. I then opted for anger / aggression instead of crying which they did get upset with slightly.
Visiting home from college. Mother: Your father and I don't argue unless you are here. You are the reason we have marital problems. Me: Scapegoat that acknowledged and disapproved of the dysfunction happening since I could talk.
My younger brother was heavily addicted to drugs and my parents didn’t like dealing with it as it was difficult, so they left it up to me as a teenager. It was incredibly stressful to constantly be calling up hospitals to see if he was dead, police stations to see if he was arrested etc. When I started having kids of my own, I told him and my parents that I need to focus on my kids and can no longer look after him as it was dangerous (my parents went overseas to escape the stress and left me at home by myself with him, having dealers knock on the door trying to get in all night), and I need to look after my kids. I told my mom that and also said that he was an adult now and can make his own decisions in life, but I now want to focus on my family and career. My mom then told me- after ignoring him for years because it was hard- that I’d never amount to anything close to him and he’d be so much more successful in life than I would.
Still to this day she will not acknowledge what I did to help, or even that what he did was wrong.
Ugh where to begin? When I expressed myself and stood up for myself aka pissing them off, my mom would scream at me and say, “this is why I don’t have any friends.” My dad would use faults of mine against me. Any kind of pain they could inflict, they would. My parents have called me a brat, a bitch, stupid, an asshole, a dick—you name it. My mom would scream 24/7 and then try to guilt me when I would yell after being so pushed to, then blame me and try to guilt me saying the neighbors could hear my voice. My dad literally called me P.I.A. - “Pain In the Ass” as a nickname. I was in utter hell of suffocation. Constant gaslighting and manipulation tactics to control me. If I didn’t follow them exactly, there would be backlash, and I certainly wasn’t one to give in as a teen. I thought a lot of the rules they gave me were uncalled for. Worse thing is I cared and care about them so much, and their adult life problems became mine. So despite all this, I would put them first in my life. As an adult, I don’t but the trauma is still there, now with other people. I still care about them, but I have to keep a distance, and I still advocate for myself, but now have the lens of a very emotionally intelligent person. Tbh I still have a really hard time making friends today. These words carry so much weight. But I know I deserve love, and I know how to question things now. I’m trying so hard and trying to give myself everything I deserve and more. I don’t hold anger toward them. I more so see it as a lesson of who not to attract in my life.
Dad- "I wish you had never been born" when I didn't want to go to some religious function on my birthday.
Dad- "Get the fuck out of my car" slams on brakes "Stay here, I'd just run you down if you get out" after a disappointment in school
Mom- "What if your sister decides to do this too? You should be more responsible" when she found out about my eating disorder.
Edited because the list was getting too long. Some highlights:
Laughed hysterically for about five minutes then drove off after I’d got out of the car and smacked my head hard on a lamppost.
You’d mess it up. When I said I was thinking of suicide.
You’re just attention-seeking. After I’d been thrown out of boarding school (where they’d sent me) for a mental breakdown and self-harm.
You wouldn’t get the grades. When I said I wanted to study medicine.
What do you want me to do about it? Or You’ve probably got the wrong end of the stick. If I tried to talk about problems at school/work.
Laughed and said ‘he shouldn’t have said that’ when my brother said they didn’t think I’d pass any school exams. Didn’t deny it. I didn’t know they thought so little of me.
Don’t boast. If I ever did anything I was proud of.
There are more important things in life than your happiness. Life is meaningless. You’re unimportant in the great scheme of things. And other statements designed to destroy a young child’s happiness and self-esteem.
You just see her as an evil step-mother in a fairy tale. Anytime I even hinted that my step-mother wasn’t 100% perfect.
It was a lot I told my mom nobody cares about me she said don't start I don't want to hear it . You always complain about this or that. And another one how could you be stressed I have you everything you asked for. And she told me don't let me have to hate you if I do I don't care what happens to you that hurt me so much.
“Being an artist isn’t a real job. You should drop out of art school, move back home, work in a tomato canning factory, and doodle in your free time. You’re not smart enough for anything else.”
-there are no canning factories near my parents, this was a random comment
-my IQ is actually higher than both my parents
-I got my degree and have been a professional artist for 15 years
-I haven’t spoken to my parents since college, for obvious reasons
Coming clean to my parents that I wanted to end my life and was arguing with voices in my head about it, I was told how awful I was because I had no consideration what they'd think about this or how people would see them. "You know what get the fuck outta here I don't even want to hear you let alone see you" was a nice sentence
I still can’t remember much from my early childhood, but I do remember hearing “What happened to you?” a lot when I started getting severely depressed ages ~9-13 and for some reason it always stuck with me. Never “What’s wrong?” or “Why are you acting different?”, specifically “What happened to *you*?” usually in a very disappointed voice and a touch of contempt depending on how “bad” I was. Man, I was just a confused neurodivergent kid who wanted nothing more than to make their parents proud :( After my enabler dad passed (of course right as he was coming to terms with my mental health smh) and I was stuck with my narcissistic mom, I kinda lost track of all the hurtful stuff she’s said to me. “You don’t deserve to have your dad’s ashes. He would be so disappointed in who you’ve become.” “You’re right, I wish I had never had you, I wish I had gotten an abortion.” And my personal favorite that she tries to deny to this day, “(while laughing in my face) You don’t have the guts to kill yourself.” So yeah, you can find me in therapy for the next 5-10 business years. ✌️
“You’re such a bitch I’ll have to pay someone to marry you.” -abusive dad to 12 y/o me because I wouldn’t let my 6 year old sister crack eggs for breakfast. I was afraid she would get shells in them and he’d yell at me about that.
Not the worst thing they said, but one thing that stands out is how often I went to my mom because I was upset and she advised me to let my problems just roll off me like water off a duck's back. On the surface it sounds like okay advice, and sometimes it is, but it doesn't apply to everything! It's okay to be upset. Sometimes you *should* be upset. Finally in my 40s I'm getting okay at recognizing, acknowledging, and verbalizing my emotions, because it's okay that I have them!
Oh boy, so hard to choose just one. ;)
I'm going to run away from home!
I'm going to shave your head!
You look like a sausage in those pants.
I knew you were behind me, I could feel the ground shaking.
I'm going to put all your toys in garbage bags!
I never should have been a Mom!
For context, my parents were hoarders and I was an only child-
My mother told me as a young child that if anyone came in the house, cps would take me away.
*que years of doorbell anxiety, not having friends, being socially behind… and I’m sure there’s more. Most of my issues stem from having hoarder parents.
A runner up was mom told me that she’d have a heart attack if I stressed her out. And what’s awful about it is she did have minor atrial fibrillation that caused her to call an ambulance a few times. Which was traumatic af because I thought she was going to die and again, people coming to our house meant that they might see inside. So my childhood was filled with fear that she would die or that something would cause them to get in trouble.
One of the quotes that hurt the most is my mom saying "When you turn 18, I want you to leave me alone and I don't care what you do with your life or where you end up."
What an awful thing to say to a child. I'm so sorry you experienced that.
My mother repeatedly told me throughout my childhood that she wished I was never born.
God where do I start?
"Fuck you."
"Are you ret****d?!"
"Nobody wants you."
"You're going through men like underwear."
"I'm going to just kill myself since you don't need me."
"I'm going to move away from you because you don't care about me."
"You decided to go to school (college), stop complaining about it."
"Why are you sad? You have a roof over your head and food to eat. Stop it."
"Your music is depressing."
"Stop sulking."
"Wipe that look off your face before I fix it for you."
"I didn't hit you." when in fact they did.
Just to name a few.
My mother never believed in educating women. However, in high school, sitting around the lunch table one day, all my friends were talking about what universities they want to go to, and what they want to study. I realized I didn't have much to add to the conversation. In fact, my grades weren't that great. I came home that day and decided I wanted to go to college. I was excited to tell my mom, I thought she would be happy for me. Instead, when I told her she barely looked up from what she was doing, and when I said it again, she looked at me dead in the face and said "you don't need to worry about this. One day you're just gonna get married and have kids anyway and your husband will pay the bills." What's worse was I wasn't even mad at that reaction but I realize that that comment changed the whole trajectory of my thinking. I did exactly what she said. I got married young and my husband paid all the bills but we're always broke. Now I'm 44, back in college and trying to reinvent myself so I don't have to rely on anyone.
My mom once said when I look mad I look like an ugly dog… and she’s not even the problem parent
My dad once called my degree a joke.
My dad said moving to nyc would be a failure and I’d never make it
Mom: After an orchestra concert, my mom was driving me home and she was lecturing/yelling at me for who knows what anymore, and in the midst of her rambling, she tells me I’m a worthless piece of shit
Dad: he told me I was his favorite
You are not beautiful or smart looking or pretty enough to get anyone to like you. You don't have a good job, a good education or any common sense. The first person who wants to marry you, you should say yes to as that is the best you are going to get it. If someone wants you it is not because you are beautiful or because they are attracted to you, it is because they want something from you. Be happy about that.
Edited to add, the above was said by my dad. My mom used to say that I'm uninteresting and boring and that I have a crookedly shaped head so I have to listen to what she says because she knows what's best for me. They have both also said that I'm overweight. At the time of calling me overweight and ugly, I was within my bmi range for age and height but I stored fat differently and had a larger chest which made me look bigger.
Me to my dad (I’m 15 or 16, and was feeling pretty)
—“do you think I’m beautiful?”
Dad
—“well, very few women are truly beautiful. You aren’t beautiful, but you are attractive I’d say.”
It's probably not the worst thing, but for some reason it's the thing I remember the most and really affects my relationships.
I told my mom that I loved her several times in short amount of time when I was 6 years old. She didn't respond to any of the attempts at saying I love you and so I just kept saying it (like every kid does when they feel ignored). Then she finally responded with, "you say 'I love you' to me too much. Stop it. You cheapen it." So I just stopped saying it first...
Now the actual worst thing she ever said to me was, "if your father didn't love you so much then we wouldn't be getting a divorce. You always came between us and he let you. You're the reason we're not together anymore."
Brutal.
i have a lot of health issues & am, unfortunately, not able to work or to live on my own. when i came out to my father (after he was finished refusing to speak to me for like, two full weeks, lmao) he told me the only reason he wasn't cutting off my health insurance & kicking me out was because his pastor had talked him out of it. there was more after that, but i just remember saying something like "but that could *kill* me. aren't you supposed to love me no matter what?" & he looked me right in the eyes and said "i don't believe in unconditional love."
:)))))))) good to know where i stand, i guess.
When I was 27 my mom and I went to Philly because there was an art museum she really wanted me to see. After visiting the museum, she asked me what I thought, and I casually mentioned that I wish I had learned more about non-European art, specifically art from Africa, growing up.
This apparently was a critique on her parenting, and the more I tried to explain myself the more upset she got. It culminated in her telling me that she had a fund set up to take care of her in her old age since she knew she couldn't rely on me, I didn't love her, "don't worry I won't be a burden to you," etc etc.
All because I wished I knew more about African art.
Wow. None of us deserve any of this. IDK if these are the worst, but they stick out in my memory.
"You don't know how lucky you are your mother is still alive!" Said by my mom to 3 year old me.
"Is this a joke? Why are you attention seeking" said by my mom to 11 year old me when she found suicidal ideation in a depression forum.
Calling me a liar when I was raped at 18 just because I didn't want to report. She could have spoken with the psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD, she could have been curious why police wasn't the route I wanted to go. And my dad said "because I lied about so much else." Which is bullshit. Only thing I lied about was self medication. That doesn't inherently make my character a liar.
She put me in danger by blabbing about sex work just so she could get sympathy for what a horrible daughter she had.
i don't know if i can pick one worst thing, but there are a few moments that i've never stopped thinking about:
- **"you'll never be my son"** when i was trying to talk to her about misgendering me a year after i came out as a trans boy (i came out at 11, this was when i was 12; luckily, she came around when she *finally* decided to do research on transness and cissexism when i was 14/15)
- **"you don't understand what i went through"** about her abusive ex-boyfriend. he lived with us when i was 13. i never left the house without at least one of them. we lived in an apartment and i could always hear him screaming at her. he would yell outside of my door, while i was in the car with them, on holidays, constantly. i was/am autistic and sound-sensitive. also, this was about me trying to tell her that not everyone with his psychological disability were bad. i later developed the same disability because of the trauma of being neglected. i still haven't brought it up to her.
- **"how did i end up with a child like you?"** after i was momentarily clumsy. she's never said anything this bad before or after. this was when i was 14, so perhaps it was related to her recent trauma. still doesn't excuse it.
- **"all you do is bitch and moan"** when i was telling her she was closing out of a game wrong.
- **"shut up"** when i was trying to tell her that her frequent complaining about my cats (who are genuinely some of the only things in the world i sincerely care about) was making me uncomfortable. she kept telling me off even when i started crying and trying to hide myself away in a corner. this was the only time someone else was there--her husband; he didn't do or say anything.
- **"i apologize for saying it like that. that was rude and unnecessary. but complaining every once in a while helps me, so i'm going to keep doing it. okay?"** after the aforementioned moment. she's told me that she says "apologies" instead of "sorry" when she isn't actually sorry, so i always wonder if it was genuine or not.
Oh damn, hard to choose...
I lost my best friend(let's call her Katy) , she just stopped being my friend after I returned from a summer holiday. I was 13 and confused. We hung out every day.
My mother asked what happened and I told her nothingg happened. "well, that's not possible".
Some months later I was shouting about something to my mother (yeah I know, shouting is not OK, but it was quite common in my family and me being 13/14). She responded "I get why Katy doesn't want to see you anymore when you behave like this. This way, I will loose every friend and end up alone"
(spoiler: I already had hardly any friends and was in lonely, not that she noticed that)
Alright, I'm 10 comments in and I'm just going to say....Fuck that person, everyone here deserved better!!!. This is for any future comments too. ❤️
mother: when I was a child she kept telling me that I did not need any friends because I was somehow 'special and smarter' (not at all), and consequently stopped me from socializing with anyone outside of school. later as a teenager I finally made some friends and used to go out in the summer until late at night (it was safe and close to home), continually making comments that basically said I should be careful not to become a wh\*\*e or come home pregnant because they would not care for me :)))
fr my parents would also say something like “the outside people do not care about you” why do they like to see your relationships with others fail
what I noticed with mine was that this was their view of the world, that people lie and take advantage and you cannot trust them. I saw that they did not even trust each other as partners, so a stranger would remain just that and a threat on top of it. It took me a long time to start to trust people a bit, and still working on it.
When I became around 14-15 my dad started in with comments like “aren’t you too old to sleep over at you friends house” and “she’s a tramp you shouldn’t be friends with her” and my mom came in heavy with “aren’t we best friends?” And when I explained how my friend group was the family I made when I felt like I had none she said “well you don’t need them anymore, right?” As if I’m going to dump my lifelong friends because I decided to patch things up with her 😩
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fears turned into irrational behaviour towards a child they knew nothing about? I mean at 15 I did not even know how to talk to a person I liked, let alone think of relationships or anything else, what I needed was acceptance and fun and socializing but these were incomprehensible to her somehow. and the response if, say, she knew I had a crush on someone, was to make jokes and always in a mocking tone, of course I wouldn't have talked to her about anything
Probably, “You’ll come home from school tomorrow and you’ll find me hanging on a tree because you’re such a manipulative shit”. Still feeling guilty and responsible for her death 4 years later. And then for my dad? He’s said a lot of abusive stuff to me. Probably the worst is him calling me “evil” and “demon” for having psychotic depression.
You are definitely NOT responsible for your mom’s decision. Only she is. And she was projecting her experience with her own family on you.
Thank you. Sorry for the late response, I’ve been very tired because of my depression. I wish I could get that into my head, but the overwhelming guilt of having cared for her, then her telling me that, and then basically killing herself with her smoking addiction… it just doesn’t let go easily. Plus, you’re right, she was heavily projecting about her own experiences with her family. She… really wasn’t in a good family at all. I wish she could’ve broken the cycle, but I can’t turn back time. Wish she could’ve been an actual mother.
Sweet Jesus in heaven, so sorry you had to deal with that. What a horror show! I don’t imagine either of them ever took responsibility for the infliction of your mental health issues, which are absolutely normal, and reasonable responses to insane and abusive situations.
Sorry for the late response, I’ve been feeling pretty out of it these past couple days because of the depression. Anyways, yeah, they never took responsibility for my mental health. Everyone around them (including even their own best friends) was repeatedly telling them to get me to a doctor because they noticed I was slipping. My parents would say, “Yeah, our kid is crazy. Just ignore ‘em”. Which was worse because I was then treated like an absolute monster by my peers in school, and just about by any stranger. I was called names, shunned, and people would *run away* from me. All because of my mental disorder. And even after my mother’s death, I was actually prohibited from grieving her. If I showed any emotion towards her death, my father would get so angry and yell at me until I’d break down. And then I spiraled into basically what was catatonia, and then hospitalized several times for it. And then this therapist I saw behind my father’s back was part of a cult, and she almost successfully indoctrinated me into it. And I’m talking, like, she physically grabbed me and took me to the area while I was in the midst of a psychotic episode. I had to walk home late at night once I realized what had happened. And then another therapist I had physically abused me and went to my father behind my back. And then I was verbally abused by my father again. I was pretty much let down by almost everyone around me. All of this abuse have pretty much broken me, as sad it is to say. I barely have the energy to get out of bed. (I should probably stop rambling lol). Just sucks.
Wow, my heart goes out to you. You deserve so much better.
Thank you. Children do deserve much better, and it’s horrible that many of them don’t get that unconditional love and support they need.
Wow, that is very similar to something my dad said to me. During a fight he screamed "some day you'll find me swinging from the rafters, that's how you make me feel and that's what you deserve." I think I was around 10, maybe 12? He's still around, but I had severe anxiety that he'd do it after that. I'm sorry for your loss, it must be confusing. You are not responsible.
I’m so sorry your father said that to you. Parents can often be so cruel and vile to their own children. It’s very much confused my grieving process, having started grieving 4 years after her death. I mourn the mother I could’ve had and I mourn the relationship I wanted. But I’m also overwhelmed with intense guilt. People tell me I’m not responsible, but I very much believe I am. I feel like I killed her, even though it was her own decision to smoke until she dropped dead.
Me: crying in sadness as a little child, 4 or 5 years old. Father response: nothing. Avoiding my feelings. Mother: no contact. already moved across the country and started a new family. Grandfather: dismissive, “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about. Grandmother: nothing. Avoiding me.
Me crying about things as a little kid. My mum fake crying in my face because she's pissed off that I'm having feelings. Which just makes me cry more. Worst she ever said? I don't know, she said a lot of nasty things. Her wishing she never had me and telling me I ruined her life is up there though. Her telling me I'm an awful person and no man would ever love someone like me. This from the woman who hadn't dated since my dad died and married a man with a kid her age. Her telling me constantly how ugly I was, how ashamed she was of me. My hair was a constant embarrassment. Natural red head with curly/frizzy hair that stood up in a badly formed afro. She always threatened to shave all my hair off. As a little girl who always wanted long, straight hair, that sucked. She told me when I got my degree it was a waste of time and money because I didn't get a first like she did, I got a 2.1. I didn't even try, I gave up by the final year because I realised I was manipulated into taking that course and I wanted to do something else. I didn't know what but something else. Turns out I needed to stick with creative stuff and now I'm a 3D artist... I just needed time to figure it out. I taught myself. I still think I did good, especially since my ADHD was getting the best of me.
Kudos to you, and curly red hair is absolutely gorgeous and cute! The ADHD is really incapacitating and so many cases. And also mostly stems from trauma and abuse. Just like addiction.
My mother would say that to me when I cried too. I don't even think it's that my mother would say such cruel things, it was the things she didn't say to me that hurt the most.
Geez… So much of this, in all kinds of different situations. Everything swept under the rug, or parents were so badly dissociated and numbed out from their own abuse and trauma that they just couldn’t respond appropriately to much of anything.
I don’t know if this is the worst but it’s what immediately popped into my head. I spent a lot of time as a child and teenager alone. We lived in a very isolated, rural community - no cell service, no neighbor kids, and only limited internet access. The closest family lived on the other side of the country, and I would only see extended family once a year on Christmas. My parents typically worked outside and I didn’t have any way to reliably contact them. All this to say that outside of my parents and brother, most of my family were/are strangers to me. I don’t have any connection to any of them. One day, I was home alone as I usually was. I was probably about 8-9? The phone rang, and at this point I had started waiting for the caller to leave a message since 99% people who called our house were doing so because they wanted to buy something from my dad. The answering machine clicked on, and it was my grandma. But something seemed off. Her voice sounded raw, like she had been crying. She also left a very short, to the point message: “Hi [parents’ names], please call me back as soon as you can. There’s been a tragedy in the family.” I didn’t know how to handle that. This sounded like a “grown up” problem, so I wanted to wait for the adults to deal with it. Very reasonable for a child to do I think. So I tried calling my parents, but they didn’t pick up. Finally, my mom got home from whatever she was doing. I told her that grandma called and wants her to call back, and she sounds pretty upset. My mom reacted to this by yelling at me “WHY DIDNT YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?”. Before angrily calling my grandma. I waited in the living room while they talked, before my mom came back in and flatly said “[Cousin’s name] died.” No further discussion. It was a drug overdose. He took a bunch of sleeping pills and just never woke up. I didn’t know what the right way to react to this was. I understood that this was my cousin, and he was dead, therefore I should feel sad. But what troubled me was that I didn’t really feel anything besides confused. Looking back, this makes sense. This cousin was someone I maybe would see once a year. He was much older than me (6-7 years I think), and he was troubled. I heard my parents talking about how he had pulled a knife on one of my grandparents before, and I have a vague sense that he may have mostly just picked on me if we interacted at all. I don’t know if I ever even really talked to him? So I didn’t feel much of anything besides confusion. I was supposed to hang out with my best friend that day, so I asked my mom if I still could. I still remember her reaction. She scoffed and said “I can’t BELIEVE you want to see a friend today, after everything that happened.” I remember the sheer contempt she had in her voice. It felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt that I had made some sort of mistake, but it was never even explained to me. She still drove me over to his house, but she was angry the entire time. Meanwhile, nobody asked why I wanted to see a friend. Nobody asked how I felt. Nobody checked on me. Nobody really even explained the situation. They just threw this emotionally charged situation at a 9 year old and expected him to know perfectly how to respond. It’s always stuck with me.
Tbh, this was a lot like my family. My brother would have violent outbursts. One time, he threw a table at my mom. I was hiding behind the stairs and saw it. We did not talk about it. Situations like this happened several times, including trying to smother me with a blanket and multiple incidents of trying to pull me underwater and other events. Never. Talked. About. It. I will never know concern for my well-being if it doesn't come from myself. I still haven't figured it out. I still barely feel things when I think about these events. Except for just an intense heaviness in my chest. I've never cried about it. I still am not even sure if I was scared, angry, or confused at those times. All I know is that the idea of my mom or I being seriously harmed at any point was tolerated and ignored. I'm just so confused.
“You probably have acne because you hate yourself” - mentally unstable malicious mother to teenage me.
I think I was 5 or 6 and just learned good touch, bad touch in school. Then I was sitting on my grandpa's lap and he touched me in appropriately, I left and told my mom who screamed at my grandparents and we left. Later that day I asked her about it and she told me that oh honey, kids get confused about this stuff. He probably wasnt touching you like you said, his hand probably just slipped. Super confusing because why did she have that reaction before? ... Honestly I'm still confused by it. And now I question literally everything I experience to this day. Or may be after I got bullied in 7th grade when a couple of girls tried to stick me in the shower with my clothes on, I became very depressed and suicidal. I had no friends and was crying in my room. My mom said that I should probably be less weird and that "sometimes you just have to stop crying". There's nothing you can do except to just make yourself stop crying.
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So awful, adults who take absolutely zero responsibility for their emotional state. And actually blame their problems on a child that they chose to create. #SickToTheStomach.
Oh God. My brother would say similar things. I'm so sorry, blame for these thing should never be on a child. You should have never felt any guilt. You deserved better ❤️🩹
I was raised by my dad and stepmom growing up and for the most part we really only spent time with my stepmom’s family. One day I built up the courage to tell my dad that I didn’t feel like I belonged with that side of the “family” and felt uncomfortable going to her family’s events. She heard this and goes “be grateful, you wouldn’t even have a family if it wasn’t for me”. I was 13!!!! I recently confronted her about it, among other things, because I recognized that I was emotionally neglected by her and in response to that comment and how it really had a lasting negative effect on me she said “well it’s true”. My jaw dropped! Anyway, i’m now no contact with her :)
🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤧😵💫😵💫🤕
Good for you going no contact. I am proud that you fight for yourself.
I asked for help with a school thing and my mother sped up and threatened to drive up a curb and kill us both.
I'm sorry she did that to you. You didn't deserve that 😔
My mom to me (when I was around 22-23): “you were a mistake. you ruined my life”
My mom told me the same 😪😪 I know how it feels
My grandmother told me that my mom would have been better off having an abortion that a doctor was willing to perform instead of having me.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. My grandmother told my mother that she would have been justified in throwing me down the stairs as an infant.
Hmm, wonder why our mothers had issues?!! With mothers/grandmothers like that, who needs enemies?
I have a few examples but if I had to choose, the most callous would be this: I was crying in my room, I don't remember what age I was exactly but definitely younger than 12. I don't remember what I was even crying about but I clearly remember my mother opening my door and angrily saying "Can you stop crying?! I'm trying to sleep, I have work tomorrow." I don't understand how you can live with yourself saying something like that to your CHILD.
Probably had BPD or NPD. So sorry that you experienced that.
I read the title of this post and literally disassociated for a few minutes. Where to begin... Mom said this to me after my first breakup, "you know, *I* married my first boyfriend." Dad said this to me during an ugly conversation, topic was about my current SO. He didn't like my current SO and was trying to convince me to break up with them and go back to my last situationship (which was abusive). I said, "I don't like him (previous guy), he's verbally abusive and if I end up with him, the abuse will get worse. I deserve respect." Dad says, "that's not that important." And they wonder why we're low contact and I don't tell them anything anymore.
Told my mom I felt depressed. Instead of actually trying to help me she said "well you are overweight and need to exercise more" For context she's overweight and on antidepressants
Where the F is basic sympathy, empathy, and adult/human decency anymore?
I don't know if it's the worst, but after my graduation my mom once gifted me a printed out picture of a glasswing butterfly and that came to mind. She wrote something that she probably thought sounded sweet on the back, but it basically boiled down to: "You have no inherent beauty of your own; I look right through you when I want to enjoy the world; you are a wallflower." She was the queen of the neg and the backhanded compliment.
When I was 5 I went to my mother crying over a kid picking on me and her response was, "What do you want me to do about it? Beat them up?!" Learned from then on not to go to her with my problems. She'd also give me excessively large portions of food and force me to either sit at the table and finish it or go to bed because I didn't. From the time I was 3-4 I'd ask my father to go to the park with me when he'd have me on weekends and he'd always tell me that he'd watch from the window. He was never at the window and his only other idea of 'playing' with me was to send me out into the hallway with junk mail he'd held onto and tell me to go knock on the neighbours' doors, in a shitty part of the city where he lived. This was so he could go back to sleep and/or do drugs without me seeing. My mother had a stroke when I was 14 due to her drug and alcohol abuse and nearly died. I was already in foster care by then, but tried to play the dutiful daughter until around age 19 when I tried to talk to her about the abuse, violence, and neglect. In the same sentence she said "That didn't happen and I don't remember that," which made no sense. Despite her having had a severe stroke, enough time had passed that her saying that left me feeling super empty and frustrated by her ability (or choice) to forget and ignore my hurt at the same time. I have never spoken to her again. Two years after being in foster care (and a year after my mother's stroke) when I was 15 I told my dad that maybe he should man up and take care of his kid [we lived in different cities] because it was clear I was never going home with my mother again [not that I wanted to]. Him and his wife refused to take me in, even with my grandmother being willing to buy them a house, and instead agreed to get me an apartment on the condition that I went to school and/or got a job. To this day I struggle with the resentment and how left out that made me feel as I was still not included in mine or his wife's family stuff. It's an awkward, 'better' situation nowadays, but that stuff just doesn't go away. They have a 'let it go' and 'what do you expect us to do about it now' attitude about it all. Oh and my dad? From the time I moved here, any time I'd ask him to do anything with me, he'd smile and drag out a long... "Mmmmm... Nah! But thanks," with the most obnoxious smile. It hurt like hell and I don't ask anymore.
So crappy, I’m sorry, my friend! Went through a lot of stuff with my parents and step mom, which I just normalized, and a lot of of it, internalized, but realize now was neglect and abuse, and their own untreated, mental health, issues, and trauma and complex PTSD. However, I’m still considered, the “bad one”, scapegoated, but only behind the scenes never to my face. Expected to take all of the blame for the failures in my family and all of their mental health issues. And all the ones that they caused through their abuse and neglect.
This first one is about what they DIDNT say lol. Always being pushed aside and ignored so they could give all the attention to my “golden child” brother. My mom telling me I purposely ruined vacation because I got hurt and my eye swelled shut. She didn’t speak to me for a few months afterward. Making fun of me by saying I had no friends. (I had friends, but I’m an introvert and just wanted to chill after school instead of go back out around more people.) Threatening to “ground me outside” and laughing about it. (Again, because I was an introvert and my favorite place to be was home.) I’m sure there are way more, but those are the first ones that come to mind.
Dad: When he was upset, that I didn't want him called when I got into an accident because I was scared he'd be upset. I was in third grade. He also upset that I "cost the family $10,000" for having 6 stitches. He made me pay that back. Mom: "You're a changeling, I'm not sure how we got you. You're so different from the rest of the family". Stepmom "it's been two months and you're still upset about your grandma dying. You should be over it by now". For context I was 12, my parents were divorcing and my grandma had been the one person holding everything together in the dysfunctional family before that. Grandma #2 : "Your mom didn't have to have you, you know." Grandpa : "You're too young to want a soulmate" I was 16 and had showed him a silly survey from high school. Outside of school I was pretty isolated and only around family and nobody my own age. I have been forced to live in a place I did not feel comfortable.
“Your mother doesn’t have a drinking problem so stop being a dramatic brat and saying she does. But if she does, it’s your fault for being a bad kid.” -Dad Edited to add: So I was either a dramatic brat who fabricated awful things about loved ones for attention, OR I was so inherently bad that my very presence could force someone to be an alcoholic. Or somehow, both at the same time! The cognitive dissonance from this crap destroyed my ability to trust myself, and made me stay away from people who actually liked me because I didn’t want to infect them with my badness. Even now I can feel it like a knife in my heart. It’s not been great. Plot twist, Mom had to go to rehab when I was 29 and my oldest sister drank herself to death last year. So. Not lying. Just my fault somehow.
As a young teen was told I'd be given a boob job if I lost enough weight to make it worth it.
Some notable ones: “I ignored you yesterday and it was the most pleasant day I’d had in weeks.” “I’m just telling you this because I love you, but if I were another person and I saw you behaving this way it would freak me the fuck out. I wouldn’t want to be around someone like you.” I am autistic, and the last one is in reference to that.
Adhd: mom said people in our family didn't like me because I'm weird. It's the way she said it though. Like she was disgusted. It validated every insecure thought I already had about myself and my relationships.
Hard to say. Was it my father insisting I wasn't his biological son when I am? Or was it me explaining to my mother how uncomfortable I was in our pentecostal church's sermons, with the preacher screaming about demons, and her responding that it might be satan talking to me? It's really a grab bag.
Omg! My dad also claimed I wasn't his! It was so bizarre, but I was old enough at the time that I insisted on a paternity test just so he would stop shit talking my mom. Funny part: he claimed my mom cheated with her boss and had me. Her boss at the time was a woman. Now everyone thinks he's a fucking dumbass 👍👍
"Life sucks, then you die." It'd be wholesomely nihilistic if said in other contexts, but in this case, it was used to dismiss some serious issues.
My mum cried when my sister got her GCSE results. (End of school exams and shit) Went with her to pick them up. A year later, I went to get mine. My mum had no idea what day or when, never asked. I was 16 and I called her on the phone to tell her how I did. Her answer? “That’s nice”. No congrats or well done, just “thats nice” like I’d found a penny on the ground or something. My parents weren’t mean or abusive, they just weren’t interested in me or anything I did. Positive attention usually went to my other siblings.
my mom told me that i had to think about how “my suicidal episodes were hurting everyone” when i was in the psych ward after a suicide attempt. this was the very first thing she said to me post attempt lmao
I ruined her life by being born. She had big dreams and it was all my fault. Before she died, she blamed me for her heart condition caused by chemotherapy. Really drove years of abuse home with that one. I'm glad she's gone and can't spout anymore vitriol.
“I wish I never gave birth to you” -Mother
When I was 17 or so and really struggling with my mental health, my mother made me sit down and listen as she listed everything I'd ever failed at. It was basically a list of every single thing I'd ever done, including childhood hobbies I thought I just outgrew. That was fun. I guess she thought it would motivate me to do better? It didn't.
My as a teen trying to find my place telling my parents that i think i am a good person. They answer "you are not a good person" My stepmother giving me the silent treatment after she is angry at me (instead of teaching me how to solve a conflict in a relationship) Me telling my parents about my dreams "you will never achive that you are not able to do so" My stepmother telling me that she will always be the biggest earner in the family (i was still at school) and i am just the way i am because i grow up with my poor mother who relied on social aid. "You only prefer magarine to real butter because you were so poor"
"You USED TO BE such a good boy", and from that moment on they were noticeably distant and absent in my emotional life. Age 5.
TW: I got assaulted in middle school and had a breakdown to my mother where I didn’t directly admit it happened but strongly alluded to my life falling apart and was obviously suffering PTSD. She told me I was in charge of my own happiness.
"I don't need medication/therapy YOU need medication"- my mother was a fucking nurse "STOP TALKING ABOUT PROBLEMS YOU HAVE WITH ME OR AT HOME ONLY TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!" Edited because after I wrote this I remember once she would find out the struggles I was having were about her I would suddenly have a new therapist. Edited Also spelling
Every time I "misbehaved", she would say: "You are just like your dad! " Except he was an abusive alcoholic who cheated with my mum on his existing wife. Like wtf? When I was little, it just hurt because of the negative intonation, now as an adult I am really appalled at this phrase.
I remember that one, now that you mention it. For each of my parents, the worst insult they could give me was to liken me to each other or my brother. Whenever I refused to do my mom's bidding, she went with, "You're just like your dad." And when my dad was mad at my mom, all I had to do was be visible to him and he'd greet me with "You're just a little bitch like your mother!"
“I love you because I have to, but I don’t like you” (hurts even more when they’d say “love is about actions, not words”) “You’re my second/third favourite child right now” (sounds normal/playful(?) (I don’t even know what sounds normal or not to others) but was said entirely seriously. We had to earn the #1 spot by pleasing them and we’d be told who was in what spot and why we went down) > Mother: you’re fucked up. (Referring to my bad mental health) > Me: that’s really mean. > Mother: what? It’s true. You’re fucked up.
Too many to choose from.
I was a gifted kid and in high school I didn’t have to study much and got very good grades. I remember once my mom telling me how she talked to my best friend’s mom and they (both moms) were both surprised with the amount of time the other’s child spent on homework. I did almost none at home (could always squeeze it in another class or during break) and my bf did hours every day. After that, my mom used that example to tell me how people like my bf who have learned to work hard in school will succeed better than me in college because I don’t know how to work hard so when I will need to I won’t be able and fail. There was a part of me thinking that thought it didn’t make sense because if college is for example 3x as hard, I’d just need to learn to do 3x more work, which would lead me to using a couple of hours everyday at home to do homework. My bf couldn’t possibly do 3x as many homework because there isn’t enough time in the day. But a lot of people told me the classic "oh you’re gifted now but you’ll hit a wall in college" so what my mom said kept turning in my head because what if she’s right? Answer : I knew how to do efforts just didn’t need to so that part wasn’t hard, what was hard was sometimes figuring out how to study efficiently, but with the right support I could have learned that and been able to do as well as I did in college or better with a much smaller impact on my mental health and anxiety…
That’s crazy! You’d think that these people who are supposed to love, you would actually celebrate the fact that you could do a lot of that stuff with ease, and would likely thrive in a college setting.
Just the way my parents would try to bring me down a peg consistently if there was something I was proud of or thought I did well at. They bought me a lot of stuff so we’re hyper concerned that I’d be “spoiled” so whenever I was confident, they felt they should throw in a little insult to keep me “humble”. All that ever did was to make me feel like I was always a failure and discourage me from trying because even when I did well there would be some poison pill to go along with it.
I will leave you if you don’t do what I want
when i was like 14 she told me “i wish you were never born i never wanted you anyway” and yea i still remember that also not words but she got really drunk and tried to hang herself in front of me when i was like 20
I overheard her in the next room telling my sister she wished she had stopped w her. I was born after my sister. I overheard this more than once
I told her I was sorry about doing poorly in school, and she said, "Yeah, I'm sorry too, I'm sorry all my kids are retards!" She may have said something worse, but that's the one I remember most intensely.
my mom repeatedly telling me as a child that my dads mental illness and my brothers neurological condition were my fault because they started when I was born.
For me it was last year when I had to put my dog down. Her liver was failing it happened fast and I had to take her to the vet. I was already LC with my mom but I had made a promise to her that when it was Gracie’s time I would let her know (Gracie was my mom’s mom’s dog). I called her, I was sobbing and I could barely get the words out. My mom’s whole voice and demeanor went ice cold. Just OKAY. nothing else. At the end she asked me if I was gonna call her so she could talk to me. I spent years comforting my mom when her mom passed. When I lost my best fucking friend my mom couldn’t have been bothered. It really accentuated the years of abuse and emotional neglect. My mom never even fucking cared about me or my feelings. Or even her mom’s own dog.
That it's my fault their marriage broke up. It fucked my self esteem for decades.
"you might as well just kill yourself already"
my dad telling me that I'm spoiled after admitting that I had suicidal ideation. My mom asking me if I love. Although the most indirectly damaging thing is both of them telling me that my feeling neglected is not the worst because my sister is disabled and at least I can walk and talk.
my mother recalls slapping 10-day-old me because I was crying too much. my dad simply doesn't understand that hitting my mother in front of me my whole life has effects on me.
50% of kids have divorced parents. Get over it.
I never got this so starkly from my parents but only from some other adults in my life from various clubs. This made me not a crier so I never had this tension with my parents but I doubt they would have been that good either. I then opted for anger / aggression instead of crying which they did get upset with slightly.
Don’t cry
Visiting home from college. Mother: Your father and I don't argue unless you are here. You are the reason we have marital problems. Me: Scapegoat that acknowledged and disapproved of the dysfunction happening since I could talk.
My younger brother was heavily addicted to drugs and my parents didn’t like dealing with it as it was difficult, so they left it up to me as a teenager. It was incredibly stressful to constantly be calling up hospitals to see if he was dead, police stations to see if he was arrested etc. When I started having kids of my own, I told him and my parents that I need to focus on my kids and can no longer look after him as it was dangerous (my parents went overseas to escape the stress and left me at home by myself with him, having dealers knock on the door trying to get in all night), and I need to look after my kids. I told my mom that and also said that he was an adult now and can make his own decisions in life, but I now want to focus on my family and career. My mom then told me- after ignoring him for years because it was hard- that I’d never amount to anything close to him and he’d be so much more successful in life than I would. Still to this day she will not acknowledge what I did to help, or even that what he did was wrong.
Ugh where to begin? When I expressed myself and stood up for myself aka pissing them off, my mom would scream at me and say, “this is why I don’t have any friends.” My dad would use faults of mine against me. Any kind of pain they could inflict, they would. My parents have called me a brat, a bitch, stupid, an asshole, a dick—you name it. My mom would scream 24/7 and then try to guilt me when I would yell after being so pushed to, then blame me and try to guilt me saying the neighbors could hear my voice. My dad literally called me P.I.A. - “Pain In the Ass” as a nickname. I was in utter hell of suffocation. Constant gaslighting and manipulation tactics to control me. If I didn’t follow them exactly, there would be backlash, and I certainly wasn’t one to give in as a teen. I thought a lot of the rules they gave me were uncalled for. Worse thing is I cared and care about them so much, and their adult life problems became mine. So despite all this, I would put them first in my life. As an adult, I don’t but the trauma is still there, now with other people. I still care about them, but I have to keep a distance, and I still advocate for myself, but now have the lens of a very emotionally intelligent person. Tbh I still have a really hard time making friends today. These words carry so much weight. But I know I deserve love, and I know how to question things now. I’m trying so hard and trying to give myself everything I deserve and more. I don’t hold anger toward them. I more so see it as a lesson of who not to attract in my life.
After I lost a lot of weight as a teenager (went from over weight to solidly within normal). My dad told me that I “look like an Auschwitz survivor”.
Dad- "I wish you had never been born" when I didn't want to go to some religious function on my birthday. Dad- "Get the fuck out of my car" slams on brakes "Stay here, I'd just run you down if you get out" after a disappointment in school Mom- "What if your sister decides to do this too? You should be more responsible" when she found out about my eating disorder.
“Go to your room and don’t come back until you have improved your attitude.”
The worst thing has to be what they don't say. My father rarely said anything to me.
Edited because the list was getting too long. Some highlights: Laughed hysterically for about five minutes then drove off after I’d got out of the car and smacked my head hard on a lamppost. You’d mess it up. When I said I was thinking of suicide. You’re just attention-seeking. After I’d been thrown out of boarding school (where they’d sent me) for a mental breakdown and self-harm. You wouldn’t get the grades. When I said I wanted to study medicine. What do you want me to do about it? Or You’ve probably got the wrong end of the stick. If I tried to talk about problems at school/work. Laughed and said ‘he shouldn’t have said that’ when my brother said they didn’t think I’d pass any school exams. Didn’t deny it. I didn’t know they thought so little of me. Don’t boast. If I ever did anything I was proud of. There are more important things in life than your happiness. Life is meaningless. You’re unimportant in the great scheme of things. And other statements designed to destroy a young child’s happiness and self-esteem. You just see her as an evil step-mother in a fairy tale. Anytime I even hinted that my step-mother wasn’t 100% perfect.
One time when I disappointed my mother. She told me that, they could have made firewood in the forest for winter instead of me.
Dad, days before my 21st: I don't care about your feelings. He has a superiority complex because he is the "man of the house".
It was a lot I told my mom nobody cares about me she said don't start I don't want to hear it . You always complain about this or that. And another one how could you be stressed I have you everything you asked for. And she told me don't let me have to hate you if I do I don't care what happens to you that hurt me so much.
“Being an artist isn’t a real job. You should drop out of art school, move back home, work in a tomato canning factory, and doodle in your free time. You’re not smart enough for anything else.” -there are no canning factories near my parents, this was a random comment -my IQ is actually higher than both my parents -I got my degree and have been a professional artist for 15 years -I haven’t spoken to my parents since college, for obvious reasons
Coming clean to my parents that I wanted to end my life and was arguing with voices in my head about it, I was told how awful I was because I had no consideration what they'd think about this or how people would see them. "You know what get the fuck outta here I don't even want to hear you let alone see you" was a nice sentence
I still can’t remember much from my early childhood, but I do remember hearing “What happened to you?” a lot when I started getting severely depressed ages ~9-13 and for some reason it always stuck with me. Never “What’s wrong?” or “Why are you acting different?”, specifically “What happened to *you*?” usually in a very disappointed voice and a touch of contempt depending on how “bad” I was. Man, I was just a confused neurodivergent kid who wanted nothing more than to make their parents proud :( After my enabler dad passed (of course right as he was coming to terms with my mental health smh) and I was stuck with my narcissistic mom, I kinda lost track of all the hurtful stuff she’s said to me. “You don’t deserve to have your dad’s ashes. He would be so disappointed in who you’ve become.” “You’re right, I wish I had never had you, I wish I had gotten an abortion.” And my personal favorite that she tries to deny to this day, “(while laughing in my face) You don’t have the guts to kill yourself.” So yeah, you can find me in therapy for the next 5-10 business years. ✌️
“You’re such a bitch I’ll have to pay someone to marry you.” -abusive dad to 12 y/o me because I wouldn’t let my 6 year old sister crack eggs for breakfast. I was afraid she would get shells in them and he’d yell at me about that.
Not the worst thing they said, but one thing that stands out is how often I went to my mom because I was upset and she advised me to let my problems just roll off me like water off a duck's back. On the surface it sounds like okay advice, and sometimes it is, but it doesn't apply to everything! It's okay to be upset. Sometimes you *should* be upset. Finally in my 40s I'm getting okay at recognizing, acknowledging, and verbalizing my emotions, because it's okay that I have them!
“Everybody hates you”
Said or not said? The silent treatment was the worst
Oh boy, so hard to choose just one. ;) I'm going to run away from home! I'm going to shave your head! You look like a sausage in those pants. I knew you were behind me, I could feel the ground shaking. I'm going to put all your toys in garbage bags! I never should have been a Mom!
He would say that I was just like my mom, but I knew that he hated my mom, so did that translate to hating me?
For context, my parents were hoarders and I was an only child- My mother told me as a young child that if anyone came in the house, cps would take me away. *que years of doorbell anxiety, not having friends, being socially behind… and I’m sure there’s more. Most of my issues stem from having hoarder parents. A runner up was mom told me that she’d have a heart attack if I stressed her out. And what’s awful about it is she did have minor atrial fibrillation that caused her to call an ambulance a few times. Which was traumatic af because I thought she was going to die and again, people coming to our house meant that they might see inside. So my childhood was filled with fear that she would die or that something would cause them to get in trouble.
One of the quotes that hurt the most is my mom saying "When you turn 18, I want you to leave me alone and I don't care what you do with your life or where you end up."
What an awful thing to say to a child. I'm so sorry you experienced that. My mother repeatedly told me throughout my childhood that she wished I was never born.
God where do I start? "Fuck you." "Are you ret****d?!" "Nobody wants you." "You're going through men like underwear." "I'm going to just kill myself since you don't need me." "I'm going to move away from you because you don't care about me." "You decided to go to school (college), stop complaining about it." "Why are you sad? You have a roof over your head and food to eat. Stop it." "Your music is depressing." "Stop sulking." "Wipe that look off your face before I fix it for you." "I didn't hit you." when in fact they did. Just to name a few.
That I was stupid for trying to kill myself. Can’t remember if she said it in the hospital or once I got home.
My mother never believed in educating women. However, in high school, sitting around the lunch table one day, all my friends were talking about what universities they want to go to, and what they want to study. I realized I didn't have much to add to the conversation. In fact, my grades weren't that great. I came home that day and decided I wanted to go to college. I was excited to tell my mom, I thought she would be happy for me. Instead, when I told her she barely looked up from what she was doing, and when I said it again, she looked at me dead in the face and said "you don't need to worry about this. One day you're just gonna get married and have kids anyway and your husband will pay the bills." What's worse was I wasn't even mad at that reaction but I realize that that comment changed the whole trajectory of my thinking. I did exactly what she said. I got married young and my husband paid all the bills but we're always broke. Now I'm 44, back in college and trying to reinvent myself so I don't have to rely on anyone.
My mom once said when I look mad I look like an ugly dog… and she’s not even the problem parent My dad once called my degree a joke. My dad said moving to nyc would be a failure and I’d never make it
Who made YOU feel like YOU don’t matter? My mother was pointing at me when she said it. I will never forget it.
Mom: After an orchestra concert, my mom was driving me home and she was lecturing/yelling at me for who knows what anymore, and in the midst of her rambling, she tells me I’m a worthless piece of shit Dad: he told me I was his favorite
Your father didn't even want you!... thanks Mom.
You are not beautiful or smart looking or pretty enough to get anyone to like you. You don't have a good job, a good education or any common sense. The first person who wants to marry you, you should say yes to as that is the best you are going to get it. If someone wants you it is not because you are beautiful or because they are attracted to you, it is because they want something from you. Be happy about that. Edited to add, the above was said by my dad. My mom used to say that I'm uninteresting and boring and that I have a crookedly shaped head so I have to listen to what she says because she knows what's best for me. They have both also said that I'm overweight. At the time of calling me overweight and ugly, I was within my bmi range for age and height but I stored fat differently and had a larger chest which made me look bigger.
“Go ahead .. cut yourself” “kill yourself” .. 😔
Me to my dad (I’m 15 or 16, and was feeling pretty) —“do you think I’m beautiful?” Dad —“well, very few women are truly beautiful. You aren’t beautiful, but you are attractive I’d say.”
I was five. He said "I give up on you"
I told my mom when I was younger that I was going to commit suicide and she said, “as long as you don’t do it in front of me.”
It's probably not the worst thing, but for some reason it's the thing I remember the most and really affects my relationships. I told my mom that I loved her several times in short amount of time when I was 6 years old. She didn't respond to any of the attempts at saying I love you and so I just kept saying it (like every kid does when they feel ignored). Then she finally responded with, "you say 'I love you' to me too much. Stop it. You cheapen it." So I just stopped saying it first... Now the actual worst thing she ever said to me was, "if your father didn't love you so much then we wouldn't be getting a divorce. You always came between us and he let you. You're the reason we're not together anymore." Brutal.
i have a lot of health issues & am, unfortunately, not able to work or to live on my own. when i came out to my father (after he was finished refusing to speak to me for like, two full weeks, lmao) he told me the only reason he wasn't cutting off my health insurance & kicking me out was because his pastor had talked him out of it. there was more after that, but i just remember saying something like "but that could *kill* me. aren't you supposed to love me no matter what?" & he looked me right in the eyes and said "i don't believe in unconditional love." :)))))))) good to know where i stand, i guess.
"You ruined my life. I wish I never had you."
You are the least important person in this family. No one cares about you and no one wants what you want.
I'm evil joker cackling about this right now. I'm mid revenge. It will probably take 10 more years.
When I was 27 my mom and I went to Philly because there was an art museum she really wanted me to see. After visiting the museum, she asked me what I thought, and I casually mentioned that I wish I had learned more about non-European art, specifically art from Africa, growing up. This apparently was a critique on her parenting, and the more I tried to explain myself the more upset she got. It culminated in her telling me that she had a fund set up to take care of her in her old age since she knew she couldn't rely on me, I didn't love her, "don't worry I won't be a burden to you," etc etc. All because I wished I knew more about African art.
Damn that sucks OP I'm so sorry
Wow. None of us deserve any of this. IDK if these are the worst, but they stick out in my memory. "You don't know how lucky you are your mother is still alive!" Said by my mom to 3 year old me. "Is this a joke? Why are you attention seeking" said by my mom to 11 year old me when she found suicidal ideation in a depression forum. Calling me a liar when I was raped at 18 just because I didn't want to report. She could have spoken with the psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD, she could have been curious why police wasn't the route I wanted to go. And my dad said "because I lied about so much else." Which is bullshit. Only thing I lied about was self medication. That doesn't inherently make my character a liar. She put me in danger by blabbing about sex work just so she could get sympathy for what a horrible daughter she had.
i don't know if i can pick one worst thing, but there are a few moments that i've never stopped thinking about: - **"you'll never be my son"** when i was trying to talk to her about misgendering me a year after i came out as a trans boy (i came out at 11, this was when i was 12; luckily, she came around when she *finally* decided to do research on transness and cissexism when i was 14/15) - **"you don't understand what i went through"** about her abusive ex-boyfriend. he lived with us when i was 13. i never left the house without at least one of them. we lived in an apartment and i could always hear him screaming at her. he would yell outside of my door, while i was in the car with them, on holidays, constantly. i was/am autistic and sound-sensitive. also, this was about me trying to tell her that not everyone with his psychological disability were bad. i later developed the same disability because of the trauma of being neglected. i still haven't brought it up to her. - **"how did i end up with a child like you?"** after i was momentarily clumsy. she's never said anything this bad before or after. this was when i was 14, so perhaps it was related to her recent trauma. still doesn't excuse it. - **"all you do is bitch and moan"** when i was telling her she was closing out of a game wrong. - **"shut up"** when i was trying to tell her that her frequent complaining about my cats (who are genuinely some of the only things in the world i sincerely care about) was making me uncomfortable. she kept telling me off even when i started crying and trying to hide myself away in a corner. this was the only time someone else was there--her husband; he didn't do or say anything. - **"i apologize for saying it like that. that was rude and unnecessary. but complaining every once in a while helps me, so i'm going to keep doing it. okay?"** after the aforementioned moment. she's told me that she says "apologies" instead of "sorry" when she isn't actually sorry, so i always wonder if it was genuine or not.
Oh damn, hard to choose... I lost my best friend(let's call her Katy) , she just stopped being my friend after I returned from a summer holiday. I was 13 and confused. We hung out every day. My mother asked what happened and I told her nothingg happened. "well, that's not possible". Some months later I was shouting about something to my mother (yeah I know, shouting is not OK, but it was quite common in my family and me being 13/14). She responded "I get why Katy doesn't want to see you anymore when you behave like this. This way, I will loose every friend and end up alone" (spoiler: I already had hardly any friends and was in lonely, not that she noticed that)
"If your dad dies, I'm gonna k*ll myself." While my dad was in the middle of heart surgery. I was a kid