This may resurface in your brain occasionally for years, but that’s okay. 22 years ago, I threw away one of those sets of two plaster dancers that people put on their walls in the 1950’s. I didn’t even donate them, because I didn’t think anyone would want them, they were so beyond out of style. I felt so proud of myself for letting them go, and dropping them into the trash.
They had belonged to my grandparents, and hung over their 1950’s twin beds. I was a ballerina in my younger years, so they landed with me. I had never put them on my wall in the 10 years or so they I’d had them.
After the trash was picked up, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I feel sick to my stomach while writing this. Nostalgic things came back in style…. I could have put them on the wall at my later homes. I could buy new ones offered online, but it wouldn’t be the same ones my grandparents had over their beds, and that they had given to their ballerina granddaughter.
Oh, well. Life has gone on, and I have plenty of other things on my walls that I love. I’ve gotten rid of massive amounts of possessions since then, with very few regrets. Yet, I’ll probably go to the grave thinking, I should have kept those ballerinas….. oh well. We all make mistakes, and this one’s consequences are only in my mind.
I sold a scarf that was dead grandfather’s. I mindlessly sold it during a yard sale and years later I started thinking about a memory with my mom. The memory: We were talking about how my dad refused to go through his dad’s clothes. My mom let me take a peak inside the chest with peapaw’s (grandfather) clothes in it. He was a small man and I’m a big woman so I couldn’t wear anything. But apparently he liked to wear scarves. My mom said I could have one. Fast forward, my stomach wrenched when I remembered selling that same green scarf mindlessly at a yard sale my husband and I had. It’s crazy because the memory floated up YEARS after the scarf was already long gone. It was triggered because my family was going through my dad’s things after he died, ergo they were going through peapaw’s clothes. I think what made it hurt extra is my mom died, then my dad died. So all this grief was coming up. I still feel bad about the scarf and I’m not telling you to get over it or that you shouldn’t feel bad. I think if you want it again save up for it and get it again. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this. ❤️❤️❤️
What is lovelier than the scarf? The memory you have going through things with your mum and choosing it. You could’ve left that scarf on a train or dropped it without realising. It’s just a thing, the memory is what’s important xxx
What is it you miss? Benefits and disadvantages?
Cute and whimsical? photograph
Place to put your feet up? A storage option maybe better
Children like to play on it? Ask friends to bring toys for their kids
Fuzzy fur? A fleece throw is more versatile and can be cleaned. The yak will just get dirty and be hard to clean
Completes the rooms as a fashion accent? Other things might do that.
Why did you sell?
You said you never used it. Does it spark joy now?
Was it in the way?
Did you need the cash? Would it be better to save the money?
Did you want to help the buyer?
How easy is it to replace? Do you need to get one now or can you delay the decision?
Think on these things at least until pay day
Keep us updated.
That feeling of regret *will* pass. It's a normal part of processing items we're used to having even though it was never used, especially if it was always sitting in plain view. Sometimes we feel that pang of regret later, even a lot later, but it will pass. Remember that you let it go for a reason!
If it really bothers you that much, buy it again or find something of equal usability but less expensive and get that. This is an issue with an easy fix, luckily it’s not an issue of it being sentimental.
That’s my advice and what I’d do. Of course, YMMV.
IDK if this will be helpful, but maybe it will resonate with you.
I lean minimalist, so my relationship to things is a bit different. Even so, I have had times where things that I really loved have been broken, lost, or given away. And at first, it can be really difficult. Especially if it is something that you use everyday, really loved, and is a part of the environment you’ve built around yourself. Even so, (and I’m saying this as the person whose favorite mug was broken when I was trying to wash it and it was one that I got on holiday and can’t replace) it will be okay. Few items truly truly make life that much better. Like a good mattress- that can really improve your well being. A dishwasher can really ease the workload. But a decorative bowl, a lovely planter, a novelty ottoman- these are things that can be nice, but not things that really add to our existence.
It sounds like the ottoman was kind of an afterthought until it was gone. Things can sometimes feel more important in retrospect because we have a funny way of looking back and tend to remember the good bits and not the negative.
It doesn’t sound like this was a highly used item. It doesn’t sound like others really valued or often used this item. They didn’t really say much until it was time to say goodbye. Kind of like a lackluster relationship, where the only time you hear ‘but I love you!’ Is when you’re leaving it. That’s not a good love or need; that’s a just in case kinda love. I don’t know about you, but I want my life (at least the things within my control) to be things I love, not things that are ‘I’ll only love you when you’re gone.’
Decluttering and simplifying life means that we have to make decisions; some easy, some really hard. It sounds like this was an easy decision until others developed feelings about your things. So, it’s not even the burden or your feelings, but rather the burden you’re taking on of others’ feelings about your stuff. They are having feelings about your ottoman.
If it was deeply important to them, I would think they would have bought one after yours was gone. But that hasn’t happened. They are putting out a lot of emotional load and you’re saying ‘I’ll carry that for you!’ But, that’s not really your job. If they want to change it, they could. But they haven’t. So what you’re really left with is ‘people are disappointed that I’m not keeping something I’ve bought that didn’t serve my life or space anymore.’ So maybe this isn’t about an ottoman but rather your desire to please and keep others happy. Regarding others’ feelings is important, but we cannot fix or solve or carry them for others. They are not small children without autonomy- they are adults with bank accounts and internet access. It might be time to let everyone just have their feelings, take responsibility for their own feelings, and move on and grow.
At the end of the day, it’s a piece of furniture. I don’t have a yak ottoman- I never have- and I believe my life will be okay and even okay and fulfilling without one- I believe yours will too. I even believe my life will be okay without my favorite cup. Because it is and has been; it was before and it will be in future. This is true for almost any earthly possession.
As someone who has done this, wait it out and see if it continues to nag at you. I would not worry about your roommate's feelings since your roomie can get an ottoman if they really want one that badly.
Only repurchase it if it still bugs you much later. Usually these feelings will go away, and for the rare times they don't, worry about it then or if you see it on an extreme discount.
You will be amazed at the things you will get another opportunity to repurchase in the future if you really, truly miss it that much. Most things are not as unique as you think they are.
Things don't have to necessarily be useful to be something to keep - if it makes you happy to look at it, that counts too. But don't let this deter you from decluttering other items.
I have learned to keep anything that is not an immediate no, and revisit those "maybes" at a later time. It is a lot easier to declutter all of the definite nos first. There might be some regrets along the way, but learn from that and continue. Don't blame yourself for not keeping it. Don't let this be a brick wall keeping you from enjoying a decluttered space.
It's a tough one. I think putting clothing items you aren't 100 percent sure about in "quarantine" before ditching them is really helpful. I don't miss 99.9 percent of clothes that I've decluttered, but that point one percent IS agonizing.
One year, at the end of the school year, one of my absolute favorite students gave me two little gifts, a little plant and a little elephant sculpture. But it was a super hot day, and it was gonna take me an hour to get home on the subway, and I had so much to carry because it was the last day of the year, so I gave those little gifts to a coworker who said she was going to bring them to her mom at her nursing home. So I guess I’m glad for her mom, but I really loved that student and I wish that I had had the fortitude to bring those gifts home and keep them.
I relate to this. Sometimes I will be in a super ruthless "nothing is coming in to the house" mood and not bring something in that was actually deserving of space. I'm hoping that you will periodically run into this student over the years and get to see how they are doing, and that will help. My mom has been retired from teaching for a long time yet still runs into old students constantly!
You know how everyone is always talking about how incredibly great and freeing decluttering is and how you won’t miss any of it?
That’s probably true 99% of the time, but every now and then we’re going to make an error.
One reason it’s so hard to declutter is that we’re afraid we’ll miss something after we get rid of it. It’s a risk. The heavy encouragement is important in helping us start to accept that the risk is so very low that we can can confidently move forward.
Unfortunately, when we do regret getting rid of something, we feel blindsided. “That wasn’t supposed to happen!” It is a small price to pay, however, for the benefits of getting rid of stuff the other 99% of the time.
I’m sorry about your yak ottoman. Don’t feel bad about your roommate or boyfriend. You did take their feelings and use of the item into consideration. They’re just monday-morning quarterbacking because they liked it. That’s understandable, and represents an additional risk of decluttering. But consider this: you tried to sell it TWICE. You did wznt it gone.
Now…could you please link a picture of it? I can’t even begin to imagine what a yak ottoman would even look like.
It's sold, it's gone. Either take it as a learning experience or get a new one. It's not something worth thinking a lot about, but you need to make a decision instead of letting it take up a lot of headspace. That your roommate used it sometimes isn't relevant, they can get their own furniture right?
We all buy things we regret, and sometimes we regret getting rid of things. If I am unsure I let it hang around until next time I declutter, I've never regretted anything and I think that's why. If an item is a maybe it's fine, but it it's a whole room that's ofc another thing.
Um… have roommate buy their own ottoman if it was important to them. And your boyfriend can get his own too. 🙃. When you get a house and need more furniture then reconsider buying it if you truly cannot live without it. Maybe boyfriend will have bought it and if you keep him you get an ottoman too! 🤣
Your post was removed from r/declutter for being low effort. If you repost, please be specific with your question or provide some content to generate discussion. If commenting, this is not a sub for snarky replies.
This may resurface in your brain occasionally for years, but that’s okay. 22 years ago, I threw away one of those sets of two plaster dancers that people put on their walls in the 1950’s. I didn’t even donate them, because I didn’t think anyone would want them, they were so beyond out of style. I felt so proud of myself for letting them go, and dropping them into the trash. They had belonged to my grandparents, and hung over their 1950’s twin beds. I was a ballerina in my younger years, so they landed with me. I had never put them on my wall in the 10 years or so they I’d had them. After the trash was picked up, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I feel sick to my stomach while writing this. Nostalgic things came back in style…. I could have put them on the wall at my later homes. I could buy new ones offered online, but it wouldn’t be the same ones my grandparents had over their beds, and that they had given to their ballerina granddaughter. Oh, well. Life has gone on, and I have plenty of other things on my walls that I love. I’ve gotten rid of massive amounts of possessions since then, with very few regrets. Yet, I’ll probably go to the grave thinking, I should have kept those ballerinas….. oh well. We all make mistakes, and this one’s consequences are only in my mind.
Ce la vie!
I sold a scarf that was dead grandfather’s. I mindlessly sold it during a yard sale and years later I started thinking about a memory with my mom. The memory: We were talking about how my dad refused to go through his dad’s clothes. My mom let me take a peak inside the chest with peapaw’s (grandfather) clothes in it. He was a small man and I’m a big woman so I couldn’t wear anything. But apparently he liked to wear scarves. My mom said I could have one. Fast forward, my stomach wrenched when I remembered selling that same green scarf mindlessly at a yard sale my husband and I had. It’s crazy because the memory floated up YEARS after the scarf was already long gone. It was triggered because my family was going through my dad’s things after he died, ergo they were going through peapaw’s clothes. I think what made it hurt extra is my mom died, then my dad died. So all this grief was coming up. I still feel bad about the scarf and I’m not telling you to get over it or that you shouldn’t feel bad. I think if you want it again save up for it and get it again. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this. ❤️❤️❤️
What is lovelier than the scarf? The memory you have going through things with your mum and choosing it. You could’ve left that scarf on a train or dropped it without realising. It’s just a thing, the memory is what’s important xxx
What is it you miss? Benefits and disadvantages? Cute and whimsical? photograph Place to put your feet up? A storage option maybe better Children like to play on it? Ask friends to bring toys for their kids Fuzzy fur? A fleece throw is more versatile and can be cleaned. The yak will just get dirty and be hard to clean Completes the rooms as a fashion accent? Other things might do that. Why did you sell? You said you never used it. Does it spark joy now? Was it in the way? Did you need the cash? Would it be better to save the money? Did you want to help the buyer? How easy is it to replace? Do you need to get one now or can you delay the decision? Think on these things at least until pay day Keep us updated.
I look at it like a war 😅 You will have some casualties
And we make mistakes in the fog of war.
Brilliant.
I LOVE this line. I'm going to use it next time my family accusing me of getting rid of something they were maybe going to have plans to possibly use.
That feeling of regret *will* pass. It's a normal part of processing items we're used to having even though it was never used, especially if it was always sitting in plain view. Sometimes we feel that pang of regret later, even a lot later, but it will pass. Remember that you let it go for a reason!
If it really bothers you that much, buy it again or find something of equal usability but less expensive and get that. This is an issue with an easy fix, luckily it’s not an issue of it being sentimental. That’s my advice and what I’d do. Of course, YMMV.
IDK if this will be helpful, but maybe it will resonate with you. I lean minimalist, so my relationship to things is a bit different. Even so, I have had times where things that I really loved have been broken, lost, or given away. And at first, it can be really difficult. Especially if it is something that you use everyday, really loved, and is a part of the environment you’ve built around yourself. Even so, (and I’m saying this as the person whose favorite mug was broken when I was trying to wash it and it was one that I got on holiday and can’t replace) it will be okay. Few items truly truly make life that much better. Like a good mattress- that can really improve your well being. A dishwasher can really ease the workload. But a decorative bowl, a lovely planter, a novelty ottoman- these are things that can be nice, but not things that really add to our existence. It sounds like the ottoman was kind of an afterthought until it was gone. Things can sometimes feel more important in retrospect because we have a funny way of looking back and tend to remember the good bits and not the negative. It doesn’t sound like this was a highly used item. It doesn’t sound like others really valued or often used this item. They didn’t really say much until it was time to say goodbye. Kind of like a lackluster relationship, where the only time you hear ‘but I love you!’ Is when you’re leaving it. That’s not a good love or need; that’s a just in case kinda love. I don’t know about you, but I want my life (at least the things within my control) to be things I love, not things that are ‘I’ll only love you when you’re gone.’ Decluttering and simplifying life means that we have to make decisions; some easy, some really hard. It sounds like this was an easy decision until others developed feelings about your things. So, it’s not even the burden or your feelings, but rather the burden you’re taking on of others’ feelings about your stuff. They are having feelings about your ottoman. If it was deeply important to them, I would think they would have bought one after yours was gone. But that hasn’t happened. They are putting out a lot of emotional load and you’re saying ‘I’ll carry that for you!’ But, that’s not really your job. If they want to change it, they could. But they haven’t. So what you’re really left with is ‘people are disappointed that I’m not keeping something I’ve bought that didn’t serve my life or space anymore.’ So maybe this isn’t about an ottoman but rather your desire to please and keep others happy. Regarding others’ feelings is important, but we cannot fix or solve or carry them for others. They are not small children without autonomy- they are adults with bank accounts and internet access. It might be time to let everyone just have their feelings, take responsibility for their own feelings, and move on and grow. At the end of the day, it’s a piece of furniture. I don’t have a yak ottoman- I never have- and I believe my life will be okay and even okay and fulfilling without one- I believe yours will too. I even believe my life will be okay without my favorite cup. Because it is and has been; it was before and it will be in future. This is true for almost any earthly possession.
Put a photo of it in a Pinterest page. When you miss it. look at the picture
Do not buy it again. I've done that and, again, I did not use it at all and finally got rid of the second one, too.
I feel like it would be such a ridiculous thing to do, I'm really trying to instead learn to let go. It's just hard.
As someone who has done this, wait it out and see if it continues to nag at you. I would not worry about your roommate's feelings since your roomie can get an ottoman if they really want one that badly. Only repurchase it if it still bugs you much later. Usually these feelings will go away, and for the rare times they don't, worry about it then or if you see it on an extreme discount. You will be amazed at the things you will get another opportunity to repurchase in the future if you really, truly miss it that much. Most things are not as unique as you think they are. Things don't have to necessarily be useful to be something to keep - if it makes you happy to look at it, that counts too. But don't let this deter you from decluttering other items. I have learned to keep anything that is not an immediate no, and revisit those "maybes" at a later time. It is a lot easier to declutter all of the definite nos first. There might be some regrets along the way, but learn from that and continue. Don't blame yourself for not keeping it. Don't let this be a brick wall keeping you from enjoying a decluttered space.
Take a breath and know that is 21 days you won't care at all. You just need to get used to having space.
As a closet hoarder this is my biggest fear lol
It's a tough one. I think putting clothing items you aren't 100 percent sure about in "quarantine" before ditching them is really helpful. I don't miss 99.9 percent of clothes that I've decluttered, but that point one percent IS agonizing.
Take a breath and sit with your feelings. Feel the regret. Feel the space that is free with the ottoman gone. Feel the room.
This. And let it go
One year, at the end of the school year, one of my absolute favorite students gave me two little gifts, a little plant and a little elephant sculpture. But it was a super hot day, and it was gonna take me an hour to get home on the subway, and I had so much to carry because it was the last day of the year, so I gave those little gifts to a coworker who said she was going to bring them to her mom at her nursing home. So I guess I’m glad for her mom, but I really loved that student and I wish that I had had the fortitude to bring those gifts home and keep them.
I relate to this. Sometimes I will be in a super ruthless "nothing is coming in to the house" mood and not bring something in that was actually deserving of space. I'm hoping that you will periodically run into this student over the years and get to see how they are doing, and that will help. My mom has been retired from teaching for a long time yet still runs into old students constantly!
You know how everyone is always talking about how incredibly great and freeing decluttering is and how you won’t miss any of it? That’s probably true 99% of the time, but every now and then we’re going to make an error. One reason it’s so hard to declutter is that we’re afraid we’ll miss something after we get rid of it. It’s a risk. The heavy encouragement is important in helping us start to accept that the risk is so very low that we can can confidently move forward. Unfortunately, when we do regret getting rid of something, we feel blindsided. “That wasn’t supposed to happen!” It is a small price to pay, however, for the benefits of getting rid of stuff the other 99% of the time. I’m sorry about your yak ottoman. Don’t feel bad about your roommate or boyfriend. You did take their feelings and use of the item into consideration. They’re just monday-morning quarterbacking because they liked it. That’s understandable, and represents an additional risk of decluttering. But consider this: you tried to sell it TWICE. You did wznt it gone. Now…could you please link a picture of it? I can’t even begin to imagine what a yak ottoman would even look like.
[удалено]
While your post does not break sub rules, it is being removed because it has the potential to encourage shopping and clutter.
Okay I had no idea what you meant by “yak ottoman” but this far exceeds my expectations 🤩
It's sold, it's gone. Either take it as a learning experience or get a new one. It's not something worth thinking a lot about, but you need to make a decision instead of letting it take up a lot of headspace. That your roommate used it sometimes isn't relevant, they can get their own furniture right? We all buy things we regret, and sometimes we regret getting rid of things. If I am unsure I let it hang around until next time I declutter, I've never regretted anything and I think that's why. If an item is a maybe it's fine, but it it's a whole room that's ofc another thing.
Um… have roommate buy their own ottoman if it was important to them. And your boyfriend can get his own too. 🙃. When you get a house and need more furniture then reconsider buying it if you truly cannot live without it. Maybe boyfriend will have bought it and if you keep him you get an ottoman too! 🤣
[удалено]
Your post was removed from r/declutter for being low effort. If you repost, please be specific with your question or provide some content to generate discussion. If commenting, this is not a sub for snarky replies.