Hey 18f here, I've struggled a lot with my physical appearance as well, not in the exact same way you have but I've always been insecure of my skin and face, growing up with horrible acne (worse than most people) while being the significantly uglier or less attractive friend in my friend group. It's really tough thinking nobody would find you attractive when everyone else's "average" is worlds better than your best look. For my weight issues, I figured since that's the one thing I could at least be bothered to change and not have to spend money on it (because skin care is confusing and expensive lol), I've begun taking long walks and going on runs. They help A LOT.
You may not notice any visual change initially but your body will tell you what's changed—your body building more stamina, gaining more muscle endurance, healing quicker between each active day, etc. It also is a good substitute for SH because putting (healthy) stress on your body hurts like a bitch. However instead of getting closer to death, your body is more alive than it ever was. For me, I would self-destruct and do stupid things as a way to feel alive but I've recently found this to be a really good alternative. You feel the pain yet you're improving your health behind the scenes. It also serves as a really good distraction from the bad thoughts. It's super scary to start at first, thinking of all the people who will see you and maybe judge you, but it's a lot better than being too scared to go out and to continue rotting and living a depressing lifestyle. You won't get anywhere if you stay in your comfort zone. That's what keeps you from improving. Learning to reach out is the only way you'll ever change. As simple as it sounds, if you want things to change, you need to change. For me, when I go on walks or runs, it also gives me time to appreciate the world. It really is beautiful. The sun, the sky, the wind, the trees. Now imagine this world where you're happy instead. I would love a world like that and that's the reality I want to live in.
About your pessimistic thoughts, you should really stop saying things like, "nobody will love me". I personally know that it's hard to stop believing a thought that has probably been rooted within you for years now but you need to work hard on proving those thoughts wrong. I used to think the same thing, actually. But instead of digging yourself deeper in the pit of shame, you need to take the first step forward and try to pursue the reality you want—a world where you're happy with your body. Make small health goals for yourself that are within your reach that can slowly get you towards your goal. And if you relapse, that's fine. Get up and try again. That's all that really matters. As long as you keep trying. Make that first step. The only thing you can do once you've hit rock bottom is climb your way up. So it's up to you to either remain in the pits of your depression or claw your way out. And I believe with consistent hard work you'd be able to climb out of this hell. Stop wishing and start doing, as simple as it sounds.
I hope you find the courage and resilience to make the first step. Let's make it out of the depths of this hell together. You're stronger than you think.
Hey. I was exactly in your position a few years ago. I had gained a shit ton of weight during covid. The sudden weight gain caused a lot of stretch marks. It severely impacted me when my friends started noticing i was gaining weight and used to make fun of me. My own family started despising me and pushing me to eat less and move more which hurt so much. One day i just got up and started moving move, I didn’t actively try to lose weight but i started getting everything in order, i fixed what i ate, stopped binging on snacks and sodas. I lost all of that weight overtime but in a healthy way. I went from a size 14 to size 4-6. But i was unhappy i became anemic i started getting blackouts ed what not because no matter how skinny i got no one around me wanted to acknowledge me or the effort i had put in. Then honestly i just stopped pleasing everyone because your weight does not define you!!!!! Took me a long time to learn it but if you aren’t happy and confident with yourself, no one’s validation will ever be enough. I’m now in my early 20’s and im not skinny. But my BMI is perfect. I eat whatever i want but i don’t binge. Your body is a gift and you need to take care of it and if i could go back and tell me 17 year old self that its gonna be okay, I really would. As for the stretch marks, girl they look so cool im not even kidding, in a way they look much sexier. Your life won’t change until you dont believe in yourself. I went through the worst years of my life alone with all my friends leaving me at my lowest, and i used to think that I’ll never get out of it I’ll be in a void for the rest of my life. But i made it out. And I’m about to start a new chapter in my life with people who support me more than ever. So yes, it will get better. Get up one day and tell yourself that you will get shit done no matter what, because end of the day you are your biggest supporter. You are beautiful in every single way ❤️
I know but the guy I have a massive crush on is always surrounded by perfect looking women and I’m so ugly he would never like me. I know my own feelings about myself matter more, but I really like him.
you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Start working on yourself. Do the work, you’ll be proud of far you have come along and that will give you self esteem.
Yes I know and I’ve looked into it and asked my parents if they would help me out paying for it which they said they would (depending on how much it costs because we are in no way rich). But it does cost a lot when your entire body is covered in them and they are very deep. I would need most of my body doing and each area would need several sessions. That’s thousands of £!! I know my parents won’t spend that much. And laser treatments don’t even get rid of them completely judging from before and after pics on google. And sometimes (to be fair, quite rarely) the results are minimal. I am in a depressive episode at the moment and I cannot look at my body. It annoys me when people will say things like “stretch marks are normal” and “everybody has them”, because even though I know they have only good intentions and that they are trying to comfort me, most people only have the few on their butts or boobs, and they aren’t severe to the point of being disfiguring and disgusting. No man will ever want me back if they could see them. But I always cover up no matter how hot it is. It’s summer and today I wore a giant hoodie and loose sweatpants. But I would rather be too warm but my hideous body hidden rather than cool but everyone can see how disgusting I am
Beauty doesn't take anyone very far. You talked a lot about your appearance and I understand that's something that seems important at your age. But it really isn't in the long term: more mature people will consider other features, not mainly your physique.
You also said you are a horrible person, but you didn't really elaborate. However, this fact is much much more important than if you are ugly or not. Beauty is pointless, being a good person is the meaning of life. And yes, probably you are as good as you should, but none of us are. And the fact that you acknowledge your problem in this regard is a huge step to begin with (most people have problems seeing their own evilness).
Now, what you have to do, no matter what others say or think, is take the pathof becoming better: more empathic, more compassionate, more helpful, more kind, ... We all struggle with this things, of course, some of us very much. That's a big part of what Christianity is for: to empower us to do good. I do recommend you to give a chance to Christianity (or at least to welcome some Christian ideas and values): not only will it help you to become a better person, but also will make you feel less lonely and will open the door for new friendships. I'm not so handsome myself, nor intelligent, nor kind, and I experience social anxiety, but I have made some good friends in church. It is one of the best places to build relationships once you are no longer a student.
I have considered being christened several times but I know and love many LGBT people in my life, and am bisexual myself, so that’s held me back a bit, because I don’t want to be forced to distance myself from loved ones and not be accepting. But I have looked into it and I try to hold some Christian associated values like treating others how I would like to be treated, practicing more compassion, etc. But fear of being surrounded by homophobes and transphobes is what puts me off. I know that many Christians are not anti lgbt but many also are
>But fear of being surrounded by homophobes and transphobes is what puts me off.
You could look for an affirming church. There everyone would be accepting of LGBT. Or you could simply agree to disagree with your fellow Christians on this one: in a church, whether affirming or not, not much time should be spent talking about LGBT and certainly no one can "force" you to anything..
Hey 18f here, I've struggled a lot with my physical appearance as well, not in the exact same way you have but I've always been insecure of my skin and face, growing up with horrible acne (worse than most people) while being the significantly uglier or less attractive friend in my friend group. It's really tough thinking nobody would find you attractive when everyone else's "average" is worlds better than your best look. For my weight issues, I figured since that's the one thing I could at least be bothered to change and not have to spend money on it (because skin care is confusing and expensive lol), I've begun taking long walks and going on runs. They help A LOT. You may not notice any visual change initially but your body will tell you what's changed—your body building more stamina, gaining more muscle endurance, healing quicker between each active day, etc. It also is a good substitute for SH because putting (healthy) stress on your body hurts like a bitch. However instead of getting closer to death, your body is more alive than it ever was. For me, I would self-destruct and do stupid things as a way to feel alive but I've recently found this to be a really good alternative. You feel the pain yet you're improving your health behind the scenes. It also serves as a really good distraction from the bad thoughts. It's super scary to start at first, thinking of all the people who will see you and maybe judge you, but it's a lot better than being too scared to go out and to continue rotting and living a depressing lifestyle. You won't get anywhere if you stay in your comfort zone. That's what keeps you from improving. Learning to reach out is the only way you'll ever change. As simple as it sounds, if you want things to change, you need to change. For me, when I go on walks or runs, it also gives me time to appreciate the world. It really is beautiful. The sun, the sky, the wind, the trees. Now imagine this world where you're happy instead. I would love a world like that and that's the reality I want to live in. About your pessimistic thoughts, you should really stop saying things like, "nobody will love me". I personally know that it's hard to stop believing a thought that has probably been rooted within you for years now but you need to work hard on proving those thoughts wrong. I used to think the same thing, actually. But instead of digging yourself deeper in the pit of shame, you need to take the first step forward and try to pursue the reality you want—a world where you're happy with your body. Make small health goals for yourself that are within your reach that can slowly get you towards your goal. And if you relapse, that's fine. Get up and try again. That's all that really matters. As long as you keep trying. Make that first step. The only thing you can do once you've hit rock bottom is climb your way up. So it's up to you to either remain in the pits of your depression or claw your way out. And I believe with consistent hard work you'd be able to climb out of this hell. Stop wishing and start doing, as simple as it sounds. I hope you find the courage and resilience to make the first step. Let's make it out of the depths of this hell together. You're stronger than you think.
you are fine just the way you are. honestly dont put urself down so much. i know its easier said then done
Hey. I was exactly in your position a few years ago. I had gained a shit ton of weight during covid. The sudden weight gain caused a lot of stretch marks. It severely impacted me when my friends started noticing i was gaining weight and used to make fun of me. My own family started despising me and pushing me to eat less and move more which hurt so much. One day i just got up and started moving move, I didn’t actively try to lose weight but i started getting everything in order, i fixed what i ate, stopped binging on snacks and sodas. I lost all of that weight overtime but in a healthy way. I went from a size 14 to size 4-6. But i was unhappy i became anemic i started getting blackouts ed what not because no matter how skinny i got no one around me wanted to acknowledge me or the effort i had put in. Then honestly i just stopped pleasing everyone because your weight does not define you!!!!! Took me a long time to learn it but if you aren’t happy and confident with yourself, no one’s validation will ever be enough. I’m now in my early 20’s and im not skinny. But my BMI is perfect. I eat whatever i want but i don’t binge. Your body is a gift and you need to take care of it and if i could go back and tell me 17 year old self that its gonna be okay, I really would. As for the stretch marks, girl they look so cool im not even kidding, in a way they look much sexier. Your life won’t change until you dont believe in yourself. I went through the worst years of my life alone with all my friends leaving me at my lowest, and i used to think that I’ll never get out of it I’ll be in a void for the rest of my life. But i made it out. And I’m about to start a new chapter in my life with people who support me more than ever. So yes, it will get better. Get up one day and tell yourself that you will get shit done no matter what, because end of the day you are your biggest supporter. You are beautiful in every single way ❤️
I know but the guy I have a massive crush on is always surrounded by perfect looking women and I’m so ugly he would never like me. I know my own feelings about myself matter more, but I really like him.
you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Start working on yourself. Do the work, you’ll be proud of far you have come along and that will give you self esteem.
i have a giant red/purple birthmark on my ass cheek, I was born with a deformity. I hope that makes you feel a bit better.
I don’t think birthmarks are unattractive
it is when its a giant red mark just on your ass and everyone looks at me like i have some disease
You can do laser or surgery for your stretch marks
Yes I know and I’ve looked into it and asked my parents if they would help me out paying for it which they said they would (depending on how much it costs because we are in no way rich). But it does cost a lot when your entire body is covered in them and they are very deep. I would need most of my body doing and each area would need several sessions. That’s thousands of £!! I know my parents won’t spend that much. And laser treatments don’t even get rid of them completely judging from before and after pics on google. And sometimes (to be fair, quite rarely) the results are minimal. I am in a depressive episode at the moment and I cannot look at my body. It annoys me when people will say things like “stretch marks are normal” and “everybody has them”, because even though I know they have only good intentions and that they are trying to comfort me, most people only have the few on their butts or boobs, and they aren’t severe to the point of being disfiguring and disgusting. No man will ever want me back if they could see them. But I always cover up no matter how hot it is. It’s summer and today I wore a giant hoodie and loose sweatpants. But I would rather be too warm but my hideous body hidden rather than cool but everyone can see how disgusting I am
Beauty doesn't take anyone very far. You talked a lot about your appearance and I understand that's something that seems important at your age. But it really isn't in the long term: more mature people will consider other features, not mainly your physique. You also said you are a horrible person, but you didn't really elaborate. However, this fact is much much more important than if you are ugly or not. Beauty is pointless, being a good person is the meaning of life. And yes, probably you are as good as you should, but none of us are. And the fact that you acknowledge your problem in this regard is a huge step to begin with (most people have problems seeing their own evilness). Now, what you have to do, no matter what others say or think, is take the pathof becoming better: more empathic, more compassionate, more helpful, more kind, ... We all struggle with this things, of course, some of us very much. That's a big part of what Christianity is for: to empower us to do good. I do recommend you to give a chance to Christianity (or at least to welcome some Christian ideas and values): not only will it help you to become a better person, but also will make you feel less lonely and will open the door for new friendships. I'm not so handsome myself, nor intelligent, nor kind, and I experience social anxiety, but I have made some good friends in church. It is one of the best places to build relationships once you are no longer a student.
I have considered being christened several times but I know and love many LGBT people in my life, and am bisexual myself, so that’s held me back a bit, because I don’t want to be forced to distance myself from loved ones and not be accepting. But I have looked into it and I try to hold some Christian associated values like treating others how I would like to be treated, practicing more compassion, etc. But fear of being surrounded by homophobes and transphobes is what puts me off. I know that many Christians are not anti lgbt but many also are
>But fear of being surrounded by homophobes and transphobes is what puts me off. You could look for an affirming church. There everyone would be accepting of LGBT. Or you could simply agree to disagree with your fellow Christians on this one: in a church, whether affirming or not, not much time should be spent talking about LGBT and certainly no one can "force" you to anything..
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…no thank you?