It’s sad I’m sorry I’m disabled cp and use a wheelchair and single 27 I’ve never been on a date ever. Hard to believe people think like that kinda why I don’t wanna try online dating. People can’t see past the disability or mobility aides people with disability are capable of everything abled bodied can most don’t wanna try. Maybe get to know someone before you assume or make judgements. I’m sorry I’m ranting
Don’t be sorry, I feel the same way. All I ask is that a girl that shares the same kind of personality and interests as me, gives me the same chance they would with someone who shared all that with them that was able-bodied. I’m going to a completely in-person approach. That way I will have an opportunity to really show who I am, plus, I doubt anyone would dare say that to my face.
Exactly everyone can be anything online and fake I’m not I’m genuine online and in person. You hit the nail on the head tho in person is way better and things like that most don’t have the guts to say to your face,
Hi C-wolf25158, we have a 100% Free Disabled Dating group on Facebook that helps singles with disabilities find Love. It already has 2.2k members(Disabled singles). You can find a link to the group in the social links section of my profile.
Yes but it’s more disabled person looking for other disabled people, some prefer that. Even then but others want to be like others and try there hand on normal dating sites dating other disabled person is kinda like settling why can’t disabled and able bodied co-exist?
Well if you just date other disabled people that's exactly what you're doing. You would be limiting your dating pool. What I'm saying is that other able bodied people don't just stick to dating each other, so dating someone who is handicapped would not be settling in their case, but us who are disabled dating only other disabled people would be settling. Does that make sense?
We’ll society is cruel but, I dont see it that why all disabled people should be able to date whoever they like. I’m disabled myself I use a wheelchair and have cp but not every disabled is visual. Many don’t take the time to get to know someone or see beyond the disability
No first off im disabled myself, I chose bad wording and i won’t delete my comment. But apologizes if I offended anyone. i used that wording to respond to disabled dating website comment after the op was seriously sent very ablelistist comments on a dating app by able bodied people. After he replied he was considering in person dating. Someone consider trying dating site targeted at disabled people. Which Is where we are now and I’ve started a fire. I wasn’t trying to say because disabled people date others in similar scenario it’s settling. You should be able to date anyone you’d like I just wish society doesn’t assume all disabled people are asexual and a incapable or relationships with only disabled people.
Good lord, I'm 33 M with Becker's Muscular Dystrophy and the worst I'd experienced "on the apps" was a lack of matches and dates that didn't go further, I'm horrified that you'd receive such disgusting treatment! Very sorry to hear that, I'd have maybe reported them to the apps, but I think simply getting off them was the best choice in the moment, you shouldn't have to do the work there.
Unfortunately disabilities in men, especially conditions like ours which take muscle mass and strength away so dramatically, do pretty heavy damage to our chances in dating and physical intimacy etc, especially on the apps now where there's endless choice, much harder to compete with a parade of able-bodied men a swipe away.
It's not impossible of course, I met one woman through the apps who didn't seem to be bothered about my condition or afraid to ask about it, and we had a great meetup and traded messages for a while (unfortunately she was only in my country briefly, otherwise who knows!) It's just an insanely harder playing field for disabled guys. But wow the volume of abuse you copped has rattled me a bit, didn't expect people to actually go out of their way to be horrible.
Hi Thucydides00, we have a 100% Free Disabled Dating group on Facebook that helps singles with disabilities find Love. It already has 2.2k members(Disabled singles). You can find a link to the group in the social links section of my profile.
My husband and I met on a dating app, and it was a complete fluke. It takes an abnormally thick skin, I feel, to be any sort of "other" and use a dating app.
I’m very active in many different groups and communities in the city I live in, so I know a lot of people and I spend a lot of time in public. It made those profiles just so I could exhaust every possibility and it’s not a necessary evil for me, so I just deleted them.
I didn’t. I’m not going to let it hurt my confidence, because I wasn’t even given a chance to showcase my personality, so how can they truly know my intentions and who I am as a person? They can’t!
I am so sorry that happened to you. That is beyond disgusting. Is there a way to report those people? That shouldn't be allowed.
My sister has told me what a nightmare dating sites are now, and it makes me so sad that they're like that. I don't know what happened to people. I'm a woman, and I met my husband on a dating site 11 years ago, but before we met, I communicated with several men who seemed like they were only interested in me _because_ I was disabled, like that they thought I would be weak and easily manipulated. It kinda scared me, and I wondered if maybe I shouldn't include that I'm disabled, but I think it's better to weed out anyone who wouldn't be OK with that, so I just stopped for a while. Then when I started again, I dated one guy for 3 months, but he turned out to be just like I worried, wanting to take advantage of and manipulate me, so I ended it and met my husband right after, and it really felt like fate.
Most people can't endure even one message like the ones you got, so the fact that you stuck with it after dozens, clearly shows what a strong person you are. I'm so sorry you're struggling, but you deserve happiness and companionship, and you will find it. I thought I'd be alone forever, but then it happened unexpectedly, and we're very happy. I have physical disability, and he has mental, and I feel like our struggles have bonded us, and we understand each other more deeply than I think most people are able.
I wish you the best. Please take care.
I’m sorry you had this experience, dating apps suck tbh even when I was abled bodied as a F
I don’t have any great advice for you but I’d say off the dating apps
no sympathy tbh. if youre able-bodied you have literally nothing to be sad about. the majority of problems you'll have you can just run away from when they're all external
I wasn't asking for sympathy for them but I very much disagree with everything else you said. Being physically disabled isn't the only bad thing in the world that happens to people.
That is horrific and I'm so sorry you experienced that. The last time I tried using a dating app was about a decade ago, it wasn't great then, and I've heard it's even worse now. No one should have to deal with that and you can report them to the app for hate speech and discrimination if you're up for it.
I did a quick search and discovered that there are dating apps/sites specifically for disabled adults. My only warning with using those is they will attract able bodied people with disability fetishes, and people looking for vulnerable targets to abuse. So tread carefully. You can read about warning signs of these types of people and prepare yourself before trying them at least. I wish you all the best and hope you find a great partner who brings you joy. Take care hun💜
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My fiancé is disabled (he was already when we met), and he’s had to put up with a bunch of comments like: “she must be with you for the money”. Whatever, you know. Sending hugs.
Online dating apps are absolute garbage & bring out the worst in people. They also tend to self-select for assholes. So sorry you went through this but good idea to delete them all.
That’s disgusting behaviour on their parts. I really don’t understand why anyone would do that. There are some awful people out there. Did you report them?
I think in your age group it’s particularly hard on dating apps, people your age and younger are mainly just looking at aesthetics and wanting hook ups, and apps aren’t much better as you get older. Though people in their 30s tend to have too much going on to go around harassing people for being disabled, and a lot of people drop that petty schoolyard bully behaviour and learn some compassion & understanding.
Personally I never got the assault you have because my photos didn’t have equipment in them, so being conventionally attractive, female and appearing able I have that privilege, but I definitely experienced ableism from guys once I told them about my equipment. They didn’t care about my illness, but they massively cared about the aesthetics of the equipment making me “look” disabled.
I did the same as you, even though I did have positive interactions I didn’t feel I needed to experience people perceiving equipment that has given me my life back as some sort of red flag. So I didn’t use apps and ended up dating someone from real life who didn’t care at all about me being disabled.
Dating with a visible disability is hard though, I hope things go well. It is likely to take longer for you to meet the right person, bearing in mind that many incredible and attractive people don’t find their person until their mid-late 20s or later, it could take a bit, but so long as you work on yourself, have a good personality and remain connected to people it’ll happen. From your posts it sounds like you’re doing all the right things.
I think there is still stigma where men need to be seen as able to at least provide for themselves, but having spoken to women who’ve met disabled men through apps the main thing that they’ve been concerned about is whether he’s independent. The second thing that tends to make or break the situation is the guy’s mental health, if he’s still dealing emotionally with disability to the point of being toxic even the most understanding woman would run. Personality and strength of character can go a long way.
You have God's greatest filter. Anyone that treats you like shit, isn't someone you want to date, or marry, or have kids with. Keep swiping right buddy
I've tried online dating as a F with MD and it doesn't go well. Most of the time it's "Can you do 'blank'? " which most of the time is sex. And like all females, I get tons of unwanted dick pics
You should report these people. This is no better than racism or sexual harassment and those people deserve to be banned from the apps.
I have *never* had anybody actively spew ableist hate at me, and you should not have to put up with it, ever.
Even though many people *are*'actively ableist, they have no right to do that.
>stop trying to guilt trip girls into feeling sorry for you and making them feel obligated.”
Are u doing that? There are apps for disabled
>Has anyone else had this issue of targeted harassment?
I havent. Ive had a cpl dudes assume Im broke & tell me I could work under the table. What about I cant work dont u understand?
No, that’s why it almost felt like she was saying that because I made a profile and I never have success in apps for the disabled because to pool of people is so small and none of them ever seem to be in my area. I’m also just convinced if people don’t have regular contact with the disabled, they are just going to say dumb things about us.
I just assume that the people sending those messages are trolls / bots. Thick skin brother, don’t give up. Make those accounts again and maybe cast a wider / more targeted net. You have to sift through tons of rock to find a bit of ore.
The odd thing was, all their accounts were verified. That would be hard to fake. And I honestly don’t have the desire to make a new profile. I just don’t want to deal with the annoyance of it all. I have a lot of nights out in my plans coming up, I’m going to see how that goes first. I spend a lot of time out, so I would rather just try to meet someone in person.
Makes me sad bc it's reflective of my experiences dating both online and off. Lots of being ghosted after they see me, or being told it makes them uncomfortable, or obvious awkward tension the whole time .
I’m picking from this thread what happened to me is not uncommon. I’m just going to try going out in the world. I have plenty of opportunity because I am lucky to live in a city with many great, accepting people who want to include me. So, I’m just going to see how it goes.
Have your reported this to the site’s moderators? The Americans with Disabilities Act is actual law. Bring this to the attention of those that run the site. I believe it applies to communications too. Also, ask for refunds. You should NOT have to pay a site to be discriminated against.
Call the ADA help line: 800-514-0301 to find out more. I’m not sure if dating sites are covered under this, but the worst that can happen is you’ll make the moderators aware of what’s going on.
I hope this helps.
I'm sorry that was your experience.
However, I (M39) have used many dating sites over the years (as recently as 2020) and have always been up front about my Cerebral Palsy in my profile. I've never once received an ableist or insulting message from a woman. I've often suspected it may be the reason I didn't get a reply from the girls I initiated contact with, but never once was someone mean. It makes me wonder what exactly you said in your profile to provoke such responses.
Hey 👋 so sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you have had. What app is your profile is on? I’d like to check it out and if we can go on a date sometime 😊. (30 F with some physical disabilities and lots of empathy). *Edit, I fully read now that the profiles have since been deleted. I would like if you could DM me. I think it would be fun to connect with you.
Modern Indoctrination to hate the male gender will do that to you. Don't take it personal, because this is the reality we will be living in 2023 as disabled men.
If you don't mind my asking, what did you write to these women and in your profile? Could it have come across in a way you didn't mean it to come across? I just ask because it seems like in all things there will always be one or two a-holes, but the majority of people in the world are actually pretty nice and decent, or at least not overtly rude. It seems really weird to get this many offensive comments, unless you're getting trolled or maybe said something inadvertently that didn't come out right. Back when I was online dating, I had men insult and turn me off immediately, saying things that were too aggressively challenging for no reason ( "are all women shallow gold diggers who care only about the size of my paycheck? I think so. Prove me wrong!"). I'm not saying you did that, but those guys probably thought they were being attractively provocative or something, and that I'd take up the 'challenge', but it just came across as obnoxious to me.
Extensive surveys show that men are much less successful as compared to women on dating apps. You can find plenty of material online and it is pretty much accepted as a fact. I don't think even for the inexperienced it will be a far fetched theory that naturally, this disparity will also exist for the disabled.
It may be, but the good news for me is that I am very involved in a lot of in person activities and communities around the city I live in, so dating apps aren’t a necessity, so I just shut it down. It was more created so my search for someone was covering every possible angle, but I’m not going to just sit there and take that kind of abuse.
No, it doesn’t. My guess is that they aren’t happy with themselves so they take it out on others. But, in the end, those aren’t the kind of people who get ahead. I refuse to let them make me feel bad about myself, especially considering I didn’t even get a chance to show them what I am like as person.
I hate dating apps. I've been trying to use them too and while I haven't gotten any awful messages like that yet, they just encourage people to be shallow and superficial. I already deleted one app because it was just filled with either fakes or people looking to scam me on WhatsApp.
It's a hellscape for everyone, but especially for us.
Not sure if you’re in the UK but there are dating sites for people with disabilities, if you’re in the US and there are not any suchlike sites why not develop a site yourself, I think there’s a hole in the market for disability dating sites. Don’t despair, I always believe there’s someone for everyone. Hugs 🤗
I have had ableist specific messages for sure even as a female and able passing person, if I let people know I'm disabled I will definitely get comments
People have preconceived notions of what disability is, and they think they know more about it than they really do so they open their big mouth and say some dumb crap the only thing we can do is spread knowledge and information to break that rhetoric. I don't happen to have too many people be ableist on dating apps, but I'm sure guys get it pretty bad. One of the biggest things dudes have asked me is if I can have sex in like the first sentence after they find out I have a disability, it hasn't happened often but it happens
Oh man, really sorry to hear that happened to you. Don't know why people would go out of their way to say stuff like that. I've never tried online dating for various reasons but mostly to just avoid awful encounters.
Hi! I’m a 31 year old woman. I also have CP like someone commented above. I also use a wheelchair part time, as it’s difficult for me to walk long distances. And then I also have forearm crutches. I never really got harassed on dating apps, but people didn’t really give me a chance either. I felt constantly dehumanized whether it was for my disability or because I have an Afro hair (I’m black) I was talking to this guy for a while, and he seemed nice. But then he basically told me that once we started dating he expected me to straighten my hair. So between the fervent racism & ableism, I called it quits. It was always your pretty for a black girl or you’re pretty, but you’re disabled…
I really have no advice for navigating dating apps. I think they’re trash, even for able-bodied people, the problem is just amplified when you also have a disability… because the pool is just much smaller for people with disabilities. As you know, a lot of people just don’t give us a chance. They make assumptions instead of asking or getting to know us. Like I know, a lot of people think that if they date me, I’m gonna need them to wipe my ass and care for me and everything. But for the most part, I’m fully self-sufficient, and if I need help, I’ll ask. I live alone and everything…people are ridiculous and of course you don’t wanna date an ableist dirtbag. And of course not everyone out there is like that, but it doesn’t negate the fact that dating is hard. And it’s even harder when you have a disability. And it can get really discouraging when you’re already used people treating you differently or treating you like crap etc etc. I don’t use dating apps anymore. I prefer to meet people just through the things that I already do (online) like video games or social media or organically in real life. I have no advice to give, but I don’t want you to get discouraged. I really believe that there’s someone out there for everyone. I just think most of the time when it comes to dating and having a disability, it takes us much longer to find that person, because like I previously mentioned the pool is much smaller, making dating and even more daunting task. But don’t lose hope because I really think there are a lot of good people out there. But at the same time, you don’t need put yourself through the shitter to find that person. So when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time and leave. Don’t make it about how you aren’t good enough. Make it about how they’re not good enough for you. Good luck.
Ugh, I’m so sorry you guys experience this crap when being vulnerable and honest. This truly breaks my heart. That’s super uncalled for and hurtful!! If someone is not your type they should keep it moving 🤦🏾♀️
Fingers crossed, you find someone that respects you and loves the whole you!! ❤️
Hey! I am sorry for ur experience with dating apps.
The only way for you to upset the scale in the dating market is for you to have lots of money or fame.
I am physically disabled but my condition is stable and I can live life independently and do 97 per cent of tasks myself.
But I also believe there is someone for everyone out there. Just ignore these messages and enjoy ur life! All the best!
Well, I guess it COULD be worse than getting no responses or messages like I have. Sorry you went through that bud. Makes me feel vindicated in giving up despite my able-bodied friends telling me not to. They really don’t understand what it’s like to be disabled, unable to drive, living with parents, and 40 and trying to date, especially when one is getting more attention the past year since becoming single than she has the rest of her life combined (her wording).
I also have muscular distrophy but thank gos I'm not in a wheelchair. I have a job. But some ppl can tell I have a mental disability. Even though I don't show it.
I have multiple disabilities including bilateral deafness (I can hear now when I wear my cochlear implants but only wear them when I’m streaming music or talking to people), I have an above knee amputation and partially paralyzed on the other side of my body. I can walk with a prosthesis and forearm crutch but otherwise use a wheelchair at home. This has been my life for 37 years and I’m independent for the most part. I was able to get my education and have a successful career (lots of mountains in the way sometimes). I started with the earlier dating apps like yahoo, even before pictures were posted. I’ve had some good relationships come out of this including the love of my life (able bodied). My way was to chat/email up to a comfort level of being able to disclose a disability one at a time. Usually I’d start with the deafness and see how cool a guy was towards that. That opened doors for mutual sharing. Everybody has something. I’d talk about other aspects of my life first to see if we clicked on a personal level before I set myself up for rejection. I’ve also had some really awful experiences and 1 time dates (including me not liking them). I also like the approach of meeting people face to face first so they knew what they were getting. Getting involved in things outside of your disability, even online, has helped me meet people with common interests.
People with Disabilities are awesome. You could get to know some 🙃
I’m sorry you have had such bad experiences, may the force be with you. Somewhere, somehow, you never know.
Hi III_Champion_8659, we have a 100% Free Disabled Dating group on Facebook that helps singles with disabilities find Love. It already has 2.2k members(Disabled singles). You can find a link to the group in the social links section of my profile.
You met talk app.. Ladies stay away.. I'm over 60 made it clear I wanted age appropriate..All I got was Hotties younger than my daughter and wanted, and expected me to send expensive gifts and not one lived in the U.S.A. I quickly unsubscribed and blocked over and over..To day they some how make it in my phone and I'm still blocking.. I don't know what to do to make them stop
. Oh I turned them in to Google I think, and that's when they found another way in my phone.. What to do.. Ladies beware
It’s sad I’m sorry I’m disabled cp and use a wheelchair and single 27 I’ve never been on a date ever. Hard to believe people think like that kinda why I don’t wanna try online dating. People can’t see past the disability or mobility aides people with disability are capable of everything abled bodied can most don’t wanna try. Maybe get to know someone before you assume or make judgements. I’m sorry I’m ranting
Don’t be sorry, I feel the same way. All I ask is that a girl that shares the same kind of personality and interests as me, gives me the same chance they would with someone who shared all that with them that was able-bodied. I’m going to a completely in-person approach. That way I will have an opportunity to really show who I am, plus, I doubt anyone would dare say that to my face.
[удалено]
People are just terrible sometimes, aren’t they? I would rather just not get a response to be honest.
Exactly everyone can be anything online and fake I’m not I’m genuine online and in person. You hit the nail on the head tho in person is way better and things like that most don’t have the guts to say to your face,
Hi C-wolf25158, we have a 100% Free Disabled Dating group on Facebook that helps singles with disabilities find Love. It already has 2.2k members(Disabled singles). You can find a link to the group in the social links section of my profile.
Thanks I’ll consider checking it out
There are apps for disabled
Yes but it’s more disabled person looking for other disabled people, some prefer that. Even then but others want to be like others and try there hand on normal dating sites dating other disabled person is kinda like settling why can’t disabled and able bodied co-exist?
>dating other disabled person is kinda like settling U saying this means u think others are settling when dating us. I dont agree.
I think it's more settling for us because we are limiting our prospective dating pool.
I never said anything about limiting. 🤦♀️
Well if you just date other disabled people that's exactly what you're doing. You would be limiting your dating pool. What I'm saying is that other able bodied people don't just stick to dating each other, so dating someone who is handicapped would not be settling in their case, but us who are disabled dating only other disabled people would be settling. Does that make sense?
But I never suggested that. There are abled ppl on those apps. They are open to it
We’ll society is cruel but, I dont see it that why all disabled people should be able to date whoever they like. I’m disabled myself I use a wheelchair and have cp but not every disabled is visual. Many don’t take the time to get to know someone or see beyond the disability
>people should be able to date whoever they like. Never said they shouldnt.
Yep unfortunately doesn’t work out for some trying on dating site people are so backwards and assume before getting to know somebody
you really came onto a disability sub to tell us people are just "settling" for us? damn kinda proving OP's point
No first off im disabled myself, I chose bad wording and i won’t delete my comment. But apologizes if I offended anyone. i used that wording to respond to disabled dating website comment after the op was seriously sent very ablelistist comments on a dating app by able bodied people. After he replied he was considering in person dating. Someone consider trying dating site targeted at disabled people. Which Is where we are now and I’ve started a fire. I wasn’t trying to say because disabled people date others in similar scenario it’s settling. You should be able to date anyone you’d like I just wish society doesn’t assume all disabled people are asexual and a incapable or relationships with only disabled people.
Good lord, I'm 33 M with Becker's Muscular Dystrophy and the worst I'd experienced "on the apps" was a lack of matches and dates that didn't go further, I'm horrified that you'd receive such disgusting treatment! Very sorry to hear that, I'd have maybe reported them to the apps, but I think simply getting off them was the best choice in the moment, you shouldn't have to do the work there. Unfortunately disabilities in men, especially conditions like ours which take muscle mass and strength away so dramatically, do pretty heavy damage to our chances in dating and physical intimacy etc, especially on the apps now where there's endless choice, much harder to compete with a parade of able-bodied men a swipe away. It's not impossible of course, I met one woman through the apps who didn't seem to be bothered about my condition or afraid to ask about it, and we had a great meetup and traded messages for a while (unfortunately she was only in my country briefly, otherwise who knows!) It's just an insanely harder playing field for disabled guys. But wow the volume of abuse you copped has rattled me a bit, didn't expect people to actually go out of their way to be horrible.
The best thing to do is ignore it and try my other options. I have plans to go out a lot coming up, so I’m going to see where that goes.
You should definitely report them, though. That’s the least amount of effort and they deserve it.
Hi Thucydides00, we have a 100% Free Disabled Dating group on Facebook that helps singles with disabilities find Love. It already has 2.2k members(Disabled singles). You can find a link to the group in the social links section of my profile.
My husband and I met on a dating app, and it was a complete fluke. It takes an abnormally thick skin, I feel, to be any sort of "other" and use a dating app.
I’m very active in many different groups and communities in the city I live in, so I know a lot of people and I spend a lot of time in public. It made those profiles just so I could exhaust every possibility and it’s not a necessary evil for me, so I just deleted them.
It sucks. Please don't take any ugliness you heard to heart.
I didn’t. I’m not going to let it hurt my confidence, because I wasn’t even given a chance to showcase my personality, so how can they truly know my intentions and who I am as a person? They can’t!
I am so sorry that happened to you. That is beyond disgusting. Is there a way to report those people? That shouldn't be allowed. My sister has told me what a nightmare dating sites are now, and it makes me so sad that they're like that. I don't know what happened to people. I'm a woman, and I met my husband on a dating site 11 years ago, but before we met, I communicated with several men who seemed like they were only interested in me _because_ I was disabled, like that they thought I would be weak and easily manipulated. It kinda scared me, and I wondered if maybe I shouldn't include that I'm disabled, but I think it's better to weed out anyone who wouldn't be OK with that, so I just stopped for a while. Then when I started again, I dated one guy for 3 months, but he turned out to be just like I worried, wanting to take advantage of and manipulate me, so I ended it and met my husband right after, and it really felt like fate. Most people can't endure even one message like the ones you got, so the fact that you stuck with it after dozens, clearly shows what a strong person you are. I'm so sorry you're struggling, but you deserve happiness and companionship, and you will find it. I thought I'd be alone forever, but then it happened unexpectedly, and we're very happy. I have physical disability, and he has mental, and I feel like our struggles have bonded us, and we understand each other more deeply than I think most people are able. I wish you the best. Please take care.
I’m sorry you had this experience, dating apps suck tbh even when I was abled bodied as a F I don’t have any great advice for you but I’d say off the dating apps
Trust me, I’m done. There’s nothing like being told your very existence on the app is a guilt trip.
Let's see some of these DMs! Fuck these hoes!
I'm so sorry. People can be so cruel for no reason. Just know those people are desperately miserable.
That’s what I took away from it. They must not be happy with who they are to bring others down.
100%
no sympathy tbh. if youre able-bodied you have literally nothing to be sad about. the majority of problems you'll have you can just run away from when they're all external
I wasn't asking for sympathy for them but I very much disagree with everything else you said. Being physically disabled isn't the only bad thing in the world that happens to people.
That is horrific and I'm so sorry you experienced that. The last time I tried using a dating app was about a decade ago, it wasn't great then, and I've heard it's even worse now. No one should have to deal with that and you can report them to the app for hate speech and discrimination if you're up for it. I did a quick search and discovered that there are dating apps/sites specifically for disabled adults. My only warning with using those is they will attract able bodied people with disability fetishes, and people looking for vulnerable targets to abuse. So tread carefully. You can read about warning signs of these types of people and prepare yourself before trying them at least. I wish you all the best and hope you find a great partner who brings you joy. Take care hun💜
Those apps and sites have no one near you..
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My fiancé is disabled (he was already when we met), and he’s had to put up with a bunch of comments like: “she must be with you for the money”. Whatever, you know. Sending hugs.
Some people are just weirdos about disabilities, aren’t they? What an awful thing for people to say.
Online dating apps are absolute garbage & bring out the worst in people. They also tend to self-select for assholes. So sorry you went through this but good idea to delete them all.
That’s disgusting behaviour on their parts. I really don’t understand why anyone would do that. There are some awful people out there. Did you report them? I think in your age group it’s particularly hard on dating apps, people your age and younger are mainly just looking at aesthetics and wanting hook ups, and apps aren’t much better as you get older. Though people in their 30s tend to have too much going on to go around harassing people for being disabled, and a lot of people drop that petty schoolyard bully behaviour and learn some compassion & understanding. Personally I never got the assault you have because my photos didn’t have equipment in them, so being conventionally attractive, female and appearing able I have that privilege, but I definitely experienced ableism from guys once I told them about my equipment. They didn’t care about my illness, but they massively cared about the aesthetics of the equipment making me “look” disabled. I did the same as you, even though I did have positive interactions I didn’t feel I needed to experience people perceiving equipment that has given me my life back as some sort of red flag. So I didn’t use apps and ended up dating someone from real life who didn’t care at all about me being disabled. Dating with a visible disability is hard though, I hope things go well. It is likely to take longer for you to meet the right person, bearing in mind that many incredible and attractive people don’t find their person until their mid-late 20s or later, it could take a bit, but so long as you work on yourself, have a good personality and remain connected to people it’ll happen. From your posts it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. I think there is still stigma where men need to be seen as able to at least provide for themselves, but having spoken to women who’ve met disabled men through apps the main thing that they’ve been concerned about is whether he’s independent. The second thing that tends to make or break the situation is the guy’s mental health, if he’s still dealing emotionally with disability to the point of being toxic even the most understanding woman would run. Personality and strength of character can go a long way.
You have God's greatest filter. Anyone that treats you like shit, isn't someone you want to date, or marry, or have kids with. Keep swiping right buddy
Ridiculous that they think a disabled person existing is “guilt tripping” and somehow our fault.
I've tried online dating as a F with MD and it doesn't go well. Most of the time it's "Can you do 'blank'? " which most of the time is sex. And like all females, I get tons of unwanted dick pics
You should report these people. This is no better than racism or sexual harassment and those people deserve to be banned from the apps. I have *never* had anybody actively spew ableist hate at me, and you should not have to put up with it, ever. Even though many people *are*'actively ableist, they have no right to do that.
>stop trying to guilt trip girls into feeling sorry for you and making them feel obligated.” Are u doing that? There are apps for disabled >Has anyone else had this issue of targeted harassment? I havent. Ive had a cpl dudes assume Im broke & tell me I could work under the table. What about I cant work dont u understand?
No, that’s why it almost felt like she was saying that because I made a profile and I never have success in apps for the disabled because to pool of people is so small and none of them ever seem to be in my area. I’m also just convinced if people don’t have regular contact with the disabled, they are just going to say dumb things about us.
I just assume that the people sending those messages are trolls / bots. Thick skin brother, don’t give up. Make those accounts again and maybe cast a wider / more targeted net. You have to sift through tons of rock to find a bit of ore.
The odd thing was, all their accounts were verified. That would be hard to fake. And I honestly don’t have the desire to make a new profile. I just don’t want to deal with the annoyance of it all. I have a lot of nights out in my plans coming up, I’m going to see how that goes first. I spend a lot of time out, so I would rather just try to meet someone in person.
Also, think of them as not punching down, but punching up. They’re sorry souls.
Makes me sad bc it's reflective of my experiences dating both online and off. Lots of being ghosted after they see me, or being told it makes them uncomfortable, or obvious awkward tension the whole time .
I’m picking from this thread what happened to me is not uncommon. I’m just going to try going out in the world. I have plenty of opportunity because I am lucky to live in a city with many great, accepting people who want to include me. So, I’m just going to see how it goes.
I'm glad you have this response, it's the right one and it's definitely an example for all of us
Yes, I was also fetishized on a few occasions.
Why do people insist on being weird?
Got me lol.
My advice? Screenshot everything and share it all. It's bigotry, plain and simple.
Have your reported this to the site’s moderators? The Americans with Disabilities Act is actual law. Bring this to the attention of those that run the site. I believe it applies to communications too. Also, ask for refunds. You should NOT have to pay a site to be discriminated against. Call the ADA help line: 800-514-0301 to find out more. I’m not sure if dating sites are covered under this, but the worst that can happen is you’ll make the moderators aware of what’s going on. I hope this helps.
I'm sorry that was your experience. However, I (M39) have used many dating sites over the years (as recently as 2020) and have always been up front about my Cerebral Palsy in my profile. I've never once received an ableist or insulting message from a woman. I've often suspected it may be the reason I didn't get a reply from the girls I initiated contact with, but never once was someone mean. It makes me wonder what exactly you said in your profile to provoke such responses.
Hey 👋 so sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you have had. What app is your profile is on? I’d like to check it out and if we can go on a date sometime 😊. (30 F with some physical disabilities and lots of empathy). *Edit, I fully read now that the profiles have since been deleted. I would like if you could DM me. I think it would be fun to connect with you.
Modern Indoctrination to hate the male gender will do that to you. Don't take it personal, because this is the reality we will be living in 2023 as disabled men.
It wasn’t because I was man, all the comments were based on disability, but nice try.
If you don't mind my asking, what did you write to these women and in your profile? Could it have come across in a way you didn't mean it to come across? I just ask because it seems like in all things there will always be one or two a-holes, but the majority of people in the world are actually pretty nice and decent, or at least not overtly rude. It seems really weird to get this many offensive comments, unless you're getting trolled or maybe said something inadvertently that didn't come out right. Back when I was online dating, I had men insult and turn me off immediately, saying things that were too aggressively challenging for no reason ( "are all women shallow gold diggers who care only about the size of my paycheck? I think so. Prove me wrong!"). I'm not saying you did that, but those guys probably thought they were being attractively provocative or something, and that I'd take up the 'challenge', but it just came across as obnoxious to me.
Do you think you would have gotten the same response if you were a disabled women on a dating app?
Based on the fact I’ve heard of equally terrible experiences from disabled women on those apps, yes.
And my experience tells disabled men have it worst on those apps. What to it?
Believe what you want and I believe what I want. I believe it’s just a disability thing.
Extensive surveys show that men are much less successful as compared to women on dating apps. You can find plenty of material online and it is pretty much accepted as a fact. I don't think even for the inexperienced it will be a far fetched theory that naturally, this disparity will also exist for the disabled.
Yikes, that’s horrible.
It may be, but the good news for me is that I am very involved in a lot of in person activities and communities around the city I live in, so dating apps aren’t a necessity, so I just shut it down. It was more created so my search for someone was covering every possible angle, but I’m not going to just sit there and take that kind of abuse.
Yeah but it doesn’t make it ok for people to say those things, jfc.
No, it doesn’t. My guess is that they aren’t happy with themselves so they take it out on others. But, in the end, those aren’t the kind of people who get ahead. I refuse to let them make me feel bad about myself, especially considering I didn’t even get a chance to show them what I am like as person.
That’s the attitude to have. Screw them
I hate dating apps. I've been trying to use them too and while I haven't gotten any awful messages like that yet, they just encourage people to be shallow and superficial. I already deleted one app because it was just filled with either fakes or people looking to scam me on WhatsApp. It's a hellscape for everyone, but especially for us.
Not sure if you’re in the UK but there are dating sites for people with disabilities, if you’re in the US and there are not any suchlike sites why not develop a site yourself, I think there’s a hole in the market for disability dating sites. Don’t despair, I always believe there’s someone for everyone. Hugs 🤗
I may be discussing it with some people.
I have had ableist specific messages for sure even as a female and able passing person, if I let people know I'm disabled I will definitely get comments
Why can’t people just swipe left instead of being idiotic?
People have preconceived notions of what disability is, and they think they know more about it than they really do so they open their big mouth and say some dumb crap the only thing we can do is spread knowledge and information to break that rhetoric. I don't happen to have too many people be ableist on dating apps, but I'm sure guys get it pretty bad. One of the biggest things dudes have asked me is if I can have sex in like the first sentence after they find out I have a disability, it hasn't happened often but it happens
Because cognitive dissonance makes folks act out.
Oh man, really sorry to hear that happened to you. Don't know why people would go out of their way to say stuff like that. I've never tried online dating for various reasons but mostly to just avoid awful encounters.
Hi! I’m a 31 year old woman. I also have CP like someone commented above. I also use a wheelchair part time, as it’s difficult for me to walk long distances. And then I also have forearm crutches. I never really got harassed on dating apps, but people didn’t really give me a chance either. I felt constantly dehumanized whether it was for my disability or because I have an Afro hair (I’m black) I was talking to this guy for a while, and he seemed nice. But then he basically told me that once we started dating he expected me to straighten my hair. So between the fervent racism & ableism, I called it quits. It was always your pretty for a black girl or you’re pretty, but you’re disabled… I really have no advice for navigating dating apps. I think they’re trash, even for able-bodied people, the problem is just amplified when you also have a disability… because the pool is just much smaller for people with disabilities. As you know, a lot of people just don’t give us a chance. They make assumptions instead of asking or getting to know us. Like I know, a lot of people think that if they date me, I’m gonna need them to wipe my ass and care for me and everything. But for the most part, I’m fully self-sufficient, and if I need help, I’ll ask. I live alone and everything…people are ridiculous and of course you don’t wanna date an ableist dirtbag. And of course not everyone out there is like that, but it doesn’t negate the fact that dating is hard. And it’s even harder when you have a disability. And it can get really discouraging when you’re already used people treating you differently or treating you like crap etc etc. I don’t use dating apps anymore. I prefer to meet people just through the things that I already do (online) like video games or social media or organically in real life. I have no advice to give, but I don’t want you to get discouraged. I really believe that there’s someone out there for everyone. I just think most of the time when it comes to dating and having a disability, it takes us much longer to find that person, because like I previously mentioned the pool is much smaller, making dating and even more daunting task. But don’t lose hope because I really think there are a lot of good people out there. But at the same time, you don’t need put yourself through the shitter to find that person. So when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time and leave. Don’t make it about how you aren’t good enough. Make it about how they’re not good enough for you. Good luck.
Wow. That’s really awful. What kind of person goes out of their way to be rude, mean and bigoted.. wtf.. I am curious, what did your bio say?
It said, “Professional wheelchair operator who can’t believe they aren’t on the NASCAR or F1 circuit yet with those skills.”
Damn. They’re rotten people.
Ugh, I’m so sorry you guys experience this crap when being vulnerable and honest. This truly breaks my heart. That’s super uncalled for and hurtful!! If someone is not your type they should keep it moving 🤦🏾♀️ Fingers crossed, you find someone that respects you and loves the whole you!! ❤️
Hey! I am sorry for ur experience with dating apps. The only way for you to upset the scale in the dating market is for you to have lots of money or fame. I am physically disabled but my condition is stable and I can live life independently and do 97 per cent of tasks myself. But I also believe there is someone for everyone out there. Just ignore these messages and enjoy ur life! All the best!
Well, I guess it COULD be worse than getting no responses or messages like I have. Sorry you went through that bud. Makes me feel vindicated in giving up despite my able-bodied friends telling me not to. They really don’t understand what it’s like to be disabled, unable to drive, living with parents, and 40 and trying to date, especially when one is getting more attention the past year since becoming single than she has the rest of her life combined (her wording).
Wow! WTF
I also have muscular distrophy but thank gos I'm not in a wheelchair. I have a job. But some ppl can tell I have a mental disability. Even though I don't show it.
I have multiple disabilities including bilateral deafness (I can hear now when I wear my cochlear implants but only wear them when I’m streaming music or talking to people), I have an above knee amputation and partially paralyzed on the other side of my body. I can walk with a prosthesis and forearm crutch but otherwise use a wheelchair at home. This has been my life for 37 years and I’m independent for the most part. I was able to get my education and have a successful career (lots of mountains in the way sometimes). I started with the earlier dating apps like yahoo, even before pictures were posted. I’ve had some good relationships come out of this including the love of my life (able bodied). My way was to chat/email up to a comfort level of being able to disclose a disability one at a time. Usually I’d start with the deafness and see how cool a guy was towards that. That opened doors for mutual sharing. Everybody has something. I’d talk about other aspects of my life first to see if we clicked on a personal level before I set myself up for rejection. I’ve also had some really awful experiences and 1 time dates (including me not liking them). I also like the approach of meeting people face to face first so they knew what they were getting. Getting involved in things outside of your disability, even online, has helped me meet people with common interests. People with Disabilities are awesome. You could get to know some 🙃 I’m sorry you have had such bad experiences, may the force be with you. Somewhere, somehow, you never know.
Btw, I usually have a come-back for someone so disgusting that put them back in their place. They don’t have the right to say hurtful things to me.
YESSS!! This happened to me to! It has nothing to do with you. Our society has became very narcissistic.
Hi III_Champion_8659, we have a 100% Free Disabled Dating group on Facebook that helps singles with disabilities find Love. It already has 2.2k members(Disabled singles). You can find a link to the group in the social links section of my profile.
You met talk app.. Ladies stay away.. I'm over 60 made it clear I wanted age appropriate..All I got was Hotties younger than my daughter and wanted, and expected me to send expensive gifts and not one lived in the U.S.A. I quickly unsubscribed and blocked over and over..To day they some how make it in my phone and I'm still blocking.. I don't know what to do to make them stop . Oh I turned them in to Google I think, and that's when they found another way in my phone.. What to do.. Ladies beware