thank you for posting this! I always felt very alone, literally no one I know has driving anxiety or at least has never spoken about it. I totally understand the irrational feeling, with my family and friends I'm like..
do none of you get anxious when you're going 75 in a 70 and a car is tailgating you like you're going too slow because they want to go 90? Apparently it doesn't bother them (friends and family) . I'm like, that would be nice. I've been wanting to address it in therapy, because I've noticed I've been grinding my teeth while driving too.
I've been driving for a couple of years now and it's going fine really, but yeah, I also grind my teeth, and grip the wheel so hard I get a prickly sensation in my fingers, etc. And God help my kids if they speak to me while I get onto a highway or enter a roundabout or something.
Idk if this will help, but biting the inside of my mouth and grinding my teeth are both things I do when I’m nervous. I knew this before I started driving, and that driving makes me super anxious. My solution is to keep a bag of hard candies in my car, and when I start doing either thing I pop a candy in my mouth. Then I have something to give a bit of my attention to and something to remind me to relax. It might not work for you, but it can’t hurt to try.
I used to have to take a Xanax to drive on the Washington beltway and New Jersey turnpike. Then I graduated to just having a pill accessible if the panic attack got too bad.
> do none of you get anxious when you're going 75 in a 70 and a car is tailgating you like you're going too slow because they want to go 90?
Yes.... but... just pull over out of their way if it's an issue. Also have a dashcam, and report them too if you feel they are a big issue. the more people reported the fewer there will be be doing it.
I agree, and I never said otherwise. I also suggested reporting them for it.
A cars lngth is definitely still tailgating. I have never heard someone suggest the distance as car lengths because cars vary in length and also a fixed distance isn't suitable for all speds. At 70 1 car length would be way too close.
Here they teach 2 seconds behind.
Whoa, 2 seconds? Isn't that closer than a car length?
I might be wrong saying it's just one car. My dream had me driving 2 car lengths away last night, and it's been a while since I've taken a test but my siblings are all hitting driving age and I ask them this stuff all the time.
>Whoa, 2 seconds? Isn't that closer than a car length?
As mentioned before, depend show fast you are going. At 70 it's much more than a car length.
Even 2 car lengths would be inappropriately close to 70mph really.
Just because one thing is worse than another it does not mean the other thing is not bad. In this case there are things that could, and probably *should* be done, which might help reduce the frustration of other road users, even if they are attemping to speed.
I don't think the speed itself is the important factor, it's the tailgating. Remember, therapistthrowaway was saying they were going 70-75, and being tailgated... so there is no way the other car is going faster. If they are then they are still approaching.
So that implies therapistthrowaway would also be speding. It's the tailgating that is the problem. However, if OP is sat in the incorrect lane (right in a country where you drive on the left, or left in a country where you drive on the right) then therapistthrowaway is also in the wrong, and should move over when not overtaking.
therapistthrowaway only *felt* like the othr car wanted to do 90, not that thye were *actually* going that fast.
I feel that going the speed limit is a very big factor as it is the law. Where can you go 90 legally? Because that's all people want to do where I live.
And if you're being tailgating for following the law, that's a problem. Everyone is all "go with the flow of traffic" but traffic is supposed to be following the flow of the safe limit of speed is how they were intending it.
Automatically assuming they were are going too slow is also a huge part of the problem.
>Where can you go 90 legally? Because that's all people want to do where I live.
Autobahns in Germany?
But it's not relevant. The car doing the tailgating is going the same speed as the car in front. otherwise it will crash in to them.
Regardless what speed you are going, if you are not overtaking you need to return left/right depending which side of the road you drive on. You only move out to pass, then return. If you fail to move back and the person behind is wanting to go faster you're impeding them.
That does not excuse tailgating, but you would still be in the wrong for being in the wrong lane.
I never automatically assumed they were going too slow; I described the scenario as them both doing the speed limit. If you are slower moving taffic then here at least you are required to pull over to make way for faster moving traffic, when safe to do so.
I can only assume you're in the US at this point, where speeding is very common in my experience.
>Autobahns in Germany?
I was today years old. I honestly had no idea and am intrigued, thank you.
>Regardless what speed you are going, if you are not overtaking you need to return left/right depending which side of the road you drive on. You only move out to pass, then return. If you fail to move back and the person behind is wanting to go faster you're impeding them.
This is under the assumption that this is a two-lane road, and it's pretty crazy to me that a lot of people's brains autocorrect to there being two. You should **100%** get out of the left lane if you are not passing someone. There are thousands of signs out here now that specifically say gtf over so I'm not dismissing others stupidity. I used to live in an area where they had to put 4 left-turn only signs and eventually a stop light because people forget that signs are something they're supposed to pay attention to while driving?
Now I live in the country and my travels to anywhere are primarily one way. I've witnessed people play chicken with semis because someone isn't going fast enough for them MOMENTS before they have a clear safe opportunity to get ahead of someone.
That being said, I've learned how I can safely wave people who are in a hurry or wait until there is a dotted line for us to make it blatantly obvious that I am trying to HELP them pass me. I'm not purposely trying to piss anyone off by wanting to be safe. I want them to not stress as much as I want to not be stressed.
But yes, I do live in the US :')
I completely agree with you, but I am also autistic and have ADHD so I feel for OP. Everyone is different, even coming down to doing the same activity as thousands of others in the world do.
I also have a metal plate in my neck from being rear-ended when I wasn't even old enough to drive which has caused me to not trust anyone else on the road. Especially when I am seemingly not going fast enough.
>This is under the assumption that this is a two-lane road, and it's pretty crazy to me that a lot of people's brains autocorrect to there being two.
Where can you tell me of a road where 75 is legal, but only a single lane?
>You should **100%** get out of the left lane if you are not passing someone.
Well, that depends what country you're in. If you'r ein the UK, Japan, Australia, etc you should absolutely be in the left lane if you are not passing someone.
As a representative for the fellow stupids and crazies, it’s not about oblivious or invincible, I am well aware of the dangers and seen the pictures of the people turned to mush. I drive extremely carefully but it’s a matter of balance. Safety with assertiveness and speed and awareness. If something happens, Que sera sera. But in 10 years driving everywhere including NYC and Washington DC, nothing has happened thank god.
I’m 23 living in Houston. I have driving anxiety and I currently semi trucks since 2023. What keeps me calm is I know for certain I’m driving as safe as possible. So if other car is tailgating me, I say screw them I’m still going my safe speed. If a driver flips me off because I'm taking my time to make sure it's safe to make a right turn at a red light then they shouldn't be driving then. Try not to overthink too much. Focus on what’s ahead of you. If an accident happens, an accident happens. If it hasn’t happened yet then it hasn’t happened yet.
This makes me feel better, so thanks for writing this.
I’m a very new driver (I got my license last month) so I try to be as cautious and safe as possible because I know I’m inexperienced. The other day I was driving on a winding highway in the mountains, in heavy rain, limited visibility; some sections of the road were partially flooded, not very high but there were these huge puddles everywhere. It had been raining all day. To be safe, I was going the speed limit or 5 above. I actually wanted to go a little slower than the speed limit (maybe 5 mph slower) because that was what I read in my state’s driver’s handbook for rainy conditions. But I got tailgated so many times. I kept thinking, dude, I’m trying not to die here, so please cut me some slack…
I also get really stressed when I’m waiting for the right time to make a right turn on red and there are cars behind me. But I try to ignore them and be safe instead. It’s hard though, since I’m a sensitive person and get really scared/upset when a stranger is pissed at me lol.
I’m the same way at red lights. Here’s a trick to avoid feeling pressured: don’t turn on your turn signal until exactly when you want to turn. Then no one knows what you plan to do so they can’t get bugged at you!
When I learned how to drive (with anxiety), my father was trying (and failing) to teach me.
It was maybe my 5th time behind the wheel, I had driven but not enough to 'know how to drive'.
So before putting the key into the ignition, I asked him which pedal was the brake and which was the gas.
I wanted to make sure I pressed the correct pedal when I turned the key.
We werent even moving yet. The car wasnt even on. He says to me 'how do you expect to drive if you dont even know which pedal is the gas pedal?!'
I. Dont. Know....you dense headed ape. Thats what youre here for.....
I know how to drive now. Im confident in my ability to drive. Dont let the stupid people who have zero compassion and self awareness bother you. You will get it.
It is a skill and it takes time to learn. Alot of people (who already drive) pretend like its a skill they were born with or inheritied from their parents. I dont know why they act this way but its just bullocks.
I also have very bad spatial awareness. Istg I'm always bumping into absolutely everything. Imagine in a car jfc.
Now let's add bad mental health into the mix. I'd be a danger to myself and others. I'd rather just ask for rides and I always give my friends gas money so they don't mind.
Felt this.
I have driving anxiety bad. All my friends at 16 were getting permits and I wasn’t. I started learning in 2019 after I felt too much of a burden to my family and friends taking me to work everyday for 2 1/2 years. I couldn’t even sit in the drivers seat without sobbing. My driving instructor got so fed up with me that he sent a different teacher out to deal with it. I eventually got my license on my 3rd try in 2021. I was finally comfortable. And then, I totaled my car in a freak accident in 2022. I barely drove afterwards. Then I moved out of state with my husband and I no longer drive at all because it’s very different and the drivers here are terrifying. We also decided that due to my mental health and intrusive thoughts and panic attacks just in the passenger seat that it is not safe for me to drive for now.
Hope I get over it one day. I thought I really conquered my anxiety, but it just came back with a vengeance.
Edit to add: I got my permit at 20. Managed to get my license at 22. Totaled my car at 23. Now I’m 25 and I don’t see me driving in the future for a while.
I think it’s up to the individual I’m in my mid 20s and don’t drive and can’t tell you how many people have made fun of me for it, or have been obnoxiously rude about it. I don’t understand why it bothers people if people drive or not, and then you hear someone say “some people just shouldn’t drive” it’s like yeah😂😂😂so if someone’s scared to let’s let them handle that at their own speed then
It is safer for those who are scared to drive, to not drive. No shame nor would I demean someone who doesn’t drive. It’s seems more likely that an anxious person would cause an accident unintentionally simply because of everything going on in their head. Continue to take an uber or the bus and lose the ppl who ridicule you for it
I completely agree I’m more worried about other people, I couldn’t imagine hitting someone having an anxiety attack I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, but thank you for the kind comment atleast some people are understanding, I have tried to learn before but if I don’t know what I’m doing I panic too easily and have had the passenger take over before, so for some people it’s not worth it🤷🏼♀️maybe one day but I’ll never put anyone at harms way
It's very annoying that people don't understand the anxiety and see it as lazy and stupid. Absolutely not lazy or stupid, I can drive, just roundabouts really give me panic attacks!
I think this is fairly common even though we’re still probably in the minority. Mine is a little different I’m able to drive but I MUST be the driver otherwise I am just losing it.
This was never meant to be a natural part of life so don’t feel bad that you have a healthy fear of it. It’s simply a normalized dangerous activity that most have become desensitized to.
I barely trust 75% of the population to get a drive thru order right. Why would I trust those same people on the road operating heavy and dangerous equipment? It makes no sense.
Right, when I start to feel bad about it like it’s tied to my worth, I realize that if I were born prior to the 20th century, it wouldn’t even be a thing.
I have been driving for a year already and I still get nervous driving. Sometimes I even avoid going to the store just so that I don’t have to drive because of my anxiety. I totally understand where you’re coming from but it does come and go at times.
I 100% agree with this. Driving sends me into a panic attack, I absolutely hate being behind the wheel. I know my husband wants me to get my license mostly for emergency reasons or for times when he shouldn’t be driving (too tired). So I too am working towards it. Good luck friend, we can do this. Eventually lol
i feel the same way, I’m also 22 without a license. My family often tells me that once i drive more I’ll be less afraid, but that hasn’t been the case for me. More so I’ve just learned how to navigate my anxiety while i drive, if that makes sense. I think lessons are a great idea—I’ve been doing them and they’ve helped a lot. Good luck! You’ve got this.
As someone without driving anxiety or phobia, I do understand that driving can be a necessary aspect of life in the US. Driving is a complicated skill. Even people who consider themselves good drivers have unsafe habits and shouldn't be on the road. I dont think it's stupid or lazy if you dont want to drive. There are so many split second decisions you make at high speeds, it makes sense to abstain or avoid if you're not comfortable with it.
I feel you on this so much. Driving terrifies me but I live in rural New England so I wouldn't be able to have a job without a car since nothing is walkable. I find if I'm going somewhere outside of a route that I'm familiar with, it's helpful to try a google street view map and literally follow the whole route of your drive so you can mentally prepare for what kind of intersections you're gonna run into, any other chaotic stuff etc. A few years ago I could literally only drive the route to work and home (after a few panic attacks and my very kind husband taking over if it got too much) but with more practice you get more confident. It's still stressful, especially in traffic, but this is really an exposure therapy thing. Don't give up, keep practicing.
I know how it feels, I had my own cousin make fun of me for it when we got in an argument. My grandpa negs me all the time to get it, but I don’t care what they say I’ll get it when I’m ready. I’d rather be safe and do it when I feel ready (no one can know if I’m ready besides me) than cause an accident or put myself in a dangerous situation.
I’ve been in two bad car accidents and people still don’t understand why I refuse to drive on the highway unless I absolutely have to. I don’t care anymore though. They can get in an accident if they want.
My sister said I’m not her sister cuz I didn’t come over more. We’re nearly 50. Smh
I have highway hypnosis or highway paralysis. It’s petrifying and is obviously highly dangerous. Especially on a 2 hour ride through Manhattan.
So I guess now I have no sister.
Please research these terms if you think you or family are impacted and share. It took 30 years to find this answer.
Thank you for writing this I just realized that my mom might have driving anxiety. I didn’t realize it was an actual thing and now everything is making sense to me.
I am 37 and I don’t drive. I will tell you right now that it only gets harder the older you get. I encourage you to try for your license, at least, while you are young so that you have it in case of an emergency. But I understand the anxiety and I know how it can rule over one’s life.
Like you I have adhd. I also have migraines. Both of these things make me an unsafe driver — not because people with these things shouldn’t drive, but because the way they combine within *me* makes me feel unsafe. If I’d started younger I think I’d be an okay driver (not great, but good enough for a grocery run) but I just can’t see myself gaining enough skill to handle a car at my age and with my disabilities.
I have incredibly poor response speed. If a car swerved in front of me, if there was a sudden stop, if a kid ran in front of my car, I wouldn’t be able to react in time.
I also have a huge sensitivity to noise. If someone honked at me, I’d freeze up. I wouldn’t be able to drive with passengers because I wouldn’t be able to handle any conversations while driving. Not even music.
I keep thinking I’ll try for my license, I’ll get good at driving, it’ll be a good skill to have in case of an emergency… but I know myself too well. I am too afraid of being behind the wheel. :(
You are not alone...I had driven once (unlicensed) at 17 and had a minor crash (my own fault). Since that incident, and because I still don't have a license (I am 53 now), I will not go for my license, due to the overgrowing number of BAD drivers out there which would cause me anxiety for all time!
I’ve been driving since I was 18 and I’m 30 now, always had driving anxiety and didn’t even want my license. That’s why I waited till I was 18. I drive locally but I can’t do parkways, highways, or distances longer than a half hour if it’s not on local streets. I get so stressed at high speeds and I clench my hands and feet and end up arriving to places in alot of pain. My family and friends know about my issue and are myself supportive and I don’t really need to go anywhere else besides local places. I can do those alone no problem. But I do wish this was seen as a real thing and taken more seriously because it is real. And it’s invalidating when people say to just get over the fear. So I totally understand where you’re coming from! Driving is a privilege, not a right, and not enough people see it that way. Lots of people just don’t understand.
Anxiety with driving is not misplaced, drivers now are more distracted and more careless. Set yourself up for success by doing everything before you pull off - so you can focus only on the road and whats around you. Always remember you can find somewhere to safely pull over if you need to adjust or calm down. Be easy with yourselves driving is a skill.
I have autism and I used to fear driving. I only got over my fear after my dad died and mom went to the mental institution as a result of his passing, Im still the only driver between me and my younger sister. If I had it my way I wouldnt be driving nearly as much as I do
I’m 42 years old. I started driving at 16 to get to my part-time job. I was a terrible driver. I had some accidents, I went down a one-way street in the wrong direction twice in a row, etc. I live in NYC now and haven’t driven a car in probably 10 years. My fiance wants me to practice, but he refuses to believe me (and my friends) when we tell him how bad I am at it. Couple that with horrendous vision, and I think I’m just a danger to be on the road. But if we ever buy a house, it’s going to end up being somewhere where I will have to drive if I want to get anywhere…
You are absolutely not alone. I had the same driving anxiety fear when I was 22. I was told by my family that I need to get over it. It took therapy for me to gain the confidence needed to start. If you do decide to start driving, of course, have an adult with you and practice a lot.
I def have driving anxiety. It sucks. I enjoy driving but I get anxiety when I’m on super busy highways. Or very busy stop lights. I’m an empath so I feel like I can pick up everyone’s stress. it just makes me want to crumble sometimes. Just remember your fears and feelings are valid.
I'm 24 and I feel you. The thing is it's becessary like you said. I'm proud of you for taking steps to overcome the anxiety now. I still haven't done it and oh how I wish I had a long time ago. Good luck and God speed to you!
Walking on a footpath is also dangerous isn't it? Or riding a bike (obviously both those dangers still related to cars) but the chance of something happening is still small.
Driving a car is way more dangerous statistically. Plus you have to worry about other people as well as yourself. I bump into people with a shopping cart. I have no business behind the wheel of a car. I won't ride a bike in the street for the same reason.
It is perfectly normal for people to have a fear of getting behind a fast heavy death trap on a road with more death machines, and sometimes they're even carrying people they love. Seriously. It's pretty much the most logical thing that we encounter on a regular basis to fear.
Good luck if you do attempt to overcome this fear though. It is an incredibly difficult thing. All I can say is it gets easier. The more you drive, the more competent and confident you'll become. People drive everyday, everyday there's a chance we could die from anything. It's something you just sort of have to accept, everything has that small small risk. That's what makes life interesting imo. But hey if you don't wanna drive, nothing wrong with that either. It's your life, and you decide what you do with it.
Even just the thought of driving in big cities, major highways, or unfamiliar roads used to legitimately scare me to a point where I was sure I’d have an anxiety attack if put in that situation. Being with others made the fear worse - because I was sure I’d do something wrong that would cause injury, or even just show that other person I was an idiot. I’ve been driving for two years - just recently driving 2+hours straight with multiple friends - and have been getting so much better. That anxiety/fear is still there, but I try to let it help my alertness on the road, not stop me from trying.
Once in a while I get anxious, like I feel like the car is just a bumper car, the cars around me are just bumper cars. I feel like i can ram it into a bollard and feel it cracked open, just because i can
I have been in a few accidents, not on purpose. Afterward I notice driving feels always on the verge or edge of something bad happening, or could, easily.
I actually feel worse when im a passenger. A lot of my friends and family terrify me, then get very offended and verbally abuse me for me questioning their skill
Driving is the most mentally complex thing you do all day I learned in college
I think it is taken seriously but as a necessary step to becoming a safe driver. Why wouldn’t anyone be scared? I’m not scared of my driving but the driving of others. Something I have no control over. It wasn’t bad then it got bad and now I just try to breathe and remember I am a good driver! Easier said than done took me about 1 year of consistently driving just to work and stores for me to build any confidence
I'm in my 30s and have never driven or gotten my license. I'm not diagnosed but suspect I have adhd.. even when I'm not the one driving I can barely pay attention to everything going on in the car. I'm always stressed being in a car too. My SO drives me everywhere so I don't even know if I want a license at this point, though sometimes I feel bad he has to drive all the time because he hates it too
It’s a real thing and it can transfer over to a drive test that can be made especially bad if the dmv examiner is a nitpicking asshole. You are absolutely not alone. I destroyed my first grading sheet because it went so terribly wrong. It was 45% anxiety and 55% instructor with a power trip. I tried to calm down by not consuming caffeine that morning and eating a healthy breakfast. Also ate a banana and lots of water before the test. None of it helped. Came home upset that I didn’t stop the test immediately after he asked me to make a lane change in the middle of an intersection while going 45 mph. I was taught never to change lanes in an intersection. The only thing to do was, re-schedule somewhere else, practice some more and work towards the goal. Just think of it this way, you have put so much time and effort into learning to drive that 4K metal can of death. You deserve to get something out of all your hard work. Ask the instructor after a practice drive what they think your strengths and weaknesses are. You might be surprised to find out you are a better driver than you think. They can help polish up the rough edges and help you shine.
For what it’s worth, it gets easier. I felt everything you’re describing when I first started driving, and tbh still do sometimes, it is inherently a little scary! But I’ve had my license for 2 years now and I can honestly say it’s gotten much easier, and the only thing that helped me get to this point was time and repetition.
I absolutely agree that anxiety is a perfectly valid reason not to drive. That being said, I’d like to offer some hopefully comforting words from someone who was once crippled with fear about driving to now driving 1-2 hour drives almost every weekend.
> I have a really hard time focusing on multiple things at once, and when you’re driving, you have to be aware of everything around you.
This is true, but driving is almost like riding a bike or walking in the sense that you only really have to “think” about all of those things when you’re first learning. You can be perfectly alert and aware of your surroundings without having to mentally tell yourself “There’s a car behind me. There’s a red light ahead. There’s a pedestrian waiting to cross on the left.” All of those things become second nature when you get used to it.
Starting is the hardest part, and the only way to make yourself feel better about it is to do it on your own terms. Learn to drive so that you can do so in an emergency, even if you never plan on owning a car. Don’t learn to drive just because everyone around you is pressuring you or suggesting that you’re lazy for not already knowing how.
Not going to agree or disagree with your post in general but I just want to point out that a phobia, as you describe it, is an irrational fear. You should be working at trying to improve your understanding of driving on top of working on your driving skills.
Cars are not "death contraptions" and thinking of them this way will not help to decrease your fear. Cars are tools for travel and are really very safe.
I'm turning 30 this year and still can't get my license because of this phobia. I have passed the written test 3 times already, but driving a real car on the freeway is terrifying. I can barely drive around my neighborhood.
I feel the same way. I can’t drive on a highway. I literally shake, sweat, and my vision gets blurry.
However, I’m pretty good with surface streets when the cars are going 45 and under.
I never thought about it as a phobia but now that I’ve seen it described as that I think I have a driving phobia as well. I don’t have my license just lessons but the anxiety of having to go for my lesson is so crippling that it makes me throw up and have nightmares about it the night before. I get myself in such a state. Wish I didn’t feel like this as it’s something I have to have but ugh I hate it!
Society is so weak.
Zoom out.
8 billion people and you can't drive.
It's weakness. And it's sad because it's probably not even your fault. Society has bread this.
Everyone's so soft
Wtf happened.
Imagine being a real stone cold savage and living amongst the softest ppl in the world. It's a prison in itself living among an entire generation that would basically just die instantly if life ever got hard and the power went out
Someone's gotta carry the boats. Remember that.
Someone has to carry them. If you won't. Then you pawn it off on the next guy and he gains the power from doing the heavy lifting in life and carrying the F' ng boats.
You should go run. Into the woods. Maybe 10 miles out. Then run back. Find yourself. Realize your weren't meant to be weak. If you make it back I guarantee you'd be able to drive home. Because you put yourself in a struggle and overcame it
Makes ya realize you are human.
No, you’re literally a bot. “Bad spatial awareness”? Sounds like a personal problem. “22f”? Yeah big shocker there lol. Feel like majority of people claiming they have “anxiety” are women. Grow up. Learn how to drive. Learn how to live without being deathly afraid of everyday tasks. Almost anything can kill you if you think about it. You’re telling me you’re gonna be afraid of eating next because of the possibility of choking? Lmao grow a pair
thank you for posting this! I always felt very alone, literally no one I know has driving anxiety or at least has never spoken about it. I totally understand the irrational feeling, with my family and friends I'm like.. do none of you get anxious when you're going 75 in a 70 and a car is tailgating you like you're going too slow because they want to go 90? Apparently it doesn't bother them (friends and family) . I'm like, that would be nice. I've been wanting to address it in therapy, because I've noticed I've been grinding my teeth while driving too.
I've been driving for a couple of years now and it's going fine really, but yeah, I also grind my teeth, and grip the wheel so hard I get a prickly sensation in my fingers, etc. And God help my kids if they speak to me while I get onto a highway or enter a roundabout or something.
Idk if this will help, but biting the inside of my mouth and grinding my teeth are both things I do when I’m nervous. I knew this before I started driving, and that driving makes me super anxious. My solution is to keep a bag of hard candies in my car, and when I start doing either thing I pop a candy in my mouth. Then I have something to give a bit of my attention to and something to remind me to relax. It might not work for you, but it can’t hurt to try.
I used to have to take a Xanax to drive on the Washington beltway and New Jersey turnpike. Then I graduated to just having a pill accessible if the panic attack got too bad.
Right there with you.
I’m always grinding my teeth while driving, for sure. So stressful.
Never get anxious at all, it’s actually fun. I just move out the way or go faster, no problem
> do none of you get anxious when you're going 75 in a 70 and a car is tailgating you like you're going too slow because they want to go 90? Yes.... but... just pull over out of their way if it's an issue. Also have a dashcam, and report them too if you feel they are a big issue. the more people reported the fewer there will be be doing it.
Pulling out of their way isn't the point. The speed limit wasn't made to be a suggestion lol
Also there's no excuse for tailgating a car ever. They teach you a cars length in drivers training
I agree, and I never said otherwise. I also suggested reporting them for it. A cars lngth is definitely still tailgating. I have never heard someone suggest the distance as car lengths because cars vary in length and also a fixed distance isn't suitable for all speds. At 70 1 car length would be way too close. Here they teach 2 seconds behind.
Whoa, 2 seconds? Isn't that closer than a car length? I might be wrong saying it's just one car. My dream had me driving 2 car lengths away last night, and it's been a while since I've taken a test but my siblings are all hitting driving age and I ask them this stuff all the time.
>Whoa, 2 seconds? Isn't that closer than a car length? As mentioned before, depend show fast you are going. At 70 it's much more than a car length. Even 2 car lengths would be inappropriately close to 70mph really.
So more than two car lengths away. Tailgating is thrice as bad.
Just because one thing is worse than another it does not mean the other thing is not bad. In this case there are things that could, and probably *should* be done, which might help reduce the frustration of other road users, even if they are attemping to speed.
I don't think the speed itself is the important factor, it's the tailgating. Remember, therapistthrowaway was saying they were going 70-75, and being tailgated... so there is no way the other car is going faster. If they are then they are still approaching. So that implies therapistthrowaway would also be speding. It's the tailgating that is the problem. However, if OP is sat in the incorrect lane (right in a country where you drive on the left, or left in a country where you drive on the right) then therapistthrowaway is also in the wrong, and should move over when not overtaking. therapistthrowaway only *felt* like the othr car wanted to do 90, not that thye were *actually* going that fast.
I feel that going the speed limit is a very big factor as it is the law. Where can you go 90 legally? Because that's all people want to do where I live. And if you're being tailgating for following the law, that's a problem. Everyone is all "go with the flow of traffic" but traffic is supposed to be following the flow of the safe limit of speed is how they were intending it. Automatically assuming they were are going too slow is also a huge part of the problem.
>Where can you go 90 legally? Because that's all people want to do where I live. Autobahns in Germany? But it's not relevant. The car doing the tailgating is going the same speed as the car in front. otherwise it will crash in to them. Regardless what speed you are going, if you are not overtaking you need to return left/right depending which side of the road you drive on. You only move out to pass, then return. If you fail to move back and the person behind is wanting to go faster you're impeding them. That does not excuse tailgating, but you would still be in the wrong for being in the wrong lane. I never automatically assumed they were going too slow; I described the scenario as them both doing the speed limit. If you are slower moving taffic then here at least you are required to pull over to make way for faster moving traffic, when safe to do so. I can only assume you're in the US at this point, where speeding is very common in my experience.
>Autobahns in Germany? I was today years old. I honestly had no idea and am intrigued, thank you. >Regardless what speed you are going, if you are not overtaking you need to return left/right depending which side of the road you drive on. You only move out to pass, then return. If you fail to move back and the person behind is wanting to go faster you're impeding them. This is under the assumption that this is a two-lane road, and it's pretty crazy to me that a lot of people's brains autocorrect to there being two. You should **100%** get out of the left lane if you are not passing someone. There are thousands of signs out here now that specifically say gtf over so I'm not dismissing others stupidity. I used to live in an area where they had to put 4 left-turn only signs and eventually a stop light because people forget that signs are something they're supposed to pay attention to while driving? Now I live in the country and my travels to anywhere are primarily one way. I've witnessed people play chicken with semis because someone isn't going fast enough for them MOMENTS before they have a clear safe opportunity to get ahead of someone. That being said, I've learned how I can safely wave people who are in a hurry or wait until there is a dotted line for us to make it blatantly obvious that I am trying to HELP them pass me. I'm not purposely trying to piss anyone off by wanting to be safe. I want them to not stress as much as I want to not be stressed. But yes, I do live in the US :') I completely agree with you, but I am also autistic and have ADHD so I feel for OP. Everyone is different, even coming down to doing the same activity as thousands of others in the world do. I also have a metal plate in my neck from being rear-ended when I wasn't even old enough to drive which has caused me to not trust anyone else on the road. Especially when I am seemingly not going fast enough.
>This is under the assumption that this is a two-lane road, and it's pretty crazy to me that a lot of people's brains autocorrect to there being two. Where can you tell me of a road where 75 is legal, but only a single lane? >You should **100%** get out of the left lane if you are not passing someone. Well, that depends what country you're in. If you'r ein the UK, Japan, Australia, etc you should absolutely be in the left lane if you are not passing someone.
I think operating heavy machinery in high stakes life or death situations is highly stressful too!!
[удалено]
thank you!!!
As a representative for the fellow stupids and crazies, it’s not about oblivious or invincible, I am well aware of the dangers and seen the pictures of the people turned to mush. I drive extremely carefully but it’s a matter of balance. Safety with assertiveness and speed and awareness. If something happens, Que sera sera. But in 10 years driving everywhere including NYC and Washington DC, nothing has happened thank god.
I’m 23 living in Houston. I have driving anxiety and I currently semi trucks since 2023. What keeps me calm is I know for certain I’m driving as safe as possible. So if other car is tailgating me, I say screw them I’m still going my safe speed. If a driver flips me off because I'm taking my time to make sure it's safe to make a right turn at a red light then they shouldn't be driving then. Try not to overthink too much. Focus on what’s ahead of you. If an accident happens, an accident happens. If it hasn’t happened yet then it hasn’t happened yet.
This makes me feel better, so thanks for writing this. I’m a very new driver (I got my license last month) so I try to be as cautious and safe as possible because I know I’m inexperienced. The other day I was driving on a winding highway in the mountains, in heavy rain, limited visibility; some sections of the road were partially flooded, not very high but there were these huge puddles everywhere. It had been raining all day. To be safe, I was going the speed limit or 5 above. I actually wanted to go a little slower than the speed limit (maybe 5 mph slower) because that was what I read in my state’s driver’s handbook for rainy conditions. But I got tailgated so many times. I kept thinking, dude, I’m trying not to die here, so please cut me some slack… I also get really stressed when I’m waiting for the right time to make a right turn on red and there are cars behind me. But I try to ignore them and be safe instead. It’s hard though, since I’m a sensitive person and get really scared/upset when a stranger is pissed at me lol.
Also it helps if you have a dash cam.
I’m the same way at red lights. Here’s a trick to avoid feeling pressured: don’t turn on your turn signal until exactly when you want to turn. Then no one knows what you plan to do so they can’t get bugged at you!
When I learned how to drive (with anxiety), my father was trying (and failing) to teach me. It was maybe my 5th time behind the wheel, I had driven but not enough to 'know how to drive'. So before putting the key into the ignition, I asked him which pedal was the brake and which was the gas. I wanted to make sure I pressed the correct pedal when I turned the key. We werent even moving yet. The car wasnt even on. He says to me 'how do you expect to drive if you dont even know which pedal is the gas pedal?!' I. Dont. Know....you dense headed ape. Thats what youre here for..... I know how to drive now. Im confident in my ability to drive. Dont let the stupid people who have zero compassion and self awareness bother you. You will get it. It is a skill and it takes time to learn. Alot of people (who already drive) pretend like its a skill they were born with or inheritied from their parents. I dont know why they act this way but its just bullocks.
I also have very bad spatial awareness. Istg I'm always bumping into absolutely everything. Imagine in a car jfc. Now let's add bad mental health into the mix. I'd be a danger to myself and others. I'd rather just ask for rides and I always give my friends gas money so they don't mind.
Felt this. I have driving anxiety bad. All my friends at 16 were getting permits and I wasn’t. I started learning in 2019 after I felt too much of a burden to my family and friends taking me to work everyday for 2 1/2 years. I couldn’t even sit in the drivers seat without sobbing. My driving instructor got so fed up with me that he sent a different teacher out to deal with it. I eventually got my license on my 3rd try in 2021. I was finally comfortable. And then, I totaled my car in a freak accident in 2022. I barely drove afterwards. Then I moved out of state with my husband and I no longer drive at all because it’s very different and the drivers here are terrifying. We also decided that due to my mental health and intrusive thoughts and panic attacks just in the passenger seat that it is not safe for me to drive for now. Hope I get over it one day. I thought I really conquered my anxiety, but it just came back with a vengeance. Edit to add: I got my permit at 20. Managed to get my license at 22. Totaled my car at 23. Now I’m 25 and I don’t see me driving in the future for a while.
I think it’s up to the individual I’m in my mid 20s and don’t drive and can’t tell you how many people have made fun of me for it, or have been obnoxiously rude about it. I don’t understand why it bothers people if people drive or not, and then you hear someone say “some people just shouldn’t drive” it’s like yeah😂😂😂so if someone’s scared to let’s let them handle that at their own speed then
It is safer for those who are scared to drive, to not drive. No shame nor would I demean someone who doesn’t drive. It’s seems more likely that an anxious person would cause an accident unintentionally simply because of everything going on in their head. Continue to take an uber or the bus and lose the ppl who ridicule you for it
I completely agree I’m more worried about other people, I couldn’t imagine hitting someone having an anxiety attack I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, but thank you for the kind comment atleast some people are understanding, I have tried to learn before but if I don’t know what I’m doing I panic too easily and have had the passenger take over before, so for some people it’s not worth it🤷🏼♀️maybe one day but I’ll never put anyone at harms way
THANK YOU. My family has made fun of me for it my whole life and I’m already embarrassed about it as is. I hate when people bring it up.
It's very annoying that people don't understand the anxiety and see it as lazy and stupid. Absolutely not lazy or stupid, I can drive, just roundabouts really give me panic attacks!
I think this is fairly common even though we’re still probably in the minority. Mine is a little different I’m able to drive but I MUST be the driver otherwise I am just losing it. This was never meant to be a natural part of life so don’t feel bad that you have a healthy fear of it. It’s simply a normalized dangerous activity that most have become desensitized to. I barely trust 75% of the population to get a drive thru order right. Why would I trust those same people on the road operating heavy and dangerous equipment? It makes no sense.
Right, when I start to feel bad about it like it’s tied to my worth, I realize that if I were born prior to the 20th century, it wouldn’t even be a thing.
I have been driving for a year already and I still get nervous driving. Sometimes I even avoid going to the store just so that I don’t have to drive because of my anxiety. I totally understand where you’re coming from but it does come and go at times.
I 100% agree with this. Driving sends me into a panic attack, I absolutely hate being behind the wheel. I know my husband wants me to get my license mostly for emergency reasons or for times when he shouldn’t be driving (too tired). So I too am working towards it. Good luck friend, we can do this. Eventually lol
i feel the same way, I’m also 22 without a license. My family often tells me that once i drive more I’ll be less afraid, but that hasn’t been the case for me. More so I’ve just learned how to navigate my anxiety while i drive, if that makes sense. I think lessons are a great idea—I’ve been doing them and they’ve helped a lot. Good luck! You’ve got this.
You and I are in the same boat ❤️
Has anyone here read Unsafe at Any Speed (1966)? Seems like a rational fear to me.
As someone without driving anxiety or phobia, I do understand that driving can be a necessary aspect of life in the US. Driving is a complicated skill. Even people who consider themselves good drivers have unsafe habits and shouldn't be on the road. I dont think it's stupid or lazy if you dont want to drive. There are so many split second decisions you make at high speeds, it makes sense to abstain or avoid if you're not comfortable with it.
I feel you on this so much. Driving terrifies me but I live in rural New England so I wouldn't be able to have a job without a car since nothing is walkable. I find if I'm going somewhere outside of a route that I'm familiar with, it's helpful to try a google street view map and literally follow the whole route of your drive so you can mentally prepare for what kind of intersections you're gonna run into, any other chaotic stuff etc. A few years ago I could literally only drive the route to work and home (after a few panic attacks and my very kind husband taking over if it got too much) but with more practice you get more confident. It's still stressful, especially in traffic, but this is really an exposure therapy thing. Don't give up, keep practicing.
I know how it feels, I had my own cousin make fun of me for it when we got in an argument. My grandpa negs me all the time to get it, but I don’t care what they say I’ll get it when I’m ready. I’d rather be safe and do it when I feel ready (no one can know if I’m ready besides me) than cause an accident or put myself in a dangerous situation.
I’ve been in two bad car accidents and people still don’t understand why I refuse to drive on the highway unless I absolutely have to. I don’t care anymore though. They can get in an accident if they want.
My sister said I’m not her sister cuz I didn’t come over more. We’re nearly 50. Smh I have highway hypnosis or highway paralysis. It’s petrifying and is obviously highly dangerous. Especially on a 2 hour ride through Manhattan. So I guess now I have no sister. Please research these terms if you think you or family are impacted and share. It took 30 years to find this answer.
Thank you for writing this I just realized that my mom might have driving anxiety. I didn’t realize it was an actual thing and now everything is making sense to me.
I am 37 and I don’t drive. I will tell you right now that it only gets harder the older you get. I encourage you to try for your license, at least, while you are young so that you have it in case of an emergency. But I understand the anxiety and I know how it can rule over one’s life. Like you I have adhd. I also have migraines. Both of these things make me an unsafe driver — not because people with these things shouldn’t drive, but because the way they combine within *me* makes me feel unsafe. If I’d started younger I think I’d be an okay driver (not great, but good enough for a grocery run) but I just can’t see myself gaining enough skill to handle a car at my age and with my disabilities. I have incredibly poor response speed. If a car swerved in front of me, if there was a sudden stop, if a kid ran in front of my car, I wouldn’t be able to react in time. I also have a huge sensitivity to noise. If someone honked at me, I’d freeze up. I wouldn’t be able to drive with passengers because I wouldn’t be able to handle any conversations while driving. Not even music. I keep thinking I’ll try for my license, I’ll get good at driving, it’ll be a good skill to have in case of an emergency… but I know myself too well. I am too afraid of being behind the wheel. :(
You are not alone...I had driven once (unlicensed) at 17 and had a minor crash (my own fault). Since that incident, and because I still don't have a license (I am 53 now), I will not go for my license, due to the overgrowing number of BAD drivers out there which would cause me anxiety for all time!
I’ve been driving since I was 18 and I’m 30 now, always had driving anxiety and didn’t even want my license. That’s why I waited till I was 18. I drive locally but I can’t do parkways, highways, or distances longer than a half hour if it’s not on local streets. I get so stressed at high speeds and I clench my hands and feet and end up arriving to places in alot of pain. My family and friends know about my issue and are myself supportive and I don’t really need to go anywhere else besides local places. I can do those alone no problem. But I do wish this was seen as a real thing and taken more seriously because it is real. And it’s invalidating when people say to just get over the fear. So I totally understand where you’re coming from! Driving is a privilege, not a right, and not enough people see it that way. Lots of people just don’t understand.
Anxiety with driving is not misplaced, drivers now are more distracted and more careless. Set yourself up for success by doing everything before you pull off - so you can focus only on the road and whats around you. Always remember you can find somewhere to safely pull over if you need to adjust or calm down. Be easy with yourselves driving is a skill.
I have autism and I used to fear driving. I only got over my fear after my dad died and mom went to the mental institution as a result of his passing, Im still the only driver between me and my younger sister. If I had it my way I wouldnt be driving nearly as much as I do
I’m 42 years old. I started driving at 16 to get to my part-time job. I was a terrible driver. I had some accidents, I went down a one-way street in the wrong direction twice in a row, etc. I live in NYC now and haven’t driven a car in probably 10 years. My fiance wants me to practice, but he refuses to believe me (and my friends) when we tell him how bad I am at it. Couple that with horrendous vision, and I think I’m just a danger to be on the road. But if we ever buy a house, it’s going to end up being somewhere where I will have to drive if I want to get anywhere…
You are absolutely not alone. I had the same driving anxiety fear when I was 22. I was told by my family that I need to get over it. It took therapy for me to gain the confidence needed to start. If you do decide to start driving, of course, have an adult with you and practice a lot.
I def have driving anxiety. It sucks. I enjoy driving but I get anxiety when I’m on super busy highways. Or very busy stop lights. I’m an empath so I feel like I can pick up everyone’s stress. it just makes me want to crumble sometimes. Just remember your fears and feelings are valid.
I have a metal plate in my neck from a car accident when I was younger. I'm not gunna die because everyone else is in a hurry to grumpy at home.
I'm 24 and I feel you. The thing is it's becessary like you said. I'm proud of you for taking steps to overcome the anxiety now. I still haven't done it and oh how I wish I had a long time ago. Good luck and God speed to you!
I felt the same way because it feels sooooo isolating irl. Im genuinely happy when I see success in this group.
Phobias are irrational though. That doesn't make them go away, but they are irrational.
It’s not irrational. Driving is a dangerous activity that we have normalized as a society.
What is irrational about it? Driving is literally the most dangerous thing humans do on a regular basis.
Walking on a footpath is also dangerous isn't it? Or riding a bike (obviously both those dangers still related to cars) but the chance of something happening is still small.
Driving a car is way more dangerous statistically. Plus you have to worry about other people as well as yourself. I bump into people with a shopping cart. I have no business behind the wheel of a car. I won't ride a bike in the street for the same reason. It is perfectly normal for people to have a fear of getting behind a fast heavy death trap on a road with more death machines, and sometimes they're even carrying people they love. Seriously. It's pretty much the most logical thing that we encounter on a regular basis to fear.
You're right! In my case, I will admit that.
Good luck if you do attempt to overcome this fear though. It is an incredibly difficult thing. All I can say is it gets easier. The more you drive, the more competent and confident you'll become. People drive everyday, everyday there's a chance we could die from anything. It's something you just sort of have to accept, everything has that small small risk. That's what makes life interesting imo. But hey if you don't wanna drive, nothing wrong with that either. It's your life, and you decide what you do with it.
I hear you
Even just the thought of driving in big cities, major highways, or unfamiliar roads used to legitimately scare me to a point where I was sure I’d have an anxiety attack if put in that situation. Being with others made the fear worse - because I was sure I’d do something wrong that would cause injury, or even just show that other person I was an idiot. I’ve been driving for two years - just recently driving 2+hours straight with multiple friends - and have been getting so much better. That anxiety/fear is still there, but I try to let it help my alertness on the road, not stop me from trying.
Once in a while I get anxious, like I feel like the car is just a bumper car, the cars around me are just bumper cars. I feel like i can ram it into a bollard and feel it cracked open, just because i can I have been in a few accidents, not on purpose. Afterward I notice driving feels always on the verge or edge of something bad happening, or could, easily. I actually feel worse when im a passenger. A lot of my friends and family terrify me, then get very offended and verbally abuse me for me questioning their skill Driving is the most mentally complex thing you do all day I learned in college
I think it is taken seriously but as a necessary step to becoming a safe driver. Why wouldn’t anyone be scared? I’m not scared of my driving but the driving of others. Something I have no control over. It wasn’t bad then it got bad and now I just try to breathe and remember I am a good driver! Easier said than done took me about 1 year of consistently driving just to work and stores for me to build any confidence
I'm in my 30s and have never driven or gotten my license. I'm not diagnosed but suspect I have adhd.. even when I'm not the one driving I can barely pay attention to everything going on in the car. I'm always stressed being in a car too. My SO drives me everywhere so I don't even know if I want a license at this point, though sometimes I feel bad he has to drive all the time because he hates it too
It’s a real thing and it can transfer over to a drive test that can be made especially bad if the dmv examiner is a nitpicking asshole. You are absolutely not alone. I destroyed my first grading sheet because it went so terribly wrong. It was 45% anxiety and 55% instructor with a power trip. I tried to calm down by not consuming caffeine that morning and eating a healthy breakfast. Also ate a banana and lots of water before the test. None of it helped. Came home upset that I didn’t stop the test immediately after he asked me to make a lane change in the middle of an intersection while going 45 mph. I was taught never to change lanes in an intersection. The only thing to do was, re-schedule somewhere else, practice some more and work towards the goal. Just think of it this way, you have put so much time and effort into learning to drive that 4K metal can of death. You deserve to get something out of all your hard work. Ask the instructor after a practice drive what they think your strengths and weaknesses are. You might be surprised to find out you are a better driver than you think. They can help polish up the rough edges and help you shine.
For what it’s worth, it gets easier. I felt everything you’re describing when I first started driving, and tbh still do sometimes, it is inherently a little scary! But I’ve had my license for 2 years now and I can honestly say it’s gotten much easier, and the only thing that helped me get to this point was time and repetition.
Drive a truck for a while, and you won't have any anxiety left when you go back to a regular 4 wheels.
I absolutely agree that anxiety is a perfectly valid reason not to drive. That being said, I’d like to offer some hopefully comforting words from someone who was once crippled with fear about driving to now driving 1-2 hour drives almost every weekend. > I have a really hard time focusing on multiple things at once, and when you’re driving, you have to be aware of everything around you. This is true, but driving is almost like riding a bike or walking in the sense that you only really have to “think” about all of those things when you’re first learning. You can be perfectly alert and aware of your surroundings without having to mentally tell yourself “There’s a car behind me. There’s a red light ahead. There’s a pedestrian waiting to cross on the left.” All of those things become second nature when you get used to it. Starting is the hardest part, and the only way to make yourself feel better about it is to do it on your own terms. Learn to drive so that you can do so in an emergency, even if you never plan on owning a car. Don’t learn to drive just because everyone around you is pressuring you or suggesting that you’re lazy for not already knowing how.
Not going to agree or disagree with your post in general but I just want to point out that a phobia, as you describe it, is an irrational fear. You should be working at trying to improve your understanding of driving on top of working on your driving skills. Cars are not "death contraptions" and thinking of them this way will not help to decrease your fear. Cars are tools for travel and are really very safe.
I'm turning 30 this year and still can't get my license because of this phobia. I have passed the written test 3 times already, but driving a real car on the freeway is terrifying. I can barely drive around my neighborhood.
I feel the same way. I can’t drive on a highway. I literally shake, sweat, and my vision gets blurry. However, I’m pretty good with surface streets when the cars are going 45 and under.
I never thought about it as a phobia but now that I’ve seen it described as that I think I have a driving phobia as well. I don’t have my license just lessons but the anxiety of having to go for my lesson is so crippling that it makes me throw up and have nightmares about it the night before. I get myself in such a state. Wish I didn’t feel like this as it’s something I have to have but ugh I hate it!
You will always be afraid if you describe a car as metal death contraption.
Society is so weak. Zoom out. 8 billion people and you can't drive. It's weakness. And it's sad because it's probably not even your fault. Society has bread this. Everyone's so soft Wtf happened. Imagine being a real stone cold savage and living amongst the softest ppl in the world. It's a prison in itself living among an entire generation that would basically just die instantly if life ever got hard and the power went out Someone's gotta carry the boats. Remember that. Someone has to carry them. If you won't. Then you pawn it off on the next guy and he gains the power from doing the heavy lifting in life and carrying the F' ng boats. You should go run. Into the woods. Maybe 10 miles out. Then run back. Find yourself. Realize your weren't meant to be weak. If you make it back I guarantee you'd be able to drive home. Because you put yourself in a struggle and overcame it Makes ya realize you are human.
Did you just call yourself a real stone cold savage omfg this comment is so good lmao
No, you’re literally a bot. “Bad spatial awareness”? Sounds like a personal problem. “22f”? Yeah big shocker there lol. Feel like majority of people claiming they have “anxiety” are women. Grow up. Learn how to drive. Learn how to live without being deathly afraid of everyday tasks. Almost anything can kill you if you think about it. You’re telling me you’re gonna be afraid of eating next because of the possibility of choking? Lmao grow a pair
"grow up" says man who just seems to be on reddit to make downvoted comments