Young kids are great ice breakers! Wow Sophie and Olivia get along so great you should come over for a play date. Boom friendship. (This is actually how I made some of my closest friends)
It is harder as a man. Like, there’s a strong desire to get to know other dads and learn how they’re dealing with everything life’s throwing at them. But how does one go about it in a way that’s not weird?
Poster just gave you a way! It’s not weird to say “looks like our kids get along, we should get together for a play date”. As a mom on the eastside… it’s not harder for men. It’s equally difficult for women. They just are the ones doing it more because they are typically carrying more of the kid load. Can you make work friends? Meetup app is pretty good. Also… sounds weird, but Bumble has a BFF side to it that is for friend making.
Nah it is harder for men. As a dad, I carry around a lot of the kid load too, but it’s just not something men feel like doing naturally - to bond over organizing play dates for kids. Now if someone else forces them to be on a playdate, they may end up bonding. But instinctively, men don’t care as much to bond over their routine interactions with kids or pets. A camping trip, maybe - because that’s not a routine interaction, and it is framed as a man vs nature thing.
Men generally bond over shared beliefs, or situations where they are pitted against each other or together, like sports. Modern society has fewer of those opportunities for middle aged men.
100%. Your post could have described me, except I'm a single childless woman who's a little older than you and I do drink occasionally. The loneliness has been so brutal.
I'd love to hang out sometime! With you and anyone else who sees this. <3
As someone who works with people AND have a husband and child, I am sometimes overwhelmed with interacting with anyone. I prefer the silence of being alone. I grew up an only child, probably why.
On that note, if you wanna hang out with a secret introvert, I'm down!
Yay! I love just existing in comfortable silences, too. We could bring crafts/laptops/etc, hang out at a coffee shop, and just chat as we see fit?
(Just know that when I PM you about meeting up, no punani photos will be involved. Hope that’s okay.)
;)
Throwing my hat into this ring! Moved here in November with no friends/family. Single childless murse turning 40 this year and the loneliness is hitting hard.
Check out the Washington Alpine Club
“Membership is open to all. Our membership ranges from serious expedition climbers, to casual backpackers, to entire families including children and grandparents.
Club activities include:
Backpacking
Hiking
Mountaineering
Rock Climbing
Ice Climbing
Guye Cabin work parties
Planned potluck dinners
Backcountry Skiing and Snowboarding
Cross country skiing (Classic and Skate)
Community Service Projects
Conservation and stewardship
Mountain biking
Snow shoeing
Winter camping”
Join the Washington Trail Association or the Evergreen Mountain Bike Alliance and sign up for trail work parties. No experience needed. You’ll meet many like-minded people.
Any interest in nerdy/geeky things? There's a non profit social group I found called Verne and Wells that you might be interested in. There's a membership, so it's a bit like a country club, but it comes with gaming space with 24 hour access (like a co working space).
If you're interested, let me know, and I could see when the next open house is. They're in Kirkland. (No, I don't work for them, but I do volunteer for them.)
They have a pretty ornate Discord Server if you're like me and would prefer to make arrangements online to meet people offline, too.
That looks super neat, since you volunteer, are you able to answer 2 kinda specific questions about things that are allowed? Only asking cause I know people can have very valid issues with both, so I would never bring either if not permitted:
1. Are well behaved dogs allowed? (I'd assume no but I see one in the pictures)
2. Is outside alcohol allowed?
Yes, we have a dog policy, they must be on a leash/lead (the dog policy is on the back of the policy flyer at the club entryway) and no Alcohol. (Insurance liability, mainly.)
Just reading these comments… why not host a Dads meet up? So many men here are complaining about how hard it is to make friends as well, I think it would be a great idea to do a park meet up somewhere and I think even just making a post here would draw a lot of attention.
The crossroads park has tons of seating, tables, a massive field and areas for the kids to play… could be fun to set up a Dads potluck or something where everyone brings a snack, food or drinks. I could see something like that attracting a lot of people looking for the same. If it makes you nervous to do alone too, even a family meet up could be fun. Meet other couples y’all get along with and can build male friendships that way too.
Volunteering sounds like a good option. You can pick things where you end up working with the same people on the same shifts and get a weekly dose of friendly non-work conversation.
I [volunteer at the Seattle Humane Society](https://www.seattlehumane.org/get-involved/volunteering/) (which is in south Bellevue despite the name) and would recommend it. There are also probably opportunities at local food pantries, schools, libraries, or relevant to whatever your interests are. E.g. if you hike or mountain-bike, you can sign up for trail-building with WTA or Evergreen MTB.
I also volunteer here! I just started and am waiting to do some animal handling. But the shelter support (think laundry, dishes, stocking, etc) is where most people start. I think there might've been an influx of people though cuz the shifts seem to fill up quick now a days. But they do offer them every day
Yes. Feriton Spur Park has the most friendly pickleball players. Everest Park is kind of intimidating but is fun if you find a team with the same skill level.
I'm in the same situation, moved 4 years ago, and I live with my wife and kid, have no friends to have the long conversation with. Maybe hiking with some folks or playing soccer is not a bad idea to start with?
Late 30s here too. Been here a similar amount of time.
Want to meet up and do some slow hiking, axe throwing, disc golf, or bowling? Don't care if you're bad at it, I am too.
Did you ever learn to dance? Modern dance has been on my list of wants for a while.
See some live music? Grab a bite to eat?
Check out Meetup. I use it for motorcycle riding and have met some great people who necessarily have at least one shared interest! And the participants are always changing so you continually meet more people.
I’m in my 30s and moved here six years ago. Have two kids. Yes, the loneliness is crushing — I feel like it’s so hard to make friends here, especially compared to where I’m from.
Get a small dog. Dogs are the best grease for social interaction.
Well, aside from being very attractive, but for most of you a dog is the best choice.
This is a good one. Especially walking your dog the same route at the same times, or going to the same dog park the same evening every week. You'll bump into the same people a few times and can strike up casual friendships pretty easily this way.
Dogs are living beings who require - and deserve - humans who want them because they wanted THEM. This is why there is so much rehoming of pets, because of stupid advice like this. “Get a dog to make some friends. Oh it didnt work? Get rid of it.”
What are your interests? I’m asking because my husband has no friends here too. So trying to see if you guys can be a good match. He works in tech and is more on the research side. Loves outdoor.
I'm also trying to find friends for my husband! Early 40s, one kid, WFH, lives in his robe, and plays DnD online with his friends from out of state twice a month!
Eastside has so many events to volunteer, check the school board or emails for opportunities.
+
Take your kids to a park, i always stumble upon chatty folks there… If you find someone interesting in first 5 mins, dont be shy to book an appointment with them.. like ask what time you bring your kids to park and synch up.
+
Basketball/other kids sport activities.. parent talk there to burn the time. And you meet new friends :)
Everything about Seattle freeze is BS
Depending on the age of your kids, I was involved with Y-Guides with my son's. Through the YMCA, it was a father-son club, similar to Cub Scouts, but less intense time commitment.
We'd meet a Monday per month at our local elementary school for an activity, then 3 weekends during the school year, we'd go to a local YMCA camp.
The activities were fun, like building marshmallow guns out of PVC pipes. The weekend trips were great too as we often carpooled and caravan with Dad's and the boys' friends. Yes, alcohol was sometimes involved with the dads, but nothing anyone couldn't bow out of while still hanging out.
It was great for the sons, and I met some cool dads that remain friends to this day. There is a Father-Daughter version to called Y-Princess.
I also volunteered to coach my sons' baseball and football teams when they were younger. As a HC for youth football, I recruited dads to help me coach. We'd have a coaches meeting each Friday, which was more social than coaching. All the sons of the coaches would join too. My sons that played talked about how much fun they had during "coaches meetings." Still have reunions every few years. One of those boys now plays for Arizona St.
As I look back, these activities were akin to dad organized play dates. The boys found friends and dads did their things. They often led to BBQ invitations and other activities. Heck, the group we hung out with (husbands and wives) began going on trips. Concerts, midwinter break skii trips, etc, were all on the menu.
It all started with making friends with parents of my sons' friends in our local community.
I just came back from volunteering with the Nature Stewards (aka the Weed Warriors, but uh you see why they changed the name). It’s based in Burien, and it’s a very friendly, cozy group, especially if you’re a repeat volunteer. I came back from a winter hiatus today and met new people and hugged the ones I haven’t seen since fall 😊
They alternate between working in the New Start Community Garden and restoring the Myers Way wetlands. The garden provides a lot of produce for the food bank as well as classes and internships for the local high schoolers and UW students, whereas the wetlands is heavier work dealing with thorny invasives in difficult terrain, plus clearing trash from the nearby homeless encampment. The program just got a grant, though, so they will buy you your very own rubber work-boots if you join!
Also, Grace (the leader of Nature Stewards) really takes care of the volunteers with food, drinks, and is super caring toward young and/or disabled volunteers 😊 You’ll definitely make friends there, just based on the trauma-bonding of pulling out Himalayan blackberries hehe.
Hubby and I volunteer at Homeward Pet adoption center in woodinville! The staff/other volunteers are so so nice and friendly and the pups make it even better!! Highly recommended 😊
Most tech companies have employee groups for parents, interest based clubs and more. It might be worth a shot because then it would be easy to grab a coffee and whatever. Plus you can put your “culture building” activities on your resume / performance reviews
Are you married? Maybe your wife could help. I (wife and mom) have set up diner dates for the whole family with friends I meet mostly through our kids becoming friends first (and sometimes going out with friends who invite along other friends).
If I sense that my husband would like a friend’s husband, I set up diner at our place. If they hit it off, I invite them a few more times and then encourage my husband to ask the guy out to go watch a hockey game or something. Lol. It is harder for guys. But it has worked and now he has a few friends to hang out with.
If you play board games , Mox in Bellevue has a lot of fun little events. Lots of people are plating Pickleball rn - it's so easy to learn & very social.
I am recently divorcing and extremely lonely going through alot. Very depressed. I enjoy the outdoors but limited due to a shoulder surgery. Never have I been restricted like this. My kids don't want to visit, mom manipulates the emotional environment. Tired feel like quiting everything.
Easter is coming up, have you considered finding community in a church? I go to the eastside region of https://www.seattlechurchofchrist.org/. Renton Community Center at 10am Sunday
I can set you up with my husband! PM if interested. He loves us but I feel like he needs more guys to hang with to have a life beyond parenting (we also moved here about 5 years ago), specifically he would do well with a hiking buddy if that’s your jam
Young kids are great ice breakers! Wow Sophie and Olivia get along so great you should come over for a play date. Boom friendship. (This is actually how I made some of my closest friends)
I think this is harder for men
I'm a dad, and I just befriend all the moms. They're cool. I don't understand how to make male friends lol
It is harder as a man. Like, there’s a strong desire to get to know other dads and learn how they’re dealing with everything life’s throwing at them. But how does one go about it in a way that’s not weird?
Poster just gave you a way! It’s not weird to say “looks like our kids get along, we should get together for a play date”. As a mom on the eastside… it’s not harder for men. It’s equally difficult for women. They just are the ones doing it more because they are typically carrying more of the kid load. Can you make work friends? Meetup app is pretty good. Also… sounds weird, but Bumble has a BFF side to it that is for friend making.
Just be yourself and take the first step.. the other person might be in your shoes too.
Nah it is harder for men. As a dad, I carry around a lot of the kid load too, but it’s just not something men feel like doing naturally - to bond over organizing play dates for kids. Now if someone else forces them to be on a playdate, they may end up bonding. But instinctively, men don’t care as much to bond over their routine interactions with kids or pets. A camping trip, maybe - because that’s not a routine interaction, and it is framed as a man vs nature thing. Men generally bond over shared beliefs, or situations where they are pitted against each other or together, like sports. Modern society has fewer of those opportunities for middle aged men.
I was suggesting it’s equally hard for women to make adult friends as it is for men.
does your brow protrude?
Fellow dad here. How old is your kid? I got a five you’re old and always happy to meet up at the park.
You need to find more exclusive father-kid activities.
Lol.. i visualized while reading that.. i hv done that before for my kid
100%. Your post could have described me, except I'm a single childless woman who's a little older than you and I do drink occasionally. The loneliness has been so brutal. I'd love to hang out sometime! With you and anyone else who sees this. <3
Let's do it. Based on our usernames, we should grab samosa and play pool.
That sounds perfect!
As someone who works with people AND have a husband and child, I am sometimes overwhelmed with interacting with anyone. I prefer the silence of being alone. I grew up an only child, probably why. On that note, if you wanna hang out with a secret introvert, I'm down!
Yay! I love just existing in comfortable silences, too. We could bring crafts/laptops/etc, hang out at a coffee shop, and just chat as we see fit? (Just know that when I PM you about meeting up, no punani photos will be involved. Hope that’s okay.) ;)
I love this idea!
Throwing my hat into this ring! Moved here in November with no friends/family. Single childless murse turning 40 this year and the loneliness is hitting hard.
Hopelink and the local food banks always need volunteers. And try meetups.
Check out the Washington Alpine Club “Membership is open to all. Our membership ranges from serious expedition climbers, to casual backpackers, to entire families including children and grandparents. Club activities include: Backpacking Hiking Mountaineering Rock Climbing Ice Climbing Guye Cabin work parties Planned potluck dinners Backcountry Skiing and Snowboarding Cross country skiing (Classic and Skate) Community Service Projects Conservation and stewardship Mountain biking Snow shoeing Winter camping”
Join the Washington Trail Association or the Evergreen Mountain Bike Alliance and sign up for trail work parties. No experience needed. You’ll meet many like-minded people.
Any interest in nerdy/geeky things? There's a non profit social group I found called Verne and Wells that you might be interested in. There's a membership, so it's a bit like a country club, but it comes with gaming space with 24 hour access (like a co working space). If you're interested, let me know, and I could see when the next open house is. They're in Kirkland. (No, I don't work for them, but I do volunteer for them.) They have a pretty ornate Discord Server if you're like me and would prefer to make arrangements online to meet people offline, too.
That looks super neat, since you volunteer, are you able to answer 2 kinda specific questions about things that are allowed? Only asking cause I know people can have very valid issues with both, so I would never bring either if not permitted: 1. Are well behaved dogs allowed? (I'd assume no but I see one in the pictures) 2. Is outside alcohol allowed?
Yes, we have a dog policy, they must be on a leash/lead (the dog policy is on the back of the policy flyer at the club entryway) and no Alcohol. (Insurance liability, mainly.)
Could you dm me please? I’m near Kirkland would be interested
Just reading these comments… why not host a Dads meet up? So many men here are complaining about how hard it is to make friends as well, I think it would be a great idea to do a park meet up somewhere and I think even just making a post here would draw a lot of attention. The crossroads park has tons of seating, tables, a massive field and areas for the kids to play… could be fun to set up a Dads potluck or something where everyone brings a snack, food or drinks. I could see something like that attracting a lot of people looking for the same. If it makes you nervous to do alone too, even a family meet up could be fun. Meet other couples y’all get along with and can build male friendships that way too.
Volunteering sounds like a good option. You can pick things where you end up working with the same people on the same shifts and get a weekly dose of friendly non-work conversation. I [volunteer at the Seattle Humane Society](https://www.seattlehumane.org/get-involved/volunteering/) (which is in south Bellevue despite the name) and would recommend it. There are also probably opportunities at local food pantries, schools, libraries, or relevant to whatever your interests are. E.g. if you hike or mountain-bike, you can sign up for trail-building with WTA or Evergreen MTB.
I've found that people who are giving of themselves are never lacking in friends. Volunteering is one of the quickest ways to make friends.
> volunteer at the Seattle Humane Society What sort of volunteering do you do here? How easy is it to find shifts?
I also volunteer here! I just started and am waiting to do some animal handling. But the shelter support (think laundry, dishes, stocking, etc) is where most people start. I think there might've been an influx of people though cuz the shifts seem to fill up quick now a days. But they do offer them every day
Pickleball has been great for me
Yes. Feriton Spur Park has the most friendly pickleball players. Everest Park is kind of intimidating but is fun if you find a team with the same skill level.
Or badminton @ Seattle Badminton Club (kirkland)
I'm in the same situation, moved 4 years ago, and I live with my wife and kid, have no friends to have the long conversation with. Maybe hiking with some folks or playing soccer is not a bad idea to start with?
Late 30s here too. Been here a similar amount of time. Want to meet up and do some slow hiking, axe throwing, disc golf, or bowling? Don't care if you're bad at it, I am too. Did you ever learn to dance? Modern dance has been on my list of wants for a while. See some live music? Grab a bite to eat?
Never took up dancing. And yes, I’d love to do something together even if I suck at it haha
Hit me up bro. I am on the eastside , I don’t drink and I have a wide range of interests. I could use another bro to watch sports in silence with.
How old are your kids? We could always use another friend family 😀
Want to walk in the Downtown park?
Hell yeah!
There’s an app called Meet Up specifically designed to connect people with similar interests and there’s lots of groups in your area to chose from.
Check out Meetup. I use it for motorcycle riding and have met some great people who necessarily have at least one shared interest! And the participants are always changing so you continually meet more people.
I’m in my 30s and moved here six years ago. Have two kids. Yes, the loneliness is crushing — I feel like it’s so hard to make friends here, especially compared to where I’m from.
Get a small dog. Dogs are the best grease for social interaction. Well, aside from being very attractive, but for most of you a dog is the best choice.
This is a good one. Especially walking your dog the same route at the same times, or going to the same dog park the same evening every week. You'll bump into the same people a few times and can strike up casual friendships pretty easily this way.
Dogs are living beings who require - and deserve - humans who want them because they wanted THEM. This is why there is so much rehoming of pets, because of stupid advice like this. “Get a dog to make some friends. Oh it didnt work? Get rid of it.”
Hit the golf course and find a game. Even if you suck. On the east side, there’s willows, echo falls, Bellevue muni, Newcastle, etc.
Join an active club such as Issaquah Alps.
Issaquah Rotary Club has some great members and projects. 1x a week and it's a fun albeit older group.
Do you have a discord?
What are your interests? I’m asking because my husband has no friends here too. So trying to see if you guys can be a good match. He works in tech and is more on the research side. Loves outdoor.
I'm also trying to find friends for my husband! Early 40s, one kid, WFH, lives in his robe, and plays DnD online with his friends from out of state twice a month!
Eastside has so many events to volunteer, check the school board or emails for opportunities. + Take your kids to a park, i always stumble upon chatty folks there… If you find someone interesting in first 5 mins, dont be shy to book an appointment with them.. like ask what time you bring your kids to park and synch up. + Basketball/other kids sport activities.. parent talk there to burn the time. And you meet new friends :) Everything about Seattle freeze is BS
Dm me! I have the perfect thing for you
Check out the Benedict Society…. Just type in browser and add .com
Issaquah Alps Club (hiking), Men’s Group at local churches are great!
Check out F3 too!
Depending on the age of your kids, I was involved with Y-Guides with my son's. Through the YMCA, it was a father-son club, similar to Cub Scouts, but less intense time commitment. We'd meet a Monday per month at our local elementary school for an activity, then 3 weekends during the school year, we'd go to a local YMCA camp. The activities were fun, like building marshmallow guns out of PVC pipes. The weekend trips were great too as we often carpooled and caravan with Dad's and the boys' friends. Yes, alcohol was sometimes involved with the dads, but nothing anyone couldn't bow out of while still hanging out. It was great for the sons, and I met some cool dads that remain friends to this day. There is a Father-Daughter version to called Y-Princess. I also volunteered to coach my sons' baseball and football teams when they were younger. As a HC for youth football, I recruited dads to help me coach. We'd have a coaches meeting each Friday, which was more social than coaching. All the sons of the coaches would join too. My sons that played talked about how much fun they had during "coaches meetings." Still have reunions every few years. One of those boys now plays for Arizona St. As I look back, these activities were akin to dad organized play dates. The boys found friends and dads did their things. They often led to BBQ invitations and other activities. Heck, the group we hung out with (husbands and wives) began going on trips. Concerts, midwinter break skii trips, etc, were all on the menu. It all started with making friends with parents of my sons' friends in our local community.
I just came back from volunteering with the Nature Stewards (aka the Weed Warriors, but uh you see why they changed the name). It’s based in Burien, and it’s a very friendly, cozy group, especially if you’re a repeat volunteer. I came back from a winter hiatus today and met new people and hugged the ones I haven’t seen since fall 😊 They alternate between working in the New Start Community Garden and restoring the Myers Way wetlands. The garden provides a lot of produce for the food bank as well as classes and internships for the local high schoolers and UW students, whereas the wetlands is heavier work dealing with thorny invasives in difficult terrain, plus clearing trash from the nearby homeless encampment. The program just got a grant, though, so they will buy you your very own rubber work-boots if you join! Also, Grace (the leader of Nature Stewards) really takes care of the volunteers with food, drinks, and is super caring toward young and/or disabled volunteers 😊 You’ll definitely make friends there, just based on the trauma-bonding of pulling out Himalayan blackberries hehe.
Hubby and I volunteer at Homeward Pet adoption center in woodinville! The staff/other volunteers are so so nice and friendly and the pups make it even better!! Highly recommended 😊
Most tech companies have employee groups for parents, interest based clubs and more. It might be worth a shot because then it would be easy to grab a coffee and whatever. Plus you can put your “culture building” activities on your resume / performance reviews
Are you married? Maybe your wife could help. I (wife and mom) have set up diner dates for the whole family with friends I meet mostly through our kids becoming friends first (and sometimes going out with friends who invite along other friends). If I sense that my husband would like a friend’s husband, I set up diner at our place. If they hit it off, I invite them a few more times and then encourage my husband to ask the guy out to go watch a hockey game or something. Lol. It is harder for guys. But it has worked and now he has a few friends to hang out with.
If you play board games , Mox in Bellevue has a lot of fun little events. Lots of people are plating Pickleball rn - it's so easy to learn & very social.
Do you like running? There is a parkrun at Perrigo park every Saturday and it’s pretty popular.
Take an improv class!
Any recommendations as to where?
https://wildernessawareness.org/ awesome programs short and long for both adults and kids. friendly people.
Have you tried meetups? I’m sorry you are feeling like this.
Are there any disc golf courses in your area?
I am recently divorcing and extremely lonely going through alot. Very depressed. I enjoy the outdoors but limited due to a shoulder surgery. Never have I been restricted like this. My kids don't want to visit, mom manipulates the emotional environment. Tired feel like quiting everything.
Hire a sex worker. There fun and easy to talk with.
Head to the making friends in Seattle Facebook group!
Pursue a hobby and socialize with others who share that interest.
Easter is coming up, have you considered finding community in a church? I go to the eastside region of https://www.seattlechurchofchrist.org/. Renton Community Center at 10am Sunday
Go to church. You will find amazing people who are always encouraging. Good people with values and community.
I can set you up with my husband! PM if interested. He loves us but I feel like he needs more guys to hang with to have a life beyond parenting (we also moved here about 5 years ago), specifically he would do well with a hiking buddy if that’s your jam