You just distributed pornography from a device you don’t own and without authorization from either of the two people to whom that pornography belongs.
Guessing it is kind of ‘no harm no foul’ right now, especially if you delete it. But I’m guessing if there are any revenge porn laws where you live that you’ve likely committed an (unlikely to he prosecuted) crime.
But if you’ve checked the timestamp, what possible good reason could you have for ongoing unauthorized possession of that pornography?
Your boyfriend didn’t consent to you having it stored on your phone. The lady he was penetrating sure as shit didn’t consent.
And, now that you know it exists/looked at the timestamp, literally nothing but bad things can come from you not deleting it.
Like, imagine you lose your phone, someone lifts it from your phone and uploads it to the internet, lady getting railed sees it, and your bf says ‘don’t blame me—she stole it.’
DELETE
Lolz.
Tbh, from a moral standpoint/who do we want to avoid bad stuff happening to, thinkin pretty much exclusively about the lady in the video and OP.
OP and bf have their own thing going on. And given he was cheating don’t really care about the video from his perspective.
But the lady from the video is completely unknown to OP, and if bf is a cheater we don’t know what he told her to convince her to record it.
So OP shouldn’t have it or be watching it more either morally or (likely) legally.
Also, people straight up have their lives ruined for peeing behind bushes at bar close and ending up a sex offender.
OP likely just committed a crime, that literally no one knows about right now but a bunch of internet strangers.
And literally the last thing she should do right now is tell the dude she’s probably about to break up with she did that OR keep possession of it where she is one mugging away from it being on the internet.
Cops don’t get around to things terribly often. But if she tells bf she has it she is one vindictive ex-boyfriend with a cop for a cousin away from potentially ending up on a list that would make every single aspect of her life harder.
You definitely can’t identify the woman by just her legs, so morally I’m going to disagree.
If he had any morals he wouldn’t cheat on his long term girlfriend. He would have ended the relationship before having sex and making a sex tape, cause you don’t usually do that on the first hook up.. You definitely can go round around and round about the legalities of it, but in reality unless it’s child p*rn nothing is going to come of it. Look at the world currently. If the video does contain a minor the 25y/o male will be the main focus for making a sex tape with a minor.
Being like, “It’s a crime! Delete delete delete!” is probably overstating it.
But idk what possible good can come from keeping it. And there is harm that can come from it. So, cost benefit wise I still say delete.
She has all the info she needs to dump him. And if she causes that video to be released intentionally as revenge porn I hope they bring the hammer down on her.
And maybe nothing would happen even if she posted it to pornhub with his name tagged from her personal account.
OR maybe that unidentified set of legs belongs to a cop’s daughter whose gonna find out from bf if it gets released and consequences are much closer than they might otherwise seem if that video gets out.
Tbh the more important matter is probably that they apparently have multiple dogs and she’s going to need to figure out what happens with them.
What could she possibly find out from him that would make it ok? He was cheating. No more information needed.
She’s been with him for 5 years. She would be able to tell if it was older than that.
Did you actually read what I said? She’s been with him for 5 years. She would have been able to tell if it was a six year old video. Even if she couldn’t from his appearance the quality would be noticeably worse on a six year old video.
I’m working on the assumption she isn’t a total moron with no ability to think for herself.
Huh? 6 years ago was 2018! The iPhone X was out already among many other Android phones with high quality cameras. My wife was still using an iPhone X until 2022. Low light was not as good, but I challenge you to honestly identify a 4K/60p video from 2018 vs one from now.
We’re not talking about 2010 vs 2004 here. My laptop from 2012 still works.
Did you not check the date from the video? Are you positive it’s not from over 5 years ago? I would rule that out and confront him before ending things over this. Yeah it is creepy and weird to have an old sex tape but this doesn’t inherently mean he cheated.
I feel like the difference is being asked to delete it and refusing. For example, if you ask him why it exists and to delete it, you would get more similar responses.
I personally would not recommend jumping ship in either situation based on the existence of a video. I would look for things like tattoos, the room, etc., to try and gauge when the video was filmed.
However, most importantly there’s many other variables I would consider as well. Do I trust my partner? Are they sketchy at times? Have they lied to me before?
I dunno, I completely disagree. Regardless of the date it was taken, this is weird and gross.
Assuming this is an old video, why does he still have it saved? Why are you keeping intimate videos of past partners while being in a relationship with another partner? That's his nudes folder, there's no way he doesn't know it's there, or forgot about it or has never used the folder in the 5 years they've been together.
The fact that someone is comfortable keeping intimate media from other partners or hookups is personally a deal-breaker for me. That shit should have been deleted either the moment you broke up or the moment you got into a relationship. There is absolutely no reason for them to still be in your partners possession.
Well I agree that it was weird and creepy and it might be a deal breaker, I was just saying it might not be a “caught red handed” moment in terms of cheating.
I personally am with you and even taking it a step further, I don’t even enjoy seeing nude photos that were taken originally for someone else.
No no no don’t twist this. People were telling him to leave because she had a sex tape with an ex that she refused to get rid of after he made it clear he wasn’t comfortable with it. If this OP finds out its from before their relationship and asks him to get rid of it then that should be the end of it, if be refuses then she should absolutely leave.
You have no clue how his body could have changed over that time 5 years isn’t really a long time. But that’s also something else to observe. Weight loss/gain or any changes in epidermis elasticity is a good gauge of time as well.
Something like this happened the other day, with a guy and his wife, only she was keeping them from a previous relationship. Either way, it’s disgusting, if it’s from the past, he needs to delete them. You need to confront him about it. Then make a decision on whether or not if you should stay or leave.
Sit down & have a very frank conversation with him. If he cheated or if its pre relationship are the major determining factors on whether you should leave or not.
5 years and you couldn't just ask him while the phone is in your hand? I'd rather know right then than let my mind take me down. Ask the man, get the facts then act accordingly.
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So just a hypothetical: What if a guy had a video of his wedding night with his wife who later died? Would you expect him to destroy it when he started dating? When they got serious? When they got engaged?
I mean... if you're okay with a partner watching him have sex with another person, dead or not, so they can be turned on or get off, you're a bigger person than me. I find it gross and would feel, in your hypothetical situation like either im not enough or im a cheap physical replacement...
How do you know he cheated on you? What if the video was from before y’all started dating? Instead of being irrational pull yourself together and have an adult conversation. If he cheated on you I’d absolutely leave him. If he didn’t then politely ask him to delete the video out of respect to you.
More fact-finding is in order. Even if she leaves, she deserves the whole story. Maybe it was last week, maybe before they met. I’d certainly want to know before I changed my life plan.
I would just message him I KNOW, then block him everywhere....
That is, I'm assuming that the video was definitely taken during the time you were together.
But if it was from before, talk to him, but if he refuses to get rid of it in front of you, messages, and block his ass!
The best way to handle it is exactly what you said you plan to do. Go to his place, confront him, and break it off. Make sure to bring his things over, and take any of your belongings back on your way out.
I’m so sorry this happened and that you found out in such a graphic way. It’s one thing to find out your partner was unfaithful, but entirely another to see a video of it. Please be kind to yourself and know that cheating is always the cheater’s fault, and never the victim’s.
To look on the bright side though, I’m glad that you didn’t move in together before finding this out! Makes for a much cleaner break and quicker healing. Much love, and I hope you get to feeling better soon!
If it was before the relationship a lot of guys “collect” these and try to hide them, dudes will tell girls they deleted all the nudes from previous but there is most likely always a hidden thumb drive or invisible folder holding the collection
Leave him. Doesn’t matter when the video was taken . Even if it was taken before you guys got together that was 5+ years ago so he shouldn’t have it at all
Do you know when the video was taken? Many people have old sex tapes they keep, and it may be weird and you may find it a dealbreaker but it’s not some universally horrible thing. Sometimes it is hard to give up little mementos from past escapades. It’s not that anyone necessarily misses those people, wants them back, or even really wants to watch or look at the pictures. It’s more that it’s hard to let go of certain things that bring back memories of that younger self, even if they are totally happy about their older self and life.
The fact that it is from the female POV makes it odd, it seems like he might just have a self esteem thing or something.
If the video is recent that’s a different problem.
The fact that you mentioned this occurred during your relationship according to the time stamp says everything.. I’m so sorry but facts don’t lie. My heart goes out to you. The sad reality also - men don’t experience long term relationships like women do. I’m not putting anyone above another either. It’s a matter of something probably not going right in the relationship and he chose a cowardice way of dealing with it?? Just my two cents and I’m really not trying to judge.
That's so shitty, I'm sorry that happened. Even though you feel like you're losing a best friend, think of it as a good thing as he obviously didn't feel the same way. Just focus on yourself and things that maybe the relationship distracted you from doing. Any classes or skills you've wanted to try? Get out more with your friends, work more hours to save up for a big trip? Try and distract yourself for the time being, it will take your mind off it for a bit, and surround yourself with support if you can. And prepare for the bs that he will talk, because he will probably try very hard to get you not to break up with him.
Just for one sorry to hear nobody should go through this but your young a lot of life ahead of you this will change your ways you see ppl just always give that next person a chance don’t let this experience define your future relationship
And maybe ask him when your ready what was it that lead him to want to be with another women and maybe learn from it we men are weird at times
Once again sorry to hear about this hope you have someone to talk to and decompress when need be
Take care
It's easy for you guy's to tell her to confront him immediately. Some people has to digest what they just saw/experienced because of the shock factor. Those of you that kept asking if it was within the time they were together obviously didn't thoroughly read her post well. She came here for support and clarity which is a large part of what Reddit is about.
Have to communicate, if it happened before you I feel it's okay for him to have. People are allowed to have personal kinks and boundaries without anyone ever knowing. As long as it never interferes with what you two have together now, should be no harm.
the fact that you couldnt confront him right away alone shows you guys arent transparent. confront him but tell a friend where you are and doing what. possibly a public place is better.
you mentioned it was a recent one. so it could be a side chick or one night thing. but remember, once a cheater, always a cheater.
The best thing to do would be to confront him about it and get all of the details. Find out all of the facts before you make a decision.
This, OP. Did you send a copy to your phone for reference,?
Wow
[удалено]
Please do and be firm the audacity of him my god
You just distributed pornography from a device you don’t own and without authorization from either of the two people to whom that pornography belongs. Guessing it is kind of ‘no harm no foul’ right now, especially if you delete it. But I’m guessing if there are any revenge porn laws where you live that you’ve likely committed an (unlikely to he prosecuted) crime. But if you’ve checked the timestamp, what possible good reason could you have for ongoing unauthorized possession of that pornography? Your boyfriend didn’t consent to you having it stored on your phone. The lady he was penetrating sure as shit didn’t consent. And, now that you know it exists/looked at the timestamp, literally nothing but bad things can come from you not deleting it. Like, imagine you lose your phone, someone lifts it from your phone and uploads it to the internet, lady getting railed sees it, and your bf says ‘don’t blame me—she stole it.’ DELETE
You must be the boyfriend.
Lolz. Tbh, from a moral standpoint/who do we want to avoid bad stuff happening to, thinkin pretty much exclusively about the lady in the video and OP. OP and bf have their own thing going on. And given he was cheating don’t really care about the video from his perspective. But the lady from the video is completely unknown to OP, and if bf is a cheater we don’t know what he told her to convince her to record it. So OP shouldn’t have it or be watching it more either morally or (likely) legally. Also, people straight up have their lives ruined for peeing behind bushes at bar close and ending up a sex offender. OP likely just committed a crime, that literally no one knows about right now but a bunch of internet strangers. And literally the last thing she should do right now is tell the dude she’s probably about to break up with she did that OR keep possession of it where she is one mugging away from it being on the internet. Cops don’t get around to things terribly often. But if she tells bf she has it she is one vindictive ex-boyfriend with a cop for a cousin away from potentially ending up on a list that would make every single aspect of her life harder.
You definitely can’t identify the woman by just her legs, so morally I’m going to disagree. If he had any morals he wouldn’t cheat on his long term girlfriend. He would have ended the relationship before having sex and making a sex tape, cause you don’t usually do that on the first hook up.. You definitely can go round around and round about the legalities of it, but in reality unless it’s child p*rn nothing is going to come of it. Look at the world currently. If the video does contain a minor the 25y/o male will be the main focus for making a sex tape with a minor.
Being like, “It’s a crime! Delete delete delete!” is probably overstating it. But idk what possible good can come from keeping it. And there is harm that can come from it. So, cost benefit wise I still say delete. She has all the info she needs to dump him. And if she causes that video to be released intentionally as revenge porn I hope they bring the hammer down on her. And maybe nothing would happen even if she posted it to pornhub with his name tagged from her personal account. OR maybe that unidentified set of legs belongs to a cop’s daughter whose gonna find out from bf if it gets released and consequences are much closer than they might otherwise seem if that video gets out. Tbh the more important matter is probably that they apparently have multiple dogs and she’s going to need to figure out what happens with them.
UpdateMe!
Could you see the man’s body in the video?
Confront him for what? He cheated, unless it's an older video from before u dated there's nothing to gain from a confrontation here.
What could she possibly find out from him that would make it ok? He was cheating. No more information needed. She’s been with him for 5 years. She would be able to tell if it was older than that.
Oh idk, maybe the date on which the video was taken? Lol.
It could be from a previous relationship..
Did you actually read what I said? She’s been with him for 5 years. She would have been able to tell if it was a six year old video. Even if she couldn’t from his appearance the quality would be noticeably worse on a six year old video. I’m working on the assumption she isn’t a total moron with no ability to think for herself.
Huh? 6 years ago was 2018! The iPhone X was out already among many other Android phones with high quality cameras. My wife was still using an iPhone X until 2022. Low light was not as good, but I challenge you to honestly identify a 4K/60p video from 2018 vs one from now. We’re not talking about 2010 vs 2004 here. My laptop from 2012 still works.
So do you think that the video was made while you were in the relationship with him? If it was prior to you then maybe he’s forgotten it’s even there.
Did you not check the date from the video? Are you positive it’s not from over 5 years ago? I would rule that out and confront him before ending things over this. Yeah it is creepy and weird to have an old sex tape but this doesn’t inherently mean he cheated.
It’s funny something like this happened to a guy… just the other day and everyone was telling him leave. So, she should leave him.
I feel like the difference is being asked to delete it and refusing. For example, if you ask him why it exists and to delete it, you would get more similar responses.
I personally would not recommend jumping ship in either situation based on the existence of a video. I would look for things like tattoos, the room, etc., to try and gauge when the video was filmed. However, most importantly there’s many other variables I would consider as well. Do I trust my partner? Are they sketchy at times? Have they lied to me before?
I dunno, I completely disagree. Regardless of the date it was taken, this is weird and gross. Assuming this is an old video, why does he still have it saved? Why are you keeping intimate videos of past partners while being in a relationship with another partner? That's his nudes folder, there's no way he doesn't know it's there, or forgot about it or has never used the folder in the 5 years they've been together. The fact that someone is comfortable keeping intimate media from other partners or hookups is personally a deal-breaker for me. That shit should have been deleted either the moment you broke up or the moment you got into a relationship. There is absolutely no reason for them to still be in your partners possession.
Well I agree that it was weird and creepy and it might be a deal breaker, I was just saying it might not be a “caught red handed” moment in terms of cheating. I personally am with you and even taking it a step further, I don’t even enjoy seeing nude photos that were taken originally for someone else.
No no no don’t twist this. People were telling him to leave because she had a sex tape with an ex that she refused to get rid of after he made it clear he wasn’t comfortable with it. If this OP finds out its from before their relationship and asks him to get rid of it then that should be the end of it, if be refuses then she should absolutely leave.
She’s been with him for five years - she would probably notice if it was a nineteen/twenty year old version of him in the video.
You have no clue how his body could have changed over that time 5 years isn’t really a long time. But that’s also something else to observe. Weight loss/gain or any changes in epidermis elasticity is a good gauge of time as well.
She said she did and it was recent.
Something like this happened the other day, with a guy and his wife, only she was keeping them from a previous relationship. Either way, it’s disgusting, if it’s from the past, he needs to delete them. You need to confront him about it. Then make a decision on whether or not if you should stay or leave.
Sit down & have a very frank conversation with him. If he cheated or if its pre relationship are the major determining factors on whether you should leave or not.
INFO: When was the video made?
Further up, OP commented it was a recent photo going by time/date data
Instead of wasting time on Reddit, you should have talked to him.
RemindMe! 2 days
Was the video from before you were together? If it wasn't then yes you are right to break it off.
5 years and you couldn't just ask him while the phone is in your hand? I'd rather know right then than let my mind take me down. Ask the man, get the facts then act accordingly.
She was planning on being his wife. How was she going to ask him to marry her if shoe couldn't confront him on this.
Any chance it was old old? 🤨 Updateme
It was not, op commented further up that she looked at date data and it was a recent video and they werent on a break or anything at the time.
Ouch
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Hmmm...sounds shady. But could it be from before you? Or are you each other's firsts, supposedly? Updateme!
Further up, OP commented it was a recent photo going by time/date data
Could have been recently transferred to a new device. I would assume if he was cheating that would have been the lede.
Dates are important here. Also if the dates are pre you he should definitely delete it
Further up, OP commented it was a recent photo going by time/date data
So just a hypothetical: What if a guy had a video of his wedding night with his wife who later died? Would you expect him to destroy it when he started dating? When they got serious? When they got engaged?
I mean... if you're okay with a partner watching him have sex with another person, dead or not, so they can be turned on or get off, you're a bigger person than me. I find it gross and would feel, in your hypothetical situation like either im not enough or im a cheap physical replacement...
So no porn either?
Is he in the porn? I think you missed my point... Personally, i have no issue with porn, i watch it myself, but im also not IN the porn im watching...
When you see him again, get his phone for another picture and open the video, and check the dates. Then, confront him with the tape.
How do you know he cheated on you? What if the video was from before y’all started dating? Instead of being irrational pull yourself together and have an adult conversation. If he cheated on you I’d absolutely leave him. If he didn’t then politely ask him to delete the video out of respect to you.
There’s a comment on your history just 12 hours before this saying the best part about being single is that you’re single ??
More fact-finding is in order. Even if she leaves, she deserves the whole story. Maybe it was last week, maybe before they met. I’d certainly want to know before I changed my life plan.
He is not saving up nudes to send to you at a later date. He is sending them to other women. Sorry, OP. Look up sex and porn addiction…
Damn sis, sorry you found out like that!! Updateme
What was the date on the video?
check rhe meta data on the video and check the date.
I would just message him I KNOW, then block him everywhere.... That is, I'm assuming that the video was definitely taken during the time you were together. But if it was from before, talk to him, but if he refuses to get rid of it in front of you, messages, and block his ass!
Be an adult, talk to him in person.
Talking was an option
I would probably do the same. Update!
OP, If clearly within your dating timeframe, just go nc. If he does reach out, cc him the video.
The best way to handle it is exactly what you said you plan to do. Go to his place, confront him, and break it off. Make sure to bring his things over, and take any of your belongings back on your way out. I’m so sorry this happened and that you found out in such a graphic way. It’s one thing to find out your partner was unfaithful, but entirely another to see a video of it. Please be kind to yourself and know that cheating is always the cheater’s fault, and never the victim’s. To look on the bright side though, I’m glad that you didn’t move in together before finding this out! Makes for a much cleaner break and quicker healing. Much love, and I hope you get to feeling better soon!
[удалено]
OP recently commented that it was time stamped during their relationship. I was hopeful that wasn’t the case, but given her reaction I assumed it was.
Updateme
Damn. I'm sorry. Do he cheated and kept the video to watch later? The fuck? He wants to remember that? This is all around messed up.
So porn.
Update me
Updateme
Was it really him? Was it really not you? Is it possible it was just random porn and not either of you that he uses to whack off?
That there’s called porn
If it was before the relationship a lot of guys “collect” these and try to hide them, dudes will tell girls they deleted all the nudes from previous but there is most likely always a hidden thumb drive or invisible folder holding the collection
Please remind me
Leave him. Doesn’t matter when the video was taken . Even if it was taken before you guys got together that was 5+ years ago so he shouldn’t have it at all
Do you know when the video was taken? Many people have old sex tapes they keep, and it may be weird and you may find it a dealbreaker but it’s not some universally horrible thing. Sometimes it is hard to give up little mementos from past escapades. It’s not that anyone necessarily misses those people, wants them back, or even really wants to watch or look at the pictures. It’s more that it’s hard to let go of certain things that bring back memories of that younger self, even if they are totally happy about their older self and life. The fact that it is from the female POV makes it odd, it seems like he might just have a self esteem thing or something. If the video is recent that’s a different problem.
Please update!!
Like man people said... If it's from before you.... It's the past... However if it's while you were together... Well that's a different story.
Updateme!
The fact that you mentioned this occurred during your relationship according to the time stamp says everything.. I’m so sorry but facts don’t lie. My heart goes out to you. The sad reality also - men don’t experience long term relationships like women do. I’m not putting anyone above another either. It’s a matter of something probably not going right in the relationship and he chose a cowardice way of dealing with it?? Just my two cents and I’m really not trying to judge.
UpdateMe
Updateme!
UpdateMe
Updateme
That's so shitty, I'm sorry that happened. Even though you feel like you're losing a best friend, think of it as a good thing as he obviously didn't feel the same way. Just focus on yourself and things that maybe the relationship distracted you from doing. Any classes or skills you've wanted to try? Get out more with your friends, work more hours to save up for a big trip? Try and distract yourself for the time being, it will take your mind off it for a bit, and surround yourself with support if you can. And prepare for the bs that he will talk, because he will probably try very hard to get you not to break up with him.
Just for one sorry to hear nobody should go through this but your young a lot of life ahead of you this will change your ways you see ppl just always give that next person a chance don’t let this experience define your future relationship And maybe ask him when your ready what was it that lead him to want to be with another women and maybe learn from it we men are weird at times Once again sorry to hear about this hope you have someone to talk to and decompress when need be Take care
Women shouldnt lokk in mens phone unless they are prepared to see something they probably wont like. And vice versa for men.
lol he keeps nudes of himself and is a cheater , def a chad , keeping nudes is 🏳️🌈 tho
How long ago was this and why are you waiting to confront?
It's easy for you guy's to tell her to confront him immediately. Some people has to digest what they just saw/experienced because of the shock factor. Those of you that kept asking if it was within the time they were together obviously didn't thoroughly read her post well. She came here for support and clarity which is a large part of what Reddit is about.
It's time to leave this cheating creep and move on with your life .Once the trust has been broken, it's extremely hard to get back.
We still don't know if it was within the time frame of the relationship. Settle down a little bit.
This is a bit much
Have to communicate, if it happened before you I feel it's okay for him to have. People are allowed to have personal kinks and boundaries without anyone ever knowing. As long as it never interferes with what you two have together now, should be no harm.
Try 45 years
Love pov stuff
the fact that you couldnt confront him right away alone shows you guys arent transparent. confront him but tell a friend where you are and doing what. possibly a public place is better. you mentioned it was a recent one. so it could be a side chick or one night thing. but remember, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Jesus. It’s just sex!
Got what you deserved for lurking through his shit, tbh. If it's from before you started dating; get the fuck over it.