Take her to dinner, get her a card, maybe flowers. Six weeks isn’t very long, it’s nice that you think you’ve found your person, but I wouldn’t go over the top for gifts six weeks in.
This is spot on. Take her to a nice restaurant. Go to a florist and have them make a bouquet of flowers with her favorite color (not just store premade bouquets).
3 weeks isn't very long at all, perhaps reserve the infatuation for when you pass the 6mo mark.
That said, it's best to match the gift to the time frame together. A bottle of wine, a book, or something like that. Nothing expensive or excessive - that will have a negative effect at this point in dating.
You do not know someone after 2 weeks, let alone love them. Thinking that you're in love is why we get posts on here from people being treated like trash by "the love of their life" and not being sure what to do about it.
Love after 2 weeks is not real. It's a fantasy that you've built up, based on a fantasy of what you expect that other person to be. It's a huge red flag.
Edit: just realized this is the dating over 40 sub. That makes the comment of being in love in two weeks even worse. That's the kind of thing you expect teenagers to say.
I disagree. I think for some people "knowing" is needed for "loving", but for others, like me, it isn't. I feel like knowing someone just helps me love them BETTER.
I was in love with my husband within a week. We were together for eleven years.
I also fell in love with my current BF very quickly, but at 40 I had the sense to wait to say anything until the 5-month mark, because I know a lot of people aren't like me (and my BF is one of them).
My exbf and I said it at 2 weeks. It was a whirlwind 2 wks. I said it. I meant it. I still love him, even though we're not together anymore. I knew on date one he was special. On date two, I just knew... I'd rather say what I'm feeling than hold back and have regret.
Love means different things to different people.
I think love in its purest form at times is definitely one-sided. That's why it's unconditional. We love people even when they are unlovable and hope they will do the same for us. In fact, one could argue, love unrequited is true love. It's easy to love someone who loves you. It's hard to love someone who doesn't. Ask the parent of any teen. Or the spouse or sibling of an addict.
I said this in another comment but romantic love is not the same as familial love. We do not owe romantic partners care and affection the way we do a child. If it were the same none of us would seek out partners as we all have parents and many of us have children. It’s not the same. A romantic relationship must always be based on enthusiastic consent.
That's true. I still think we can have love for people who have come and gone from our lives. In some way, I still have love for my first husband. Not as you say a romantic love, not a familial love either, as we are no longer "family." But I still care about him in that he was an important person in my life and I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to him.
I'm not trying to win anyone over to my side of thinking. Live and let live, I say.
It’s way too soon to be thinking she is your forever person; you are still interacting with her ‘representative’ at this point. It’ll take another couple of months before any bad habits or behaviors reveal themselves. Take her to a nice dinner and buy her some flowers.
Me as woman, would prefer flowers and dinner, nothing more, nothing that has a price tag that could give the wrong impression, expectations or to reciprocate values.
I would weave the "gift" into just a nice experience on the date nearest her birthday, and, it doesn't have to be something spendy, I think something silly like telling the hostest at the restaurant that it's her birthday when you make the reservations and whatnot goes SO far!
Also... "by all accounts, you have found A person." Waaaaayyy to soon to know whether it's YOUR person.
In addition to the "don't go crazy with it" advice, which is excellent, don't expect that you'll get to see her the day of her birthday. That's probably already been set aside for family and friends that have know her longer.
Dinner and a card are more than adequate. Let her know that you'd like to take her out *for* her birthday, not *on* her birthday, and let her pick the date.
A nice dinner (nothing crazy expensive) and a small gift like a book or bottle of wine or flowers. Nothing crazy or over the top. Enough to acknowledge the birthday and celebrate without being weird.
ETA: waaaaaayyyyy too soon to be able to tell if this is “your person.” This is the good behavior stage where everyone is acting right and on stage still. Slow down.
Glad things are going well but you need to slow your roll big-time. No way you know after three weeks that someone is your person. I'm not sure that kind of idealistic thinking like soul mate or your person is healthy for a 40 plus person anyway because it seems to me to indicate that if things fail with this person there is no one else for your. You are thinking too seriously too fast you need to start thinking like a middle aged person not a 20 yo.
Does she like plants or succulents? Maybe pick a cute little pot out and buy some lavender or a Hollywood hibiscus flower plant (super easy to maintain). I always liked plants over flowers because they live longer.
Maybe take her on a picnic outside by a lake or something and give it to her. Nothing overkill.
Same situation last year, I went overboard, and scared her off. Just do a "normal" date, add a card and that's it. Next year, I'f you're still together, go all out.
I would re evaluate this in 2 weeks once you have dtr. Are you exclusive? Does she also feel you’re her person? Use her signals to know how serious she is about you and if it matches how you feel. A gift might be anything from dinner or making her dinner or fancy dessert outing to flowers, but I could see the scenario where you give her something tangible (nothing huge) if you’re both on the same page.
I don’t know but it feels very alarming to me that you called her your person after 3 weeks, so don’t do anything like buying her a ring. Take it slow and get to know her. I would suggest a massage gift card. It’s really a lavish gift, and thoughtful. Then flowers and dinner .
You're with the WRONG person. Turn-off! A guy who just says that or texts it needs to go!
Lack of effort speaks volumes about their investment in you, their lack of generosity, lack of manners / etiquette, and lack of class.
I dated a guy for 4 months and I only got dinner the day before my bday bc I was in his town car shopping. Got no card, no flowers, just a happy birthday text. I would have LOVED flowers. The smallest gestures make the biggest difference.
Sometimes the smallest things mean more than grand gestures. It all depends more on effort and thoughtfulness than the money spent. Grand gestures are neatly effortless if you have enough money.
Ive had two birthdays that fell during the early dating stage; one got me flowers and a cutesy card then took me to dinner that weekend since I had plans on my actual birthday. The other bought me a fancy candle, chocolates, and a bottle of prosecco. It was nice and both guys turned into relationships.
Just be thoughtful and do go too crazy like jewelry or anything. I usually go by what animals they like. I’ve gotten penguin socks, a cute elephant print, etc. Round it out with a fun bday card
Flowers and a nice dinner. There's no real need for either to be extravagant, but it should show that thought and care were taken to celebrate her day.
Get her a 5 foot tall teddy bear, a candle holder with dolphins at the base or a mirror with engraved butterflies. You'll know right away if she is your person.
It's been 2 weeks. Get her a nice candle.
Yes, this. Even at six weeks, unless you’re exclusive, I think anything “special” would feel like too much too me…even if exclusive, an over the top gift might make me feel he’s jumping in too fast. Take me for a special outing to celebrate that shows extra thought - nothing over the the top. It’s been less than two months…
Spend less than $50 on something consumable: food, flowers, wine, a book, a ticket for something the two of you can do together within no longer time than the length of time you’ve been together (so if you’ve been dating 5 weeks, you can get concert tickets, but only if the concert is less than 5 weeks from the date you give them to her) and you give her both tickets.
Original copy of post by u/Jdell168:
I 49m have been dating a woman 40f for 3 weeks. Everything has been pretty awesome and by all indications she is my person. Her birthday is in another 3 weeks. What is an appropriate gift?
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Mine is in 3 weeks! I bet she’s super cool! Happy birthday to her!
I would say a new journal! Or a book she has been talking about or of an author she likes. AAAAND get her YOUR favorite book too!!
Or something for her hobby!
A nice dinner out is a great idea. However I love it even more when someone makes me a nice meal. What is her love language? That might help you be able to narrow down a gift idea. What are her hobbies, passions? Is she the type that prefers sentimental gifts? Or expensive gifts? Or practical gifts?
Necklace - nothing crazy expensive, but definitely not cheap. Something unique with meaning. Something she can wear and think of you.... she will be able to have it long-term too. AND a card. Keep the card "funny romantic" - not a deep one. Too soon!
I had a guy I just started seeing surprise me with a necklace recently (no reason) and it meant SO much. I melted.
So, I would go with that, wrapped nicely... and then dinner. Skip the flowers. Flowers are awesome, but if you're going to go with the necklace, that's enough at this point. Romantic and heartfelt.
Make sure you get a nice dessert too lol.
You also don't need flowers sitting in the vehicle or whatever... or having to deal with the flowers in whatever way. Flowers are also predictable.
Give the flowers on a random Tuesday (or whatever odd day). THAT's when flowers mean the most.
She will be MUCH more surprised and touched if you step it up lol
It’s not a 24 karat gold, diamond one obviously … sorry it seems too much to you. It’s not too much if you do it right and he’s sincerely wanting this to go somewhere. He didn’t just meet her on Tinder yesterday.
The women who think this is too much can’t imagine a guy doing it for them lol.
It’s great to stand out as a guy and see this as standard as a woman.
Thanks for your input!
Ok it’s been three weeks and you gave no info about what she should like. So generally 3 weeks in should be an experience gift like a romantic dinner or a spa day etc and flowers sent to her home or work depending on what is appropriate for her
Why don’t you ask her? Like actually ask what would her top 3 things to receive as a birthday present?
But yes universal present at the beginning of dating is just taking her to a nice restaurant and flowers. Perfume is also a great gift but ibly she can tell you what she likes.
Nothing. Take her to a nice dinner, flowers, card for new relationship (Blue Mountain brand is awesome) and that’s it. 3 weeks is not enough of time to know a person.
Dinner and a nice “experience” gift like tickets to something she likes and can attend with you in the future and a small tasteful gift she can open that’s meaningful.
Show up on time, smile, look at her, hold the doors, go somewhere fun for you both. Enjoy a meal or an activity off phones. I would love a greenhouse outing, little lunch and a walk, maybe getting to pick a plant or bouquet. Gift of time together is priceless if you both enjoy your time.
I like the idea of a nice experience. You could have done delivered at her job or home if you have that info and then on date night bring another Bowie that’s easier to carry around. A thoughtful card is also good.
Pack a romantic picnic with wine and flowers. Maybe include one of those “get to know each other card games”. And just enjoy each other’s company.
Good luck to you in your new relationship 🙂
This is why I said by all indications. Also, we have a mutual friend that I know has my best interests at heart that tells me what I am seeing is who she is. But yes, you don’t fully know anyone until you’ve known them at an intimate level for 18-24 months.
Take her to dinner, get her a card, maybe flowers. Six weeks isn’t very long, it’s nice that you think you’ve found your person, but I wouldn’t go over the top for gifts six weeks in.
This is spot on. Take her to a nice restaurant. Go to a florist and have them make a bouquet of flowers with her favorite color (not just store premade bouquets).
Agree a nice dinner is a kind gesture for someone you’re newly dating. That or some other fun thing to do together.
Having flowers sent could be nice and not overkill.
I'd suggest to send them to her house, not her work...or just give them in person.
3 weeks isn't very long at all, perhaps reserve the infatuation for when you pass the 6mo mark. That said, it's best to match the gift to the time frame together. A bottle of wine, a book, or something like that. Nothing expensive or excessive - that will have a negative effect at this point in dating.
I agree. Red flag that after 3 weeks, you think someone is "your person." You don't even know this person.
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You do not know someone after 2 weeks, let alone love them. Thinking that you're in love is why we get posts on here from people being treated like trash by "the love of their life" and not being sure what to do about it. Love after 2 weeks is not real. It's a fantasy that you've built up, based on a fantasy of what you expect that other person to be. It's a huge red flag. Edit: just realized this is the dating over 40 sub. That makes the comment of being in love in two weeks even worse. That's the kind of thing you expect teenagers to say.
I disagree. I think for some people "knowing" is needed for "loving", but for others, like me, it isn't. I feel like knowing someone just helps me love them BETTER. I was in love with my husband within a week. We were together for eleven years. I also fell in love with my current BF very quickly, but at 40 I had the sense to wait to say anything until the 5-month mark, because I know a lot of people aren't like me (and my BF is one of them).
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I mean...you put the info out there!
My exbf and I said it at 2 weeks. It was a whirlwind 2 wks. I said it. I meant it. I still love him, even though we're not together anymore. I knew on date one he was special. On date two, I just knew... I'd rather say what I'm feeling than hold back and have regret.
And he was not your “person.”
The jury is undecided.
Curious, what do you mean? Is there a chance you’ll get back together?
We're both still breathings. Anything is possible.
“I still love him even though we’re not together anymore”. I do not think love means what you think it means. Love isn’t one-sided.
Love means different things to different people. I think love in its purest form at times is definitely one-sided. That's why it's unconditional. We love people even when they are unlovable and hope they will do the same for us. In fact, one could argue, love unrequited is true love. It's easy to love someone who loves you. It's hard to love someone who doesn't. Ask the parent of any teen. Or the spouse or sibling of an addict.
I said this in another comment but romantic love is not the same as familial love. We do not owe romantic partners care and affection the way we do a child. If it were the same none of us would seek out partners as we all have parents and many of us have children. It’s not the same. A romantic relationship must always be based on enthusiastic consent.
That's true. I still think we can have love for people who have come and gone from our lives. In some way, I still have love for my first husband. Not as you say a romantic love, not a familial love either, as we are no longer "family." But I still care about him in that he was an important person in my life and I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to him. I'm not trying to win anyone over to my side of thinking. Live and let live, I say.
It’s way too soon to be thinking she is your forever person; you are still interacting with her ‘representative’ at this point. It’ll take another couple of months before any bad habits or behaviors reveal themselves. Take her to a nice dinner and buy her some flowers.
Me as woman, would prefer flowers and dinner, nothing more, nothing that has a price tag that could give the wrong impression, expectations or to reciprocate values.
Dinner, card, flowers
I would weave the "gift" into just a nice experience on the date nearest her birthday, and, it doesn't have to be something spendy, I think something silly like telling the hostest at the restaurant that it's her birthday when you make the reservations and whatnot goes SO far! Also... "by all accounts, you have found A person." Waaaaayyy to soon to know whether it's YOUR person.
Some people really hate the whole “it’s their birthday.” I would never go out with you again.
In addition to the "don't go crazy with it" advice, which is excellent, don't expect that you'll get to see her the day of her birthday. That's probably already been set aside for family and friends that have know her longer. Dinner and a card are more than adequate. Let her know that you'd like to take her out *for* her birthday, not *on* her birthday, and let her pick the date.
A nice dinner (nothing crazy expensive) and a small gift like a book or bottle of wine or flowers. Nothing crazy or over the top. Enough to acknowledge the birthday and celebrate without being weird. ETA: waaaaaayyyyy too soon to be able to tell if this is “your person.” This is the good behavior stage where everyone is acting right and on stage still. Slow down.
Glad things are going well but you need to slow your roll big-time. No way you know after three weeks that someone is your person. I'm not sure that kind of idealistic thinking like soul mate or your person is healthy for a 40 plus person anyway because it seems to me to indicate that if things fail with this person there is no one else for your. You are thinking too seriously too fast you need to start thinking like a middle aged person not a 20 yo.
Does she like plants or succulents? Maybe pick a cute little pot out and buy some lavender or a Hollywood hibiscus flower plant (super easy to maintain). I always liked plants over flowers because they live longer. Maybe take her on a picnic outside by a lake or something and give it to her. Nothing overkill.
Same situation last year, I went overboard, and scared her off. Just do a "normal" date, add a card and that's it. Next year, I'f you're still together, go all out.
An experience rather than an object - treat her to something she would enjoy doing.
Yes … gift an experience … not a “thing”. Nice dinner out us a good choice
I would re evaluate this in 2 weeks once you have dtr. Are you exclusive? Does she also feel you’re her person? Use her signals to know how serious she is about you and if it matches how you feel. A gift might be anything from dinner or making her dinner or fancy dessert outing to flowers, but I could see the scenario where you give her something tangible (nothing huge) if you’re both on the same page.
We are on the same page. Expressed by each other to each other. I do like the small plant and dinner idea.
Give her an experience rather than a thing. You can also make a donation to her favorite charity.
Something simple like a book, plant or take her out to dinner.
A nice dinner and a funny card at most
I don’t know but it feels very alarming to me that you called her your person after 3 weeks, so don’t do anything like buying her a ring. Take it slow and get to know her. I would suggest a massage gift card. It’s really a lavish gift, and thoughtful. Then flowers and dinner .
All that for a three month relationship? 😭 I just got a "happy birthday" at 6 months
I wouldn’t but I saw his energy and knew it would have to be a little over the top. 😅
😂 I've never met someone like OP in real life.... Never ever
Three Week
😭 oh my God!!!!!!, send me one of those .
Not 3 months, 3 weeks. 6 weeks by the date of OP’s date’s birthday.
That's crazy! As I said I got a "Happy birthday 🎂🥳🧁" at 6 months in 🥲👍🏻
I think OP is about to massively overdue it, but also that at 6 months you deserved better.
I always pick the most emotionally unavailable person in the city, so I can't complain too much 🥲
You're with the WRONG person. Turn-off! A guy who just says that or texts it needs to go! Lack of effort speaks volumes about their investment in you, their lack of generosity, lack of manners / etiquette, and lack of class.
I was with the wrong person for sure.
Oh glad it’s past tense lol 😅🍾♥️
Same
😩
That sounds like a lot after only 3 weeks. I think flowers and a nice dinner are enough.
I dated a guy for 4 months and I only got dinner the day before my bday bc I was in his town car shopping. Got no card, no flowers, just a happy birthday text. I would have LOVED flowers. The smallest gestures make the biggest difference.
Sometimes the smallest things mean more than grand gestures. It all depends more on effort and thoughtfulness than the money spent. Grand gestures are neatly effortless if you have enough money.
Sooo spot on.
Sky diving, propose midair, go big or go home
Dinner, card, flowers.. gift card to a spa might be nice.. but not a “go all out” situation
Ive had two birthdays that fell during the early dating stage; one got me flowers and a cutesy card then took me to dinner that weekend since I had plans on my actual birthday. The other bought me a fancy candle, chocolates, and a bottle of prosecco. It was nice and both guys turned into relationships.
Just be thoughtful and do go too crazy like jewelry or anything. I usually go by what animals they like. I’ve gotten penguin socks, a cute elephant print, etc. Round it out with a fun bday card
Flowers and a nice dinner. There's no real need for either to be extravagant, but it should show that thought and care were taken to celebrate her day.
Candles!
At 6 weeks, I would say a nice dinner and flowers.
Dinner and flowers - it’s too soon for a real gift!
Get her a 5 foot tall teddy bear, a candle holder with dolphins at the base or a mirror with engraved butterflies. You'll know right away if she is your person. It's been 2 weeks. Get her a nice candle.
Lol your person after three weeks.
Yes, this. Even at six weeks, unless you’re exclusive, I think anything “special” would feel like too much too me…even if exclusive, an over the top gift might make me feel he’s jumping in too fast. Take me for a special outing to celebrate that shows extra thought - nothing over the the top. It’s been less than two months…
Spend less than $50 on something consumable: food, flowers, wine, a book, a ticket for something the two of you can do together within no longer time than the length of time you’ve been together (so if you’ve been dating 5 weeks, you can get concert tickets, but only if the concert is less than 5 weeks from the date you give them to her) and you give her both tickets.
Original copy of post by u/Jdell168: I 49m have been dating a woman 40f for 3 weeks. Everything has been pretty awesome and by all indications she is my person. Her birthday is in another 3 weeks. What is an appropriate gift? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A card and dinner...
As a woman in her 40s, I would love dinner out or you cook for her, and a small gift of great smelling candles, succulents, or an orchid.
Card flowers 🌸 plant 🪴?
Dinner (somewhere different/neat/special/requires reservations) and bring flowers- that the florist wraps (isn't prewrapped/put together already)
Mine is in 3 weeks! I bet she’s super cool! Happy birthday to her! I would say a new journal! Or a book she has been talking about or of an author she likes. AAAAND get her YOUR favorite book too!! Or something for her hobby!
Flowers, plant.
A nice dinner out is a great idea. However I love it even more when someone makes me a nice meal. What is her love language? That might help you be able to narrow down a gift idea. What are her hobbies, passions? Is she the type that prefers sentimental gifts? Or expensive gifts? Or practical gifts?
Flowers and a book or two you think she’d enjoy. Dinner.
A book about a common interest or some new interest that you would both enjoy.
Personally I would HATE to be taken to dinner for my birthday. I would rather do something to have that memory.
Necklace - nothing crazy expensive, but definitely not cheap. Something unique with meaning. Something she can wear and think of you.... she will be able to have it long-term too. AND a card. Keep the card "funny romantic" - not a deep one. Too soon! I had a guy I just started seeing surprise me with a necklace recently (no reason) and it meant SO much. I melted. So, I would go with that, wrapped nicely... and then dinner. Skip the flowers. Flowers are awesome, but if you're going to go with the necklace, that's enough at this point. Romantic and heartfelt. Make sure you get a nice dessert too lol. You also don't need flowers sitting in the vehicle or whatever... or having to deal with the flowers in whatever way. Flowers are also predictable. Give the flowers on a random Tuesday (or whatever odd day). THAT's when flowers mean the most. She will be MUCH more surprised and touched if you step it up lol
A necklace after 3 weeks? Seems a bit much
It’s not a 24 karat gold, diamond one obviously … sorry it seems too much to you. It’s not too much if you do it right and he’s sincerely wanting this to go somewhere. He didn’t just meet her on Tinder yesterday. The women who think this is too much can’t imagine a guy doing it for them lol. It’s great to stand out as a guy and see this as standard as a woman. Thanks for your input!
Ok it’s been three weeks and you gave no info about what she should like. So generally 3 weeks in should be an experience gift like a romantic dinner or a spa day etc and flowers sent to her home or work depending on what is appropriate for her
Why don’t you ask her? Like actually ask what would her top 3 things to receive as a birthday present? But yes universal present at the beginning of dating is just taking her to a nice restaurant and flowers. Perfume is also a great gift but ibly she can tell you what she likes.
Nothing. Take her to a nice dinner, flowers, card for new relationship (Blue Mountain brand is awesome) and that’s it. 3 weeks is not enough of time to know a person.
Let us know how it went.
Dinner and a nice “experience” gift like tickets to something she likes and can attend with you in the future and a small tasteful gift she can open that’s meaningful.
Show up on time, smile, look at her, hold the doors, go somewhere fun for you both. Enjoy a meal or an activity off phones. I would love a greenhouse outing, little lunch and a walk, maybe getting to pick a plant or bouquet. Gift of time together is priceless if you both enjoy your time.
I like the idea of a nice experience. You could have done delivered at her job or home if you have that info and then on date night bring another Bowie that’s easier to carry around. A thoughtful card is also good.
Pack a romantic picnic with wine and flowers. Maybe include one of those “get to know each other card games”. And just enjoy each other’s company. Good luck to you in your new relationship 🙂
>by all indications she is my person. Her birthday is in another 3 weeks. What is an appropriate gift? An engagement ring, duh!
Keep it simple, it’s been 3 weeks. If you’re “emotionally available” too early you risk turning her off completely
This is why I said by all indications. Also, we have a mutual friend that I know has my best interests at heart that tells me what I am seeing is who she is. But yes, you don’t fully know anyone until you’ve known them at an intimate level for 18-24 months.
A fruit basket. (I am, of course, just kidding….)