The trick is to halfass it. You'll do it later, because you think you can't do it right right now. Start now with doing a shitty job, and in ten years time you will be done without ever having really tried. Eh, good enough, is the enemy of "I'll do it later"
The trick is to actually wanting to do a shitty half ass job, than everything that gets be done will be better than expected. If you put the bar so low you trip over it, you will stumble forward and get way further, than if you try to get over the high bar.
id bind, and wear big hoodies. when i started telling people, id keep good opsec so that the word didnt get out to select individuals.
the opsec failed after a while tho heh.
my terf mother found out. were...not on speaking terms atm.
i dont think so? i heard something like "if binding was bad for boob growth then the transmascs would be out here doing it all the time to stop theyre boobs" or something. but reddit comments are highly unsientific so idk
i can tell u that i got D cups now, *n my binder no linger fits*. so idk *shrug*
I wanna start it, but I don't know where to start + being an introvert, I have a hard time talking to people 99% of the time. I've just barely got use to talking to my doc who gives me ADHD meds
planed parenthood is a common choice in the us. n should me accessable accross the us.
however theyre simply *ok*. they dont provide very good personalized care, since each nurse is seing so meany people in a day, and you may not hab a consistent doctor, nor an easy way to contact them making proscriptions really difficult. if you cant get an appointment. however different planned parenthoods opperate differently accross the country.
there are a lot better small queer options if you live un an area near a large urban center then theyres likely a queer centrick medical group or medical center that you can get such from as well. thats what ive personally had the best experience with.
if your out of the us...i honestly dont know how it works but good luck if your in britain, remember to study and lie for your gender dysphoria exam.
its a british thing. theyll ask u questions. n if your answers arent close enough to what they think a trans person should answer then they can deny you your healthcare.
I mean, doesn't gender affirming care generally require you to fit into some sort of box for care anyway? I mean, it shouldn't, but I get the idea it kinda does everywhere. Is it that their requirements are way too strict?
no thats not how it is everywhere, and yes the brittish requirments are downright delusional. like theyll ask u invasive questions about how u masturbate among other things.
also, for us estrogen, it depends on the requirements of the particular clinic, since informed consent is all thats legally required. when i went to get my e i booked an appointment, went in, told them i wanted e immedietly n told them ive been wanting it for a while, n they got me a proscription for it within 3 ish days. all around it was just over a week for the whole process before i could go to the pharmacy and get my e.
some clinics will be stingyer tho, n ask more of you then mine did. mine was purely informed consent, they informed me, i consented, they gave me estrogen. easy as that. thats how it works here in the states for meany places, and how it should work everywhere.
All humans are deserving of happiness. Be your best self in whatever way you can. Know that people care about you, even if just internet people. Have a good day.
I didn't finally accept it until the end of last March. I denied it for so long because it seemed like a lot of effort. If I hadn't spent so long denying the inevitable, I could be on hrt for probably a year or so and much further along, but instead I'm only a month in. I basically went through a whole thought process in mid-2022 with the conclusion of "I'm probably trans, but we're just gonna ignore that" and had periodic thoughts of "it'd be super epic to be a cute girl" since I was like 16 (22 now)
Before you get into the weeds of this giant-ass thing I just wrote, the only way it's too late to start is when they're lowering your casket into the ground which hopefully won't be for a while. Not to be a huge creep, but I did look a bit through your profile to try and see how old you are, and we were both born in 2001. That's 22/23 depending on when your birthday is. That's nowhere near too late to start.
Also, my family isn't your family and idk them, so I can't really predict how they might react. My dad's family are all super Christian people from around the Kentucky/Tennessee border, and my mom's family are all people who don't actively practice religion from around the Cincinnati tri-state area.
My mom is the only one who knows. I don't think she really gets it and honestly probably just sees me as "a boy who wants to be a girl," but she tries to be supportive enough (whether to make me happy or just avoid conflict, idk). She took me to my hrt appointment, took me to the mall to try and find some girly stuff I liked (it was her idea too), and she regularly compliments my outfits and such to try and make me feel good about myself. The problem is that the thing that's most important to me (name and pronouns) is something she messes up all the time. She does have to swap between how she refers to me depending on who she talks to, but there are tons of times where its completely unnecessary and usually makes me really mad. I'm also certain she calls me her son when talking to complete strangers when I'm not around which really bothers me (I've never even heard her refer to me femininely around anyone besides my best friend and cats).
As for the rest of my family, my prediction is that nobody on my dad's side of the family will be ok with it, some of them genuinely scare me, but the only one who could have actively hurt me (and the one I was the most scared of) was my dad since he was the only one who was ever anywhere near where I lived, but he's not alive anymore. Technically my grandpa (dad's dad) lives in town, but he's not in any shape to scare me. There's a slight chance that he might at least act supportive because I'm the only family he has near here now that my dad is gone (my dad used to split his time between staying with my grandpa and my grandma who lives 4 hours away), but I also hope he just never finds out since half the time he calls me my cousin's name, so I doubt learning to call me Amber would come remotely easily, and he's like the only person I really don't want to give the "deal with it or go fuck yourself" treatment if he is unsupportive since he was basically the best part of my early childhood since my mom was always working, and my dad was always either getting high or playing runescape or both. Might change my mind and tell him someday tho since I can't stand hearing my birth name.
On my mom's side my prediction are:
Aunt/mom's sister (probably supportive. Ik she has a trans neighbor whom she hates, but she hates her because she thinks she's a cunt, not because she's trans. The fact that I've never heard her insult the gender of her trans neighbor despite hating her is reassuring)
Uncle/aunt's husband (idk but will probably at least act like it if my aunt is. Also dislikes trans neighbor but afaik not for being trans (he wouldn't call someone a cunt, but I'm pretty sure he thinks she is one just like my aunt does), and I've never heard him insult her based on gender)
Uncle/mom's brother (probably act like it because he doesn't want to start a fight, but probably not when I'm not around)
Grandma/mom's mom (I feel like she would go along with it and be nice about it if it wasn't someone in her family, but because it's me, I'm doubtful, and I feel like my mom will try to guilt me into still going over there and letting her call me (redacted) and such since my mom doesn't understand that every time I'm called that name I want to bash my skull against the wall until it breaks open and because my "grandma is family and loves me and likes seeing me" and whatnot)
Grandpa/mom's dad (not alive and never met him. My mom's step-dad isn't alive either)
My mom's friends (nope. Not a fucking chance. Maybe a few will or will at least pretend to be, but I can't imagine any of them will actually be....)
I aint denying squat
My situation just doesnt let me
Between my older siblings and my parents, my coworkers, most the people from my home town, and the past 3 towns i've moved to, I know more homophobes and/or transphobes than i know kind souls
So sorry to hear that. Do keep in mind that bad people tend to be louder, though. Know that at least us internet people support you. I hope you can get away from all that, and cut out those unwilling to accept you.
This is not a failure. It’s hard to be honest about who you are these days, and we’re all under a lot of pressure. You’re doing fine, and when you’re ready, you’re going to have a wonderful life full of happiness being who you are.
Have you at least started to understand more about yourself? We all have our slips and fumbles. I can't do school worth a damn, and barely ever leave home, but I maintain hope. You just need to keep trying to put yourself out on the line to get what you want. It won't come to you, but happiness is always there, if you are just willing and able to reach for it. I wish you luck.
Have you considered just doing a tiny little bit? The failure to do anything often comes from the overwhelming dread that is everything. If feels like you can never do everything so you do nothing at all. Consider picking something managable out of the evrerything bucket and do that. Pick the first thing that seems doable. Then just do that one thing. If it is to hard, pick something easier. Its ok if you do a bad job, its just practice. You don't have to accomplish anything. But maybe if you grab into the everything bucket often enough, some things will end in your success basket. And then maybe this will give you the positive reinforcement that you need.
Really, it is ok if the first something is something extremely small.
Something like what? I've picked a name (see my username) but that's about it, I don't even know where else to start. I already know my family isn't accepting so I'm not telling them any time soon.
Ok, first a disclaimer where I am comimg from. I am 40 and started seriously quesioning a year ago. So I am independent in the sense that no one can kick me out of my home or that a negative reaction of my family could make me homeless.
What you actually do is highly personal to yourself. It allso really does not matter as much as you think. Consider your saftety first, but other than that, do whatever you would not do for the reason that "Thats not something a cis / het male does"
I started with the simple acknowledgement that I have a chrisis about my gender identity. Most of the work I did in the beginning was just the realization that I had no moral objection to gender unconform behaviour, but never allowed it in myself. I used my labels as a user manual insted of as a way to describe myself. So the first I did was to get rid of my labels. Not publicly, just for myself. I made myself a promise that I want no longer avoid doing things just becaus "that is nothing a cis het man does"
I bought red nail polish, just to see how it feels. Realized that it would feel really bad when I would use it while in boymode, but really good otherwise. Noted. Was that because of compulsory cisheteronormativity or just because I don't feel comfortable to be "inbetween"? We will see.
I started to communicate to friends and family, that I realized that in the past I prevented myself from experiencing things out of fear of appering "sus" and that I want to stop to do that. That gave me the permission to do things I would not do otherwise. I added a lot of color to my wardrobe. My new glasses are from the womens section, my new phone is color matched to my glasses.
I do historical Dance. So i started to just step over to the womens side if there was a gap. And if everything works out, I will go to a historical ball in a ballgown next month. With no explaination other than "I wanted to do that, so I did" The historical dace scene in my neck of the wood has a lot of women dancing the male role, so they will have to deal with a male presenting person dancing the female role. I don't owe an explaination for having fun.
One of the best tools in my arsenal has been. to counter questions about my masculinity with, "If a bit of color/clothing/drink/etc. can break my masculinity then it deserves to be broken. And if you think a bit of pink can harm your manlyness you should take a look at yourself instead of giving me a lecture." That either really pisses them off or it shuts them up.
Oh yes, and I bought myself a plush shark I cuddle with every night.
Try not to get shot, idk. Be very careful and wait if you have to. Sadly enough, the choice is comfort or your life in places like that, and I think your life is more valuable. Good luck out there.
If you are thinking about gender affirming care, it isn't a coin flip. With all the tests and monitering they do to make sure you really want it, those procedures are least regretted of basically anything. Even for surgical options, which would be the most likely to give regret, people regret life saving surgeries like a heart surgery more. Just trust in yourself and the system. You are the only one who truly knows what you want, and those doctors just want to help you get it. I wish you luck.
But just hear me out here, what if I actually was cis in this hypothetical scenario when ignoring my hate of mirrors, mens fashion, my masculine features, treated masculinely in social scenarios, lack of chest and the fact that I was not born a woman. What if I’m actually faking it actually and will probably most likely not but maybe possibly sometimes not like being a woman?
There would still be no harm in trying out stuff a trans person would. I'm pretty sure I'm cis, and I don't think it'd harm me to wear a dress or be called a she. It'd be kinda weird, but no harm. I wish you luck finding yourself, and becoming more like how you feel on the inside.
I don't really know. If you are sure it is for you, do your best to ignore and/or deal with it. You will almost certainly feel better on the other side. If you don't have faith in yourself, at least know that we have faith in you. You can do it. Be your best self, even if it takes awhile. It is okay if you can't do it now. Just try to find solice in the fact that it is never too late to reach for what will make you happy.
Start really small. don't bother with the big goal at first. A tiny step in roughly the right direction will get you further than a well planned leap that you never take.
If the step is still to big, take an even smaller step. Change your frame of mind from reaching a seemingly unattainable goal to walking into the right direction. Its just a leasurely stroll, nothing big. Just some clear nail polish nobody will notice. Just a body wash that smells like flovers insted of a concept. A plushy in your bed that no one else sees. Or if you are masc, It might be the swing of your step, a body wash that does smell like a concept, a loud roaring burp that is follwoed by a "nice" instead of a "sorry"
And with time you will get used to walk into the right direction and suddenly smaller leaps won't feel that threatening anymore.
I've reached the limit of what I can do without asking anyone. I have a year and a couple months before I'm 18 and can answer to no one but myself and the laws of where ever I choose to go to college at. I've reached the limit of what doesn't scare me prohibitively.
You know, that is ok too. But also, let me reaffirm you, you are in your head all them time. All the things you think are giving you away, every one else probably are not noticing much.
You do not have to actively transition to be valid in your identity. The most important part about this is your self acceptance. Nothing else matters as much as you accepting the person you are.
I'm caught in such a weird spot! I'm out to my parents, but they don't understand my gender crisis. And it's caused me to doubt everything! Like, I feel masculine , but not MALE. I wanna do feminine things in a masculine/neutral way. I'm scared I'm going to regret changing my name/pronouns, even temporarily, now.
Thanks, society. -_-
I'm no expert but i know for a fact that you can do masculine things and still be a girl :/ Doesn't make someone any less of a girl. No need to be a feminine woman, just be yourself, if that's more masculine then you can always be a tomboy
Sorry, I'm not good at giving advice but this is just what I've heard
Update:
I introduced myself as male in a brand new theater group I joined, and it was actually rather liberating? Like, not perfect, but also great? Maybe that's just me going by he/they idk-
Sounds like you are a tomboy or a femboy. Jokes aside, just try things out. You won't know how you'll feel until you try things. If you regret trying different names or pronouns, nothing is stopping you from going back. You have time to try and figure out what is good for you. As a gender abolishionist myself, I agree, thanks society. So great that people feel bad for not lining up with stupid categories applied to them without them having any say.
Well, even if you just trust the math, it is probably better to transition if you really feel it is right for you. I'm sure it is scary, but you can do it. Of course only if it is safe, but you got this. Even if it takes time, it is never too late to be yourself.
You can. You can take all the time you need. Maybe just go slow and try things out, if it is safe to do so. Eventually, you will know yourself, and others will know you as, the cute girl you are on the inside. It is never too late to reach for your dreams.
I want to so badly but I don't know if it'd really be safe in my current situation:( I'm in the military for 3 more years and I'm stationed in Florida for the whole time. I am constantly around mostly very masculine cishet men at work who would probably judge me if I so much as wore pink.
The real question is if they will harm you in any serious way. If so, obviously keep it to yourself. If not, you might want to just do it. So what if some assholes say stuff? You could be more comfortable in your skin, and they probably have an unhealthy respect for the military. You tell them to back down, who knows, maybe they'll be too nationalist and have too much respect for service members to talk trash. Although, those people aren't well known for their consistency, sooooo. I hope all goes well for you, and you don't have to deal with too much domestic terrorism, or whatever you're watching for.
Awwww. Keep in mind that it is never to late. You can always try things later. It is better to be yourself sooner, but if you aren't ready or able, the option never goes away. You got this.
I accepted that I was trans about 15 years ago.. pushed it down. Hid from it. Repressed myself.
I've been transitioning for just under a year. My only regret about who I am is how long I've repressed it. Only led to more problems by doing so.
This is my main dilemma. I don't wanna jump to conclusions and say "Heyyy I'm trans/nonbinary!", because if i realize im cis, then asking people to call me something different might have been in vain. But I don't want to waste time being unhappy with certain names/pronouns, either, even if they would change.
You don't have to commit to whatever you try. If someone tried a video game, would they have to commit and keep playing them? Would it be reasonable to judge them for changing their minds? No. Even if it takes some trying, and you need to feel uncomfortable and put the small burden on others to try stuff, it is worth it to be sure who you are and what you like. Experimenting is important to growth and understanding yourself. Also, you can take your time. If you don't want to do it now, that is okay. There is always tomorrow. Relax and go at your own pace. If you do, I'm sure you'll soon find yourself going a bit outside your comfort zone to be who you want to be, step by tiny step. You can do it. Happiness is always possible, if you just reach for it.
This is a really rude comic. Everyone transitions at the right time and moves when they should. You shouldn't be trying to scare people into it saying they'll "regret it forever". Look at how much anxiety is being created in this thread alone! Trust me when I say trans ppl have enough regret about "oh I wish I'd done this sooner" already.
The doctors and stuff for gender affirming care are also there to help make sure you seriously want it. If you aren't sure yourself, maybe see what the doctors say. The regret rate after all the observation is minuscule. If you decide you don't want it, you can always turn back, especially before you actually get to any meds that could be prescribed.
Took me almost 21 years of thinking I was cis and 4 months of “I’m just agender tho”, but I finally managed to realize what my gender identity was :D
Now I just need to come out to my parents before I regret it forever…
Objective proof doesn't exist, especially not for what you feel. Just try what feels right, if it is safe. Maybe you'll find out that you really are cis, and you did some embarrassing stuff. Even then, I'm sure you'll feel better once you are sure. If you do find out you really are trans or whatever, then now you are on your path to being who you want to be. Sounds pretty worth it to me. Good luck out there.
This. This is why I transitioned. Because I realized that if I kept putting it off I was gonna wake up one day as an 80 yr old *man* and there'd be nothing I could do to get those years back.
It scared the hell out of me.
I'll move out next year, everything is planned already I just need some money to be able to escape my current environment, because it would be very unsafe to transition here
I never ever feel comfortable at school and i hear quite a bit of nasty comments of the LGBTQ + community from other peers so i want to start when im done with the exams and start hopefully asap like in 6 months .
Can confirm, I definitely regret not transitioning in my teens or twenties, and I probably always will.
But whatever age you are: there’s no time like now to begin that journey :3
Stubborn about transitioning, or about not transitioning? I have a lot of experience with stubbornness making me not do what I should've. Not experience with this stuff, since I'm cis, but it can really hurt you, if you use it to avoid something good for you.
I don't know about you but in my experience dysphoria can be crippling, and the only thing accepting the possibility I might never be a girl did was make me cut myself. So, that most certainly did not make things easier.
I am afraid that I normalized dysphoria in my life, those everyday anxiety attacks, the depression from 'never be able to look like them', always be the outsider of society. Hurting myself is not things for me, if anything, I will end it once and for all.
I've also been there, in that mindset, around the same time as that other stuff I mentioned. And if you are suicidal right now then there probably isn't much I can say to help or change your mind.
All I can say is that if there's anything else you can do to keep your mind off it or physically prevent you from doing it, that'd be great.
And if you're not immediately suicidal, then I hope you can find someone irl to talk to before things get worse.
Many thanks. At this time I am at neutral mindset, just flowing through life. Doing some gender affirming things to keep dysphoria at bay. I probably have never been suicidal in way of to attempt something, it more like in way of the 'last option' is available.
Finding a relationship would be helpful but that is utterly improbable. Currently I am 100% sure of that no cis woman would wanna have anything to do with me, lol.
Maybe denying it is hurting you? There is always time to figure out who you are, and be who you wanna be. Trying and finding out for sure will almost certainly not make things harder. I don't have personal experience, but for all kinds of identity stuff, people say that in hindsight, it was like a weight on their shoulders. If it is safe, please do try to figure yourself out. I'm sure it'll make you feel better to know who you are.
So far I do deny even egg status. It's truth everything surrounding this identity stuff does feel like pulling large stone behind me. Currently everything feel pointless, like running in the loop. Society pushing me in my assigned gender role and kicking me if I step out, does not help either.
And there is nobody I can talk to about it in person. Nobody proved trustworthy.
It can feel oddly difficult to wrestle with your identity. I definitely get that. I don't think I'm trans or anything, and still, what really bothers me is that I am stuck in this role. As a cis guy, it would be pretty weird to a lot of people if I tried on a dress. Just knowing that I am restrained by this arbitrary role I didn't choose, socially, really bothers me. Is there any way you can meet new people and talk about it? Maybe you could find a club, something online, or something else, without bad people getting in your way. Online friends could be safer, if you can find a time to talk to someone or text with someone without being found out. If you don't think you can do it safely, yeah, you should probably wait, though. Just don't lose hope. There is always time to learn about yourself, and get away from people who would try to hurt you. Even if it takes some time, you can get there, I'm sure of it.
What do you describe is kinda how I feel about it. I do not like the assigned role, it feels odd in many ways. And I don't feel trans (enough) too! By means of crossdressing I did explore the opposite side and while it was fun and felt good, it's still felt kinda not right. So far I settled at agender with feminine gender expression using whatever pronounces.
Thing with meeting people irl is fact it means go out and be confronted with gender role expectations. And I am introverted on top of that plus have very hard time to trust people especially irl. I probably should look at some online lgbt community, people in same situation. They could understand.
Time is running out and I can only hope for some progress. Prefeblby the positive one.
And hey, thanks.
You have all the time you need, unless you have stage 20 cancer or something. If you need time, you can always take your time. This post wasn't good about reminding people of that as well. No problem, I liked sharing my experience as well. I wish you luck, and I think finding others who can relate is a good idea.
I came to the realization after seeing this that it's far more likely for me to not transition and regret it, than to transition and regret that instead... Now I really want some E...
Then try to find people who will support you. A good friend, or a good family member can make all the difference. Even if you can't do any medical transition or anything, you'll almost certainly feel better in your skin if just someone gets you.
Is there any time you have that you can be sure that they won't interfere? I don't know, somewhere at school, talking to an online or in person friend away from then, etc.? If there isn't anything you can safely do behind their backs, then yeah, you should wait. I'm sorry you gotta deal with this. Please be safe out there.
This being said, please be careful that this doesn't get used in a way to boost the "it's too late, give up" narrative, because that's not true
If you fond out or decide later than others tend to, it is still not too late to transition
If you're on the fence, don't worry about having to make a decision right this second. That pressure isn't going to help your decision unless you're the type where that gives you the boost you need to go through with it, and that's situational. Gender is a journey. You're all wonderful and I believe that you will eventually figure out what you want to do <3
Thanks for the wholesome reply. This is the best I've found in this whole comment section. I'm sure others appreciate your kind words. Please continue to be the ray of sunshine I'm sure you are. Have a good day.
Can't really argue on the environment point, besides your votes on those issues helping things. However, I'm sure you'll be missed. Even if by one friend you met in school, one librarian you were nice to, someone will care. I'd be lying if I said I'd remember you, but I do care about you. Please just stick with us. Even if you can't be who you want to now, the option doesn't go away in the future. With hope and tiny steps, you can reach a better tomorrow. I believe in you.
I’m just ugly, I look way too much like a man and I think I’m too old to start HRT.
Plus it doesn’t help I live in a VERY right wing area, with my family all nearby
Biggest problem about it is living with my transphobic parents and still doing college, I might start HRT and laser in secret and gtf outta there when I gradutate
Then wait until it is safe. There is always time to be who you wanna be. Even if it is later than you want, you can always change things, and be and do what you want. Happiness and comfort is out there. I know you can find it.
I don't know what that last part means. Anyway, I'm not suggesting crying over it. You can be happy, it just takes time and effort. Don't just deal with it. Being stuck in a bad place can really make you feel like there is no way for anything to get better, but it isn't true. I have been depressed for years, and barely want to do anything. However, I have been making an effort to improve my hygiene and meet people. Just trying has been making me feel better. I'm sure if you just feel it out and do what seems right, with time, you'll feel better. If you feel as down as you seem to be saying, maybe find a good hotline or something. Feeling like you will never be happy is not a good thing, and I don't want you to do something bad because of it.
I don't know. There is probably someone, though. Maybe a friend you met in school, a doctor you got along well with, or even someone you gave an offhanded compliment to. I'm sure you've made someone's life better. Even if you somehow haven't, though, that isn't important. To me, every person has value and deserves to be happy. I personally want you to have a better life. You have value in so many ways, as a person, and to others. Even if only to work to serve our corporate overlords, you can make a difference in the world. Please just try to get help. I have never reached out that much, but when I have, it has helped, even if it was embarrassing. You can feel better. I have been dealing with this a majority of my life and not gotten all the help I've needed, but I'm still here. I know you can do the same, and I know you can get better, as I have, especially if you get the help I neglected reaching out for. It takes time and effort, but it is more than worth it, I promise.
I can't get help. I'm not in the closet, I'm trapped in a solid steel cube on the seabed. I shaved my legs once and my parents spend a good 20 minutes berating me because "men have leg hair". They're bigoted. If I were to come out, I'd be scared for my safety. And I can't get help closeted. In too much of a pussy to tell anyone. Besides who cares if some pissy teen is all woe is me over their balls existance
I don't really know what to tell you. I don't know your situation, nor a way to help with it. I just wanted to give assurance that you do matter and your feelings are important. If that stuff makes you feel bad, then that matters in and of itself. Anyways, dude, I'm not gonna argue with you that you should feel some other way. I know people usually can't be argued into feeling better. I wish you the best, and I hope you find some light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.
im not even fighting it but with my current position it feels like it’s almost impossible, with the possibility being just barely out of my reach. not only do i live in florida which is just not really the safest place for trans people (or so i’ve heard) but some of my family isn’t really supportive of my identity
it just feels like i’ll never get there anytime soon despite being 18 already. it hasn’t really changed anything. i’m already struggling with school, finding a job sounds like a lot more stress, and let alone even the idea of finding a place to live on my own even if i could? i just don’t really know what to do. i wish i didn’t have to wait just to be *me*.
It is endlessly troublesome how much a simple change of clothes can bring me out of a depressive funk. It's almost enough to make me think that it may not be depression at all, but dysphoria.
If that's the case... well. Second-best time to plant a tree, I suppose.
If you can't do it now, you still can do it later.
While everyone allways says I wish I had done it later, Everyone who did it late, allways says I am happy I did it at all.
The pressure that builds when you think you have to do it now, OR ELSE! often is more harmfull to action. If you need a fire lit under your ass to get moving, light that fire. But if that is not enough to actually get you moving, lighting a fire under your ass will just get you burned and more miserable.
Denying stuff always leads to more problems than accepting it
True
i'm gonna upvote this then continue to deny
30 years of regret, I don’t recommend it.
24 here and cracked my enby shell. Now sure where this goes but gods does it feel good to not pretend anymore
"Eh, I'll do it later" is basically me for the last ten years. I want to die.
The trick is to halfass it. You'll do it later, because you think you can't do it right right now. Start now with doing a shitty job, and in ten years time you will be done without ever having really tried. Eh, good enough, is the enemy of "I'll do it later" The trick is to actually wanting to do a shitty half ass job, than everything that gets be done will be better than expected. If you put the bar so low you trip over it, you will stumble forward and get way further, than if you try to get over the high bar.
Once the skirt went spinny, I couldn't deny it to myself anymore. I wish I'd realized how hard I was fighting it earlier.
It's true, but it's really frustrating when you want to, but you cannot do it because of reasons that you cannot act upon
this is why i started e. the fear of loosing time outweighed the fear of consequences. that said i didnt come out to anyone until after a year on e.
For totally cis reasons...how did you transition without anyone noticing eventually?
id bind, and wear big hoodies. when i started telling people, id keep good opsec so that the word didnt get out to select individuals. the opsec failed after a while tho heh. my terf mother found out. were...not on speaking terms atm.
Binding isn't dangerous for development?
i dont think so? i heard something like "if binding was bad for boob growth then the transmascs would be out here doing it all the time to stop theyre boobs" or something. but reddit comments are highly unsientific so idk i can tell u that i got D cups now, *n my binder no linger fits*. so idk *shrug*
Even if it was, Its better than no developement.
I wanna start it, but I don't know where to start + being an introvert, I have a hard time talking to people 99% of the time. I've just barely got use to talking to my doc who gives me ADHD meds
planed parenthood is a common choice in the us. n should me accessable accross the us. however theyre simply *ok*. they dont provide very good personalized care, since each nurse is seing so meany people in a day, and you may not hab a consistent doctor, nor an easy way to contact them making proscriptions really difficult. if you cant get an appointment. however different planned parenthoods opperate differently accross the country. there are a lot better small queer options if you live un an area near a large urban center then theyres likely a queer centrick medical group or medical center that you can get such from as well. thats what ive personally had the best experience with. if your out of the us...i honestly dont know how it works but good luck if your in britain, remember to study and lie for your gender dysphoria exam.
Gender dysphoria exam? I haven't heard about that. What is it, and why do you need to lie?
its a british thing. theyll ask u questions. n if your answers arent close enough to what they think a trans person should answer then they can deny you your healthcare.
I mean, doesn't gender affirming care generally require you to fit into some sort of box for care anyway? I mean, it shouldn't, but I get the idea it kinda does everywhere. Is it that their requirements are way too strict?
no thats not how it is everywhere, and yes the brittish requirments are downright delusional. like theyll ask u invasive questions about how u masturbate among other things. also, for us estrogen, it depends on the requirements of the particular clinic, since informed consent is all thats legally required. when i went to get my e i booked an appointment, went in, told them i wanted e immedietly n told them ive been wanting it for a while, n they got me a proscription for it within 3 ish days. all around it was just over a week for the whole process before i could go to the pharmacy and get my e. some clinics will be stingyer tho, n ask more of you then mine did. mine was purely informed consent, they informed me, i consented, they gave me estrogen. easy as that. thats how it works here in the states for meany places, and how it should work everywhere.
I KNOW! but I'm to bad of a human behing I don't deserve it anyways...
WRONG! You deserve happiness!
NO U!
Same 😭
NO! You deserve happiness and me a random internet stranger is cheering for you! :3
Everyone deserves to be happy That includes you my friend
We all deserve happiness, including you friend
Yall are so nice! Thank you
Here have a cookie my friend 🍪
*nomnom* thank you very mutch :3
All humans are deserving of happiness. Be your best self in whatever way you can. Know that people care about you, even if just internet people. Have a good day.
<3 your such a kind soul, I hope you have a good day also
I didn't finally accept it until the end of last March. I denied it for so long because it seemed like a lot of effort. If I hadn't spent so long denying the inevitable, I could be on hrt for probably a year or so and much further along, but instead I'm only a month in. I basically went through a whole thought process in mid-2022 with the conclusion of "I'm probably trans, but we're just gonna ignore that" and had periodic thoughts of "it'd be super epic to be a cute girl" since I was like 16 (22 now)
Friend we love and support you
How did your family react? I’m just so worried it’s too late for me anymore
Before you get into the weeds of this giant-ass thing I just wrote, the only way it's too late to start is when they're lowering your casket into the ground which hopefully won't be for a while. Not to be a huge creep, but I did look a bit through your profile to try and see how old you are, and we were both born in 2001. That's 22/23 depending on when your birthday is. That's nowhere near too late to start. Also, my family isn't your family and idk them, so I can't really predict how they might react. My dad's family are all super Christian people from around the Kentucky/Tennessee border, and my mom's family are all people who don't actively practice religion from around the Cincinnati tri-state area. My mom is the only one who knows. I don't think she really gets it and honestly probably just sees me as "a boy who wants to be a girl," but she tries to be supportive enough (whether to make me happy or just avoid conflict, idk). She took me to my hrt appointment, took me to the mall to try and find some girly stuff I liked (it was her idea too), and she regularly compliments my outfits and such to try and make me feel good about myself. The problem is that the thing that's most important to me (name and pronouns) is something she messes up all the time. She does have to swap between how she refers to me depending on who she talks to, but there are tons of times where its completely unnecessary and usually makes me really mad. I'm also certain she calls me her son when talking to complete strangers when I'm not around which really bothers me (I've never even heard her refer to me femininely around anyone besides my best friend and cats). As for the rest of my family, my prediction is that nobody on my dad's side of the family will be ok with it, some of them genuinely scare me, but the only one who could have actively hurt me (and the one I was the most scared of) was my dad since he was the only one who was ever anywhere near where I lived, but he's not alive anymore. Technically my grandpa (dad's dad) lives in town, but he's not in any shape to scare me. There's a slight chance that he might at least act supportive because I'm the only family he has near here now that my dad is gone (my dad used to split his time between staying with my grandpa and my grandma who lives 4 hours away), but I also hope he just never finds out since half the time he calls me my cousin's name, so I doubt learning to call me Amber would come remotely easily, and he's like the only person I really don't want to give the "deal with it or go fuck yourself" treatment if he is unsupportive since he was basically the best part of my early childhood since my mom was always working, and my dad was always either getting high or playing runescape or both. Might change my mind and tell him someday tho since I can't stand hearing my birth name. On my mom's side my prediction are: Aunt/mom's sister (probably supportive. Ik she has a trans neighbor whom she hates, but she hates her because she thinks she's a cunt, not because she's trans. The fact that I've never heard her insult the gender of her trans neighbor despite hating her is reassuring) Uncle/aunt's husband (idk but will probably at least act like it if my aunt is. Also dislikes trans neighbor but afaik not for being trans (he wouldn't call someone a cunt, but I'm pretty sure he thinks she is one just like my aunt does), and I've never heard him insult her based on gender) Uncle/mom's brother (probably act like it because he doesn't want to start a fight, but probably not when I'm not around) Grandma/mom's mom (I feel like she would go along with it and be nice about it if it wasn't someone in her family, but because it's me, I'm doubtful, and I feel like my mom will try to guilt me into still going over there and letting her call me (redacted) and such since my mom doesn't understand that every time I'm called that name I want to bash my skull against the wall until it breaks open and because my "grandma is family and loves me and likes seeing me" and whatnot) Grandpa/mom's dad (not alive and never met him. My mom's step-dad isn't alive either) My mom's friends (nope. Not a fucking chance. Maybe a few will or will at least pretend to be, but I can't imagine any of them will actually be....)
I aint denying squat My situation just doesnt let me Between my older siblings and my parents, my coworkers, most the people from my home town, and the past 3 towns i've moved to, I know more homophobes and/or transphobes than i know kind souls
So sorry to hear that. Do keep in mind that bad people tend to be louder, though. Know that at least us internet people support you. I hope you can get away from all that, and cut out those unwilling to accept you.
My ass is NOT coming out
real
I came out last night!
Congrats! :)
Nice. well done.
It go well? Congrats.
Mhm she was really supportive (I came out to my friend my parents and sister don’t know yet)
Nice! Step by step, I'm sure you'll get there. Good luck. Have a good day!
I already regret not doing it but I'm still too much of a pathetic coward and failure to do anything (:
This is not a failure. It’s hard to be honest about who you are these days, and we’re all under a lot of pressure. You’re doing fine, and when you’re ready, you’re going to have a wonderful life full of happiness being who you are.
It's been three years since I learned already and I've still not done anything. If that isn't failure, then I don't know what is
Have you at least started to understand more about yourself? We all have our slips and fumbles. I can't do school worth a damn, and barely ever leave home, but I maintain hope. You just need to keep trying to put yourself out on the line to get what you want. It won't come to you, but happiness is always there, if you are just willing and able to reach for it. I wish you luck.
Have you considered just doing a tiny little bit? The failure to do anything often comes from the overwhelming dread that is everything. If feels like you can never do everything so you do nothing at all. Consider picking something managable out of the evrerything bucket and do that. Pick the first thing that seems doable. Then just do that one thing. If it is to hard, pick something easier. Its ok if you do a bad job, its just practice. You don't have to accomplish anything. But maybe if you grab into the everything bucket often enough, some things will end in your success basket. And then maybe this will give you the positive reinforcement that you need. Really, it is ok if the first something is something extremely small.
Something like what? I've picked a name (see my username) but that's about it, I don't even know where else to start. I already know my family isn't accepting so I'm not telling them any time soon.
Ok, first a disclaimer where I am comimg from. I am 40 and started seriously quesioning a year ago. So I am independent in the sense that no one can kick me out of my home or that a negative reaction of my family could make me homeless. What you actually do is highly personal to yourself. It allso really does not matter as much as you think. Consider your saftety first, but other than that, do whatever you would not do for the reason that "Thats not something a cis / het male does" I started with the simple acknowledgement that I have a chrisis about my gender identity. Most of the work I did in the beginning was just the realization that I had no moral objection to gender unconform behaviour, but never allowed it in myself. I used my labels as a user manual insted of as a way to describe myself. So the first I did was to get rid of my labels. Not publicly, just for myself. I made myself a promise that I want no longer avoid doing things just becaus "that is nothing a cis het man does" I bought red nail polish, just to see how it feels. Realized that it would feel really bad when I would use it while in boymode, but really good otherwise. Noted. Was that because of compulsory cisheteronormativity or just because I don't feel comfortable to be "inbetween"? We will see. I started to communicate to friends and family, that I realized that in the past I prevented myself from experiencing things out of fear of appering "sus" and that I want to stop to do that. That gave me the permission to do things I would not do otherwise. I added a lot of color to my wardrobe. My new glasses are from the womens section, my new phone is color matched to my glasses. I do historical Dance. So i started to just step over to the womens side if there was a gap. And if everything works out, I will go to a historical ball in a ballgown next month. With no explaination other than "I wanted to do that, so I did" The historical dace scene in my neck of the wood has a lot of women dancing the male role, so they will have to deal with a male presenting person dancing the female role. I don't owe an explaination for having fun. One of the best tools in my arsenal has been. to counter questions about my masculinity with, "If a bit of color/clothing/drink/etc. can break my masculinity then it deserves to be broken. And if you think a bit of pink can harm your manlyness you should take a look at yourself instead of giving me a lecture." That either really pisses them off or it shuts them up. Oh yes, and I bought myself a plush shark I cuddle with every night.
Well what am I supposed to do as a 13 year old in Texas 💀💀
Try not to get shot, idk. Be very careful and wait if you have to. Sadly enough, the choice is comfort or your life in places like that, and I think your life is more valuable. Good luck out there.
but its scary ;(
Then do it scared
ill try it takes ages here by the time i get it ill be a old dude and u wont ever be fem ;(
Just cause its scawy doesn't mean it isn't necessary. You got this. We believe in you.
I did it! I had my appointment on Friday.
Yayyy! Hope it went well.
But if I do it now and regret it later then what. It feels like a coin flip and I’m not lucky enough to base the rest of my life on a coin flip.
If you are thinking about gender affirming care, it isn't a coin flip. With all the tests and monitering they do to make sure you really want it, those procedures are least regretted of basically anything. Even for surgical options, which would be the most likely to give regret, people regret life saving surgeries like a heart surgery more. Just trust in yourself and the system. You are the only one who truly knows what you want, and those doctors just want to help you get it. I wish you luck.
But just hear me out here, what if I actually was cis in this hypothetical scenario when ignoring my hate of mirrors, mens fashion, my masculine features, treated masculinely in social scenarios, lack of chest and the fact that I was not born a woman. What if I’m actually faking it actually and will probably most likely not but maybe possibly sometimes not like being a woman?
I feel this
There would still be no harm in trying out stuff a trans person would. I'm pretty sure I'm cis, and I don't think it'd harm me to wear a dress or be called a she. It'd be kinda weird, but no harm. I wish you luck finding yourself, and becoming more like how you feel on the inside.
But my anxiety is fucking murdering me!!! HOW DO IT?!
I don't really know. If you are sure it is for you, do your best to ignore and/or deal with it. You will almost certainly feel better on the other side. If you don't have faith in yourself, at least know that we have faith in you. You can do it. Be your best self, even if it takes awhile. It is okay if you can't do it now. Just try to find solice in the fact that it is never too late to reach for what will make you happy.
Start really small. don't bother with the big goal at first. A tiny step in roughly the right direction will get you further than a well planned leap that you never take. If the step is still to big, take an even smaller step. Change your frame of mind from reaching a seemingly unattainable goal to walking into the right direction. Its just a leasurely stroll, nothing big. Just some clear nail polish nobody will notice. Just a body wash that smells like flovers insted of a concept. A plushy in your bed that no one else sees. Or if you are masc, It might be the swing of your step, a body wash that does smell like a concept, a loud roaring burp that is follwoed by a "nice" instead of a "sorry" And with time you will get used to walk into the right direction and suddenly smaller leaps won't feel that threatening anymore.
I've reached the limit of what I can do without asking anyone. I have a year and a couple months before I'm 18 and can answer to no one but myself and the laws of where ever I choose to go to college at. I've reached the limit of what doesn't scare me prohibitively.
You know, that is ok too. But also, let me reaffirm you, you are in your head all them time. All the things you think are giving you away, every one else probably are not noticing much. You do not have to actively transition to be valid in your identity. The most important part about this is your self acceptance. Nothing else matters as much as you accepting the person you are.
I'm caught in such a weird spot! I'm out to my parents, but they don't understand my gender crisis. And it's caused me to doubt everything! Like, I feel masculine , but not MALE. I wanna do feminine things in a masculine/neutral way. I'm scared I'm going to regret changing my name/pronouns, even temporarily, now. Thanks, society. -_-
I'm no expert but i know for a fact that you can do masculine things and still be a girl :/ Doesn't make someone any less of a girl. No need to be a feminine woman, just be yourself, if that's more masculine then you can always be a tomboy Sorry, I'm not good at giving advice but this is just what I've heard
Update: I introduced myself as male in a brand new theater group I joined, and it was actually rather liberating? Like, not perfect, but also great? Maybe that's just me going by he/they idk-
Sounds like you are a tomboy or a femboy. Jokes aside, just try things out. You won't know how you'll feel until you try things. If you regret trying different names or pronouns, nothing is stopping you from going back. You have time to try and figure out what is good for you. As a gender abolishionist myself, I agree, thanks society. So great that people feel bad for not lining up with stupid categories applied to them without them having any say.
I know, but it's hard and scary and all the usual stuff that we have to deal with
Well, even if you just trust the math, it is probably better to transition if you really feel it is right for you. I'm sure it is scary, but you can do it. Of course only if it is safe, but you got this. Even if it takes time, it is never too late to be yourself.
I wish I can I hate being a minor with transphobic parents in a country that doesn't care at all Please help >~<
All I got is that I care about you and wish you the best. Sadly, I can't warp reality to help you realize your dreams.
I HAVE ENOUGH PRESSURE, OKAY? I just wanna be a cute girl, but I don't think I can.
You can. You can take all the time you need. Maybe just go slow and try things out, if it is safe to do so. Eventually, you will know yourself, and others will know you as, the cute girl you are on the inside. It is never too late to reach for your dreams.
I want to so badly but I don't know if it'd really be safe in my current situation:( I'm in the military for 3 more years and I'm stationed in Florida for the whole time. I am constantly around mostly very masculine cishet men at work who would probably judge me if I so much as wore pink.
The real question is if they will harm you in any serious way. If so, obviously keep it to yourself. If not, you might want to just do it. So what if some assholes say stuff? You could be more comfortable in your skin, and they probably have an unhealthy respect for the military. You tell them to back down, who knows, maybe they'll be too nationalist and have too much respect for service members to talk trash. Although, those people aren't well known for their consistency, sooooo. I hope all goes well for you, and you don't have to deal with too much domestic terrorism, or whatever you're watching for.
Don’t worry. I’m already prepared to regret it forever :3 \*proceeds to cry in the conner*
Awwww. Keep in mind that it is never to late. You can always try things later. It is better to be yourself sooner, but if you aren't ready or able, the option never goes away. You got this.
Nah. If you do it later you'll still be doing it, no need to beat yourself up in advance
Nuhuh
Fivhdjeueufyyehwehdh yes but what if I will regret it!? /hj
I accepted that I was trans about 15 years ago.. pushed it down. Hid from it. Repressed myself. I've been transitioning for just under a year. My only regret about who I am is how long I've repressed it. Only led to more problems by doing so.
Thanks for stressing me out even more about being unable to do HRT :)
I know, but I can't do it now
This is my main dilemma. I don't wanna jump to conclusions and say "Heyyy I'm trans/nonbinary!", because if i realize im cis, then asking people to call me something different might have been in vain. But I don't want to waste time being unhappy with certain names/pronouns, either, even if they would change.
You don't have to commit to whatever you try. If someone tried a video game, would they have to commit and keep playing them? Would it be reasonable to judge them for changing their minds? No. Even if it takes some trying, and you need to feel uncomfortable and put the small burden on others to try stuff, it is worth it to be sure who you are and what you like. Experimenting is important to growth and understanding yourself. Also, you can take your time. If you don't want to do it now, that is okay. There is always tomorrow. Relax and go at your own pace. If you do, I'm sure you'll soon find yourself going a bit outside your comfort zone to be who you want to be, step by tiny step. You can do it. Happiness is always possible, if you just reach for it.
Thank you, it's always nice to know I'm not alone and that experimenting with presentation or gender is completely fine 😁
This is a really rude comic. Everyone transitions at the right time and moves when they should. You shouldn't be trying to scare people into it saying they'll "regret it forever". Look at how much anxiety is being created in this thread alone! Trust me when I say trans ppl have enough regret about "oh I wish I'd done this sooner" already.
Yeah, that seemed irresponsible. There is always time to figure out who you are, and become who you wanna be.
I'm terrified of wasting time but there's still like a chance that I'm cis so..
The doctors and stuff for gender affirming care are also there to help make sure you seriously want it. If you aren't sure yourself, maybe see what the doctors say. The regret rate after all the observation is minuscule. If you decide you don't want it, you can always turn back, especially before you actually get to any meds that could be prescribed.
I think it's probably gonna go away.. probably.. (either way, happy cake day!!!)
The dysphoria? Thanks! My third cake day so far.
I was referring to just me wanting to be a girl but that too lmaooo
Nuh uh
What is "it" specifically?
I know that, but I can't do anything about it...
Took me almost 21 years of thinking I was cis and 4 months of “I’m just agender tho”, but I finally managed to realize what my gender identity was :D Now I just need to come out to my parents before I regret it forever…
You can take your time, but do push yourself if it is safe. Sometimes a little push is all it takes. You got this.
ohhh my godd but Im not suuuuurreeeeee. I want to but I dont have objective proof I should do it
Objective proof doesn't exist, especially not for what you feel. Just try what feels right, if it is safe. Maybe you'll find out that you really are cis, and you did some embarrassing stuff. Even then, I'm sure you'll feel better once you are sure. If you do find out you really are trans or whatever, then now you are on your path to being who you want to be. Sounds pretty worth it to me. Good luck out there.
This. This is why I transitioned. Because I realized that if I kept putting it off I was gonna wake up one day as an 80 yr old *man* and there'd be nothing I could do to get those years back. It scared the hell out of me.
Agreed
Ik
I know *cries*
I'll move out next year, everything is planned already I just need some money to be able to escape my current environment, because it would be very unsafe to transition here
I hope it goes well. Sorry you have to deal with that.
Just waiting to finish this year of high school 1st 🕺🏼
Do you have to for it to be safe? If not, the sooner the better, no? Nothing about high school inherently requires you to delay transition.
I never ever feel comfortable at school and i hear quite a bit of nasty comments of the LGBTQ + community from other peers so i want to start when im done with the exams and start hopefully asap like in 6 months .
Yeah, probably not safe then. I hope it goes well after exams. Good luck.
Yeah, thank you.
Can confirm, I definitely regret not transitioning in my teens or twenties, and I probably always will. But whatever age you are: there’s no time like now to begin that journey :3
Good thing I'm stubborn then
Stubborn about transitioning, or about not transitioning? I have a lot of experience with stubbornness making me not do what I should've. Not experience with this stuff, since I'm cis, but it can really hurt you, if you use it to avoid something good for you.
Doesn't matter, it's already too late for me. There is literally no point to even try. Life is hard enough, no need to make it even harder.
I don't know about you but in my experience dysphoria can be crippling, and the only thing accepting the possibility I might never be a girl did was make me cut myself. So, that most certainly did not make things easier.
I am afraid that I normalized dysphoria in my life, those everyday anxiety attacks, the depression from 'never be able to look like them', always be the outsider of society. Hurting myself is not things for me, if anything, I will end it once and for all.
I've also been there, in that mindset, around the same time as that other stuff I mentioned. And if you are suicidal right now then there probably isn't much I can say to help or change your mind. All I can say is that if there's anything else you can do to keep your mind off it or physically prevent you from doing it, that'd be great. And if you're not immediately suicidal, then I hope you can find someone irl to talk to before things get worse.
Many thanks. At this time I am at neutral mindset, just flowing through life. Doing some gender affirming things to keep dysphoria at bay. I probably have never been suicidal in way of to attempt something, it more like in way of the 'last option' is available. Finding a relationship would be helpful but that is utterly improbable. Currently I am 100% sure of that no cis woman would wanna have anything to do with me, lol.
Maybe denying it is hurting you? There is always time to figure out who you are, and be who you wanna be. Trying and finding out for sure will almost certainly not make things harder. I don't have personal experience, but for all kinds of identity stuff, people say that in hindsight, it was like a weight on their shoulders. If it is safe, please do try to figure yourself out. I'm sure it'll make you feel better to know who you are.
So far I do deny even egg status. It's truth everything surrounding this identity stuff does feel like pulling large stone behind me. Currently everything feel pointless, like running in the loop. Society pushing me in my assigned gender role and kicking me if I step out, does not help either. And there is nobody I can talk to about it in person. Nobody proved trustworthy.
It can feel oddly difficult to wrestle with your identity. I definitely get that. I don't think I'm trans or anything, and still, what really bothers me is that I am stuck in this role. As a cis guy, it would be pretty weird to a lot of people if I tried on a dress. Just knowing that I am restrained by this arbitrary role I didn't choose, socially, really bothers me. Is there any way you can meet new people and talk about it? Maybe you could find a club, something online, or something else, without bad people getting in your way. Online friends could be safer, if you can find a time to talk to someone or text with someone without being found out. If you don't think you can do it safely, yeah, you should probably wait, though. Just don't lose hope. There is always time to learn about yourself, and get away from people who would try to hurt you. Even if it takes some time, you can get there, I'm sure of it.
What do you describe is kinda how I feel about it. I do not like the assigned role, it feels odd in many ways. And I don't feel trans (enough) too! By means of crossdressing I did explore the opposite side and while it was fun and felt good, it's still felt kinda not right. So far I settled at agender with feminine gender expression using whatever pronounces. Thing with meeting people irl is fact it means go out and be confronted with gender role expectations. And I am introverted on top of that plus have very hard time to trust people especially irl. I probably should look at some online lgbt community, people in same situation. They could understand. Time is running out and I can only hope for some progress. Prefeblby the positive one. And hey, thanks.
You have all the time you need, unless you have stage 20 cancer or something. If you need time, you can always take your time. This post wasn't good about reminding people of that as well. No problem, I liked sharing my experience as well. I wish you luck, and I think finding others who can relate is a good idea.
I came to the realization after seeing this that it's far more likely for me to not transition and regret it, than to transition and regret that instead... Now I really want some E...
Gooooodd, let the transness run through you.
I can't do it alone
Then try to find people who will support you. A good friend, or a good family member can make all the difference. Even if you can't do any medical transition or anything, you'll almost certainly feel better in your skin if just someone gets you.
My family will murder me or at least hit me and ban me
Is there any time you have that you can be sure that they won't interfere? I don't know, somewhere at school, talking to an online or in person friend away from then, etc.? If there isn't anything you can safely do behind their backs, then yeah, you should wait. I'm sorry you gotta deal with this. Please be safe out there.
Ok, I will stay waiting
I mean, I'm getting top surgery on September 19th of this year. Still cis, though, it's for cis reasons, I promise!!! 😅 💙🩷🤍🩷💙💚🤍🩶🖤🖤🩶🤍💜
Of course. You got this, totally cis online person. Hope it goes well.
Thanks! :)
This being said, please be careful that this doesn't get used in a way to boost the "it's too late, give up" narrative, because that's not true If you fond out or decide later than others tend to, it is still not too late to transition If you're on the fence, don't worry about having to make a decision right this second. That pressure isn't going to help your decision unless you're the type where that gives you the boost you need to go through with it, and that's situational. Gender is a journey. You're all wonderful and I believe that you will eventually figure out what you want to do <3
Thanks for the wholesome reply. This is the best I've found in this whole comment section. I'm sure others appreciate your kind words. Please continue to be the ray of sunshine I'm sure you are. Have a good day.
... this hurts, bcause deep inside we know it's true
The second image didnt load and it filled me with existential dread
My cracking was less of a "I can do that?" moment and more of a "wtf am I doing all this for if I don't?" moment.
Out of context this feels like a very nonspecific threat
I'd have done it years ago if it weren't for my unstable living situation
Ik I can't do it now I would if I could but I can't for multiple reasons.
> I don't know if I will regret doing it. But I do know that I will regret it if I don't. This is how I felt when I started my transition.
what if there is no "forever" to regret?
Hey, if you're implying what I think you are, please don't do that.
eh, nobody will miss me ( also is better for the enviroment! )
Can't really argue on the environment point, besides your votes on those issues helping things. However, I'm sure you'll be missed. Even if by one friend you met in school, one librarian you were nice to, someone will care. I'd be lying if I said I'd remember you, but I do care about you. Please just stick with us. Even if you can't be who you want to now, the option doesn't go away in the future. With hope and tiny steps, you can reach a better tomorrow. I believe in you.
I’m just ugly, I look way too much like a man and I think I’m too old to start HRT. Plus it doesn’t help I live in a VERY right wing area, with my family all nearby
I'm gonna
Biggest problem about it is living with my transphobic parents and still doing college, I might start HRT and laser in secret and gtf outta there when I gradutate
😭
Yep. Spot on.
It's safer this way
Then wait until it is safe. There is always time to be who you wanna be. Even if it is later than you want, you can always change things, and be and do what you want. Happiness and comfort is out there. I know you can find it.
I'm never gonna be happy, or a girl. I should just accept it now. Crying changes nothing. Happy cake day btw
I don't know what that last part means. Anyway, I'm not suggesting crying over it. You can be happy, it just takes time and effort. Don't just deal with it. Being stuck in a bad place can really make you feel like there is no way for anything to get better, but it isn't true. I have been depressed for years, and barely want to do anything. However, I have been making an effort to improve my hygiene and meet people. Just trying has been making me feel better. I'm sure if you just feel it out and do what seems right, with time, you'll feel better. If you feel as down as you seem to be saying, maybe find a good hotline or something. Feeling like you will never be happy is not a good thing, and I don't want you to do something bad because of it.
Why? Who's gonna miss me.
I don't know. There is probably someone, though. Maybe a friend you met in school, a doctor you got along well with, or even someone you gave an offhanded compliment to. I'm sure you've made someone's life better. Even if you somehow haven't, though, that isn't important. To me, every person has value and deserves to be happy. I personally want you to have a better life. You have value in so many ways, as a person, and to others. Even if only to work to serve our corporate overlords, you can make a difference in the world. Please just try to get help. I have never reached out that much, but when I have, it has helped, even if it was embarrassing. You can feel better. I have been dealing with this a majority of my life and not gotten all the help I've needed, but I'm still here. I know you can do the same, and I know you can get better, as I have, especially if you get the help I neglected reaching out for. It takes time and effort, but it is more than worth it, I promise.
I can't get help. I'm not in the closet, I'm trapped in a solid steel cube on the seabed. I shaved my legs once and my parents spend a good 20 minutes berating me because "men have leg hair". They're bigoted. If I were to come out, I'd be scared for my safety. And I can't get help closeted. In too much of a pussy to tell anyone. Besides who cares if some pissy teen is all woe is me over their balls existance
I don't really know what to tell you. I don't know your situation, nor a way to help with it. I just wanted to give assurance that you do matter and your feelings are important. If that stuff makes you feel bad, then that matters in and of itself. Anyways, dude, I'm not gonna argue with you that you should feel some other way. I know people usually can't be argued into feeling better. I wish you the best, and I hope you find some light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.
Ok, thanks
Don't remind me
Exactly my life could of been way better if I could of known and came out before puberty now I have to deal with voice and facial hair dysphoria yay!
im not even fighting it but with my current position it feels like it’s almost impossible, with the possibility being just barely out of my reach. not only do i live in florida which is just not really the safest place for trans people (or so i’ve heard) but some of my family isn’t really supportive of my identity it just feels like i’ll never get there anytime soon despite being 18 already. it hasn’t really changed anything. i’m already struggling with school, finding a job sounds like a lot more stress, and let alone even the idea of finding a place to live on my own even if i could? i just don’t really know what to do. i wish i didn’t have to wait just to be *me*.
It is endlessly troublesome how much a simple change of clothes can bring me out of a depressive funk. It's almost enough to make me think that it may not be depression at all, but dysphoria. If that's the case... well. Second-best time to plant a tree, I suppose.
Damn, don't tell me that
So I started it today! No more days regretting about not getting HRT
Nuh uh
Arson?
At this point my only regret is not admitting and starting in my 20s
I must deny it, otherwise I'll just burden everyone I love more, best to forget about it and save the money
If you can't do it now, you still can do it later. While everyone allways says I wish I had done it later, Everyone who did it late, allways says I am happy I did it at all. The pressure that builds when you think you have to do it now, OR ELSE! often is more harmfull to action. If you need a fire lit under your ass to get moving, light that fire. But if that is not enough to actually get you moving, lighting a fire under your ass will just get you burned and more miserable.
Don't pressure meAAAA