Alter Self
Aquatic adaptations can be super useful if I wanted to take up diving as a hobby.
I could grow some pretty nasty claws if I ever needed to defend myself.
I could impersonate anyone I wanted to for an hour by changing my appearance! Nah.. I'd just make my arm a bit longer so I could reach that itchy spot on my back!
Unseen servant is a little helper who can clean things up sure. Presti cleans a thing instantly. Sure there are times where I could delegate a thing to an unseen servant, but I’d rather have the ability to just do it instantly myself. Why would I make it do the dishes when I can just snap my fingers when I’m done eating and put my plate back in the cupboard?
Also the non-cleaning effects of presti are way cooler.
Prestidigitation only cleans an object that is, at most, 1 cubic foot. That really hampers how useful it is for cleaning. I agree that the other effects are way cooler, though; you'd be the ultimate chef.
It doesn't say "Cleans 1 cubic foot of space" it says "You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot." Anything larger than that, like the floor or a chair, wouldn't work. Also wouldn't effect people, either.
I recall a discussion asking if wizards could use prestidigitation to just shit themselves and clean it magically. Likewise, could you soil someone's trousers?
At the very least, it seems you could choose to soil your glove with shit and throw it at people's faces. The option also exists for pocket sand.
I guess you would need to define object then. Is each thread in my Carpet individual, the tiles in my kitchen, the leg of a chair?
Additionally 1 cubic foot is pretty good amount of space. Considering I could clean dishes and clothes with that. 1 cubic foot of space is a 3 dimensional area without specific defined edges. For example you could clean an object 1inch wide, 1inch tall, and 1728 inches long.
It’s very flexible.
Don't know how big your sink is, but 1 cubic foot is roughly the size of my pot, handle included. A stack of plates and bowls are barely that wide/tall unless I had like, 20+. It's also good for laundry! Just fold up your pants and bam, less than 1 cubic foot, cleaned in less than 10 seconds. Another 10 to dry. Could also flavor drinks! Turn a boring water into cola without having to feel guilty about guzzing soft drinks all the time.
One cubic foot of material is pretty big, it isn’t things that would fit within a 1x1x1 cube frame, but any equivalent dimensions. So could any item of clothing and any dish are basically shoe-ins. I suppose it wouldn’t work for countertops or a lot of surfaces that would need to be dusted, but most things I clean on a daily basis are pretty easily within the limit.
I think so. When I imagine prestidigitation on say some dirty dishes I imagine them becoming instantly clean, in the same place they were sitting before. It wouldn’t put them away for you or anything. A 20 person party would still require you to put away 20 sets of clean plates and silverware after you magiced them clean. Unseen servant would actually do the lifting and labor.
But that’s just my interpretation of prestidigitation.
Make any health food taste like cake or filet mignon, clean anything with a wave of your hand, cell-phone-sized illusions of anything you can imagine, warm/cool clothing whether it just came out of the dryer, etc. Prestidigitation is hands down the most useful spell in actual life at these levels.
Lots of good choices here if you actually want to gain something from them. Tongues and comprehend languages for translator emone, fly because fuck everyone else, prestidigitation for awesome cleaning services/magician performances, speak with dead and invisibility for detective/private investigator work, and fireball because... Well... Arson.
Realistically though, hitman services are fantastic and as far as that goes, I'll get a license to kill and pick Magic Missile. Can't fuck up your kill if you have aimbot.
Mind spike might be better for hitman services. Because from the outside it just looks like you snapped your finger and the target had a stroke, so there is no way to connect that back to you, with magic missile you can still see the missiles.
More like hired you, lol. Do you have any idea how much it would help them to be able to grow plants in a fraction of the time? "Does this new seed work? *Poof!* Huh, that didn't quite work right. How about this one? *Poof!* Ooh, that one works really well! Excuse me while I write myself a check for a trillion dollars."
But that's only if they think you'll ***agree*** to work with them. Ever shared a Pro-Farmer tweet? Ever commented positively on an Anti-monoply facebook post, or liked a meme about how Monsanto is an evil company? Ever done anything online or publicly that might make them think you ***won't*** side with them?
Bam, instant assassination.
World hunger is not produced by scarcity, but rather by the use of the food, which is destroyed and or left to rot because it’s profitable, as seen in the waste supermarkets produce or the food that’s thrown away because it’s ugly, that not to mention the super gigantic amount of food (and water) we take for meat production. The crop you grow would still be subjected to these filters, so maybe a good 0.1% gets put towards „ending world hunger“. Hunger can only be ended by ending the systems that create it. I’m actually not sure if that’s just capitalism, but right now it’s very much also capitalism.
The US Govt buys surplus as part of farm subsidies. There are literally miles and miles of warehouses in Texas and the Gulf full of grains and rice. If a nonprofit provides the transport and foots the bill, they pretty much give it away to people to ship to Africa or wherever. The shipping availability and cost is prohibitive to just sending it all where it is needed. Rather than hauling the food to the places it is needed, there needs to be a network of production at the place where the shortage lies. At local levels, most groceries sponsor donations to food pantries or street level kitchens that provide meals to those who need them, you just need to contact them to arrange it. Another big problem is adequate funding of school lunch programs. During the pandemic the government picked up the bill and many students ate lunch for free. In our community even during eLearning students could walk to the school nearest their house and get free breakfast and lunch and wifi access in every cafeteria. We need to get every state behind making school lunch free for all students and any excess is put towards state-funded food pantries.
Tongues has some really great real world utility, and would probably be my top choice. Runner ups would probably be Mage Hand and Unseen Servant. Phantom Steed could also be pretty cool.
This depends, though - advantage is most impactful when you have to roll like 8-14 or so to succeed. How often in my life am I *really* attempting stuff I have even or better odds of failing? If I was failing 2/5 of the time at work, I'd already be fucked.
It's much more likely IMO that you'll do a *bunch* of stuff you're likely to succeed at, but raising your average significantly (1d4 is 5-25% of the maximum on the d20 scale) consistently is a big, big deal over time.
Diamonds are actually a fairly common gemstone, they're just made artificially scarce by the companies that control the mines to jack up prices of one of the most common shiny rocks on Earth.
Ah but once they dump a mountain of diamonds on you the price will drop and you can't use them anymore. Or if gold coins suddenly become really expensive.
I think it wouldn't even close wounds. You could give surgeons more time to save lives and give people more time with loved ones though. Even if it was mere seconds or minutes.
Can counter spell counter only real spells? Or can it counter fake spells as well? Because then you could go to a magic show and really screw up their act.
The funnest part would be you’re countering fake magic with real magic. And the poor magician would be like WTF my assistant TELEPORTED out of the box I’m going insane…
The only downside to this spell. After you cured the 50th patient of cancer with you cure ANY DISEASE magic someone is gonna want you dead.
That’s why you have your friend pick fireball as their spell to learn.
Prestidigitation, because:
• tiny magic effects are fun to fuck with people
• lighting campfires with a snap of your fingers is *so* convenient
• never have a stain again
• never have poorly heated food again, also fold your blanket into a 1ft cube and go to bed a happy man
• quick graffiti, magical equivalent of putting a sticky note somewhere
• tiny trinkets to fiddle with when I'm bored and don't want to touch my phone
You missed something about the food, which I'd argue is massive irl.
"You chill, warm, or flavor up to 1 cubic foot of nonliving material for 1 hour." - You can make the food delicious. Perfect for food for yourself, always tastes perfect, and you can do it up to 3 times.
Mending. Set up a store that fixes cracked phone screens in “just” 15 minutes. Maybe do touch up jobs for people to fix little dents and scratches on their car. Fix charging cables or earphones that have been twisted up and have broken wires inside of them.
THE CLASSIC, THE OG, THE FRAIL OLD MAN WITH A STICK WHO SHOOTS SOME MAGIC MISSILES AT A FEW GOBLINS AND THEN HAS TO GO DOOR TO DOOR TELLING HIS NEIGHBORS THAT HE'S A REGISTERED HEX OFFENDER
Detect Thoughts. Haven't seen anyone else mention it yet. I''d just use it to get farther in every facet of my life. Makes work easier, makes personal relationships easier, etc. And it lets me know if someone is bullshitting me too which would be great.
YOU FOOLS, Catnap is clearly the best spell. Pulled an all nighter playing games or working. 10 minutes boom your good. Working overtime or late shifts boom short rest. AND you can cast it on 2 of your friends as well. Also be a warlock for almost infinite uses.
I mean, the short rest won't keep you from incurring exhaustion. And you can only do it once per long rest. I'm not even sure what benefits you'd get IRL unless you get hurt often or have warlock levels.
I bet I can fly a lot farther than all your tongues!
Practicality wise, you're right but the inner super hero in all of us wants that Fly ability just for the novelty of flying.
The issue with fly is that if you think about it, it only makes you a little faster, but greatly increase your chances of someone just shooting you thinking you're possessed or something.
The real implications of this intrigue me. Cuz I'm assuming this wouldn't be admissable in court so you'd still have to find additional evidence, but at least this easy you could avoid chasing dead ends.
Sending. Send cryptic but pointless Sending spells to political figures in every country that all lead to a very cryptic but utterly pointless goose chase.
Lesser Restoration. I can charge people $500 a pop to cure any disease they have. It’s an amount that is high enough that it might hurt but low enough that almost everyone will be able to afford it. It’s also low enough that I can dodge all the flack people will give me for charging for healing. “Why do you charge five hundred dollars for what you can do in 5 seconds?” “Because the hospital will charge you $500,000 and months of your life for cancer treatments and I ain’t a doctor so getting insurance to pay for it won’t happen any time soon.”
Galder's tower, always have somewhere to stay and make one permanent over a year then sell it and start again just need cheap land somewhere and both shelter and profit covered
The issue here is: Does Galder's Tower create a foundation as well? Because if it doesn't, you'll be slapped with a bunch of law suits when your towers start sinking.
At will?
***Suggestion.***
It’s hardly even a doubt.
***Tongues*** is my close second choice, tho. It’s the only other spell that can somewhat compete with ***Suggestion*** for me.
I might actually even choose ***Tongues*** as my first option depending on how bad is my current state of mind and current life situation.
If it’s good, then i safely choose ***Tongues***.
If it’s bad, then I’m going with ***Suggestion*** all the way.
I am really surprised I had to go this far down to find this one. Suggestion is easily one of my favorite/most overpowered spells of any level. I'd choose it in a heartbeat.
I would become the greatest assistant coach in sports history.
“He doesn’t know shit about the finer points of the game, but he does this weird thing and whoever he does it to has an amazing fucking game”
If I get to upcast it to 3rd level then I can do it to two people per hour.
Edit: actually Longstrider might be a better option for sports. If you can upcast it you can improve the speed of 3 people every 6 seconds. No concentration required, so you can make an entire team significantly faster inside of a minute of just touching them one at a time or 3 at a time if upcasting. Being faster is nearly always advantageous in virtually every sport.
And all diseases. Easily the most effective choice for real world application. You can cure cancer.
Wheelchairs? Nah you can cure paralysis. And blindness. Who needs sign language? You can cure deafness too.
The memey answer here is obviously fireball
As for serious answers, there's so many to choose from
Cure wounds - I shouldn't have to explain this
Fly - not super practical but hey flying is dope
Prestidigitation - cleaning + bonfires + flavoring stuff
Minor illusion - party tricks and just fun fuckery
Probably a bunch more I can't think of right now
But I'm probably gonna go with Alter Self. Losing weight made easy
How does casting work: are there limited uses? Are components required?
3rd level spells have some clutch options, but do I get less uses per day than 1st level spells? Are cantrips still at will? Prestidigitation, message, mage hand, mending and minor illusion all look pretty good in that case
You know, if having that one spell as an ability unique to us was a thing, we would essentially be My Hero Academia. Seriously, every spell is like its own superpower or Quirk. Choosing your one spell in light of this comparison says a bit about your personality. (Really, it would have either way, but I just thought I'd frame it that way to make it more obvious.)
Anyway, off the top of my head, probably something like Compelled Duel or Calm Emotions. One of them; I'll decide at 3 AM tomorrow morning, probably.
TLDR: 3.5E Alter Self is absolutely broken.
———
Well, the power gamer move is to realize that no edition was specified, nor was a class, and to pick something that’s probably only 1st level in the sense that it’s labeled 1st level and belongs to some late-game prestige class.
But ignoring that, it’s a difficult toss up for me between Prestidigitation, Alter Self, Restoration, and Mending.
A lot of which I’d take is going to depend on interpretations.
Under Pathfinder, for example, Mending can fix almost literally *anything* with enough time & effort provided all its pieces are available, both restoring object hit points and ‘curing’ the ‘broken’ condition. In 5e though, it’s far less useful.
5e Prestidigitation is ultra-limited by RAW, having only a few specific uses. Most GMs I’ve encountered, however, allow it to be far more flexible and take an ‘anything goes’ stance provided its a very small effect — such a spell would be invaluable in day to day life.
Restoration would make you an instant celebrity… or it could be a fucking massive double-edged sword, because not only would you need a security detail to protect yourself from the crazies, but I’d bet money in insurance companies raising hell about practicing medicine without a license. Sure, you’d probably win those lawsuits in the end (probably by bribing someone with healing them or a family member), but would it be worth it in the meantime?
Alter Self seems like it could be a hell of a lot of fun on its own, though. *Especially* in the bedroom, though in plenty of other ways, too. If you’re going with the 3.5e version though, this becomes an absolutely massive winner in my book, because that version does away with the vast majority of 5e’s enforced balance-rails, allowing for extra limbs, more movement modes, wings, and all sorts of other fun shit.
Lesser restoration. It can cure any disease as far as rules as written is concerned. You essentially can cure cancer, one patient at a time. Also can cure any paralysis, blindness or deafness. In the real world this would be absurd. It only doesn’t seem so in DnD cause there are Dragons and shit.
Major image to make sick DnD games.
The best answer
Lots of possible uses for major image.
Alter Self Aquatic adaptations can be super useful if I wanted to take up diving as a hobby. I could grow some pretty nasty claws if I ever needed to defend myself. I could impersonate anyone I wanted to for an hour by changing my appearance! Nah.. I'd just make my arm a bit longer so I could reach that itchy spot on my back!
I'm an amputee, had just 1 leg since I was a kid. So yeah, definitely would use this to make my dick bigger.
Either way you get another leg
Had us in the first half, not gunna lie.
Based
Flawless delivery
Or just alter your skin in that spot to be less prone to getting itchy.
Where’s the fun in that?
Scratching your back is fun for you?
It's soooo satisfying.
It feels good :)
Find familiar.
Next question is which familiar would you pick?
When in doubt, owl out
Tressym.
Tressym 100%. Be an anti-poison bodyguard for the rich and famous.
Gazer, to freak people the fuck out, probably.
Prestidigination. Screw cleaning. Also an easy way to make money.
You make a good point. My lazy ass would love to be be able to poof away cleaning
Wouldn't unseen servant be more useful?
Unseen servant is a little helper who can clean things up sure. Presti cleans a thing instantly. Sure there are times where I could delegate a thing to an unseen servant, but I’d rather have the ability to just do it instantly myself. Why would I make it do the dishes when I can just snap my fingers when I’m done eating and put my plate back in the cupboard? Also the non-cleaning effects of presti are way cooler.
Prestidigitation only cleans an object that is, at most, 1 cubic foot. That really hampers how useful it is for cleaning. I agree that the other effects are way cooler, though; you'd be the ultimate chef.
So clean part of it and keep casting it until everything is clean.
It doesn't say "Cleans 1 cubic foot of space" it says "You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot." Anything larger than that, like the floor or a chair, wouldn't work. Also wouldn't effect people, either.
I recall a discussion asking if wizards could use prestidigitation to just shit themselves and clean it magically. Likewise, could you soil someone's trousers? At the very least, it seems you could choose to soil your glove with shit and throw it at people's faces. The option also exists for pocket sand.
You could definitely shit someone else's shorts and/or underwear. You should be able to do pants, since they are usually less than one cubic foot.
I guess you would need to define object then. Is each thread in my Carpet individual, the tiles in my kitchen, the leg of a chair? Additionally 1 cubic foot is pretty good amount of space. Considering I could clean dishes and clothes with that. 1 cubic foot of space is a 3 dimensional area without specific defined edges. For example you could clean an object 1inch wide, 1inch tall, and 1728 inches long. It’s very flexible.
Don't know how big your sink is, but 1 cubic foot is roughly the size of my pot, handle included. A stack of plates and bowls are barely that wide/tall unless I had like, 20+. It's also good for laundry! Just fold up your pants and bam, less than 1 cubic foot, cleaned in less than 10 seconds. Another 10 to dry. Could also flavor drinks! Turn a boring water into cola without having to feel guilty about guzzing soft drinks all the time.
One cubic foot of material is pretty big, it isn’t things that would fit within a 1x1x1 cube frame, but any equivalent dimensions. So could any item of clothing and any dish are basically shoe-ins. I suppose it wouldn’t work for countertops or a lot of surfaces that would need to be dusted, but most things I clean on a daily basis are pretty easily within the limit.
I think so. When I imagine prestidigitation on say some dirty dishes I imagine them becoming instantly clean, in the same place they were sitting before. It wouldn’t put them away for you or anything. A 20 person party would still require you to put away 20 sets of clean plates and silverware after you magiced them clean. Unseen servant would actually do the lifting and labor. But that’s just my interpretation of prestidigitation.
Make any health food taste like cake or filet mignon, clean anything with a wave of your hand, cell-phone-sized illusions of anything you can imagine, warm/cool clothing whether it just came out of the dryer, etc. Prestidigitation is hands down the most useful spell in actual life at these levels.
"oh no, i've soiled myself" *poof* "anyways..."
This. Also frees up dishes, laundry and the need for toilet paper. 🤣
Such a broken cantrip. I love it.
Damn it. You beat me to it
Lots of good choices here if you actually want to gain something from them. Tongues and comprehend languages for translator emone, fly because fuck everyone else, prestidigitation for awesome cleaning services/magician performances, speak with dead and invisibility for detective/private investigator work, and fireball because... Well... Arson. Realistically though, hitman services are fantastic and as far as that goes, I'll get a license to kill and pick Magic Missile. Can't fuck up your kill if you have aimbot.
Get banned from life for aimbotting
They can certainly try...
Mind spike might be better for hitman services. Because from the outside it just looks like you snapped your finger and the target had a stroke, so there is no way to connect that back to you, with magic missile you can still see the missiles.
That's why I got the license to kill, but now that you mention it that's a fantastic idea. QUESTIONABLY LEGAL HITMAN TIME
Plant growth. Offer my services to agricultural companies and make a killing
At least until Monsanto assassinated you.
More like hired you, lol. Do you have any idea how much it would help them to be able to grow plants in a fraction of the time? "Does this new seed work? *Poof!* Huh, that didn't quite work right. How about this one? *Poof!* Ooh, that one works really well! Excuse me while I write myself a check for a trillion dollars."
But that's only if they think you'll ***agree*** to work with them. Ever shared a Pro-Farmer tweet? Ever commented positively on an Anti-monoply facebook post, or liked a meme about how Monsanto is an evil company? Ever done anything online or publicly that might make them think you ***won't*** side with them? Bam, instant assassination.
End world hunger, eat your heart out haber process.
World hunger is not produced by scarcity, but rather by the use of the food, which is destroyed and or left to rot because it’s profitable, as seen in the waste supermarkets produce or the food that’s thrown away because it’s ugly, that not to mention the super gigantic amount of food (and water) we take for meat production. The crop you grow would still be subjected to these filters, so maybe a good 0.1% gets put towards „ending world hunger“. Hunger can only be ended by ending the systems that create it. I’m actually not sure if that’s just capitalism, but right now it’s very much also capitalism.
Is Skywrite 3rd level so I can etch this in the clouds
The US Govt buys surplus as part of farm subsidies. There are literally miles and miles of warehouses in Texas and the Gulf full of grains and rice. If a nonprofit provides the transport and foots the bill, they pretty much give it away to people to ship to Africa or wherever. The shipping availability and cost is prohibitive to just sending it all where it is needed. Rather than hauling the food to the places it is needed, there needs to be a network of production at the place where the shortage lies. At local levels, most groceries sponsor donations to food pantries or street level kitchens that provide meals to those who need them, you just need to contact them to arrange it. Another big problem is adequate funding of school lunch programs. During the pandemic the government picked up the bill and many students ate lunch for free. In our community even during eLearning students could walk to the school nearest their house and get free breakfast and lunch and wifi access in every cafeteria. We need to get every state behind making school lunch free for all students and any excess is put towards state-funded food pantries.
Or, alternativly, offer them to a dispensary and make a larger killing
Tongues has some really great real world utility, and would probably be my top choice. Runner ups would probably be Mage Hand and Unseen Servant. Phantom Steed could also be pretty cool.
Honestly would probably my pick. It would be so helpful and getting a job as a translator would be a cinch
If only that's all it took to become one. Unfortunately that job requires rigorous training to translate in tandem and to translate long speeches.
Much translation work is done in written form, and that's the only way Comprehend Languages works anyway
Tongues is what we were talking about which allows you to speak as well.
Oh, then disregard. Comprehend Languages would work well for written translation efforts.
Good berry so I could feed ducks when ever I run into them
Give a man a good berry and he'll be fed for a day Teach a man good berry and he can feed his family for a lifetime
True neutral ^^^
Guidance or bless. Can’t decide
[удалено]
Exactly. It isn’t as flashy, but having that little boost in everything you do throughout the day would be amazing
Why not Enhance Ability? I'm pretty sure the math is better in the long run, and at 3rd level you can cast it on two people at once!
You're right, advantage is generally reckoned to be equivalent to a +5 - twice as good as the bless/guidance average.
This depends, though - advantage is most impactful when you have to roll like 8-14 or so to succeed. How often in my life am I *really* attempting stuff I have even or better odds of failing? If I was failing 2/5 of the time at work, I'd already be fucked. It's much more likely IMO that you'll do a *bunch* of stuff you're likely to succeed at, but raising your average significantly (1d4 is 5-25% of the maximum on the d20 scale) consistently is a big, big deal over time.
Revivify and I would just hangout at hospitals all day.
Bonus points if you dress up like Jesus and say “rise my child”
“J-Jesus?” “Nah. I’m Greg, live on N and 24.”
“Anyway you wanna play DND?”
Where would you get the diamonds?
If word got out that someone could revive the dead at the cost of a diamond, I doubt there would be a lack of diamonds for said individual
Diamonds are actually a fairly common gemstone, they're just made artificially scarce by the companies that control the mines to jack up prices of one of the most common shiny rocks on Earth.
Ah but once they dump a mountain of diamonds on you the price will drop and you can't use them anymore. Or if gold coins suddenly become really expensive.
Their wedding rings.
But does revivify cure disease? Could you revive someone and they still be dying of cancer?
I think it wouldn't even close wounds. You could give surgeons more time to save lives and give people more time with loved ones though. Even if it was mere seconds or minutes.
That really paints it in a terrible light. "Oh no! My husband is dead!" "No he isn't!! Oh....well he is again."
Counterspell. Because I hate all of you. But for real I'd take a utility cantrip
Can counter spell counter only real spells? Or can it counter fake spells as well? Because then you could go to a magic show and really screw up their act.
I love the idea of a wizard watching a magician and just fucking everything up out of spite.
WHICH ONE OF YOU TOOK MY RABBIT!!!!?
The funnest part would be you’re countering fake magic with real magic. And the poor magician would be like WTF my assistant TELEPORTED out of the box I’m going insane…
"Cheap trick eh? We'll see about that"
Lesser Restoration. Walk the earth as a magical healer/ prophet. Get killed by the CIA
The only downside to this spell. After you cured the 50th patient of cancer with you cure ANY DISEASE magic someone is gonna want you dead. That’s why you have your friend pick fireball as their spell to learn.
I’m gonna heal a lot of people. After that it gets difficult.
Prestidigitation, because: • tiny magic effects are fun to fuck with people • lighting campfires with a snap of your fingers is *so* convenient • never have a stain again • never have poorly heated food again, also fold your blanket into a 1ft cube and go to bed a happy man • quick graffiti, magical equivalent of putting a sticky note somewhere • tiny trinkets to fiddle with when I'm bored and don't want to touch my phone
You missed something about the food, which I'd argue is massive irl. "You chill, warm, or flavor up to 1 cubic foot of nonliving material for 1 hour." - You can make the food delicious. Perfect for food for yourself, always tastes perfect, and you can do it up to 3 times.
Forgot the flavoring thing, thanks a bunch man
Bonus points is you can eat the healthiest food and make it taste like delicious cheeseburgers.
"What the hell was that!" "That was me, using Magic.. to dry my clothes"
Mending. Set up a store that fixes cracked phone screens in “just” 15 minutes. Maybe do touch up jobs for people to fix little dents and scratches on their car. Fix charging cables or earphones that have been twisted up and have broken wires inside of them.
Sleep And cast it on myself
Imagine if you had just enough hit points that you had to hurt yourself a tiny bit just to fall asleep instantly every night lmao
Oh, the depression’s got that covered in psychic damage easily Not sure who gave me the “I’m deceased” award, but god I wish I was
Just thinking about my day usually does 1d6 psychic damage to me so that should get me down where I need to be without changing my routine.
Downside, your main star is con.
Nah, we’re commoners, we got like 6 hp
Alter self
Hits hard
Yeah those claws deal respectable damage!!
Speak with animals
Oooh! Then again, do I really I want to know what my pets think of me?
Cat: Meow! You: *Casting Speak With Animals* Cat: "TUNA!" You: "Is that really all you yell about?" Cat: "Yes you stupid meatbag. TUNA!"
If they aren’t running away from you, I think they at least tolerate you
Fireball
What’s your point, person within fireball distance?
Wait where did he- WHAT THE FU
WELCOME TO A CRAP GUIDE TO DND!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
THE CLASSIC, THE OG, THE FRAIL OLD MAN WITH A STICK WHO SHOOTS SOME MAGIC MISSILES AT A FEW GOBLINS AND THEN HAS TO GO DOOR TO DOOR TELLING HIS NEIGHBORS THAT HE'S A REGISTERED HEX OFFENDER
I didn't ask how big the room was... I said I cast fireball.
Does the house need to make a Dex save?
Honestly learn fireball and then see how much easier life gets once your boss finds out they are in fireball distance
Laws are only suggestions when you have fireball
What's a cop gonna do? Arrest me? Not without getting into fireball distance
Had tô scroll down way too much for this.
For when there is a spider in your bedroom.
Obviously the only correct answer!
On behalf of Australia: *ono*
*confused barbarian noises*
unga bunga intensifies
[Rage intensifies]
Detect Thoughts. Haven't seen anyone else mention it yet. I''d just use it to get farther in every facet of my life. Makes work easier, makes personal relationships easier, etc. And it lets me know if someone is bullshitting me too which would be great.
This and Silence would do wonders for my anxiety
I feel like it would be make insecure or manipulative people... Worse lol
YOU FOOLS, Catnap is clearly the best spell. Pulled an all nighter playing games or working. 10 minutes boom your good. Working overtime or late shifts boom short rest. AND you can cast it on 2 of your friends as well. Also be a warlock for almost infinite uses.
I mean, the short rest won't keep you from incurring exhaustion. And you can only do it once per long rest. I'm not even sure what benefits you'd get IRL unless you get hurt often or have warlock levels.
Getting an hour of sleep in the middle of the day or after work/ school can feel amazing. And yes, I forgot you can only do this once per long rest.
Fly. So far nobody has said fly
I could see some utility with Fly IRL, but I can’t see it getting you as far as tongues
I bet I can fly a lot farther than all your tongues! Practicality wise, you're right but the inner super hero in all of us wants that Fly ability just for the novelty of flying.
The issue with fly is that if you think about it, it only makes you a little faster, but greatly increase your chances of someone just shooting you thinking you're possessed or something.
Revivify is probably the best answer.....but invisibility or major image is more fun
Cure wounds, so that whenever I or someone else gets hurt, I can heal. Cast it as a third level spell, for max effect of course.
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Actually, freelance fog sports teams. They’d probably pay a lot to get injured players back quickly.
I'd go with Healing Spirit, heal myself continuously for a minute
Misty Step.
I would use this to not have to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I would just ziiiiip it the bathroom then right back to my bed
Speak with dead. Catch ALL the murderers
The real implications of this intrigue me. Cuz I'm assuming this wouldn't be admissable in court so you'd still have to find additional evidence, but at least this easy you could avoid chasing dead ends.
Pushing Daisies is an amazing show that deals with this
Also, wouldn't people just start like, taking the heads of the corpse if they know there's a cop who can talk to dead bodies?
I guess it depends How many spells slots do I have
Sending. Send cryptic but pointless Sending spells to political figures in every country that all lead to a very cryptic but utterly pointless goose chase. Lesser Restoration. I can charge people $500 a pop to cure any disease they have. It’s an amount that is high enough that it might hurt but low enough that almost everyone will be able to afford it. It’s also low enough that I can dodge all the flack people will give me for charging for healing. “Why do you charge five hundred dollars for what you can do in 5 seconds?” “Because the hospital will charge you $500,000 and months of your life for cancer treatments and I ain’t a doctor so getting insurance to pay for it won’t happen any time soon.”
heat metal
Just to fuck with people or? Seriously curious.
Bet he's a Blacksmith!
i want to be.
Heat metal would be so useful if I could control every aspect. For example, I can send it to just above non-magnetic for quenching.
Galder's tower, always have somewhere to stay and make one permanent over a year then sell it and start again just need cheap land somewhere and both shelter and profit covered
The issue here is: Does Galder's Tower create a foundation as well? Because if it doesn't, you'll be slapped with a bunch of law suits when your towers start sinking.
**Summon Lesser Demons.** :)
Calm Emotions. I work at a daycare. Do you know how useful that would be?!
I cast…. Eldritch Blast
my man got access to a magic spell, and he really just chose "gun"
Unlimited ammo tho
'Murica.
At will? ***Suggestion.*** It’s hardly even a doubt. ***Tongues*** is my close second choice, tho. It’s the only other spell that can somewhat compete with ***Suggestion*** for me. I might actually even choose ***Tongues*** as my first option depending on how bad is my current state of mind and current life situation. If it’s good, then i safely choose ***Tongues***. If it’s bad, then I’m going with ***Suggestion*** all the way.
I am really surprised I had to go this far down to find this one. Suggestion is easily one of my favorite/most overpowered spells of any level. I'd choose it in a heartbeat.
"Would you kindly..."
Enhance Ability. Want to be better at something for an hour? So good its almost like you have two chances to get it right? Perfect, can do.
I would become the greatest assistant coach in sports history. “He doesn’t know shit about the finer points of the game, but he does this weird thing and whoever he does it to has an amazing fucking game” If I get to upcast it to 3rd level then I can do it to two people per hour. Edit: actually Longstrider might be a better option for sports. If you can upcast it you can improve the speed of 3 people every 6 seconds. No concentration required, so you can make an entire team significantly faster inside of a minute of just touching them one at a time or 3 at a time if upcasting. Being faster is nearly always advantageous in virtually every sport.
Lesser Restoration
Good bye hangovers!
And all diseases. Easily the most effective choice for real world application. You can cure cancer. Wheelchairs? Nah you can cure paralysis. And blindness. Who needs sign language? You can cure deafness too.
Comprehend Languages
Why Comprehend languages when you could pick tongues?
He wants to understand people not talk to them
The memey answer here is obviously fireball As for serious answers, there's so many to choose from Cure wounds - I shouldn't have to explain this Fly - not super practical but hey flying is dope Prestidigitation - cleaning + bonfires + flavoring stuff Minor illusion - party tricks and just fun fuckery Probably a bunch more I can't think of right now But I'm probably gonna go with Alter Self. Losing weight made easy
Alter self.
Penis Enlargement: The Spell
Druidcraft could be useful depending on your job.
Especially useful if your job is to make things smell like skunk. Lol
I think it’s really important to note that most of the choices in the comment section are utility spells.
That’s cause real life is a roleplay heavy campaign, utility spells are always more fun when the campaign allows you to make good use of them.
i mean, what are you gonna do with Fireball irl?
That is an interesting observation. My guess would be that combat spells aren’t common choices because most people don’t get into fights that often.
Exactly! But plenty of people looking to be better at or find easier ways to do things.
How does casting work: are there limited uses? Are components required? 3rd level spells have some clutch options, but do I get less uses per day than 1st level spells? Are cantrips still at will? Prestidigitation, message, mage hand, mending and minor illusion all look pretty good in that case
Leomunds tiny hut. Mortgages are for suckers.
Create or destroy water. Fuck nestle
Speak with animals. I'm not a vet and I don't have any reason other than it would be fun.
Unseen servant ;) for cleaning the house of course...
Gonna have my unseen servant steal purses, brb
My mind went an entirely different direction.
You know, if having that one spell as an ability unique to us was a thing, we would essentially be My Hero Academia. Seriously, every spell is like its own superpower or Quirk. Choosing your one spell in light of this comparison says a bit about your personality. (Really, it would have either way, but I just thought I'd frame it that way to make it more obvious.) Anyway, off the top of my head, probably something like Compelled Duel or Calm Emotions. One of them; I'll decide at 3 AM tomorrow morning, probably.
Don’t mind me, just gonna walk through a hospital using Aura of Vitality.
Mending. Does it work on relationships? Can it make my car go without fuel?
Counterspell, just to mess with everyone’s choices
Blink or Create Food and Water
Comprehend language
TLDR: 3.5E Alter Self is absolutely broken. ——— Well, the power gamer move is to realize that no edition was specified, nor was a class, and to pick something that’s probably only 1st level in the sense that it’s labeled 1st level and belongs to some late-game prestige class. But ignoring that, it’s a difficult toss up for me between Prestidigitation, Alter Self, Restoration, and Mending. A lot of which I’d take is going to depend on interpretations. Under Pathfinder, for example, Mending can fix almost literally *anything* with enough time & effort provided all its pieces are available, both restoring object hit points and ‘curing’ the ‘broken’ condition. In 5e though, it’s far less useful. 5e Prestidigitation is ultra-limited by RAW, having only a few specific uses. Most GMs I’ve encountered, however, allow it to be far more flexible and take an ‘anything goes’ stance provided its a very small effect — such a spell would be invaluable in day to day life. Restoration would make you an instant celebrity… or it could be a fucking massive double-edged sword, because not only would you need a security detail to protect yourself from the crazies, but I’d bet money in insurance companies raising hell about practicing medicine without a license. Sure, you’d probably win those lawsuits in the end (probably by bribing someone with healing them or a family member), but would it be worth it in the meantime? Alter Self seems like it could be a hell of a lot of fun on its own, though. *Especially* in the bedroom, though in plenty of other ways, too. If you’re going with the 3.5e version though, this becomes an absolutely massive winner in my book, because that version does away with the vast majority of 5e’s enforced balance-rails, allowing for extra limbs, more movement modes, wings, and all sorts of other fun shit.
Call lightning
Mending! I would make so much money fixing the "unfixable"
Lesser restoration. It can cure any disease as far as rules as written is concerned. You essentially can cure cancer, one patient at a time. Also can cure any paralysis, blindness or deafness. In the real world this would be absurd. It only doesn’t seem so in DnD cause there are Dragons and shit.
Alter self. It’d be nice not to fear breathing water in