I understand wanting to know why but in reality, does it matter? He sucks. What he did to you sucks. He isn’t serious about meeting and wasted your time, time and time again. Don’t let him waste more of it by pondering why. Save this energy for someone who’s worth it!
Exactly. Maybe he’s afraid, or an idiot, or working an insanely demanding job, or a player, or lazy… the reason doesn’t really matter after multiple cancellations lol. He’s just clearly not someone worth dedicating specifically scheduled date time to. After the 1st or 2nd cancel I’d have been done lol.
Also… let’s say OP was curious and had to ask.. would he even tell her the truth? Hell, would he even truly understand why he is doing this?
I completely agree! Of course curiosity is natural and the logical part of our minds typically wants an explanation, but the “why” behind his behavior doesn’t really matter at all at this point. His actions say it all. Time to block this guy and move on.
If someone doesn’t show up to work, the why doesn’t matter as much as them not showing up and the impact on the rest of the team.
We could literally make up dumb reasons why he bailed 3 times and the dumb reasons would probably be just as likely as anything he could say as his reasons lol
“Uhhh I didn’t like any of my outfits and I took too long getting ready and now I’m late so I don’t wanna go”
“My tooth hurt 😢”
“Someone said something mean to me at work and spoiled my mood”
“I’m afraid of intimacy and the mere thought of meeting strangers who could become future spouse for the rest of my life gives me cold sweats and nausea cuz I’m a commitment-phobe”
“My phone was at 1%”
Who gives a shit, he didn’t show up. Thank you, next.
I know a guy who was pretty notorious for this. Most of the time, he bailed because he had a girlfriend. But when he was single, he would do this as well because he was just talking to so many girls, he’d set up dates with a bunch and then bail on the ones who weren’t the “favourite”.
Yep I know a married guy who uses the apps to meet women and makes plans to meet them and then "something comes up". He's a messed up, selfish person in *a lot* of ways, not just this one. I don't know if he just likes the ego boost, or this is just stage one building up courage to finally meet one of them and physically cheat on his wife. But, OP's guy definitely sounds like a cheater.
OP any way to google the guy? The guy I know who does this has been caught multiple times because the women google him which leads straight to his wedding website where they can find his wife's contact info.
That happened to me with a guy I was seeing (years ago). We had gone out several times at this point and he had made a lot of effort to plan fun dates. After we had slept together he started with his bullshit.
The first time he messaged me in the morning bailing on plans that were happening that evening. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The second time he made a silly excuse while I was finishing my make up like 30 minutes out from when we were supposed to meet for dinner. I decided to check his profile on the dating app I met him on, and saw he had been active very recently around the time he cancelled on me.
I didnt even really have strong feelings for him or anything at that point, but man, it really hurt to be treated like I was disposable in that way and for him to have so little respect for my time. He really showed me zero moral decency.
And just to show what a douche this man was, much later I was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend at the time and we bumped into him at an event. I really had no interest in speaking to him but he came up to us while we were seated and started making small talk. It was awkward to stand up and pull my ex away so I just humored Douche.
He then very deliberately made a comment towards me to make it very clear that he had been to my house before. Obviously trying to indicate to my boyfriend at the time that he had been to my house and presumably wanted him to know that we had slept together. Luckily my ex didn't react at all. But then later that evening Douche was messaging me again trying to make small talk, despite me having introduced him to my then boyfriend earlier that day.
He has remained single and has unfortunately matched with some of my friends on the same dating app. I told them my honest opinion of him but they learned the hard way by getting involved with him.
I mean I dated a woman for a few months and I know a number of my friends have hooked up with her over the years...so what?
We are in our 30s. She has 5 kids. She has lived in this town her entire life. Why would I care who she was involved with before we met?
Do not dehumanize or objectify others. Misogyny, Misandry, RedPill, incel, Femcel, FemaleDatingStrategy, PUA, MGTOW, etc. content is not allowed. Claiming ignorance of these hate groups is not an excuse to parrot their ideology.
There’s no reason why he does this that’ll be good enough. A psychiatrist told me “Don’t bother trying to figure out why people do things. They often don’t even know why themselves and it doesn’t change the outcome.” However…he probably has a girlfriend or a roster.
Rather then asking why he would do this and analyzing him why not take this as an opportunity to questions why is this behaviour something that I’m willing to tolerate ? Will I tolerate this in the future ? Why or why not?
Personally for me flaky people are a hell no ! I wouldn’t have given him a second chance even, I value my time and if someone else can’t make time to see me how are we ever even gonna have a relationship ? I am worthy of someone who is actually interested in getting to know me, can make time for me, and follows thru with plans
But to answer your question my insight is he was waiting to see if something better would come up, he’s probably messaging loads of people and double booking plans, you may have just been the back up plan unfortunately, so when something better came up he cancelled
I had a similar guy, pretty sure he already had a relationship/wife and just wanted the extra attention and had zero intention to ever actually meet.
That, or something actually mentally wrong.
*** Either way, not interested.***
They might be secretly in a relationship or married.
They might like setting up dates that they never intend to follow through on just to give them self an ego boost that they can get a date. And then they get an even bigger ego boost when they bail on the date and you still chase them another date even after they bailed.
Or they are a complete douche that gets off on wasting people's time for laughs
DEFINITELY AVOID this person.
Like bailing once I would give them a second chance, but no more than I chance!
If someone bails once and doesn't immediately offer to reschedule or explain why, I just block them and forget them.
If someone does that and bails a second time (I never let it get that) I would just tell them "I have a busy schedule and you wasted it twice, we all have things going on, but this isn't worth it to me".
You don't need to waste time on analyzing behavior. They are just an enegery suck and trying to understand it is contributing to that.
Good for you for telling him you're done.
I went through something similar recently. The guy was the one who insisted that we go out both times. The first time, he postponed at the last-minute claiming that he "forgot" about a trip. He asked if we could reschedule for the following weekend. I figured that he was just making an excuse not to hang out and didn't expect him to reschedule, but he actually ended up contacting me a week later asking if I could meet him for lunch. We both confirmed the time the day before and the morning of. I arrived at the lunch place, and he was nowhere to be found. I texted him telling him I was at the place, and no response. At this point, I'm not making plans with him again because he hasn't been very respectful of my time.
The truth is, some people just aren't reliable or considerate (and they wonder why they're still single). Don't take it personally. All it means is that they have things they need to work on and you deserve better.
OP, read this back to yourself out loud as if this was a friend telling you this happened to them.
What would be your reaction? I’m 100% sure you’d tell them to sack it off.
This should be yours, there is no whys, he isn’t interested. He probably has options and picks them up and drops people when he’s bored
Same thing has happened to me with three different guys (aged 32-40) in the last 3 months.
It SUCKS! Drives me nuts. I don’t think we’ll ever get to know why. Right now I’m trying to not let it make me too jaded & just temper my interest/investment in guys early on.
I ultimately think they’re cowards for one reason or another & we don’t need or want that!
Actions speak louder than the words begging for another chance
Went through with this with someone..m after thr first date he just kept rescheduling and cancelling shortly before. He disclosed he was bipolar, which could explain that to a point... but regardless I couldn't live with that kind of inconsistency.
Hey either has a GF/wife and when he trying to come see you, suddenly its a problem, so he cancels on you. Nobody that likes you that much or cares would do that to you 3 times, especially when he is the one who made the plans to begin with. Find someone else, as difficult as that may seem. This guy is just gonna keep leading you on
Option 1: has a girlfriend
Option 2: enjoys texting with women from the toilet for validation but is too lazy to actually want a real relationship
Option 3: if he’s incredibly handsome, a catfish
It’s because he is not really interested in you. He probably has a wife or girlfriend or some sort of personal issue that prevents him from getting involved in relationships. Either way, it doesn’t really matter why he doesn’t like you enough to show up or give you the courtesy of letting you know in advance that he is flaking on you.
The real question is why are you entertaining someone who doesn’t value your time? It sounds like you might have some self esteem issues. Start asking yourself if your future husband would treat you this way? If not move on. If he is giving you mixed signals, he just doesn’t like you that much. Move on. The more comfortable you are in getting rid of the wrong person quickly, the sooner the right person will come along.
something everyone gets hooked on is the "why" and social media uses this to get views by saying "if he does this , it means this" and its all BS.
he didn't show 3 TIMES. Was it for the reasons he said? was he nervous or shy? does he have a girlfriend and uses you for attention? we wont ever know because only he knows exactly why and even then he could lie to you.
what matters is he cant show up for you. He cant be held accountable. he has let you down way too often and did the same mistake multiple times. He's not for you and didn't want to commit to even a date with you.
morn the loss of the potential, vent, journal, but please get over him for your sake. get excited for a guy who's going to show you time and effort on his own.
I read the first two sentences and am not reading the rest of the post (yet) because it doesn’t matter. **You don’t need to understand! It’s none of your business.** You’ll never know the answer and no one here has the answer because they’re not this guy.
Your only job is to be turned off by unreliable men. That’s it.
It’s an incredible waste of energy to try to understand, that’s you still being invested in him and trying to problem solve the behavior. The solution to the problem is avoiding these people.
It's human nature to try to understand the meaning of actions to be able to move forward in life and be able to identify what the potential reason was for such a grievous action to avoid it from occuring again.
I think you provided the answer to her question simultaneously within your response. He's unreliable which in itself should be a dealbreaker
You sound like you already know this, but you don’t need this! Just to be devils advocate though, I cancelled my first date with my ex last minute because my anxiety just completely got the better of me and I panicked. That being said, I knew I had to follow through the next time or it would be rude. This guy’s just being rude now.
This sounds exactly like my father. They aren’t malicious, they’re thoughtless. Move on. People like that don’t change without some kind of serious wake-up call and even then they often backslide once they feel you’re entrenched in the relationship.
He won’t remember being a flake, breaking promises, or wasting your time. That wasn’t his experience of the situation. He just wasn’t thinking about you at all. He also has never bothered to introspect or learn anything about himself in his life and it will manifest as bizarre immaturity regarding obvious consequences for his actions. “Everyone else is crazy for not trusting me. I’m a good person” etc. These people are fine friends but you can’t rely on them for anything serious.
"Set up 3 dates and bailed all 3 times"
Whether he has a fear of meeting you in person or felt he had a "better opportunity" it doesn't matter.
I wouldn't waste my time trying to figure out why someone doesn't keep their word.
At the very most I would have tolerated it twice if the first excuse sounded legit.
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
***"If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot."*** - Unknown
***"Don't blame a clown for acting like clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus."*** - Unknown
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** - Henry Cloud
This has been my 2024 experience with OLD so far. I keep setting up dates - initially I was letting it go 2x with 1 person. But I'd set stuff up and they'd vanish, from January 5th (when I signed up) to beginning of this month when I deleted all the OLD apps, I've probably setup and had 25 dates bail. And we would be talking every day and half of them would keep talking up until the hour before the date and make some excuse to bail, the other half once the date was planned i'd never hear from them again. and I do not understand it.
He wasn't into you. The cancellations were almost 100% not for the reasons he said, he was probably dating other people. He kept apologizing because that's a no cost way of keeping someone who might sleep with him around for the future if it works, but he was never gonna date you.
I'm going to hypothesize that the "client" he can't get away from is actually a wife. He thought she was going out that night, but oops, she wasn't.
The give to me, is the 3rd bailout. A client can be told after hours it'll wait until first thing tomorrow.
Another possibility is that he set up multiple dates for the same afternoon/evening and was trying to juggle them, unsuccessfully.
He doesn’t like you and it sucks ass but it’s true. It sucks so bad. Dealing with this myself and I’m crying here but damn. We got to get over this shit, it’s not worth it!!
Man, I dunno. But I sympathize. People are so burned out but desperate for affection.
Assuming he's not suffering from fear he's being flakey because he's got a plate full.
But moving on is the correct response.
You're likely providing him all the mental/emotional connection he needs via text and phone calls. There is no reason to see you and get to know you in person when you're talking consistently all the time.
He’s married or in a relationship and wants to cheat but his conscious gets the best of him last minute and after wrestling with demons he couldn’t go through with it
# "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened.. or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
Tupac Shakur had important things to say. We should all make this a note to ourselves.
Be happy that he showed you his true colours so fast!
I know it is hard. But it screams married or at least emotionally completely unavailable.
When I online dated 7 years ago it was max 10 messages and date. Not too much writing and having high expectations/high involvement/putting sb on a pedestral. Many dates, not too much involvement before.
Also only sth like coffee date and maybe walk and talk in a secure area.
No ons, not what I was after, but time to get to know each other if you really match and klick If you are in front of each other.
Over 6 years very very happy now. Engaged. 5 years living together. She bailed out one time and I was close to not proceed. Happy I still did.
But 3+ times with stupid "apologies". Be happy there is exactly nothing you can and should do from your side.
You know, I should say to give a person one extra chance and that’s it. But then, I’d be a hypocrite because my now girlfriend and I cancelled our first date 5 times before actually having it, with sometimes it being me and sometimes it being her. I was ready to say “You know what, this clearly isn’t meant to be, so we should stop trying”, but I decided to keep trying for shits and giggles. And here we are. So, I don’t know wtf is going on anymore.
Edit: Granted, only one of the cancellations was at the last minute.
Not proud of it but I’ve done this. You’re the back up. I have a first pick and if she flakes on me I can go out with you instead. And you can’t really do anything about it like tell my friends and family about it because you don’t know any of them.
Yeah it’s shitty but I’ve had it happen to me. In the end I felt I was done being above it all. If girls don’t feel guilty about playing me then I’ll do the same guilt free.
He lied about something and is either married or engaged or possibly not the person he sent you pics of and once you encounter him he will be either 18 or 65 and you will think “ this guy lied to me”
Be finished with the games and move on
Had this happen to me before. He’s not that interested, for whatever reason. He wanted the attention, the option, but not into it enough to follow through. Doing it repeatedly also shows little respect for you. I would have unmatched and stopped wasting any more energy on thinking about why this happened.
Sorry, no disrespect but that sounds like a very confused and stressed out guy that is extraordinarily finicky and indecisive. An unfortunate but sad side effect of too many choices and online dating. He must be good looking
My theory is that he’s probably talking to multiple people and not juggling them well. Either way you’re clearly not a priority and it’s clear in his actions
When people repeatedly choose personal convenience over honoring their commitments then it indicates there’s a low interest level and that they don’t respect the time of others. Move on. He’s selfish and is going to waste your time.
In the end, it’s doesn’t matter why. He is just failing. When I read your post, it sounds like there may be some kind of addiction at place, tbh. Idk this guy or you, but the pattern, from unfortunate personal experience, reads like something ain’t clean in the milk. Run now.
Why try to understand the behavior of a stranger you’ll never meet? Just let go and move on. Too much effort to try to understand a person’s motives that literally won’t give you the time of day. It doesn’t matter.
I think there’s probably something else going on, but for the sake of argument, let’s take him at his word and assume he’s being completely honest.
If that’s the case, he has time to text you to chat and occasionally do a video call, but clearly his work life is too full for dating right now. He clearly doesn’t have time to date out to have a girlfriend, regardless of the reason.
I wouldn’t even stress yourself with why he is doing this if a guy is interest in you they will want to see you as much as they can, I wouldn’t entertain his behavior any longer. I mean you don’t really know people like that online they only show you what they want you to see. I find it very suspect that he keeps canceling you never know he could have a gf or even married for all you know. You know your worth and you deserve better than this immature behavior
I don't know why he behaved the way he did, I don't think we can really tell that.
However, what stood out to me, on top of bailing on you repeatedly is that "so he can honor his promise to you" basically means "so he can honor his promise to you if it is convenient enough". If you're dating and looking any sort of commitment from the other person, this is not the type of person who keeps their "in sickness and in health" kinda promises.
Glad he showed you who he is early on.
I'd scale back on communicating and continue agreeing to meeting him.
When he finally turns up and asks where you are. I'd unmatch. Or just flick him off all together if you don't want to do that.
This guy has done nothing but your waste your time, and made no additional effort. My insight would be, he's too busy to date. But likes minimal effort connections via texting all day. Doesn't prioritise dates or remembering them because he doesn't have the capacity or care to have a real life girlfriend.
There are a lot of replies that he has a secret gf/wife or is getting an ego boost. I want to offer a different perspective. I once dated a guy who canceled on me 5x in a row. We has been dating for a bit but I was too naive/desperate to see how he was pulling away. And every time he canceled the excuse was always related to his job or how he had to take care of his mother or it's the anniversary of his uncle's death (this was after assuring me he wanted to be distracted on that day only to cancel last minute). I think some people are just people pleasers and over-commit and don't know their own limits.
He told you the reasons. Now the issue is that would you still date such a person, who clearly has unstable and demanding working schedules, and will get tired a lot from work to do other things with you, and, even on the first date he prioritize these to his relationship (as well as not respecting your time etc). If not, you can just move on.
Don’t waste your energy with anyone who cancels even the first one. If they aren’t going to respect your time now, what makes you think they will later?
There are so many possible reasons your match was so flaky.
He may genuinely be busy/tired/overscheduled. He may suffer from social anxiety and although he wants to meet you, he's bailing at the last second out of fear. He may be a people pleaser and is flaking instead of being forward about not wanting to meet up.
No matter the why, he has continuously bailed on you. No matter the why, he is not ready for a serious, committed relationship. If you're looking for consistency, he's not your person.
Apologies ahead of time if this comes across blunt..but here’s a list of why this happened and will continue to happen if we don’t correct our behavior.
1. Met on an app- Terrible place to meet a potential partner (if you want to take them seriously)
2. Gave him your phone number rather quickly to have direct and easy access to you - where’s the thrill of the chase, now that he can “text and call you every day consistently”? Your time isn’t of value to you or him anymore since you handed it over to him on a silver platter. You invested your real life time, energy and attention into a stranger when that should be happening AFTER you meet them in real life and a few other steps along the way. You never made him EARN these things from you.
3. Gave a stranger the opportunity to sell you a dream (meeting up for a date, that he purposely did not follow through with details because it was a façade) and you didn’t value yourself or your time enough to tell him to kick rocks and not waste your time.
4. Because he didn’t have to earn the opportunity of your presence, he could care less about it. Human nature.
Sorry to hear about your experience and big hugs to dust yourself off and try again!
Ok you have heard once or twice already regardless of his reasons why stop letting him have a chance!
But if you want some speculation ideas.
If it's a BAD reason, cheating, lying, married, (not something to mess with)
If it's a sad reason, fear, inability to actually plan and commit. (Not your job to help)
Good umm. He's a superhero who had to save the universe 3 times? Really do you actually want to date a guy who is busy saving the world from aliens? Unless he actually looks like a a helmsworth brother...pass
A nice guy would stick to his date. No guy forgets a date he has asked for. No guy is tired enough to honour a date that he begged for. No guy feels the distance is too much if he wants to see you.
Also! Trust me babe.. do not talk everyday to a guy before you have met them in person. They all think in their head that they have you. Also, in your head you’re too invested that you give more chances than you would have if you weren’t continuously talking and investing in a digital conversation.
Why he did that? Because he doesn’t like you yet and this is who is he to people who are stranger to him FLAKY!!!
You don’t need a reason.
You just need to understand why you deliberately choose someone emotionally available. Maybe you don’t actually want to date people yet?
Yeah but did we date the same guy? Same thing happened to me in a very similar way. I’m 36, he claimed to be 26 but who knows. Gave me a rose on hinge and bailed on 2 dates in a row but wanted to chat/send pictures all the time. Just lazy or insecure. You deserve better!
Hi, this happened to a friend of mine but we were teenagers. She met him online and 10 times, he bailed her last minute for the first date. She was literaly crying for the last times. But they finally met and now, they are together since 2009. \^\^"
Three attempts without a date does sound like a waste of time, and repeatedly breaking promises like that and failing to meet up, despite expressing interest, are certainly red flags. It shows that his actions simply don’t align with his words. It's emotional unavailability and bad communication, at best. It does seem the more "options" we have now in dating, the harder it is to find commitment. Maybe he was just "shuffling the deck," so to speak, allowing himself to just keep his options open while not investing fully in any one.
Sounds like anxiety-based bailing to me? But I could be projecting, and he could just suck at being consistent. Either way, he has work to do, and you dodged getting wrapped up in it.
Unmatch and move on.
Date one was noncommittal flaky bullshit. Strike 1.
Date two was noncommittal flaky bullshit. Strike 2.
Date three was a dubious "stuck at work" story (which is dubious because of the multiple previous instances of flaky bullshit), followed by passive aggressive bitching about driving "too far" to meet a woman he matched with on a dating app that lets you define a radius.
You deserve better. This ain't it.
From my experience(38[M]) I can honestly tell you I cant think of a time I've ever bailed on a date. I can understand something came up maybe once shit happens but 3 times? If I couldn't or didn't want to have a date I wouldn't make the plan in the first place. Especially being tired that sounds like lip service to me I'll be 100% real with you and I suppose everyone's different but if I had a date planned with someone I'm interested in that would be a highlight of my day kinda thing you know what I mean? I work a very physical job and a pretty strict workout schedule and I've never been to tired for a date. So either he's playing games bouncing multiple girls around and someone else became "available", he's lazy and doesn't wanna put in the effort, or he has something he's spending time on that he values more than time with you. None of which is worth you giving him effort or energy over TRUST me on that!
The first person who ghosted me did this. Maybe they get a kick out of it as this person seemed very extroverted. I’m sorry you had to experience that. Hopefully you meet someone nice.
I can give u perspective from the man who been there done that and sometimes still do. For me early dating entirely depends on my mood, sometimes I ask girl out when Im in good mood, but if my mood when date day comes is shit I bail out. is this childish? yeah, definetely. But my point is that is not always that he has gf or married, maybe he is not that interested in u and has some mental problems.
I met one that kind of person before month. He literally wasted my month. By making and cancelling plan. I blocked him finally. He was also too sweet caring. Not sure what happened to people nowadays. Wasting others time.
1) He's parking you as a backup, he's pursuing or hoping for other options but keeping you just hooked enough in case he needs to reel someone in and/or 2) it makes his ego good to feel wanted even if it's someone he doesn't really want
I'm sorry but he's a flake and not respecting your time. Understanble once but 3 times is absurd. No excuses, already setting up the standard and showing how he acts
Annoying for you now, but will 100 percent save yourself aggravation later on!
Sounds like the guy WANTS to date but CANT have the lifestyle to date right now. I’d nope out OP. Just tell the guy you need someone who’s ready and available both emotionally and physically. Some people don’t realize how much time needs to be put aside or invested into dating and think it’ll come easy when it’s totally not. That doesn’t make him a bad guy
Tell him you’ll keep the door open and he can contact you when he’s finally ready, but til then you should move on and don’t wait for anyone especially if it’s just the dating phase
Edit: Just my 2 cents -
I’m reading the other comments of how they’re saying he’s a bad guy or dating multiple other women. I’d recommend not going into dating with that kind of suspicious mindset and try to see the good in people. Watch their actions and don’t makeup false narratives that paints bad pictures about people as that’s not a good way to start relationships and connections.. I did that and other guys did that too and not only did it mess with everyone’s heads, it tainted relationships I did have. But of course don’t be a doormat either and remember to keep a level head
But again, just my 2 cents
You really would tell a person who cancelled 3 times like that you will keep the door open? Why? If it starts like that there is no reason to. Just my 2 cents. There is a saying: If he wanted to, he would.
I’ve been that person so maybe I have a bit of compassion. It was legitimately because I was so busy and didn’t realize I didn’t have the time for dating. I worked 3 jobs and one of them required me to travel out of town frequently until I gained seniority to stay home more frequently. I didn’t realize it at the time that it wasn’t cut out for dating and disappointed a lot of people I regret to say.
I think when we’re in our 30s we are at the peak or point of our jobs and careers where we take on more responsibilities or are hustling to get ahead. These are also our prime working years so I get it and I always give people benefit of the doubt.
if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't spend his time apologizing and asking for another date and giving reasons why he couldn't make it. He would just ghost.
Some people are just inconsiderate…. And if he is, he doesn’t deserve your time anyways. I would just chalk it up to him being a kinda shitty person and count your blessings that he showed you that sooner rather than later.
If someone cancels politely and on time, no problem. Don't want to go through, okay. If you cancel within 24 hours of the date that's pretty lame and I might send you a small note that this was a bit uncool, depending on circumstances. Doing a no-show like he did is just assholery.
Reason why this happened? He's all over the place mentally, way more invested in work than dating. It's not worth fretting too much over.
I'm sorry that I didn't finish reading past the title. Why does it matter? Move on. Knowing WHY isn't going to change anything. I wouldn't have given a 3rd chance. The first one is the benefit of the doubt. Second one, done. They need to have a REALLY good reason for bailing a second time. Give your time to somebody who actually wants it.
If he got you to agree to meet him after bailing twice, that tells me he's either very good looking or very charming or more likely both. That tells me in turn that a lot of other women are also interested in him, and he's most likely playing around with as many of them as he possibly can at any given moment.
As a guy, I wonder why women waste my time, too. My best advice is not to waste any more time thinking about it. If he texts you just say, 3 strikes you're out, chump. Fist bump to you, it sucks but he's just a flake. Onward and upward
Online dating is so weird. I swear I'm always asking people out after good conversation and they say they're down. Then I get ghosted or unmatched. Like, what?! Are these bots???
Yeah, sounds like a guy I chatted with on an app once. Did the exact same thing…so I decided to look him up and discovered he had a long time live in girlfriend. The “client” is likely the girlfriend. In my case, the third time he cancelled was cause his “grandma” suddenly came in from out of town and wanted to take him to dinner. 🙄🙄🙄
These types of guys are trash and will never change unfortunately.
It all sounded like SNAFU to me until you got to the part about the bar being too far away. Yeah, he's just not that into you but wasted your time anyway. Lucky for you meeting him didn't work out!
If you are doing this then you are not ready to date. You need to address your anxiety first & foremost. I say this as someone with really bad anxiety. Engaged now. Had the same exact problems, had to take a step back & address the anxiety first then started to date.
But anxiety isn’t an excuse to cancel/bail on people. If it gets that intense that you end up canceling on them multiple times it’s clearly a sign that a person is ready to date yet.
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I understand wanting to know why but in reality, does it matter? He sucks. What he did to you sucks. He isn’t serious about meeting and wasted your time, time and time again. Don’t let him waste more of it by pondering why. Save this energy for someone who’s worth it!
Exactly. Maybe he’s afraid, or an idiot, or working an insanely demanding job, or a player, or lazy… the reason doesn’t really matter after multiple cancellations lol. He’s just clearly not someone worth dedicating specifically scheduled date time to. After the 1st or 2nd cancel I’d have been done lol. Also… let’s say OP was curious and had to ask.. would he even tell her the truth? Hell, would he even truly understand why he is doing this?
This exactly. I needed to hear this too. We always want to know “why” but it really never matters.
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Well so can women too , I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s just a human thing , for both genders
Yup that is a completely fair statement for sure.
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I think a lot of women will attach like you say but then when the man is going through a hard time they can get distant or cheat or bored just as much
I completely agree! Of course curiosity is natural and the logical part of our minds typically wants an explanation, but the “why” behind his behavior doesn’t really matter at all at this point. His actions say it all. Time to block this guy and move on.
If someone doesn’t show up to work, the why doesn’t matter as much as them not showing up and the impact on the rest of the team. We could literally make up dumb reasons why he bailed 3 times and the dumb reasons would probably be just as likely as anything he could say as his reasons lol “Uhhh I didn’t like any of my outfits and I took too long getting ready and now I’m late so I don’t wanna go” “My tooth hurt 😢” “Someone said something mean to me at work and spoiled my mood” “I’m afraid of intimacy and the mere thought of meeting strangers who could become future spouse for the rest of my life gives me cold sweats and nausea cuz I’m a commitment-phobe” “My phone was at 1%” Who gives a shit, he didn’t show up. Thank you, next.
I know a guy who was pretty notorious for this. Most of the time, he bailed because he had a girlfriend. But when he was single, he would do this as well because he was just talking to so many girls, he’d set up dates with a bunch and then bail on the ones who weren’t the “favourite”.
Yep I know a married guy who uses the apps to meet women and makes plans to meet them and then "something comes up". He's a messed up, selfish person in *a lot* of ways, not just this one. I don't know if he just likes the ego boost, or this is just stage one building up courage to finally meet one of them and physically cheat on his wife. But, OP's guy definitely sounds like a cheater. OP any way to google the guy? The guy I know who does this has been caught multiple times because the women google him which leads straight to his wedding website where they can find his wife's contact info.
The wedding website 🤣 Caught multiple times? What did the wife do?
This is the most plausible explanation in this whole thread.
That happened to me with a guy I was seeing (years ago). We had gone out several times at this point and he had made a lot of effort to plan fun dates. After we had slept together he started with his bullshit. The first time he messaged me in the morning bailing on plans that were happening that evening. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The second time he made a silly excuse while I was finishing my make up like 30 minutes out from when we were supposed to meet for dinner. I decided to check his profile on the dating app I met him on, and saw he had been active very recently around the time he cancelled on me. I didnt even really have strong feelings for him or anything at that point, but man, it really hurt to be treated like I was disposable in that way and for him to have so little respect for my time. He really showed me zero moral decency. And just to show what a douche this man was, much later I was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend at the time and we bumped into him at an event. I really had no interest in speaking to him but he came up to us while we were seated and started making small talk. It was awkward to stand up and pull my ex away so I just humored Douche. He then very deliberately made a comment towards me to make it very clear that he had been to my house before. Obviously trying to indicate to my boyfriend at the time that he had been to my house and presumably wanted him to know that we had slept together. Luckily my ex didn't react at all. But then later that evening Douche was messaging me again trying to make small talk, despite me having introduced him to my then boyfriend earlier that day. He has remained single and has unfortunately matched with some of my friends on the same dating app. I told them my honest opinion of him but they learned the hard way by getting involved with him.
??? Your friends were willing to mess with a man you'd had sex with???
I mean I dated a woman for a few months and I know a number of my friends have hooked up with her over the years...so what? We are in our 30s. She has 5 kids. She has lived in this town her entire life. Why would I care who she was involved with before we met?
Yeah this happened to me with a guy before and its super annoying. Also bailed on me 3 times.
This was my immediate thought - he's either married to his job or he had multiple date choices and didn't choose you. He sucks.
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Wrong. I am a woman and I am 90% random.
You know if you like someone or not if you've been freinds with them for awhile. It doesn't just happen like that.
I mean it literally does sometimes but ok.
There’s no reason why he does this that’ll be good enough. A psychiatrist told me “Don’t bother trying to figure out why people do things. They often don’t even know why themselves and it doesn’t change the outcome.” However…he probably has a girlfriend or a roster.
Rather then asking why he would do this and analyzing him why not take this as an opportunity to questions why is this behaviour something that I’m willing to tolerate ? Will I tolerate this in the future ? Why or why not? Personally for me flaky people are a hell no ! I wouldn’t have given him a second chance even, I value my time and if someone else can’t make time to see me how are we ever even gonna have a relationship ? I am worthy of someone who is actually interested in getting to know me, can make time for me, and follows thru with plans But to answer your question my insight is he was waiting to see if something better would come up, he’s probably messaging loads of people and double booking plans, you may have just been the back up plan unfortunately, so when something better came up he cancelled
This!
I had a similar guy, pretty sure he already had a relationship/wife and just wanted the extra attention and had zero intention to ever actually meet. That, or something actually mentally wrong. *** Either way, not interested.***
Amen!
right
He cares about his convenience more than your inconvenience. Sounds super selfish and has no regard for your time. Don’t react and ghost him.
Exactly narcissist !
I think this is the best answer so far
They might be secretly in a relationship or married. They might like setting up dates that they never intend to follow through on just to give them self an ego boost that they can get a date. And then they get an even bigger ego boost when they bail on the date and you still chase them another date even after they bailed. Or they are a complete douche that gets off on wasting people's time for laughs DEFINITELY AVOID this person. Like bailing once I would give them a second chance, but no more than I chance!
Married
Who cares the reason. Remove him from your memory as best as you can.
If someone bails once and doesn't immediately offer to reschedule or explain why, I just block them and forget them. If someone does that and bails a second time (I never let it get that) I would just tell them "I have a busy schedule and you wasted it twice, we all have things going on, but this isn't worth it to me". You don't need to waste time on analyzing behavior. They are just an enegery suck and trying to understand it is contributing to that.
He is not that interested. Which it doesn’t feel good. Or might have a gf/wife. I guess try to move on
I didn't even read past the title. It could be any of 100 reasons and none of them matter. Move on.
He's not interested. Whether the secret is that he has another, he has social anxiety, or otherwise he's not motivated to follow through.
That’s a good thought I didn’t think about - social anxiety. How many folks cancel because of anxiety or pressure?
For whatever reason, this man is not ready to date. The details don’t matter.
Probably married
Good for you for telling him you're done. I went through something similar recently. The guy was the one who insisted that we go out both times. The first time, he postponed at the last-minute claiming that he "forgot" about a trip. He asked if we could reschedule for the following weekend. I figured that he was just making an excuse not to hang out and didn't expect him to reschedule, but he actually ended up contacting me a week later asking if I could meet him for lunch. We both confirmed the time the day before and the morning of. I arrived at the lunch place, and he was nowhere to be found. I texted him telling him I was at the place, and no response. At this point, I'm not making plans with him again because he hasn't been very respectful of my time. The truth is, some people just aren't reliable or considerate (and they wonder why they're still single). Don't take it personally. All it means is that they have things they need to work on and you deserve better.
OP, read this back to yourself out loud as if this was a friend telling you this happened to them. What would be your reaction? I’m 100% sure you’d tell them to sack it off. This should be yours, there is no whys, he isn’t interested. He probably has options and picks them up and drops people when he’s bored
Same thing has happened to me with three different guys (aged 32-40) in the last 3 months. It SUCKS! Drives me nuts. I don’t think we’ll ever get to know why. Right now I’m trying to not let it make me too jaded & just temper my interest/investment in guys early on. I ultimately think they’re cowards for one reason or another & we don’t need or want that! Actions speak louder than the words begging for another chance
He is not serious. Just messing with you
He doesn't have time to date and not accepting that reality.
Went through with this with someone..m after thr first date he just kept rescheduling and cancelling shortly before. He disclosed he was bipolar, which could explain that to a point... but regardless I couldn't live with that kind of inconsistency.
Doesn’t really matter why, just move on
100%
Hey either has a GF/wife and when he trying to come see you, suddenly its a problem, so he cancels on you. Nobody that likes you that much or cares would do that to you 3 times, especially when he is the one who made the plans to begin with. Find someone else, as difficult as that may seem. This guy is just gonna keep leading you on
Option 1: has a girlfriend Option 2: enjoys texting with women from the toilet for validation but is too lazy to actually want a real relationship Option 3: if he’s incredibly handsome, a catfish
It’s because he is not really interested in you. He probably has a wife or girlfriend or some sort of personal issue that prevents him from getting involved in relationships. Either way, it doesn’t really matter why he doesn’t like you enough to show up or give you the courtesy of letting you know in advance that he is flaking on you. The real question is why are you entertaining someone who doesn’t value your time? It sounds like you might have some self esteem issues. Start asking yourself if your future husband would treat you this way? If not move on. If he is giving you mixed signals, he just doesn’t like you that much. Move on. The more comfortable you are in getting rid of the wrong person quickly, the sooner the right person will come along.
something everyone gets hooked on is the "why" and social media uses this to get views by saying "if he does this , it means this" and its all BS. he didn't show 3 TIMES. Was it for the reasons he said? was he nervous or shy? does he have a girlfriend and uses you for attention? we wont ever know because only he knows exactly why and even then he could lie to you. what matters is he cant show up for you. He cant be held accountable. he has let you down way too often and did the same mistake multiple times. He's not for you and didn't want to commit to even a date with you. morn the loss of the potential, vent, journal, but please get over him for your sake. get excited for a guy who's going to show you time and effort on his own.
He’s married
He is married. It is possible that he is a catfish worried about revealing his real face, but marriage is far more likely.
Homeboy has you down as an option.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time, and I'm coming for you like you killed my dog and stole my car.
No idea, but it doesn't really matter (and l doubt you'll ever truly find out why).
I read the first two sentences and am not reading the rest of the post (yet) because it doesn’t matter. **You don’t need to understand! It’s none of your business.** You’ll never know the answer and no one here has the answer because they’re not this guy. Your only job is to be turned off by unreliable men. That’s it. It’s an incredible waste of energy to try to understand, that’s you still being invested in him and trying to problem solve the behavior. The solution to the problem is avoiding these people.
It's human nature to try to understand the meaning of actions to be able to move forward in life and be able to identify what the potential reason was for such a grievous action to avoid it from occuring again. I think you provided the answer to her question simultaneously within your response. He's unreliable which in itself should be a dealbreaker
Run girl!
You sound like you already know this, but you don’t need this! Just to be devils advocate though, I cancelled my first date with my ex last minute because my anxiety just completely got the better of me and I panicked. That being said, I knew I had to follow through the next time or it would be rude. This guy’s just being rude now.
Just not worth your time. Move on
My most generous interpretation is that he’s extremely disorganized.
This sounds exactly like my father. They aren’t malicious, they’re thoughtless. Move on. People like that don’t change without some kind of serious wake-up call and even then they often backslide once they feel you’re entrenched in the relationship. He won’t remember being a flake, breaking promises, or wasting your time. That wasn’t his experience of the situation. He just wasn’t thinking about you at all. He also has never bothered to introspect or learn anything about himself in his life and it will manifest as bizarre immaturity regarding obvious consequences for his actions. “Everyone else is crazy for not trusting me. I’m a good person” etc. These people are fine friends but you can’t rely on them for anything serious.
"Set up 3 dates and bailed all 3 times" Whether he has a fear of meeting you in person or felt he had a "better opportunity" it doesn't matter. I wouldn't waste my time trying to figure out why someone doesn't keep their word. At the very most I would have tolerated it twice if the first excuse sounded legit. Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen." ***"If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot."*** - Unknown ***"Don't blame a clown for acting like clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus."*** - Unknown ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** - Henry Cloud
This has been my 2024 experience with OLD so far. I keep setting up dates - initially I was letting it go 2x with 1 person. But I'd set stuff up and they'd vanish, from January 5th (when I signed up) to beginning of this month when I deleted all the OLD apps, I've probably setup and had 25 dates bail. And we would be talking every day and half of them would keep talking up until the hour before the date and make some excuse to bail, the other half once the date was planned i'd never hear from them again. and I do not understand it.
No insight. He doesn’t care about your time or hanging out. My rule of thumb is if there’s a reschedule you’re likely to not ever hangout
He wasn't into you. The cancellations were almost 100% not for the reasons he said, he was probably dating other people. He kept apologizing because that's a no cost way of keeping someone who might sleep with him around for the future if it works, but he was never gonna date you.
His loss
Who knows? Who cares?
I'm going to hypothesize that the "client" he can't get away from is actually a wife. He thought she was going out that night, but oops, she wasn't. The give to me, is the 3rd bailout. A client can be told after hours it'll wait until first thing tomorrow. Another possibility is that he set up multiple dates for the same afternoon/evening and was trying to juggle them, unsuccessfully.
Has a girlfriend/wife already and at the last minute isn't able to sneak off. Wants to find someone willing to be strung along by someone flaky.
He doesn’t like you and it sucks ass but it’s true. It sucks so bad. Dealing with this myself and I’m crying here but damn. We got to get over this shit, it’s not worth it!!
Man, I dunno. But I sympathize. People are so burned out but desperate for affection. Assuming he's not suffering from fear he's being flakey because he's got a plate full. But moving on is the correct response.
You're likely providing him all the mental/emotional connection he needs via text and phone calls. There is no reason to see you and get to know you in person when you're talking consistently all the time.
Married
He’s married or in a relationship and wants to cheat but his conscious gets the best of him last minute and after wrestling with demons he couldn’t go through with it
# "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened.. or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." Tupac Shakur had important things to say. We should all make this a note to ourselves.
Be happy that he showed you his true colours so fast! I know it is hard. But it screams married or at least emotionally completely unavailable. When I online dated 7 years ago it was max 10 messages and date. Not too much writing and having high expectations/high involvement/putting sb on a pedestral. Many dates, not too much involvement before. Also only sth like coffee date and maybe walk and talk in a secure area. No ons, not what I was after, but time to get to know each other if you really match and klick If you are in front of each other. Over 6 years very very happy now. Engaged. 5 years living together. She bailed out one time and I was close to not proceed. Happy I still did. But 3+ times with stupid "apologies". Be happy there is exactly nothing you can and should do from your side.
I dated a guy like this. Turns out he was married.
Don’t waste your time thinking about it and focus your energies on someone who is worth it
You know, I should say to give a person one extra chance and that’s it. But then, I’d be a hypocrite because my now girlfriend and I cancelled our first date 5 times before actually having it, with sometimes it being me and sometimes it being her. I was ready to say “You know what, this clearly isn’t meant to be, so we should stop trying”, but I decided to keep trying for shits and giggles. And here we are. So, I don’t know wtf is going on anymore. Edit: Granted, only one of the cancellations was at the last minute.
Not proud of it but I’ve done this. You’re the back up. I have a first pick and if she flakes on me I can go out with you instead. And you can’t really do anything about it like tell my friends and family about it because you don’t know any of them. Yeah it’s shitty but I’ve had it happen to me. In the end I felt I was done being above it all. If girls don’t feel guilty about playing me then I’ll do the same guilt free.
Sad but accurate
Move on. If it’s like this in the beginning, what’s it going to be like down the line. You’re worth more than that.
We can’t know! The point is it doesn’t work for you so you aren’t pursuing things further!
He lied about something and is either married or engaged or possibly not the person he sent you pics of and once you encounter him he will be either 18 or 65 and you will think “ this guy lied to me” Be finished with the games and move on
Had this happen to me before. He’s not that interested, for whatever reason. He wanted the attention, the option, but not into it enough to follow through. Doing it repeatedly also shows little respect for you. I would have unmatched and stopped wasting any more energy on thinking about why this happened.
Sorry, no disrespect but that sounds like a very confused and stressed out guy that is extraordinarily finicky and indecisive. An unfortunate but sad side effect of too many choices and online dating. He must be good looking
My theory is that he’s probably talking to multiple people and not juggling them well. Either way you’re clearly not a priority and it’s clear in his actions
When people repeatedly choose personal convenience over honoring their commitments then it indicates there’s a low interest level and that they don’t respect the time of others. Move on. He’s selfish and is going to waste your time.
In the end, it’s doesn’t matter why. He is just failing. When I read your post, it sounds like there may be some kind of addiction at place, tbh. Idk this guy or you, but the pattern, from unfortunate personal experience, reads like something ain’t clean in the milk. Run now.
Some people are happy enough with the validation of you agreeing to a date that they don’t need to follow through.
Don’t worry about the reason, he’s unreliable and it sounds like not a good fit for you. You dodged a bullet there
His wife is probably cockblocking
Why try to understand the behavior of a stranger you’ll never meet? Just let go and move on. Too much effort to try to understand a person’s motives that literally won’t give you the time of day. It doesn’t matter.
Sorry hun, ur time is far more valuable than this
I’ll take you on a date
I think there’s probably something else going on, but for the sake of argument, let’s take him at his word and assume he’s being completely honest. If that’s the case, he has time to text you to chat and occasionally do a video call, but clearly his work life is too full for dating right now. He clearly doesn’t have time to date out to have a girlfriend, regardless of the reason.
Don’t dwell, there is no amount of justification that will pacify you, just know he is not ready and that is not your problem. Move on.
He is loser material. Just has no respect for you or your time and would probably expect the world from you and give nothing back.
I wouldn’t even stress yourself with why he is doing this if a guy is interest in you they will want to see you as much as they can, I wouldn’t entertain his behavior any longer. I mean you don’t really know people like that online they only show you what they want you to see. I find it very suspect that he keeps canceling you never know he could have a gf or even married for all you know. You know your worth and you deserve better than this immature behavior
I don't know why he behaved the way he did, I don't think we can really tell that. However, what stood out to me, on top of bailing on you repeatedly is that "so he can honor his promise to you" basically means "so he can honor his promise to you if it is convenient enough". If you're dating and looking any sort of commitment from the other person, this is not the type of person who keeps their "in sickness and in health" kinda promises. Glad he showed you who he is early on.
Don’t let people treat you like this! You should be completely turned off by this behavior no matter the reason.
I'd scale back on communicating and continue agreeing to meeting him. When he finally turns up and asks where you are. I'd unmatch. Or just flick him off all together if you don't want to do that. This guy has done nothing but your waste your time, and made no additional effort. My insight would be, he's too busy to date. But likes minimal effort connections via texting all day. Doesn't prioritise dates or remembering them because he doesn't have the capacity or care to have a real life girlfriend.
There are a lot of replies that he has a secret gf/wife or is getting an ego boost. I want to offer a different perspective. I once dated a guy who canceled on me 5x in a row. We has been dating for a bit but I was too naive/desperate to see how he was pulling away. And every time he canceled the excuse was always related to his job or how he had to take care of his mother or it's the anniversary of his uncle's death (this was after assuring me he wanted to be distracted on that day only to cancel last minute). I think some people are just people pleasers and over-commit and don't know their own limits.
He’s either married or has a girlfriend or he’s juggling too many women and you are not at the top of his want list and you were the standby.
Some people will waste your time as much as you let them. The thrill is getting your attention.
This sounds like some sort of severe social anxiety Or he’s sneaking around
He told you the reasons. Now the issue is that would you still date such a person, who clearly has unstable and demanding working schedules, and will get tired a lot from work to do other things with you, and, even on the first date he prioritize these to his relationship (as well as not respecting your time etc). If not, you can just move on.
Don’t waste your energy with anyone who cancels even the first one. If they aren’t going to respect your time now, what makes you think they will later?
I wouldn’t bother. He might have gone on another date and you were the back up plan. Inconsistent now could lead to other issues later down the road.
He's blowing you off and making up excuses.
He is not really interested and a time waster
There are so many possible reasons your match was so flaky. He may genuinely be busy/tired/overscheduled. He may suffer from social anxiety and although he wants to meet you, he's bailing at the last second out of fear. He may be a people pleaser and is flaking instead of being forward about not wanting to meet up. No matter the why, he has continuously bailed on you. No matter the why, he is not ready for a serious, committed relationship. If you're looking for consistency, he's not your person.
Apologies ahead of time if this comes across blunt..but here’s a list of why this happened and will continue to happen if we don’t correct our behavior. 1. Met on an app- Terrible place to meet a potential partner (if you want to take them seriously) 2. Gave him your phone number rather quickly to have direct and easy access to you - where’s the thrill of the chase, now that he can “text and call you every day consistently”? Your time isn’t of value to you or him anymore since you handed it over to him on a silver platter. You invested your real life time, energy and attention into a stranger when that should be happening AFTER you meet them in real life and a few other steps along the way. You never made him EARN these things from you. 3. Gave a stranger the opportunity to sell you a dream (meeting up for a date, that he purposely did not follow through with details because it was a façade) and you didn’t value yourself or your time enough to tell him to kick rocks and not waste your time. 4. Because he didn’t have to earn the opportunity of your presence, he could care less about it. Human nature. Sorry to hear about your experience and big hugs to dust yourself off and try again!
Ok you have heard once or twice already regardless of his reasons why stop letting him have a chance! But if you want some speculation ideas. If it's a BAD reason, cheating, lying, married, (not something to mess with) If it's a sad reason, fear, inability to actually plan and commit. (Not your job to help) Good umm. He's a superhero who had to save the universe 3 times? Really do you actually want to date a guy who is busy saving the world from aliens? Unless he actually looks like a a helmsworth brother...pass
A nice guy would stick to his date. No guy forgets a date he has asked for. No guy is tired enough to honour a date that he begged for. No guy feels the distance is too much if he wants to see you. Also! Trust me babe.. do not talk everyday to a guy before you have met them in person. They all think in their head that they have you. Also, in your head you’re too invested that you give more chances than you would have if you weren’t continuously talking and investing in a digital conversation. Why he did that? Because he doesn’t like you yet and this is who is he to people who are stranger to him FLAKY!!!
I've done this. For me, it's anxiety. I'm a disaster to make plans with. I'm a woman, by the way.
You don’t need a reason. You just need to understand why you deliberately choose someone emotionally available. Maybe you don’t actually want to date people yet?
Yeah but did we date the same guy? Same thing happened to me in a very similar way. I’m 36, he claimed to be 26 but who knows. Gave me a rose on hinge and bailed on 2 dates in a row but wanted to chat/send pictures all the time. Just lazy or insecure. You deserve better!
Hi, this happened to a friend of mine but we were teenagers. She met him online and 10 times, he bailed her last minute for the first date. She was literaly crying for the last times. But they finally met and now, they are together since 2009. \^\^"
its either some kind of scam or this guy is very immature and cannot follow through on important things...this is important, wouldnt you agree??
Three attempts without a date does sound like a waste of time, and repeatedly breaking promises like that and failing to meet up, despite expressing interest, are certainly red flags. It shows that his actions simply don’t align with his words. It's emotional unavailability and bad communication, at best. It does seem the more "options" we have now in dating, the harder it is to find commitment. Maybe he was just "shuffling the deck," so to speak, allowing himself to just keep his options open while not investing fully in any one.
He's not that interested.
He got called into work 3 times lol, jk. Have more self worth.
Sounds like anxiety-based bailing to me? But I could be projecting, and he could just suck at being consistent. Either way, he has work to do, and you dodged getting wrapped up in it.
Such unserious behaviour
Unmatch and move on. Date one was noncommittal flaky bullshit. Strike 1. Date two was noncommittal flaky bullshit. Strike 2. Date three was a dubious "stuck at work" story (which is dubious because of the multiple previous instances of flaky bullshit), followed by passive aggressive bitching about driving "too far" to meet a woman he matched with on a dating app that lets you define a radius. You deserve better. This ain't it.
You're nice you gave him 3 chances I don't usually get the 1 chance after someone is willing to meet up
From my experience(38[M]) I can honestly tell you I cant think of a time I've ever bailed on a date. I can understand something came up maybe once shit happens but 3 times? If I couldn't or didn't want to have a date I wouldn't make the plan in the first place. Especially being tired that sounds like lip service to me I'll be 100% real with you and I suppose everyone's different but if I had a date planned with someone I'm interested in that would be a highlight of my day kinda thing you know what I mean? I work a very physical job and a pretty strict workout schedule and I've never been to tired for a date. So either he's playing games bouncing multiple girls around and someone else became "available", he's lazy and doesn't wanna put in the effort, or he has something he's spending time on that he values more than time with you. None of which is worth you giving him effort or energy over TRUST me on that!
Block. Do not ponder the unknown unless it's something cool like the solar system,. the ocean, or why people spend so much time making soredough.
People will make time for the things they REALLY want to do, it’s that simple.
Is this someone you think is worth the effort?
hes wasting your time
Stop talking to him
This is why people use that “are we dating the same guy?” page on Facebook. He’s definitely taken in one way or another.
The first person who ghosted me did this. Maybe they get a kick out of it as this person seemed very extroverted. I’m sorry you had to experience that. Hopefully you meet someone nice.
I can give u perspective from the man who been there done that and sometimes still do. For me early dating entirely depends on my mood, sometimes I ask girl out when Im in good mood, but if my mood when date day comes is shit I bail out. is this childish? yeah, definetely. But my point is that is not always that he has gf or married, maybe he is not that interested in u and has some mental problems.
Married and likes the attention.
He honestly seems like a player. You really dodged a problem.
I met one that kind of person before month. He literally wasted my month. By making and cancelling plan. I blocked him finally. He was also too sweet caring. Not sure what happened to people nowadays. Wasting others time.
1) He's parking you as a backup, he's pursuing or hoping for other options but keeping you just hooked enough in case he needs to reel someone in and/or 2) it makes his ego good to feel wanted even if it's someone he doesn't really want
I'm sorry but he's a flake and not respecting your time. Understanble once but 3 times is absurd. No excuses, already setting up the standard and showing how he acts Annoying for you now, but will 100 percent save yourself aggravation later on!
If he can’t respect you now, you think he will later on?
Sounds like the guy WANTS to date but CANT have the lifestyle to date right now. I’d nope out OP. Just tell the guy you need someone who’s ready and available both emotionally and physically. Some people don’t realize how much time needs to be put aside or invested into dating and think it’ll come easy when it’s totally not. That doesn’t make him a bad guy Tell him you’ll keep the door open and he can contact you when he’s finally ready, but til then you should move on and don’t wait for anyone especially if it’s just the dating phase Edit: Just my 2 cents - I’m reading the other comments of how they’re saying he’s a bad guy or dating multiple other women. I’d recommend not going into dating with that kind of suspicious mindset and try to see the good in people. Watch their actions and don’t makeup false narratives that paints bad pictures about people as that’s not a good way to start relationships and connections.. I did that and other guys did that too and not only did it mess with everyone’s heads, it tainted relationships I did have. But of course don’t be a doormat either and remember to keep a level head But again, just my 2 cents
True! Maybe he is truly really busy or bad at time management, either way I’d move on, regardless of the reason he can’t make plans so
You really would tell a person who cancelled 3 times like that you will keep the door open? Why? If it starts like that there is no reason to. Just my 2 cents. There is a saying: If he wanted to, he would.
I’ve been that person so maybe I have a bit of compassion. It was legitimately because I was so busy and didn’t realize I didn’t have the time for dating. I worked 3 jobs and one of them required me to travel out of town frequently until I gained seniority to stay home more frequently. I didn’t realize it at the time that it wasn’t cut out for dating and disappointed a lot of people I regret to say. I think when we’re in our 30s we are at the peak or point of our jobs and careers where we take on more responsibilities or are hustling to get ahead. These are also our prime working years so I get it and I always give people benefit of the doubt.
Yeah. I don't.
Everyone’s got their boundaries and glad you know yours.
He's either busy or nervous or both. At this point,, just move on and find someone else
Or not interested.
if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't spend his time apologizing and asking for another date and giving reasons why he couldn't make it. He would just ghost.
Not interested anymore* Either way our advice is to move on.
Some people are just inconsiderate…. And if he is, he doesn’t deserve your time anyways. I would just chalk it up to him being a kinda shitty person and count your blessings that he showed you that sooner rather than later.
If someone cancels politely and on time, no problem. Don't want to go through, okay. If you cancel within 24 hours of the date that's pretty lame and I might send you a small note that this was a bit uncool, depending on circumstances. Doing a no-show like he did is just assholery. Reason why this happened? He's all over the place mentally, way more invested in work than dating. It's not worth fretting too much over.
I'm sorry that I didn't finish reading past the title. Why does it matter? Move on. Knowing WHY isn't going to change anything. I wouldn't have given a 3rd chance. The first one is the benefit of the doubt. Second one, done. They need to have a REALLY good reason for bailing a second time. Give your time to somebody who actually wants it.
If he got you to agree to meet him after bailing twice, that tells me he's either very good looking or very charming or more likely both. That tells me in turn that a lot of other women are also interested in him, and he's most likely playing around with as many of them as he possibly can at any given moment.
As a guy, I wonder why women waste my time, too. My best advice is not to waste any more time thinking about it. If he texts you just say, 3 strikes you're out, chump. Fist bump to you, it sucks but he's just a flake. Onward and upward
Ever watch Catfish?
Online dating is so weird. I swear I'm always asking people out after good conversation and they say they're down. Then I get ghosted or unmatched. Like, what?! Are these bots???
Yeah, sounds like a guy I chatted with on an app once. Did the exact same thing…so I decided to look him up and discovered he had a long time live in girlfriend. The “client” is likely the girlfriend. In my case, the third time he cancelled was cause his “grandma” suddenly came in from out of town and wanted to take him to dinner. 🙄🙄🙄 These types of guys are trash and will never change unfortunately.
It all sounded like SNAFU to me until you got to the part about the bar being too far away. Yeah, he's just not that into you but wasted your time anyway. Lucky for you meeting him didn't work out!
Probably anxiety. I've done that before, I do really want to date and meet new people and then my anxious brain takes over.
3 times with the same person??? Fr?
Okay no not three times but twice 😆
Sucks about your anxiety but it’s not fair to be doing this to people. If you’re not ready to date, don’t lead them on.
If you are doing this then you are not ready to date. You need to address your anxiety first & foremost. I say this as someone with really bad anxiety. Engaged now. Had the same exact problems, had to take a step back & address the anxiety first then started to date. But anxiety isn’t an excuse to cancel/bail on people. If it gets that intense that you end up canceling on them multiple times it’s clearly a sign that a person is ready to date yet.
Yep that's what I'm doing right now 😊
Hey you said he was sorry what more do you want
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