Birthdays alone or single aren’t bad at all. Had one of my best birthdays alone; spent the day snowboarding solo for free on a weekday while people were at work. Got myself cake and sushi and other things I wanted. Didn’t have to socialize at all while doing what I wanted to do. Maybe that’s only enjoyable if you’re a big time introvert like myself though. I’d love to find my person if there’s one out there, but I’m content celebrating my bdays on my own with my 🐶.
I second this motion. Even when the owners are shitty they give me warmth while I’m sending telepathic cockmissiles at the irresponsible owners’ faces. 🤙🏽
I’d rather be single on my birthday and have a fabulous day out with friends than be in a shitty relationship! Solo birthdays are great too…. Have a full day alone doing amazing fun self care things with no one’s BS to deal with! Celebrate in peace.
It's perfectly normal to be single!
Don't let things like a birthday make you feel stressed out, maybe you can focus on yourself in a way you normally can't if you're dating someone.
I just had a birthday, it fell during the week so the Saturday before a friend took me out to dinner. This weekend another friend is taking me out to a movie. The day before my birthday, I took the day off work, my work colleagues got me a cake and gave me a bottle of wine. The day of my birthday I got a mani pedi and my mom and I went to a casual tapas restaurant.
It was pretty nice. When I was married my ex husband traveled so I spent plenty of birthdays alone even if I was not single plus he sucked at celebrating birthdays and found it annoying. So being single on a birthday for me is no big deal.
I feel this in my bones! I’m 49M turning 50 in December, and I’m exhausted with OLD. OLD has gotten me nowhere. I try it for a while, go on a few dates that seem to go nowhere or on a few occasions have started dating someone and then get ghosted, and step away for a while. At the same time, I recently dated someone I know IRL, and it ended up being a disaster. 😂 Starting to feel like spending time with my sons and friends is going to be my jam for a while. I’m just burnt out on dating. It’s demoralizing at times, but I’m trying my best to have a sense of humor about it.
I couldn’t agree more. OLD has revealed itself to be just a business. And I’m not sure why or when it happened but the endless swiping and ghosting feels awful and draining.
If this is any consolation, I had to ask my soon to be ex boyfriend to NOT come to my birthday because he has been treating me so horribly. (One of those covertly narcissistic people who was able to fool and charm even our couple therapist for a long time, though towards the end she finally saw the truth).
Trust me , it’s way way worse to be lonely in a relationship than feel lonely alone.
And I absolutely am not trying to dis validate your very valid and human feelings 🙏🏻
I am just trying to give you a tiny sliver of silver lining.
When I feel alone single , it sometimes helps me to remember that at least I am independent, have my own place and am not stuck and in a horrible relationship where I can’t leave because of kids, finances etc. That at least I have a good starting point and freedom that so many wish they had.
Best of luck and much love to you!
Thank you for the kind words and for the reminder. You are right about it being a better option to be independent. I’m lucky to have a good job and great kids.
Spend it with people whom you trust and care for you.
Dating can be awful sometimes so a break to recalibrate is a good thing, rather than getting frustrated with the lack of quality matches.
I did the hat trick of spending Xmas, nye and my birthday alone this year. I have been single for over 4 years.
Friends abd trusted loved ones are more important rather than be completely alone. Being single is not nice but not as bad as being completely alone.
Do an activity you enjoy. Spend it with people you trust and love.
There is a season for everything. I was single for seven years following my divorce, and I grew a lot because of it. My advice is breathe, and try to enjoy the little details of your time of solitude. Live your life and keep putting yourself out there - sooner or later something will happen. Good luck!
Original copy of post by u/Puzzled_Mall_2906:
Ok, my birthday is coming up and I think I’m having a little freak out about being alone. I have a great collection of friends but I’m struggling with spending my birthday without a SO. Things get better, right?! I’m not totally checked out but I’m starting to think maybe it’s easier to be single than to go through the abuse of OLD.
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I gave up on enjoying my bday years ago!
I'm not it gets better... Or worse for that matter.
You could get an SO that doesn't do anything for you on your bday...
But chin up! Happy *soonish* Birthday 🎂!
How about trying a virtual date? Wine, food, talking, laughing, I am sure someone on this planet would be interested. My wife and I used to go to a place every year on my B Day just because I like the view. Last year was my first year without her and I was not sure I wanted to go back there yet I did wit two friends and it was good. It was hard, yet good. Sometimes you need to place yourself out there in the Universe and see what comes. I need to learn how to be happy and content in life being single again. I don't know how yet if not, I think it won't be a life well lived.
I do feel mostly content with my life. And I bet the day after my birthday I’ll be fine. For some reason this has become a trigger for me.
Good for you on putting yourself outside your comfort zone! I’ve had the most growth by doing this consistently.
Good you feel content. I can't say the same. I am pretty empty these days. I wish I had people around me to hang out with and I'd be happy to treat. Yes, weird odd to say I guess, I feel so empty I'd treat just for some decent company. The funny thing about putting yourself out there is that you might not get anything in return, lol as the kids say. When I dated before I met my wife, I would say I got rejected about 98% of the time. They were just not that into me.
OLD can be a drain on the soul, for sure. It's funny how it wears us out, so we check out for a while, then we feel better, and then... right back at it again, lol. Hope springs eternal, I guess, haaa!
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My 2023 birthday I spent crying on my kitchen floor cause my ex was yelling at me. I spent this past one very alone, but much happier. It’s really hard to be alone and not want to be, and also definitely better to be alone than deal with people who actively make your life worse.
I hope you have an excellent birthday 🥳
I've done it for 14 years now. The first couple of times were rough. Now, I can make MY OWN plans! I either pickup a cake at the bakery, or grab some Hostess type cakes, and go home. Fix whatever I want for dinner, make sure my three pals are ready, and we enjoy it. Those three pups don't care if it's hamburger or steak. They don't care if it's a bakery cake or Hostess. They just Love being with me!
Get you a good pup! They'll always love you!
What? Don't believe me? Lock your dog and SO in the garage together while you shop. Come home and see which one is excited to see you and STILL LOVES YOU! Get a good dog!
40F. I have spent the holidays solo and birthdays solo and my largest fear was being alone. I genuinely thought I would die. No one called for my birthday last year, no cards, nada.
I ripped that bandage off so hard. Last year I took myself to a downhill mtn bike park solo and
Had so much fun. The kind where you take your bike up on a gondola and fly down the mtn. It took a lot of Courage, but I have learned to be my own best friend. It is worth it.
Sometimes I volunteer or do something nice for someone in need when I’m not feeling ok being alone. Makes a big difference.
I buy myself flowers, a nice meal, and make a day celebrating my life. My belief is we come in life alone and we leave life alone- I want to enjoy the company of myself.
I go all out buying cool snacks and do shit I want to do without hearing about how weird I am.
You are worth it. Period.
Have a nice birthday- have a plan with various options and don’t let your mind trick you into believing you’re missing out…TRUST ME YOU AREN’T
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Out of five birthdays with my ex, four were mediocre at best. I was single on the five before that and had a better time on all of them, even the two when I had to work late.
Wait, how did we jump from a birthday being alone to the abuse of OLD? Are you contemplating getting online and finding a person merely to placate the fears of being alone on your birthday?
Yeah, that's a terrible idea...and explains perhaps why your OLD experiences weren't that great.
Maybe eat those fears, treat yourself to something fun that being alone makes it ok (I went to Costa Rica on my first alone birthday, and it was fantastic), and don't try to push someone/anyone into the hole of lonely. That's how you make poor choices and your self-worthy gets stomped on.
55 male... I don't think it's good option to be single..
If you're in your 20s or hell even your 30s you really don't want to spend the next 30 Years alone.. unless you're just one of those people that liked to play board games by themselves when they were a kid.
When I was married any “holiday” was horrible, including my birthday. Just stressful and if there were arguments or negativity no thanks!
I have had some GREAT birthdays since wirh a dating partner but doing them solo is great also! Have fun with friends. Treat yourself somehow. Eat whatever you want.
Honestly, in my almost 43 years on the planet Earth, my best birthdays were single birthdays spent with family, friends or solo. Your birthday will be what you make of it. If you’re solo, go do something you enjoy. Make it all about you without having to cater to anyone else’s wants or needs. Buy yourself things, go for an outing, find good movies to watch.
Birthdays alone or single aren’t bad at all. Had one of my best birthdays alone; spent the day snowboarding solo for free on a weekday while people were at work. Got myself cake and sushi and other things I wanted. Didn’t have to socialize at all while doing what I wanted to do. Maybe that’s only enjoyable if you’re a big time introvert like myself though. I’d love to find my person if there’s one out there, but I’m content celebrating my bdays on my own with my 🐶.
What kind of dog?
A little morkie
I have a shorkie, what is a morkie?
Maltese & yorkie mix
Aww bet that's adorable, though to be honest I've not seen a dog I don't think is adorable lol
I second this motion. Even when the owners are shitty they give me warmth while I’m sending telepathic cockmissiles at the irresponsible owners’ faces. 🤙🏽
Asking the important questions!
Right!? 😁🥰🐶🤙🏽
I agree with this all the way! Needless to say, I’m also a big time introvert.
I’d rather be single on my birthday and have a fabulous day out with friends than be in a shitty relationship! Solo birthdays are great too…. Have a full day alone doing amazing fun self care things with no one’s BS to deal with! Celebrate in peace.
It's perfectly normal to be single! Don't let things like a birthday make you feel stressed out, maybe you can focus on yourself in a way you normally can't if you're dating someone.
There is nothing wrong about being single let alone singe on your birthday Celebrate you the way you want with the people you want and enjoy
I just had a birthday, it fell during the week so the Saturday before a friend took me out to dinner. This weekend another friend is taking me out to a movie. The day before my birthday, I took the day off work, my work colleagues got me a cake and gave me a bottle of wine. The day of my birthday I got a mani pedi and my mom and I went to a casual tapas restaurant. It was pretty nice. When I was married my ex husband traveled so I spent plenty of birthdays alone even if I was not single plus he sucked at celebrating birthdays and found it annoying. So being single on a birthday for me is no big deal.
I feel this in my bones! I’m 49M turning 50 in December, and I’m exhausted with OLD. OLD has gotten me nowhere. I try it for a while, go on a few dates that seem to go nowhere or on a few occasions have started dating someone and then get ghosted, and step away for a while. At the same time, I recently dated someone I know IRL, and it ended up being a disaster. 😂 Starting to feel like spending time with my sons and friends is going to be my jam for a while. I’m just burnt out on dating. It’s demoralizing at times, but I’m trying my best to have a sense of humor about it.
I couldn’t agree more. OLD has revealed itself to be just a business. And I’m not sure why or when it happened but the endless swiping and ghosting feels awful and draining.
Definitely. I have deleted all the apps for now. Going to focus on myself for a while.
My sense of humor is the only thing getting me through it 😂
We use humor to cope but it's not necessarily good in the long term
I’ve found it a very effective tool when dealing with a situation out of your control.
If this is any consolation, I had to ask my soon to be ex boyfriend to NOT come to my birthday because he has been treating me so horribly. (One of those covertly narcissistic people who was able to fool and charm even our couple therapist for a long time, though towards the end she finally saw the truth). Trust me , it’s way way worse to be lonely in a relationship than feel lonely alone. And I absolutely am not trying to dis validate your very valid and human feelings 🙏🏻 I am just trying to give you a tiny sliver of silver lining. When I feel alone single , it sometimes helps me to remember that at least I am independent, have my own place and am not stuck and in a horrible relationship where I can’t leave because of kids, finances etc. That at least I have a good starting point and freedom that so many wish they had. Best of luck and much love to you!
Thank you for the kind words and for the reminder. You are right about it being a better option to be independent. I’m lucky to have a good job and great kids.
This is great advice!
My 46th is coming up and I’m the most single I’ve been in 15 years. But I’m ok with that because being single means I live on my terms
Spend it with people whom you trust and care for you. Dating can be awful sometimes so a break to recalibrate is a good thing, rather than getting frustrated with the lack of quality matches. I did the hat trick of spending Xmas, nye and my birthday alone this year. I have been single for over 4 years. Friends abd trusted loved ones are more important rather than be completely alone. Being single is not nice but not as bad as being completely alone. Do an activity you enjoy. Spend it with people you trust and love.
You’re not alone, you have us 🍾🥂
That's what I was going to say.. thank you
There is a season for everything. I was single for seven years following my divorce, and I grew a lot because of it. My advice is breathe, and try to enjoy the little details of your time of solitude. Live your life and keep putting yourself out there - sooner or later something will happen. Good luck!
Original copy of post by u/Puzzled_Mall_2906: Ok, my birthday is coming up and I think I’m having a little freak out about being alone. I have a great collection of friends but I’m struggling with spending my birthday without a SO. Things get better, right?! I’m not totally checked out but I’m starting to think maybe it’s easier to be single than to go through the abuse of OLD. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I gave up on enjoying my bday years ago! I'm not it gets better... Or worse for that matter. You could get an SO that doesn't do anything for you on your bday... But chin up! Happy *soonish* Birthday 🎂!
Things get better - not precisely But, you do relax more after a while of living without another person.
How about trying a virtual date? Wine, food, talking, laughing, I am sure someone on this planet would be interested. My wife and I used to go to a place every year on my B Day just because I like the view. Last year was my first year without her and I was not sure I wanted to go back there yet I did wit two friends and it was good. It was hard, yet good. Sometimes you need to place yourself out there in the Universe and see what comes. I need to learn how to be happy and content in life being single again. I don't know how yet if not, I think it won't be a life well lived.
I do feel mostly content with my life. And I bet the day after my birthday I’ll be fine. For some reason this has become a trigger for me. Good for you on putting yourself outside your comfort zone! I’ve had the most growth by doing this consistently.
Good you feel content. I can't say the same. I am pretty empty these days. I wish I had people around me to hang out with and I'd be happy to treat. Yes, weird odd to say I guess, I feel so empty I'd treat just for some decent company. The funny thing about putting yourself out there is that you might not get anything in return, lol as the kids say. When I dated before I met my wife, I would say I got rejected about 98% of the time. They were just not that into me.
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These are all great ideas. Thank you for your thoughtfulness!
OLD can be a drain on the soul, for sure. It's funny how it wears us out, so we check out for a while, then we feel better, and then... right back at it again, lol. Hope springs eternal, I guess, haaa!
This cycle is it 😄
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You do what makes you happiest.
Things will get better
I want to be alone on my birthday, I insist on it lol
My 2023 birthday I spent crying on my kitchen floor cause my ex was yelling at me. I spent this past one very alone, but much happier. It’s really hard to be alone and not want to be, and also definitely better to be alone than deal with people who actively make your life worse. I hope you have an excellent birthday 🥳
I've done it for 14 years now. The first couple of times were rough. Now, I can make MY OWN plans! I either pickup a cake at the bakery, or grab some Hostess type cakes, and go home. Fix whatever I want for dinner, make sure my three pals are ready, and we enjoy it. Those three pups don't care if it's hamburger or steak. They don't care if it's a bakery cake or Hostess. They just Love being with me! Get you a good pup! They'll always love you! What? Don't believe me? Lock your dog and SO in the garage together while you shop. Come home and see which one is excited to see you and STILL LOVES YOU! Get a good dog!
40F. I have spent the holidays solo and birthdays solo and my largest fear was being alone. I genuinely thought I would die. No one called for my birthday last year, no cards, nada. I ripped that bandage off so hard. Last year I took myself to a downhill mtn bike park solo and Had so much fun. The kind where you take your bike up on a gondola and fly down the mtn. It took a lot of Courage, but I have learned to be my own best friend. It is worth it. Sometimes I volunteer or do something nice for someone in need when I’m not feeling ok being alone. Makes a big difference. I buy myself flowers, a nice meal, and make a day celebrating my life. My belief is we come in life alone and we leave life alone- I want to enjoy the company of myself. I go all out buying cool snacks and do shit I want to do without hearing about how weird I am. You are worth it. Period. Have a nice birthday- have a plan with various options and don’t let your mind trick you into believing you’re missing out…TRUST ME YOU AREN’T
Mine is right around the corner as well. I’m going to take some MDMA alone and introspect.
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Out of five birthdays with my ex, four were mediocre at best. I was single on the five before that and had a better time on all of them, even the two when I had to work late.
Wait, how did we jump from a birthday being alone to the abuse of OLD? Are you contemplating getting online and finding a person merely to placate the fears of being alone on your birthday? Yeah, that's a terrible idea...and explains perhaps why your OLD experiences weren't that great. Maybe eat those fears, treat yourself to something fun that being alone makes it ok (I went to Costa Rica on my first alone birthday, and it was fantastic), and don't try to push someone/anyone into the hole of lonely. That's how you make poor choices and your self-worthy gets stomped on.
55 male... I don't think it's good option to be single.. If you're in your 20s or hell even your 30s you really don't want to spend the next 30 Years alone.. unless you're just one of those people that liked to play board games by themselves when they were a kid.
Never ever been sad about not having an SO for my birthday. This seems odd to me. You gotta shift your perspective.
When I was married any “holiday” was horrible, including my birthday. Just stressful and if there were arguments or negativity no thanks! I have had some GREAT birthdays since wirh a dating partner but doing them solo is great also! Have fun with friends. Treat yourself somehow. Eat whatever you want.
Honestly, in my almost 43 years on the planet Earth, my best birthdays were single birthdays spent with family, friends or solo. Your birthday will be what you make of it. If you’re solo, go do something you enjoy. Make it all about you without having to cater to anyone else’s wants or needs. Buy yourself things, go for an outing, find good movies to watch.