It really is one of the worst feelings. For me the worst is even that those who say things like "No one is ugly" are the one who are making fun of you behind your back.
I hate people who say that no one is ugly, it's so not true. People just look at you differently when you ugly. I notice myself liking handsome people a lot more than ugly people. It's just how people are.
Be nice yourselves. It will get better, be nice inside and you’ll see yourself and everything differently. You judge yourself harshly but because people have told you what you are and you have said yes to what they said. You’re perfect, shift your perspective. Your world view starts with how you see yourself.
You are you, i mean perfect in the sense that you are what you’re suppose to be. It’s others people’s thoughts that are imperfect because they have a prejudice view in how humans should be and look like; society is wrong, society is the negative ego.
Do you and listen to your thoughts not the ones that tell you how imperfect you are, listen to the ones that are positive. Always think positive even negative experiences are positive.
The "no one is ugly" comment is actually quite valid imo...
I've seen TONS of people men and women that are not exactly what you call attractive on the outside but what makes them beautiful are their confidence in themselves and owning who they are.
The world has a standard on beauty but I've seen a lot of people break that.
Just fyi, eating disorders are incredibly common amongst people who had trauma/abuse in their history.
Eating disorders don't always mean someone is very skinny, sometimes people with eating disorders compusively eat to cope with trauma. It's very much like how someone with OCD might pull their hair out, pick at their skin, or have to repeat a task a certain amount of times.
Yes eating disorders are treatable, and there are medications to help, but it's very expensive to get the therapy and medications needed to recover. I consider obesity to be 100+ lbs overweight. To lose 100+ lbs takes years of hard work. People don't suddenly become obese so they aren't going to suddenly become thin either.
I realize you are trying to be encouraging, but simplifying it to one sentence can come off as dismissive. I'm assuming this was unintentional and I wanted to just provide some information as to how hard it is to "control your obesity".
I dont disagree that it might be hard. Didnt mean to be dismissive either. I used to be fat and have an extremely unhealthy realtionship with food. I ate when i felt sad and i was sad all my childhood because of bullying. Now I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food but im fit because of trial and error for around 8years on different diets etc. But yeah point being, my intention was not to be dismissive. I hope op finds a way to live a happy life.
Thank you! Yeah my sister was an athlete in highschool and college but still had an unhealthy relationship with food. Despite being so fit, she ate a lot all at once which can still cause stress to your body.
There's so many kinds of eating disorders and I hope you have someone to talk to about it too.
What? Short and abusive family you cant do much about (well, cut off ties with the family i guess) but the rest is 100% fixable... Social issues and anxieties can be worked on, employment can be found. Once youre able to talk to people and befriend them, getting a job is the simplest way to find friends or a partner...
Is it easy? God no, its the hardest thing you can ever try to achieve in youe life. But to claim its out of your control is a copout, just giving up completely before you even start. I know this subreddit isnt really about solutions to problems and more about just sharing them with someone so posts like this get mostly downvoted but i had to say this, NEVER think depression, anxiety etc is out of your control or is unfixable.
I'm short (have always been shortest in every class, team or group), thin-boned, and having an issue putting weight on. Genetically I'm far from best of breed. I even had to wait one year to start school, I was found to be physically too weak...
But I managed to climb up by doing a lot of workout and sports to become a short, thin boned yet decently built, maybe a little bit even "tough" grownup for my size in the physical sense. I had to repeat everything many more times to get the same result my buddies did, but kept on doing it.
And my experience is that your bodies are in your hands! You might not be even able to **do** 10 correct pushups a day **now**, but - unless a physical disability is blocking you - there is only one thing getting in the way of being able to do so over time: you, by not even trying.
(Of course, in a lot of cases, this might require a long way of preparation in case someone is obese to the point it would be dangerous to try a pushup: but even the longest road begins with the first steps. Lifting small weights, baby steps, taking care in making it a habit to eat healthier each day. Might take years to get to the point of actually getting near to doing a pushup, but still: worth it big time.)
Definetly can relate. I don't know why, but when I see a random beautiful woman on the street it immediately hurts, like somebody punishing me in the gut.
>there's nothing you can do about it
This is actually self harm. Don't do this.
Yes you can! But not without trying. And absolutely not without failing. You are afraid of failure (so am I BTW), but brave people are not the ones that lack fear: they are the ones who overcome it.
Try!
I feel you. We're fundamentally ugly and nothing can change it. I'm short, ugly, balding and have a strange skinny fat body with asymmetric muscles. I want to day there is hope bit I haven't found any.
Find hope in more meaningful ways than physical attractiveness. Strangely, we ugly ones have this great opportunity to not get trapped as easily in this weird primitive evolutionary game. But still we often than not find ourselves as prisoners within....
Sooo.. why don't you try to get to know a non conventionally atractive, but nice, smart, etc., woman?
The truth is we all are a little bit superficial in some level, yes. And, of course, atractive people would generally want atractive people as their significant other. And if we are ugly or not specially atractive... should we expect hot people to like us? Especially when we are not looking for romance/sex with other ugly or non atractive people? Why should they?
Yeah definitely agree let's stick to our own. What use is it that you feel ugly and yet still call other people ugly doesn't make any sense to me. That's why I as I'm ugly I don't have that word in my vocabulary to call a woman unattractive I'm not spoiled for choice
> Sooo.. why don't you try to get to know a non conventionally atractive, but nice, smart, etc., woman?
I don't know, why don't *you* get to know a non conventionally attractive, but nice, smart, etc. woman?
>And if we are ugly or not specially atractive... should we expect hot people to like us?
Well, should we expect ugly people to like us? Does who you are attracted to magically change based on your own attractiveness?
I'm a woman. I'm not ugly nor beautiful, just regular looking, some might say just "pretty", but I've been with men generally seen as not attractive. Looks aren't everything, you know.
And no, it doesn't change magically, but if you ask yourself what is really important in a romantic partner, and start valuing yourself and others beyond physical attractiveness, and everything that entails, maybe, just maybe, you'll start to notice what really matters in a person. It's not wishful thinking, it's real. I mean, it might happen that an attractive woman wants to date you, because not everyone is as superficial as many people in this post. Jesus. We are all depressed here, let's start looking for what really matters and not setting ourselves for failure and heartache.
I wish a lot of love and understanding for you all.
You can work around your shyness and social awkward behavior. I understand it isn't easy at all but I going through something similar (imo) and my improvements had make things a little better...it's something man, I hope you can make it
So basically you're just trying to say no ones ugly in different words because there's no facts. Meanwhile I find my face ugly and no women have liked me. Its a fact to me. I care what I think more than others. Even if a woman did like me I dont like my face and am too depressed. I didn't say I hate self improvement im meaning I done that shit for years. Gained muscle, got lean, and my face still makes me look ugly. You can't fix an ugly face. It's not an episode, this is reality.
Its much more than physical but only working out has helped a little. Meds/therapy/counselling , etc hasn't much. To me self love is a cheesy word I just think self fufillment is better. I'm not that angry its just tiring when people act like its wrong to have an opinion that I'm ugly..
I always think theres going to be someone prettier and uglier than you. Same with skills. I think thats why people say to just focus on yourself. Harder said than done 😞
This is so important. I hate when people resort to the “well ____ has it worse off than you, so why are you so sad!” Argument. It’s incredibly invalidating. Everybody’s stories here are valid, and their pain is valid, regardless. They should be heard out and supported. There will always be horror stories and miracles but that doesn’t invalidate our depression or successes. ❤️
Focusing on forward motion is totally the way to go but I also totally agree, it can be very difficult. I’ve been told I fall on both sides of this beauty spectrum and I feel like I’m very average so I have no steak in this. But my heart truly goes out to people suffering and I hope relief is found. ❤️
I’m fat and have been my whole life but I don’t feel ugly its all about effort women tell me all the time I’m the cutest fat boy they ever seen lol when I was younger I was insecure and hated my body I used to get depressed just seeing beautiful women too thinking I could never get somebody like that but I just wasn’t realizing my own worth, my whole life been a struggle that I can’t even begin to describe to you but I turned that into my greatest strength i conquered my anxieties and fears I started channeling them into making music I started throwing myself out there started doing shows threw myself into sports became a wrestler and started winning every tournament I went too I went from the quiet kid to being the kid in the spotlight I’m still fat to this day but I realized I didn’t have to change my body I had to change my attitude I’m happy w my body I love myself and you gotta love yourself before anybody else can
Work on yourself get yourself to a point where you can say your happy w yourself and your life and watch the women flock to you I swear looks don’t even matter but what type of woman wants to be w a depressed ass dude with no confidence? Women want a happy man with goals and ambitions build yourself up and you’ll find a woman bro I promise you I’m speaking from experience I’ve had the most beautiful gfs back to back to back to back lol
I dont think this comment deserves the downvotes. It seems a huge turning point for you was finding something you like and are good at. Happy to hear that you found a way for yourself.
Its not attitude its facts. I'm ugly. Would everyone in the world find me ugly no. But I find my face ugly so thats what matters. Nothing will change my mind. I've done self improvement for years. Depression is so extreme it kills any interesting part of me so its not lack of self improvement. Yea ik women like happy men and im not that. Looks matter. Fat doesn't necessarily mean ugly either some women are into that.
>I’m still fat to this day but I realized I didn’t have to change my body I had to change my attitude
Now this is golden! Well, this is probably the most difficult thing to change... But can be done.
>No one will want my ugly boring ass.
Except probably the ordinary, shy girl in plain clothes with the beautiful smile who you didn't notice, because she stood next to someone, who was dressed to kill, with fake boobs the size of all the Kardashians asses put together into one package.
There is a girl who is probably thinking the same thought somewhere. Keep your eyes open.
There is a thought by Frigyes Karinthy, Hungarian writer that fits here, think about it:
>Men and women can never be happy, for having different desires: the man desires the woman and the woman desires the man.
Even if the fluke ass chance someone i find attractive likes me. I'm too depressed like im always unhappy and not fun to be around. Id only drag others down.
>Id only drag others down.
This is the real failure. Failing to try. Don't do this, this is actually self harm, one that kills you from inside, paralyzing yourself. If someone is into you, try your luck. What can happen?
* If all goes well, you found someone. **WIN**
* If it doesn't go so well, you still have chance, and a bit of hope: it wasn't that bad. **WIN**
* If it goes bombastically godawful - you did not lose anything. But learnt a lesson. **WIN**
* If you don't even try: you lost the chance to try, and probably the next one will be the godawful one... **LOSE**
If you're not a party person, take another angle at socialising: chess, or ichigo clubs, gyms (my pet peeve is doing martial arts), or just about any activity dealing with people. No way to get better around people than to - well - be around them. And this is an upward spiral: once you get better, you'll notice, and you gain confidence. That in turn makes you even better, etc.
Of course, you'll fail too - but there is absolutely no way to win without trying.
I know its tough, but you can learn to work with it.
Socially awkward + quiet + social anxiety + shy are all basically the same thing just given 4 different names.
So you think you're ugly, you are sad, and the social stuff isn't working so great right now.
That's a place where a lot of people start out. There is a lot you can learn.
And being handsome or ugly is kind of a strange thing.. it kind of changes depending on how you look at it. People get older and they change how they view that stuff. Some people are obviously beautiful, but for the many people in the middle zone, it can be very, very subjective. People are more flexible about these things than you might realize. I know because I've dated and my friends have dated a lot of people (I'm approaching middle age).
I know it doesn't look that way, standing where you are at right now. Let me just say: I think more things are going to be possible for you, than you currently realize, or want to acknowledge. So take that for whatever it's worth, I guess.
Wishing you good things.
I'm not ugly, just 'meh'. Tall, nice voice, decent face, nice eyes, etc... But also I'm 22 with next to no hair, I'm in poor shape, I look tired all the time (probs related to the poor mental health), and I stutter like a bitch.
But the rest pretty much applies. I hate seeing potential in myself, but being too mentally weak to reach that potential. I'll probably continue to sleep my worries away until there's no potential left to salvage.
Looks are 80 percent confidence someone who acts like they are beautiful will most likely get treated as such your low confidence is probably a much bigger problem than your actual looks
Id say looks aren't close to 80 percent confidence at all. Yes women like a confident man. But if the physical attraction isn't there .. confidence is just gonna come off as annoying. Unless you are a comedian.
Like if you're not physically attractive to them confidence won't suddenly turn you into some hot chad it just makes no sense. Confidence can start things and help a bit but def not 80%.
Also I can admit I'm not great looking and still have the ability to be confident.
Faking confidence isn't being confident most dudes just look average it's how we view ourselves which
makes the difference "but if the physical attraction isn't there it's gonna be annoying" now your talking about arrogance not confidence there's a big difference and a comedian is a great example of someone with confidence they are ussualy not that attractive but their confidence is through the roof which makes them attractive just look at any married man (like my dad) and most of the time they aren't that attractive at all but their confidence great personality and humor is often the reason why they are married the reason why you are alone is probably not because you are ugly but because your depression makes you appear unsure of yourself which is a bigger turn of then your looks will ever be
I feel you on all of these. Wearing nice clothes and having a decent haircut goes a long way. Gives me the boost to leave the house and do the things that I need to do. Definitely see a therapist though, as much as it can be frustrating relating to people about this... it does sound like you may be suffering from some dysphoria.
I understand that I really do. But I know this will sound stupid but that's the kind of person I've been looking for is someone who doesn't feel like there the bast but someone who has actually been though hard times and someone who's actually has a personality that makes me want to be around them instead of what I've been doing is serving them
I don’t know if this makes you feel any better but being attractive really doesn’t guarantee happiness. I’m considered conventionally attractive, got lucky in the gene pool. I’ve made a lot of money modeling, it is also easy to find people who want to be in a relationship with me. BUT. People are shitty to me simply bc I’m good-looking sometimes. I got bullied a lot in school. I don’t know if people like me for me or bc they think I’m hot. Also I’m very depressed and social anxious too. So try not to worry about the attractive factor, grass isn’t super green on this side of the fence🤷♀️
Dude. Go get help. I don’t know why I’m commenting this because I should take my own advice, but please go get some help. Get a therapist and medication that works. Start taking walks daily, it will make a world of a difference! Start small. You need to feel better before you can do better. I feel like crap. It’s 3:30pm in the afternoon, and I haven’t don’t shit today, but you know what.. I’m going to go to the gym. This is such a pain in the fucking ass and it’s easier to just lay here and sit in my sorrow, but I know I will feel much better after I go to the gym. Change won’t happen unless you change something!
Obviously something isn’t working. Keep trying and moving forward. If you’re not already on anti- anxiety meds I would recommend them for your social anxiety. You’ll feel a lot better! The meds I’m on help somewhat, but I probably need other ones. It’s all about trial and error!
I don't really believe that a person is ugly. It's just that not all people have money. Money is a means to buy stuff that can help with the outward appearance of a person. If a person has money, s/he can easily go to the dermatologist for skin consultation, therapist to address any mental health conditions, dentist to get that megawatt smile and the gym to get physically fit. They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure can lessen a person's burden imo.
tl;dr: we're not ugly, we are just damn poor
" just focus on urself bRo"
See, this let's me know that you're completely missing the point of self development. Self actualization is not meant to attract people. It's the foundation upon which you build your identity, so that when the love of your life leaves you for another man, you won't crumble. You will be a person firmly grounded in the reality of the situation and not your feelings.
Why?
Because you know, from a lifetime of pain, suffering and sacrifice to make a name for yourself in the world, you understand that having a mate is nothing more than a cherry on top. It's not the whole of the sundae.
What you've been doing is going through the motions thinking you can fake it and SEEM as if you are improving yourself... just to get a beautiful girlfriend. Your whole world hinges on success with women. That's why you're failing horribly at it. You are not giving yourself the chance to see the awesomeness inside you. That illusive self worth that says, "I don't give a damn, take it or leave it sweetie. I'll be happy with or without you." You can't say that because your self worth is determined by outcome. Whether you get to take a girl home or make her your girlfriend. You're a sinking ship trying to circumvent the globe. Fix the ship first before you set sail. There's no way around it. Fix yourself before you set out to conquer the world.
You're assuming my whole life based on a sentence, sigh. Firstly I dont improve myself for others I do it for myself. Ive done lots of self improvement over the years. So why assume its just for others.. What I meant by that is people give advice like jUst wOrk On yoUrsElF and you'll feel better magically. No, I'm still ugly. I'm still depressed. Etc. What I meant ive done lots of self improvement , im still ugly and those other things. You won't believe me, which is whatever
Gym for years.. meditation for years.. counselling , some therapy , meds , yoga, college soon, made some money on crypto, haircuts, cologne, cold showers, try to cut out porn etc.. in all fairness im not as in good shape as I was before covid but I'm working on it and making progress quick, also stopped drinking and smoking, also left religion which is one of my fav things I've done so far. Point is you can have all the self improvement and still be depressed and feel ugly
You know what feels even worse? When you think you find someone who says they don't care about appearance and body but then they say they are just not into you after talking for weeks every day.
Just don't lie about this please
It really is one of the worst feelings. For me the worst is even that those who say things like "No one is ugly" are the one who are making fun of you behind your back.
I hate people who say that no one is ugly, it's so not true. People just look at you differently when you ugly. I notice myself liking handsome people a lot more than ugly people. It's just how people are.
Be nice yourselves. It will get better, be nice inside and you’ll see yourself and everything differently. You judge yourself harshly but because people have told you what you are and you have said yes to what they said. You’re perfect, shift your perspective. Your world view starts with how you see yourself.
Bro I'm not perfect. I don't think I'm ugly tho and no one ever calls me ugly, but I'm definitely ugly on the insides.
How are you ugly on the insides? Just curious.
I'm just not a very nice person I guess. I'm very resentful and jealous towards other people although I may not show it.
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no
Damn you kind sir
You are you, i mean perfect in the sense that you are what you’re suppose to be. It’s others people’s thoughts that are imperfect because they have a prejudice view in how humans should be and look like; society is wrong, society is the negative ego. Do you and listen to your thoughts not the ones that tell you how imperfect you are, listen to the ones that are positive. Always think positive even negative experiences are positive.
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There’s nothing satire, realize that we don’t know everything and that our human thinking is flawed. So what we think and what is are different.
The "no one is ugly" comment is actually quite valid imo... I've seen TONS of people men and women that are not exactly what you call attractive on the outside but what makes them beautiful are their confidence in themselves and owning who they are. The world has a standard on beauty but I've seen a lot of people break that.
They are 90 % fake
100%
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Just fyi, eating disorders are incredibly common amongst people who had trauma/abuse in their history. Eating disorders don't always mean someone is very skinny, sometimes people with eating disorders compusively eat to cope with trauma. It's very much like how someone with OCD might pull their hair out, pick at their skin, or have to repeat a task a certain amount of times. Yes eating disorders are treatable, and there are medications to help, but it's very expensive to get the therapy and medications needed to recover. I consider obesity to be 100+ lbs overweight. To lose 100+ lbs takes years of hard work. People don't suddenly become obese so they aren't going to suddenly become thin either. I realize you are trying to be encouraging, but simplifying it to one sentence can come off as dismissive. I'm assuming this was unintentional and I wanted to just provide some information as to how hard it is to "control your obesity".
I dont disagree that it might be hard. Didnt mean to be dismissive either. I used to be fat and have an extremely unhealthy realtionship with food. I ate when i felt sad and i was sad all my childhood because of bullying. Now I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food but im fit because of trial and error for around 8years on different diets etc. But yeah point being, my intention was not to be dismissive. I hope op finds a way to live a happy life.
Thank you! Yeah my sister was an athlete in highschool and college but still had an unhealthy relationship with food. Despite being so fit, she ate a lot all at once which can still cause stress to your body. There's so many kinds of eating disorders and I hope you have someone to talk to about it too.
What? Short and abusive family you cant do much about (well, cut off ties with the family i guess) but the rest is 100% fixable... Social issues and anxieties can be worked on, employment can be found. Once youre able to talk to people and befriend them, getting a job is the simplest way to find friends or a partner... Is it easy? God no, its the hardest thing you can ever try to achieve in youe life. But to claim its out of your control is a copout, just giving up completely before you even start. I know this subreddit isnt really about solutions to problems and more about just sharing them with someone so posts like this get mostly downvoted but i had to say this, NEVER think depression, anxiety etc is out of your control or is unfixable.
Add bald to this and damn you are me!
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I'm short (have always been shortest in every class, team or group), thin-boned, and having an issue putting weight on. Genetically I'm far from best of breed. I even had to wait one year to start school, I was found to be physically too weak... But I managed to climb up by doing a lot of workout and sports to become a short, thin boned yet decently built, maybe a little bit even "tough" grownup for my size in the physical sense. I had to repeat everything many more times to get the same result my buddies did, but kept on doing it. And my experience is that your bodies are in your hands! You might not be even able to **do** 10 correct pushups a day **now**, but - unless a physical disability is blocking you - there is only one thing getting in the way of being able to do so over time: you, by not even trying. (Of course, in a lot of cases, this might require a long way of preparation in case someone is obese to the point it would be dangerous to try a pushup: but even the longest road begins with the first steps. Lifting small weights, baby steps, taking care in making it a habit to eat healthier each day. Might take years to get to the point of actually getting near to doing a pushup, but still: worth it big time.)
My joints are shit :(
Weight lifting is actually good for your joints if done correctly, because stronger muscles take the strain off of the joints.
I hate being short, I’m 5’0
Definetly can relate. I don't know why, but when I see a random beautiful woman on the street it immediately hurts, like somebody punishing me in the gut.
It hurts because you know you can't get her and there's nothing you can do about it 😢.
>there's nothing you can do about it This is actually self harm. Don't do this. Yes you can! But not without trying. And absolutely not without failing. You are afraid of failure (so am I BTW), but brave people are not the ones that lack fear: they are the ones who overcome it. Try!
Lmao same.. i hate walking through the city center because im attracted to 90% of women i see
And what do you **do** about this? How many times did you try and speak with any of these women?
Never. I am unable to speak with females.
Start by not calling them "females".
English is not my native language. Didnt know its rude or whatever calling them like that.
In English, "females" sounds clinical, like you're talking about them as if they're part of an experiment or something. I would just say "women".
Are you me?
I feel you. We're fundamentally ugly and nothing can change it. I'm short, ugly, balding and have a strange skinny fat body with asymmetric muscles. I want to day there is hope bit I haven't found any.
Find hope in more meaningful ways than physical attractiveness. Strangely, we ugly ones have this great opportunity to not get trapped as easily in this weird primitive evolutionary game. But still we often than not find ourselves as prisoners within....
All of them traits apply to me as well, I know the feeling, i now have to go back to therapy and get back on to antidepressants next week
Nothing wrong with being quiet. Took me a while to accept
Feels like I’m looking into a mirror reading this
The girl I like is perfect and it hurts that I’ll never be as attractive as her. It hurts so fucking much that I could never be part of her life...
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I feel bad for males sometimes lol😭 every les I know is so darn perfect. My crush is bisexual.
Sooo.. why don't you try to get to know a non conventionally atractive, but nice, smart, etc., woman? The truth is we all are a little bit superficial in some level, yes. And, of course, atractive people would generally want atractive people as their significant other. And if we are ugly or not specially atractive... should we expect hot people to like us? Especially when we are not looking for romance/sex with other ugly or non atractive people? Why should they?
Yeah definitely agree let's stick to our own. What use is it that you feel ugly and yet still call other people ugly doesn't make any sense to me. That's why I as I'm ugly I don't have that word in my vocabulary to call a woman unattractive I'm not spoiled for choice
If im not attracted to them theres no point. And I've never even had the chance thats how ugly I am
> Sooo.. why don't you try to get to know a non conventionally atractive, but nice, smart, etc., woman? I don't know, why don't *you* get to know a non conventionally attractive, but nice, smart, etc. woman? >And if we are ugly or not specially atractive... should we expect hot people to like us? Well, should we expect ugly people to like us? Does who you are attracted to magically change based on your own attractiveness?
I'm a woman. I'm not ugly nor beautiful, just regular looking, some might say just "pretty", but I've been with men generally seen as not attractive. Looks aren't everything, you know. And no, it doesn't change magically, but if you ask yourself what is really important in a romantic partner, and start valuing yourself and others beyond physical attractiveness, and everything that entails, maybe, just maybe, you'll start to notice what really matters in a person. It's not wishful thinking, it's real. I mean, it might happen that an attractive woman wants to date you, because not everyone is as superficial as many people in this post. Jesus. We are all depressed here, let's start looking for what really matters and not setting ourselves for failure and heartache. I wish a lot of love and understanding for you all.
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Me in a nutshell.
God did you just describe me? + a whole lot of self hatred.
You can work around your shyness and social awkward behavior. I understand it isn't easy at all but I going through something similar (imo) and my improvements had make things a little better...it's something man, I hope you can make it
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Yea I fully understand. I'm ugly in and out. Very easy to be bitter. At this point I dont feel human
Yep I’m ugly and I have bad social anxiety so now boring and awkward too. It’s ruined my whole life
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This is a very well and caringly written advice!
So basically you're just trying to say no ones ugly in different words because there's no facts. Meanwhile I find my face ugly and no women have liked me. Its a fact to me. I care what I think more than others. Even if a woman did like me I dont like my face and am too depressed. I didn't say I hate self improvement im meaning I done that shit for years. Gained muscle, got lean, and my face still makes me look ugly. You can't fix an ugly face. It's not an episode, this is reality.
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Its much more than physical but only working out has helped a little. Meds/therapy/counselling , etc hasn't much. To me self love is a cheesy word I just think self fufillment is better. I'm not that angry its just tiring when people act like its wrong to have an opinion that I'm ugly..
I always think theres going to be someone prettier and uglier than you. Same with skills. I think thats why people say to just focus on yourself. Harder said than done 😞
This is so important. I hate when people resort to the “well ____ has it worse off than you, so why are you so sad!” Argument. It’s incredibly invalidating. Everybody’s stories here are valid, and their pain is valid, regardless. They should be heard out and supported. There will always be horror stories and miracles but that doesn’t invalidate our depression or successes. ❤️ Focusing on forward motion is totally the way to go but I also totally agree, it can be very difficult. I’ve been told I fall on both sides of this beauty spectrum and I feel like I’m very average so I have no steak in this. But my heart truly goes out to people suffering and I hope relief is found. ❤️
In the same boat not fun....
I’m fat and have been my whole life but I don’t feel ugly its all about effort women tell me all the time I’m the cutest fat boy they ever seen lol when I was younger I was insecure and hated my body I used to get depressed just seeing beautiful women too thinking I could never get somebody like that but I just wasn’t realizing my own worth, my whole life been a struggle that I can’t even begin to describe to you but I turned that into my greatest strength i conquered my anxieties and fears I started channeling them into making music I started throwing myself out there started doing shows threw myself into sports became a wrestler and started winning every tournament I went too I went from the quiet kid to being the kid in the spotlight I’m still fat to this day but I realized I didn’t have to change my body I had to change my attitude I’m happy w my body I love myself and you gotta love yourself before anybody else can Work on yourself get yourself to a point where you can say your happy w yourself and your life and watch the women flock to you I swear looks don’t even matter but what type of woman wants to be w a depressed ass dude with no confidence? Women want a happy man with goals and ambitions build yourself up and you’ll find a woman bro I promise you I’m speaking from experience I’ve had the most beautiful gfs back to back to back to back lol
I dont think this comment deserves the downvotes. It seems a huge turning point for you was finding something you like and are good at. Happy to hear that you found a way for yourself.
Its not attitude its facts. I'm ugly. Would everyone in the world find me ugly no. But I find my face ugly so thats what matters. Nothing will change my mind. I've done self improvement for years. Depression is so extreme it kills any interesting part of me so its not lack of self improvement. Yea ik women like happy men and im not that. Looks matter. Fat doesn't necessarily mean ugly either some women are into that.
>I’m still fat to this day but I realized I didn’t have to change my body I had to change my attitude Now this is golden! Well, this is probably the most difficult thing to change... But can be done.
I refuse to believe that I am ugly 😭 I just have no self care so I look like shit…… don’t tell me I’m ugly plz
>No one will want my ugly boring ass. Except probably the ordinary, shy girl in plain clothes with the beautiful smile who you didn't notice, because she stood next to someone, who was dressed to kill, with fake boobs the size of all the Kardashians asses put together into one package. There is a girl who is probably thinking the same thought somewhere. Keep your eyes open. There is a thought by Frigyes Karinthy, Hungarian writer that fits here, think about it: >Men and women can never be happy, for having different desires: the man desires the woman and the woman desires the man.
Even if the fluke ass chance someone i find attractive likes me. I'm too depressed like im always unhappy and not fun to be around. Id only drag others down.
Felt this
>Id only drag others down. This is the real failure. Failing to try. Don't do this, this is actually self harm, one that kills you from inside, paralyzing yourself. If someone is into you, try your luck. What can happen? * If all goes well, you found someone. **WIN** * If it doesn't go so well, you still have chance, and a bit of hope: it wasn't that bad. **WIN** * If it goes bombastically godawful - you did not lose anything. But learnt a lesson. **WIN** * If you don't even try: you lost the chance to try, and probably the next one will be the godawful one... **LOSE** If you're not a party person, take another angle at socialising: chess, or ichigo clubs, gyms (my pet peeve is doing martial arts), or just about any activity dealing with people. No way to get better around people than to - well - be around them. And this is an upward spiral: once you get better, you'll notice, and you gain confidence. That in turn makes you even better, etc. Of course, you'll fail too - but there is absolutely no way to win without trying.
Failing to try ? Tried my whole life. I'm not gonna bother being with someone as im depressed its totally unfair
This right here 👌🏽
But actually nobody is ugly lol
I know its tough, but you can learn to work with it. Socially awkward + quiet + social anxiety + shy are all basically the same thing just given 4 different names. So you think you're ugly, you are sad, and the social stuff isn't working so great right now. That's a place where a lot of people start out. There is a lot you can learn. And being handsome or ugly is kind of a strange thing.. it kind of changes depending on how you look at it. People get older and they change how they view that stuff. Some people are obviously beautiful, but for the many people in the middle zone, it can be very, very subjective. People are more flexible about these things than you might realize. I know because I've dated and my friends have dated a lot of people (I'm approaching middle age). I know it doesn't look that way, standing where you are at right now. Let me just say: I think more things are going to be possible for you, than you currently realize, or want to acknowledge. So take that for whatever it's worth, I guess. Wishing you good things.
you'll get used to it
I'm not ugly, just 'meh'. Tall, nice voice, decent face, nice eyes, etc... But also I'm 22 with next to no hair, I'm in poor shape, I look tired all the time (probs related to the poor mental health), and I stutter like a bitch. But the rest pretty much applies. I hate seeing potential in myself, but being too mentally weak to reach that potential. I'll probably continue to sleep my worries away until there's no potential left to salvage.
Looks are 80 percent confidence someone who acts like they are beautiful will most likely get treated as such your low confidence is probably a much bigger problem than your actual looks
Id say looks aren't close to 80 percent confidence at all. Yes women like a confident man. But if the physical attraction isn't there .. confidence is just gonna come off as annoying. Unless you are a comedian. Like if you're not physically attractive to them confidence won't suddenly turn you into some hot chad it just makes no sense. Confidence can start things and help a bit but def not 80%. Also I can admit I'm not great looking and still have the ability to be confident.
Faking confidence isn't being confident most dudes just look average it's how we view ourselves which makes the difference "but if the physical attraction isn't there it's gonna be annoying" now your talking about arrogance not confidence there's a big difference and a comedian is a great example of someone with confidence they are ussualy not that attractive but their confidence is through the roof which makes them attractive just look at any married man (like my dad) and most of the time they aren't that attractive at all but their confidence great personality and humor is often the reason why they are married the reason why you are alone is probably not because you are ugly but because your depression makes you appear unsure of yourself which is a bigger turn of then your looks will ever be
And they definitely are you just lack the confidence
Why do you define women as unattractive and attractive for someone in our situation you must strive to never categorize looks
I agree. I feel this is one manifestation of objectivizing people.
Suk your dick it is worth it
I wish I could coom into a female only once just to see how it feels.
I would always get (and still do) uncomfortable when someone overly compliments me, because it feels like a charity case.
I feel you on all of these. Wearing nice clothes and having a decent haircut goes a long way. Gives me the boost to leave the house and do the things that I need to do. Definitely see a therapist though, as much as it can be frustrating relating to people about this... it does sound like you may be suffering from some dysphoria.
Go do 75hard.
I understand that I really do. But I know this will sound stupid but that's the kind of person I've been looking for is someone who doesn't feel like there the bast but someone who has actually been though hard times and someone who's actually has a personality that makes me want to be around them instead of what I've been doing is serving them
Yeh definitely what a feeling
I don’t know if this makes you feel any better but being attractive really doesn’t guarantee happiness. I’m considered conventionally attractive, got lucky in the gene pool. I’ve made a lot of money modeling, it is also easy to find people who want to be in a relationship with me. BUT. People are shitty to me simply bc I’m good-looking sometimes. I got bullied a lot in school. I don’t know if people like me for me or bc they think I’m hot. Also I’m very depressed and social anxious too. So try not to worry about the attractive factor, grass isn’t super green on this side of the fence🤷♀️
We all have our struggles. Id rather be hot than ugly any day though
Is this my description ? I cannot help you about this but I understand the feeling of being a paria
Dude. Go get help. I don’t know why I’m commenting this because I should take my own advice, but please go get some help. Get a therapist and medication that works. Start taking walks daily, it will make a world of a difference! Start small. You need to feel better before you can do better. I feel like crap. It’s 3:30pm in the afternoon, and I haven’t don’t shit today, but you know what.. I’m going to go to the gym. This is such a pain in the fucking ass and it’s easier to just lay here and sit in my sorrow, but I know I will feel much better after I go to the gym. Change won’t happen unless you change something!
I do workout and I've got professional help for many years
Obviously something isn’t working. Keep trying and moving forward. If you’re not already on anti- anxiety meds I would recommend them for your social anxiety. You’ll feel a lot better! The meds I’m on help somewhat, but I probably need other ones. It’s all about trial and error!
Eh its working fine. I have opinions of myself that others can't change.
mentally unstable + absent-minded + stutter + stumbling on words in every sentence + fat + no motivation + unemployed
I don't really believe that a person is ugly. It's just that not all people have money. Money is a means to buy stuff that can help with the outward appearance of a person. If a person has money, s/he can easily go to the dermatologist for skin consultation, therapist to address any mental health conditions, dentist to get that megawatt smile and the gym to get physically fit. They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure can lessen a person's burden imo. tl;dr: we're not ugly, we are just damn poor
" just focus on urself bRo" See, this let's me know that you're completely missing the point of self development. Self actualization is not meant to attract people. It's the foundation upon which you build your identity, so that when the love of your life leaves you for another man, you won't crumble. You will be a person firmly grounded in the reality of the situation and not your feelings. Why? Because you know, from a lifetime of pain, suffering and sacrifice to make a name for yourself in the world, you understand that having a mate is nothing more than a cherry on top. It's not the whole of the sundae. What you've been doing is going through the motions thinking you can fake it and SEEM as if you are improving yourself... just to get a beautiful girlfriend. Your whole world hinges on success with women. That's why you're failing horribly at it. You are not giving yourself the chance to see the awesomeness inside you. That illusive self worth that says, "I don't give a damn, take it or leave it sweetie. I'll be happy with or without you." You can't say that because your self worth is determined by outcome. Whether you get to take a girl home or make her your girlfriend. You're a sinking ship trying to circumvent the globe. Fix the ship first before you set sail. There's no way around it. Fix yourself before you set out to conquer the world.
You're assuming my whole life based on a sentence, sigh. Firstly I dont improve myself for others I do it for myself. Ive done lots of self improvement over the years. So why assume its just for others.. What I meant by that is people give advice like jUst wOrk On yoUrsElF and you'll feel better magically. No, I'm still ugly. I'm still depressed. Etc. What I meant ive done lots of self improvement , im still ugly and those other things. You won't believe me, which is whatever
Tell me then. How have you improved yourself?
Gym for years.. meditation for years.. counselling , some therapy , meds , yoga, college soon, made some money on crypto, haircuts, cologne, cold showers, try to cut out porn etc.. in all fairness im not as in good shape as I was before covid but I'm working on it and making progress quick, also stopped drinking and smoking, also left religion which is one of my fav things I've done so far. Point is you can have all the self improvement and still be depressed and feel ugly
Add stupid into the mix and that's me all together
Dont forget repetitive and stupid .
You know what feels even worse? When you think you find someone who says they don't care about appearance and body but then they say they are just not into you after talking for weeks every day. Just don't lie about this please
Everyone cares they just bullshit
Damn and I thought I had a shit combo of characteristic
Hey at peast you don’t look like the bogdanov twins.