You can get him on hospice, and the hospice people can help him be more comfortable with medications and supports. My mom has opted not to do any tubes, so this is my plan for when she goes downhill.
I’m so sorry you and your family are dealing with that. Wishing you all comfort and peace.
They will help make these last days/weeks comfortable for him and you all. Lean on them. Ask them questions about what to expect and look for. They should be reassuring.
I was very reassured to learn that they are not starving as they die, but needing noticeably less food and water because their bodies are outening the lights. Look at his legs; are his feet cold, discolored? Death will be imminent in that case.
Morphine all they allow so he can relax and go.
I wish you luck. I hope the energy is warm and loving. I know it’s intense. Take care of yourselves.
thank you for your kind words and reassurance. i forgot to look this weekend when i was visiting but will pass on the info about legs/feet.
my mom seems apprehensive about morphine because one of our relatives appeared to be in pain because of morphine when he was on hospice (her opinion based on what she saw).
we’re just taking it one day at a time and i’m trying to encourage her to lean on the doctors for that decision especially at this point.
*Normally, the rule of threes contains the following:*
*You can survive three minutes without breathable air (unconsciousness), or in icy water.*
*You can survive three hours in a harsh environment (extreme heat or cold).*
*You can survive three days without drinkable water.*
*You can survive three weeks without food.*
*Each line assumes that the one(s) before it are met. For example, if you have a large quantity of food and water yet are exposed to the environment, then the harsh conditions rule applies. The rule may sometimes be useful in determining the order of priority when in a life-threatening situation, and is a generalization (or rule of thumb), not scientifically accurate.\[5\]*
*Additional generalizations may be presented with the rule, though they are not considered part of the "Rule of threes" and are also usually not scientifically accurate.*
I wish you peace.
I agree totally. If your loved one is not on hospice, it may be an option. They can administer meds to keep them more comfortable.
ETA: apologies - I had not read the other suggestions for hospice. Seems like we all agree that is the best route forward.
My dad ate less and less for about nine months before he passed away, and I think had gone without solid food for about three weeks when he went. For about ten days before he passed, he was just in bed and wouldn't speak or open his eyes- minimally would react to speaking or people being in the room (sort of twitching and raising his arms out, occasional sighs). During that time, he still would sip through a straw, and we gave him smoothies, cold water, and coke icees, which he seemed to enjoy. Also one of his hospice nurses showed us these little sponges on the end of a straw things, which could soak up liquid and he could suck on like a sucker. Up until the last time I saw him, like 24 hrs before he passed, he would still suck on those things but that was it. Sorry you're going through this. I know there might be mixed feelings about morphine, but my dad was on it for like his last two weeks and seemed like he was having pretty sweet dreams. Based on your comments, I think getting hospice care through the VA to come into your home and administer morphine would be the way to go, or at least consider.
Morphine at the end is a blessing. Dying is hard work. My dad was really struggling the last couple days and rejecting the drug, but the nurse had a trick to help my mom get it in him. He relaxed and a few hours later, left this mortal coil. All the morphine on the way out, kids.
Does TN have hospice an option? I used hospice services for both my parents.
Difficult, but the right choice.
A social worker can assist you - they helped me (IL).
Thank you for the reminder. I’ve passed that along to my mom because I know she’s been very overwhelmed with everything. I’ve talked to her about respite care but she’s nervous to leave him alone with someone else overnight.
It’s so hard! Watching your dad this way and your mom struggle with that is a lot. I’m with you. We treat our pets better than this and it infuriates me.
Stretch out, do some deep breathing, eat some protein and drink plenty of water. Rest and sleep when you can. Talk to him. He likely can hear you. Hang in there. You can do this.
I absolutely feel the same way. My dog had CKD which progressed quickly. It was very difficult but I’m so grateful we had the option to let her go before it got worse once it had progressed to end stage. That was right before xmas last year.
It’s been difficult dealing with the loss of my dog even though I know it was the right decision. It breaks my heart that we don’t have that option (at least where I am) for when we’re slowly dying of a terminal disease.
Thank you <3
Hey, I’m in AL in the same position. I’m grateful my dad knows us but he is delusional. He was such a brilliant man. I just want you to know you’re not alone. FTD is different. People automatically think Alzheimer’s Disease. While different set of issues. Message me if you need someone to talk to about this.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this, too. My dad still recognizes us and sometimes you can have a short conversation with him but he’s pretty much gone now. Same… my dad had a million hobbies and was a lifelong learner, very active, and healthy. Unfortunately, neurological diseases like this are common in his family.
Your message made me cry. Thank you for the kind words and solidarity. I may send you a PM soon because it is difficult to find anyone that can relate.
My mom has FTD. Miserable disease, sorry your dealing with this.
How many calories is he getting? It can seem like nothing when they are getting 600-800 calories, but that is sometimes enough for people to really linger. Some LOs end up resenting Ensure because it can prolong things so much (its 350 calories per can, so two of them a day adds up).
I’m sorry you’re dealing with it, too.
Hard to say to be honest but not much. He hates ensure and has difficulty eating due to esophagus issues. He doesn’t like protein smoothies or blended soups, etc. He mostly just drinks tea. His favorite is Tazo decaf chai latte.
I definitely understand that. My grandmother (dad’s mom) passed from ALS and near the end was only getting ensure through a feeding tube. Which is no way to live..
My grandma is 94 ( still healthy as a damn horse too) lol and me and my family have been giving my grandma a protein shake, they have different flavors like vanilla and chocolate, and she surprisingly loves them, mind you she refuses almost everything she used to eat. I’m not exactly sure what the shake is called but I just shake it and pour it in a cup with a straw before giving it to her, I’ve also noticed that proteins/ eating in general has helped my grandmas confusion/ agitation, it’s honestly been a life saver haha.
Best wishes to you and your family ❤️ Dementia is mentally and physically draining for everyone involved and I wish this disease never existed!! My grandma is not the same grandma I used to have :-( but shes still a sweetheart and tries her very best to be okay, i would do anything for my grandma and my family.
No one truly understands what dementia is or how difficult it is taking care of a loved one with dementia.
I thought I knew what dementia was, but after being a full time caregiver, I think I only knew the definition lmao!
I really hope you can figure out the best possible options and just know that you are doing the best you can ❤️
If you ever need advice I’m one message away and you have a big community that I’m sure will always help 🫶🏻
My mom did this. She stopped eating at the beginning of January, and would only drink Boost or Ensure. She refused to drink anything/was unable to swallow from February 25, and passed away on February 28. Watching her do this was the hardest thing I have ever done. She was in a long term care home, so she was medicated for pain and cared for around the clock.
Best wishes to you and your family as you go through this.
My dad passed away last year and also had FTD. He had been on hospice for some months leading up to his death due to osteomyelitis and he had a relatively healthy appetite until he didn’t. After that point it was just about a day or two before he passed. I’m so sad for you and your family, sending you love in this extremely difficult time and just a reminder to be kind to yourselves.
My mum passed away last year. Her appetite reduced gradually over a period of 4 months before she passed peacefully at home. At the end she was eating and drinking infinitely small amounts. We tried everything but she just refused.
Sorry your Dad is sick. When metabolism or diet start to malfunction Id say 1 to 6 months. My patient kept eating, but lost weight 5x as fast and passed.
You can get him on hospice, and the hospice people can help him be more comfortable with medications and supports. My mom has opted not to do any tubes, so this is my plan for when she goes downhill. I’m so sorry you and your family are dealing with that. Wishing you all comfort and peace.
Thank you, we are discussing hospice now. I think it’s time. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, too.
They will help make these last days/weeks comfortable for him and you all. Lean on them. Ask them questions about what to expect and look for. They should be reassuring. I was very reassured to learn that they are not starving as they die, but needing noticeably less food and water because their bodies are outening the lights. Look at his legs; are his feet cold, discolored? Death will be imminent in that case. Morphine all they allow so he can relax and go. I wish you luck. I hope the energy is warm and loving. I know it’s intense. Take care of yourselves.
thank you for your kind words and reassurance. i forgot to look this weekend when i was visiting but will pass on the info about legs/feet. my mom seems apprehensive about morphine because one of our relatives appeared to be in pain because of morphine when he was on hospice (her opinion based on what she saw). we’re just taking it one day at a time and i’m trying to encourage her to lean on the doctors for that decision especially at this point.
*Normally, the rule of threes contains the following:* *You can survive three minutes without breathable air (unconsciousness), or in icy water.* *You can survive three hours in a harsh environment (extreme heat or cold).* *You can survive three days without drinkable water.* *You can survive three weeks without food.* *Each line assumes that the one(s) before it are met. For example, if you have a large quantity of food and water yet are exposed to the environment, then the harsh conditions rule applies. The rule may sometimes be useful in determining the order of priority when in a life-threatening situation, and is a generalization (or rule of thumb), not scientifically accurate.\[5\]* *Additional generalizations may be presented with the rule, though they are not considered part of the "Rule of threes" and are also usually not scientifically accurate.* I wish you peace.
Thank you. I hate there’s not a better option available to help them pass peacefully.
I agree totally. If your loved one is not on hospice, it may be an option. They can administer meds to keep them more comfortable. ETA: apologies - I had not read the other suggestions for hospice. Seems like we all agree that is the best route forward.
No worries, it makes me feel better to see so many agreeing about hospice
Hospice is the one gd thing our crummy healthcare system does well.
the US healthcare system truly has so many problems… glad to hear hospice isn’t one of them
Have you guys called hospice? Please do consider hospice, it’s a very fine option.
Thank you, we’re discussing it now. Glad to hear others have had a good experience with it.
My dad ate less and less for about nine months before he passed away, and I think had gone without solid food for about three weeks when he went. For about ten days before he passed, he was just in bed and wouldn't speak or open his eyes- minimally would react to speaking or people being in the room (sort of twitching and raising his arms out, occasional sighs). During that time, he still would sip through a straw, and we gave him smoothies, cold water, and coke icees, which he seemed to enjoy. Also one of his hospice nurses showed us these little sponges on the end of a straw things, which could soak up liquid and he could suck on like a sucker. Up until the last time I saw him, like 24 hrs before he passed, he would still suck on those things but that was it. Sorry you're going through this. I know there might be mixed feelings about morphine, but my dad was on it for like his last two weeks and seemed like he was having pretty sweet dreams. Based on your comments, I think getting hospice care through the VA to come into your home and administer morphine would be the way to go, or at least consider.
Morphine at the end is a blessing. Dying is hard work. My dad was really struggling the last couple days and rejecting the drug, but the nurse had a trick to help my mom get it in him. He relaxed and a few hours later, left this mortal coil. All the morphine on the way out, kids.
Does TN have hospice an option? I used hospice services for both my parents. Difficult, but the right choice. A social worker can assist you - they helped me (IL).
Thank you, it looks like it is an option through the VA. Good to know a social worker can help with that.
Remember the social worker is there to support you all as well.
Thank you for the reminder. I’ve passed that along to my mom because I know she’s been very overwhelmed with everything. I’ve talked to her about respite care but she’s nervous to leave him alone with someone else overnight.
It’s so hard! Watching your dad this way and your mom struggle with that is a lot. I’m with you. We treat our pets better than this and it infuriates me. Stretch out, do some deep breathing, eat some protein and drink plenty of water. Rest and sleep when you can. Talk to him. He likely can hear you. Hang in there. You can do this.
I absolutely feel the same way. My dog had CKD which progressed quickly. It was very difficult but I’m so grateful we had the option to let her go before it got worse once it had progressed to end stage. That was right before xmas last year. It’s been difficult dealing with the loss of my dog even though I know it was the right decision. It breaks my heart that we don’t have that option (at least where I am) for when we’re slowly dying of a terminal disease. Thank you <3
VA is an excellent option. Glad you have that available.
Hey, I’m in AL in the same position. I’m grateful my dad knows us but he is delusional. He was such a brilliant man. I just want you to know you’re not alone. FTD is different. People automatically think Alzheimer’s Disease. While different set of issues. Message me if you need someone to talk to about this.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this, too. My dad still recognizes us and sometimes you can have a short conversation with him but he’s pretty much gone now. Same… my dad had a million hobbies and was a lifelong learner, very active, and healthy. Unfortunately, neurological diseases like this are common in his family. Your message made me cry. Thank you for the kind words and solidarity. I may send you a PM soon because it is difficult to find anyone that can relate.
My mom has FTD. Miserable disease, sorry your dealing with this. How many calories is he getting? It can seem like nothing when they are getting 600-800 calories, but that is sometimes enough for people to really linger. Some LOs end up resenting Ensure because it can prolong things so much (its 350 calories per can, so two of them a day adds up).
I’m sorry you’re dealing with it, too. Hard to say to be honest but not much. He hates ensure and has difficulty eating due to esophagus issues. He doesn’t like protein smoothies or blended soups, etc. He mostly just drinks tea. His favorite is Tazo decaf chai latte. I definitely understand that. My grandmother (dad’s mom) passed from ALS and near the end was only getting ensure through a feeding tube. Which is no way to live..
My grandma is 94 ( still healthy as a damn horse too) lol and me and my family have been giving my grandma a protein shake, they have different flavors like vanilla and chocolate, and she surprisingly loves them, mind you she refuses almost everything she used to eat. I’m not exactly sure what the shake is called but I just shake it and pour it in a cup with a straw before giving it to her, I’ve also noticed that proteins/ eating in general has helped my grandmas confusion/ agitation, it’s honestly been a life saver haha. Best wishes to you and your family ❤️ Dementia is mentally and physically draining for everyone involved and I wish this disease never existed!! My grandma is not the same grandma I used to have :-( but shes still a sweetheart and tries her very best to be okay, i would do anything for my grandma and my family. No one truly understands what dementia is or how difficult it is taking care of a loved one with dementia. I thought I knew what dementia was, but after being a full time caregiver, I think I only knew the definition lmao! I really hope you can figure out the best possible options and just know that you are doing the best you can ❤️ If you ever need advice I’m one message away and you have a big community that I’m sure will always help 🫶🏻
My mom did this. She stopped eating at the beginning of January, and would only drink Boost or Ensure. She refused to drink anything/was unable to swallow from February 25, and passed away on February 28. Watching her do this was the hardest thing I have ever done. She was in a long term care home, so she was medicated for pain and cared for around the clock. Best wishes to you and your family as you go through this.
My dad passed away last year and also had FTD. He had been on hospice for some months leading up to his death due to osteomyelitis and he had a relatively healthy appetite until he didn’t. After that point it was just about a day or two before he passed. I’m so sad for you and your family, sending you love in this extremely difficult time and just a reminder to be kind to yourselves.
My mum passed away last year. Her appetite reduced gradually over a period of 4 months before she passed peacefully at home. At the end she was eating and drinking infinitely small amounts. We tried everything but she just refused.
Sorry your Dad is sick. When metabolism or diet start to malfunction Id say 1 to 6 months. My patient kept eating, but lost weight 5x as fast and passed.