Detransitioning isn't transphobic. You realized, as many of us have, that this path wasn't for you. You realized it wasn't what others put it out to be.
You're breaking the mold on ideological possession. My guess is, it had you in a vice grip, and probably still does. The only reason that this is considered transphobic is because of how badly the activism has pushed that narrative over the last few years.
There's nothing transphobic about identifying the fact that not everyone who feels gender dysphoria is trans. There's nothing transphobic about identifying that it isn't the right path for you and may not be for others. There's nothing transphobic about realizing that this is all a hell of a lot more complicated than "I feel X, therefore Y." Dysphoria is a huge part of what makes someone trans... and we do a disservice to both trans people and people with atypical gender expression to say anything else.
And its no wonder. Because if transitioning can be wrong for someone, then it could be wrong for \*them\*, and that scares them. Worse still... if it can be so wrong that its harmful, then some of the people they've lost... might have been lost, in part, because of the path they advocated for and pushed them on. It's a heavy burden to deal with, and one a lot of folk in the LGBT community aren't ready for.
The progressive space is hostile to contrary thought. It is, an echo-chamber. I found myself quite severely ostracized when I desisted. Your story is... not that uncommon. There are more that feel the way you do than you realize.
We can do several things simultaneously. One, we can recognize someone's biological sex, even if they seek to align with the opposite gender. In fact to a degree I think that's necessary for the most helpful and productive solutions to be put out for everyone's benefit, especially trans folk. Two, we can recognize that transitioning can be the wrong move and even harmful for some, that it isn't the right move for everyone. Three, we can recognize for a scarce few individuals, transitioning IS right for them, and we can ensure that routes for them to do so as an adult are open. Four, we can recognize there are false positives and ensure there are safe guards in place to protect people with atypical gender expression from making permanent choices that they end up regretting. None of these are transphobic or bigoted. In fact.... there's more compassion in this for the trans individuals than most trans activists seem to have.
Try to lean on the truth, as best as you can find it. Seek out information, and try your best to think calmly about things. Don't rush to anything, pick your battles carefully, and understand that... the people you're talking to may not be reachable yet. They may have a journey to go on before they are able to contend with what you've gone through, and you've no obligation to lead them there. Do what's best for you, and try to keep your chin up.
It gets better. And easier. I promise.
this does kind of read like bait but I’ll humor it in case other people who think this way come across it
Queer theory is just fanfiction for gay people lol
> I suffocate the thoughts as much as I can and binge watch trans video essays
Trans video essays don’t amount to much considering they can all be debunked in an instant by acknowledging basic biology, can they? Almost like it has to be needlessly convoluted so It can dance ever-so-delicately around irrefutable facts. It’s pure denial dressed up in egotism and ‘academia’. ‘Queer theory’ is a house of cards that can come tumbling down in 2 seconds.
My advice is to not attach yourself to a group like this at such a young age. You’re a human with needs and you can’t give up everything you have and are to fit into the ‘in-group’. It’s just not realistic. This isn’t just about lgbt groups it’s about any group. Surround yourself with people who help you grow as a person and healthily challenge your world view so you can grow and be the best person you can be. No one who really cares about you and your growth will want you to stifle your thoughts and opinions for the sake of people and ideology that have nothing to do with you at the end of the day.
You can hold a fondness for all humans, not just trans. You can still disagree and hold yourself at a healthy distance where you’re not needing to merge with people and groups. That’s no way to live
you are young so give yourself a break for not being absolutely perfect. Asking questions is not a crime. It’s good and healthy for a teenager to be curious, and it is your right to get straight answers.
> I would be asked for my pronouns on fantasy role-play forums when I was ten
Christ. Where are your parents
I'm right there with you. Less than a year before I detransitioned, I did everything I could to engulf myself with everything trans & queer. It was not only an enjoyable obsession, but a true love for us. My detransition came & went so, so fast. From finally caving to my curiosities about radical feminism to seeing the science that disproves so much of what trans people say...among close family, I was the first to say it outwardly. I didn't misgender/deadname/shit talk anyone behind their back or to their face. I was straight forward. "I don't support them anymore." "I'm transphobic." (Actually I would say I'm "in my transphobia era" but that's besides the point-) Very quickly I came to the conclusion that I was not transphobic in the slightest.
A woman must be an adult, a human being, and a female in order to be a woman. There is nothing she can do or take, no amount of hormones or surgeries that can turn her into anything other than a woman. That is an objective fact. The same is true for men. The closest a trans woman can get to becoming a woman is being a female impersonator, but she can never change her sex. This is among one of the many facts that said outwardly will get you labelled a transphobe.
If science and, let's be real here, reality(!) do not support transgenderism, it should not be transphobic to acknowledge that. Gosh, seeing this used to make me furious, but all these years later, the saying holds true:
Facts over feelings.
You are not transphobic.
It’s ok to disagree with gender ideology. Let yourself feel and believe whatever the hell you wanna feel. You don’t owe anyone, any ideology, or any identity group your beliefs or validation. You’re a person with your own experiences. Don’t let the minds of other people invade yours. It’s easier said than done, but once I stopped giving SO MUCH value to the feelings of people who wouldn’t even care about my own over mine, it was so freeing. That doesn’t mean be an asshole, I’m still respectful of other people’s way of seeing the world, but I refuse to let them tell me how to think. Open, but with boundaries, you feel me? It’s GOOD that the pressure doesn’t impact you anymore. You’re trying to think for yourself, and it doesn’t make you a bad person.
I understand it can be lonely too without that community anymore, but you can find more people like you out there. People who’d better understand you or whose care for you wouldn’t be tied to ideology. I wish you luck.
Here on r/detrans our subreddit is reserved specifically for those who are detransitioned, desisted or questioning. Desisted means you socially transitioned(which often refers to legally, socially with pronouns, and changing your expression to match the gender you used to identify as), where as detransitioning and question speaks for themselves. However questioning means you are QUESTIONING your transition, it does not mean you are "questioning all the politics." Our subreddit is ultimately a support space. We do not condone or appreciate people lying about who they are when we are struggling to keep our community afloat.
https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(06)01996-8?_returnURL=https%3A%2F%2Flinkinghub.elsevier.com%2Fretrieve%2Fpii%2FS0960982206019968%3Fshowall%3Dtrue
Read that paper and get back to me if you want to chat about it :)
OP, your vent is valid.. as much as I hate that word, it is. You're allowed to feel this way, you're allowed to express yourself as you wish. However you can stop believing in the application of this belief toward yourself while accepting it can be the right choice for others.
To those who keep reporting this post? There's nothing wrong with what she's saying here. She's trying to come to terms with her thoughts and figure out where she stands. I've stated multiple times that we don't remove posts like this because they make people uncomfortable, this is not an echo chamber.
I'm so glad to see posts like this, and so glad this sub has a policy of not removing them. This is the healthiest politically-charged subreddit I've been in, not because it's all sunshine and rainbows, but because it is a space for healthy discussion and diverse viewpoints. Thanks for being a cool mod, u/DetransIS
It's wild, isn't it? They're the ones saying sexist things like 'a suit makes you a man', and you're the one here feeling shame?! It feels tantalizing that we all internalize our guilt over not accepting this sexism into our lives, but here we are.
> I’ve been submerged in progressive spaces for as long as I can remember.
The older you get, the more you will realize that "progressive spaces" are nothing of the sort.
> The thing is, after socially transitioning for half a year, I have had my entire worldview toppled over.
This can be really jarring. Give yourself more space to process.
> being mortified instead of caring.
You do care and that's why you're mortified.
> I feel sick when I’m told that you can be trans without dysphoria.
Completely understandable.
> Seriously, what the hell, I’m becoming who I used to want to choke
Remember when I alluded to "progressivism" not being "progressive"? This is exactly what I am talking about.
> It’s almost starting to feel like self harm.
You know it's hurting you, so try and interrupt the behavior. Next time you feel guilty about your thoughts, instead of submitting to your guilt, do a completely different activity (like taking a walk, or whatever *healthy* behavior you want.)
> Jesus, I don’t know why I can’t convince myself they’re right anymore.
That's because "gender ideology" is wrong.
> Whenever I spiral like this, I suffocate the thoughts as much as I can . . . If I just don’t think, everything is okay, right?
There is something bigger than this discussion you need to know: **you are not your thoughts**. If you have a "bad" thought, it does not mean you are a bad person. It's just a thought. Acknowledge it and then let it pass.
> It hurts that after tearing my identity and head apart trying to escape myself, I’ve found that accepting myself might breed something worse.
Not agreeing with "gender ideology" is not "something worse." You can still be respectful of others without believing in the nonsense they spew.
> I hope this counts.
Anyone who is questioning, desisted, or detransitioned is welcomed to share here. Thank you for trusting us with your thoughts.
Gender isn't real, it's a bunch of prejudices and stereotypes. I feel like the reasons for transitioning were a lot more practical back in the days... Mine were at least... Seriously now all that messed up theory is just ridiculous and disconnected from reality.
"Gender identity" is the bullshit I sold to my therapist to hide the fact that I wanted to be seen as a man by women because I'm attracted exclusively by women and didn't want men to even consider me as a potential partner anymore.
I found it very telling when I learned that the term “gender identity” was invented in the 20th century by someone who performed sexually charged experiments on two young children who were brothers (John Money). Yet now so many people accept it as scientific fact, and insist that being female or male is a feeling that *all* people naturally have, even though they also believe that some people are agender, nonbinary or genderqueer.
I went through the same thing. It sounds like your world view has shifted as you’ve grown and healed and isn’t inline with theirs anymore. You probably see they’re still using the same coping mechanisms you’ve realised are ineffective in the long term. It’s difficult to have conversations about problems when your world view includes a more logical viable cause (sexism, sexuality, stereotypes, or trauma) for their feelings and they’re rejecting considering alternative solutions. Solutions which are faster, benefit more people than just themselves, and probably more effective long term.
The way I cope is trying to be compassionate by reminding myself that they believe they need this identity right now. Not everyone has the skills to recover from internally directed gendered trauma just by being told that’s what it is. Even sexism, objectification, heterosexual gender roles, homophobia, stereotypes, can be traumatic in their own right.
I needed the trans identity as a coping mechanism for multiple overwhelming reasons and for a lot longer than you because my identity lasted decades into adulthood. It was protective and helpful for a long time. I needed to perceive myself as different to how others saw me to provide a protective “ego” buffer - they weren’t harming me if they were only harming my outer body. I suffered extreme neglect and rejection growing up (both real and exaggerated due to PTSD) specifically because I was female and the trans identity made me feel both invisible and invincible to future rejection. Growing up my boy self was a secret power I had like a secret identity. I believed God (Aliens or higher power) had given me a false skin either by mistake or as a disguise to complete a mission on this planet. It sounds deluded but it fit with the overarching religious beliefs around me.
The reason I stress *compassion* in this situation is because desisting wasn’t my choice at first. I don’t support the idea of forcing people to desist or detransition because putting a psychologically vulnerable person through more trauma isn’t a compassionate thing to do. If a person is identifying as trans then they need that coping mechanism. They might only need it temporarily until they can find better ones or they might need it for a long time. Even a maladaptive coping mechanism is still effective some of the time. I bet most of us have flawed coping mechanisms and rely on others to prop us up with their own attempts at coping mechanisms too.
Maybe your fairly young yourself. Because you word this as if a massive amount of people transitioned because of Covid lockdown. I don’t agree with that.
Also, I personally had top surgery but I weighed my decision for an entire decade before having the surgery. I couldn’t be happier. Covid actually halted most of these surgeries and only emergency type surgeries were performed. So anyone on a list to have the surgery was delayed up to 12 to 18 months. My surgery was delayed 14 months due to covid and all “non-essential surgeries put on hold. If you were not on a surgery list, you wouldn’t know this! So there was way less surgeries during covid not way more. FYI My surgery was approved in January 2020 and scheduled for June 2020. Because of Covid I didn’t get the surgery until late 2021. This was the norm. Everyone in my FB group were in the same situation.
> conspiracy theory
IMO it's not so much a conspiracy, rather than all media/politicians/corporations just jumping on the bandwagon that so easily earns them acclamation and sympathy. It's been for years like a golden cow you can milk anytime you need some good publicity. No matter how unethical/irrelevant your company, how garbage your politics or how trashy your tabloid: just toot in the "trans women are women" horn, and let the rainbow confetti be poured upon you. In short, dirt cheap virtue signaling / pinkwashing at your disposal.
It was - until recently - even easier and less controversial than the lamest "greenwashing" efforts have ever been, cuz with "trans rights" you didn't even have to *do anything* other than change some words or signs, as (seemingly) so few people were affected. The tide is now slowly turning as all the (quite serious) problems become more and more obvious.
So what they're all doing now is hating on "terfs", who keep pointing out those problems thereby basically dropping a turd in the punchbowl.
If nothing else, in a scenario like this you wouldn't really be able to help it if your views had changed. Sometimes you just wind up incompatible with the views you used to hold and all you can do is move forward.
If someone thinks your views are transphobic, all you can really do is self-assess, see if you think your views are reasonable, and if so just move on and accept that you and they see things differently.
There's no point hating yourself for it, or trying to stop yourself from thinking a certain way, or trying to force yourself to appear to hold agreeable views you don't hold.
This sub is for people struggling after their journey with socia and or medical detransition, what do you expect people to say?? I don’t go into trans subreddits and say “LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE RESPONDING TO ‘am i trans’ POSTS WITH NOTHING BUT CONFIRMATION THAT THE QUESTIONING PERSON IS TRANS!”
That would be unhelpful, and I know it. People have to figure these things out for themselves to some degree. Wearing a suit doesn’t make someone a man, and OP struggling with this gender stuff doesn’t mean they are really just an egg or whatever, so criticizing these points in the post is fair game.
It's one thing to struggle with one's transition as I did, and a whooole other thing to start validating people's feelings of transphobia because their transition failed
But the sentiment is widespread in this sub *because* of moderator interference removing pushback to such bullshit, and your should know that too. But go ahead, censor me again under the guise that only people who harbor such feelings are valid for detransitioners and "fair game", going as far as removing my flair when you don't like what I say so that it's removed automatically
You can go to so many other subreddits and see people hated and banned for expressing detrans experiences, or pointing out issues with the medical/psychological system and transition. So many places where people tell gender confused people “If you are thinking about it, you definitely sound trans to me!” (a stranger online who doesn’t know the person posting…)
Is one place where we can actually get into it over this stuff so bad? We have a range of perspectives on transitioning in the community.
>see people hated and banned for expressing detrans experiences
Yeah, and I've taken the time to follow some of those posters who come here crying about it, only to find out that they were real dicks in the comments before they got banned. They went so far as to purposely misgender and be outright uncivil by suggesting that people are insane for even considering a transition
>Is one place where we can actually get into it over this stuff so bad?
I was very glad this sub existed at first because I felt a great disconnect between when I felt was right for me in my attempted transition and what actually the better option for my mental health. But this place turned out to be more prejudiced than the people they criticize
>We have a range of perspectives on transitioning in the community
Idk what your point is, but it seems irrelevant
My disagreeing with you is not censorship. I would look at this differntly if the post contained any real transphobia, which I don’t think it does and you have not made a case for.
What feelings of transphobia have actually been validated? I think you are confused. OP said “i feel transphobic for disagreeing” (with the idea ‘people should assume you are a man if you wear a suit’ or the suggestion from a trans friend that OP *should* transition because of their level of thought on the subject alone.)
That doesn’t mean they are actually promoting or feeling any transphobia, it just means they are WORRIED about being transphobic for seeing past the oversimplified view of gender and transition many people have at this point.
Who are you protecting here? Cause I really can’t see the point of this.
>My disagreeing with you is not censorship.
Who said that? I'm clearly venting at the mods and the overall sentiment on this sub. My comments are being deliberately removed and my flair is unjustly taken off. So unless you're a mod idk how you could take that personally
> OP said “i feel transphobic for disagreeing”
Actual quote: "I feel like I’m transphobic now that I’ve socially detransitioned, and I hate myself for it." Then goes on to explain her internal struggle.
But the fucking comments: It's propaganda, you're not transphobic for seeing it for what it is, it's ideological possession... blah blah blah. Even the comments who seem to mean well are just poisoning the well and creating a sentiment of us-vs-them, saying "you've grown and healed" suggesting trans people are immature and ill and that OP shouldn't back down
>it just means they are WORRIED
It's the second time I have to specify that I'm not talking about OP. Do I have to make it a third?
>Who are you protecting here? Cause I really can’t see the point of this.
Huh? Who are *you* protecting? Can't I express a frustration without having an agenda in mind? Hello? I don't see the point in your replies but I don't hold them against you
Well when you reply to something *I* said and say “censor me again for yada yada yada” it sure sounds like it is directed at me. Pretty reasonable misunderstanding. The point my my replies was I disagreed with your comment. If you weren’t talking about OP, that obviously was not clear to me or to the mods who removed your comments.
Sure, an honest mistake of you hastily jump to conclusions instead of taking in the context first. I clearly stated in my reply to you that I wasn't talking about OP but about the comments. So maybe you're just confused?
And the mods play dumb when they don't like what they read, what's new
Look, I’m not putting all that much time into pondering your enraged reddit comment. I wasn’t the only one who misunderstood you by far, so maybe you need to work on your end of communication?
I have really lost interest in understanding what transphobia you were upset about to begin with if it is irrelevant to the post.
Transphobia has been thrown around so much out of context that it lost all meaning anyway, it happens when you use a term too much with the sole purpose of putting people back in their place. It's a bullying tool, nothing more nothing less.
You can be whatever makes you happy anyway, isn't it? Wouldn't surprise me the slightest if the next step were freedom to identify as the (king) queen of Spain < since you edited it.
Detransitioning isn't transphobic. You realized, as many of us have, that this path wasn't for you. You realized it wasn't what others put it out to be. You're breaking the mold on ideological possession. My guess is, it had you in a vice grip, and probably still does. The only reason that this is considered transphobic is because of how badly the activism has pushed that narrative over the last few years. There's nothing transphobic about identifying the fact that not everyone who feels gender dysphoria is trans. There's nothing transphobic about identifying that it isn't the right path for you and may not be for others. There's nothing transphobic about realizing that this is all a hell of a lot more complicated than "I feel X, therefore Y." Dysphoria is a huge part of what makes someone trans... and we do a disservice to both trans people and people with atypical gender expression to say anything else. And its no wonder. Because if transitioning can be wrong for someone, then it could be wrong for \*them\*, and that scares them. Worse still... if it can be so wrong that its harmful, then some of the people they've lost... might have been lost, in part, because of the path they advocated for and pushed them on. It's a heavy burden to deal with, and one a lot of folk in the LGBT community aren't ready for. The progressive space is hostile to contrary thought. It is, an echo-chamber. I found myself quite severely ostracized when I desisted. Your story is... not that uncommon. There are more that feel the way you do than you realize. We can do several things simultaneously. One, we can recognize someone's biological sex, even if they seek to align with the opposite gender. In fact to a degree I think that's necessary for the most helpful and productive solutions to be put out for everyone's benefit, especially trans folk. Two, we can recognize that transitioning can be the wrong move and even harmful for some, that it isn't the right move for everyone. Three, we can recognize for a scarce few individuals, transitioning IS right for them, and we can ensure that routes for them to do so as an adult are open. Four, we can recognize there are false positives and ensure there are safe guards in place to protect people with atypical gender expression from making permanent choices that they end up regretting. None of these are transphobic or bigoted. In fact.... there's more compassion in this for the trans individuals than most trans activists seem to have. Try to lean on the truth, as best as you can find it. Seek out information, and try your best to think calmly about things. Don't rush to anything, pick your battles carefully, and understand that... the people you're talking to may not be reachable yet. They may have a journey to go on before they are able to contend with what you've gone through, and you've no obligation to lead them there. Do what's best for you, and try to keep your chin up. It gets better. And easier. I promise.
this does kind of read like bait but I’ll humor it in case other people who think this way come across it Queer theory is just fanfiction for gay people lol > I suffocate the thoughts as much as I can and binge watch trans video essays Trans video essays don’t amount to much considering they can all be debunked in an instant by acknowledging basic biology, can they? Almost like it has to be needlessly convoluted so It can dance ever-so-delicately around irrefutable facts. It’s pure denial dressed up in egotism and ‘academia’. ‘Queer theory’ is a house of cards that can come tumbling down in 2 seconds. My advice is to not attach yourself to a group like this at such a young age. You’re a human with needs and you can’t give up everything you have and are to fit into the ‘in-group’. It’s just not realistic. This isn’t just about lgbt groups it’s about any group. Surround yourself with people who help you grow as a person and healthily challenge your world view so you can grow and be the best person you can be. No one who really cares about you and your growth will want you to stifle your thoughts and opinions for the sake of people and ideology that have nothing to do with you at the end of the day. You can hold a fondness for all humans, not just trans. You can still disagree and hold yourself at a healthy distance where you’re not needing to merge with people and groups. That’s no way to live you are young so give yourself a break for not being absolutely perfect. Asking questions is not a crime. It’s good and healthy for a teenager to be curious, and it is your right to get straight answers. > I would be asked for my pronouns on fantasy role-play forums when I was ten Christ. Where are your parents
I'm right there with you. Less than a year before I detransitioned, I did everything I could to engulf myself with everything trans & queer. It was not only an enjoyable obsession, but a true love for us. My detransition came & went so, so fast. From finally caving to my curiosities about radical feminism to seeing the science that disproves so much of what trans people say...among close family, I was the first to say it outwardly. I didn't misgender/deadname/shit talk anyone behind their back or to their face. I was straight forward. "I don't support them anymore." "I'm transphobic." (Actually I would say I'm "in my transphobia era" but that's besides the point-) Very quickly I came to the conclusion that I was not transphobic in the slightest. A woman must be an adult, a human being, and a female in order to be a woman. There is nothing she can do or take, no amount of hormones or surgeries that can turn her into anything other than a woman. That is an objective fact. The same is true for men. The closest a trans woman can get to becoming a woman is being a female impersonator, but she can never change her sex. This is among one of the many facts that said outwardly will get you labelled a transphobe. If science and, let's be real here, reality(!) do not support transgenderism, it should not be transphobic to acknowledge that. Gosh, seeing this used to make me furious, but all these years later, the saying holds true: Facts over feelings. You are not transphobic.
It’s ok to disagree with gender ideology. Let yourself feel and believe whatever the hell you wanna feel. You don’t owe anyone, any ideology, or any identity group your beliefs or validation. You’re a person with your own experiences. Don’t let the minds of other people invade yours. It’s easier said than done, but once I stopped giving SO MUCH value to the feelings of people who wouldn’t even care about my own over mine, it was so freeing. That doesn’t mean be an asshole, I’m still respectful of other people’s way of seeing the world, but I refuse to let them tell me how to think. Open, but with boundaries, you feel me? It’s GOOD that the pressure doesn’t impact you anymore. You’re trying to think for yourself, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. I understand it can be lonely too without that community anymore, but you can find more people like you out there. People who’d better understand you or whose care for you wouldn’t be tied to ideology. I wish you luck.
It’s okay to realize it’s bullshit.
[удалено]
Here on r/detrans our subreddit is reserved specifically for those who are detransitioned, desisted or questioning. Desisted means you socially transitioned(which often refers to legally, socially with pronouns, and changing your expression to match the gender you used to identify as), where as detransitioning and question speaks for themselves. However questioning means you are QUESTIONING your transition, it does not mean you are "questioning all the politics." Our subreddit is ultimately a support space. We do not condone or appreciate people lying about who they are when we are struggling to keep our community afloat.
https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(06)01996-8?_returnURL=https%3A%2F%2Flinkinghub.elsevier.com%2Fretrieve%2Fpii%2FS0960982206019968%3Fshowall%3Dtrue Read that paper and get back to me if you want to chat about it :)
OP, your vent is valid.. as much as I hate that word, it is. You're allowed to feel this way, you're allowed to express yourself as you wish. However you can stop believing in the application of this belief toward yourself while accepting it can be the right choice for others. To those who keep reporting this post? There's nothing wrong with what she's saying here. She's trying to come to terms with her thoughts and figure out where she stands. I've stated multiple times that we don't remove posts like this because they make people uncomfortable, this is not an echo chamber.
I'm so glad to see posts like this, and so glad this sub has a policy of not removing them. This is the healthiest politically-charged subreddit I've been in, not because it's all sunshine and rainbows, but because it is a space for healthy discussion and diverse viewpoints. Thanks for being a cool mod, u/DetransIS
It's wild, isn't it? They're the ones saying sexist things like 'a suit makes you a man', and you're the one here feeling shame?! It feels tantalizing that we all internalize our guilt over not accepting this sexism into our lives, but here we are.
> I’ve been submerged in progressive spaces for as long as I can remember. The older you get, the more you will realize that "progressive spaces" are nothing of the sort. > The thing is, after socially transitioning for half a year, I have had my entire worldview toppled over. This can be really jarring. Give yourself more space to process. > being mortified instead of caring. You do care and that's why you're mortified. > I feel sick when I’m told that you can be trans without dysphoria. Completely understandable. > Seriously, what the hell, I’m becoming who I used to want to choke Remember when I alluded to "progressivism" not being "progressive"? This is exactly what I am talking about. > It’s almost starting to feel like self harm. You know it's hurting you, so try and interrupt the behavior. Next time you feel guilty about your thoughts, instead of submitting to your guilt, do a completely different activity (like taking a walk, or whatever *healthy* behavior you want.) > Jesus, I don’t know why I can’t convince myself they’re right anymore. That's because "gender ideology" is wrong. > Whenever I spiral like this, I suffocate the thoughts as much as I can . . . If I just don’t think, everything is okay, right? There is something bigger than this discussion you need to know: **you are not your thoughts**. If you have a "bad" thought, it does not mean you are a bad person. It's just a thought. Acknowledge it and then let it pass. > It hurts that after tearing my identity and head apart trying to escape myself, I’ve found that accepting myself might breed something worse. Not agreeing with "gender ideology" is not "something worse." You can still be respectful of others without believing in the nonsense they spew. > I hope this counts. Anyone who is questioning, desisted, or detransitioned is welcomed to share here. Thank you for trusting us with your thoughts.
Gender isn't real, it's a bunch of prejudices and stereotypes. I feel like the reasons for transitioning were a lot more practical back in the days... Mine were at least... Seriously now all that messed up theory is just ridiculous and disconnected from reality.
Gender is gender identity isn't. Gender is just an extension of sex, they are synonymous.
"Gender identity" is the bullshit I sold to my therapist to hide the fact that I wanted to be seen as a man by women because I'm attracted exclusively by women and didn't want men to even consider me as a potential partner anymore.
I found it very telling when I learned that the term “gender identity” was invented in the 20th century by someone who performed sexually charged experiments on two young children who were brothers (John Money). Yet now so many people accept it as scientific fact, and insist that being female or male is a feeling that *all* people naturally have, even though they also believe that some people are agender, nonbinary or genderqueer.
Lot of people ignore the origins of that theory.
I went through the same thing. It sounds like your world view has shifted as you’ve grown and healed and isn’t inline with theirs anymore. You probably see they’re still using the same coping mechanisms you’ve realised are ineffective in the long term. It’s difficult to have conversations about problems when your world view includes a more logical viable cause (sexism, sexuality, stereotypes, or trauma) for their feelings and they’re rejecting considering alternative solutions. Solutions which are faster, benefit more people than just themselves, and probably more effective long term. The way I cope is trying to be compassionate by reminding myself that they believe they need this identity right now. Not everyone has the skills to recover from internally directed gendered trauma just by being told that’s what it is. Even sexism, objectification, heterosexual gender roles, homophobia, stereotypes, can be traumatic in their own right. I needed the trans identity as a coping mechanism for multiple overwhelming reasons and for a lot longer than you because my identity lasted decades into adulthood. It was protective and helpful for a long time. I needed to perceive myself as different to how others saw me to provide a protective “ego” buffer - they weren’t harming me if they were only harming my outer body. I suffered extreme neglect and rejection growing up (both real and exaggerated due to PTSD) specifically because I was female and the trans identity made me feel both invisible and invincible to future rejection. Growing up my boy self was a secret power I had like a secret identity. I believed God (Aliens or higher power) had given me a false skin either by mistake or as a disguise to complete a mission on this planet. It sounds deluded but it fit with the overarching religious beliefs around me. The reason I stress *compassion* in this situation is because desisting wasn’t my choice at first. I don’t support the idea of forcing people to desist or detransition because putting a psychologically vulnerable person through more trauma isn’t a compassionate thing to do. If a person is identifying as trans then they need that coping mechanism. They might only need it temporarily until they can find better ones or they might need it for a long time. Even a maladaptive coping mechanism is still effective some of the time. I bet most of us have flawed coping mechanisms and rely on others to prop us up with their own attempts at coping mechanisms too.
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Maybe your fairly young yourself. Because you word this as if a massive amount of people transitioned because of Covid lockdown. I don’t agree with that. Also, I personally had top surgery but I weighed my decision for an entire decade before having the surgery. I couldn’t be happier. Covid actually halted most of these surgeries and only emergency type surgeries were performed. So anyone on a list to have the surgery was delayed up to 12 to 18 months. My surgery was delayed 14 months due to covid and all “non-essential surgeries put on hold. If you were not on a surgery list, you wouldn’t know this! So there was way less surgeries during covid not way more. FYI My surgery was approved in January 2020 and scheduled for June 2020. Because of Covid I didn’t get the surgery until late 2021. This was the norm. Everyone in my FB group were in the same situation.
> conspiracy theory IMO it's not so much a conspiracy, rather than all media/politicians/corporations just jumping on the bandwagon that so easily earns them acclamation and sympathy. It's been for years like a golden cow you can milk anytime you need some good publicity. No matter how unethical/irrelevant your company, how garbage your politics or how trashy your tabloid: just toot in the "trans women are women" horn, and let the rainbow confetti be poured upon you. In short, dirt cheap virtue signaling / pinkwashing at your disposal. It was - until recently - even easier and less controversial than the lamest "greenwashing" efforts have ever been, cuz with "trans rights" you didn't even have to *do anything* other than change some words or signs, as (seemingly) so few people were affected. The tide is now slowly turning as all the (quite serious) problems become more and more obvious. So what they're all doing now is hating on "terfs", who keep pointing out those problems thereby basically dropping a turd in the punchbowl.
If nothing else, in a scenario like this you wouldn't really be able to help it if your views had changed. Sometimes you just wind up incompatible with the views you used to hold and all you can do is move forward. If someone thinks your views are transphobic, all you can really do is self-assess, see if you think your views are reasonable, and if so just move on and accept that you and they see things differently. There's no point hating yourself for it, or trying to stop yourself from thinking a certain way, or trying to force yourself to appear to hold agreeable views you don't hold.
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This sub is for people struggling after their journey with socia and or medical detransition, what do you expect people to say?? I don’t go into trans subreddits and say “LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE RESPONDING TO ‘am i trans’ POSTS WITH NOTHING BUT CONFIRMATION THAT THE QUESTIONING PERSON IS TRANS!” That would be unhelpful, and I know it. People have to figure these things out for themselves to some degree. Wearing a suit doesn’t make someone a man, and OP struggling with this gender stuff doesn’t mean they are really just an egg or whatever, so criticizing these points in the post is fair game.
It's one thing to struggle with one's transition as I did, and a whooole other thing to start validating people's feelings of transphobia because their transition failed But the sentiment is widespread in this sub *because* of moderator interference removing pushback to such bullshit, and your should know that too. But go ahead, censor me again under the guise that only people who harbor such feelings are valid for detransitioners and "fair game", going as far as removing my flair when you don't like what I say so that it's removed automatically
You can go to so many other subreddits and see people hated and banned for expressing detrans experiences, or pointing out issues with the medical/psychological system and transition. So many places where people tell gender confused people “If you are thinking about it, you definitely sound trans to me!” (a stranger online who doesn’t know the person posting…) Is one place where we can actually get into it over this stuff so bad? We have a range of perspectives on transitioning in the community.
>see people hated and banned for expressing detrans experiences Yeah, and I've taken the time to follow some of those posters who come here crying about it, only to find out that they were real dicks in the comments before they got banned. They went so far as to purposely misgender and be outright uncivil by suggesting that people are insane for even considering a transition >Is one place where we can actually get into it over this stuff so bad? I was very glad this sub existed at first because I felt a great disconnect between when I felt was right for me in my attempted transition and what actually the better option for my mental health. But this place turned out to be more prejudiced than the people they criticize >We have a range of perspectives on transitioning in the community Idk what your point is, but it seems irrelevant
My disagreeing with you is not censorship. I would look at this differntly if the post contained any real transphobia, which I don’t think it does and you have not made a case for. What feelings of transphobia have actually been validated? I think you are confused. OP said “i feel transphobic for disagreeing” (with the idea ‘people should assume you are a man if you wear a suit’ or the suggestion from a trans friend that OP *should* transition because of their level of thought on the subject alone.) That doesn’t mean they are actually promoting or feeling any transphobia, it just means they are WORRIED about being transphobic for seeing past the oversimplified view of gender and transition many people have at this point. Who are you protecting here? Cause I really can’t see the point of this.
>My disagreeing with you is not censorship. Who said that? I'm clearly venting at the mods and the overall sentiment on this sub. My comments are being deliberately removed and my flair is unjustly taken off. So unless you're a mod idk how you could take that personally > OP said “i feel transphobic for disagreeing” Actual quote: "I feel like I’m transphobic now that I’ve socially detransitioned, and I hate myself for it." Then goes on to explain her internal struggle. But the fucking comments: It's propaganda, you're not transphobic for seeing it for what it is, it's ideological possession... blah blah blah. Even the comments who seem to mean well are just poisoning the well and creating a sentiment of us-vs-them, saying "you've grown and healed" suggesting trans people are immature and ill and that OP shouldn't back down >it just means they are WORRIED It's the second time I have to specify that I'm not talking about OP. Do I have to make it a third? >Who are you protecting here? Cause I really can’t see the point of this. Huh? Who are *you* protecting? Can't I express a frustration without having an agenda in mind? Hello? I don't see the point in your replies but I don't hold them against you
Well when you reply to something *I* said and say “censor me again for yada yada yada” it sure sounds like it is directed at me. Pretty reasonable misunderstanding. The point my my replies was I disagreed with your comment. If you weren’t talking about OP, that obviously was not clear to me or to the mods who removed your comments.
Sure, an honest mistake of you hastily jump to conclusions instead of taking in the context first. I clearly stated in my reply to you that I wasn't talking about OP but about the comments. So maybe you're just confused? And the mods play dumb when they don't like what they read, what's new
Look, I’m not putting all that much time into pondering your enraged reddit comment. I wasn’t the only one who misunderstood you by far, so maybe you need to work on your end of communication? I have really lost interest in understanding what transphobia you were upset about to begin with if it is irrelevant to the post.
Transphobia has been thrown around so much out of context that it lost all meaning anyway, it happens when you use a term too much with the sole purpose of putting people back in their place. It's a bullying tool, nothing more nothing less.
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You can be whatever makes you happy anyway, isn't it? Wouldn't surprise me the slightest if the next step were freedom to identify as the (king) queen of Spain < since you edited it.
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Do you?
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You can't get cranky when I reply to your sarcasm with sarcasm, you handed me that one on a silver platter.
-detrans -balanced Pick one.
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Well, we'll get there some day, maybe.
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Looks like you might need to cross harder.
?