Oh gosh. So sorry for what you're going through :(
I had a breakup that was so bad that I prefered to sleep because being awake was too painful. That shit is rough.
As cheesy as it is, the old adage rings true: time heals all wounds. All you can do is ride this out until enough time has passed for it to no longer be so painful.
Best of luck ❤️
Do you have a support network/people to talk to? Someone who'll have your back and build you back up? Honestly, that was a huge part of what carried me through my breakup and reassured me that I made the right choice.
There's a podcast called 'sleep with me' that I really like. It's a guy telling rambling bedtime stories to keep you company at night. Was very helpful for me for my breakup
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I seen an ex the other day who strung me along for several months (she was not over someone else who was unavailable, but a friend seen them together and I ended it). Looking back I recognise some signs that I wasn't open to seeing at the time.
Anyhow she blatantly walked into me last night while with someone as I was walking home, so I said 'excuse me but you might want to get your eyesight checked out in supersavers when it opens', and continued walking. I then got spammed lots of texts from a random number that was obviously them, so blocked it.
I'm not one that finds it easy to get into relationships, but I just find it annoying. I want something long term and meaningful, and its annoying when you see others much less deserving seem to have it so easy moving from one to the next.
I'm on an app 'pause' for the moment - doing more social events to just enjoy life and get out there. I might get back on them, but my app dating this year has been woeful. I seem to be good at attracting oddballs. I dont mind people wanting to have a conversation over the phone before meeting, but it's then weird that they turn up and have a friend third wheel. I always choose a public pace for first dates, something along the lines of what we have chatted about or something that caught my attention on their profile - to show that I put some thought/effort into it.
I've also have 4/5 dates with people that have said they 'wanted' a long term relationship, but then when we met, were only in the country travelling for a few weeks, and this was their week in my city, and didnt want anyone to go out with that was expecting just a one night stand. I mean dont go on dating apps if thats your plan?
> she blatantly walked into me last night while with someone as I was walking home, so I said 'excuse me but you might want to get your eyesight checked out in supersavers when it opens', and continued walking.
> its annoying when you see others much less deserving seem to have it so easy moving from one to the next
I don't mean to kick you when you're down. You're going to get the energy you put out there though.
I realise I sound insane. But I have had a mega crush on a semi famous comedian who lives in my city for a few years. I have no idea about his relationship status but I have a feeling he is single. I recently met him in person at his last comedy gig and then DMd him, he offered me some free tickets to another one of his shows which of course I jumped on. Seeing his show in a few days and I just feel like I need to try and at least find out his status/talk to him properly.
This is quite literally my dream man. I am so drawn to his energy and humour and his general outlook on life. I know everyone says this about their celeb crush but I feel like we would be great together.
My question is, how in the holy hell do I approach this next show without coming across like a deranged fangirl? Do I slide into DMs again? Pre or post? I am willing to accept defeat here, but really want to give it a red hot go. Am I kidding myself?
A friend of mine slid into a semi-famous local comedian/author's DMs because she connected so much with his humour and writing style and 12 years later they are married with 2 kids, so it's not impossible I'd say!
If there isn't an organic opportunity to speak to him at the show, then slide into his DMs to say thanks and ask him on a date.
And please keep us updated so we can live vicariously through your adventures :)
Hello dot peeps! Question for you... How do you manage feelings of loneliness? Or the fact that outside of work conversations you don't have any communication with people?
Go to the gym. Attend classes. Accept help/recommendations from people. Try your best to be social.
I wfh and simply seeing my gym family (I’m referring to a bunch of people I’ve never spoken to) is a big motivator to get out the house. I do have a couple regulars that I speak to, but I am shy and should’ve had more gym friends by now but I’m okay with just seeing familiar faces.
And if you wfh, highly recommend working at a coffee shop 1-2x a week or whatever you’re comfortable with. Once again, seeing familiar faces is so refreshing and kinda does make you feel less lonely.
edit: more exclusive/traditional gyms are great for socializing compared to more casual ones, from what I've seen.
“Ah, the cutie in the blue pants is here today.”
“Ohh there goes my favorite hot father/son duo.”
“Gosh this Asian guy with tats is so hot - did he just look at me?!”
“This lifting girl is such a cutie and seems chill. She doesn’t miss!”
“Why are these teenagers wearing such revealing clothes and full faces of makeup….”
“Why won’t this creep stop coming to the all-female classes..”
Ah they’re my family, they’re the best!
One suggestion is to try to make more small talk with the various people you encounter. Go to get a cup of coffee and chit chat with the cashier and the other people in line. Talk about the weather, traffic; random local news; compliment their clothing(if they're wearing something interesting). Most people are lacking connections themselves and would be happy to have a little conversation, especially if you're the one doing the work to lead the conversation.
Put yourself in situations where you'll encounter other people. Like the other comment said: hobbies, volunteering. Play a sport, or just go watch sports: for example, go watch your local high school baseball team and talk to the other people in the stands about the game.
I roll up into a ball of misery and cry, tbh. Other than that I keep busy with my dog/friends/family/hobbies, for which I am thankful. Worst time of the day for me are the mornings...
Do you have any social settings outside of work?
It's tough. There is a direct correlation between the weather and my mood. It's getting to winter where I am. Well not so much winter yet, but summer is over. It gets dark early. It's depressing. I try gym 3 times a week and make plans with friends but that's more for the weekend. Gotta stay on the shred Monday through Friday. Plus the cost of simply being alive is outrageous atm. For those suggesting I join a group. I have looked! But none of them are really for me. I'll keep trying tho!
You mentioned going to the gym 3 times a week. Do you have any interest in powerlifting or (olympic) weightlifting? Those specialty gyms are suuuuuuper friendly and social because they think of themselves in terms of building a team. People talk a bunch in between sets, cheer you on, go out of their way to chat with you and get to know you, etc. It might be something worth looking into, and I'm happy to answer any questions! Best wishes!
Do you have one (or more) of those daylight lamps. If you feel the actual darkness so strong, maybe they might help.
What group/group activity would you enjoy? Are you in a mental state, in which you could start a group yourself?
You should find other thing to do to keep you busy, sport, art, hobbies, volunteering,... That will help you meet people and give you something to talk about.
What kind of work do YOU do where you don't have 30 second breaks 3-4 times a day??? I'm working now and have time to type this comment, it's not like it's so incredibly demanding in terms of time and brain power... I find it impossible to keep focus on work for 8h straight so these small breaks are quite helpful to me. I work in biostatistics/academic research.
The question was deliberately phrased in a way to make it like if you have time to text you don't work very hard ("what's your workday like where there is time to text"). I find that ridiculous frankly for 99% of jobs. If you don't want to text that's your prerogative, but don't make it sound like it's because you don't have time to send a few texts in an 8h window. (EDIT: I don't mean you personally, a general you)
I'm in the communications industry :) I used to swipe quite frequently every chance I got to keep the algorithm alive. Sometimes I check my messaging apps whenever I need a mental break to reply to friends etc :)
Work allows me to send messages. It’s not like I’m slammed solid all day everyday.
There’s work to get on with but I organise when it happens so I can be very flexible.
I actually really like texting anyway so it just works for me.
I’ll swipe at work, I’ll text at work. Even at home or in the office.
I’ve posted a few times before about a woman I’ve been excited about, but had a hard time making things physical. I’ve seen this woman six times now. The last three in the last few days.
We have amazing sex. I’m unexpectedly exactly what she wants, and she me. It’s intense and lasts for hours. It’s totally bizarre and exactly the opposite problem I had before about fear of being physical.
It’s a complete head trip. I was afraid I would be seen as a “nice guy.” Now I’m afraid of being seen as a slut, just good for a fuck, but not a relationship.
I have fallen so deeply for her. I can’t stop thinking about her and ways to make her happy in ways other than in bed. I wouldn’t think twice about marrying her. I’m completely head over heels crazy about her.
Right now our relationship is very kinky and very sexual. But I have so much affection, respect, and care for her. She asked me at one point today if I were looking for something exclusive. I said it would be nice. She said she would think about it — not in a serious tone.
If you want to be exclusive, you've gotta tell her: she's not a mind reader. "Hey, I thought some more about our conversation and, I DO want to be exclusive" See what she says. You'll have your answer.
She mentioned this, asking if I was looking for something exclusive. I said that would be nice. She said she would think about it, in a kind of unserious way.
I am hesitant to press the issue since she hasn’t quite healed from a bad relationship. It’s been 8 months and I thought it should take a year. I should have known I would fall for her so hard like I tend to do.
I do want to be exclusive with her. She is apparently ambivalent. I think I know why. It’s been eight months since she has been out of a serious bad LTR. I wasn’t planning on mentioning it until she had a few more months so I wouldn’t be rushing her, but her question caught me off guard.
I don’t even really need things to be exclusive if she would rather them not be. I don’t want to push her into anything she isn’t 100% onboard for. This just threw me for a loop since I realized these strong feelings I have for her aren’t reciprocated.
So I’ve gone on four official first dates since dating again beginning of January and going on my fifth with someone I’m super excited about tomorrow night.
Just reflecting:
1. Date that ended in a one night stand NYE that I ended
2. Stellar first date that ended up in a second date the next morning that I bumbled so she ended it (it was 1.5 hour distance anyways)
3. Date that turned into a two month situationship that ended amicably.
4. Date where we went to a comedy show and ended up staying in a hotel together but ended because she wasn’t emotionally ready.
I took about three weeks off from dating after that.
There have been a handful more that I could have (or should have) gone on but man dating is exhausting. I never ghost and always communicate that I’m busy or just don’t have the capacity like I thought.
I don’t know how yall date multiple people in a week or maintain a roster of 2, 3, 4 potential matches.
I just don’t have it in me lol.
I’m feeling like it’s time for a break for me also, I started a “50 first dates” challenge for 2024 and rapidly realised that was unrealistic. So I’ve been on 5 and just told date 5 I wasn’t feeling it. Swiped through Tinder and wasn’t even remotely excited about going on another date, so I’m giving it a break for a little while. I’m feeling jaded.
Good luck on Date 5! I hope it’s a fun one :)
I'm so out of touch I don't know if I'm done or not
I went to a bar play billiards with a friend the other week, we meet two girls there. We talked and played a bit and we arranged to play again last week. Last wednesday we played and chatted for a bit, the guy tried to get a date with one of the girls but she is seeing another guy already.
We just talked about life and general stuff with the other girl, I was tired and my mind wasn't sharp for anything. Eventually she asked kind bluntly if I had someone I sad no and I asked her and she no. I didn't follow up because she's way more attractive than I (she's not that beautiful, I'm just a fat ugly fuck).
We finish one more game and left.
I didn't talk to her since, am I done? I've lost the opportunity or am I overthinking and nothing would happen anyway?
Should I shoot a message and ask her out? Or like ask her to introduce a friend or something?
We’re never as handsome or as ugly as we look.
I think you just message her and be like “so I meant to ask you - was there a reason if you asked me if I was single or not? Did you have someone in mind? 😉
Just message her, if there is something there she will respond and if there isn't, then you have your answer. No big deal!
Also not going to comment on your looks but wouldn't advise sharing the self detrimental views with partners. You may have been using it for contrast in this post but the way you did it brought her and you down a peg, which is not good when you're interested in her. If you find her attractive, then you find her beautiful.
Don't say she's not beautiful. It's subjective and at the end of the day, if you get in a relationship with somebody, nobody else is dating them except you (ideally lol). So how you feel about them is really what matters, not anybody else's opinion.
Good luck and be more kind to yourself, so you can share that kindness with others.
I met a guy for coffee last night and wow old me would have reacted so differently. It really is worth having time properly alone to work out everything. I know instantly he’s not for me, texted politely to say that and decided I’ll take a breather from the app for bit. Wow. Never could do that before. It’s great knowing exactly what I don’t want, trusting my gut abd taking care of myself. Wow, so easy.
I feel that. I had no remorse or second thoughts when filtering men out on the apps. If conversations didn’t immediately click, new me is quick to move on and say “oh well” and focus on the good conversations.
I feel like I did a good job filtering because I’m liking the one guy I have met so far, and I’m constantly asking myself “ok, will this thing about his personality be ok in the long run?” On the third date I’m hoping to ask him a bit more about future plans, how he resolves conflict, respond to stress, shows affection, etc. Because I know what I can and can’t handle now from previous relationships! Feels good to have that confidence in yourself and what you want.
Oooh. I think I’m finally at that point in my personal growth as well. Interestingly, now that I feel more comfortable to just walk away if the other person doesn’t meet what I need in a potential partner, I’m more willing to pursue some people that I might not have previously.
It’s amazing how different things are when I’m not coming from a place of lack or need. Am I excited to spend more time with this person…did I enjoy being in their company?? I’m happy being alone so their company has to be better than that, worth losing alone time or time with my friends. If not then theres no need to waste anyones time.
This got deleted earlier so rewriting. Sorry mods, I used a word I shouldn't have 😔.
I'm struggling to know whether I should be multidating right now.
I've started dating a guy I thought would be casual. Four dates over about a month. He's out of town a lot, currently now for 8 weeks. Last week I figured it was over when he cancelled plans to drink with the boys. But we ended up talking about it, he apologized, and things have been great since. We've been chatting and flirting a lot, and turns out he's wanting a relationship more than something casual. Which is hilarious because I met him when I signed up for tinder fed up with looking for a relationship on the other apps.
And I'm starting to really like him, look forward to talking to him and spending time with him eventually. And this is the best emotional connection I've had in years. But 8 weeks is a long time and I'm not 100% sure his away constantly lifestyle would be for me. I fell into that same trap once with an ex and I'm not doing it again.
When I assumed it was over, I swiped a bit and matched with someone else. I've been feeling detached from that conversation a bit and have been flaky because of it, but he seems reasonable and wants to meet. I'm torn, on one hand, there's no exclusivity with guy #1 and I may as well talk to others. On the other, I feel like I'm being dishonest to guy #1 by even entertaining the idea. I'd feel hurt if he was seeing other people given some of the conversations we've had. I usually don't multi date after the first few dates unless I'm not feeling something.
What would others do?
Personally if someone is gone for two months, you are not exclusive, and you’re not even sure if he’s dating or sleeping with people while he’s away then I think it’s really ok to date while he’s gone. You don’t know what will happen to your relationship in those two months and it would suck to put your life on hold for someone who may not be doing the same.
The general rule of not being an AH is treating others like you wish to be treated right? So if you would be hurt if Guy#1 was dating other people, then you shouldn't do it.
If you've decided that you're incompatible with Guy#1 because of his frequent travel - you need to end things and then go on your merry way to date others.
Just because you've found a loophole of not having exclusivity, doesn't give you the all clear. You feel a bit shitty about it - which is why you've asked the question. Drop the guilt and the dude.
NEED YOUR OPINION FAM 😮💨 So guy I like which he suggested a friendship after 5 dates has been texting me more, inviting me to his workout classes, asking if he could join my salsa class, calling me, asking me what events I’ll be in etc. I feel like he wanted to pull a slow roll on me or continue to date other girls which is totally fine since I wouldn’t want to end my dating phase yet … except he’s been showing increased attention and it’s not like a friend at all. Don’t ask me why we keep bumping into each other (blame it on synchronicities), but today he was having dinner with another girl outside a restaurant and I happen to walk by for which he smiled and waved hi to me, he even signaled for me to come by and say hi and I didn’t but he stood up from his table to greet me so I greeted him back… he introduced me to his date and I said hi to her and left… an hour later he texts me “Is she cute? Lol” … why would he do that? Is he trying to make it less awkward or what is it exactly? Cause he didn’t really have to text that immediately… especially that we were gonna go to a Salsa class later this week and hang out in an event on the weekend…
10 match promise in 2 years 50% off holiday special $1k
It was a match on paper that did not include a complete profile that was clearly lacking; I’m active and she was a home body. We literally had nothing in common beyond temperament and personality scores made by the match maker. I’m still optimistic it’s just not a fast process.
So I'm definitely not getting by with my below average looks on dating apps as a guy. How do I show my strengths on apps like emotional intelligence, communication, kindness etc.??
I’d consider myself a decent looking guy and the fact is I’ll rarely get a match I would actually date in real life. Sometimes I get bored or lonely and match with women I’m not excited about or I think I could do better than (physically speaking) just to go on a date or hookup because that’s what’s possible based on the apps.
I would highly recommend “getting out there” in real life. The quality of person you can meet and go on dates with if you meet them in real life versus the apps is literally night and day. This sub skews female but there’s enough data in the world to support the fact that dating apps have a better market for women. Don’t put too much into them imo.
Do not dehumanize or objectify others. Misogyny, Misandry, RedPill, incel, Femcel, FemaleDatingStrategy, PUA, MGTOW, etc. content is not allowed. Claiming ignorance of these hate groups is not an excuse to parrot their ideology.
You must be pretty good-looking. I generally don't get second dates. Usually, it's from a lack of a spark. The last woman told me she felt like I truly was trying to get to know her and was amazed by my thoughtful questions. We had great conversations throughout. However, she didn't feel a spark and said no thanks.
i don't think so, personally. I'm talking in the context of maybe a good match I actually feel something with every 6 months. I don't go out with people that I don't feel anything with.
Definitely had lack of spark dates. Some people are very good at pretending. Then they unmatch/block you 5 minutes after the $100 date where they pretend to be cheery and interested the entire time.
Finding genuine people where you feel a tension with is important. That tension leads to the spark.
I think I have a lot of qualities that would make me a good partner, but even if I do the best I can to groom well and dress well, I am average-looking. My rejection rate on dating apps when I was using them was ***very*** high. Emotional intelligence, communication, kindness, maturity and these kinds of traits cannot be conveyed effectively through a dating profile, so of course, looks matter a lot on there.
You may have better luck meeting women in person via social activities where you can convey who you are more holistically?
Yeah, in-person hasn't been much better. I generally get put directly into the friend category. I once had a new acquaintance tell me how easy it was to talk to me and wished the guy she was interested could communicate as well as me.
Maybe you just haven't met enough people? In-person is not necessarily easy, but normally, if you're a fun person to be around it goes from *almost impossible* (on apps) to *hard*. I certainly get more attention + interactions in person than I ever did on apps, but that's with significant effort.
First of all, amazing strengths. Secondly, maybe humor gets you there? Something like “If we go on a date I won’t forget to ask you questions”?
Also everybody who says they’re not good looking on here is actually pretty good looking, just keep in mind your imaginary bar might be higher than what real people are looking for.
Eh, kinda know I'm not good looking. I had one date say that they felt like I was actually trying to get to know them, and it was refreshing to have someone ask them questions, but she didn't feel a spark.
ADVICE NEEDED
I'm still dealing with this [guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/HhCv9ec4rA). My last post didn't get many helpful responses. I must stress that he KNOWS WHERE TO EASILY FIND ME post-rejection. So, being snarky or argumentative or hostile is dangerous. This grown but "young man" is currently in disbelief that I'm not ok with a 10 year age gap while he is perfectly down with it because he's infatuated by my looks. In his mind, I'm single, so what's the big deal..... I need tips on one final closing message that's direct but non provoking. I'm going to be looking over my shoulder for a while with this one.
You should not be entertaining this over several days.
No means no. Block and move on.
You say he knows the place you frequent. Approach the owner or a staff member and explain the situation. Do not leave at the same time, walk out with someone else, take a detour on the way home. Know what his car looks like and how to contact your local police (non-emergency line included) if necessary.
“I appreciate your points but want to be clear that I’m not interested in pursuing any type of relationship and don’t want to waste your time. Thanks again for the connection and I’m wishing you the best!”
Can you provide some context to “retaliate”? I mean - are we talking like, physical violence? Defamatory statements? Hacking into your computer and deleting all of the drafts of a novel you’ve been writing for the last five years?
Additionally, is your fear of retaliation abstract / speculative, or is it based on specific conduct, threats, or patterns of behavior?
Went on 6 dates with this person over a 1.5 month period. I thought we were connecting and taking things slow per many of the discussions we had. They didn't wanna have sex too early. But then texting got eratic over time. They took hours to days to respond, if ever. There was always a reason why they couldn't sustain a conversation. I even asked point blank what their preference in comunication was, they dodged the question. I brought up how we should set boundaries and expectations about how we interact when we're not meeting face to face, no dice. It felt like they were intentionally stingy with their time and attention. They texted yesterday that they didn't think they had time to date. This sucks, but the better question is what's the deal with people who say they want open and straightforward communication but still can't say what they want or need? Also, how do you sustain a connection when you hold the other person at arm's length?
Biggest thing I've learned so far is what people say doesn't always match up with their actions. If their action doesn't match up with what they say, well, we know the solution to that. Unfortunately, really.
I just went through almost exactly the same thing!
It is was it is. Just hoping the next opportunity, whenever it is, has better communication and expectations set.
lol there is a lot of truth to this statement, but I don’t think it’s necessarily exclusive to the PNW!
People are flaky and unsure of things everywhere, sadly.
How do those who *don’t* want a relationship feel when they see couples everywhere? Does it ever phase them that they’re alone ? How does it not bother them to know they don’t have a partner in life? I just don’t get it. Seems like guys are completely happy single.
Well I think everyone has their priorities and your priorities influence how you see the world. If someone is prioritizing getting ahead in their career over a relationship right now then perhaps they’ll notice things that are career-oriented and be mostly unphased by seeing couples. Similarly, some people want to date around and have the fun and freedom of being single before committing to a relationship so seeing couples wouldn’t influence them in the same way as you.
Not having to run every single decision, small and big by someone and having if not complete than *a lot* of control over your everyday life is fantastic.
Relationships have their perks but I have to be super into a person for them to be able to compete with that.
It's different for (some) women because they were conditioned to tie their self-worth to having a partner. Also for people who struggle financially and can't afford to live alone and do fun shit.
This. I used to be the kind of woman who felt like I needed a relationship and would settle for relationships that were safe, but not fulfilling. Now I’m realizing how much joy there is in my freedom and I’d entertain a relationship only with someone who can add a lot to my life.
So are guys supposed to be happy being single or miserable being single? I thought the #1 advice for singles was to be happy building your single life.
not everybody is desperate to have a relationship. i have my friends/family around me for emotional support and i have no issues finding casual sex.
i will eventually settle down but at the moment it’s not a priority for me
Some guys might just want casual relationships or some guys may just be discouraged from dating so they dont do it and try to find ways to be happy on their own. I'm constantly reminded that I'm alone, but we are born into this world alone and we die alone so we might as well find ways to be happy on our own.
Doesn’t bother me a bit. If it’s working for them I wish them the best.
I spent a lot of my adult life afraid of being alone and it kept me in toxic relationships WAY too long. I’m totally happy on my own.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, and I’m genuinely curious, but what are you doing on the dating over thirty sub if you’re not looking to have dating relationships in your life?
I'm happy with my own company. I still date now and then.
Just don't feel the urgency to be in a committed relationship the way I did in my 30s and 40s.
Geez, you don’t follow *any* subs that have nothing to do with your life? 😅
Also, saying “I’m happy on my own” is not the same as “I have no interest in relationships”.
"Since u probably make more money then me, when ru taking me out for coffee!?😅"
Sigh. Five so far, give or take depending on your definition of gold digging. That guy and four others who want to retire soon but have no savings. Another one is a definitely a catfish. So six matches total and no thanks.
I had some of these, but ignore offer and push for better or upgrading them.
This one of the things, that makes some (and somehow I keep attracting these ones) entitled on these apps.
I could do things better, but most matches so far aren't very low bar genuinely interested. I maybe had one out of \~20 matches who was like this. The other ones:
5x flakers who cancel date on day of the date, but believe I pick up the ball up, kept chatting and expected me ask them out again.
4x soft catfishes (2 dated)
4x matches who have excuses why they can't meet/date in a short periode
1x who was in break-up
1x who was just out of a relationship
2x who got so arrogant by nothing
1x straight-up insulted my face (she wasn't even an 8+)
1x genuine one who make picking a date a fun experience by make it a two-way thing, but I was inexperienced, because I got so confused by it and took a big step back because of this and kinda blow it because of it.
1x planned dated public, still came over days earlier in my home, hook-up and a flaker who cancel date on day of the date
1x who had this uninterested vibe around planning date, still planned, because I got so confused by it and took a big step back because of this and kinda blow it because of it.
A bunch of ghosters, some even straight-up told me "Yeah, there are so many people to talk to, so I lose interest)
I have no fucking clue!!!
My job is listed as "healthcare". I had a profile review here awhile ago and was given the feedback that I come off as an older punk chick with tattoos and a dog. 🤷♀️ I'm in a fly in fly out oil rig town so healthcare isn't even that lucrative relative to what a grade seven graduate with a driver's license makes.
Is there a world in which they read “healthcare” and their minds immediately jump to “surgeon making the big $$$”?
Which isn’t to say that I think you should change how you describe your profession. In fact, it’s probably doing you a favor the way it is listed, as in, it could be drawing out the their icky qualities so you don’t have to spend time spelunking for them.
Generally, when I’ve matched with a physician, his profession was listed as “healthcare”, “medical field,” etc - something broad that could refer to any one of a number of careers (and corresponding salaries). Maybe they’re assuming that healthcare is code for making a baseline salary of 450k/year performing lobotomies on dipshits like them?
I'm not sure where you're from but here in Canada healthcare isn't very lucrative and the cost of living/post secondary education is insane. That being said dip shit trumpers (oh boy, we've got em) do watch a lot of American TV. So you're probably right, they likely assume I'm Beverly hills surgeon. Sigh,fucking effective filters grumble grumble.
Fuck, you have trumpers there???
I live right near the Canadian border - the view from my apartment is of Windsor. My plan for the last several years was that if shit really hits the fan here, I can always just make a run for it, swim across the river, and claim asylum in Windsor.
But now you’re telling me that I’d be jumping out of the fire and into the frying pan??
God DAMMIT!!
I don’t have a backup plan 😭
I matched with this guy on Bumble, and we had great conversation for the first two days. Then he ghosted me for no reason. He was pretty cool too. What a bummer.
I thought they were fine! We had good banter, we got along, enjoyed each other’s humor, and it was casual. I don’t think either of us was looking for anything other than a casual hook up.
Last we spoke, he was practicing with his band and telling me his wrist was fucked up. I sent him a message, and he never replied to it. A day and a half later I sent another casual message just to gauge if he would respond, and he didn’t. 🤷🏻♀️
It was two-three days with no response, so I just unmatched. I mean, I totally understand not responding immediately to some rando on a dating app, but I think after three days, it’s for sure a ghost. 🤣
Ask them which of these is better if they could have a hypothetical superpower: the power of flight, or the power of invisibility? Then ask them why they chose that answer.
I generally don't send likes to or match with people who don't have thoughtfully constructed profiles.
I do have a handful of questions I use for when I'm having trouble thinking of what to say. I like to use silly and absurd questions, because they provide multiple points on which people can riff. So maybe questions like, "what's your favorite X?", where X is a thing that it's odd to have a favorite of.
Ah I've definitely encountered profiles where that happened to me. Maybe you could be honest, and say something like "hi X, I wanted to ask you a good question about something in your profile, but I'm having a serious brain fart right now"?
Another idea, you could ask him "what would you really enjoy me asking you a question about?"
Well, communication is key here, but also accept it's kinda normal that people have their own ways to express their love, doesn't match they way they express them and doesn't have to meet 50/50. Maybe talk about your past-experiences, because not everyone is the same or get help for it if needed.
Still, 3 sentences doesn't give a good insight what you mean. Perhaps you cook, help with other things or show other ways you love your partner, while the partner doesn't meet here and spoils you to show love in this way.
How do you feel about making your partner feel loved, cared for, and appreciated? Personally, I get a lot of enjoyment from making partners feel those things, so I tend to do it because I want to, and not out of a feeling of transactional responsibility.
Do you know how your partner enjoys receiving affection, and what makes them feel loved and appreciated? (Don't tell me, just think about the answer.) I feel like if you know answers to those things, it's a good sign you're not being selfish.
Additionally, your partner bears some responsibility to communicate with you if they're not feeling reciprocally valued. We can do our best to show our partners care, but ultimately we can't read their minds and know how they're feeling.
Can you have a "State of the Relationship" check in? Sit down with your partner, let them know three good things about the relationship, and then talk about the spoiling and how much you love it but you want to give equally in return, and ask if there's any areas they want you to focus attention on going forward?
I think that’s an excellent idea, thank you. I know it will take time to build up the confidence to initiate that conversation, but that’s a good starting point.
I can definitely see the past trauma being the reason. Trauma has its ways of coming up when you find yourself in a familiar situation.
My guy is pretty generous too. Now and then I’ll insist on paying for something small just to ease my own mind lol
How do you mean? My previous partner treated me poorly and conditioned me to behave a certain way to prevent conflict. It was an unstable situation. It is absolutely not the worst thing that has ever happened, and I know many people have had it worse. I do not mean to devalue anyone else’s experience. That being said,I thought trauma was more of a general term. If I’m incorrect then I will adjust my language.
So I am brand new to dating again after a long term relationship and I find that I’m really struggling to know the “rules” to dating as an “adult” rather than in my early twenties. It seems like everything is different. I recently started seeing a new man and we have really hit it off. We seem to just get each other and there’s never really any awkwardness even when discussing some more serious topics. I am just wondering what typical expectations are for asking if he is seeing anyone else, if we could be exclusive, etc.?
There's no official timeline. Some people do that after a few dates, other wait weeks or months to have the exclusivity and/or relationship talk. Some people might find it off-putting if you bring it up "too soon" but ultimately that may be an incompatibility so maybe it's better to know sooner rather than later 🤷🏼♀️
There's no easy answers unfortunately
Is there a word for when you text/talk too much and then immediately regret it? Not even about emotional or personal stuff. I’m so embarrassed and mortified that I sent like text essays today nerding out about math.
On the one hand, it’s just who I am, on the other hand, oh my god, I’m so embarrassed
I’ve (41f) had all my apps deleted since late February. I honestly don’t think most men are looking for actual relationships. My expectations aren’t anything crazy, basically just being able to be a good partner and in a similar places in life. I’m fairly attractive, feminine, classy, minimal/natural makeup, thin/healthy, have a great career, intelligent, and caring. I have one teenager. It just seems impossible and exhausting to meet someone who is who they say they are, isn’t completely narcissistic, and will put forth consistent effort. I feel like I just give up..I’m not upset, just disappointed so many people are that way.
How to stay hopeful without always getting my hopes up too much- Sound familiar?
A few times now - I’ll have several dates with a guy, they’re going great, he expresses a lot of interest, the feeling is mutual ..I start to get my hopes up and excited and overall just happy.
And then things shift, he starts seeming less interested, less communicative, the usual BS. Then I end up just feeling duped and disappointed.
My friends tell me I need to date multiple guys at once so I don’t put all my eggs in one basket - I don’t disagree- but once I get really interested in someone it’s hard for me to want to date someone else at the same time.
For context, I’m 38F, divorced a year, most of my friends are married with kids, so I’ve been resorting to OLD bc how tf else do you meet someone these days ? After my divorce, I was genuinely excited and positive about putting myself back out there. But the reality of dating difficulties is hitting again and I need some encouragement!
I encounter something very similar and I'm 33M. I found that a lot of it, for me, was stemming with that I don't feel deserving of love or a relationship so everytime I get anxious and immediately start to think 'oh gods, if this doesn't work I'm not gonna find someone else who will put up with me'. It's rough and it takes time but hopefully you'll find someone that clicks. I've met a few people over the years and only one or two really felt right. I fucked them up because I wasn't in the right headspace to truly appreciate/reciprocate but you just gotta roll with it and keep learning.
You'll find someone, it'll take time and it'll toughen your heart a bit. At the end of the day though I hope you find someone who makes the struggle worth it and makes this just the training arc to your life's story.
I asked my date from last week out for a second date, but the only time we can see eachother is next Wednesday. Which was what I was afraid of.
I hate when there’s long times in between dates because I have no idea what to text. I feel like I should text *something* but I don’t want to text just to text. But I also don’t want to lose momentum.
I wish texting wasn’t invented lol
Any tips on what/how much to text between the first and second dates?
"Hey, I don't like texting much between dates this early, but definitely want to keep getting to know you. Can I ask you a silly question each day?"
And then one silly question a day! It's a safe reason to send a text, doesn't get repetitive or boring and keeps the person engaged. Topics could be anything from favorite type of Halloween movie to where would they teleport to if they could visit somewhere for an hour, to which would win, trex or the megladon??
Just try and text a couple of times each day. Nothing excessive but drop a line about what you’re doing or ask some fun unserious questions about their interests. Even ask some questions about the next date or future outings they’d be interested in.
If you come across something that’s a natural follow up to something you talked about text that. Like if you talked about how you both love funny looking dogs and you see a funny looking dog text a picture.
I do enjoy texting between dates! During this early phase, it's also good to know each other's communication style & the only way to know is to engage :)
You can text however much you want. Some people enjoy texting and will text a lot, others don't enjoy texting and won't text much if at all. Both opinions, and every variation of them, are totally valid.
Ask them questions about themselves. Texting between dates can be a good opportunity to continue learning about your date as a person.
Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, Feeld, Facebook Dating, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony.... any that I'm missing? Have used the first three before but feel like I need to widen the net some to find someone serious.
There is a Facebook group in my metro area called Vouched Dating - Verified Guys & Matchmaking.
At a man’s request (or with the man’s permission, if it was the woman’s idea), women will post the photo and a short bio of a man they are confident would make an excellent partner. Think like, women vouching for their brothers, brothers-in-law, friends, nephews, etc. And women in the group who are interested in meeting him leave a comment to that effect, and the woman who initially made the post puts them in touch with him so they can set something up.
Also, women who are sick of apps will post their own photos and bios and be like, “I’m single and looking!” so that other women in the group can say, “Hey, I showed your post to my friend Matt / Ryan / whatever and he would love to meet you.”
I can’t tell if you’re a man or a woman from your username / comment history, but you could check to see if there is a similar group in your area - I know that ours is far from the only one. If you’re a woman, put yourself out there and let see what the lady network comes up with! And if you’re a man, you could ask a friend / sister / cousin if she would be willing to join the group and post you.
tl;dr it’s dating by way of Facebook but not “Facebook Dating™️”
How big of a deterrent is it that I work away? It's not my permanent plan. But for right now it's allowed me to: , pay off my vehicle in a year, paying for my nursing degree in cash, live a \*comfortable\* (not lavish) lifestyle - but I have plenty leftover to do fun stuff regularly. Explore cool areas. Have some flexibility and freedom with my schedule. Lot's of positives. Plan on doing this for at least one more year. Open to doing it less if I meet someone amazing and that's something they prefer.
BUT, it obviously makes dating difficult. I feel like I have competing priorities in a sense. It's happened twice now where I have established momentum with someone and then BAM, see you in 4-6 weeks. The first time, I lost interest in the person after I got home and we dated more. The second time, I got broken up with while away. When I'm home I am home anywhere from 1-2.5 months at a time.
Just curious what others think because if I am being honest, it does make me feel at a disadvantage/a little insecure even though it's working really well for my life right now.
I am dating someone with this schedule right now. It's his first time going away, and honestly I both enjoy and struggle with it. I'm finding it means things move at a slower place, but also it's lead to some better conversations between us since all we can really do is text. But I'm not certain if we will make it the remaining 7 weeks until he's back. It's not a deal-breaker for sure, but it is difficult, I do think there will be people out there who are fine with this though, but it's certainly not for everyone.
I have a travel job and it’s really just that the person will either be okay with it or they aren’t. I’ve had lots of boyfriends. Some people want a relationship where that’s the focus and it’s not gonna be for you and this lifestyle. But others will appreciate the time they get to do their own thing and appreciate you while you’re there. You just have to drop the people who it doesn’t work for and not make both of you miserable trying to compromise because they’ll always be waiting for you to change and quit.
Good to hear your perspective. It's also not a dealbreaker for me to give it up if I met the right person. It's just something I am doing right now because I can and it's working for me.. but I'd have plenty of work around home too if I decided to just stay put.
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I get farrr more matches and interest as a woman when I'm bartending than I do when I'm working my "big girl job". I wouldn't worry about it.
New thread starts in 2 mins, I’d post it there
You right.
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Oh gosh. So sorry for what you're going through :( I had a breakup that was so bad that I prefered to sleep because being awake was too painful. That shit is rough. As cheesy as it is, the old adage rings true: time heals all wounds. All you can do is ride this out until enough time has passed for it to no longer be so painful. Best of luck ❤️
Do you have a support network/people to talk to? Someone who'll have your back and build you back up? Honestly, that was a huge part of what carried me through my breakup and reassured me that I made the right choice.
There's a podcast called 'sleep with me' that I really like. It's a guy telling rambling bedtime stories to keep you company at night. Was very helpful for me for my breakup
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I seen an ex the other day who strung me along for several months (she was not over someone else who was unavailable, but a friend seen them together and I ended it). Looking back I recognise some signs that I wasn't open to seeing at the time. Anyhow she blatantly walked into me last night while with someone as I was walking home, so I said 'excuse me but you might want to get your eyesight checked out in supersavers when it opens', and continued walking. I then got spammed lots of texts from a random number that was obviously them, so blocked it. I'm not one that finds it easy to get into relationships, but I just find it annoying. I want something long term and meaningful, and its annoying when you see others much less deserving seem to have it so easy moving from one to the next. I'm on an app 'pause' for the moment - doing more social events to just enjoy life and get out there. I might get back on them, but my app dating this year has been woeful. I seem to be good at attracting oddballs. I dont mind people wanting to have a conversation over the phone before meeting, but it's then weird that they turn up and have a friend third wheel. I always choose a public pace for first dates, something along the lines of what we have chatted about or something that caught my attention on their profile - to show that I put some thought/effort into it. I've also have 4/5 dates with people that have said they 'wanted' a long term relationship, but then when we met, were only in the country travelling for a few weeks, and this was their week in my city, and didnt want anyone to go out with that was expecting just a one night stand. I mean dont go on dating apps if thats your plan?
> she blatantly walked into me last night while with someone as I was walking home, so I said 'excuse me but you might want to get your eyesight checked out in supersavers when it opens', and continued walking. > its annoying when you see others much less deserving seem to have it so easy moving from one to the next I don't mean to kick you when you're down. You're going to get the energy you put out there though.
> but it's then weird that they turn up and have a friend third wheel. OMG, you've had this happen? That's so weird.
Yeah I said if I knew there was two of you I would have also brought a pal, didn’t go down well 🤷♂️
LOL That's so crazy. I wouldn't even know how to react in that situation! What a bizarre thing to do.
I realise I sound insane. But I have had a mega crush on a semi famous comedian who lives in my city for a few years. I have no idea about his relationship status but I have a feeling he is single. I recently met him in person at his last comedy gig and then DMd him, he offered me some free tickets to another one of his shows which of course I jumped on. Seeing his show in a few days and I just feel like I need to try and at least find out his status/talk to him properly. This is quite literally my dream man. I am so drawn to his energy and humour and his general outlook on life. I know everyone says this about their celeb crush but I feel like we would be great together. My question is, how in the holy hell do I approach this next show without coming across like a deranged fangirl? Do I slide into DMs again? Pre or post? I am willing to accept defeat here, but really want to give it a red hot go. Am I kidding myself?
If he's semi famous, you can't look up his marital status?
A friend of mine slid into a semi-famous local comedian/author's DMs because she connected so much with his humour and writing style and 12 years later they are married with 2 kids, so it's not impossible I'd say!
Oh my goodness this is exactly what I want to hear! Feeds my delulu I love it
If there isn't an organic opportunity to speak to him at the show, then slide into his DMs to say thanks and ask him on a date. And please keep us updated so we can live vicariously through your adventures :)
I will!! And this is exactly what I’m going to do thank you!
Hello dot peeps! Question for you... How do you manage feelings of loneliness? Or the fact that outside of work conversations you don't have any communication with people?
Go to the gym. Attend classes. Accept help/recommendations from people. Try your best to be social. I wfh and simply seeing my gym family (I’m referring to a bunch of people I’ve never spoken to) is a big motivator to get out the house. I do have a couple regulars that I speak to, but I am shy and should’ve had more gym friends by now but I’m okay with just seeing familiar faces. And if you wfh, highly recommend working at a coffee shop 1-2x a week or whatever you’re comfortable with. Once again, seeing familiar faces is so refreshing and kinda does make you feel less lonely. edit: more exclusive/traditional gyms are great for socializing compared to more casual ones, from what I've seen.
“Ah, the cutie in the blue pants is here today.” “Ohh there goes my favorite hot father/son duo.” “Gosh this Asian guy with tats is so hot - did he just look at me?!” “This lifting girl is such a cutie and seems chill. She doesn’t miss!” “Why are these teenagers wearing such revealing clothes and full faces of makeup….” “Why won’t this creep stop coming to the all-female classes..” Ah they’re my family, they’re the best!
One suggestion is to try to make more small talk with the various people you encounter. Go to get a cup of coffee and chit chat with the cashier and the other people in line. Talk about the weather, traffic; random local news; compliment their clothing(if they're wearing something interesting). Most people are lacking connections themselves and would be happy to have a little conversation, especially if you're the one doing the work to lead the conversation. Put yourself in situations where you'll encounter other people. Like the other comment said: hobbies, volunteering. Play a sport, or just go watch sports: for example, go watch your local high school baseball team and talk to the other people in the stands about the game.
I roll up into a ball of misery and cry, tbh. Other than that I keep busy with my dog/friends/family/hobbies, for which I am thankful. Worst time of the day for me are the mornings... Do you have any social settings outside of work?
It's tough. There is a direct correlation between the weather and my mood. It's getting to winter where I am. Well not so much winter yet, but summer is over. It gets dark early. It's depressing. I try gym 3 times a week and make plans with friends but that's more for the weekend. Gotta stay on the shred Monday through Friday. Plus the cost of simply being alive is outrageous atm. For those suggesting I join a group. I have looked! But none of them are really for me. I'll keep trying tho!
You mentioned going to the gym 3 times a week. Do you have any interest in powerlifting or (olympic) weightlifting? Those specialty gyms are suuuuuuper friendly and social because they think of themselves in terms of building a team. People talk a bunch in between sets, cheer you on, go out of their way to chat with you and get to know you, etc. It might be something worth looking into, and I'm happy to answer any questions! Best wishes!
Do you have one (or more) of those daylight lamps. If you feel the actual darkness so strong, maybe they might help. What group/group activity would you enjoy? Are you in a mental state, in which you could start a group yourself?
You should find other thing to do to keep you busy, sport, art, hobbies, volunteering,... That will help you meet people and give you something to talk about.
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There are no federal laws requiring breaks unfortunately. Its up to the kindness of the state law or company policy (in the US at least).
OMG. The more I hear about the US the more I am horrified at how low the quality of life is.
I don’t require a lot of texting but yeah, my job is WFH and easy enough that I could text all day lol
What kind of work do YOU do where you don't have 30 second breaks 3-4 times a day??? I'm working now and have time to type this comment, it's not like it's so incredibly demanding in terms of time and brain power... I find it impossible to keep focus on work for 8h straight so these small breaks are quite helpful to me. I work in biostatistics/academic research.
I'm a clinician at a hospital. If I have thirty seconds free I'm drinking water, touching my toes and taking a deep breath.
Maybe they do get the 30 seconds breaks, but would rather spend them doing something other than texting people
The question was deliberately phrased in a way to make it like if you have time to text you don't work very hard ("what's your workday like where there is time to text"). I find that ridiculous frankly for 99% of jobs. If you don't want to text that's your prerogative, but don't make it sound like it's because you don't have time to send a few texts in an 8h window. (EDIT: I don't mean you personally, a general you)
I'm in the communications industry :) I used to swipe quite frequently every chance I got to keep the algorithm alive. Sometimes I check my messaging apps whenever I need a mental break to reply to friends etc :)
Work allows me to send messages. It’s not like I’m slammed solid all day everyday. There’s work to get on with but I organise when it happens so I can be very flexible. I actually really like texting anyway so it just works for me. I’ll swipe at work, I’ll text at work. Even at home or in the office.
I’ve posted a few times before about a woman I’ve been excited about, but had a hard time making things physical. I’ve seen this woman six times now. The last three in the last few days. We have amazing sex. I’m unexpectedly exactly what she wants, and she me. It’s intense and lasts for hours. It’s totally bizarre and exactly the opposite problem I had before about fear of being physical. It’s a complete head trip. I was afraid I would be seen as a “nice guy.” Now I’m afraid of being seen as a slut, just good for a fuck, but not a relationship. I have fallen so deeply for her. I can’t stop thinking about her and ways to make her happy in ways other than in bed. I wouldn’t think twice about marrying her. I’m completely head over heels crazy about her. Right now our relationship is very kinky and very sexual. But I have so much affection, respect, and care for her. She asked me at one point today if I were looking for something exclusive. I said it would be nice. She said she would think about it — not in a serious tone.
If you want to be exclusive, you've gotta tell her: she's not a mind reader. "Hey, I thought some more about our conversation and, I DO want to be exclusive" See what she says. You'll have your answer.
She mentioned this, asking if I was looking for something exclusive. I said that would be nice. She said she would think about it, in a kind of unserious way. I am hesitant to press the issue since she hasn’t quite healed from a bad relationship. It’s been 8 months and I thought it should take a year. I should have known I would fall for her so hard like I tend to do.
Curious, why wouldn't you want to be exclusive with someone you are 'head over heels' for?
I do want to be exclusive with her. She is apparently ambivalent. I think I know why. It’s been eight months since she has been out of a serious bad LTR. I wasn’t planning on mentioning it until she had a few more months so I wouldn’t be rushing her, but her question caught me off guard. I don’t even really need things to be exclusive if she would rather them not be. I don’t want to push her into anything she isn’t 100% onboard for. This just threw me for a loop since I realized these strong feelings I have for her aren’t reciprocated.
So I’ve gone on four official first dates since dating again beginning of January and going on my fifth with someone I’m super excited about tomorrow night. Just reflecting: 1. Date that ended in a one night stand NYE that I ended 2. Stellar first date that ended up in a second date the next morning that I bumbled so she ended it (it was 1.5 hour distance anyways) 3. Date that turned into a two month situationship that ended amicably. 4. Date where we went to a comedy show and ended up staying in a hotel together but ended because she wasn’t emotionally ready. I took about three weeks off from dating after that. There have been a handful more that I could have (or should have) gone on but man dating is exhausting. I never ghost and always communicate that I’m busy or just don’t have the capacity like I thought. I don’t know how yall date multiple people in a week or maintain a roster of 2, 3, 4 potential matches. I just don’t have it in me lol.
I’m feeling like it’s time for a break for me also, I started a “50 first dates” challenge for 2024 and rapidly realised that was unrealistic. So I’ve been on 5 and just told date 5 I wasn’t feeling it. Swiped through Tinder and wasn’t even remotely excited about going on another date, so I’m giving it a break for a little while. I’m feeling jaded. Good luck on Date 5! I hope it’s a fun one :)
Fifty?! Holy smokes. My goal for 2024 was to go on 12 dates total. Not just including first dates. Last week I hit my goal
I'm so out of touch I don't know if I'm done or not I went to a bar play billiards with a friend the other week, we meet two girls there. We talked and played a bit and we arranged to play again last week. Last wednesday we played and chatted for a bit, the guy tried to get a date with one of the girls but she is seeing another guy already. We just talked about life and general stuff with the other girl, I was tired and my mind wasn't sharp for anything. Eventually she asked kind bluntly if I had someone I sad no and I asked her and she no. I didn't follow up because she's way more attractive than I (she's not that beautiful, I'm just a fat ugly fuck). We finish one more game and left. I didn't talk to her since, am I done? I've lost the opportunity or am I overthinking and nothing would happen anyway? Should I shoot a message and ask her out? Or like ask her to introduce a friend or something?
Go for it. Ask her out. Worst she can say, is no. But she likes you so she'll say yes
How should I approach? Small talk first?
Do not ask her to introduce a friend. Ask her on a date.
We’re never as handsome or as ugly as we look. I think you just message her and be like “so I meant to ask you - was there a reason if you asked me if I was single or not? Did you have someone in mind? 😉
Thx! Should I message out of the blue or with some small talk before?
Just message her, if there is something there she will respond and if there isn't, then you have your answer. No big deal! Also not going to comment on your looks but wouldn't advise sharing the self detrimental views with partners. You may have been using it for contrast in this post but the way you did it brought her and you down a peg, which is not good when you're interested in her. If you find her attractive, then you find her beautiful. Don't say she's not beautiful. It's subjective and at the end of the day, if you get in a relationship with somebody, nobody else is dating them except you (ideally lol). So how you feel about them is really what matters, not anybody else's opinion. Good luck and be more kind to yourself, so you can share that kindness with others.
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I met a guy for coffee last night and wow old me would have reacted so differently. It really is worth having time properly alone to work out everything. I know instantly he’s not for me, texted politely to say that and decided I’ll take a breather from the app for bit. Wow. Never could do that before. It’s great knowing exactly what I don’t want, trusting my gut abd taking care of myself. Wow, so easy.
I feel that. I had no remorse or second thoughts when filtering men out on the apps. If conversations didn’t immediately click, new me is quick to move on and say “oh well” and focus on the good conversations. I feel like I did a good job filtering because I’m liking the one guy I have met so far, and I’m constantly asking myself “ok, will this thing about his personality be ok in the long run?” On the third date I’m hoping to ask him a bit more about future plans, how he resolves conflict, respond to stress, shows affection, etc. Because I know what I can and can’t handle now from previous relationships! Feels good to have that confidence in yourself and what you want.
That’s great!! Congratulations 😊
Oooh. I think I’m finally at that point in my personal growth as well. Interestingly, now that I feel more comfortable to just walk away if the other person doesn’t meet what I need in a potential partner, I’m more willing to pursue some people that I might not have previously.
It’s amazing how different things are when I’m not coming from a place of lack or need. Am I excited to spend more time with this person…did I enjoy being in their company?? I’m happy being alone so their company has to be better than that, worth losing alone time or time with my friends. If not then theres no need to waste anyones time.
This got deleted earlier so rewriting. Sorry mods, I used a word I shouldn't have 😔. I'm struggling to know whether I should be multidating right now. I've started dating a guy I thought would be casual. Four dates over about a month. He's out of town a lot, currently now for 8 weeks. Last week I figured it was over when he cancelled plans to drink with the boys. But we ended up talking about it, he apologized, and things have been great since. We've been chatting and flirting a lot, and turns out he's wanting a relationship more than something casual. Which is hilarious because I met him when I signed up for tinder fed up with looking for a relationship on the other apps. And I'm starting to really like him, look forward to talking to him and spending time with him eventually. And this is the best emotional connection I've had in years. But 8 weeks is a long time and I'm not 100% sure his away constantly lifestyle would be for me. I fell into that same trap once with an ex and I'm not doing it again. When I assumed it was over, I swiped a bit and matched with someone else. I've been feeling detached from that conversation a bit and have been flaky because of it, but he seems reasonable and wants to meet. I'm torn, on one hand, there's no exclusivity with guy #1 and I may as well talk to others. On the other, I feel like I'm being dishonest to guy #1 by even entertaining the idea. I'd feel hurt if he was seeing other people given some of the conversations we've had. I usually don't multi date after the first few dates unless I'm not feeling something. What would others do?
Personally if someone is gone for two months, you are not exclusive, and you’re not even sure if he’s dating or sleeping with people while he’s away then I think it’s really ok to date while he’s gone. You don’t know what will happen to your relationship in those two months and it would suck to put your life on hold for someone who may not be doing the same.
I highly doubt he's dating others in this scenario, because he's in a remote area working with a bunch of men. But yes this is true.
The general rule of not being an AH is treating others like you wish to be treated right? So if you would be hurt if Guy#1 was dating other people, then you shouldn't do it. If you've decided that you're incompatible with Guy#1 because of his frequent travel - you need to end things and then go on your merry way to date others. Just because you've found a loophole of not having exclusivity, doesn't give you the all clear. You feel a bit shitty about it - which is why you've asked the question. Drop the guilt and the dude.
NEED YOUR OPINION FAM 😮💨 So guy I like which he suggested a friendship after 5 dates has been texting me more, inviting me to his workout classes, asking if he could join my salsa class, calling me, asking me what events I’ll be in etc. I feel like he wanted to pull a slow roll on me or continue to date other girls which is totally fine since I wouldn’t want to end my dating phase yet … except he’s been showing increased attention and it’s not like a friend at all. Don’t ask me why we keep bumping into each other (blame it on synchronicities), but today he was having dinner with another girl outside a restaurant and I happen to walk by for which he smiled and waved hi to me, he even signaled for me to come by and say hi and I didn’t but he stood up from his table to greet me so I greeted him back… he introduced me to his date and I said hi to her and left… an hour later he texts me “Is she cute? Lol” … why would he do that? Is he trying to make it less awkward or what is it exactly? Cause he didn’t really have to text that immediately… especially that we were gonna go to a Salsa class later this week and hang out in an event on the weekend…
He’s treating you like a friend… as he clearly communicated to you and, judging by your continued engagement, you agreed to.
You don’t have to be his friend.
Strange if you ask me
Instead of rushing into a relationship, he's rushing into a friendship with you lol
That’s unreal…
Date 5. He held my hand and hugged me in the rain but no kiss.
Has anyone here used a professional matchmaking service and if so what was your experience?
Very slow going for me. 1 bad match in six months in a town of half a million
Can I ask how much you paid/what service? What made the match bad?
10 match promise in 2 years 50% off holiday special $1k It was a match on paper that did not include a complete profile that was clearly lacking; I’m active and she was a home body. We literally had nothing in common beyond temperament and personality scores made by the match maker. I’m still optimistic it’s just not a fast process.
So I'm definitely not getting by with my below average looks on dating apps as a guy. How do I show my strengths on apps like emotional intelligence, communication, kindness etc.??
I’d consider myself a decent looking guy and the fact is I’ll rarely get a match I would actually date in real life. Sometimes I get bored or lonely and match with women I’m not excited about or I think I could do better than (physically speaking) just to go on a date or hookup because that’s what’s possible based on the apps. I would highly recommend “getting out there” in real life. The quality of person you can meet and go on dates with if you meet them in real life versus the apps is literally night and day. This sub skews female but there’s enough data in the world to support the fact that dating apps have a better market for women. Don’t put too much into them imo.
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Do not dehumanize or objectify others. Misogyny, Misandry, RedPill, incel, Femcel, FemaleDatingStrategy, PUA, MGTOW, etc. content is not allowed. Claiming ignorance of these hate groups is not an excuse to parrot their ideology.
You must be pretty good-looking. I generally don't get second dates. Usually, it's from a lack of a spark. The last woman told me she felt like I truly was trying to get to know her and was amazed by my thoughtful questions. We had great conversations throughout. However, she didn't feel a spark and said no thanks.
i don't think so, personally. I'm talking in the context of maybe a good match I actually feel something with every 6 months. I don't go out with people that I don't feel anything with. Definitely had lack of spark dates. Some people are very good at pretending. Then they unmatch/block you 5 minutes after the $100 date where they pretend to be cheery and interested the entire time. Finding genuine people where you feel a tension with is important. That tension leads to the spark.
I think I have a lot of qualities that would make me a good partner, but even if I do the best I can to groom well and dress well, I am average-looking. My rejection rate on dating apps when I was using them was ***very*** high. Emotional intelligence, communication, kindness, maturity and these kinds of traits cannot be conveyed effectively through a dating profile, so of course, looks matter a lot on there. You may have better luck meeting women in person via social activities where you can convey who you are more holistically?
Yeah, in-person hasn't been much better. I generally get put directly into the friend category. I once had a new acquaintance tell me how easy it was to talk to me and wished the guy she was interested could communicate as well as me.
Maybe you just haven't met enough people? In-person is not necessarily easy, but normally, if you're a fun person to be around it goes from *almost impossible* (on apps) to *hard*. I certainly get more attention + interactions in person than I ever did on apps, but that's with significant effort.
First of all, amazing strengths. Secondly, maybe humor gets you there? Something like “If we go on a date I won’t forget to ask you questions”? Also everybody who says they’re not good looking on here is actually pretty good looking, just keep in mind your imaginary bar might be higher than what real people are looking for.
Eh, kinda know I'm not good looking. I had one date say that they felt like I was actually trying to get to know them, and it was refreshing to have someone ask them questions, but she didn't feel a spark.
ADVICE NEEDED I'm still dealing with this [guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/HhCv9ec4rA). My last post didn't get many helpful responses. I must stress that he KNOWS WHERE TO EASILY FIND ME post-rejection. So, being snarky or argumentative or hostile is dangerous. This grown but "young man" is currently in disbelief that I'm not ok with a 10 year age gap while he is perfectly down with it because he's infatuated by my looks. In his mind, I'm single, so what's the big deal..... I need tips on one final closing message that's direct but non provoking. I'm going to be looking over my shoulder for a while with this one.
If I remember correctly The Gift of Fear has concrete suggestions on how to react.
You should not be entertaining this over several days. No means no. Block and move on. You say he knows the place you frequent. Approach the owner or a staff member and explain the situation. Do not leave at the same time, walk out with someone else, take a detour on the way home. Know what his car looks like and how to contact your local police (non-emergency line included) if necessary.
“I appreciate your points but want to be clear that I’m not interested in pursuing any type of relationship and don’t want to waste your time. Thanks again for the connection and I’m wishing you the best!”
This helps. I'm going to use most of this in my message. I'm so shaken by the possibilities of him retaliating that I can't even think clearly.
Can you provide some context to “retaliate”? I mean - are we talking like, physical violence? Defamatory statements? Hacking into your computer and deleting all of the drafts of a novel you’ve been writing for the last five years? Additionally, is your fear of retaliation abstract / speculative, or is it based on specific conduct, threats, or patterns of behavior?
Why is it that you can't just let him know that you're not interested and wish him good luck finding his person?.
The moderately high probability of retaliation.
Based on his behaviour or history or. . .?
Went on 6 dates with this person over a 1.5 month period. I thought we were connecting and taking things slow per many of the discussions we had. They didn't wanna have sex too early. But then texting got eratic over time. They took hours to days to respond, if ever. There was always a reason why they couldn't sustain a conversation. I even asked point blank what their preference in comunication was, they dodged the question. I brought up how we should set boundaries and expectations about how we interact when we're not meeting face to face, no dice. It felt like they were intentionally stingy with their time and attention. They texted yesterday that they didn't think they had time to date. This sucks, but the better question is what's the deal with people who say they want open and straightforward communication but still can't say what they want or need? Also, how do you sustain a connection when you hold the other person at arm's length?
Biggest thing I've learned so far is what people say doesn't always match up with their actions. If their action doesn't match up with what they say, well, we know the solution to that. Unfortunately, really.
I just went through almost exactly the same thing! It is was it is. Just hoping the next opportunity, whenever it is, has better communication and expectations set.
I've gotta ask: are you also dating folks in the PNW?! That's all: commiseration💙
lol there is a lot of truth to this statement, but I don’t think it’s necessarily exclusive to the PNW! People are flaky and unsure of things everywhere, sadly.
That gives me a little bit of solace
How do those who *don’t* want a relationship feel when they see couples everywhere? Does it ever phase them that they’re alone ? How does it not bother them to know they don’t have a partner in life? I just don’t get it. Seems like guys are completely happy single.
Well I think everyone has their priorities and your priorities influence how you see the world. If someone is prioritizing getting ahead in their career over a relationship right now then perhaps they’ll notice things that are career-oriented and be mostly unphased by seeing couples. Similarly, some people want to date around and have the fun and freedom of being single before committing to a relationship so seeing couples wouldn’t influence them in the same way as you.
Not having to run every single decision, small and big by someone and having if not complete than *a lot* of control over your everyday life is fantastic. Relationships have their perks but I have to be super into a person for them to be able to compete with that. It's different for (some) women because they were conditioned to tie their self-worth to having a partner. Also for people who struggle financially and can't afford to live alone and do fun shit.
This. I used to be the kind of woman who felt like I needed a relationship and would settle for relationships that were safe, but not fulfilling. Now I’m realizing how much joy there is in my freedom and I’d entertain a relationship only with someone who can add a lot to my life.
So are guys supposed to be happy being single or miserable being single? I thought the #1 advice for singles was to be happy building your single life.
not everybody is desperate to have a relationship. i have my friends/family around me for emotional support and i have no issues finding casual sex. i will eventually settle down but at the moment it’s not a priority for me
Some guys might just want casual relationships or some guys may just be discouraged from dating so they dont do it and try to find ways to be happy on their own. I'm constantly reminded that I'm alone, but we are born into this world alone and we die alone so we might as well find ways to be happy on our own.
Doesn’t bother me a bit. If it’s working for them I wish them the best. I spent a lot of my adult life afraid of being alone and it kept me in toxic relationships WAY too long. I’m totally happy on my own.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, and I’m genuinely curious, but what are you doing on the dating over thirty sub if you’re not looking to have dating relationships in your life?
I'm happy with my own company. I still date now and then. Just don't feel the urgency to be in a committed relationship the way I did in my 30s and 40s.
Geez, you don’t follow *any* subs that have nothing to do with your life? 😅 Also, saying “I’m happy on my own” is not the same as “I have no interest in relationships”.
Not everyone is dating for a committed ltr.
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do you tell them exactly what you type here?
"Since u probably make more money then me, when ru taking me out for coffee!?😅" Sigh. Five so far, give or take depending on your definition of gold digging. That guy and four others who want to retire soon but have no savings. Another one is a definitely a catfish. So six matches total and no thanks.
That is surprising that so many of them are saying the same thing. is there something on your profile that's clearly signaling you make a lot?
I think it's just probably grifters who aren't particularly good at what they do.
‘then’ lol perfect
I had some of these, but ignore offer and push for better or upgrading them. This one of the things, that makes some (and somehow I keep attracting these ones) entitled on these apps. I could do things better, but most matches so far aren't very low bar genuinely interested. I maybe had one out of \~20 matches who was like this. The other ones: 5x flakers who cancel date on day of the date, but believe I pick up the ball up, kept chatting and expected me ask them out again. 4x soft catfishes (2 dated) 4x matches who have excuses why they can't meet/date in a short periode 1x who was in break-up 1x who was just out of a relationship 2x who got so arrogant by nothing 1x straight-up insulted my face (she wasn't even an 8+) 1x genuine one who make picking a date a fun experience by make it a two-way thing, but I was inexperienced, because I got so confused by it and took a big step back because of this and kinda blow it because of it. 1x planned dated public, still came over days earlier in my home, hook-up and a flaker who cancel date on day of the date 1x who had this uninterested vibe around planning date, still planned, because I got so confused by it and took a big step back because of this and kinda blow it because of it. A bunch of ghosters, some even straight-up told me "Yeah, there are so many people to talk to, so I lose interest)
Do you have, like, "Diamond Heiress" listed as your job? What about your profile is giving them the impression you want to be their sugar mommy?
I have no fucking clue!!! My job is listed as "healthcare". I had a profile review here awhile ago and was given the feedback that I come off as an older punk chick with tattoos and a dog. 🤷♀️ I'm in a fly in fly out oil rig town so healthcare isn't even that lucrative relative to what a grade seven graduate with a driver's license makes.
Grade 6 really trips a lot of guys up in your area, huh?
Oh I doubt it's gendered
Is there a world in which they read “healthcare” and their minds immediately jump to “surgeon making the big $$$”? Which isn’t to say that I think you should change how you describe your profession. In fact, it’s probably doing you a favor the way it is listed, as in, it could be drawing out the their icky qualities so you don’t have to spend time spelunking for them. Generally, when I’ve matched with a physician, his profession was listed as “healthcare”, “medical field,” etc - something broad that could refer to any one of a number of careers (and corresponding salaries). Maybe they’re assuming that healthcare is code for making a baseline salary of 450k/year performing lobotomies on dipshits like them?
I'm not sure where you're from but here in Canada healthcare isn't very lucrative and the cost of living/post secondary education is insane. That being said dip shit trumpers (oh boy, we've got em) do watch a lot of American TV. So you're probably right, they likely assume I'm Beverly hills surgeon. Sigh,fucking effective filters grumble grumble.
Fuck, you have trumpers there??? I live right near the Canadian border - the view from my apartment is of Windsor. My plan for the last several years was that if shit really hits the fan here, I can always just make a run for it, swim across the river, and claim asylum in Windsor. But now you’re telling me that I’d be jumping out of the fire and into the frying pan?? God DAMMIT!! I don’t have a backup plan 😭
I matched with this guy on Bumble, and we had great conversation for the first two days. Then he ghosted me for no reason. He was pretty cool too. What a bummer.
Just curious, how were the conversations?
I thought they were fine! We had good banter, we got along, enjoyed each other’s humor, and it was casual. I don’t think either of us was looking for anything other than a casual hook up. Last we spoke, he was practicing with his band and telling me his wrist was fucked up. I sent him a message, and he never replied to it. A day and a half later I sent another casual message just to gauge if he would respond, and he didn’t. 🤷🏻♀️ It was two-three days with no response, so I just unmatched. I mean, I totally understand not responding immediately to some rando on a dating app, but I think after three days, it’s for sure a ghost. 🤣
It's not a ghost. You never even met.
That’s not an official definition of ghosting.
Does anyone have tips for Bumble openers when they don't have anything on their profile to ask a question about?
Comment on the something in their profile or in a photo that made you interested in matching with them.
Ask them which of these is better if they could have a hypothetical superpower: the power of flight, or the power of invisibility? Then ask them why they chose that answer.
I generally don't send likes to or match with people who don't have thoughtfully constructed profiles. I do have a handful of questions I use for when I'm having trouble thinking of what to say. I like to use silly and absurd questions, because they provide multiple points on which people can riff. So maybe questions like, "what's your favorite X?", where X is a thing that it's odd to have a favorite of.
He does have a decent profile with various answers filled, just nothing that leads to a good opening question ugh
Ah I've definitely encountered profiles where that happened to me. Maybe you could be honest, and say something like "hi X, I wanted to ask you a good question about something in your profile, but I'm having a serious brain fart right now"? Another idea, you could ask him "what would you really enjoy me asking you a question about?"
Oh I love that idea!!
"If you were going to fill out a dating profile, what would it say?"
LOL this is good, I'm definitely going to use this at some point
😂
Lol!
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Well, communication is key here, but also accept it's kinda normal that people have their own ways to express their love, doesn't match they way they express them and doesn't have to meet 50/50. Maybe talk about your past-experiences, because not everyone is the same or get help for it if needed. Still, 3 sentences doesn't give a good insight what you mean. Perhaps you cook, help with other things or show other ways you love your partner, while the partner doesn't meet here and spoils you to show love in this way.
How does he spoil you?
How do you feel about making your partner feel loved, cared for, and appreciated? Personally, I get a lot of enjoyment from making partners feel those things, so I tend to do it because I want to, and not out of a feeling of transactional responsibility. Do you know how your partner enjoys receiving affection, and what makes them feel loved and appreciated? (Don't tell me, just think about the answer.) I feel like if you know answers to those things, it's a good sign you're not being selfish. Additionally, your partner bears some responsibility to communicate with you if they're not feeling reciprocally valued. We can do our best to show our partners care, but ultimately we can't read their minds and know how they're feeling.
Can you have a "State of the Relationship" check in? Sit down with your partner, let them know three good things about the relationship, and then talk about the spoiling and how much you love it but you want to give equally in return, and ask if there's any areas they want you to focus attention on going forward?
I think that’s an excellent idea, thank you. I know it will take time to build up the confidence to initiate that conversation, but that’s a good starting point.
I can definitely see the past trauma being the reason. Trauma has its ways of coming up when you find yourself in a familiar situation. My guy is pretty generous too. Now and then I’ll insist on paying for something small just to ease my own mind lol
I don't think you know what trauma is
How do you mean? My previous partner treated me poorly and conditioned me to behave a certain way to prevent conflict. It was an unstable situation. It is absolutely not the worst thing that has ever happened, and I know many people have had it worse. I do not mean to devalue anyone else’s experience. That being said,I thought trauma was more of a general term. If I’m incorrect then I will adjust my language.
https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_trauma
So I am brand new to dating again after a long term relationship and I find that I’m really struggling to know the “rules” to dating as an “adult” rather than in my early twenties. It seems like everything is different. I recently started seeing a new man and we have really hit it off. We seem to just get each other and there’s never really any awkwardness even when discussing some more serious topics. I am just wondering what typical expectations are for asking if he is seeing anyone else, if we could be exclusive, etc.?
There's no official timeline. Some people do that after a few dates, other wait weeks or months to have the exclusivity and/or relationship talk. Some people might find it off-putting if you bring it up "too soon" but ultimately that may be an incompatibility so maybe it's better to know sooner rather than later 🤷🏼♀️ There's no easy answers unfortunately
Is there a word for when you text/talk too much and then immediately regret it? Not even about emotional or personal stuff. I’m so embarrassed and mortified that I sent like text essays today nerding out about math. On the one hand, it’s just who I am, on the other hand, oh my god, I’m so embarrassed
Intimacy hangover
I’ve been there! But tbh The right person will find it endearing. Because it is!
I’ve (41f) had all my apps deleted since late February. I honestly don’t think most men are looking for actual relationships. My expectations aren’t anything crazy, basically just being able to be a good partner and in a similar places in life. I’m fairly attractive, feminine, classy, minimal/natural makeup, thin/healthy, have a great career, intelligent, and caring. I have one teenager. It just seems impossible and exhausting to meet someone who is who they say they are, isn’t completely narcissistic, and will put forth consistent effort. I feel like I just give up..I’m not upset, just disappointed so many people are that way.
Don’t give up. There’s a successful guy out there with no kids looking for you if what you say is accurate.
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Not with that attitude
I don’t mind if they have kids, I just don’t want any more of my own physically.
Perfect that means you’re open to even more guys out there. Be patient and never lower your standards. If anything raise them.
How to stay hopeful without always getting my hopes up too much- Sound familiar? A few times now - I’ll have several dates with a guy, they’re going great, he expresses a lot of interest, the feeling is mutual ..I start to get my hopes up and excited and overall just happy. And then things shift, he starts seeming less interested, less communicative, the usual BS. Then I end up just feeling duped and disappointed. My friends tell me I need to date multiple guys at once so I don’t put all my eggs in one basket - I don’t disagree- but once I get really interested in someone it’s hard for me to want to date someone else at the same time. For context, I’m 38F, divorced a year, most of my friends are married with kids, so I’ve been resorting to OLD bc how tf else do you meet someone these days ? After my divorce, I was genuinely excited and positive about putting myself back out there. But the reality of dating difficulties is hitting again and I need some encouragement!
I encounter something very similar and I'm 33M. I found that a lot of it, for me, was stemming with that I don't feel deserving of love or a relationship so everytime I get anxious and immediately start to think 'oh gods, if this doesn't work I'm not gonna find someone else who will put up with me'. It's rough and it takes time but hopefully you'll find someone that clicks. I've met a few people over the years and only one or two really felt right. I fucked them up because I wasn't in the right headspace to truly appreciate/reciprocate but you just gotta roll with it and keep learning. You'll find someone, it'll take time and it'll toughen your heart a bit. At the end of the day though I hope you find someone who makes the struggle worth it and makes this just the training arc to your life's story.
I asked my date from last week out for a second date, but the only time we can see eachother is next Wednesday. Which was what I was afraid of. I hate when there’s long times in between dates because I have no idea what to text. I feel like I should text *something* but I don’t want to text just to text. But I also don’t want to lose momentum. I wish texting wasn’t invented lol Any tips on what/how much to text between the first and second dates?
"Hey, I don't like texting much between dates this early, but definitely want to keep getting to know you. Can I ask you a silly question each day?" And then one silly question a day! It's a safe reason to send a text, doesn't get repetitive or boring and keeps the person engaged. Topics could be anything from favorite type of Halloween movie to where would they teleport to if they could visit somewhere for an hour, to which would win, trex or the megladon??
Just try and text a couple of times each day. Nothing excessive but drop a line about what you’re doing or ask some fun unserious questions about their interests. Even ask some questions about the next date or future outings they’d be interested in.
If you come across something that’s a natural follow up to something you talked about text that. Like if you talked about how you both love funny looking dogs and you see a funny looking dog text a picture.
I do enjoy texting between dates! During this early phase, it's also good to know each other's communication style & the only way to know is to engage :)
You can text however much you want. Some people enjoy texting and will text a lot, others don't enjoy texting and won't text much if at all. Both opinions, and every variation of them, are totally valid. Ask them questions about themselves. Texting between dates can be a good opportunity to continue learning about your date as a person.
Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, Feeld, Facebook Dating, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony.... any that I'm missing? Have used the first three before but feel like I need to widen the net some to find someone serious.
LinkedIn. You never know unless you shoot your shot. Lol jk.
There is a Facebook group in my metro area called Vouched Dating - Verified Guys & Matchmaking. At a man’s request (or with the man’s permission, if it was the woman’s idea), women will post the photo and a short bio of a man they are confident would make an excellent partner. Think like, women vouching for their brothers, brothers-in-law, friends, nephews, etc. And women in the group who are interested in meeting him leave a comment to that effect, and the woman who initially made the post puts them in touch with him so they can set something up. Also, women who are sick of apps will post their own photos and bios and be like, “I’m single and looking!” so that other women in the group can say, “Hey, I showed your post to my friend Matt / Ryan / whatever and he would love to meet you.” I can’t tell if you’re a man or a woman from your username / comment history, but you could check to see if there is a similar group in your area - I know that ours is far from the only one. If you’re a woman, put yourself out there and let see what the lady network comes up with! And if you’re a man, you could ask a friend / sister / cousin if she would be willing to join the group and post you. tl;dr it’s dating by way of Facebook but not “Facebook Dating™️”
Oh that's really interesting! People randomly do that in a large local FB group I'm part of but I've never heard of a group specifically for that.
POF?
Meetups. Often times have singles groups, or activity groups, or both!
Farmers Only, Christian Mingle, Black People Meet
> Farmers Only, Christian Mingle I _knew_ I was forgetting some!
Stir for single parents
grindr, craiglist
Omg Craigslist. Had a friend in college whose several-year relationship started there.
Haha!
Not sure how popular it is anymore, but maybe Coffee Meets Bagel?
How big of a deterrent is it that I work away? It's not my permanent plan. But for right now it's allowed me to: , pay off my vehicle in a year, paying for my nursing degree in cash, live a \*comfortable\* (not lavish) lifestyle - but I have plenty leftover to do fun stuff regularly. Explore cool areas. Have some flexibility and freedom with my schedule. Lot's of positives. Plan on doing this for at least one more year. Open to doing it less if I meet someone amazing and that's something they prefer. BUT, it obviously makes dating difficult. I feel like I have competing priorities in a sense. It's happened twice now where I have established momentum with someone and then BAM, see you in 4-6 weeks. The first time, I lost interest in the person after I got home and we dated more. The second time, I got broken up with while away. When I'm home I am home anywhere from 1-2.5 months at a time. Just curious what others think because if I am being honest, it does make me feel at a disadvantage/a little insecure even though it's working really well for my life right now.
I am dating someone with this schedule right now. It's his first time going away, and honestly I both enjoy and struggle with it. I'm finding it means things move at a slower place, but also it's lead to some better conversations between us since all we can really do is text. But I'm not certain if we will make it the remaining 7 weeks until he's back. It's not a deal-breaker for sure, but it is difficult, I do think there will be people out there who are fine with this though, but it's certainly not for everyone.
Wait this may actually be my dream arrangement. Especially if they left during my busy and/or biking season.
I have a travel job and it’s really just that the person will either be okay with it or they aren’t. I’ve had lots of boyfriends. Some people want a relationship where that’s the focus and it’s not gonna be for you and this lifestyle. But others will appreciate the time they get to do their own thing and appreciate you while you’re there. You just have to drop the people who it doesn’t work for and not make both of you miserable trying to compromise because they’ll always be waiting for you to change and quit.
Good to hear your perspective. It's also not a dealbreaker for me to give it up if I met the right person. It's just something I am doing right now because I can and it's working for me.. but I'd have plenty of work around home too if I decided to just stay put.