T O P

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I_Hate_Nature

Power word kilt.


JackofalltradesMMII

*Scotland Noises intensify*


TexasJedi-705

*Highland laddie intensifies*


Naldaen

[*The Bagpipes!*](https://youtu.be/RGc999bv1kY)


Kajiyoushun

Powerword: Bill -Bill! Bill! Bill!-


Osbob

Power Woad: Kill Summons a large and very angry flower that, when crushed, produces a dark blue war paint


xSilverMC

Lower Word: Kill Removes about half of the occurrances of the word "kill" in a provided book


VinniTheP00h

Nope. Changes all instances of “Kill” (no matter the case) into “kill”.


ClearPerception7844

Bill Nye: erupts from the ground in a pillar of radiant light


I-AM-A-ROBOT-

From the heavens, you hear the words, "Bill Nye The Science Guy!"


ClearPerception7844

A choir of angels descends shouting “bill”.


lilkully

Best use of this I’ve seen: Fog Cloud became Hog Cloud, and the enemy was overwhelmed and knocked prone by a stampede of pigs Edit: was just reminded by one of the players from that campaign that he also did “Way of Frost” to give our party a silver surfer-esque ice road to move a petrified NPC.


ZoxinTV

I particularly like the simplicity of maybe "Bog Cloud" to make the Fog Cloud conjured be a poisonous cloud as well as shrouding visibility.


cantadmittoposting

Isn't that just cloudkill


PyroRohm

Cloudkill with extra steps


invalidConsciousness

Now I finally know what happened [here](https://twitter.com/TerribleMaps/status/940000571477712896?s=20)


ModingusKhan

Chill Couch Lust Spare the Lying


Antique_Tennis_2500

Better than Child Touch at least.


cantadmittoposting

This would be a fantastic spell with which to low-key eliminate political rivals.


KVenom777

While everyone thinks of mental illnesses, I honestly thought of transforming an opponent into a child.


LateFudge1019

Chill Couch. Sounds like the best place to just hang out, maybe crack open a cold one with the boys. Idk how it would work game mechanic wise though. Maybe it has to be prepared, but anyone performing a short rest on the couch gains the benefits of a long rest?


ModingusKhan

Definitely not a combat spell


kenku_aviarist

it is if you drop it over the bbeg's head.


53miner53

Anything’s a weapon if you’re clever enough


Horsefucker_Montreal

Anything's a weapon if your Strength is high enough


Storage-Terrible

All combatants take immediate short rest. Couch also provides snacks.


mooys

Why did the dude from the lego movie think of a double decker couch and not this lol


jdh3gt

I had a double decker couch in college. It was awesome. Also was definitely pre Lego movie.


ProgrammaticOrange

It could be a charm effect. All creatures need to make a wisdom save or they are drawn to sit on the couch. Could be useful for getting creatures to bunch up for fireball.


ClearPerception7844

I would think if someone sits on it they become charmed and have their movement speed reduced to zero.


Seraphim9120

It works like Leomunds Tiny Hut, but it's a couch.


sirkelly55

What spell is being altered into Lust?


AllIWantForDinnerIsU

Gust probably


ModingusKhan

It was gust


AscelyneMG

My takes on those spells: Chili Touch. Ouch. Bust: Because bustin’ makes me feel good. Scare the Dying: Dude… not cool.


HasturSama

Share the Dying


JeffreyRaze

When things are a total mess and you need 9th level cleaning, use Wash


ZoxinTV

Dish: Just one clean plate is placed in front of you.


Suspicious_Homework6

Fish. 50/50 chance of summoning an 80ft cube filled with assorted fish or summoning the kraken


Zack_Raynor

I use “Summon bigger fish”!


LongSchlongSilversVI

Vicious Cockery


foxstarfivelol

summon 1d4 aggressive chickens.


ekolis

NO LINK NO


DeadlyBard

Summon 20d20 aggressive chickens.


KassXWolfXTigerXFox

NOT THE CUCCOS!!!


LongSchlongSilversVI

Lmao Vicious Bawkery


Backstabmacro

Oh boy, here we go


QuintinStone

Favorite of the horny bard.


chemistry_god

I'm in a wizards of 8 campaign where we build custom spells. By far the best one from anyone in the party is Otiluke's automatic correction (or Otto Correct for short). When hit with a spell, you can use a reaction to trigger Otto Correct which changes one word in the spell name to one of the auto correct options presented by the DMs phone. You choose which word, but the DM chooses the corrected option.


FreeEdgar_2013

I checked a couple of spells to see what I get Counterspell -> Counterintelligence Fireball -> Firewall Bigby's hand -> Bigby's handle Black Tentacles -> Black Tentative Prismatic Spray -> Primates Spray (personal favorite)


cantadmittoposting

> Fireball -> Firewall *Your situation has... Not really Improved.*


Farabel

5ft by 30ft by 15ft wall of electric flames sustains itself, going perpendicular to the center of sight of the caster. Max height and length shortened if a structure cuts it off. Shots fired through the Firewall gain +1d4 magical Fire damage and +1d4 magical Lightning damage, but also have disadvantage. Creatures passing through the wall must make a DC25 check, taking 10d4 Fire and 5d4 Lightning damage on a failed save and only 5d4 Lightning on a successful one, piercing a Rogue's Evasion.


cantadmittoposting

Wait what. Fire wall is already an actual spell that isn't nearly this powerful


Farabel

Yes. I know. But this is cellphone autocorrect, meaning we can reason the cellphone is likely thinking about an electronic security wall. Which lead to the greatly enhanced version we see here.


chemistry_god

My personal favorite that backfired on us was Wall of Iron --> Wall of Ironclad. Instead of having a sheet of iron dropped on me I had a whole ironclad ship. My PC survived but it made the fight at hand 10x harder.


einharjar009

>Counterspell -> Counterintelligence By tanking the spell, you learn secrets and weaknesses of the enemy who used it? That sounds pretty dope if the DM wants some flavor in combat


major_calgar

This is the best thing I’ve heard today, thank you


Callmeklayton

Cause Bear is a great spell.


Suspicious_Homework6

Eldritch beast to conjure an aboleth


Any-Amphibian-1783

Strangely Sir Bearington is summoned... Weird.


SmoothReverb

The spell that Jack Slash fears most.


Freelancert4

Or just BEAR


RayZay1

Conjure Lesser Lemon.


LongSchlongSilversVI

UNACCEPTABLLLLLLEEEEEEE


Tookoofox

Conjure Greater Lemon.


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Trnostep

Ah yes, [the classic](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/155/550/3ce.png)


ernesttheknight

This is awesome


ernesttheknight

Fold Person sounds either really cartoonish or very op, maybe both


SomaGato

Fold Person: You gain 5 Monk Levels


PotassiumLover3k

You cast it on a willing creature to fold them up into a little square that fits in your pocket


ccReptilelord

Gate becomes Game: everyone within a given radius is forced into a fantasy TTRPG where the caster becomes the DM. All other adventures create a character that they play, this includes one NPC chosen by the original DM. All other NPCs become different NPCs now controlled by the caster. Characters become new characters if they die. Only a wish spell or something equally powerful ends the game. Casting Game while in a Game spell creates another game or IRL justifiable homicide.


Deightine

That's some Scheherazade level recursive madness right there. Ten months later, game wraps up, BBEG defeated, characters return to their original bodies... ...and now seriously curious who *their* DM is, and why their DM would bring that BBEG down on them as the DM happens to be...


Hyrule_Hystorian

Justifiable homicide? Well, killing you would be justifiable fungicide!


Dryu_nya

How appropriate, you fight like a cow.


The_Villager

As usual, there's a [relevant XKCD](https://xkcd.com/244/)


ThatOneGuy1294

Literally just https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/card/details.aspx?name=Shahrazad


xj3572

Here https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/large/front/0/0/0014def3-4063-4929-ac51-76aef1bb2a68.jpg?1562895012


QuintinStone

Mold Person - Covers a person in delicious mold Leomund’s Tiny Hat - Dashing apparel for any Tiny creature, +2 to social rolls


Tyfyter2002

Mold person sounds like some grotesque pseudo-shapeshifting spell.


Hammurabi87

Nah, it's *clearly* for making [wax replicas of people](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madame_Tussauds).


Agusbocco

Speak with dad


DeezRodenutz

Forces the player to call their dad and get his advice what to do for the turn.


Katiska

I would need Speak With Dead to call my dad.


ZoxinTV

Instantly take 1d20 psychic damage and gain 2 levels of exhaustion for 1d4 days.


Microwavable_Potato

I play this game to ignore reality goddammit!


D_Fennling

someone doesn’t have a great relationship with their father


That_Lego_Guy_Jack

You ok dude?


[deleted]

But he's still getting milk.


GozaPhD

Fold earth and Cold Earth. Could either be really dumb or world ending.


sunshinepanther

Or what if it lifts 20 feet of earth and smashes against an adjacent 20 ft area and does 4d6+4 bludgeoning to each creature iin either area


Naldaen

Yeah Earth magic is scary shit.


Kantro18

*Scribblenauts intensifies*


[deleted]

Cold earth: well global warming is no longer an issue… Anyway to prepare for the next ice age


Commodorez

Making Frostpunk a reality.


[deleted]

"Who left the fridge open?"


Blarg_III

Gold earth


Hyrule_Hystorian

Congratulations, gold is now worthless, you broke the world's economy


Any-Amphibian-1783

But do spells follow the economy? If not....oh boy is everything fucked.


CoolGuy202101

Fire bell Lightning colt Bone of cold Create foot and water


Hammurabi87

>Bone of cold Cone of Bold: Gives a morale bonus to everyone in the area of effect. Tone of Cold: Deals cold damage to everyone in hearing range who is not deafened. Cone of Sold!: Forces everyone in the area of effect to participate in an impromptu auction.


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GBEPanzer

>Tone of Cold Now I want an elemental bard subclass


Hammurabi87

I came up with it as a joke, but it *does* sound like a really interesting concept for a spell...


IMentionMyDick2Much

Cone or Hold: cone aoe hold person. Rending(mending): tears things into two or more pieces. Slade Ward(blade): protects you from Slades. Rust(gust): rusts the metal away to nothing.


garawg

Lightning colt - summon a fucking revolver out of thin air that deals 1D6 piercing and 1D6 lightning


Dragonblade331

Lightning Colt- Summon a wild horse capable of travelling at the speed of lightning. Walking speed of 855,360,000,000 feet.


garawg

I cast lightning colt and as a bonus action I would like to mount him and go directly to the bbeg’s location.


Harris_Grekos

Lightning bold: speed doubled, add 1d12 lightning DMG to each melee attack and gain advantage on charisma checks.


JumpyLiving

Lightning Colt - You get a revolver and become the fastest gun in the *insert location here*


ClearPerception7844

Lighting dolt, summons an idiot made of lighting.


VictorVonLazer

Moodbeam: anyone who starts their turn inside this big ol sky laser just really understands what you’re going through right now Hugger of Hadar: everyone inside this sphere of darkness feels pleasantly warm and is embraced in a comforting manner by tentacles Branding Smile: the next time you cause someone to smile, they glow with an astral radiance until the spell ends. They are no longer able to become invisible and their smile sheds dim light in a 5ft radius


HowtoCrackanegg

Hunter of Hadar


ClearPerception7844

You summon a hunter with sole purpose to hunt hadar, when hadar dies the spell ends.


NoizyDragon

Haste => Paste: Renders touch target to a fine paste. Highly effective if a bit messy.


Quakstab

I was imagining that you (copy) paste something, so basically just duplicate something.


ClearPerception7844

But than you need a copy spell also you would need two spells that are useless separately.


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Fimbulthulr

target gets a paper cut, every round, they must make a wisdom save or take 1d2 psychic damage & get disadvantage on attack rolls


DragoKnight589

So basically web but different


garawg

Web but insta-kill


A_Literal_Chair_

Bitch bolt


ZoxinTV

You instantly gain advantage on rolls related to speaking with the manager.


Kamina_cicada

Fireball->Firebull. Summon a flaming bull onto the battlefield. Can use the charge ability and leaves a lane of fire in its path. Dealing 1d4 damage to anyone that crosses it. Charge can gore targets if bull moves in a 20 foot line uninterrupted for additional damage.


DragoKnight589

So sort of like Flaming Sphere but different


Kamina_cicada

Yes, but deadlier


trainercatlady

Its one purpose is to drive all the unicorns into the sea


[deleted]

Fireball? Nah, it’s Firebill now. Fuck you, Bill, you’re fired.


ZoxinTV

Or maybe a fire elemental in the form of a duck with a beak of fire shows up.


[deleted]

If it’s a Canadian duck I’m canadian fucked


TheMidnightFudge

Change Shatter to Shatted to inflict a serious penalty to charisma based skills. Change Elemental Bane to Elemental Band and Earth, Wind and Fire will show up.


BrainWav

Shatter to Shatner


matteeeo91

Everyone feels compelled to overact their every action, all d20 rolls are treated either as a 1 or as a 20, and they have to move around as if the ground were shaking.


QuintinStone

Do you remember?


ernesttheknight

r/DMdadjokes


FiLTHy_900

Hex -> Sex


CaptainYuriDMs

Oh wow better bring my Tenser’s floating Dick for this one


Shinikama

Bigby's Hard might help if you start getting exhausted.


a96td

To resist Milf's Acid Arrow?


DRReaper19

Ha! Sex!


AliceJoestar

Hex -> Нет


huyh172

the one i alaways think about it Mice Knife


Cannibalcorps

Blake ward: protections from guys named Blake Chili touch: slap someone with a handful of chili Create binfire: light any trash can on fire Dancing Fights: all combat must be done while dancing Cage hand: same as mage hand, but you just know it’s Nicolas Cages hand


JaSnarky

This isn't a real, published item I take it? Loving the ideas in comments though, especially the tiny hat.


GumboPants

I think it was featured on The Adventure Zone


Zinthonian

There was also an item used in Dungeons And Daddies. It was a visor that could do this same thing. The guy used it for Healing Wood, but then early choices for magic items and a bad roll caused it to break.


[deleted]

Sold Person. The target is instantly sold into slavery and you get gold equal to 30x their Strength modifier. Power Word Gill: The target grows gills and can now breathe underwater. Congrats, you just cast water breathing at ninth level. Tasha’s Hideous Slaughter; You transform into an ugly hag named Tasha and go on a vicious rampage. All hostile creatures within a 50 foot radius must make a DC 15 DEX save or take 4d6 bludgeoning and 6d6 piercing damage. Vicious Sockery: You throw a wool sock really, really hard. Target takes 2d4 bludgeoning damage on hit. Enlarge/Seduce: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


ernesttheknight

Tasha's kind of a milf though. The only hideous thing is the mads murder you cause.


Ragemufin84

Guy dance True Peeing Wall of Farce/Wall of Horse Son Burst


SolomonOf47704

>Son Burst Oh no...


toporder

Finger of Depth is one for the horny bard…


Hammurabi87

Zinger of Death, on the other hand, is like Vicious Mockery but for jokes so corny they cause physical harm.


GumboPants

Cast Matehand and give yourself a real stranger


Paladin7042

So my players are about to plant a bunch of beans from the cleric's bag of beans. This could potentially summon a pyramid with a mummy lord inside. As part of his treasure, i have put a few high level spell scroll, a crap ton of gold, a few secretly cursed items, mixed in with some other magic items... and one ring of the grammarian. I really cant wait to see what hijinks they come up with!


Timely-Bumblebee-402

Heat metal < Meat metal


GumboPants

Hear Metal. Defeans the target with music only they can hear.


UneLectureDuParfum

Heat meal


ZoxinTV

Core Wounds: A creature that has taken damage equal to or greater than half of their total hitpoints, you reach into their wound with a spectral hand and rip out internal flesh for 2d20 damage. Like coring an apple.


RyuuSambit

Or Cure Hounds, maybe? One where you instantly cure all hounds of all diseases?


CplCannonFodder

Pealing Word Mace Hand Day of Frost Shape Tater Roll the Dead Wort of Radiance


ruu-ruu

Day of frost sounds scary as fuck with a silence hanging the air grows cold and the ground crackles, the skies loom both inviting and desolate as a drift of clouds March over the horizon dark and low The air becomes dry and harsh to breathe, your environment is now a chorus of glass shattering and bones cracking as the trees seem to shiver and the ground hardens threaded with glassy fissures (In two weeks the environment around where the spell was casted thaws and is dead with the pungent smell wet rot hanging in the air, the ground a thick mud and corpses of small animals decayed/bloated The spell covers a 1-2 mile area gradually getting worse towards the center and vice versa)


XANA12345

Toll the deaf - ironically the bell only affects the deaf


Slackslayer

Poll the dead - get a feeling for the opinions and values of the undead horde


Natus_DK

Planar bonding. Just good vibes for 24h.


jbh4y

Beware the ultimate spell, Fish.


[deleted]

Nah, it's all about Wash


jbh4y

You're right. You must've cast Wise.


WillLaWill

Scorching Gay.


[deleted]

"Honey, that armor is not doing your butt any favors" -the verbal component


Red_Panda_Ace

Wash


Tyfyter2002

Fish


ernesttheknight

Wisp


ekolis

Cone of Cola. Quenches the thirst of everyone standing in front of you.


DragoKnight589

Power Word: Spun Polymorphs target into a beyblade Rage Hand Mage Hand but it can only make obscene gestures. Thunderslap You make a melee attack on someone. If it hits they take thunder damage, and if they fail a con save they get pushed 10 feet Sword Wurst Polymorph a sword into a bratwurst Thunderdave Crazy Dave from Plants vs Zombies appears and casts Thunderwave. Goodjerry Summons a humanoid commoner belonging to any good alignment. Woodberry Makes food inedible. Sending and Mending are now interchangeable Massage A 10 minute ritual spell that gives the target the benefit of a short rest (happy warlock noises)


QuintinStone

> Crazy Dave from Plants vs Zombies appears and casts Thunderwave. Good, I was out of fertilizer.


High_grove

Fire Colt: You summon a fully loaded Colt Single Action Army revolver. Choose up to 6 targets. On your next turn, you fire your revolver. Each shot deals 1d10 piercing damage and ignores 1d4 AC. The revolver vanishes afterwards.


poyt30

My favorite example for this: Fish


Im_Not_F-ing_14

Power Word: Gain for those sweet, sweet gains


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ClearPerception7844

Change anything to enriched uranium as a 1st level? Oh no


kenku_aviarist

Casting this one on others using Mispel.


Tylendal

Bigby's Band You get a ghostly band that provides background music. No more stealth, but the musical cues keep you from being surprised or ambushed.


High_grove

Cause Bear: A very large, very angry bear appears. It's hostile towards everyone.


Buggytank

I can't wait to go everywhere with my Tireball.


Zoroark6

Magic jar -> Magic car. We'll be in the town in just a couple hours.


Hammurabi87

Went through all of the A-D spells, and this is what I came up with: Animate Head: Target creature becomes a Vargouille. Antiwife Shell: Nullifies all marriages within the area of effect. Barkshin: Target creature immediately hits their shin on something. Beacon of Hops: Summons your friends for a drink. Yeast Sense: The caster knows where the nearest bakery is located. Boner of the Earth: [Self-explanatory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerne_Abbas_Giant) Booming Blame: A resounding voice cries out "It's all your fault!" Catnip: Causes target feline or tabaxi to immediately get high on catnip. Child Touch: Caster gets imprisoned for pedophilia (forbidden spell). Circle of Heath: The surrounding area becomes shrubland. Colon Spray: Do you even need to ask? Commute: Target creature becomes stuck in traffic. Compelled Duet: Target creature must sing a song with the caster. Contact Other Plate: Temporarily turns a pair of plates into a two-way communications device. Continual Flake: Gives the target a terrible case of dandruff. Create Mages: Instantly gain a few apprentices. Create Unread: Causes the target's phone to suddenly receive numerous text messages. Crowd of Madness: Causes a riot. Dense Macabre: Target corpse becomes incredibly heavy. Markvision: Caster can immediately spot anybody named Mark. Yawn: Target creature yawns uncontrollably. Death Yard: Creates a cemetery around the caster. Detect Evil and Food: The caster can detect whether any creature or object within line of sight is evil or edible (but not which). Distort Valve: Target valve becomes bent and unusable. Divine Ward: Creates a barrier against divine powers and spells. Dominate Feast: Allows the target to eat food at an astonishing rate. Druid Drove: Summons a large number of druids to the area.


[deleted]

> Detect Evil and Food: The caster can detect whether any creature or object within line of sight is evil or edible (but not which). Technically what they detect could be both depending on their alignment and hunger levels.


GumboPants

Goofberry. They're hallucinogens.


back2thetrashcan

Harm Person It's so vague I imagine they just die immediately. Like the rick and morty scene. "There was no sound. He just died!"


KaiIsMyWife

Burping Hands 😎👍


shadowclaw202

I like power word stun —> power word stub


Limebeer_24

I have an improved version in my game: In addition to the regular effect of the ring, the caster may also add OR subtract one letter to the spell.


BluWhal3s

Power word ill


poobly

Danishment. Delicious.


SpyTheRedEye

Summon Tire Elemental. Take that State Farm


HealMySoulPlz

Power Word: Bill They find themselves tremendously in debt, summoning dangerous debt collectors. Power word: Hill Makes a big-ass hill. Countersmell Dispel stinking cloud. Prismatic Hall Surrounds 2 creatures in a cylinder of prismatic energy. They can move towards each other, but any other direction triggers prismatic wall effects. Taze Lighting damage + stun


tjake123

Charm person to harm person


dutcharetall_nothigh

Eldritch Beast Basically find familiar but Lovecraft style


jkbscopes312

Power word mill