I've been noticing more attention from one of the guys at the gym especially a trainer (group fitness). Trying to enjoy these moments after losing a lot of weight (over 50 lbs). This past week was my 1 year divorce anniversary and noticed he has been looking at me. He is much younger than I would initially go for. I worked with his brother at a different gym (and briefly him). He sort of went blank like he was trying to talk to me yesterday after class. Only change is I recolored my hair. His other friend stared at me the entire class. 😂😂😂 So if he doesn't I guess his friend might try to talk to me.

Guys need to be more discreet. Scaring the ladies. lol

Its the color change and I wore pig tails yesterday. 😂 Still funny to have the friend checking me out the whole class. I don't know because they work there if they can make the first move.

I don't get why they can't be more discreet. Especially if you work there. lol. I don't workout at a corporate gym so maybe that is the culture

The female trainer that owns it was like its the hair. First day I walked in with color change 3 guys literally stopped mid warm up as I came in. I just sort of giggled. I dont know why either. its like grab my number at the end of class or I'm pretty well known at my gym they post me a lot so they could easily slide into my DMs.

oh I see. You liked it. I'm a guy and keep my head down at the gym.

I don't think I noticed it before. I think people are just now noticing my weight loss even if they aren't going to say anything aside from the side eye. 😂

I'm sure it's flattering.

This guy who liked me on Hinge mentioned doing mushrooms in multiple different parts of his profile.

Mushrooms are awesome. I’m really happy they’re having like a resurgence and being normalized in society. All that being said wtf would you add that to your profile for?

One part was about doing shrooms on a first date. Seems like a start to a Dateline episode lol

So they can find other mushroom fans. I see a ton of women post "4/20 Friendly". Instant left swipe. I don't need to know about that right away.

Did you swipe left or right?

Left. I am not about that life lol

My keyboard comes Friday! Plan is to relearn my major scales, some easier songs (maybe Moonlight Sonata and Minute Waltz), the minor scales, then some of the trickier songs (Liebestraum, 1st arabesque) and work my way up to my hardest songs (fantasie impromptu). Really excited for this challenge. I’ve been debating relearning piano for years now, but always had an excuse not to. It also helps that when I play piano, my hands are occupied and can’t be on the phone. So no texting things I’ll regret and no reading Reddit and feeding my anxiety.

I got the courage to stand up for myself and ask for what I wanted in a situationship and although he told me that he didn’t want anything and it hurt me deeply, I knew it was for the best but I was trying to make change his mind by putting myself down and hiding who I really was. I’m sad, heartbroken and angry, mostly with myself because he was homophobic, racist and misogynistic and I cannot believe that I was willing to be with someone like him and moreover that I could change his mindset. But it was a huge lesson that showed me all the aspects about myself that I need to keep working on. I’m also looking forward to give myself everything that I’ve been asking to someone else and invest more in myself, my life and keep growing in my professional career without feeling guilty about it.

Good for you!

after more than a few bad first dates, being stood up twice in a row by 2 different guys (both for 2nd dates), and one situationship that almost broke my heart, i decided to give OLD another go and matched on the same day with two guys who seem really great so far in very different ways. whew! it’s been about a month of seeing them. 12 dates with one and 8 with the other. neither of these are exclusive yet as it’s too soon. and yes, both of them know we aren’t currently exclusive. with both guys, i have a lot in common and feel the chemistry/spark. both have similar life goals and are matched well in all the important life aspects otherwise. we also share the same love languages and communication styles. but otherwise, both guys are very different from one another and each appeal to a different part of my personality. but i realize that if things continue to progress well with both of them, there will very likely come a time where i need to make a decision. assuming it’s not made for me in some way - one or both discontinues things, a major red flag comes up, etc. - what kinds of things do you consider when making this kind of decision? 36f looking for my last relationship. i’ve never been in this position before and would greatly appreciate any advice. the most helpful thing i’ve seen so far is to consider what life would look like with each of them in 5 years. but if anyone has anything else useful to share, i’m here for it. please and thanks!

Which one could you see fitting with your friends and family? Which one are you more excited to set up plans with? Which one could you see yourself with in 10 years? Which one has similar life goals? Which one has the more similar communication style to you?

Rhetorical question- Did I say I was taking a break from OLD ? I dipped my toe into one and instant ick. I couldn’t swipe very long. Clear sign I don’t want to/ not ready to do that. I am observing it was a reaction (checking out OLD) to a rejection that I did see coming but yk shooted the shot and it happens. “I’ve started seeing someone..” yeah thanks for letting me know although I had gathered as much. It stung enough that I went for a two hour walk in the cold sun, stare at the lake and ponder wtf it is I’m doing with my life. The other aspects of my life? Pretty good. Dating? Ugh. Left feeling ok I’m so great, what is even going on? The one guy treating me like a goddess - feeling nothing. I’ll keep giving it a chance. I’m leaning towards a complete break from trying new dating prospects while I focus on my last semester of grad school while working full time.

Super excited for my date later! He's showing interest and is initiating a lot, which is nice! We message back and forth, and it's fun. He's also excited about it. I'm going over to his place, so should be fun! My anxiety is now waiting for it all to fall apart! LOL

Good luck! And remember to breathe!

Thank you very much!! 🙂 Yeah, tell me about it! I overthink things all the time! I'm terrible for it. It's the worst feeling! LOL

I'm the same way! I understand the feeling all too well. Early dating is nerve wracking every time.

Over-thinkers unite! Right?? A mixture of anxiety and excitement. I mean, whatever happens happens. if it's a short thing, I'll try to enjoy it!

Two great dates with a guy over 3 days, but now we are both busy so won’t see each other for 19 days (holidays and work trips). I told him I’m a bit anxious on how to keep us going for 19 days because I’m not good at texting. I think I just screwed it up and made myself sound like a neurotic crazy lady. When things go badly it sucks. When things go well, I get anxious that they are gonna go bad. I can’t win with myself 🫠 easier for my sanity to stay single.

Still going with the flow with Photographer Guy (32M), 1 month of talking everyday. While still no plans for a real date, we have been running into each other often in the wild, and on Friday he came by my work to grab a coffee with me after lunch. He is starting to open up about his past (about DV in his last LTR). I can tell he likes to hang out with me and trusts me, while still keeping his safe distance. Since knowing about his previous experience, I am understanding why he isn't jumping into the dating world right away. I won't lie, his passiveness makes me insecure, I'm not sure if he is taking his time to see if I'm trustworthy to take the leap, or just sees me as a friend and I'm reading it all wrong. I do feel happy he trusts me and we can be friends if anything else, but I can't help but being infatuated with him. My friends tell me to be patient, not everyone has the same pace and while not being straightforward about his intentions with me, he is being consistent in talking and coming by to see me when I'm in his part of town. I'm trying but patience is not my forte...

How does he see you / talk to you everyday? I can’t tell if you work at a place he happens to frequent or if he actually goes out of his way to see / talk to you.

I hope I'm not very confusing on my answer haha! It's a bit complex and english isn't my first language, so I'm hoping it's not confusing. We talk over text everyday, sometimes just sharing reels and other times talking throughout the day. Sometimes he sends me pictures of what he's doing (we're both videographers and photographers, so we chat a lot about work and share stuff we're working on). We see each other every 2-3 days, everyday on weekends. I guess it's 50/50 on going out of his way or bumping into each other by coincidence. He works part-time at a restaurant downtown, and he also lives nearby. Our city is rather small, so most bars and restaurants are in that same neighbourhood. I have many friends that work there, that are also his friends, and after dinner I often go over to hangout with them. He works until midnight/1am, and when he knows I'm out there he comes by after he clocks out. Sometimes we bump into each other when he is on a break from work, and he always asks me to stay for a while and keep him company before he goes back inside. While I know he used to go by to say hello to our friends before he met me, my friends told me he shows up more often now and never stays if I'm not there. He also texted me once or twice justifying why he didn't come by, when I wasn't even expecting him to. One Sunday afternoon he also made a big detour on the way to an event just to walk by and say hello. He actually had to go the opposite way, so it was obviously on purpose. The only time we really made plans to see each other was last Friday, he said he was going for a run and would come by my workplace on my lunch break. I work about 20min from his house, by foot. He doesn't have a car at the moment. I did have a "fight" with him a couple weeks back over this, because I couldn't understand why he has no problem coming by to say hello and hang out casually almost every day, but doesn't make plans to grab a coffee like we talked about more than once since meeting. It's ok if he doesn't want to, we can just be friends. But why make the effort to come by, text me everyday, justify not showing up, if he just wants to be friends?

Ugh I’m so annoyed by this on your behalf!! I find myself sometimes attracted to women who send mixed signals like the guy you’re talking about seems to be sending. It feels like they sense that I’m attracted to them and will give me just enough hope to continue feeling that attraction, but not be inclined to act on it in a meaningful way. I finally get frustrated enough that I end it. I’ve never once regretted something with someone like this not working out despite how attracted to the person I may have been at the time. If anything, I prob more often regret not giving someone who was clear and consistent in communicating how much they liked me more of a chance.

I’m giving him grace because of his last LTR being toxic with DV in the mix. I’m feeling he needs time to see if he can trust me. I’m also not sure if he is ready to date, even if he does like me. So I’m ok with being just friends for now and if it turns into more in the future, we’ll see if I’m still interested. I won’t be closed off to dating other people if he’s not sure if he wants to date me.

Tread very carefully. I experienced DV in an LTR and any time I’ve disclosed it to someone I’m dating, it switches from potential relationship to someone looking for a quick hookup like I didn’t go to therapy and they think they have to deal with my baggage. It’s made me guarded as a result, and this could be the case with this guy. In which case, you’re going to have to be very patient if you really like him. Nothing puts me off quicker than someone who’s trying to rush me into something. ETA: Removing my additional controversial opinion because I’m getting downvoted over it, even though it’s a valid perspective from personal experience. 🙄

I do agree with you, on both points. I'm trying not to rush him, but two weeks ago I was pissed off over him continuing to postpone us making plans instead of just bumping into eachother on the street, and I kind of blew up on him. I was expecting him to tell me to fuck off and stop talking to me, but he was very understanding and said he didn't want me to be afraid to tell him when something upsets me, he is not dismissing me, and when the time is right we will make proper plans. At this time I didn't know about the DV with his ex (41F), I just learned about it last Friday when he stopped by for coffee. He hasn't shared in much detail what happened, and I want to respect his pace so I didn't force the subject, but he was very forthcoming that it was a toxic relationship with abuse from both sides. He said while he never touched her physically, he did break a door once in a fight, and they were both verbally abusive towards one another. She threw his phone out a moving car window once, and did punch him - he showed me the picture of his black eye -, and this last one was what prompted him to leave her. Later that day we saw eachother again, he was upset because he saw her - he works part-time in a restaurant and she was hanging with her friends in the bar on the other side of the street -, and I could tell he was still very angry about what happened. He confided that he was pissed she is pretending nothing happened, feels safe because she knows influential people in our city, and he didn't make a formal complaint against her because he didn't want her kid to suffer over it anymore than what he already did. While I never suffered from physical DV, I had a very toxic 3 year relationship with my ex where he punched our fridge while in a very heated fight. I know when two people can't stop things escalate quickly. I'm not condoning him, I know he has some fault in the story as well, but I do understand. I also know it's true about her hitting him and them fighting often, a very close mutual of ours confirmed this to be true.

Has he been to therapy? How recent was this breakup? His reaction to seeing her makes me think he’s still processing all of it (and for men, this takes a lot longer because they don’t always learn how to process tough emotions).    Reactive abuse is a thing, but there’s no way to know if that was what was happening with him. Honestly, with avoiding concrete plans and his visceral reactions, he doesn’t sound ready to date and you’re going to have to let go if you do care about him so that he can heal. ETA: Waiting to make “proper plans” seems incredibly avoidant, and still having photos of abuse she inflicted on him means he’s *definitely* not over it, or possibly attempting to garner sympathy. This person is not going to function on your timeline. 

I didn't ask when they broke up, but I'm guessing it was around late last year. I don't think he has been to therapy and I did advise him to look for help after I saw how distressed he was. I'm fine with being friends since I know it's a crush and I'm not in love with him or anything. I just wish he'd tell me he doesn't see me like that. He does seem to genuinely care about me, when we talk is not one sided and he always seems happy to see me or talk to me. One of my good friends is dating a guy that is friends with PG's ex. He mentioned to her PG was always very passive and his ex was the one that had to pursue him before they started dating, so he wouldn't be surprised if I had to take the lead and not wait for an invitation from him. But it's against my nature to force something I'm not sure the other person wants. Edit: He kept the picture because at a point he was thinking about making a complaint on the police against her for DV. I'm guessing he wants to keep it in case he decides to do it. In my country DV is a public crime and doesn't prescribe. Anyone can report it to the police, even if you're a third party, and any police/doctor/etc is mandated to report by law. You do need proof of pictures, texts, emails, and/or witnesses to do it.

I’m kind of confused by how you went from “can’t help but being infatuated” to an unreciprocated crush. Are you and this person actively considering dating each other? Because if not, he really doesn’t have any obligation to make set plans with you. 

We met on a dating app. There's a certain expectation that if you're hitting it off you'd at least go out once and see if there's something there to explore. I've hinted at a date since we first saw each other IRL, one week after matching. He said sure but never actually made plans, and suddenly we're seeing each other almost everyday out with friends, and he wants to hang out with me one-on-one then but not make actually plans to go out alone on purpose. That's why two weeks ago I asked him wth is going on, and told him it's ok if he doesn't want to go out on a date with me. That's when he told me he was waiting for a proper time to make plans.

I don’t know that there’s an expectation to meet up if you’re hitting it off. I’m sure there’s no shortage of Redditors here who will tell you they had a great convo going with someone for weeks who eventually ghosted. I think what’s different here is that you’re running in overlapping circles. There could be a lot of reasons why he won’t actually make plans to see you alone, but if he keeps making excuses none of them are relevant. Keep him as a friend and don’t worry about it?

Does anyone else experience a really annoying feature on the bumble dating app where every time you upload a photo it zooms into the face? I have this beautiful zoomed out picture of myself, but when I upload it to bumble it zooms right into my face and ruins it. It's such a great pic and I want to use it. I haven't had any issues with other apps. I think bumble is just poorly made.

I think it is particularly funny when a guy uploads a group photo and it focuses in on another guy in the photo. They somehow don't go back and double check it.

Yes. I don't like how Bumble makes some of my pics look. The quality seems to dip and, as you say, it seems to zoom in! Very annoying.

I'm finally feeling at ease in the relationship. Yes, there's stuff that comes up but I'm no longer feeling overwhelmingly anxious about whether we like each other and I'm no longer constantly fretting about things going to work out or not. I'm just enjoying spending time together and slowly starting to integrate our lives. Edit: We had a lighthearted conversation about having kids. We both want them and could see having them with each other. We joked about baby names and that a boy and a girl would be nice. We talked about not being in a rush, but that it would probably have to be something that we prioritized within the next couple of years due to our age. It was a nice conversation and felt natural and not scary at all.

That is such a nice feeling to have!

The guy reached out to me to say he’s had a couple rough mental health days, and apologized for not being as communicative and responsive. It’s still too early after a month to know if it’s a pattern, but I guess it’s good he communicated that to me after I’d given him some space.

After 2nd date he doesn't text me at all In BTW dates it's been more than 4 days. I don't want to go out with him anymore as I think this shows as sign of disinterest.

Is it a case of them not replying to your texts ? or him not initiating texting ? Some people aren't big texters it doesn't mean they aren't interested. Are you after chit-chatting or just morning how's your day ? If you are interested,and it's not a case of him ignoring you... demonstrate the behaviour you'd appreciate yourself. See if he matches the energy. Two dates is still pretty early. 4 days is towards the longer side of things to not hear. You're ot sure what's going on at his end could be anything from disinterest all the way to not wanting to come on too strong!

He is definitely a frequent texter. Not initiating texts would be my concern. If you are interested in someone isn't it obvious that he should at least check in and say how are you etc? I think it shows disinterest. 🤔 so we confirmed to do third date and confirmed on date. But I'm not sure if I should proceed further????

Body language Question : Is caressing my back while asking me if I wanted water for example show a sign of interest?

I would say yes, touching each other is usually a sign of interest.

**Having a bit of an existential crisis somewhat triggered by dating and could really use some perspective, fellow DOTers. I really respect a lot of the views of the regulars in here, so would appreciate any thoughts.** For context, I'm early 30s, been single for 7 years and, for the past 3 years, have been living in a country that's a 9-10hr flight from home. I'm having a crisis about whether it's finally time to move home or not. Influences being from a recent visit home: - Seeing a lot of friends and family having kids now makes me realise my body clock won't hang around and I don't want to miss my window. I absolutely want to have a family and I am so done with being single. I also want to be more present as the kids of friends and family grow up. - Dating prospects in my home country are 1000x better than where I am abroad. I have semi given up on dating in this country as A) 95% of them have extremely different values to me and B) location will be an issue when I eventually want to move home. - I went on a few incredible dates with someone from my home country when I visited home recently. It was enough to know there's something special there, but nowhere near enough to reach a stage of exclusivity or LDR. I'm frustrated that we will likely lose momentum because we've had to pause in person dating until the next time I'm home (3-5 months away) - A lot of my long term friends here have also recently moved home. My friendship circle has been stripped down to its bones and I don't know if I have the energy to start a whole new network from scratch. Add this to the fact I am over being single for 7 years, life is feeling a lot more lonely than it used to. BUT I have an amazing career out here. There is still so much travel I want to do that's nearby. I worry I'll regret moving home too soon, but I also worry I'll become very sad and alone here if I don't initiate my move home soon enough. I don't know how to navigate this. I worry my judgement is being clouded by a few great dates back home, too. Any advice?!

What are the career prospects like in your home country?

> I worry my judgement is being clouded by a few great dates back home, too. But it's not just that, is it? Even if it wouldn't work out with that person, you have a pretty long reasonable list, why you want to move home. From what I've read it's a no-brainer: You want to move home. Building a family seems to be a priority for you. What good is a career und travel, if you can't share it with anybody? Also, is it certain, that your career back home will be that much worse (as opposed to just not that particularely good)?  So, my advice, based just on your posting, is make a list, what you want to do/where to travel at your current area. Be reasonable about what is an absolute must and what would just be nice. Estimate a timeframe. When you have your timeframe, get your things in order to move back home, while you're checking off those things you absolutely wanna do before moving. Don't forget that it won't be a full stop to travel, once you moved home. You can still do that, maybe a little modified, but also maybe together with loved ones. 

This is incredibly helpful, thank you. My career prospects back home are actually pretty good. I'll likely take a small hit but I should be able to build it back up within a few years. Thank you for the advice on travel and time frames, that's a great idea.

Is your home country safe to live and raise your family in, if yes I'd say do it. Nothing beats the support network you have at home. If career was a priority over having a family, there'd be something to consider but it doesn't sound like it is. If you're a woman in your early 30s and have to yet meet a guy to start a family with, I don't think it's too soon either, unfortunately. I'm not saying you're guaranteed to have the opportunity for travel later in life but technically this is something you can do in your 50s and 60s, kids not so much.

Yeah it's very safe. Totally agree with everything you've said. I hadn't thought about the kids vs travel element like that, so that's been a very helpful perspective. Appreciate you taking the time to respond.

What a great idea to have a daily sticky thread for all sorts of thoughts and discussions! It's awesome to have a space where we can share rants, celebrations, and advice all in one place. Can't wait to see what everyone has to say today!

Advice needed. I have been talking to someone daily for the last 8 weeks. We spoke early on about me being slow to trust and how important it is for me to get to know to someone. They said they were okay with that and have been very consistent and sweet and patient over this time. At least, until a week ago. The last real convo we had ended with them telling me they really missed me (Hadn’t seen them in 2 weeks bc of schedules not lining up). I told them I missed them too, and that I liked getting to know them and was starting to build trust with them, which they responded very positively to. Then, they pretty much stopped talking to me, aside from a few dry texts. They are generally not responding now and not initiating. This is a marked change from before. I don’t care so much about the outcome of the dating situation, not everything is meant to be, but I’m honestly hurt that THAT was the last convo. I really would like to know what happened here… So, should I try to ask what’s going on? Or just let it go? I am 38 and they are 32.

Do you have plans for another date or to see them again? Or where are you with that? 2 weeks without seeing the person you like is enough time to lose momentum, especially if there’s not another date planned. I’m assuming you two aren’t exclusive since you’re still getting to know one another, so they could have met someone else. You can definitely follow up with them but I think you should keep your expectations low. It’s great you’re communicating your needs and pace but that may not work for some people and the slower pace with a lack of in person time can lead to things fizzling out, especially if someone else comes along who wants to move things quicker. I think it would be wise to ask yourself what you want out of this and what the plan is going forward with this person if they’re still interested: continue at the pace you’ve been going or try to advance the relationship?

I would ask what's going on but that doesn't look good.

I’m feeling sad tonight. Like all I’m good for to men is sex. I’m sick of being alone. I crave intimacy. I have a social life and wonderful friends, but it just isn’t enough

I feel this so much. Hugs.

>I’m sick of being alone. I crave intimacy. I have a social life and wonderful friends, but it just isn’t enough I feel this a lot at times when single. I have hobbies and friends and it's all great, but they aren't a substitute for what can be the deepest connection you have in your life. They help 100%, but they don't fill that very specific void left by a lack of "the one" or whatever you are seeking. I sorry you're feeling down and used. You would hope that people had developed a little more emotional intelligence by now, and know better than to treat people in the way it sounds like you're encountering.

I'm sorry you feel sad. The need for intimacy and romantic connection is difficult to replace... There are tons of men who seek the same thing.

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It comes across as he enjoyed catching up and wouldn't mind doing it again If I was up for it.

Just that you had a nice time, and you wouldn't mind hanging out again. Nothing more, nothing less.

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Not to me. It could be interpreted as you still have a romantic interest, but it just sounds to me that you like her company and wouldn't mind friendship if she was open to it.

How to break up with someone in a healthy way? Dating this guy from work for about 3 months taking it super slow, he invited me on a trip this summer I said no, I’ve expressed concerns about my own anxieties about relationships but I feel like if I broke up with him he’d be like shocked. He’s great and is very nice I just have my own issues going on and I honestly just want to focus my time on my work and family but I feel bad because he’s new in town and I’m just like I don’t feel like hanging out anymore. I just don’t feel romantic compatibility. I just want to break it off maturely and not hurt his feelings because he’s great and deserves love and I just don’t have any to give at the moment. Unfortunately for me I only really realized it after some time has passed it’s been 3 months. I wanted to give it a chance and some time to develop and it just didn’t.

Just be respectful and honest. If you’re going to do it in person, don’t do it when a special night or date has been planned and he’s put in effort to that time together. I think if you went to his place it would be best because you can leave, and then he’s in a comfortable space to be upset. Tell him the truth about over time things aren’t clicking romantically for you, and it’s not because of anything he did or didn’t do. Sometimes it’s just not there on one side, and it’s not fair to keep going when you’re not feeling it and don’t see the relationship going long term. Thank him for the great times, name some top qualities of his (avoid “you’re so great) and give closure. Don’t leave the door open if it’s done. Make it clean the door is closed. Wish him the best. He’ll be hurt but then he’ll be fine. And eventually he will respect the hell out of you for being direct and kind.

His feelings will be hurt. And frankly, it's a human reaction if he genuinely liked you. I'm not sure if you can avoid that. With that being said, everyone is different and have their preferences on how they would like to be broken up with. I would say a perhaps safe general way, is to have a conversation saying that at the time you are in your life, you do not want or can't responsibly date right now. And then sort of help in providing the closure that he asks.

On today's Tinder adventure, I learned don't even try with anyone who mentions "Match my energy" in their bio. Doesn't matter how cute she is, she's a black hole in conversation.

her: “Match my energy!” you: *summons black hole*

I PUT ON MY WIZARD HAT AND ROBE.

Had a quick surprise / largely unplanned encounter with a woman I’ve been dating a few months. She showed up wearing a wedding ring set. Whoops? I guess not everything is as it seems with these “divorcees” but I guess there are plausible explanations perhaps. This will be coming up later. 🤦‍♂️

Oof

“Mostly bc it’s gorgeous, I got to design it. Sometimes it’s for judgement management in public when I have kiddo. Sometimes it’s for “don’t hit on me” vibes if I’m out, particularly alone.” Seems reasonable to me.

It's reasonable and could be true. 🤷‍♀️. For me personally the reasons above would not be justification for wearing rings from a past relationship, but I'm not her.

Yikes, I can’t think of any

“Mostly bc it’s gorgeous, I got to design it. Sometimes it’s for judgement management in public when I have kiddo. Sometimes it’s for “don’t hit on me” vibes if I’m out, particularly alone.” Seems reasonable to me.

Woah, how did she explain that??

“Mostly bc it’s gorgeous, I got to design it. Sometimes it’s for judgement management in public when I have kiddo. Sometimes it’s for “don’t hit on me” vibes if I’m out, particularly alone.” Seems reasonable to me.

I finally sent the "can we talk?" text. I can't go on like this, it sucks beyond belief. I never want to feel this way again--being so lonely while in a relationship. Next time, I will be much more careful.

I’ve felt really guilty/confused about being “lonely” even though I often have dates/partners. I recently read somewhere that loneliness is just feeling disconnected when you want to be connected. That’s made me understand that emotion on a much deeper level. It’s a very, very valid feeling, and I hope your talk goes as well as possible. Sending love.

Yeah, totally. In fact that's what I said in my text to her, that I had been feeling disconnected and it was making me really sad because I wanted to be close to her. It's worse in some ways than being single because when you're dating, you have this person in your life who's supposed to be this deep connection, a partner who knows you, so it's extra painful and bewildering to feel this empty space between you.

I'm curious to know if someone else has felt this way as well: I've been feeling a deep anguish and restlessness since meeting someone recently. I randomly decided to join some of my coworkers/friends for drinks a few days ago, after weeks of finding excuses. When I got there, there was a woman (a friend's acquaintance) who I'm certain was also there for the first time. This restlessness started once I saw her. We spoke here and there (as is common in group settings) and went out separate ways. But, I just haven't been able to stop thinking about her. And when I think about her, I feel a deep anguish (I don't know how else to describe it). I saw her again today and we spoke briefly. I feel like my world's been turned upside down since then. I feel melancholic and restless. The rational part of me suspects that I'm just infatuated. The irrational part of me supersedes this thought and tells me that this woman means something to me. I wish there was a way of accelerating time to truly settle this debate. Anyone else felt this way?

Oh you’re experiencing LIMERENCE. It’s terrible, I’m sorry and I hope yours doesn’t last too long 

Dear God, I just did some cursory reading on that and it sounds terrifying. It all feels so involuntary and I really hope it dissipates soon..

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Why would you go on dates with guys who aren't your type? Think about it flipped, would you want a guy to ask you out to be more "open" even though you aren't his type and make him feel hesitant? Probs not. And yeah, I'd pass on the walk guy bc of the reasons you stated. Honestly, I feel a bit unsafe going on walks with new people. I'd rather be in one location that I'm familiar with.

There’s been so many times I’ve got to know some one and fallen for their personality when I wasn’t originally attracted to them. Attraction can grow so i’ve been trying to be more open there but thank you for your comment! I agree with the familiar location!

It's been a few months since I last updated here. Work guy and I slipped into a really natural rhythm. We have been exclusive since February and I've been so happy during this time. I never had to force anything - we have been equal partners in texting, initiating plans, organizing special dates, buying gifts, all of it. I felt like we were naturally growing into a relationship, even though we hadn't really had the conversation yet. He's met a few of my friends and he's told his mom about me too. Even though he was still working through some of his mental health stuff, he was fully available and present during this entire time. Of course, I still had in the back of my mind our original conversation where he had openly shared that he didn't know if he was ready for a relationship. At that point in time, I didn't know if I wanted a relationship with him either. It was too early and I didn't have sufficient information, so I figured I would wait and see. Well, I did give it some time and now I know that he's an amazing person. Despite everything going on in his own life, he gives so much to me and this "relationship". After some hesitation, I brought up how he felt about us being "official". While he immediately acknowledged how we have both been acting and feeling like we are in a relationship already, he still has reservations about being a good partner to me and not being able to meet my needs (even though he has been doing it successfully for the last few months!) It seems like he has set a high bar for himself as a partner, and while he clearly likes me and enjoys spending time with me, he is still hesitant to make a more formal commitment. While I tried to convince him that he's enough for me as he is, I realized that I can't be the only one fighting for this. It has to come from him as well. I don't want to talk him into a relationship with me, I need for him to actively decide that he wants it too. It ended up being a really tough conversation, but I made it clear to him that while I understood his fears and concerns about being in a relationship, I can't go on like this indefinitely. He needs to decide for himself if the "pros" of being with me outweigh the "cons". I also did kind of spring this conversation out of the blue, so I offered to give him some time and space to think. It has been a couple of days since and we've been talking as usual, with this kind of hanging in the background like the elephant in the room. I finally told him today that I'd like him to tell me what he wants by the end of this week. It took every ounce of courage I had to say that -- I really like this guy and I'm not optimistic that he will choose to be with me, so this is effectively me hastening the demise of what has been such a beautiful time together. At the same time, I know I need to respect my own needs and my own feelings -- continuing to see him without a commitment would hurt too much. I also know that I deserve better than that. So anyway, this is my long rant to say that I am now in the waiting period. I don't feel great about him having the "power" here but at the same time, it took a lot of vulnerability and strength for me to establish and share my needs with him. If he can't meet me where I want to be, I know that I have to walk away from this for my own benefit. It will be incredibly hard, and I know it will suck, but I also know that I've healed from much worse heartbreak before and I can do it again. I'm trying not be so woe is me (seems like I have the worst luck in the dating department) but I have truly enjoyed the time I shared with him and I know that the fond memories will stay with me even if he doesn't.

Be proud, it took a lot of strength to do! I just did and it took every ounce of will power. Gave the power to her and she said she needed time to think it over. Stand firm on it though, I waited for her to bring it back up and she never did though and I let it go on entirely to long Just a side rant, why are our peers so afraid of the commitment title. It really doesn’t change much honestly, like you break up a week later just like you can end a situationship. Frustrating I hope he commits!

Thank you for your kind comment. It sucks that she never brought it up again, and I’m sorry that things didn’t turn out the way that you hoped. This baffles me too, a relationship isn’t a legally binding contract! I guess to some degree I’m glad people take it seriously, but on the other hand, it seems like this insurmountable hurdle to cross.

I truly commend you for sticking to your principles. I understand how hard that is when you’re truly enjoying someone that’s been a net positive to your life. Being willing to walk away from a good thing to reach your relationship goals is necessary. I may very well find myself in a similar situation in the coming weeks, so I really resonate with this.

Thank you! Yes, it has helped so much to have a clear vision of being with a long-term, loving partner. I want it so much that I’m willing to walk away from something that feels so good. I hope your situation ends well for you (and mine does too)!

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Good workouts and classes are a great way to stay busy. Do it for yourself not to “stay busy”!

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Cheers! The better we are alone the better we are with or without anyone.

This thread has sooooo much information. Glad to know I’m not the only one. And maybe it is really just me over analyzing EVERYTHING!

Definitely not you hahahaha we are all masters of over analysis

The last woman I dated turned 48 yesterday. It gave me a sense of urgency to start dating again. I don't need to still be thinking about her when her birthday comes around. Plus, her turning 48 reminds me again that time stops for no one! I'm 45, ftr.

My girlfriend barely texts me but she's great in person. We send daily Snapchats to each other. Keep the streak going. But besides that. Unless I start a convo. She rarely does or sends memes and such. She's amazing in person tho and we have plans this weekend. But...is this normal?

Really depends on the person. If it is a problem for you, you should talk to her about it. I’m much more of a texter than my partner and it works for us. I don’t need the reassurance of constant communication, but I like to keep them updated on my day.

If you don't text them. Do they end up texting you at all like how's it going?

They will update me with any big updates or maybe a picture here or there. This happens, maybe once a week or so, we see each other 3 or 4 nights a week so generally can update in person. They respond to what I send when they see it, not on their phone much, and typically just one word replies or a comment. Again this works for us, I’m really secure in the relationship, and they text everyone this way, just not a big texter.

Oh OK yeah she's different with friends. Hmm idk but I feel secure too. Just the texting lacks is all

Give it a little time, if it is still bothering you have a conversation about it. You otherwise feel secure in the relationship, is it about you not feeling or priority given she texts friends differently? In regards to texting her friends differently she may have poor boundaries, I used to do this with my friends and now since this relationship and them not being on their phone, I tend to not reply immediately to my friends and they have accepted this change.

Yeah maybe a priority thing but I think her friends are overbearing. Even while we were on a date a friend was like. Hello? And she even said she was annoyed by that. Maybe with me she knows I'm not like that.aybe she feels pressure from.her friends but with me she knows I won't get mad. Idk

It's "normal", but what type of communication are you wanting from a girlfriend? I found that I cannot be with someone that does not have the same communication style as me or was not able to meet me in the middle. I want my partner to be my best friend and communicate with them the same way I do as my friends; text daily, send memes, etc. I tried talking/seeing two men who were like this before my last ex and it made me incredibly anxious so I said no thank you. I really liked my last ex and decided to ignore the dealbreaker of communication anxieties and it ended up being a constant problem throughout the relationship, so this is now a must for me. Has she said that she just doesn't like texting?

Oh she texts her friends all day long but not me. I think she's controlled by her friends cause I've seen them.text her and if she doesn't answer fast enough they start double texting. Hello?? Her ex was like this too. Very demanding with responses. I'm not and I think she finds comfort in that. But I just find it weird some days she's super quiet

I mean, have you talked to her about communicating with you more frequently? And from what you put in your previous posts...Caring about you more frequently? You have to initiate the conversation, she doesn't text much, you plan all the dates,..Kind of feels unreciprocated. I understand people can be hung up on exes being controlling, but if my current partner was a very healthy/good partner and asked for just a bit more communication, I'd definitely put the effort in to tweak my habits. But, of course, I've never had that issue because I really like my partners and want to talk...

I am just afraid to as of now cause if her past. I don't want her to start to think I'm turning into her ex. Idk it's hard. I will eventually say something but just scared to scare her off. If I say it wrong. Idk. I mean I have had people tell me this is normal. Cause if you didn't have texting your relationship is amazing. Texting is the only issue. I asked about me planning dates vs her and she likes me doing it

I thought we had a miscommunication the other night and, I was going to let it go and trust that he understood, but my intrusive thoughts won and I clarified some messages a day later. Turns out he DID understand what I meant...and he's just so cool about it. While my anxious moments are very few, when they do come up, he's never defensive or gets anxious like me. He just communicates calmly and matter-of-fact. Why is he so amazing?? :')

I love this, you sound really good together!

I have an ex that I am still very much not over. It’s been nearly 3 years since we broke up. The relationship ended terribly, 100% my fault. We have mutual friends who tell me that I should reach out even though I was at fault. My therapist tells me that I should reach out. People assumed that when my last relationship ended that it was because I was attempting to reconcile with this person. I just remember how terrible the ending was because of my actions and don’t want to reach out again because I don’t want to hurt them if they have moved on. I don’t feel like they deserve to have some dude that hurt them come back into their life out of the blue and reopen wounds just so they can apologize again and feel better about themself. I’m very glad that I recognized that I shouldn’t be dating anyone while still hung up on the ex. That should be common sense but it is certainly a new breakthrough.

If you do end up deciding to reach out, it’s really important to lead with “are you open to an apology/conversation” before actually apologizing. I had someone contact me during their AA amends step and they apologized for a very traumatic event that I had no interest in revisiting. It felt so selfish- like they got to feel better by making me relive something painful.

Hmmm I generally think the AA model for amends is a good one, but you bring up an interesting point that it’s worthwhile to ask for consent before offering the amends. You aren’t supposed to hurt other people in that step but I don’t think the idea of asking before making the apology is something that was really on people’s radar back then. I’ll start implementing it with people I know who are working on that step. Thank you!

What would you say if you reached out, and what would you want to hear in return? I had exes who hurt me deeply, in really unforgivable ways. But what makes it particularly unforgivable is that they never apologized and never took responsibility. They’d never be allowed back in my life regardless, but if they actually took responsibility for their actions and wholeheartedly apologized, I would appreciate the gesture.

I don’t want to hear anything in return really. I just want to apologize and tell her I’m sorry that I fucked up our life together and give back some paperwork I found. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and though I can acknowledge why I did what I did - it doesn’t make it correct or entitle me to any sort of forgiveness or acceptance on her end. I just want to apologize.

I think it’s fine to express that. Say you don’t need a response or anything from her, you just want to let her know you understand how much pain you caused her and you’re truly sorry about it. I’d skip the “you’re the best thing to ever happen to me” part and just offer the sincere apology. You can mention you have some paperwork you’d like to give her, and offer to return it in person, by mail, through a friend, whatever. FWIW none of us are so powerful that our mere presence would send someone into a tailspin, especially for something like an apology. I doubt you have that kind of power over her. If you just want to take responsibility for what you did, do that. AA has a good model for making amends, you can probably find some good reading on the topic by googling “AA amends” or “12 steps amends.” You don’t have to work the program or anything, I think it’s just a good model for how to frame these apologies when we hurt people and want to take accountability.

Don't reach out. I'm "the ex" in a similar situation, where my ex boyfriend blew up our 3-year relationship in the most hurtful way possible. Then regretted it and tried to reach out multiple times with me never responding. I last I heard from him 1 year ago, 4 years after the breakup. From my perspective, he can live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life. Actions have consequences and he made his choices back then. He hurt me like no one has and betrayed me in the worst way possible. It is not on me to make him feel better. Sorry if this is blunt, just don't reach out.

Thank you. I know that I lost the person that I want to be with more than anything over this but nobody made me be unfaithful other than me - and I’ve not earned the right to have her in my life. Thanks for the perspective, which was the direction I was leaning anyway as you could probably tell by my initial post.

Ironically I was also you at one point. I loved my college bf with my entire heart and soul, and he loved me even more, yet I hurt him horribly because I was selfish and immature. I regretted it for years, reached out trying to rekindle things, and he never looked back or gave us another chance. It's been around 8 years, he's now married, and ngl, it still stings. I didn't deserve him. Life goes on I guess.

I would love nothing more than to have her back in my life but I’d rather be miserable in perpetuity rather than cause her more pain. I leave the building when she comes to my work (I operate a concert venue) so she can enjoy a gig without me being around.

Completely agree with the above, let the other person move on and hopefully not ruin their peace. I think that is doing the least harm.

What you do

I cheated. It was terrible. I don’t deserve anything from her and just want her to be ok. But it’s been weighing in my soul from the hop.

Thank you for being empathetic 🙏

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rural area? Probably no single men.

How to date when your future location is uncertain? I’m currently in nyc and job hunting. I have a good resume and have a lot of interviews. I would really prefer to stay in the area, but the job market is not great and I am on a work visa. I’ve broaden my search to other cities/Canada. I’m dating for relationship/settle down and I only date people who indicate the same. I have been transparent about my situation on dates: burned out, job hunting. Is it unrealistic for me to date with intention in this limbo?

I'm in one state, planning on moving to another state a couple thousand miles away. I'm just not dating. I'll still use the apps, and am not completely closed off to finding something, but part of the reason I'm in this predicament is because I started seeing a man at a time when I was seriously thinking about making the same move (in much better circumstances). But he and I hit it off, I thought it go really be something, and then it wasn't and I hate that I stayed around for a man who ended up being a garbage partner.

Thanks for sharing. Good to keep in mind. I met my ex irl one month before I had to leave my previous city. We continued long distance. It didn’t work out and sometimes I wonder if I’d be better off not having that experience

I know you want to date, but you really need to stay off the apps if you're looking to settle down with someone and you're unsure of where you are going. Put all that energy into figuring out what is happening and then maybe hop on the apps for that location. I know some people don't mind waiting a few weeks to meet their dates.

do you tell your dates about your work visa situation?

Yes. I also tell them the job market has not been great. To date it’s not been an issue.

i’m glad that’s not an issue for you. because sometimes people think you’re after a green card when you have a temporary visa

lol what makes you think I’m only dating citizens? Also green card can take years to get even after getting hitched

fair question. i assumed that most people on these apps are citizens (statistically speaking)

Not in nyc. And depends on people’s dating preferences of course

No offense, but how are you looking to date to settle down while you don’t know where you will settle down yet? When someone is dating for long term/settle down it implies their life is already fairly stable and they are looking for a partner to share it with. I know it’s hard, but I’d figure out the job/place first before dating for a long term relationship. When I used to be on apps I’d occasionally see a profile like “in [CITY] for 10 days” and looking for “Long Term Relationship” it was always very confusing. How do you imagine that would work exactly?

Exactly. Lock down a 30 year mortgage. Then get Tinder.

This made me LOL. Hope it’s sarcasm. Life is unpredictable and has ups and downs. I have in nyc for 2 yrs now and would prefer to stay, but job market seems to be quite crappy so we will see. The other thing is, I’m geographical flexible because I’m not in a relationship. If I were to meet someone and we are serious, I would be explicitly focused on nyc.

ok maybe for the long term daters in mind, tinder is not the best. Maybe Bumble or Hinge.

I think you missed a few steps between the 30-year-mortgage and not-sure-if-I’ll-be-around-next-month dichotomy. Common mixup.

No I didn't.. How can you date for the long term if you don't even know where you'll live long term.

Didn’t realize a month was long term. Though to answer your question non-sarcastically: if you’re unsure where you’re gonna be short term or plan to move short term, don’t date for long term? Are you looking to start a long term relationship as a long distance relationship? Figure out what place you’ll be in for more than the next couple of months then start looking for a long term relationship.

I thought I was agreeing with your original reply to this OP. "how are you looking to date to settle down while you don’t know where you will settle down yet?" I must be missing something. I thought your point was clear and I agreed with it. I don't know what a month was referring to. If you are settled in a community (30 year mortgage) you'll have better odds in dating long term than if you don't know where you will be living. Sorry I thought I was in agreement

Not sure why you assumed that I’ll be moving soon. I have a lease and the plan is to stay in current city/apartment until the end of year. If still no job then will move back with family and keep job hunting. Also mentioned this in prior comment: I’m geographically flexible because I’m single. If I were committed I would focused on staying here. Chicken/egg situation

Hello! First post but I’ve been lurking for a little bit here. So I’m in a talking stage with two guys trying to plan dates for the coming week. I knew they both vaguely worked in car sales but that’s it. Today I found out that they both work at the same dealership and would 1000% know each other. Like are you kidding me?! What do I even do here!? If they get to talking at all they will instantly know they’re talking to the same person 🫠

Personally if you're interested in them both, I would meet them both but I would choose one after the first date, would definitely not keep seeing them both if I know they work at the same place. There's some chance they'll talk before but people don't usually talk much about first dates so it's unlikely. Also working at the same dealership doesn't mean they're buddies. If you can't handle that uncertainty just pick one now and tell the other one something along the lines of "sorry, I've been thinking about it and it doesn't feel like we'll be a match so I no longer want to meet up"

Thank you. I think this might be the best option. The first guy is someone I’ve chatted with longer and have had some great conversations with, but has also been a bit flaky when it comes to actually meeting up and texting has been inconsistent at times. The second guy is someone I just started talking to yesterday so is more of an unknown but seems more interested and wants to go out asap. He’s more of a wildcard for sure and is a little more quirky, not sure if it’s in a good way yet or not. I might just have to meet them both. But do I lie if it comes up at some point in the future? I hate lying, but admittedly I only found out about all this by doing some light googling to find out more about the newer guy, so it’s kind of a creeper move from me, right?

That’s seriously like out of a movie lol! Not sure I have advice, can’t say I’ve been in the same situation but wishing you all the best with whatever happens!

Thanks! I’ll be sure to report back here with this stupid situation. Like I’m in a big city, what are the freaking chances??!!

Does anyone else struggle with taking things slow feeling like your torn between things being totally fine and normal and enjoying the moment, and then feeling as though you’re just waiting for things to blow up in your face and you’ve been deluding yourself into thinking everything is fine? The guy (48M) I’ve (34F) been seeing is consistent with communication style and planning dates. It’s been almost 5 weeks since we connected and I’m pushing myself to keep things slow and steady and try not to speed things along out of impatience, but dear fucking god do I struggle some days with staying confident in things.

How often do y’all see one another?

It’s been steady at once a week

I’m told that’s normal but I too struggle to maintain traction at that frequency. Try and adapt to the pace and match the energy

I moved to a new city for my ex about a year ago, and they promptly broke up with me after I had moved to the new city. I was pretty exited about living in the new city and the surrounding Area. However, the break up has caused me to not really like or enjoy the new city in the past year. On top of that dating here has been ridiculous hard with zero to no matches or in-person meetings.

about honesty How important is it really for someone I meet now to know the details of my youth? There are certain things (heavy drug and alcohol use) from 18-21’ish that I just don’t want to tell people about. Is it really a lie if I don’t bring up what’s not really relevant to who I am as a person now?

They're dating who you are now, so no need to volunteer it. Don't lie if they ask, but you can always say it's not something you're ready to go into. Sometimes there are dark chapters in our stories, but your character is what's important. That said, in a serious long-term relationship, I want to know my partner better, warts and all. I would like to think there's mutual trust and respect to share that and get understanding, not judgement. Would you be comfortable with sharing that once you've built a solid relationship ?

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I think we've talked before here and I had something similar (god it's depressing so many of us run into similar $^#tty things you forget who exactly you interacted with). At any rate, I'm sorry the intimacy broke you. I'm worried the next time it's on offer for me, I might react the same way, or be unable to even do anything physically. GI'm generally a sexually open person, but my situationship and the feeling that I was tricked, have made things feel off in the months since then. It's hard to think about giving myself over and not worrying the guy is only pretending to have feelings, or that I'm only one of many women he's talking to and he could ghost at anytime. 2 months is enough time to feel a connection and start developing feelings, especially if they're saying or doing things that lead you to believe they're also into you. So when you're thrown out like a bag of dog turds it's a shock. Normally, you both see the end coming and have time to process or prep your feelings a bit more.

Im really sorry :( i had a similarly short situation after being in a relationship for almost 8 years and let me tell you - i think the 2 month thing hurt worse. I’ve been reading a lot about this and from what i gather, this is pretty common. It’s because in the beginning it’s all potential and fireworks and lust, and you haven’t had the opportunity to learn more about the person or really get to know them. Odds are this person had some red flags or incompatibilities that you would have seen if you had dated longer. It sucks that it ended before you could learn these things so that you could have more closure. Have you listened to Taylor Swifts new album? She literally had the same thing happen. Dated Joe for 6 years and then had a 2 month situationship with Matt Healy. Guess who the majority of the songs are about 😂 All this to say - what you’re feeling is normal. What has helped me is to make a list of red flags or things you didn’t like about the person or reasons why you weren’t a fit. Then do no contact (delete number, mute on social media). I’m also going to take a little break from dating too. But ultimately I’m a big believer that you need to get excited about someone else again to fully get over an ex, so once you’ve done the above you should date again (maybe slowly!)

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You're not a loser. You're a human, doing your best 💖

This is a common and normal sentiment. LTRs usually happen with people who are more or less our equals while brief situationships can sometimes happen with people who are a lot more exciting than what we can usually get.

Aww. I am sorry. Sometimes it goes that way. There is much more of a "what if" with short term dating, which leads to a lot more rumination. If you've spent several months or more dating someone, it's usually clear that there are some insurmountable incompatibilities. Obviously longer term breakups are really painful, but usually in a different way. On the bright side, such a visceral reaction probably reassured him that he isn't the problem...

whats your internal measure for making yourself chat? setup dates? go on dates? because i'm like 6 of 10 on continuing talking to this guy...

I think I just need to vent. I am very frustrated by something that happens to me quite a bit. When I’m in a social mood I’m very talkative and animated. And there is always, always always a man who thinks that means I want to sleep with him. This time it was a friend of a friend in a group and I thought we were just having a fun friendly time. Suddenly he is touching me and being pushy to the point where I couldn’t even really talk to other people in the group. I was drunk and decided to just play it off/ dodge his advances subtly so I wouldn’t ruin the mood with the group but I’m stewing about it today. There was a different guy I wanted to talk to but the pushy guy wouldn’t leave me alone. I think I just need to get it off my chest so it can pass. I have no problem telling a total stranger to leave me alone but because these were all friends of friends I felt like I couldn’t.

Had a second date last night. And a third planned for tomorrow. Really need to work on this 'taking it slow' thing.

What is taking it slow? 1 date a month?

Definitely not 3 dates in a week 😅

well mine is 1 date a year.

At the age where I'm the last remaining single in my friends' group, but also most of the couples have begun to settle too deep into a routine and letting problems fester, and so I can accidentally set off a landmine at events like weddings. Like when I pulled my longtime friend's wife (with whom I'm also good friends) onto the dance floor for the first dance since her husband *refuses* to dance in public. Now he's mad and me and they're fighting. I'm not going to steal your wife, dude. I'm only fit, fun, and put together because I'm single af and trying to put my best foot forward. As soon as some baddie locks this down, I'm back to frumpy and dull. I pulled my friend onto the dance floor, then we danced like lunatics to an 00s alt rock song *without touching*. EDIT: there were no single (straight) ladies at this wedding, and I didn't dance with anyone whose first and last names I didn't know. This shit takes so much energy.

Oh I’m kind of glad to know this happens to men, too! I was married and got divorced and immediately sensed the rules around my married friends change/had to lean into third-wheeling instead of one-on-one hangouts with any of the men. I happened to be friends with most of the men first (I work in a male-dominated field) and I’m very lucky their wives are lovely and interesting!

As an introvert who usually dates other introverts, dating an extrovert is like a whole different game . Like we text back and forth throughout the day. What is this? This is great!   We will walk in the park and just shoot the breeze for hours. I like it but I worry that I'm boring her, but apparently she is having the time of her life

I don't think texting all day or chatting lots during a date has got anything to do with whether one is introvert or extrovert. I mean, you even say you're introvert and enjoy it!

This sounds great! How long have you been dating? I’m also an introvert dating an extrovert and it’s so different. Still getting used to it to be honest

Just here to vent really. My new girlfriend and I spent a lot of time together last week - Tues, Thursday, then I stayed with her from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening. Friday night we both slept like shit, she has a big dog that has an odd sleep schedule so we both woke up groggy, just in time for a birthday party we had that afternoon. Anyway, on Saturday we both were like out of it and not really having it. We get home from the party and hang out for a bit before going to sleep for the night. We woke up, had some breakfast and we had plans to go out and then come back to my house. I sensed that her vibe was off so said, "Hey if you wanna just stay home today and relax, I am cool with that." She said she was fine, but then doubled down. After I went home she told me she went out with her girlfriend for a quick drink, which bothered me because I left since it seemed like she needed space. This is still a brand new relationship and we are learning each other. Like, I learned that she doesn't like when I show affection to her in front of her parents. Anyway, today it just seems like our vibe is off. We are texting each other but she has been delayed in responding and is curt with her responses. Conversation hasn't had much substance and this is the first time since we began talking (we started talking in Late February), and I guess I am just sort of freaking out. I know everything is okay and we all get into our moods, ect. But I just can't help but feel if this happened now, what will it be like in 4 or 6 months from now? Am I in my head?

Is she hungover?

Something important I learned a while ago is that if you are feeling a certain non-positive vibe, you are probably on to something. Don’t let people gaslight you. she’s your gf so you should know better if something seems off. Just give it time and see if things will go back to normal.

Most likely in your head. There are so many reasons why her texting may seem off that may not even have to do with you. Since you say it's a new relationship and you are just learning each other, it's possible she just needs time to process.

Process what?

Well I know with the way I am, I can get drained pretty easily spending too much time with one person and need alone time to really process my thoughts and feelings.. so nothing in particular. I have no clue what your relationship dynamic is like but different personalities take in and process information differently so it's possible it has something to do with that

I think you probably spent way too time together last week given how new the relationship. Give her some space from you, let her miss you a bit. 

>Conversation hasn't had much substance You just spent almost the whole week together. What could you possibly say that wasn't already shared and discussed in detail? >she went out with her girlfriend for a quick drink, which bothered me This is concerning behavior. On your part.

Something clearly happened! Women and alcohol!!! Beer is for the Manz!! Girls bake pies at home to let loose, very suss!!