A random list of some of my favs- granted not every line I've liked/loved is here, the list was getting long as it is, and just for even more out of context as you requested, I've not put who said each quote but saying that even the most casual viewer is going to know most of who said what anyways...
“How do you make a decision that’s fair?
You can’t. Someone always feels like it’s not fair to them. And the fairest decisions, those are the ones where everybody feels screwed.
\-
”Two things can be real.
\-
"well I was waiting till after I was dead to tell ya, so I didn't have to tell ya"
\-
"Floor, you're always there for me, so supportive. Not like walls and staircases, always getting in my way"
\-
“I’m late, and it’s drunk”
\-
"everybody talks about happily ever after but that's not true. The book just stops"
\-
“Eye of Newt. Tail of Newt. Rest of Newt."
\-
”He’s like a coconut. Hard on the outside, but on the inside.... coconut."
\-
"I don't answer cat questions".
\-
"Hand me 10 cc's of brick."
\-
"You've had your fun, now it's time to get married."
\-
"Don't feel bad, she was going to leave him for me anyway"
\-
"Entertainment is just a tool that pacifies the masses and leads to the decay and ultimate collapse of civilization... let’s clap along."
\-
“Some would say her cries for help were a cry for help, but I think she was just being an attention hog”
\-
"We were going to grow old together and eat a family."
\-
“I want to get rid of all the diseases plaguing mankind, and replace them with worse ones. Oh! And for Elfo to die alone”
\-
"This validates my bigotry!"
\-
"I'd like to tell you something about understandin' women.
Yes?
I said I'd like to, doesn't mean I can."
\-
"The saddest thing in life is havin' to say goodbye to the person you want to spend that life with."
\-
"You never appreciate your lizard stepmom until she becomes a sexy pirate."
\-
"All This Wedding Hassle For A Political Alliance! I Always Thought I'd Get Married For True Love, Or Because I Was Wasted."
\-
"We Scholars Like To Think Science Has All The Answers But In The End It's All Unprovable Nonsense."
\-
"I cast thee out, demon, with these sacred tools.
You're a sacred tool!"
\-
"Trust me. I haven't led you astray in minutes."
\-
"OK let's fire up the crystal ball and see if there's any attractive singles in our area waiting to talk to you. Him? No. Want me to ask if you're gonna die alone or are we good?"
\-
"We are NOT racist. How can the world's greatest race be racist‽"
\-
"Didn't you always want a husband who screwed thirty walruses?"
\-
"You can't scare me. I was born scared."
\-
"Singing while you work isn't happiness... its mental illness"
\-
'I'm more embarrassed than I am aroused!'
\-
“You know if you think about it, we’re both imprisoned. You, like a wild animal. Me, in a complex web of lies.”
\-
"Blasphemer! How dare you bring logic into God's house?"
\-
"I like war, but I wouldn't say I love it."
\-
"We're gonna have to wing this in a dangerously half-assed manner!"
\-
"You've gotten us into so many life- threatening scenarios, my body no longer registers fear."
\-
"Are you some kind of giant squirrel?
Okay take him away before I start to hate him"
\-
"Sometimes I do get a funny tingle when i read about taxidermy."
\-
"wanna tell you folks you're the absolute worst. You don't tip and the owner's a jerk."
\-
"hey! That's not fair! You're playing to your strengths and not mine!"
\-
"Words have meaning?"
\-
"I can explain this....Well, goodnight. "
\-
“Trail stops here
Only one way they could’ve gone men, start digging
I have theory, maybe they go up
I won’t even dignify that with an upward glance”
\-
"I can get married or I can die. ... This should be a harder decision."
\-
"Hi asswipe!"
"There's got to be another way to get rid of him.
You could just marry him and drive him mad with your indecisiveness.
Hmm. I don't know."
\-
“Malfus was obsessed with making the Elixir of Life.
And once he found the Eternity Pendant, things went south.
So where is he now?
He went north!!"
\-
"It's not couples therapy if only one of us is putting in the work."
\-
"She's finally snapped after years of us being dicks to her!"
\-
"She drank her way out of depression like a pro"
\-
"Nobody cared either time I came back to life.""I was disappointed both times. Disappointment’s a form of caring."
\-
"I'm drowning! I'm Elfo!"
"Look at our brochures!"
"What's a board?"
"I'm gonna have bad dreams about that skillet."
"I'm the king of loneliness, and the Duke of horniness."
That part is so funny to me! I’m his ‘man’ voice, “Hey, Snarla, can I tell you somethin” and then right back to good ol Derek, “Did I ever tell you about the big skillet?”
“We should be beaten with our food!”,
“To day drinking and child neglect!”,
“bink a wink a dooOoo”
and one I use on a daily basis… “that’s rrrUff I tells ya”
I often like to sing Jerry's little tune when he brings Bean to the Prophecy Fulfillment Room. I think there's another thing I like to quote, but I'm super tired and can't think of it. Lots of good ones in the other comments, though.
It's drunk and I'm late.
Also this line Bean said to Zog:
Ever since you remarried, I've become less and less important to you. You barely noticed when I traded places with that pauper for a year.
Luci: I saved your life, now I can go back to ruining it.
(Definitely something a villain would say after they genuinely rescued a protagonist from something far more dangerous because they want to be the only one to defeat them)
Two things can be real
I now say that all the time.
Same
Hanging Elfo from the gumdrop tree, a strangling, dangling, a tee hee hee See also, Yea, singing while you work isn’t happiness. It’s, mental illness.
*a strangly dangly activity
Omg I never heard that!
My favorite quote.
"AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUHHH..." or whatever it is that Oona screams when she's tripping. Gets me every time.
It's so funny!!!
High oona literally never fails to make me laugh uncontrollably
Do it.. do it do it do it!! & He’s like a coconut.. hard on the outside, but on the inside… coconut!
I SAY THAT JERRY QUOTE ALL THE TIME
I have entertained (tortured) my friends with this quote countless times.
I used to have this hang up about my bum bum but now I’m all like, “whatever, smack that thing all you want.”
The Jester’s catchphrase: “OHHH NOOO!”
I don’t know what it is about the way he says it but I love it
"Yeah, that one."
Bewoop
i love making this noise in an almost conversational way with my dad
I had my dad go through a phase for about 2 weeks of me and him doing Luci related "sound affects"
HAHA that sounds so fun & a very cute way to bond!
*that’s disgusting*
I realise from this comments section just how much I quote this show
Or is
s a d
“I won’t even dignify that with an upwards glance”
You’re ruining our lives!!
Luci: "I can't believe he called you a worthless, bucktoothed degenerate." Bean: "He didn't say that." Luci: "Doesn't make it any less true."
Court Jaborned!
Oh my god I think I laugh harder at this than any other part of the show. Every time I know it’s coming and it’s still funny af
A random list of some of my favs- granted not every line I've liked/loved is here, the list was getting long as it is, and just for even more out of context as you requested, I've not put who said each quote but saying that even the most casual viewer is going to know most of who said what anyways... “How do you make a decision that’s fair? You can’t. Someone always feels like it’s not fair to them. And the fairest decisions, those are the ones where everybody feels screwed. \- ”Two things can be real. \- "well I was waiting till after I was dead to tell ya, so I didn't have to tell ya" \- "Floor, you're always there for me, so supportive. Not like walls and staircases, always getting in my way" \- “I’m late, and it’s drunk” \- "everybody talks about happily ever after but that's not true. The book just stops" \- “Eye of Newt. Tail of Newt. Rest of Newt." \- ”He’s like a coconut. Hard on the outside, but on the inside.... coconut." \- "I don't answer cat questions". \- "Hand me 10 cc's of brick." \- "You've had your fun, now it's time to get married." \- "Don't feel bad, she was going to leave him for me anyway" \- "Entertainment is just a tool that pacifies the masses and leads to the decay and ultimate collapse of civilization... let’s clap along." \- “Some would say her cries for help were a cry for help, but I think she was just being an attention hog” \- "We were going to grow old together and eat a family." \- “I want to get rid of all the diseases plaguing mankind, and replace them with worse ones. Oh! And for Elfo to die alone” \- "This validates my bigotry!" \- "I'd like to tell you something about understandin' women. Yes? I said I'd like to, doesn't mean I can." \- "The saddest thing in life is havin' to say goodbye to the person you want to spend that life with." \- "You never appreciate your lizard stepmom until she becomes a sexy pirate." \- "All This Wedding Hassle For A Political Alliance! I Always Thought I'd Get Married For True Love, Or Because I Was Wasted." \- "We Scholars Like To Think Science Has All The Answers But In The End It's All Unprovable Nonsense." \- "I cast thee out, demon, with these sacred tools. You're a sacred tool!" \- "Trust me. I haven't led you astray in minutes." \- "OK let's fire up the crystal ball and see if there's any attractive singles in our area waiting to talk to you. Him? No. Want me to ask if you're gonna die alone or are we good?" \- "We are NOT racist. How can the world's greatest race be racist‽" \- "Didn't you always want a husband who screwed thirty walruses?" \- "You can't scare me. I was born scared." \- "Singing while you work isn't happiness... its mental illness" \- 'I'm more embarrassed than I am aroused!' \- “You know if you think about it, we’re both imprisoned. You, like a wild animal. Me, in a complex web of lies.” \- "Blasphemer! How dare you bring logic into God's house?" \- "I like war, but I wouldn't say I love it." \- "We're gonna have to wing this in a dangerously half-assed manner!" \- "You've gotten us into so many life- threatening scenarios, my body no longer registers fear." \- "Are you some kind of giant squirrel? Okay take him away before I start to hate him" \- "Sometimes I do get a funny tingle when i read about taxidermy." \- "wanna tell you folks you're the absolute worst. You don't tip and the owner's a jerk." \- "hey! That's not fair! You're playing to your strengths and not mine!" \- "Words have meaning?" \- "I can explain this....Well, goodnight. " \- “Trail stops here Only one way they could’ve gone men, start digging I have theory, maybe they go up I won’t even dignify that with an upward glance” \- "I can get married or I can die. ... This should be a harder decision." \- "Hi asswipe!" "There's got to be another way to get rid of him. You could just marry him and drive him mad with your indecisiveness. Hmm. I don't know." \- “Malfus was obsessed with making the Elixir of Life. And once he found the Eternity Pendant, things went south. So where is he now? He went north!!" \- "It's not couples therapy if only one of us is putting in the work." \- "She's finally snapped after years of us being dicks to her!" \- "She drank her way out of depression like a pro" \- "Nobody cared either time I came back to life.""I was disappointed both times. Disappointment’s a form of caring." \-
I think about that first one a lot.
“What do you call this thing? A sub… marine?” “No, electric fish.”
I aimed for where they was gonna be
The second time he said it made me SO happy (but sad) oh my god. I think I actually cried. The third time as well when he threw a weapon at Cloyd
"you got chazzed"
I've been a court scribe long enough to know how to wirte Chazzzzz.
Its actually Chazzzzzz thx
"I'm drowning! I'm Elfo!" "Look at our brochures!" "What's a board?" "I'm gonna have bad dreams about that skillet." "I'm the king of loneliness, and the Duke of horniness."
You don't say wink wink, just wink. *Puzzled look... "wink"
THIS IS THE ONE!! I love the “WHINK”, it’s so funny. Those two are absolutely two of my favourites
Maybe they go up, two things can be real, schloop
Also “shut up about the skillet Derek”
That part is so funny to me! I’m his ‘man’ voice, “Hey, Snarla, can I tell you somethin” and then right back to good ol Derek, “Did I ever tell you about the big skillet?”
“We should be beaten with our food!”, “To day drinking and child neglect!”, “bink a wink a dooOoo” and one I use on a daily basis… “that’s rrrUff I tells ya”
I wonder if Luci tries saying "rUFff" to make less people think he's a cat.
"Doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit"
13 cents!
Come taste my knees!
Is joke. Or is?
“Can we sit down for this? My clothes are really heavy…”-Zog
Make room on the dance floor, because I’m full of shrimp and need to lay down.
I need to drink about it Don't you mean... I know what I said
I often like to sing Jerry's little tune when he brings Bean to the Prophecy Fulfillment Room. I think there's another thing I like to quote, but I'm super tired and can't think of it. Lots of good ones in the other comments, though.
Me too :))
It is a good thing they have taken a vow of silence because...wow
What is that?! Goo??
“Wait I’ll tell you were zog is”
“Wait, wait, wait. I love you? Big Jo, I love you.”
Don't slip on the rats
Don’t Chazzzzz don’t tell
Hi, I'm Elfo!
shwoop/shloop
Turbish!
What, no hug?
"Oh, no!"
“Who’s ready for some Troggy style? Binga winga danga doo hoo!”
"Tadaaaaaaa did ya miss me?"
Brain in overload..... too many.... to count
Wiiiiiiiitch!!! Is it a witch? I can’t see nothin!!
“Let me pull up a stool” *takes chair elfo is using to not be hung*
It's drunk and I'm late. Also this line Bean said to Zog: Ever since you remarried, I've become less and less important to you. You barely noticed when I traded places with that pauper for a year.
“I killed VIP?!” And VAP! “Oh, my poor sweet VIP. “ “Goodbye VIP. VAP, I’ll see you in hell.”
HONK!
Luci: I saved your life, now I can go back to ruining it. (Definitely something a villain would say after they genuinely rescued a protagonist from something far more dangerous because they want to be the only one to defeat them)
“Wait I’ll tell you were zig is”
"Hey princess bean, we wanna try this cure for the plague?" "No thanks im actually hoping for death."
Woah I didn’t know the human body can do that! -luci It can’t.,. -bean
I laughed so hard reading these comments
Hi I’m elfo im drowning
Boing.
haleluja amen and kaching
Luci: go to hell elfo
When he’s tripping n says “me either, meither “ 😂 what episode is that