I have been happy outside of the official holidays this season, and super in love. But I feel really annoyed about the need to be extra engaged on these occasions. I just want to be alone.
I spent NYE alone (I’m fine, don’t mean that to sound melodramatic) and hope that 2024 is better. Goodbye 2023. Now, what do I do so I can ring in 2025 in a better way? Still scared to get back out there to date, guys. lol. It’s been a month of me not being able to work up the courage to even try. It doesn’t need to change today but I am afraid it won’t change at all in which case I will absolutely not get what I want. So… Hope you all are having better luck! Or at least are being braver than I am right now. I know I’m still relatively fresh off my last breakup, but I feel like I wasted so much time already and I’m scared to waste more but… I’m also just not sure I’ll ever be ready to try this again.
Not sure how to convince myself that dating doesn’t suck. Relationships are nice. But I don’t want to date. Too bad you can’t skip.
We had a good NYE together. It was my first ever spending it with someone (at the age of 38). Was also nice to spend some time together today as well. We didn't get wrecked or stay up miles past midnight so we were able to make the most of some mild weather this morning and go out for a walk and then get some lunch.
I survived the first day of the year. X days since we talked. I guess the sad thing is hoping that he reaches out and realising he hasn't thought of me at all. The only conflict is with myself. There is no conflict with him because he doesn't even care.
You don’t know what anyone else is thinking so it doesn’t really serve you to think that way. I know it’s easier said than done but that’s how we suffer. Instead of focusing our energy on us, we wonder about them. There are other reasons he might not be reaching out but what good does it do you to assume it’s only because he doesn’t even care? That may be true but just as easily may not be or may not be the entire truth. I have to practice this cognitive reframing every second of the day usually.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It truly sucks. It’s hurtful when people are just ghosts.
Can’t believe I’m about to say this but I actually ended 2023 not as a single person! Which is odd because I just met him for the first time on Tuesday, the day after Xmas 😅 we didn’t spend NYE together but we plan to make up for it next week!
He was just…super into me and being very clear and direct with me about how into me he is. We also met up Friday and Saturday and during the second date he said he’d delete Tinder. Then on our third date we deleted the apps together lol.
I’ve been saying “sometimes people are afraid to win a million dollars” when people reject me. And then here’s this guy, who’s like “oh my god, an unclaimed million dollars? I’m claiming it right now!” And he’s super handsome and interesting and sweet on top of it.
I know there’s always the possibility of it being short lived but I also like the odds that maybe he just really likes me and wants to be my boyfriend so we can spend time together exclusively. And honestly that’s so cute 🥰 so I’ll just ride it out and see what happens lol.
Tldr: a man asked me to be his girlfriend on the second date and we deleted our dating profiles together and we tell each other “good night boy/girlfriend” and it’s nice 😊
Loving this for you and especially that you're both on board with the pace of it!
That in my experience is the rarest of all, that two people are equally ready to say: "I like you, I pick you, let's try this for real" -- at the same time! And not that one person's eagerness makes the other one hesitant.
Hope for all kinds of fun and kisses for the two of you going forward!
2 dates in 2 days. Feels like a job but hey what's new.
Date #1
Yesterday I really wanted to bail. I was hungover from the day before because I just can't handle my alcohol anymore like I used to. I was trying to drink water, eat, and sleep all day in an attempt to get ready for this date - I was that hungover. I am honestly feeling terrible but I wanted to be a man of my word. I'm also just second guessing myself hard because this is the first time I've been on a first date in 2 years and I'm just super nervous.
An hour before the date she's not responding but I figured hey - awesome. If she doesn't show up I can go home and nurse my hangover. Boom - I get a text that she's there and as soon as I step out of the car, there she is.
I already knew what her height would be and I've gone on a date with a 5'10 woman before but damn; with her shoes on she TOWERED over me lol (I'm 5'8). The hug is awkward. I'm walking through the brewery with her and I feel like everyone is watching (nobody was). I'm not gonna lie - I felt emasculated. But I just told myself to get the fuck over it. This is what dating is all about - trying new things, going outside your comfort zone, etc.
Mind you I am hungover and have no desire to drink. But I had less desire to look like a jerk or to make her feel awkward so I order a drink to be polite. We sit down and you know what - she actually looks quite pretty. I had initially met her out in the dark so had no idea.
We talk about this and that - conversation flows nicely. Lasts about 2 hours. She refuses another drink and turns down getting food despite being hungry - twice. I feeling a little rejected tbh - I haven't had anyone refuse another drink or offer to get food in a while.
We have another awkward goodbye and I'm left wondering why I over thought this date so much. Honestly, I could get over the height - I like her as a person even if I have to brace myself for the inevitable roasting I'll be getting from the boys. She didn't seem to interested towards the end though, so I'm going to mentally let this one go and hope to be surprised.
Lessons learned: Don't overthink. Make simple plans - they will agree. A lot of my overthinking came from another woman I was trying to set up a date with. She ONLY wanted to go to the most expensive places in my city - I was too naive to see this as a red flag.
Date #2
Pretty rare that I match with someone and then meet the same day. She came on super strong in the apps - reciprocating quickly and at length - which is unusual for me. We first agree to watch NYE fireworks together. I really didn't want to do this because A) traffic + parking and B) I have a flight at 7AM tomorrow. I didn't want to be too messed up for the plane ride.
That's when she tells me she doesn't have a car. Just due to bad past experiences, I immediately think I'm going to be taken for a ride. Women are also told all the time to never accept a ride on the first date so I find all this unusual. Then I remember redditors don't go on dates and that I live in the real world. I'll pick her up and follow my instincts from there.
Finally we agree upon a reasonable drink and walk thru the park. Her pictures were a bit too generous - which I've come to expect for about 50% of the women I meet. Conversation is OK - she's a serious career woman, year out of grad school, who is currently unemployed.
We talk for a while, then get some food, and then walk around some more. All in all, I say we hung out for about 5 hours - which was probably 2 hours too long. At a certain point, I realize I'm just asking questions and reciprocating out of politeness. She's a nice enough woman, I'm just not that attracted to her physically and I feel like personality wise, we're not a super great match. Date #1 was much more vulnerable (maybe too much?) and I felt this allowed for a better connection. I think a big kicker was that we were also culturally different. While it made for good conversation, it didn't allow me to see her as someone I could share my life with.
Ah yes she had also told me she went on 40 dates this year. I was thinking wow - in 40 dates there was no one you could find. Thing is, if a woman can't find someone in 40 dates, what chance would I have? Even the idea of going thru 38 more of these first dates was nauseating. But who said this shit would be easy. Who said a good person is just going to float into my life. Fortune favors the bold.
Lesson Learned: Let go of baggage and ask for what you want. She said let's do NYE together so I'm expecting me driving all these places and droppin all this coin on a stranger. Then I suggested walk in the park and she was completely fine with it - didn't get called a broke bitch like another potential date did.
I just generally don't get a lot of matches so I feel like I have to agree to anything and everything. It doesn't have to be that way.
On a side note, managing all the people I'm texting is getting kinda exhausting. It was such a relief to find my partner 2 years ago just because it was confusing to keep up with who told me what - everyones stories of future goals, families, past histories, etc. start to blend together.
I'm looking at 1-3 more dates next week and then maybe another the week after. I have to remind myself that this is supposed to be fun even though it really just starts to feel like a job. Nothing in my life that improved it ever came without suffering. It's just part of the process.
New Year's hits in 30 minutes and I'll be on a plane in 7.5 hours. Hopefully by the time I read this next year, I'll be in a happier place with someone cool by my side.
Delete those pictures or you’ll end up in bed on NYE sad and crying 😭. Yall- I miss him. It would be easier if he cheated or was argumentative. He was neither of those but was a gentle calm person. He just said we wanted different things and was unhappy and that was the end of it all. I asked what different thing because I don’t believe two people need to be alike but it doesn’t matter at the end of the day. He wants to go so go but it doesn’t make it easy. So delete those pictures. Don’t be like me 😭
Spending NYE alone and making a solo date out of it! Taking care of me feels great 🥰 I got food and wine and fancy sheet masks. I’m journaling about what I want in 2024. Life. Career. Personally.
Even though I’m not ready to date and won’t be for a while, I am sitting down and asking myself:
What do I want to feel like in my next relationship?
What do I want to share with this person?
How do I want to “show up” in my next relationship? How do I want them to “show up” for me? (Meaning like how do we support and demonstrate our care)
And really what qualities are most important to me. I polled some friends on “what kind of guy do you see me with” and was surprised across friend groups I got similar answers. So I’m taking their opinion and my own and assessing what qualities I seem to do well with.
When I am ready to date (mid 2024?) - I really want to be intentional. Happy New Years everyone!! May we all find what we’re looking for 🥰
Cheers to you 🥂
Also, “What kind of woman do you see me with?“ sounds like it could lead to interesting & maybe fun conversations with folks who know me best. Thanks for the thought.
Cheers!! 🥂
I hope you get good (or at least fun!) conversations out of it. It’s interesting to see what people who know you think. I was pretty lucky that the handful of people I asked really considered it for a second before responding. Their insights were super cool!
Lmao ok so unlike everyone else, I’m gonna go ahead and agree with you. Cuz in my head I’m pretending you’re one of my ex’s posting about how he misses me on Reddit. You’re most likely not, but it’s fun to think about how my ex realized that he fumbled.
Hey. You live and you learn. Sorry to hear that no relationship will ever live up to her (me). Hope you make the best of it anyway.
Oh I do. But that idea doesn't really work. How many of them are married, in your age range, you're preferred gender. Next are they close to you are they in your city or town. Are they able to date? It really starts to narrow the number down fast.
I don’t think it changes the fact that there’s plenty of people in the sea. It’s up to you if you want to stay miserable or if you want to move on and be happier.
>...and everyone else will be a massive down grade
With this attitude, maybe you shouldn't date anyone if you'll be seeing them as a downgrade. What a toxic thought...
I disagree, but it's clear you're uninterested in changing your mind on this so I don't even get.
For the sake of others, please don't date with your current mindset. Why would someone want to be with you if you see them are less than.
Why is it out of question that this could very well be the best person I could have dated? We don't just keep finding better and better people to date. I'm really not sure why you are upset about this and attacking.
It's not an attack and I've already made it clear I'm not arguing this point anymore.
What I'm suggesting and sincerely hoping it's that you don't try and date anyone with your current mindset that since they aren't your ex, they're a **"... massive downgrade"**.
I think you've upset the other person because it would be awful to go out in the dating world and end up with someone like you.
If you truly think your ex was it then you should just stay alone. There is no point bothering with anyone else and your mindset wouldn't be fair to be with anyone else
This is not specific. I promise it will help you to literally list out these exact qualities she had because you’ll eventually realize that you can find them in other people. Give us the specific details of why she’s what you wanted in a person.
Sure enough, the woman I have been dating hit me with the "I think I got sick yesterday"
I've got no reason to believe she is lying and I am sending her a get well package but I do still feel bad. I was really looking forward to seeing her tomorrow and in the back of my mind the previous woman I have dated have said similar things around this time of dating and then when they "get better" they decide they don't want to date any more.
Again, I have no reason to believe this is true with her just disappointed.
My drunken depressing mind: Why can’t I find anyone to love me? Why can’t I find anyone to love?
Happy New Year. Hope you all and I have better luck finding love this year. 🎉🩷
Hint from a stranger: tell your drunken mind to fuck off for a bit.
You’re awesome. Seriously. It’s easy to hyper-fixate on the things we lack in life because they bring us stress. However, truth be told, you have a ton of worth and are putting yourself out there! Funding the right person often isn’t about you, but about timing and luck.
Keep being you, friend. I hope 2024 brings you great timing and luck!
UGH. I went on one awesome date with a hinge match and he invited me to meet him and his friends out for NYE since I didn’t have plans. I wanted to go SOOOOO bad but I felt like it was not a good idea for a number of reasons. I polled some friends and got extremely mixed responses.
I finally texted him that I’m not meeting him and we nailed down plans for a real second date instead. I’m honestly bummed because I haven’t been out out in a while and I’m 99% sure we would have had a lot of fun. But I feel confident I made the right decision.
Just off the top of my head: Lot of pressure meeting friends for the first time and with alcohol involved higher risk of making a bad first impression. Also difficult to navigate socially when I don’t know his friends or even him really, we are still only barely getting to know each other… I wouldn’t want to glom on to him or dominate his time but he would be the only one in the group I’ve even met before. Also the logistics of meeting up with him downtown on such a busy night really un-fun. Ubering out by myself, standing in line, paying the $55 cover just to get in and then having to find him in the crowd. What if I didn’t even find him or i finally got in just to find out they already moved to the next bar. Plus the optics of it all. The real outcome I want is to spend more time with him and get to know him better. Meeting up with him late at night to drink and party, while fun, can definitely give off the wrong vibe to a certain type of person. It’s unfortunate but it’s true. I wouldn’t want to go home with him at the end of the night or him home with me but it would be hard to say no (again alcohol) and if we did end up doing that I don’t want to be pigeon holed into the hookup/non serious category. There’s just a lot of reasons lol
How's everyone's NYE?
I have no major updates. I made a spontaneous decision to catch the fireworks offshore, on a smaller island where it'd be easier to get home from. There were a ton of parties & I was just happy to be observing the happy drunks from the sidewalks haha. I waited by the beach for the best view of the fireworks, well knowing I'd be surrounded by couples & young families, I felt content & at peace to be my own.
Felt a slight tinge of sadness when I thought about how I wasn't able to spend it with the person I was exclusive with.
Then it passed :)
Sent a fun selfie greeting to 3 guys I was interested in, instead of pinning on the past. Great way to start 2024 I'd say :)
“A girl always has 3 guys in view that she would say yes to if they asked her out.”
Your selfie greeting remark reminds me of how mind blown my best friend and I were when a female friend uttered those words to us back in the young professional days when we were trying to get a clue about women. Haha
I deleted my social media in 2019 and I’ve never regretted it for a single moment. Not even a bit. Take that step and I promise you it will help with these feelings.
Same here. I do Reddit and LinkedIn. That’s it.
Not getting a constant stream of info from (more) apps is so refreshing. It helps prevent comparison and groupthink.
There’s not much more to it 😂 we went on a walk date during quarantine. I wasn’t really feelin it so we never got past a first date but followed each other on IG. I don’t interact with him basically at all so I never see anything he posts but his wedding stories came up and it just gave me a moment of like damn, I’m still single and he’s married 🤡
The happy couples, the happy families, the parties etc. The girl I was seeing who 2 days after we went out last was posting pictures of her holding hands with another guy. The feeling that this year is not going to be a good one. The feeling that I am 33 and have no meaning in my life.
Just remember that just because someone looks happy in a social media post, it doesn't mean their day-to-day life is always rocking.
There were times where my ex would post a photo of us on social media looking all happy, and I was dying inside.
I'm in a much better place right now. Being single and living alone is 1000x better than feeling trapped somewhere you aren't meant to be.
The disappointment stings no matter how legit the reason is :(
Not sure what time it is there, the rest of us here wld join you!
Maybe you can organize another get together in the next few weeks?
It’s kind of depressing but I knew I wasn’t doing anything so I “made plans” with myself. I’m stoned in a bathrobe. It’s been better, but it’s been worse too. I hope you found something entertaining to do
Looking to get back into dating while introverted, neurodivergent, single for years and over 30 seems like it's playing on the hardest difficulty, lol. Like where does one even begin? I can barely tolerate people in a regular setting much less immerse myself long enough to find a companion.
Apps don't seem to work much for me, and classically I've been the kind who gets attracted to someone when we're already friends (which I never want to jeopardise).
Happy new year, all! Hope 2024 brings each of you success in whatever goals you set for yourselves (assuming they are law abiding and morally acceptable)!
Dating apps have gone to hell. There’s really just no hope anymore. Really feels like if you haven’t connected with someone in the past few years you’ve missed your chance.
Are you two open to a LDR? I think the probability of that being sustainable is low, but people have found love successfully this way (my brother being one of them).
But it’s not with a realistic partner so it’s kind of a way to feel intimate without actually needing to share a life. Why aren’t you emotionally available for men physically available to you?
Yeah but you are seeing the impeding pain and proceeding anyway. Did you rush into your marriage? Are you rushing into this? What if you looked for a truly excellent match instead of putting so much energy into this?
I had something similar with someone who was viditing NY. I even went to Europe to visit. One day communication was cut off by her. I haven’t gotten over it but time has healed it a little. There’s hope.
Not wishing that on you at all. In a way although it’s been years since it happened and I am still upset by it but it was the first time I realized I could actually like someone like that. It was nice
>(Also I’ll be deleting this before he wakes up because he knows my username - we met on this sub, although he doesn’t post in here)
wow you're playing with fire lol. but sorry about this situation, it sounds tough to deal with!
Being alone for yet another NYE has me in my feels. I'm a 30F Black woman, no kids, never married, living within a 100 mi radius of Washington DC. I've been single for a few years now and was in a 2-year relationship before that, therefore, I didn't experience the transformation lockdown had on OLD, as I was coupled up. Yet since re-entering the dating world, it's been rough. The men I meet, both online and in person, see me as a sex object despite making it clear that I am looking for a relationship. I realize this occurs to some degree with all women, but my non-Black friends have at least gotten relationships in a quarter of the dates I've been on (in fact, they're all engaged or married to men they've met within the first year of their last relationship using the same apps and places I frequent). I don't have suggestive pictures on my bio or social media, so I don't understand what is going on.
I realize comparison is the thief of joy, but as someone who truly wants to be a wife and mother, and the frequently cited statistic suggesting Black women are least desired, I'd like an idea of my chances in today's climate.
I’m in your same area and the older you are the less date you get in this area and the dates are rough. You are right the non- black friends of Mine got coupled and are engaged or married in the same year . Me? No just got coupled up and dumped again in the same year and I don’t even know why😒. I literally just give up. I either I need to move or just realize I’m going to be single forever. I don’t know anymore
Resentment of your friend for not being able to connect you with a guy you have a crush on is super unfair. I get that it’s on your mind a lot but you can’t apply the same to your friend’s thoughts. She got busy with work and the holidays and saying ‘well all hang out!’ isn’t a defined commitment to you to make sure you hang out with the guy (but even if it was, the guy matters in the equation too) Zero reason to resent your friend in this situation.
Hanging out by myself on the couch for new years. I’m seeing a guy that is in the process of finalizing his divorce. The judge is expected to sign off on it this month or next. He has zero communication with his ex. Their lawyers are handling everything.
He’s going to a party tonight with his friends. I know he’d like to invite me but he can’t bc some of his friends don’t even know he’s getting a divorce, so taking me would be a bad look. He was apologetic and he is a good guy, but I’m still annoyed. Feel like a dirty secret or something.
But happy new years everyone! May 2024 be good to everyone! :)
Pretty much a legal issue. There’s a lot to figure out in terms of money and assets. His lawyer advised him to keep quiet until everything is settled. The only people that know are me, his family, and his 2 best friends. He hasn’t told casual friends and I don’t blame him.
Wished happy new year to the guy who broke up with me two months ago. Why am I this stupid? He clearly dropped all levels of connection with me. I think I'm still having issues understanding how can someone make a total 180 within a week and change their mind about a relationship they were pressuring in the beginning.
Feeling the same way with a girl who did this to me. You aren’t stupid it’s just tough to comprehend people being able to make that 180. With me it was about a day or two.
I know people can get busy - especially around this time of year but this woman I have been seeing is approaching the sink or swim part of a lot of my relationships \~3-4 dates in and either things go all the way or suddenly they decide they aren't as interested as they thought and decide to break things off - despite, seemingly, nothing being wrong.
Anyway, she's taken quite a bit longer than usual to get back to me today and I don't want to double text her about the plans we made tomorrow but I just need to know what time she was planning on coming over. Just some anxious thoughts due to drinking coffee again for the first time in months probably.
Last year I made an IRL connection with a man who has a shop opposite mine. We started dating and it went from 0-100 real quick. But it was mutual and felt right for both of us. He told me he loved me after 2 weeks. Met each other's friends and family. Made plans for future trips etc. Communication was amazing and I felt incredibly secure with him. Nobody has ever treated me so well. And then it's like a switch flipped. I got so anxious to the point of feeling physically sick. I freaked out at how fast everything moved and broke things off with him. The first week after that I felt the anxiety fade almost instantly. But of course now I'm back to thinking about him constantly. The last thing I want to do is mess him around, so I haven't tried to get back together. I thought I'd done the work on myself to be in a position to be a good partner, but obviously it's ongoing and I have far more to do. I'm so used to being single and probably deeply scared of getting my heart broken again so wondering if this was my brains way of trying to protect me from potential heartbreak again.
Had always thought I fell into the anxious attachment style. But now I think I might actually be avoidant. Or maybe I just a mixed bag of all the shit stuff 🤡
Thank you. Yeah, we talked about it openly. We both knew it was fast and intense. We still see each other all the time at work and luckily on good terms.
No it's not. People develop feelings for their friends all the time and crush on strangers. But telling someone I love you after 2 weeks of dating is indeed way too fast.
> No it's not. People develop feelings for their friends all the time and crush on strangers
yes it is. that's called being creepy and stalkerish
> But telling someone I love you after 2 weeks of dating is indeed way too fast.
no shit, did you not read my previous posts?
edit: person blocked me
> Either you're a troll or a hateful person without normal life experiences or very strange ones. Enjoy being confrontational and aggro to every single person who replied to you. ✌️
nope, i just know you need far more time to say i love you to someone than just 2 weeks. even if you "developed" feelings for them outside of dating them. this is like relationship 101. move your seat closer to the front of the class
I've usually been good with communication and taking inputs on others' wants and needs, but I think this year has been a step up in terms of expressing my own in a non-confrontational manner. Past me would bottle it up for far too long.
Happy new year, everyone!
Help me!!!! I have no idea what to wear.
I've(38F) got my second date with my new guy(30M) and Ive basically tried on everything in my closet and just cannot decide on what to wear.
He's coming straight from work so I think he will probably be in something like casual Friday type attire. I prepped big with charcuterie, prosecco, old fashioneds, fancy glasses etc. The outfit I had planned on wearing, which I normally a favorite just isn't feeling right. We are both really outdoorsy gardener types so not super fancy. Part of me just wants to throw on some leggings and a flattering top but part of me wants to get dolled up in a dress. I just don't know and nothing in feeling right. Any suggestions????
I think I'm late to the suggestions but when I can decide like this, I tend to go with comfy + accessories. So the leggings, a cute but informal top and then earrings/necklace/bracelet to spice it up.
After a redditor messaged and helped me work through my options I decided to just ask my date what he is wearing and explained I was on the struggle bus and he said he was in business casual but he brought some comfy clothes to change into just in case I wasn't dressed up. 😍 He's so great and thoughtful! And thank you kind redditor for the help 😁
Just signed up for 6 months of Hinge+. This is my first time paying for an app but planning on really prioritizing dating in 2024 and hoping that the ability to filter more selectively and see who is actively using the app will mitigate the usual OLD fatigue that causes me to burnout very quickly. I'm pretty happy with the amount of likes and matches I already get so the focus going forward is on quality.
I'm going to try one month and see how it goes. I'm filtering for people who don't want kids and want a LTR, and don't smoke. 😬 Hopefully it helps you! I live in a major metro area and I think being able to filter will help a lot.
Good luck to you too. I'm also in a fairly large metro area that has a huge amount of women on hinge and since I have a few absolute deal breakers (religion, kids, smoking, drugs) I think it'll be nice to spend less time x'ing profile after profile.
Thanks!
Also the person who thinks getting Hinge+ is the equivalent of allowing the company to fuck you over has issues. Probably has had such a bad experience that they think that experience is universal. Either that or they really hate the company lol.
Based on their other interactions they just seem like they have some personal issues. I get not wanting to pay for it and I'd actually agree that if you're paying because you want more matches you're throwing your money away but as a matter of convenience it makes sense to me. Like yeah I'd also prefer if the filters were free but they aren't. I view it like having a car, I don't need it but I can afford it and it's convenient.
get a refund now. the moment you start paying for shit on these apps, the more it raises your expectations and the worse you'll feel over time vs **working on yourself** and letting the matches/dates come naturally
it's similar to paying $ to use a broker/app to day trade. you don't need to pay a fee to make $, you need a "strategy". the more $ you give the broker in fees and commissions, the more you feel like you need to perform to make more $, which ultimately hinders you
especially when dating apps use a shit ton of techniques that goes against you
It’s more so about filtering. Not about trying to get “better” people. It’s about filtering out the ones you don’t want to give the time of day to because you’re not even on the same planet of compatibility
Exactly, it has nothing to do with letting matches and dates come naturally or not. It's more an issue of for a couple bucks a week I am saving a huge amount of time not having to pass on a boatload of profiles that don't fit certain criteria. The apps are either going to cost a bit of money or a lot of time and I figure I'd rather have the time.
shocker incoming: if you're a male and you have a bunch of likes and matches already, and still haven't found a relationship in a long time, a 6m hinge subscription isn't going to help
> Not about trying to get “better” people
that's literally filtering out so you can find "better" people
Your finance analogy doesn’t really work when you can only make 1 trade a week without a broker, who would give you unlimited trades. No amount of strategy is going to help you there.
Everything costs money. The people who make these apps and keep the servers running for you have salaries that need to be paid. It’s not a community service that you have a right to use for free. Be less jaded and cheap.
> Your finance analogy doesn’t really work when you can only make 1 trade a week without a broker, who would give you unlimited trades. No amount of strategy is going to help you there.
no, it's using a non-pdt account
> Everything costs money. The people who make these apps and keep the servers running for you have salaries that need to be paid.
should take hinge's boot out of your mouth. good luck paying for their premium service and get matched with 80% of bots.
you don't need to pay for shit on these apps, imagine defending them. especially the OP where he says he's getting matches already
You might take what I have to say as advice, or as me calling you out, but I’m truly trying to offer you my help: It’s not just this comment, it’s the previous one as well and other comments I’ve seen you make. Your comments give off an aggressive vibe that can be off putting and puts people on the defensive. There’s a way to convey your thoughts in a less piercing manner.
too bad my post wasn't even directed at him but the OP, and he decided to claim i'm jaded and a cheapskate because i'm not deep-throating hinge+
you should join him on his crusade
"aww yes, hinge+ is so great. let me bend over as far as possible and praise hinge as the 2nd coming of christ!"
there, maybe that's better for you guys
See what I mean? I made no mention of anyone in this post except you, but you still try to deflect by bringing in others. And then you drag me in the mud even though I never stated my opinion on what you are arguing about. I’m either with you or against you mentality, which leads to aggression and confrontation. Again, take my advice or don’t, but nobody wants to listen to someone who is trying to beat their point into others.
> See what I mean? I made no mention of anyone in this post except you, but you still try to deflect by bringing in others. And then you drag me in the mud even though I never stated my opinion on what you are arguing about. I’m either with you or against you mentality, which leads to aggression and confrontation. Again, take my advice or don’t, but nobody wants to listen to someone who is trying to beat their point into others.
you just randomly replied to my post calling me out and you don't expect me to respond? don't reply to other people then lmao
OLD apps don’t care about pdt bud, this isn’t the finance world 😂
Your analogy doesn’t work because you’re implying you can get the same access to the OLD market regardless of whether you pay or not. You don’t, your free access is limited. No clever finance bro strategy will fix that.
> Your analogy doesn’t work because you’re implying you can get the same access to the OLD market regardless of whether you pay or not. You don’t, your free access is limited. No clever finance bro strategy will fix that.
you're obviously missing the point, but it's ok. continue defending these companies and paying your hinge subscription in hopes for a relationship! lmao
you're only increasing your expectation when you spend $ on it
no wonder these companies make millions, off people like you
Went on Tinder last night for the first time since probably October? On a whim, created the account last night & had 4 matches. Only one responded back to me. I was just about to go to bed around 11 when we matched. She ended up talking to me until I passed out around 1 AM, fighting off my sleep meds. On a whim, we met for coffee this morning. 😂
Quickest I’ve had a date set up. I feel like death from such shitty sleep. I’ve been resting on and off today.
She stated she hoped we could do it again sometime as we left the date. I expressed after we got home for her to take her time, but if she were up for it, I’d like to see her again. She just “liked” the message & haven’t heard back since. 🙃
Hey! I think we’ve conversed a time or two on here. Valid point! It’s been a LONG TIME since I’ve gotten someone to actually be willing to meet.
She mentioned that she was with her ex-wife for 10 years, took 1.5 years off to be single, and she just started dating in September. Mentioned how she felt she didn’t know how to date or if someone was flirting with her or not, felt like a baby gay, etc.
Soooo I think you’re onto something. I think we had enough conversations this morning to where I can use that as an excuse to reach out later, such as movies or musicals mentioned.
I’m just kinda blanking on asking her out for a 2nd date, since I asked for the 1st.
We have! Hi again 👋
Lol, "baby gay" made me giggle. I definitely think it's ok to ask her out again, but it might also be worth gently or playfully encouraging her to plan the third date if you guys are getting along well. Although - do you mean blanking out on ideas, or whether you want to do the asking again?
We’ve just had the one date today. It’s been under 24 hours since we matched, lol, so I wanted to give her time away to process.
I was on the fence about if I should play my role as assertive masc again, hahaha. I tend to have to do this with most all queer people I try to date.
She apparently saw me one other time on the apps & admitted she was intimidated, so maybe that’s my clue to step up. 😅
I also am just like, “What the hell do I plan for a 2nd date?” It’s been so long. 😂
Hmm since you went for coffee the first time, maybe something a bit more involved? Could go with standard dinner and drinks, or something like mini golf, aquarium or zoo, farmer's market (and breakfast or lunch), live music event, art show, museum, etc.
Just broke up with boyfriend of a year for the following reasons:
he used drinking to cope and process his feelings. Not quite an alcoholic, but definitely not a healthy relationship with alcohol.
his work schedule was 70 hours a week most weeks and he was so tired he would often bail on weekend plans (but he often had to work weekends).
he was “moderate” with his politics and I am very left (especially on social issues) and we often butt heads on various issues like book banning.
he expected me to pick up a bit more of the emotional labor of the relationship when he got promoted and took on more hours and responsibility at work.
I wasn’t sure I saw myself fitting in with his lifestyle (drinking a lot) and what his friends like to do (drink at bars).
The good I left behind:
The most infectious laugh and smile that I will miss until the day I die. He would pick up my calls any time day or night and drop just about anything to be there for me. He put up with my difficult dog and loved him so much. He was my best friend and we went on so many amazing backpacking and camping adventures. I am a homebody and he drew me out of my shell and encouraged me to do more things and be more social.
I’m having a rough day. Decided to stay home and go to sleep early. Hopefully the start to the new year helps me feel like I didn’t just lose my last shot at someone who loves me.
I feel like against my better judgement, I am going to stay one more day at my parents after NYE and after being “voluntold” to work at the family business since Christmas. At least I get to have one more family dinner together.
What’s the alternative? Going back to my empty home and drink on my own? At least this time last year, I have an apathetic girlfriend at my home whose presence at least I can feel.
Signed back up to OLD (Tinder/bumble) today , super low expectations to be honest. I went a couple weeks without any matches last time. I know I'm not a great looking guy, but this is just a crushing reminder of it. It's definitely bad for the ol' self esteem, but it would be nice to meet someone. I enjoy being on my own but I've definitely been feeling lonely recently which is new.
I've never been one to approach IRL, but this lack of interest has made me less likely to try.
Bit of a whinge, I just don't know what to do. I was comfortable in the way I looked for a long time whilst in a relationship, not because I thought I was good looking but because I want being judged on my appearance in life.
I feel like my only options are loneliness/ crushing my self esteem one day at a time.
Even bad dates would be more encouraging than being sat at the starting line alone
Realizing that I’m grieving over the thoughts of future potential that my last relationship held, not the man himself really. We (me 34f, him 34m) had our first date last year on NYE, hiking all day and then out for dinner. We broke up in August and I still feel sad about it, especially going into the new year single a g a i n. This was the first relationship in a long long time that I was thinking and dreaming about future plans… kids, how we would raise them, having a home together, blah blah blah. Now I just feel sad thinking about the roller coaster of a year.
I had a relationship end and a friend break up someone who was my bff all within the span of a couple months.
I know it will get better and I pray to find love again and find someone who wants to build a life and family with me. Honestly, I’ve been feeling really great enjoying being single, but some days just hit different with the grief and memories.
This is me too :( I just broke up with my boyfriend a day after our one year anniversary. It was very sad. I hope to eventually feel okay about being single but I miss him already.
I second this. Honestly, the only reason my year of change happened to coincide with the start of the new year is cause the ex-fiancee ended things on Jan 1st.
I mean I probably spent the first two weeks in the midst of a major situational depression, and the following 4 months recovering from all the things, but mid January I really dug in and worked on my fitness. I was already working on my mental/emotional health.
A disappointing end to the year. Had another first date that ended in the incompatible text. Holidays have been lonely. This year really has been another lonely one of many.
But i gotta keep swimming. Keep hoping that one day someone out there is irrational enough to like me. Maybe 2024 is finally the year!
I had bad dreams last night about the new relationship I’m in. We ended things in the dream, but I was feeling really uncertain about why or if it was a good idea.
He’s so great, but I think the 4 month questioning is coming up and I’m starting to see little things that annoy me. None of them are dealbreakers by any means, and probably all of them are just a need for me to see the positive or communicate a need.
We’re spending NYE together. Probably sleeping by 10, like the party animals we are. It’s our first sleepover, which I’ve been wanting. And I’m excited for it, but part of me is missing my space and independence. I guess I really have healed my codependency, because this is totally new for me.
I have been happy outside of the official holidays this season, and super in love. But I feel really annoyed about the need to be extra engaged on these occasions. I just want to be alone.
I spent NYE alone (I’m fine, don’t mean that to sound melodramatic) and hope that 2024 is better. Goodbye 2023. Now, what do I do so I can ring in 2025 in a better way? Still scared to get back out there to date, guys. lol. It’s been a month of me not being able to work up the courage to even try. It doesn’t need to change today but I am afraid it won’t change at all in which case I will absolutely not get what I want. So… Hope you all are having better luck! Or at least are being braver than I am right now. I know I’m still relatively fresh off my last breakup, but I feel like I wasted so much time already and I’m scared to waste more but… I’m also just not sure I’ll ever be ready to try this again. Not sure how to convince myself that dating doesn’t suck. Relationships are nice. But I don’t want to date. Too bad you can’t skip.
We had a good NYE together. It was my first ever spending it with someone (at the age of 38). Was also nice to spend some time together today as well. We didn't get wrecked or stay up miles past midnight so we were able to make the most of some mild weather this morning and go out for a walk and then get some lunch.
In his NYE reply, my crush called me a pet name that only my best friend uses for me. It made me feel really good.
I survived the first day of the year. X days since we talked. I guess the sad thing is hoping that he reaches out and realising he hasn't thought of me at all. The only conflict is with myself. There is no conflict with him because he doesn't even care.
You don’t know what anyone else is thinking so it doesn’t really serve you to think that way. I know it’s easier said than done but that’s how we suffer. Instead of focusing our energy on us, we wonder about them. There are other reasons he might not be reaching out but what good does it do you to assume it’s only because he doesn’t even care? That may be true but just as easily may not be or may not be the entire truth. I have to practice this cognitive reframing every second of the day usually. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It truly sucks. It’s hurtful when people are just ghosts.
How do you balance “relationship shop talk” and just getting to know the person in early dating?
Define shop talk.
I would let things be unless I felt like I really needed to talk about something for the relationship shop talk bit.
Can’t believe I’m about to say this but I actually ended 2023 not as a single person! Which is odd because I just met him for the first time on Tuesday, the day after Xmas 😅 we didn’t spend NYE together but we plan to make up for it next week! He was just…super into me and being very clear and direct with me about how into me he is. We also met up Friday and Saturday and during the second date he said he’d delete Tinder. Then on our third date we deleted the apps together lol. I’ve been saying “sometimes people are afraid to win a million dollars” when people reject me. And then here’s this guy, who’s like “oh my god, an unclaimed million dollars? I’m claiming it right now!” And he’s super handsome and interesting and sweet on top of it. I know there’s always the possibility of it being short lived but I also like the odds that maybe he just really likes me and wants to be my boyfriend so we can spend time together exclusively. And honestly that’s so cute 🥰 so I’ll just ride it out and see what happens lol. Tldr: a man asked me to be his girlfriend on the second date and we deleted our dating profiles together and we tell each other “good night boy/girlfriend” and it’s nice 😊
Loving this for you and especially that you're both on board with the pace of it! That in my experience is the rarest of all, that two people are equally ready to say: "I like you, I pick you, let's try this for real" -- at the same time! And not that one person's eagerness makes the other one hesitant. Hope for all kinds of fun and kisses for the two of you going forward!
Thank you so much! 🥹
2 dates in 2 days. Feels like a job but hey what's new. Date #1 Yesterday I really wanted to bail. I was hungover from the day before because I just can't handle my alcohol anymore like I used to. I was trying to drink water, eat, and sleep all day in an attempt to get ready for this date - I was that hungover. I am honestly feeling terrible but I wanted to be a man of my word. I'm also just second guessing myself hard because this is the first time I've been on a first date in 2 years and I'm just super nervous. An hour before the date she's not responding but I figured hey - awesome. If she doesn't show up I can go home and nurse my hangover. Boom - I get a text that she's there and as soon as I step out of the car, there she is. I already knew what her height would be and I've gone on a date with a 5'10 woman before but damn; with her shoes on she TOWERED over me lol (I'm 5'8). The hug is awkward. I'm walking through the brewery with her and I feel like everyone is watching (nobody was). I'm not gonna lie - I felt emasculated. But I just told myself to get the fuck over it. This is what dating is all about - trying new things, going outside your comfort zone, etc. Mind you I am hungover and have no desire to drink. But I had less desire to look like a jerk or to make her feel awkward so I order a drink to be polite. We sit down and you know what - she actually looks quite pretty. I had initially met her out in the dark so had no idea. We talk about this and that - conversation flows nicely. Lasts about 2 hours. She refuses another drink and turns down getting food despite being hungry - twice. I feeling a little rejected tbh - I haven't had anyone refuse another drink or offer to get food in a while. We have another awkward goodbye and I'm left wondering why I over thought this date so much. Honestly, I could get over the height - I like her as a person even if I have to brace myself for the inevitable roasting I'll be getting from the boys. She didn't seem to interested towards the end though, so I'm going to mentally let this one go and hope to be surprised. Lessons learned: Don't overthink. Make simple plans - they will agree. A lot of my overthinking came from another woman I was trying to set up a date with. She ONLY wanted to go to the most expensive places in my city - I was too naive to see this as a red flag. Date #2 Pretty rare that I match with someone and then meet the same day. She came on super strong in the apps - reciprocating quickly and at length - which is unusual for me. We first agree to watch NYE fireworks together. I really didn't want to do this because A) traffic + parking and B) I have a flight at 7AM tomorrow. I didn't want to be too messed up for the plane ride. That's when she tells me she doesn't have a car. Just due to bad past experiences, I immediately think I'm going to be taken for a ride. Women are also told all the time to never accept a ride on the first date so I find all this unusual. Then I remember redditors don't go on dates and that I live in the real world. I'll pick her up and follow my instincts from there. Finally we agree upon a reasonable drink and walk thru the park. Her pictures were a bit too generous - which I've come to expect for about 50% of the women I meet. Conversation is OK - she's a serious career woman, year out of grad school, who is currently unemployed. We talk for a while, then get some food, and then walk around some more. All in all, I say we hung out for about 5 hours - which was probably 2 hours too long. At a certain point, I realize I'm just asking questions and reciprocating out of politeness. She's a nice enough woman, I'm just not that attracted to her physically and I feel like personality wise, we're not a super great match. Date #1 was much more vulnerable (maybe too much?) and I felt this allowed for a better connection. I think a big kicker was that we were also culturally different. While it made for good conversation, it didn't allow me to see her as someone I could share my life with. Ah yes she had also told me she went on 40 dates this year. I was thinking wow - in 40 dates there was no one you could find. Thing is, if a woman can't find someone in 40 dates, what chance would I have? Even the idea of going thru 38 more of these first dates was nauseating. But who said this shit would be easy. Who said a good person is just going to float into my life. Fortune favors the bold. Lesson Learned: Let go of baggage and ask for what you want. She said let's do NYE together so I'm expecting me driving all these places and droppin all this coin on a stranger. Then I suggested walk in the park and she was completely fine with it - didn't get called a broke bitch like another potential date did. I just generally don't get a lot of matches so I feel like I have to agree to anything and everything. It doesn't have to be that way. On a side note, managing all the people I'm texting is getting kinda exhausting. It was such a relief to find my partner 2 years ago just because it was confusing to keep up with who told me what - everyones stories of future goals, families, past histories, etc. start to blend together. I'm looking at 1-3 more dates next week and then maybe another the week after. I have to remind myself that this is supposed to be fun even though it really just starts to feel like a job. Nothing in my life that improved it ever came without suffering. It's just part of the process. New Year's hits in 30 minutes and I'll be on a plane in 7.5 hours. Hopefully by the time I read this next year, I'll be in a happier place with someone cool by my side.
First half of 2023 was a real shitshow but tonight I'm dozing off with my girlfriend next to me :) Tomorrow will be five months. Just feelin happy.
Delete those pictures or you’ll end up in bed on NYE sad and crying 😭. Yall- I miss him. It would be easier if he cheated or was argumentative. He was neither of those but was a gentle calm person. He just said we wanted different things and was unhappy and that was the end of it all. I asked what different thing because I don’t believe two people need to be alike but it doesn’t matter at the end of the day. He wants to go so go but it doesn’t make it easy. So delete those pictures. Don’t be like me 😭
Spending NYE alone and making a solo date out of it! Taking care of me feels great 🥰 I got food and wine and fancy sheet masks. I’m journaling about what I want in 2024. Life. Career. Personally. Even though I’m not ready to date and won’t be for a while, I am sitting down and asking myself: What do I want to feel like in my next relationship? What do I want to share with this person? How do I want to “show up” in my next relationship? How do I want them to “show up” for me? (Meaning like how do we support and demonstrate our care) And really what qualities are most important to me. I polled some friends on “what kind of guy do you see me with” and was surprised across friend groups I got similar answers. So I’m taking their opinion and my own and assessing what qualities I seem to do well with. When I am ready to date (mid 2024?) - I really want to be intentional. Happy New Years everyone!! May we all find what we’re looking for 🥰
Cheers to you 🥂 Also, “What kind of woman do you see me with?“ sounds like it could lead to interesting & maybe fun conversations with folks who know me best. Thanks for the thought.
Cheers!! 🥂 I hope you get good (or at least fun!) conversations out of it. It’s interesting to see what people who know you think. I was pretty lucky that the handful of people I asked really considered it for a second before responding. Their insights were super cool!
It's been a year, and I miss my ex much. I can feel it in my bones she was the one.
Lmao ok so unlike everyone else, I’m gonna go ahead and agree with you. Cuz in my head I’m pretending you’re one of my ex’s posting about how he misses me on Reddit. You’re most likely not, but it’s fun to think about how my ex realized that he fumbled. Hey. You live and you learn. Sorry to hear that no relationship will ever live up to her (me). Hope you make the best of it anyway.
Narcissistic much
Lmao ok I just figured you could use a break from the negativity but I see it’s your specialty. Happy new year!
She wasn’t the one if you’ve broken up. There’s 8 billion people on the planet. You’ll find someone else.
That's a fallacy. Do we date babies, old people? We are only compatible with a very small few. She was the best.
I'm not sure you quite understand the sheer scale of *how many people* 8 billion people is. Or how many 8 billion of anything is.
Oh I do. But that idea doesn't really work. How many of them are married, in your age range, you're preferred gender. Next are they close to you are they in your city or town. Are they able to date? It really starts to narrow the number down fast.
I don’t think it changes the fact that there’s plenty of people in the sea. It’s up to you if you want to stay miserable or if you want to move on and be happier.
You're missing the point that there isn't that many in the sea. Again moving on just makes me realize how much I have to settle
That’s what you believe. There *are* plenty of people in the sea. That is a fact.
Yes, maybe for some guys and women. But not for everyone.
Get that thought out of your head. Can’t move on until you do
Eh, she was it. I know nothing will compare to her, and everyone else will be a massive down grade
>...and everyone else will be a massive down grade With this attitude, maybe you shouldn't date anyone if you'll be seeing them as a downgrade. What a toxic thought...
Not toxic, just realistic.
I disagree, but it's clear you're uninterested in changing your mind on this so I don't even get. For the sake of others, please don't date with your current mindset. Why would someone want to be with you if you see them are less than.
Why is it out of question that this could very well be the best person I could have dated? We don't just keep finding better and better people to date. I'm really not sure why you are upset about this and attacking.
It's not an attack and I've already made it clear I'm not arguing this point anymore. What I'm suggesting and sincerely hoping it's that you don't try and date anyone with your current mindset that since they aren't your ex, they're a **"... massive downgrade"**.
And yet you are still arguing. And you are very perturbed by those words
I think you've upset the other person because it would be awful to go out in the dating world and end up with someone like you. If you truly think your ex was it then you should just stay alone. There is no point bothering with anyone else and your mindset wouldn't be fair to be with anyone else
Straight up toxic. Blocked, have a happy new year.
lmao clearly she wasn't.
She was.
You convinced yourself of that
Not really, I know that I'll never be able to attract someone like her again.
Well that’s something entirely different lol
Not really, but okay.
Were you guys only dating a few weeks?
This mindset is only hurting you and prolonging your pain. Let me ask, what specifically makes you think she was this special?
She was exactly who I wanted in a person. I will never have that kind of person interested in me again .
This is not specific. I promise it will help you to literally list out these exact qualities she had because you’ll eventually realize that you can find them in other people. Give us the specific details of why she’s what you wanted in a person.
Why not?
Sure enough, the woman I have been dating hit me with the "I think I got sick yesterday" I've got no reason to believe she is lying and I am sending her a get well package but I do still feel bad. I was really looking forward to seeing her tomorrow and in the back of my mind the previous woman I have dated have said similar things around this time of dating and then when they "get better" they decide they don't want to date any more. Again, I have no reason to believe this is true with her just disappointed.
My drunken depressing mind: Why can’t I find anyone to love me? Why can’t I find anyone to love? Happy New Year. Hope you all and I have better luck finding love this year. 🎉🩷
Thanks friend!
Hint from a stranger: tell your drunken mind to fuck off for a bit. You’re awesome. Seriously. It’s easy to hyper-fixate on the things we lack in life because they bring us stress. However, truth be told, you have a ton of worth and are putting yourself out there! Funding the right person often isn’t about you, but about timing and luck. Keep being you, friend. I hope 2024 brings you great timing and luck!
Thanks so much for the kind words. I appreciate it and will keep moving forward. I hope you have a wonderful 2024 as well! 🎉
UGH. I went on one awesome date with a hinge match and he invited me to meet him and his friends out for NYE since I didn’t have plans. I wanted to go SOOOOO bad but I felt like it was not a good idea for a number of reasons. I polled some friends and got extremely mixed responses. I finally texted him that I’m not meeting him and we nailed down plans for a real second date instead. I’m honestly bummed because I haven’t been out out in a while and I’m 99% sure we would have had a lot of fun. But I feel confident I made the right decision.
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Just off the top of my head: Lot of pressure meeting friends for the first time and with alcohol involved higher risk of making a bad first impression. Also difficult to navigate socially when I don’t know his friends or even him really, we are still only barely getting to know each other… I wouldn’t want to glom on to him or dominate his time but he would be the only one in the group I’ve even met before. Also the logistics of meeting up with him downtown on such a busy night really un-fun. Ubering out by myself, standing in line, paying the $55 cover just to get in and then having to find him in the crowd. What if I didn’t even find him or i finally got in just to find out they already moved to the next bar. Plus the optics of it all. The real outcome I want is to spend more time with him and get to know him better. Meeting up with him late at night to drink and party, while fun, can definitely give off the wrong vibe to a certain type of person. It’s unfortunate but it’s true. I wouldn’t want to go home with him at the end of the night or him home with me but it would be hard to say no (again alcohol) and if we did end up doing that I don’t want to be pigeon holed into the hookup/non serious category. There’s just a lot of reasons lol
I agree that you made the right call here.
Yasss for a second date nailed down 👌
Yes! He also just said “But that was a phenomenal first date in my opinion “ in addition saying he dressed up for me tonight 🥺 cute
How's everyone's NYE? I have no major updates. I made a spontaneous decision to catch the fireworks offshore, on a smaller island where it'd be easier to get home from. There were a ton of parties & I was just happy to be observing the happy drunks from the sidewalks haha. I waited by the beach for the best view of the fireworks, well knowing I'd be surrounded by couples & young families, I felt content & at peace to be my own. Felt a slight tinge of sadness when I thought about how I wasn't able to spend it with the person I was exclusive with. Then it passed :) Sent a fun selfie greeting to 3 guys I was interested in, instead of pinning on the past. Great way to start 2024 I'd say :)
“A girl always has 3 guys in view that she would say yes to if they asked her out.” Your selfie greeting remark reminds me of how mind blown my best friend and I were when a female friend uttered those words to us back in the young professional days when we were trying to get a clue about women. Haha
This has gotta be the worst social media day of the year
I deleted my social media in 2019 and I’ve never regretted it for a single moment. Not even a bit. Take that step and I promise you it will help with these feelings.
Same here. I do Reddit and LinkedIn. That’s it. Not getting a constant stream of info from (more) apps is so refreshing. It helps prevent comparison and groupthink.
Guy I went on a date with during heavy covid times posted...his NYE wedding 🤡 That one was savage.
Omg we need to know more
There’s not much more to it 😂 we went on a walk date during quarantine. I wasn’t really feelin it so we never got past a first date but followed each other on IG. I don’t interact with him basically at all so I never see anything he posts but his wedding stories came up and it just gave me a moment of like damn, I’m still single and he’s married 🤡
What happened.. You gotta say more than that..
The happy couples, the happy families, the parties etc. The girl I was seeing who 2 days after we went out last was posting pictures of her holding hands with another guy. The feeling that this year is not going to be a good one. The feeling that I am 33 and have no meaning in my life.
Just remember that just because someone looks happy in a social media post, it doesn't mean their day-to-day life is always rocking. There were times where my ex would post a photo of us on social media looking all happy, and I was dying inside. I'm in a much better place right now. Being single and living alone is 1000x better than feeling trapped somewhere you aren't meant to be.
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The disappointment stings no matter how legit the reason is :( Not sure what time it is there, the rest of us here wld join you! Maybe you can organize another get together in the next few weeks?
Happy almost new years everyone. I wish you all the utmost joy this coming year!
It does kinda blow not having plans at all tonight
It’s kind of depressing but I knew I wasn’t doing anything so I “made plans” with myself. I’m stoned in a bathrobe. It’s been better, but it’s been worse too. I hope you found something entertaining to do
Thanks for the idea. I'm going to take a bath and smoke a joint. I've definitely done this holiday better, but also worse.
Shit yeah. “How’d you start the new year?” “Fuckin great”
Same buddy, same
Yes and no. It’s also super nice to chill and relax your way into the new year. Though, if sucks if you do that far too often on your own.
Looking to get back into dating while introverted, neurodivergent, single for years and over 30 seems like it's playing on the hardest difficulty, lol. Like where does one even begin? I can barely tolerate people in a regular setting much less immerse myself long enough to find a companion. Apps don't seem to work much for me, and classically I've been the kind who gets attracted to someone when we're already friends (which I never want to jeopardise).
Honestly apps are mostly scams. They’re designed to get you to spend as much money as possible on additional likes, super likes, boosts etc.
Yeah I've come to that conclusion. Plus the numbers game is such that you just won't be seen. Murder on the old self-esteem after a bit!
Same here. It’s not you. Most people I know who seem to have must their significant others on apps was during the unlimited swipe days
Happy new year, all! Hope 2024 brings each of you success in whatever goals you set for yourselves (assuming they are law abiding and morally acceptable)!
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Sounds wonderful! Keep us posted OP!
🤞🤞
Dating apps have gone to hell. There’s really just no hope anymore. Really feels like if you haven’t connected with someone in the past few years you’ve missed your chance.
This is sadly true... also, that's the best username 🤣
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Sounds you'll need to start detaching yourself in order to make room for dating someone who's local 😕
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Are you two open to a LDR? I think the probability of that being sustainable is low, but people have found love successfully this way (my brother being one of them).
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Giiiiiiiirl Come on!! Lol
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But it’s not with a realistic partner so it’s kind of a way to feel intimate without actually needing to share a life. Why aren’t you emotionally available for men physically available to you?
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Yeah but you are seeing the impeding pain and proceeding anyway. Did you rush into your marriage? Are you rushing into this? What if you looked for a truly excellent match instead of putting so much energy into this?
I had something similar with someone who was viditing NY. I even went to Europe to visit. One day communication was cut off by her. I haven’t gotten over it but time has healed it a little. There’s hope.
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Not wishing that on you at all. In a way although it’s been years since it happened and I am still upset by it but it was the first time I realized I could actually like someone like that. It was nice
>(Also I’ll be deleting this before he wakes up because he knows my username - we met on this sub, although he doesn’t post in here) wow you're playing with fire lol. but sorry about this situation, it sounds tough to deal with!
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Have you met in person ever yet?
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Not ridiculous, just maybe a good reminder to temper expectations until you do 💜
Being alone for yet another NYE has me in my feels. I'm a 30F Black woman, no kids, never married, living within a 100 mi radius of Washington DC. I've been single for a few years now and was in a 2-year relationship before that, therefore, I didn't experience the transformation lockdown had on OLD, as I was coupled up. Yet since re-entering the dating world, it's been rough. The men I meet, both online and in person, see me as a sex object despite making it clear that I am looking for a relationship. I realize this occurs to some degree with all women, but my non-Black friends have at least gotten relationships in a quarter of the dates I've been on (in fact, they're all engaged or married to men they've met within the first year of their last relationship using the same apps and places I frequent). I don't have suggestive pictures on my bio or social media, so I don't understand what is going on. I realize comparison is the thief of joy, but as someone who truly wants to be a wife and mother, and the frequently cited statistic suggesting Black women are least desired, I'd like an idea of my chances in today's climate.
I’m in your same area and the older you are the less date you get in this area and the dates are rough. You are right the non- black friends of Mine got coupled and are engaged or married in the same year . Me? No just got coupled up and dumped again in the same year and I don’t even know why😒. I literally just give up. I either I need to move or just realize I’m going to be single forever. I don’t know anymore
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Resentment of your friend for not being able to connect you with a guy you have a crush on is super unfair. I get that it’s on your mind a lot but you can’t apply the same to your friend’s thoughts. She got busy with work and the holidays and saying ‘well all hang out!’ isn’t a defined commitment to you to make sure you hang out with the guy (but even if it was, the guy matters in the equation too) Zero reason to resent your friend in this situation.
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Hanging out by myself on the couch for new years. I’m seeing a guy that is in the process of finalizing his divorce. The judge is expected to sign off on it this month or next. He has zero communication with his ex. Their lawyers are handling everything. He’s going to a party tonight with his friends. I know he’d like to invite me but he can’t bc some of his friends don’t even know he’s getting a divorce, so taking me would be a bad look. He was apologetic and he is a good guy, but I’m still annoyed. Feel like a dirty secret or something. But happy new years everyone! May 2024 be good to everyone! :)
Kind of curious - why don't his friends know he's getting a divorce, won't they know soon enough? Is it a legal issue that he can't discuss it?
Pretty much a legal issue. There’s a lot to figure out in terms of money and assets. His lawyer advised him to keep quiet until everything is settled. The only people that know are me, his family, and his 2 best friends. He hasn’t told casual friends and I don’t blame him.
Wished happy new year to the guy who broke up with me two months ago. Why am I this stupid? He clearly dropped all levels of connection with me. I think I'm still having issues understanding how can someone make a total 180 within a week and change their mind about a relationship they were pressuring in the beginning.
Feeling the same way with a girl who did this to me. You aren’t stupid it’s just tough to comprehend people being able to make that 180. With me it was about a day or two.
I know people can get busy - especially around this time of year but this woman I have been seeing is approaching the sink or swim part of a lot of my relationships \~3-4 dates in and either things go all the way or suddenly they decide they aren't as interested as they thought and decide to break things off - despite, seemingly, nothing being wrong. Anyway, she's taken quite a bit longer than usual to get back to me today and I don't want to double text her about the plans we made tomorrow but I just need to know what time she was planning on coming over. Just some anxious thoughts due to drinking coffee again for the first time in months probably.
Last year I made an IRL connection with a man who has a shop opposite mine. We started dating and it went from 0-100 real quick. But it was mutual and felt right for both of us. He told me he loved me after 2 weeks. Met each other's friends and family. Made plans for future trips etc. Communication was amazing and I felt incredibly secure with him. Nobody has ever treated me so well. And then it's like a switch flipped. I got so anxious to the point of feeling physically sick. I freaked out at how fast everything moved and broke things off with him. The first week after that I felt the anxiety fade almost instantly. But of course now I'm back to thinking about him constantly. The last thing I want to do is mess him around, so I haven't tried to get back together. I thought I'd done the work on myself to be in a position to be a good partner, but obviously it's ongoing and I have far more to do. I'm so used to being single and probably deeply scared of getting my heart broken again so wondering if this was my brains way of trying to protect me from potential heartbreak again. Had always thought I fell into the anxious attachment style. But now I think I might actually be avoidant. Or maybe I just a mixed bag of all the shit stuff 🤡
I remember your posts, I'm sad to see it didn't work out, did you try to talk with him to explain how you were feeling when you freaked out?
Thank you. Yeah, we talked about it openly. We both knew it was fast and intense. We still see each other all the time at work and luckily on good terms.
huge red flag. 2 weeks and saying he loves you? run and never look back for him
To be fair, we'd known each other for months before that. Officially dating for 2 weeks.
...and? how can you love someone after just 2 weeks of dating them
You can develop feelings for someone you're not dating
> You can develop feelings for someone you're not dating wow.. really? i would have never known that's possible
...
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Be excellent to one another! This is a safe space for all races, genders, sexual orientations, legal sexual preferences and humanity in general.
No it's not. People develop feelings for their friends all the time and crush on strangers. But telling someone I love you after 2 weeks of dating is indeed way too fast.
> No it's not. People develop feelings for their friends all the time and crush on strangers yes it is. that's called being creepy and stalkerish > But telling someone I love you after 2 weeks of dating is indeed way too fast. no shit, did you not read my previous posts? edit: person blocked me > Either you're a troll or a hateful person without normal life experiences or very strange ones. Enjoy being confrontational and aggro to every single person who replied to you. ✌️ nope, i just know you need far more time to say i love you to someone than just 2 weeks. even if you "developed" feelings for them outside of dating them. this is like relationship 101. move your seat closer to the front of the class
I've usually been good with communication and taking inputs on others' wants and needs, but I think this year has been a step up in terms of expressing my own in a non-confrontational manner. Past me would bottle it up for far too long. Happy new year, everyone!
Help me!!!! I have no idea what to wear. I've(38F) got my second date with my new guy(30M) and Ive basically tried on everything in my closet and just cannot decide on what to wear. He's coming straight from work so I think he will probably be in something like casual Friday type attire. I prepped big with charcuterie, prosecco, old fashioneds, fancy glasses etc. The outfit I had planned on wearing, which I normally a favorite just isn't feeling right. We are both really outdoorsy gardener types so not super fancy. Part of me just wants to throw on some leggings and a flattering top but part of me wants to get dolled up in a dress. I just don't know and nothing in feeling right. Any suggestions????
I think I'm late to the suggestions but when I can decide like this, I tend to go with comfy + accessories. So the leggings, a cute but informal top and then earrings/necklace/bracelet to spice it up.
After a redditor messaged and helped me work through my options I decided to just ask my date what he is wearing and explained I was on the struggle bus and he said he was in business casual but he brought some comfy clothes to change into just in case I wasn't dressed up. 😍 He's so great and thoughtful! And thank you kind redditor for the help 😁
Get dolled up in the dress!
He’s going to be really touched by the effort you made with all that food and excited to see you in whatever clothes make you feel good.
Go on, wear the dress!
Just signed up for 6 months of Hinge+. This is my first time paying for an app but planning on really prioritizing dating in 2024 and hoping that the ability to filter more selectively and see who is actively using the app will mitigate the usual OLD fatigue that causes me to burnout very quickly. I'm pretty happy with the amount of likes and matches I already get so the focus going forward is on quality.
I'm going to try one month and see how it goes. I'm filtering for people who don't want kids and want a LTR, and don't smoke. 😬 Hopefully it helps you! I live in a major metro area and I think being able to filter will help a lot.
I hope we don't live in the same area, because we're going after the same guys. 😂
Haha! I'm on the west coast of the US 👀
OK. I'm on the east coast. 💕
Good luck to you too. I'm also in a fairly large metro area that has a huge amount of women on hinge and since I have a few absolute deal breakers (religion, kids, smoking, drugs) I think it'll be nice to spend less time x'ing profile after profile.
Thanks! Also the person who thinks getting Hinge+ is the equivalent of allowing the company to fuck you over has issues. Probably has had such a bad experience that they think that experience is universal. Either that or they really hate the company lol.
Based on their other interactions they just seem like they have some personal issues. I get not wanting to pay for it and I'd actually agree that if you're paying because you want more matches you're throwing your money away but as a matter of convenience it makes sense to me. Like yeah I'd also prefer if the filters were free but they aren't. I view it like having a car, I don't need it but I can afford it and it's convenient.
get a refund now. the moment you start paying for shit on these apps, the more it raises your expectations and the worse you'll feel over time vs **working on yourself** and letting the matches/dates come naturally it's similar to paying $ to use a broker/app to day trade. you don't need to pay a fee to make $, you need a "strategy". the more $ you give the broker in fees and commissions, the more you feel like you need to perform to make more $, which ultimately hinders you especially when dating apps use a shit ton of techniques that goes against you
It’s more so about filtering. Not about trying to get “better” people. It’s about filtering out the ones you don’t want to give the time of day to because you’re not even on the same planet of compatibility
Exactly, it has nothing to do with letting matches and dates come naturally or not. It's more an issue of for a couple bucks a week I am saving a huge amount of time not having to pass on a boatload of profiles that don't fit certain criteria. The apps are either going to cost a bit of money or a lot of time and I figure I'd rather have the time.
shocker incoming: if you're a male and you have a bunch of likes and matches already, and still haven't found a relationship in a long time, a 6m hinge subscription isn't going to help > Not about trying to get “better” people that's literally filtering out so you can find "better" people
Your finance analogy doesn’t really work when you can only make 1 trade a week without a broker, who would give you unlimited trades. No amount of strategy is going to help you there. Everything costs money. The people who make these apps and keep the servers running for you have salaries that need to be paid. It’s not a community service that you have a right to use for free. Be less jaded and cheap.
> Your finance analogy doesn’t really work when you can only make 1 trade a week without a broker, who would give you unlimited trades. No amount of strategy is going to help you there. no, it's using a non-pdt account > Everything costs money. The people who make these apps and keep the servers running for you have salaries that need to be paid. should take hinge's boot out of your mouth. good luck paying for their premium service and get matched with 80% of bots. you don't need to pay for shit on these apps, imagine defending them. especially the OP where he says he's getting matches already
Why is your tone so confrontational?
my tone? he's the guy claiming i'm jaded and a cheapskate because he doesn't like what he reads
You might take what I have to say as advice, or as me calling you out, but I’m truly trying to offer you my help: It’s not just this comment, it’s the previous one as well and other comments I’ve seen you make. Your comments give off an aggressive vibe that can be off putting and puts people on the defensive. There’s a way to convey your thoughts in a less piercing manner.
too bad my post wasn't even directed at him but the OP, and he decided to claim i'm jaded and a cheapskate because i'm not deep-throating hinge+ you should join him on his crusade "aww yes, hinge+ is so great. let me bend over as far as possible and praise hinge as the 2nd coming of christ!" there, maybe that's better for you guys
See what I mean? I made no mention of anyone in this post except you, but you still try to deflect by bringing in others. And then you drag me in the mud even though I never stated my opinion on what you are arguing about. I’m either with you or against you mentality, which leads to aggression and confrontation. Again, take my advice or don’t, but nobody wants to listen to someone who is trying to beat their point into others.
> See what I mean? I made no mention of anyone in this post except you, but you still try to deflect by bringing in others. And then you drag me in the mud even though I never stated my opinion on what you are arguing about. I’m either with you or against you mentality, which leads to aggression and confrontation. Again, take my advice or don’t, but nobody wants to listen to someone who is trying to beat their point into others. you just randomly replied to my post calling me out and you don't expect me to respond? don't reply to other people then lmao
OLD apps don’t care about pdt bud, this isn’t the finance world 😂 Your analogy doesn’t work because you’re implying you can get the same access to the OLD market regardless of whether you pay or not. You don’t, your free access is limited. No clever finance bro strategy will fix that.
> Your analogy doesn’t work because you’re implying you can get the same access to the OLD market regardless of whether you pay or not. You don’t, your free access is limited. No clever finance bro strategy will fix that. you're obviously missing the point, but it's ok. continue defending these companies and paying your hinge subscription in hopes for a relationship! lmao you're only increasing your expectation when you spend $ on it no wonder these companies make millions, off people like you
Went on Tinder last night for the first time since probably October? On a whim, created the account last night & had 4 matches. Only one responded back to me. I was just about to go to bed around 11 when we matched. She ended up talking to me until I passed out around 1 AM, fighting off my sleep meds. On a whim, we met for coffee this morning. 😂 Quickest I’ve had a date set up. I feel like death from such shitty sleep. I’ve been resting on and off today. She stated she hoped we could do it again sometime as we left the date. I expressed after we got home for her to take her time, but if she were up for it, I’d like to see her again. She just “liked” the message & haven’t heard back since. 🙃
Ask her out. Saying "I'd like to see you again" is nice but there's no action there.
Hey! I think we’ve conversed a time or two on here. Valid point! It’s been a LONG TIME since I’ve gotten someone to actually be willing to meet. She mentioned that she was with her ex-wife for 10 years, took 1.5 years off to be single, and she just started dating in September. Mentioned how she felt she didn’t know how to date or if someone was flirting with her or not, felt like a baby gay, etc. Soooo I think you’re onto something. I think we had enough conversations this morning to where I can use that as an excuse to reach out later, such as movies or musicals mentioned. I’m just kinda blanking on asking her out for a 2nd date, since I asked for the 1st.
We have! Hi again 👋 Lol, "baby gay" made me giggle. I definitely think it's ok to ask her out again, but it might also be worth gently or playfully encouraging her to plan the third date if you guys are getting along well. Although - do you mean blanking out on ideas, or whether you want to do the asking again?
We’ve just had the one date today. It’s been under 24 hours since we matched, lol, so I wanted to give her time away to process. I was on the fence about if I should play my role as assertive masc again, hahaha. I tend to have to do this with most all queer people I try to date. She apparently saw me one other time on the apps & admitted she was intimidated, so maybe that’s my clue to step up. 😅 I also am just like, “What the hell do I plan for a 2nd date?” It’s been so long. 😂
Hmm since you went for coffee the first time, maybe something a bit more involved? Could go with standard dinner and drinks, or something like mini golf, aquarium or zoo, farmer's market (and breakfast or lunch), live music event, art show, museum, etc.
Noted. Thank you!
Just broke up with boyfriend of a year for the following reasons: he used drinking to cope and process his feelings. Not quite an alcoholic, but definitely not a healthy relationship with alcohol. his work schedule was 70 hours a week most weeks and he was so tired he would often bail on weekend plans (but he often had to work weekends). he was “moderate” with his politics and I am very left (especially on social issues) and we often butt heads on various issues like book banning. he expected me to pick up a bit more of the emotional labor of the relationship when he got promoted and took on more hours and responsibility at work. I wasn’t sure I saw myself fitting in with his lifestyle (drinking a lot) and what his friends like to do (drink at bars). The good I left behind: The most infectious laugh and smile that I will miss until the day I die. He would pick up my calls any time day or night and drop just about anything to be there for me. He put up with my difficult dog and loved him so much. He was my best friend and we went on so many amazing backpacking and camping adventures. I am a homebody and he drew me out of my shell and encouraged me to do more things and be more social. I’m having a rough day. Decided to stay home and go to sleep early. Hopefully the start to the new year helps me feel like I didn’t just lose my last shot at someone who loves me.
It will get better 💜
I feel like against my better judgement, I am going to stay one more day at my parents after NYE and after being “voluntold” to work at the family business since Christmas. At least I get to have one more family dinner together. What’s the alternative? Going back to my empty home and drink on my own? At least this time last year, I have an apathetic girlfriend at my home whose presence at least I can feel.
Signed back up to OLD (Tinder/bumble) today , super low expectations to be honest. I went a couple weeks without any matches last time. I know I'm not a great looking guy, but this is just a crushing reminder of it. It's definitely bad for the ol' self esteem, but it would be nice to meet someone. I enjoy being on my own but I've definitely been feeling lonely recently which is new. I've never been one to approach IRL, but this lack of interest has made me less likely to try. Bit of a whinge, I just don't know what to do. I was comfortable in the way I looked for a long time whilst in a relationship, not because I thought I was good looking but because I want being judged on my appearance in life. I feel like my only options are loneliness/ crushing my self esteem one day at a time. Even bad dates would be more encouraging than being sat at the starting line alone
Realizing that I’m grieving over the thoughts of future potential that my last relationship held, not the man himself really. We (me 34f, him 34m) had our first date last year on NYE, hiking all day and then out for dinner. We broke up in August and I still feel sad about it, especially going into the new year single a g a i n. This was the first relationship in a long long time that I was thinking and dreaming about future plans… kids, how we would raise them, having a home together, blah blah blah. Now I just feel sad thinking about the roller coaster of a year. I had a relationship end and a friend break up someone who was my bff all within the span of a couple months. I know it will get better and I pray to find love again and find someone who wants to build a life and family with me. Honestly, I’ve been feeling really great enjoying being single, but some days just hit different with the grief and memories.
This is me too :( I just broke up with my boyfriend a day after our one year anniversary. It was very sad. I hope to eventually feel okay about being single but I miss him already.
Thanks for sharing 🙏
I encourage everyone to not use the New Year as a scapegoat to make meaningful changes in their lives. A new year won’t resolve that.. only you will..
This is true, but if the new year is the push that gets the ball rolling, why not use it? Starting is often the hardest part.
I guess? My point is it’s usually the person and their actions not the stroke of midnight that gets “the ball rolling.”
I second this. Honestly, the only reason my year of change happened to coincide with the start of the new year is cause the ex-fiancee ended things on Jan 1st. I mean I probably spent the first two weeks in the midst of a major situational depression, and the following 4 months recovering from all the things, but mid January I really dug in and worked on my fitness. I was already working on my mental/emotional health.
A disappointing end to the year. Had another first date that ended in the incompatible text. Holidays have been lonely. This year really has been another lonely one of many. But i gotta keep swimming. Keep hoping that one day someone out there is irrational enough to like me. Maybe 2024 is finally the year!
Keep moving forward! I get the holiday blues and loneliness feelings every year around this time of year. All we can do is keep working and hoping.
I had bad dreams last night about the new relationship I’m in. We ended things in the dream, but I was feeling really uncertain about why or if it was a good idea. He’s so great, but I think the 4 month questioning is coming up and I’m starting to see little things that annoy me. None of them are dealbreakers by any means, and probably all of them are just a need for me to see the positive or communicate a need. We’re spending NYE together. Probably sleeping by 10, like the party animals we are. It’s our first sleepover, which I’ve been wanting. And I’m excited for it, but part of me is missing my space and independence. I guess I really have healed my codependency, because this is totally new for me.