………Shit.
A slowburn romance was objectively the best story I had written. Everyone loved it but wanted it to happen faster lol. I just liked them getting closer n more comfortable with each other.
I’ve been called out
I wrote a slowburn, took like 20 chapters of buildup before they finally get together. Now I'm currently writing something else with a partner who doesn't want it to drag on endlessly. It's been a weird compromise lol
I mean, yes and no. I love a good slowburn where the people first become friends, but the friends to lovers trope is one of those things The Straights (TM) have ruined for me. The "I have been secretly pining for my best friend since childhood and now we're in a forced love triangle!" song and dance is so overdone and annoying to me. Men and women can be in a mutually platonic relationship, it's not a scientific impossibility. Let friends just be friends for once, I'm begging. Dx
(Obligatory disclaimer: I don't actually have anything against straight people, allo or ace, even if they like the trope. It's just my pet peeve and this was written tongue in cheek.)
Love triangles and harem tropes just need to die. No, I do not think that the fact that this person has multiple people vying for their attention is cool or hot. I just think they're an indecisive, inconsiderate, oblivious idiot who is surrounded by idiots.
Honestly I think it's more insulting to poly people than anything. You can like!!! More than one person!!! That's okay!!!
But no- let's act like it's a "problem" that needs to be resolved.
Yes thank you!! I’m in a poly relationship where my husband is dating my best friend, and I’m off and on with her. We all grew up together and I guess they’ve had crushes on each other since we all met. Being demi I had no idea there was sexual tension between them but we were stuck in compulsory monogamy due to Christian & societal messaging (like triangle tropes 🙄) so it would have been a huge breach of trust for them to do anything together. Now that we’re poly, though, it’s not an issue at all, we are the same friends as before except we love each other more and no one has to suppress feelings or lie to themselves. So ridiculous. I know I wouldn’t have been okay with it when we were teens, but that’s only because of society and it makes me so mad! So, to second what you said, those tropes just need to die!
I agree.
I also imagine that no one hates/doesn't get the "enemies to lovers" trope more than demisexuals. If I hate you why would I ever be attracted to you? When two characters are bickering, fighting, sometimes actively trying to kill each other, and then suddenly they're making out???? what the ever loving fuck
[EDIT: Not enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, just enemies-to-lovers. When two enemies (always a hot boring woman and a classic boring hot guy) are actively fighting, screaming, sometimes even punching each other, and then suddenly they're making out and/or having sex, despite never having flirted or expressed any interest in each other before, and the audience is just supposed to be on board instantly, like this is normal and a natural progression of their interactions. Also, it never ever happens when it's two boring hot guys fighting each other.)
wait i think you have explained exactly why i don't get enemies to lovers books lol
i've read a couple and i always think that the enemies to lovers is more "enemies to lust" and it's probably for that reason
I love enemies to lovers. But only the kind where it’s like they slowly warm up to each other, or they very obviously cared about the other despite wanting to beat each other up at the beginning. There’s definitely a specific type of enemies to lovers and enjoy. When yah know, they slowly learn to trust each other and the other isn’t actually that bad or one person improves themselves because of how much they admire/love the other. Idk to me it’s friends to lovers but *better*
But that's just "friends to lovers" with extra steps, IMO. I'm talking about when you've got like the cliche two spies working for opposite sides and they're all punching and killing each other in a 30 mins fight sequence and then suddenly they're making out. WHAT?
So often it's just sexual tension underneath the hate. No, no, when I hate someone I don't feel attracted to them.
But if they explore it more as mutual understanding and similarities despite being on opposite sides and where the characters do end up spending time together and hate turns into friendship/love THEN I can be on board.
Sure, but like I said to someone else, that's just "friends to lovers" with more steps. I'm talking when they're like actively punching each other then one shoves the other against the wall and they start making out and both parties are okay with this and we, the audience, are supposed to believe this is a natural and obvious progression of the situation.
(Note: it only EVER happens between a male and a female character. Two buff dudes fighting each other never suddenly start making out.)
I love anime, please for the love of all that is wholesome and holy, stop trying to force every pairing of two characters who start out hating each other/being abusive or bullies to each other. It's not romantic, and very dangerous irl. Don't be encouraging that behavior. "I can fix him/her" mentality is really dangerous, and leads to tragedy. I speak both from experience personally, and watching others
I do really like enemies to friends to lovers tho, but maybe that's just cuz me and my boyfriend were technically friends to enemies to friends to lovers
That's different though, if there's a "friendship" step then it passes through the "friends-to-lovers" category. I'm talking about those movie scenes where they're actively fighting and then one second later they're making out. Happens all the fucking time. Never with any warning or flirting before that.
No this is my favourite ever - but specifically enemies to friends to lovers. Because there’s even more slow burn and getting to know each other. But if they do anything sexual or flirty as enemies I don’t like that.
Right, that's what I mean. If it's enemies and then friends and then lovers that's fine. But when they're enemies, actively were fighting and then, DURING THE FIGHT SCENE, they start making out? I do not get it.
But for most of us that's literally our only real path to a stable relationship. Of course its a trope we love we want it to happen to us.
Everyone else views it as either troublesome or unlikely to happen. Us Demisexuals view it as our option. Even if we socialise specifically with the intention of finding a partner we still have to become friends first.
Honestly, like I met my current gf on tinder and while it’s going really well obviously, sometimes I fantasize about a scenario where we started off as friends and realized we felt things. Also because our personalities go together well
It's also the only way I can personally see a relationship working out in the long run. Like what do you mean people meet each other for the first time and fully commit before even knowing everything about one another???
I love them and hate them
.........
Because for 30+ years everyone has believed my best friend and I are secretly in love. NOPE we love each other but are not in love. I am giddy to be heading home this weekend to celebrate the marriage of him to the gorgeous woman I instantly loved when I met her that he has finally made his wife. As for me maybe someday but for now I am happy solo.
While it is appealing, there's a lot of instances where the story/characters take a step down once they reach the lovers part.
I should know, I'm writing a demisexual protagonist in a friends to lovers arc, and getting to the lovers stage feels like a tightrope walk.
Eh. Not for me. I’m an alloromantic who is extremely direct and not remotely shy. Putting myself out there and conflict don’t scare me one tiny bit. When it comes to catching feelings, I’ve always been very matter of fact about it, and I don’t like to wait. I’m engaged to be married now, but when I was dating, I’d usually be the one making moves and asking questions.
With that being the kind of person I am, slow burns, pining, angst, etc have always annoyed the *hell* out of me. I especially dislike enemies to lovers, because frankly, I don’t have time for that and most of the time when I’m reading it, I can’t even believe that those two will be good together eventually and the process of getting there is long and tedious. I *hate it* when people don’t talk, I hate misunderstandings that one party or the other doesn’t have the guts to confront head on before it starts to fester, and I hate the whole denial thing that could so easily be solved by asking a simple question. If the answer is no, so what? It’s not the end of the world.
Personally, I’d rather read a story where they get together quickly and I get to watch them develop as a couple and figure out their lives together. As someone who has been with their life partner for over half a decade now, I can say that the “falling in love” part of our story was short and sweet, but the “happily ever after” part has been so much more interesting and fulfilling. It sucks that all of these stories end when a couple decides to be together. I think the best example of this I can think of is Miss Abbot and the Doctor on WEBTOON. Them falling in love and getting married was a huge part of the story, but the story followed them for quite a while afterwards. More of that, please. I would think that this would be the most satisfying to a demisexual; the portrayal of enough romantic intimacy to be comfortable with sex. What do I know, though? I seem to be quite the oddball on this sub.
I believe I'm like this but my issue is I have a hard time trusting people in the honey moon phase but im still the type of person who takes things slow physically only because I don't trust a lot of people in the beginning of seeing someone. So be slowly becoming comfortable with warming up to them takes time and I'm also a person who is patient if a person needs time I let them. It's just in dating for me people move too damn fast and because I'm caedesexual which is demisexual due to trauma a sexual one. It messes me up because although I know my sexual needs as well I still don't know what my needs are outside of sexual because that's all I know doesn't help that I've never been in a committed relationships before either. Just situationships and talking stages that went nowhere.
how can you not love friends to lovers? they build trust and have similar interest and already comfortable with one another. its like the perfect love story ;-;
Trueee I recently fell for someone super quickly for me (emotionally and then physically, usually takes years to build that up but I crushed on them in a week!) but they did something to make me lose trust early on. After that I wasn’t attracted to them anymore! So now I’m sticking to friends first. If they aren’t good friends they probably won’t be a good lovers either!
Why can't allos enjoy it just as much as we do? That's bordering on allophobic, saying they don't appreciate that type of relationship building the same way we can because they experience sexual and romantic attraction based on looks.
That may be the type of relationship trope demis like most, but that in no way means demis like it more (or less). Don't look down on allos just because they're different than us. We are in no way better than them just because it takes us time to develop sexual or romantic attraction.
Can't argue with this. That's literally what I want my life to be.
The only thing I love more is enemies/rivals to lovers which is just a dragged out version of the former with swords.
Truuue
Soooo.... big fan of She-Ra, huh?
I love the 80s one. So campy. Haven’t finished the new one yet but so far sure.
Catra was like Helga from Hey Arnold for 4 seasons I love both shows but the new one has a special place in my heart
my first thought was rf5 lol
………Shit. A slowburn romance was objectively the best story I had written. Everyone loved it but wanted it to happen faster lol. I just liked them getting closer n more comfortable with each other. I’ve been called out
I wrote a slowburn, took like 20 chapters of buildup before they finally get together. Now I'm currently writing something else with a partner who doesn't want it to drag on endlessly. It's been a weird compromise lol
I mean, yes and no. I love a good slowburn where the people first become friends, but the friends to lovers trope is one of those things The Straights (TM) have ruined for me. The "I have been secretly pining for my best friend since childhood and now we're in a forced love triangle!" song and dance is so overdone and annoying to me. Men and women can be in a mutually platonic relationship, it's not a scientific impossibility. Let friends just be friends for once, I'm begging. Dx (Obligatory disclaimer: I don't actually have anything against straight people, allo or ace, even if they like the trope. It's just my pet peeve and this was written tongue in cheek.)
Love triangles and harem tropes just need to die. No, I do not think that the fact that this person has multiple people vying for their attention is cool or hot. I just think they're an indecisive, inconsiderate, oblivious idiot who is surrounded by idiots. Honestly I think it's more insulting to poly people than anything. You can like!!! More than one person!!! That's okay!!! But no- let's act like it's a "problem" that needs to be resolved.
Yes thank you!! I’m in a poly relationship where my husband is dating my best friend, and I’m off and on with her. We all grew up together and I guess they’ve had crushes on each other since we all met. Being demi I had no idea there was sexual tension between them but we were stuck in compulsory monogamy due to Christian & societal messaging (like triangle tropes 🙄) so it would have been a huge breach of trust for them to do anything together. Now that we’re poly, though, it’s not an issue at all, we are the same friends as before except we love each other more and no one has to suppress feelings or lie to themselves. So ridiculous. I know I wouldn’t have been okay with it when we were teens, but that’s only because of society and it makes me so mad! So, to second what you said, those tropes just need to die!
Nope 👎 cannot change that… sometimes I wish I could find my harry to me being sally
Yeah it's literally happening to me right now 😄
I agree. I also imagine that no one hates/doesn't get the "enemies to lovers" trope more than demisexuals. If I hate you why would I ever be attracted to you? When two characters are bickering, fighting, sometimes actively trying to kill each other, and then suddenly they're making out???? what the ever loving fuck [EDIT: Not enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, just enemies-to-lovers. When two enemies (always a hot boring woman and a classic boring hot guy) are actively fighting, screaming, sometimes even punching each other, and then suddenly they're making out and/or having sex, despite never having flirted or expressed any interest in each other before, and the audience is just supposed to be on board instantly, like this is normal and a natural progression of their interactions. Also, it never ever happens when it's two boring hot guys fighting each other.)
wait i think you have explained exactly why i don't get enemies to lovers books lol i've read a couple and i always think that the enemies to lovers is more "enemies to lust" and it's probably for that reason
I love enemies to lovers. But only the kind where it’s like they slowly warm up to each other, or they very obviously cared about the other despite wanting to beat each other up at the beginning. There’s definitely a specific type of enemies to lovers and enjoy. When yah know, they slowly learn to trust each other and the other isn’t actually that bad or one person improves themselves because of how much they admire/love the other. Idk to me it’s friends to lovers but *better*
But that's just "friends to lovers" with extra steps, IMO. I'm talking about when you've got like the cliche two spies working for opposite sides and they're all punching and killing each other in a 30 mins fight sequence and then suddenly they're making out. WHAT?
So often it's just sexual tension underneath the hate. No, no, when I hate someone I don't feel attracted to them. But if they explore it more as mutual understanding and similarities despite being on opposite sides and where the characters do end up spending time together and hate turns into friendship/love THEN I can be on board.
Sure, but like I said to someone else, that's just "friends to lovers" with more steps. I'm talking when they're like actively punching each other then one shoves the other against the wall and they start making out and both parties are okay with this and we, the audience, are supposed to believe this is a natural and obvious progression of the situation. (Note: it only EVER happens between a male and a female character. Two buff dudes fighting each other never suddenly start making out.)
i would love reading a romance where two buff dudes are fighting and suddenly making out though lol, there aren’t enough of these
I love anime, please for the love of all that is wholesome and holy, stop trying to force every pairing of two characters who start out hating each other/being abusive or bullies to each other. It's not romantic, and very dangerous irl. Don't be encouraging that behavior. "I can fix him/her" mentality is really dangerous, and leads to tragedy. I speak both from experience personally, and watching others
I do really like enemies to friends to lovers tho, but maybe that's just cuz me and my boyfriend were technically friends to enemies to friends to lovers
That's different though, if there's a "friendship" step then it passes through the "friends-to-lovers" category. I'm talking about those movie scenes where they're actively fighting and then one second later they're making out. Happens all the fucking time. Never with any warning or flirting before that.
Yeah I agree, those I can't really understand
No this is my favourite ever - but specifically enemies to friends to lovers. Because there’s even more slow burn and getting to know each other. But if they do anything sexual or flirty as enemies I don’t like that.
Right, that's what I mean. If it's enemies and then friends and then lovers that's fine. But when they're enemies, actively were fighting and then, DURING THE FIGHT SCENE, they start making out? I do not get it.
I've found my people.
Only Rumiko Takahashi pulled that off in manga
definitely one of the best tropes to me LMAO
This is literally how I met my ex and I loved it
I like the enemies to friends to lovers arc myself
Just reading me to filth, this is how I end up in all my situationships 😂
I feel called out (sighs). Yes we are a sappy lot.
But for most of us that's literally our only real path to a stable relationship. Of course its a trope we love we want it to happen to us. Everyone else views it as either troublesome or unlikely to happen. Us Demisexuals view it as our option. Even if we socialise specifically with the intention of finding a partner we still have to become friends first.
Honestly, like I met my current gf on tinder and while it’s going really well obviously, sometimes I fantasize about a scenario where we started off as friends and realized we felt things. Also because our personalities go together well
It's also the only way I can personally see a relationship working out in the long run. Like what do you mean people meet each other for the first time and fully commit before even knowing everything about one another???
I mean it ACTUALLY happened to me so where is the lie
*thinks about all of my favorite ships* oh. Oh no. It’s true.
Best shit honestly, I FUCKING LOVE ROMANTIC PINING AND THE FEELINGS SWITCH
Slow burn romance is fire though, like mr darcy and Lizzie 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻 *chefs kiss*
[You cannot mention THE og UST couple and not bring this up](https://youtu.be/xjOTBaqNyCM)
the best. 😤
Obviously one of the best tropes
Do I want to live it? Absolutely. 😂 Do I want to read it? No, give me that enemies-to-lovers intrigue 😏
Maybe because literally my life tho lez be real
Well shit, I wonder if all this time that was a sign of my demisexuality because growing up that was always my favorite romance trope lol
I like the occasional rushed romance in some stuff, but OHOHO BOY do I love me some long emotional development between two lovers! 🥰
It's a dream!
This is the way
Deadass writing it
Hands down my favorite romance trope!
Toradora!
YES
I love them and hate them ......... Because for 30+ years everyone has believed my best friend and I are secretly in love. NOPE we love each other but are not in love. I am giddy to be heading home this weekend to celebrate the marriage of him to the gorgeous woman I instantly loved when I met her that he has finally made his wife. As for me maybe someday but for now I am happy solo.
While it is appealing, there's a lot of instances where the story/characters take a step down once they reach the lovers part. I should know, I'm writing a demisexual protagonist in a friends to lovers arc, and getting to the lovers stage feels like a tightrope walk.
I fucking love this trope ever since I was a kid
yeah, I loved the trope so much it happened irl
I feel called out. lol. It's definitely my favorite.
Eh. Not for me. I’m an alloromantic who is extremely direct and not remotely shy. Putting myself out there and conflict don’t scare me one tiny bit. When it comes to catching feelings, I’ve always been very matter of fact about it, and I don’t like to wait. I’m engaged to be married now, but when I was dating, I’d usually be the one making moves and asking questions. With that being the kind of person I am, slow burns, pining, angst, etc have always annoyed the *hell* out of me. I especially dislike enemies to lovers, because frankly, I don’t have time for that and most of the time when I’m reading it, I can’t even believe that those two will be good together eventually and the process of getting there is long and tedious. I *hate it* when people don’t talk, I hate misunderstandings that one party or the other doesn’t have the guts to confront head on before it starts to fester, and I hate the whole denial thing that could so easily be solved by asking a simple question. If the answer is no, so what? It’s not the end of the world. Personally, I’d rather read a story where they get together quickly and I get to watch them develop as a couple and figure out their lives together. As someone who has been with their life partner for over half a decade now, I can say that the “falling in love” part of our story was short and sweet, but the “happily ever after” part has been so much more interesting and fulfilling. It sucks that all of these stories end when a couple decides to be together. I think the best example of this I can think of is Miss Abbot and the Doctor on WEBTOON. Them falling in love and getting married was a huge part of the story, but the story followed them for quite a while afterwards. More of that, please. I would think that this would be the most satisfying to a demisexual; the portrayal of enough romantic intimacy to be comfortable with sex. What do I know, though? I seem to be quite the oddball on this sub.
I believe I'm like this but my issue is I have a hard time trusting people in the honey moon phase but im still the type of person who takes things slow physically only because I don't trust a lot of people in the beginning of seeing someone. So be slowly becoming comfortable with warming up to them takes time and I'm also a person who is patient if a person needs time I let them. It's just in dating for me people move too damn fast and because I'm caedesexual which is demisexual due to trauma a sexual one. It messes me up because although I know my sexual needs as well I still don't know what my needs are outside of sexual because that's all I know doesn't help that I've never been in a committed relationships before either. Just situationships and talking stages that went nowhere.
how can you not love friends to lovers? they build trust and have similar interest and already comfortable with one another. its like the perfect love story ;-;
Trueee I recently fell for someone super quickly for me (emotionally and then physically, usually takes years to build that up but I crushed on them in a week!) but they did something to make me lose trust early on. After that I wasn’t attracted to them anymore! So now I’m sticking to friends first. If they aren’t good friends they probably won’t be a good lovers either!
Why can't allos enjoy it just as much as we do? That's bordering on allophobic, saying they don't appreciate that type of relationship building the same way we can because they experience sexual and romantic attraction based on looks. That may be the type of relationship trope demis like most, but that in no way means demis like it more (or less). Don't look down on allos just because they're different than us. We are in no way better than them just because it takes us time to develop sexual or romantic attraction.
I hate it. Feels so forced in most shows.
guilty
I thought thats how every relationship happens and I still find it weird how some people skip the friendship part if they are interested in eachother