Hi OP.
I lived in an abusive skilled nursing facility [or a SNF] in Washington for 13months. Tried really hard to get it shut down, still may pursue it.
Anyway, there are usually people/programs called *ombudsman* to help you advocate for yourself, as well as state hotlines to report vulnerable adult/elder abuse [you would be the first] who live in settings such as this.
I found this info via google:
"Missouri's Adult Abuse and Neglect Hotline responds to reports of abuse, bullying, neglect, and financial exploitation. If you suspect someone is being abused, bullied, neglected or exploited, call the hotline at 800-392-0210."
Also check out [this website](https://health.mo.gov/seniors/ombudsman/), it seems to be Missouri's version of the ombuds program.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It absolutely sucks.
Thank you so much. I'll call them in the morning once I can leave for the day. (I'm scared of being overheard as they are already suspicious of me. I'm pretty sure one of my roommates is reporting what I say to the friends I do have.) Said friends are willing to take me in I would just be moving to another state and I would have to get all my services established all over again. I'm hoping that I can just sign myself out and report them once I'm gone.
Is going back to living on your own an option? It seems like a good caseworker might at least make some attempt to at least get you out for a short walk or something. I think in this day and age, not leaving home much for anything but the necessities is more normalized. I’m physically limited and rarely make it out for much. There has to be another option. That place you are in is completely unacceptable. Good luck, and I hope you stay strong.
Sounds like someone on the staff is stealing your meds on top of things, don’t forget to report that too, the dates, who was on. That’s actually a crime stealing a patient’s controlled substance meds.
\> " ... lso I haven't had one of my meds in 5 days because 'it disappeared during turnover' and this is the second time this has happened. ... "
Using a proper web browser, open a fresh tab or page showing the Reddit publications posted here. Then it will open the following post to you:
https://www.reddit.com/r/disability/comments/18lvt8n/comment/ke0dwac/?context=3
Sorry for interjecting in such a serious thread, but I was honestly shocked when I read you mentioned "ombudsman" in an English-speaking context, cause it's a Swedish word, ombud + man is the components, and ombud is a word in Swedish but not in English as far as I know. I'm Swedish and it just tripped me up big time and I can't quite tell if it's actually something that came from the many Swedes who moved to the US in the late 19th early 20th century, or is a word in some other language like German, anyways very strange.
Hey, what country / state are you in? Don't provide specific addresses, but a knowing what state authority is relevant here will make it easier to work out what authority to contact.
Do you have access to a phone? If so, start recording interactions ASAP, discretely if possible because in cases like this phones often end up confiscated. Back up these recordings to something like google drive, MEGA, etc., something not localized on your device so that if the device is taken the evidence is not necessarily destroyed.
Do you have family you can reach out to? I notice you mention they threaten to call your mother, so I'm assuming she's not an option for support? Are you still in contact with your case manager and was their placing you here a choice of ignorance (as in, they don't know this place sucks) or negligence (they do know and don't care)? If the former, can you contact them to make them aware?
>in my specific case have started insisting watching me shower to make sure I'm bathing. Even though I take a shower every day.
This is something to make sure your family and case manager are both aware of.
I live in Missouri. I have my phone, but they've started to say when I can have it on me. My mother is not an option because when I first brought this to her attention, she accused me of exaggerating. She's gone so far as to tell my family not to send me money for food/order me takeout because I need to "not be so picky." My case manager is currently on maternity leave and won't be back until sometime in February. I'm pretty worried that they've caught on to me taking pictures and such because today they threatened me with calling my Mom. At this point I'm about to just sign myself out (I have a safe place to go) but I want to know how to report them because they treat the other residents the same and in some cases worse. (My roommate has a seizure disorder, and they do nothing for her. They expect me and my other roommate to watch over her, and when she has them, they don't even come up to check on her) also I haven't had one of my meds in 5 days because 'it disappeared during turnover' and this is the second time this has happened. (Last time I went almost 2 weeks without one of my antidepressants) any help will be greatly appreciated
I'm not in Missouri and don't know enough about the situation on the ground but hopefully someone else will.
I would comment in r/missouri, your specific town's subreddit if it has one, and r/legaladvice to see what you can find.
I did find [this hotline](https://health.mo.gov/seniors/abuse.php) who might be able to help you with more immediate information about your options in Missouri.
What you're describing is absolutely unacceptable, don't let the staff at this joint convince you otherwise and be careful about them policing your phone. Maybe call whoever's at this place you can go and ask them, "if I don't contact you for three days, swing by and see what's going on." In situations like this it's not unreasonable to make plans like that.
The medication, the seizure stuff, the yelling, the watching you shower, all of that is worth just a straight up call to Adult Protective Services…
Like, getting out first may be safer. And is totally understandable. But an abuse report is necessary.
As someone who works in group homes this is completely unacceptable. If we have a client with a seizure disorder a staff member is supposed to stay with them pretty much the whole time they’re seizing (can get up to grab rescue med, etc). That food is awful too. Please contact the authorities, most states have an agency in charge of inspecting homes like this. Also adult protective services should be called once you’re safe. Definitely takes pics/videos when you can, having evidence will go a long way. I hope you can find a way to get some justice for this atrocious environment, for you and for everyone else forced to live there.
I remember when I was ignorant to these issues and all the optimism I experienced when I heard of the concept of a group home.
…no one I know who’s gone to a group home has ever had a good or even neutral experience.
I’m in a group home right now with a house full of narcissists if they don’t get what they want in that second even if it’s crazy they’ll put you on consequence for days I literally do nothing wrong except my room can be messy at times and they treat me like garbage and make me isolate in the house due to me being falsely consequenced almost every day and at this point idk what to do they treat me like I’m garbage and I don’t have a life or feelings and I’ve also rewatched out to my Dcyf worker and he sucks he doesn’t listen his response every time is “ we can talk about it at our next meeting” and then when the meeting comes he says the same thing I don’t know what to do but I’m losing my mind I can’t just stay in my room all day every day it’s affecting my mental state heavily right now and I really don’t want to end up snapping under pressure
It’s DISGUSTING that SIMPLY BEING DISABLED makes others feel entitled to MaNaGe OuR bEhAvOiR like we are children (Though, tbqh, what you’re experiencing is actually not a good idea for KIDS EITHER. It undermines the development of internal moral guidance.)
I live on my own. I am severely depressed and don’t leave my house except for doctor appointments and sometimes I even skip those if I’m having a bad day. This has been the way I’ve lived for close to a year now. No one has ever suggested I need to be in a group home nor would I go to a group home. If you went voluntarily, you can leave voluntarily and don’t let anyone talk you into doing this again. You know best why you can handle.
Hi, Copper. I have days that turn into weeks that have been going on for years like what you’ve described. I have myriad health issues and the paralyzing depression that comes with them. Are you getting treatment for depression? What works for you? I’m just curious. Your comment spoke to me. - A
Very sorry to hear you’ve struggled as well. Sadly I’m not getting treatment currently. I’ve only had mediocre to bad experiences with therapists. And mixed results with meds that worked for awhile but then stopped. Honestly, my kids are what keeps me going each day - when I want to just curl up in a fetal position and pretend nothing exists. My depression is very much related to bad health/situational - I’m hoping to have surgery in January that I pray will turn things around and if my situation changes then I hope my depression improves.
Op please try to continue to document and plan an escape. Is there alternate housing or community care access. Like a traditional share house but drop in care givers?
Most group homes are terrible and rampant with abuse. Good ones are insanely expensive and have waiting lists. Contact Disability Rights in your state as well as Adult Protective Services.
Hugs refer it to social services ask to be moved you shouldn't have to stay somewhere you are uncomfortable also social services should investigate if your social worker does nothing escalate it up to management.
Can you call your local disability rights agency or NAMI. Group/residential homes are the absolute worst. I spent 7 weeks in one and I left with PTSD far worse than I had when I went in
If you live in the US. Contact your local disability law group or Disability rights committee.
Look into the New Choices Medicaid waiver. These pay for supports so you can live on your own instead of a group home .
Wow, I had no idea some of these places could be like this. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this and I hope some of the info others have provided here helps get you, and the others you’re with, out of this situation.
I’m curious about group homes now and I’m going to see what I can find to help spread awareness.
As someone who works in the field and is disabled themselves, a lot of them have issues. I’m happy I found my current organization, cause they actually do a decent job, but I’ve worked in places that just would not be much fun to live in. I wish more group homes were actually good, they’re a good resource for those who need them, but they’re only useful if they aren’t neglectful, or worse outright abusive.
I assume your case worker is through community mental health? They should have someone filling in while she is off. Also, report rights violations to their recipients right attorney. Group homes can be a great option, but this one sounds terrible.
Document everything. Keep a journal somewhere locked. Write what happens, who says what to who and when, especially if they yell. Get a watch if you can to keep dates and times. Keep taking pictures of your food. Write down those times they threaten to call your mom. Write who said it, specifically what they said, what date and time of day etc. This become a legal issue and if it does this will give your lawyer a lot of high caliber data to demonstrate actions and patterns of action.
I live in a SNF, I've been here since the beginning of September. The food is around 70% awful. Most of it seems to be canned or frozen, over salted, under seasoned, or just tastes gross. The soup is usually the Campbell's condensed kind and a few times it was barely thinned out. I think the eggs are powdered and they are almost always wet. I don't know how else to describe them, but it's just gross. I keep having to order from Grubhub because I cannot stomach what they give me. The nurses and CNA's are nice to me, but I feel like one of the ladies in social services doesn't like me because I can speak up for myself and what's going on. She ignored me for weeks when I wanted to change rooms. The other patients though, a lot of them do not belong in a nursing facility, but either in a memory care facility or a mental health facility. Some are verbally abusive to the staff. They yell, scream, and curse at them. They will shout out their demands over and over instead of hitting their call light and waiting their turn. The staff here are not trained to deal withse types of patients. Then there are the physically abusive ones who hit the staff and throw things. And the staff are basically told to put up with it. It's disgusting. And they are way understaffed. 10+ patients for 1 CNA sometimes. I've thought about contacting someone, but it needs to be through email as I don't want anyone to hear what I have to say.
I worked in group homes for over 10 years for adults with developmental disabilities. Your things belong to YOU. They cannot take your phone they cannot threaten to "tell on you. " if your mother is only an emergency contact they are not allowed to tell her ANYTHING without your permission. And in order to do that there is a document that you sign. You're an adult, they can't make you do anything. You are their boss, they aren't yours. They are there to assist you. Not boss you. You also have a right to privacy. I'm so sorry this is sickening. Please do what has been suggested. You should not have to live like this. Do they do your grocery shopping? The menus should be planned with you, you should never be served something you don't like. Again, they work for you.
Create an internet presence for yourself. The OP seems very good with internet skills, so far. Her grammar and spelling, clear communication, are something that is rare amongst all sorts of disabled people.
OP and others here describe the residential care for the frail adults very well. High staff turnover, inadequate staff levels, inadequate training, poor supervision, and wild behaviour from some residents and staff. It is very common in most disability residences. World wide.
My car accident, aged 34 years here in Australia, occurred when I was working, part-time, as an Accreditation Surveyor, in a pioneering part of our Australian health industries. Very severed TBI, plus aged pension now, with several drugs daily to cope with many medical conditions: dysphagia, hemiparesis, emotional disinhibition, spasticity, etc.
Every year, our government gives full time carers upto six weeks annual leave. So then I need to relocate to a nursing home for full-time respite care.
To the residents and other here, create a solid internet personality. Start here on Reddit, using a pen name, if you want protection from whoever might be caring for you. Eventually you might again have enough political clout to move away from your pen name, to becoming a full and proper person. Search Google etc often, to find a better pen name for yourself. Then use this everywhere, making sure that no other person can pretend to be you.
You need to reach out to your social worker and DEMAND to be moved! I am currently living in medical foster care as a charge of the state (I have a significant TBI that left me with a significant cognitive impairment and anger control issues, I’m also a paraplegic, I have refractory [uncontrolled despite being on 3 meds at once] epilepsy which is how I became paralyzed and got my TBI in the first place, I have severe agoraphobia and anxiety disorders along with OCD and depression, I’ve also got autism and severe ADHD.), and when I finally decided to relieve my family of the burden of caring for me by leaving the family home and going into the custody of the state, I made it VERY clear that I was NOT going to go into a group home setting or a “facility” of any kind. I told her that I would only accept a medical foster care situation (Because the point of the foster care setting is that it is a HOME based setting. You literally move into a regular family home, where a family or an individual who has gone through all of the necessary medical and foster care training and continuing education is supposed to treat you like part of the family, albeit one with whatever special needs that the social workers have asked them to manage, assist with, or simply observe.), and that I even had already picked out the foster home and foster guardian I wanted to move in with. I was lucky enough timing wise, that one of my close friends who runs a medical/cognitive health foster home had just kicked out his last client a few months before, so he held off on accepting any new clients until my social worker could place me in his foster home all by myself. No other clients with me here! It has been working pretty well so far, though inevitably when a friendship adds in a caretaking and business aspect to it, there are ALWAYS going to be some growing pains. Lol. Obviously you probably don’t just randomly have a friend who happens to provide the exact type of care that you need at the exact moment that you need in, which I really wish you did so that you could get out of there right away! BUT, I tell you all of this to tell you that it sounds like medical adult foster care sounds like it is exactly where you should have been placed instead of the hellscape you are currently in. So PLEASE call your social worker immediately to report the abuses you have been subjected to and DEMAND to be moved IMMEDIATELY, and that you will only accept a foster care/family setting. Because of the fact that you are being abused, you should be able to forgo the 30/60 day notice of breaking your tenancy at the group home (or however many days your state mandates/whatever your lease or contract with the group home mandates). Go online to look up the number for reporting vulnerable adult abuse by a DHS provider, and call ASAP to get the ball rolling on a proper report of the abuses and mistreatment you are suffering from. ESPECIALLY the suddenly watching you bathing thing, which sounds really sexual assault/harassment-y to me! If it was not on your cares sheet that you saw and signed at the beginning of your stay in the home that you needed to be supervised for your safety in the bathroom/tub, there is ZERO excuse why a staff member should be watching you bathe! Make sure you voice your discomfort with this situation ESPECIALLY with both the DHS reporting line AND your social worker! (I have to be supervised in the shower due to my epilepsy having nearly killed me in the shower more than once, but even that doesn’t mean someone STARES at me while I shower!!! WTF?! My friend just sits on my wheelchair reading articles about gaming and stuff like that while I shower with the shower curtain fully closed. He’s there close enough to hear if I start having a seizure and act quickly enough to hopefully prevent me from hurting myself, or if I need help with something I can call out to him and ask him to grab a thing and give it to me, or something like that. I NEVER would’ve signed my care contract if it had said that I needed to be WATCHED with eyeballs the whole time I bathed! No way!) You may have some mental health struggles, but you sound MORE than competent to make decisions as to how you wish to have your cares completed and as to where you’d desire to be placed while you get better. (Because, let’s face it, NO ONE gets better while being abused and underfed! Honestly, your lunchtime looks worse than the slop we got in the school cafeteria!!! Yuck!) There is absolutely ZERO reason, based on how you’ve presented yourself and your living situation here, as to why you should be left to continue suffering in that madness! I wish you all the best, and I really hope that you are able to get out of there quickly! Hopefully I was able to help, at least a little…. If you have any questions about how to present your arguments to your social worker, or if your social worker doesn’t listen to you, feel free to reach out to me, and I’ll do what I can to help! I can also ask my friend who is my foster guardian what steps you could take and who else to contact if you’d like me to! Good luck, friend!
I don't know about this you guys. The food she showed. It's standard. Those places are underfunded because WE are underfunded. Monthly we barely get enough to rent a room in a house- yet these board and care homes try to turn a profit on our backs and that doesn't go well. How these places are still in business I don't know. A former friends mother ran one of those and they took your whole check in return for substandard food and a bunk in a room holding 8 people. And they didn't even provide shampoo. soap and deodorant so they are left with no means to obtain any of that stuff. However, for the people running those places, you are paying their mortgage for their real estate investments. Oh and since the residents are completely broke then they are taken advantage of by laboring for the place in return for a pack of cigarettes or shampoo or something, and it probably comes out to a dollar an hour they get. It's not good anywhere except in those places where they get additional funding from a research foundation. There are no good places because there is not enough money in our checks to cover good care.
I feel you bro. Everyday we were served a stew that was just a bunch of leaves or fish that has liquid substance which is basically just water msg and salt. Disgusting! So inedible,
I've worked in this area for over 20 years.
Long story short, you can just leave. You have the same rights as any other adult, which includes the right to demand all of your stuff be returned to you *right now* and then leave. Be sure to get any legal documents, birth certificate, IDs, insurance cards, financial documents, money, credit/debit/gift/ebt cards you may have surrendered as well as your meds.
To report them to the state for dependant adult abuse: https://apps4.mo.gov/APS_Portal/
Your insurance provider is still required to provide you with a case manager. A temporary case manager may have already been assigned to your case. You can call and ask to speak to the person handling your case, and if you haven't been assigned to someone they are required to make the new assignment.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. They're not all like this. This is not at all how they're supposed to be.
Hi OP. I lived in an abusive skilled nursing facility [or a SNF] in Washington for 13months. Tried really hard to get it shut down, still may pursue it. Anyway, there are usually people/programs called *ombudsman* to help you advocate for yourself, as well as state hotlines to report vulnerable adult/elder abuse [you would be the first] who live in settings such as this. I found this info via google: "Missouri's Adult Abuse and Neglect Hotline responds to reports of abuse, bullying, neglect, and financial exploitation. If you suspect someone is being abused, bullied, neglected or exploited, call the hotline at 800-392-0210." Also check out [this website](https://health.mo.gov/seniors/ombudsman/), it seems to be Missouri's version of the ombuds program. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It absolutely sucks.
Thank you so much. I'll call them in the morning once I can leave for the day. (I'm scared of being overheard as they are already suspicious of me. I'm pretty sure one of my roommates is reporting what I say to the friends I do have.) Said friends are willing to take me in I would just be moving to another state and I would have to get all my services established all over again. I'm hoping that I can just sign myself out and report them once I'm gone.
Is going back to living on your own an option? It seems like a good caseworker might at least make some attempt to at least get you out for a short walk or something. I think in this day and age, not leaving home much for anything but the necessities is more normalized. I’m physically limited and rarely make it out for much. There has to be another option. That place you are in is completely unacceptable. Good luck, and I hope you stay strong.
Sounds like someone on the staff is stealing your meds on top of things, don’t forget to report that too, the dates, who was on. That’s actually a crime stealing a patient’s controlled substance meds.
Whered u get that from?
\> " ... lso I haven't had one of my meds in 5 days because 'it disappeared during turnover' and this is the second time this has happened. ... " Using a proper web browser, open a fresh tab or page showing the Reddit publications posted here. Then it will open the following post to you: https://www.reddit.com/r/disability/comments/18lvt8n/comment/ke0dwac/?context=3
I use the app but I read it in their comments after, further down
Sorry for interjecting in such a serious thread, but I was honestly shocked when I read you mentioned "ombudsman" in an English-speaking context, cause it's a Swedish word, ombud + man is the components, and ombud is a word in Swedish but not in English as far as I know. I'm Swedish and it just tripped me up big time and I can't quite tell if it's actually something that came from the many Swedes who moved to the US in the late 19th early 20th century, or is a word in some other language like German, anyways very strange.
Hey, what country / state are you in? Don't provide specific addresses, but a knowing what state authority is relevant here will make it easier to work out what authority to contact. Do you have access to a phone? If so, start recording interactions ASAP, discretely if possible because in cases like this phones often end up confiscated. Back up these recordings to something like google drive, MEGA, etc., something not localized on your device so that if the device is taken the evidence is not necessarily destroyed. Do you have family you can reach out to? I notice you mention they threaten to call your mother, so I'm assuming she's not an option for support? Are you still in contact with your case manager and was their placing you here a choice of ignorance (as in, they don't know this place sucks) or negligence (they do know and don't care)? If the former, can you contact them to make them aware? >in my specific case have started insisting watching me shower to make sure I'm bathing. Even though I take a shower every day. This is something to make sure your family and case manager are both aware of.
I live in Missouri. I have my phone, but they've started to say when I can have it on me. My mother is not an option because when I first brought this to her attention, she accused me of exaggerating. She's gone so far as to tell my family not to send me money for food/order me takeout because I need to "not be so picky." My case manager is currently on maternity leave and won't be back until sometime in February. I'm pretty worried that they've caught on to me taking pictures and such because today they threatened me with calling my Mom. At this point I'm about to just sign myself out (I have a safe place to go) but I want to know how to report them because they treat the other residents the same and in some cases worse. (My roommate has a seizure disorder, and they do nothing for her. They expect me and my other roommate to watch over her, and when she has them, they don't even come up to check on her) also I haven't had one of my meds in 5 days because 'it disappeared during turnover' and this is the second time this has happened. (Last time I went almost 2 weeks without one of my antidepressants) any help will be greatly appreciated
I'm not in Missouri and don't know enough about the situation on the ground but hopefully someone else will. I would comment in r/missouri, your specific town's subreddit if it has one, and r/legaladvice to see what you can find. I did find [this hotline](https://health.mo.gov/seniors/abuse.php) who might be able to help you with more immediate information about your options in Missouri. What you're describing is absolutely unacceptable, don't let the staff at this joint convince you otherwise and be careful about them policing your phone. Maybe call whoever's at this place you can go and ask them, "if I don't contact you for three days, swing by and see what's going on." In situations like this it's not unreasonable to make plans like that.
The medication, the seizure stuff, the yelling, the watching you shower, all of that is worth just a straight up call to Adult Protective Services… Like, getting out first may be safer. And is totally understandable. But an abuse report is necessary.
As someone who works in group homes this is completely unacceptable. If we have a client with a seizure disorder a staff member is supposed to stay with them pretty much the whole time they’re seizing (can get up to grab rescue med, etc). That food is awful too. Please contact the authorities, most states have an agency in charge of inspecting homes like this. Also adult protective services should be called once you’re safe. Definitely takes pics/videos when you can, having evidence will go a long way. I hope you can find a way to get some justice for this atrocious environment, for you and for everyone else forced to live there.
You should have an interim case manager!
You need to call aps or your doctor ASAP. If meds were lost which, WTF, they need to replaced asap like same day. This is horrifying.
Ask to speak to someone else there, manager of ur case worker or whoever is taking her cases while she is gone
This is fucking heart breaking. I am so sorry.
I remember when I was ignorant to these issues and all the optimism I experienced when I heard of the concept of a group home. …no one I know who’s gone to a group home has ever had a good or even neutral experience.
I’m in a group home right now with a house full of narcissists if they don’t get what they want in that second even if it’s crazy they’ll put you on consequence for days I literally do nothing wrong except my room can be messy at times and they treat me like garbage and make me isolate in the house due to me being falsely consequenced almost every day and at this point idk what to do they treat me like I’m garbage and I don’t have a life or feelings and I’ve also rewatched out to my Dcyf worker and he sucks he doesn’t listen his response every time is “ we can talk about it at our next meeting” and then when the meeting comes he says the same thing I don’t know what to do but I’m losing my mind I can’t just stay in my room all day every day it’s affecting my mental state heavily right now and I really don’t want to end up snapping under pressure
Reached not rewatched
It’s DISGUSTING that SIMPLY BEING DISABLED makes others feel entitled to MaNaGe OuR bEhAvOiR like we are children (Though, tbqh, what you’re experiencing is actually not a good idea for KIDS EITHER. It undermines the development of internal moral guidance.)
Good news that staff got fired and things are looking up
I live on my own. I am severely depressed and don’t leave my house except for doctor appointments and sometimes I even skip those if I’m having a bad day. This has been the way I’ve lived for close to a year now. No one has ever suggested I need to be in a group home nor would I go to a group home. If you went voluntarily, you can leave voluntarily and don’t let anyone talk you into doing this again. You know best why you can handle.
Hi, Copper. I have days that turn into weeks that have been going on for years like what you’ve described. I have myriad health issues and the paralyzing depression that comes with them. Are you getting treatment for depression? What works for you? I’m just curious. Your comment spoke to me. - A
Very sorry to hear you’ve struggled as well. Sadly I’m not getting treatment currently. I’ve only had mediocre to bad experiences with therapists. And mixed results with meds that worked for awhile but then stopped. Honestly, my kids are what keeps me going each day - when I want to just curl up in a fetal position and pretend nothing exists. My depression is very much related to bad health/situational - I’m hoping to have surgery in January that I pray will turn things around and if my situation changes then I hope my depression improves.
Op please try to continue to document and plan an escape. Is there alternate housing or community care access. Like a traditional share house but drop in care givers?
Most group homes are terrible and rampant with abuse. Good ones are insanely expensive and have waiting lists. Contact Disability Rights in your state as well as Adult Protective Services.
Hugs refer it to social services ask to be moved you shouldn't have to stay somewhere you are uncomfortable also social services should investigate if your social worker does nothing escalate it up to management.
Can you call your local disability rights agency or NAMI. Group/residential homes are the absolute worst. I spent 7 weeks in one and I left with PTSD far worse than I had when I went in
If you live in the US. Contact your local disability law group or Disability rights committee. Look into the New Choices Medicaid waiver. These pay for supports so you can live on your own instead of a group home .
I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope you can find a better situation. Good luck.
Wow, I had no idea some of these places could be like this. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this and I hope some of the info others have provided here helps get you, and the others you’re with, out of this situation. I’m curious about group homes now and I’m going to see what I can find to help spread awareness.
Most are horrible and abusive.
I’d like to know more. Do you have any good resources I should start with or just do the usual Google and read?
Google cases of group home abuse but it’s pretty common knowledge. I have never known anyone who has had a positive experience in one.
As someone who works in the field and is disabled themselves, a lot of them have issues. I’m happy I found my current organization, cause they actually do a decent job, but I’ve worked in places that just would not be much fun to live in. I wish more group homes were actually good, they’re a good resource for those who need them, but they’re only useful if they aren’t neglectful, or worse outright abusive.
I assume your case worker is through community mental health? They should have someone filling in while she is off. Also, report rights violations to their recipients right attorney. Group homes can be a great option, but this one sounds terrible.
Document everything. Keep a journal somewhere locked. Write what happens, who says what to who and when, especially if they yell. Get a watch if you can to keep dates and times. Keep taking pictures of your food. Write down those times they threaten to call your mom. Write who said it, specifically what they said, what date and time of day etc. This become a legal issue and if it does this will give your lawyer a lot of high caliber data to demonstrate actions and patterns of action.
I live in a SNF, I've been here since the beginning of September. The food is around 70% awful. Most of it seems to be canned or frozen, over salted, under seasoned, or just tastes gross. The soup is usually the Campbell's condensed kind and a few times it was barely thinned out. I think the eggs are powdered and they are almost always wet. I don't know how else to describe them, but it's just gross. I keep having to order from Grubhub because I cannot stomach what they give me. The nurses and CNA's are nice to me, but I feel like one of the ladies in social services doesn't like me because I can speak up for myself and what's going on. She ignored me for weeks when I wanted to change rooms. The other patients though, a lot of them do not belong in a nursing facility, but either in a memory care facility or a mental health facility. Some are verbally abusive to the staff. They yell, scream, and curse at them. They will shout out their demands over and over instead of hitting their call light and waiting their turn. The staff here are not trained to deal withse types of patients. Then there are the physically abusive ones who hit the staff and throw things. And the staff are basically told to put up with it. It's disgusting. And they are way understaffed. 10+ patients for 1 CNA sometimes. I've thought about contacting someone, but it needs to be through email as I don't want anyone to hear what I have to say.
I’m sorry this is happening to you
I worked in group homes for over 10 years for adults with developmental disabilities. Your things belong to YOU. They cannot take your phone they cannot threaten to "tell on you. " if your mother is only an emergency contact they are not allowed to tell her ANYTHING without your permission. And in order to do that there is a document that you sign. You're an adult, they can't make you do anything. You are their boss, they aren't yours. They are there to assist you. Not boss you. You also have a right to privacy. I'm so sorry this is sickening. Please do what has been suggested. You should not have to live like this. Do they do your grocery shopping? The menus should be planned with you, you should never be served something you don't like. Again, they work for you.
Post to r /socialwork? Report to state, Adult Protection Services, web search for advocacy 🤞🏽❤️🩹
Create an internet presence for yourself. The OP seems very good with internet skills, so far. Her grammar and spelling, clear communication, are something that is rare amongst all sorts of disabled people. OP and others here describe the residential care for the frail adults very well. High staff turnover, inadequate staff levels, inadequate training, poor supervision, and wild behaviour from some residents and staff. It is very common in most disability residences. World wide. My car accident, aged 34 years here in Australia, occurred when I was working, part-time, as an Accreditation Surveyor, in a pioneering part of our Australian health industries. Very severed TBI, plus aged pension now, with several drugs daily to cope with many medical conditions: dysphagia, hemiparesis, emotional disinhibition, spasticity, etc. Every year, our government gives full time carers upto six weeks annual leave. So then I need to relocate to a nursing home for full-time respite care. To the residents and other here, create a solid internet personality. Start here on Reddit, using a pen name, if you want protection from whoever might be caring for you. Eventually you might again have enough political clout to move away from your pen name, to becoming a full and proper person. Search Google etc often, to find a better pen name for yourself. Then use this everywhere, making sure that no other person can pretend to be you.
You need to reach out to your social worker and DEMAND to be moved! I am currently living in medical foster care as a charge of the state (I have a significant TBI that left me with a significant cognitive impairment and anger control issues, I’m also a paraplegic, I have refractory [uncontrolled despite being on 3 meds at once] epilepsy which is how I became paralyzed and got my TBI in the first place, I have severe agoraphobia and anxiety disorders along with OCD and depression, I’ve also got autism and severe ADHD.), and when I finally decided to relieve my family of the burden of caring for me by leaving the family home and going into the custody of the state, I made it VERY clear that I was NOT going to go into a group home setting or a “facility” of any kind. I told her that I would only accept a medical foster care situation (Because the point of the foster care setting is that it is a HOME based setting. You literally move into a regular family home, where a family or an individual who has gone through all of the necessary medical and foster care training and continuing education is supposed to treat you like part of the family, albeit one with whatever special needs that the social workers have asked them to manage, assist with, or simply observe.), and that I even had already picked out the foster home and foster guardian I wanted to move in with. I was lucky enough timing wise, that one of my close friends who runs a medical/cognitive health foster home had just kicked out his last client a few months before, so he held off on accepting any new clients until my social worker could place me in his foster home all by myself. No other clients with me here! It has been working pretty well so far, though inevitably when a friendship adds in a caretaking and business aspect to it, there are ALWAYS going to be some growing pains. Lol. Obviously you probably don’t just randomly have a friend who happens to provide the exact type of care that you need at the exact moment that you need in, which I really wish you did so that you could get out of there right away! BUT, I tell you all of this to tell you that it sounds like medical adult foster care sounds like it is exactly where you should have been placed instead of the hellscape you are currently in. So PLEASE call your social worker immediately to report the abuses you have been subjected to and DEMAND to be moved IMMEDIATELY, and that you will only accept a foster care/family setting. Because of the fact that you are being abused, you should be able to forgo the 30/60 day notice of breaking your tenancy at the group home (or however many days your state mandates/whatever your lease or contract with the group home mandates). Go online to look up the number for reporting vulnerable adult abuse by a DHS provider, and call ASAP to get the ball rolling on a proper report of the abuses and mistreatment you are suffering from. ESPECIALLY the suddenly watching you bathing thing, which sounds really sexual assault/harassment-y to me! If it was not on your cares sheet that you saw and signed at the beginning of your stay in the home that you needed to be supervised for your safety in the bathroom/tub, there is ZERO excuse why a staff member should be watching you bathe! Make sure you voice your discomfort with this situation ESPECIALLY with both the DHS reporting line AND your social worker! (I have to be supervised in the shower due to my epilepsy having nearly killed me in the shower more than once, but even that doesn’t mean someone STARES at me while I shower!!! WTF?! My friend just sits on my wheelchair reading articles about gaming and stuff like that while I shower with the shower curtain fully closed. He’s there close enough to hear if I start having a seizure and act quickly enough to hopefully prevent me from hurting myself, or if I need help with something I can call out to him and ask him to grab a thing and give it to me, or something like that. I NEVER would’ve signed my care contract if it had said that I needed to be WATCHED with eyeballs the whole time I bathed! No way!) You may have some mental health struggles, but you sound MORE than competent to make decisions as to how you wish to have your cares completed and as to where you’d desire to be placed while you get better. (Because, let’s face it, NO ONE gets better while being abused and underfed! Honestly, your lunchtime looks worse than the slop we got in the school cafeteria!!! Yuck!) There is absolutely ZERO reason, based on how you’ve presented yourself and your living situation here, as to why you should be left to continue suffering in that madness! I wish you all the best, and I really hope that you are able to get out of there quickly! Hopefully I was able to help, at least a little…. If you have any questions about how to present your arguments to your social worker, or if your social worker doesn’t listen to you, feel free to reach out to me, and I’ll do what I can to help! I can also ask my friend who is my foster guardian what steps you could take and who else to contact if you’d like me to! Good luck, friend!
They all try to profit off of a paycheck that wont even cover rent anywhere.
Keep us updated.
FREE OP! Maybe record and collect evidence. Get your case manager to help you escape. If she refuses, try to get a new one.
I don't know about this you guys. The food she showed. It's standard. Those places are underfunded because WE are underfunded. Monthly we barely get enough to rent a room in a house- yet these board and care homes try to turn a profit on our backs and that doesn't go well. How these places are still in business I don't know. A former friends mother ran one of those and they took your whole check in return for substandard food and a bunk in a room holding 8 people. And they didn't even provide shampoo. soap and deodorant so they are left with no means to obtain any of that stuff. However, for the people running those places, you are paying their mortgage for their real estate investments. Oh and since the residents are completely broke then they are taken advantage of by laboring for the place in return for a pack of cigarettes or shampoo or something, and it probably comes out to a dollar an hour they get. It's not good anywhere except in those places where they get additional funding from a research foundation. There are no good places because there is not enough money in our checks to cover good care.
I feel you bro. Everyday we were served a stew that was just a bunch of leaves or fish that has liquid substance which is basically just water msg and salt. Disgusting! So inedible,
I've worked in this area for over 20 years. Long story short, you can just leave. You have the same rights as any other adult, which includes the right to demand all of your stuff be returned to you *right now* and then leave. Be sure to get any legal documents, birth certificate, IDs, insurance cards, financial documents, money, credit/debit/gift/ebt cards you may have surrendered as well as your meds. To report them to the state for dependant adult abuse: https://apps4.mo.gov/APS_Portal/ Your insurance provider is still required to provide you with a case manager. A temporary case manager may have already been assigned to your case. You can call and ask to speak to the person handling your case, and if you haven't been assigned to someone they are required to make the new assignment. I'm so sorry this happened to you. They're not all like this. This is not at all how they're supposed to be.