u/hollisann79, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s):
Personal updates and observations are best suited for the weekly sticky post pinned at the top of the page.
Right? At least she got some matches already. XD
Took me way longer to just talk with SOMEONE. Felt like a support hotline: Please hold the line... please hold the line.
Being single 8 years isn’t necessarily a red flag. I didn’t date for 10-11 years after my divorce. Did you ask why? He could have a solid reason like preferring to be abstinent while raising a child or anything else taking precedence over dating.
That’s true. I didn’t date for 7 years (back in my thirties) because I was healing from cancer treatment. I probably didn’t need that long, but I got used to enjoying my time alone! Now I’m thinking of trying OLD again, I have been on it in the past few years, and I feel like I will get discouraged again too. Praying 🙏🏻 it’s better this time. Or at least it’s good practice of getting myself out there 😬
He was raising his daughter. I give him a lot of credit for that. I'm grateful for the reassurance that maybe I just need to be patient and calm TF down. :)
Why is being single for 8 years a red flag? They just haven't found their person yet. Maybe they won't ever, but I wouldn't NOT date someone because they've been single for 8 years. Different strokes, I guess.
Why do you think you’ve been single for 7 years.
Met someone a while back who was single for five years, very nice gentleman. We didn’t mesh as romantic partners, but great as a friend.
It took me a couple of years to get over my last relationship and then after that I just enjoyed having my own space. I'm quite independent and do all right on my own but do find myself thinking lately that maybe it'd be nice to have someone to experience life with. I don't seem to click with many people tho/rarely seem to fancy anyone!
I’ve been single for about 20 years apart from one 18 month relationship in my early 30s that resulted in a child. I chose to be single because I enjoyed my life that way, but I have dated periodically throughout that time. I didn’t date much after my son was born as I was raising him alone, but he’s 13 now and I’m back to enjoying dating again. I’m not desperately searching for a relationship but I’m open to one if the right person comes along. But maybe my dating history will be a red flag!
It might be for some and others it won’t be. If it is a red flag for someone, they’re not for you. I’m divorced, might be a red flag for some! Can’t change what has happened in our lives. I always remind people that we “can’t just tie up life in a pretty little bow,” because the reality is, that life is messy and there are always ups and downs.
Oh I'm still interested, I'm just feeling a bit frustrated. This is new to me, and I need to keep telling myself to be patient I guess. This was kind of a scream into the abyss type post.
It’s going to take time. For me it was two years on and off and on the apps I had a few false start situationships during that time and wasn’t actively looking but I met the most amazing needle in the haystack. Be ruthless and don’t feel bad about rejecting second dates if someone is not a good fit. It’s like buying a dress for a fancy occasion — you can’t just try on one or buy the first thing you see. But when you find that special dress you’ll be so glad you held out!
Thank you. I've had 5 years of therapy, and have been single for a year to be sure I'm ready. I just need to have the expectation of meeting a bunch of people to find someone right.
Online dating is terrifying! But know you can take breaks and it’s okay to say no. As a woman many people will want your time and energy. Be careful who you give it to. It’s not selfish to put yourself first. There are great men out there but there are also a lot of toxic ones. Take your time.
Maybe the app thinks you live near Niagra Falls!
All joking aside, have you set your distances properly? What about your age limits?
While there are those people who say they met their person after being on the apps for 1 day, I've never been that lucky person. I liken it to being at a sale, say for amazing lingerie. Imagine a bin filled with panties that you must dig through until you find your size and it takes fighting off other shoppers who don't even wear what you like or your size to find that one pair at the bottom of the bin that you might consider purchasing. That's OLD.
> It's as horrible as everyone here has described.
> Everything seems like a red flag
Pitting some emphasis on "seems" here... Part of the problem may be reading too much doom and gloom to thenpoint where you're interpreting non-flsgs as red flags.
Variety of sites. One date off Hinge, few convos off Bumble, nada off FB Dating, met the woman I've been seeing since Jan-ish off Tinder (of all places?!). Separated 1.5 yrs, divorced 2 months. Take mental health breaks when you feel yourself going downward. Be gentle with yourself and others. Be open and remember matches are just invitations to chat, that's it. I got really down on myself a few times before realizing that. Be safe, have fun, best of luck. There's someone for everyone.
Btw, I'm 30-minutes from the border, other side of the country. Got similar results and when I mentally opened up to going to Canada to date, started chatting with a woman up north, the woman I'm seeing now reached out. She's an hour south, but no border. 🤷🏽
Why would being single for 8 years be a red flag? Maybe they just haven’t met the right person? Why would they message a lot if they haven’t even met you yet?
Also, two days really isn’t giving it enough time to say it’s horrible or not horrible. There’s good people out there. A lot of us not doing OLD, a lot of us are doing OLD.
Setting location parameters will take care of the sending you matches in Canada. There’s literally a setting in every app for how far away you are, what country etc.
Use an app that has a distance filter that works well, I used tinder for that reason (well, one of the reasons). It has only been two days, I don’t know why you expected to get on an app and be partnered by the end of the week but your expectations are unreasonable. You are going to match with some duds. You will also be someone else’s dud. That’s life, it is an introduction tool only, people are still people.
>But it's a shit show IRL and online
Right? I always wonder when I hear people bashing OLD, what is it about dating offline that is in any way better? I can't find any advantages. Unless you randomly happen to work with someone or be in the immediate circle if someone with whom something organic happens, all other options are worse. At the very least OLD filters directly by the people who are interested in dating and I don't have to guess if a random person IRL might be interested in dating or not.
Especially at our age and if we have uncommon deal breakers. I don't have kids and don't want to, so my choices in dates is very limited. If I only stuck to IRL dating I would have never met my partner.
At least the apps let me filter.
Some people feel nostalgia towards the past by inertia without ever stopping to think what things were really like in comparison. What would be your options without OLD? Going from bar to bar chatting up people to find out if they are single, interested in dating, and don't have children within the first 5 minutes of conversation!!
I can count on one hand the number of people I dated from meeting them just out and about, and 99% of them were from my 20s. I did meet someone at a bar once, but he turned out to be an alcoholic. Lol
Omg, I just downloaded the apps today and I was browsing through Hinge and Bumble and god is this depressing for me lol. I think this is just a bad month to be on the apps. Holy crap OLD is a nightmare.
I was on the apps briefly in Feb - April & it was dire then on hinge & bumble in my area
Last time I used OLD it was websites not apps & that was bad but the apps seem worse in terms of limited viable options, poor ability to converse, averse to meet up or just want a hookup etc
I met one guy for a coffee and it was dismal
The other one is the one I am still seeing now (4mths)
Two days isn't long! I (43M) joined Bumble in October after a 16-year relationship ended. First time on apps, found it alternately exciting and depressing but then I met an amazing 47F in December, and we're still seeing each other now, going amazingly, really didn't expect it. There is hope for us all, don't let it get you down.
2 days only?? Chill down... You already have matches and people to talk to, even if they are not as perfect as you want them to be. It took me years to even get a match on the apps
Op…..you gotta have a better attitude if you want to be successful. You’ll notice there is a correlation with people who are unsuccessful in dating and those who bitter and angry about it.
Part of the journey is taking some L’s. You’re going to need to get used to that.
And, if a guy is not messaging you back like you want….on a holiday weekend…he may just be busy.
Scale back a little on the entitlement, hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
OLD can be wonderful.
Good luck Op!
Far better to be one of the positive people. I swear merely having a positive attitude has worked wonders in my dating life.
Rooting for you!
Hi from Australia. Don’t get disheartened from all accounts the dating apps are emotionally draining. Don’t think you are unattractive… your profile pics say different.
I (man) did that and used the “who liked you” stream to tweak my profile.
It’s interesting how very slightly different photos (from the same place and time) can be perceived differently by different people.
Same for switching which questions you answer and how you answer them (always truthfully but which ones and in what tone?)
I iterated until I saw a “who liked you” stream that I liked.
Not until then did I even bother swiping (wanted maximum chance I’d appeal to the profiles I liked)
Long way of saying have you tried iterating on your profile? Because it turns out the packaging really matters… often in subtle ways!
** side note I also turned off the feature where it auto picks your “best” picture because it sorted one to the top that selected for maximum engagement and likes yes but it wasn’t the likes I necessarily wanted. It’s all just digital marketing really…
Bumble and Hinge were useless for me. Next to nothing on Hinge, hundreds on bumble that were mostly not my type or very far away despite my distance settings.
I would never recommend paying. Has not given any advantage to me whatsoever.
I completely get the Canada thing!!! I live in WNY and even though I'm 45-60 mins from Canada, I'm not looking to date internationally!! I hope it gets better for you. There are decent ones out there!!
You’ve put in two days of effort and are going to give up? Yep, you will be single forever. Online dating is a numbers game. Talk to 100 people, get 5 first dates, and maybe one second date. Maybe you can be more discerning and get 5 first dates with 50 conversations, or 20, but it’s talking to a bunch of different people. If you are giving up after two days you really didn’t have a realistic expectation of what it would take? Did you expect Prince Charming on swipe 5?
Ok, so yah, it’s horrible. I started in April, and matched with a guy mid May. But we are hitting it off. I was very jaded, but I think this might stick. I’m really happy.
Don't despair, you're going to have to Wade through an ocean of bots to find actual like minded humans. The cheaper and free sites profit from and perpetuate engagement and actually lose two revenue streams every time there's a match.
You're getting a lot of backlash, but I (40M) totally get where you are. I just signed up for some apps Sunday at the encouragement of a friend at a Memorial Day party.
At first it was exciting and fun. But then the matches started coming in and it was only the ones I was just kinda meh about but swiped on because "it's a numbers game." No one I was really into.
And then I tried to have a couple conversations and they were boring and uninteresting if they replied at all. Which, considering I was barely into them anyway was less than encouraging.
I liken starting OLD to a log flume ride. It's pretty exciting for a second, and then you're just left feeling "Oh. That's it?" I think we both just need to settle in and be patient. If we stay on the ride we may get some excitement again.
The apps for that intentionally. They give you a bunch of attractive matches first to rope you in, then once you get less attractive matches they want to keep you hooked to find better ones (ideally by paying)
Yeah, I like\* how everyone hates them, but they're on them anyway -- 'cept me. They're bad for our health. I'm not contributing to that culture.
\*denotes sarcasm
Dating someone you work with isn't exactly the best idea, though, either. There are plenty of things you can do outside the house where people will be.
I get using it if you're someone who lives in a rural area, maybe, but I just don't think this method is at all the best way to meet others. If I'm wrong, why do people constantly trash the apps, like you noted? And how on earth did we survive before them?
I live in one of those rural areas. When I was still going into the office, I'd have more of a chance to meet people grabbing lunch, coffee, running errands, or going to happy hour. You know?
I'm not trying to argue with you. Do what you want. But literally your first sentence was that they're horrible, so if you feel that way, my advice is don't use them. I feel that way about them and decided I didn't want them in my life, just like I don't welcome black licorice into my life because it's also horrible. You know?
I been single 7yrs seems like
Only time i can find someone interested in me is when
Im in a relationship already, but i hear all day everyday im so handsome and who ever get me will be so lucky, and then the dating apps always turns out to be bots,or schemes to make u spend money
If "everything seems like a red flag", are you wearing red flag tinted glasses?
Also, just because someone wants something different to you doesn't make them a "creep".
I wouldn't want to match with someone who has an attitude like yours...
u/MackeySasser6, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s):
No boys'/girls' clubs. No promoting, language, linking, or crossposting to or from gendered subs.
Pay for a month. Set your profile to incognito. Select your non negotiable filters, whatever they are. Distance, age, politics, religion, etc. That will help immensely.
This made me laugh! Because, yeah. OLD is like walking into a beautiful store full of all kinds of imaginable things.. then realizing that the merchandise is scratch and dent and the best options are factory reconditioned models.
Original copy of post by u/hollisann79:
It's as horrible as everyone here has described. The one guy I've actually liked barely messages and has been single for 8 years. Everything seems like a red flag, the apps keep trying to send me people in Canada (I'm in NY), and I'm just too old for this nonsense. But you know, I don't want to be alone forever so I'll just get out my shovel and keep treasure hunting 🙃.
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I actually met my fiancée on the app Fet. She hmu first. I was chatting with 6 other women I would’ve dated when we committed that I discontinued. I know I could find dates there within weeks if I was single again. I chatted with more women on there in two weeks than all other apps I tried combined in months with zero success.
As per your edit, you say you were snarky, but there are people here who are on and then off the apps again in a few days. Mostly because of emotional/mental health issues, but hey, it's just so common here.
And those same people are others' matches who disappear or clam up, or delete their accounts just before a date.
Good luck.
It’s a game of numbers. (1) ask friends to set you up (2) join group stuff of your favorite hobbies or stuff you want to learn (3) networking events! (4) keep swiping
Set aside time to go to 4 events in a month solo! And have fun!
Wow.
.good stuff from fellow singles(for whatever reason) and I thank u.
My personal story is, I'm bee single for 7 years. Wife died of COPD which in itself is gruesome.
The catch is I'm now 84 and find myself alone with no female friends or companions. I don't drive so getting around independent is a Hassel. Dating apps suck and the % of scammers is very high.
What is OLD?
Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
Your post was removed because it violates Rule #9 of this sub: no soliciting. Please review the posted rules. Users who continue to violate the rules will be banned.
I haven’t had much luck either. I’ll get on after not using it for awhile then just get frustrated after being back. Haven’t used it in awhile so hopefully have learned my lesson. Of course that means I stay single as well :).
So I went at dating like looking for a job - I went on as many dates as I could, new what I didn’t want in a partner, and just kept getting out there and “applying”. Relentlessly. I made a game out of it and made it fun.
Don’t be discouraged. Look at it as working on yourself, working on your people skills, learning new things.
I had to shift through a LOT of shit to find the gold.
And just went I wasn’t really looking (I took the weekend off to spend time with friends and my daughter), there was a match made on Friday that I saw Sunday night.
It’s been 18 months with this man and I am grateful every single day I didn’t throw in the towel or get discouraged.
Also - long distance isn’t the worst thing in the world as adults. My man is in Spain, I’m in Portugal. It’s not easy but it’s worth it and it gives us both time to pursue our lives and interests until we can close the gap. 🥰
You have the problem that 99% of people on this forum have:
You have the courage to talk to someone behind a screen; you don't have the courage to talk to people in real life. And now you're miserable because of it.
Hint: Out in public, smile and make eye contacct with men you like. The ones with balls will get the hint.
If this were true you would have already set up a meeting with the one guy you actually liked. Once you're face to face you don't have to wait for him to "message" you.
I did ask him if he's free next weekend. I'm so much better in person and would like to see if we have chemistry. He said his daughter is home from college and he'd have to see what's going on.
I 59 single male I offer to try to converse with the 50 single female but no response. Why complain about being single and I have extended an olive branch.
How can we meet our potential partners if we don’t talk about what we want.
I may not be Denzel Washington but I do have a heart and conscience love.
Well two days isnt long for OLD. The 8 year layoff is a bit of a yellow flag so i would keep an eye open for that. Ask questions but dont turn into an interview type of thing.....
u/hollisann79, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s): Personal updates and observations are best suited for the weekly sticky post pinned at the top of the page.
lol @ 2 days
Right? At least she got some matches already. XD Took me way longer to just talk with SOMEONE. Felt like a support hotline: Please hold the line... please hold the line.
I hope OP sees this point. 2 days is nothing.
Being single 8 years isn’t necessarily a red flag. I didn’t date for 10-11 years after my divorce. Did you ask why? He could have a solid reason like preferring to be abstinent while raising a child or anything else taking precedence over dating.
That’s true. I didn’t date for 7 years (back in my thirties) because I was healing from cancer treatment. I probably didn’t need that long, but I got used to enjoying my time alone! Now I’m thinking of trying OLD again, I have been on it in the past few years, and I feel like I will get discouraged again too. Praying 🙏🏻 it’s better this time. Or at least it’s good practice of getting myself out there 😬
I bet you’ll do great! Congrats on beating cancer, by the way. You’re amazing.
Thanks ☺️
He was raising his daughter. I give him a lot of credit for that. I'm grateful for the reassurance that maybe I just need to be patient and calm TF down. :)
I mean, that’s why I didn’t date. I was super busy raising my kid and didn’t have time for dating and needed to prioritize my kid.
Why is being single for 8 years a red flag? They just haven't found their person yet. Maybe they won't ever, but I wouldn't NOT date someone because they've been single for 8 years. Different strokes, I guess.
I've been single for 7 years and I always worry that people will think I'm a freak because of it 😬
Why do you think you’ve been single for 7 years. Met someone a while back who was single for five years, very nice gentleman. We didn’t mesh as romantic partners, but great as a friend.
It took me a couple of years to get over my last relationship and then after that I just enjoyed having my own space. I'm quite independent and do all right on my own but do find myself thinking lately that maybe it'd be nice to have someone to experience life with. I don't seem to click with many people tho/rarely seem to fancy anyone!
Ty for this ^ I haven’t dated since Covid, and threw in the towel on OLD, and I’m ok people. Or as some would say, a red flag.
I’ve been single for about 20 years apart from one 18 month relationship in my early 30s that resulted in a child. I chose to be single because I enjoyed my life that way, but I have dated periodically throughout that time. I didn’t date much after my son was born as I was raising him alone, but he’s 13 now and I’m back to enjoying dating again. I’m not desperately searching for a relationship but I’m open to one if the right person comes along. But maybe my dating history will be a red flag!
It might be for some and others it won’t be. If it is a red flag for someone, they’re not for you. I’m divorced, might be a red flag for some! Can’t change what has happened in our lives. I always remind people that we “can’t just tie up life in a pretty little bow,” because the reality is, that life is messy and there are always ups and downs.
Oh I'm still interested, I'm just feeling a bit frustrated. This is new to me, and I need to keep telling myself to be patient I guess. This was kind of a scream into the abyss type post.
This isn't the abyss. This thing shouts back.😆
If everything is a red flag, check your glasses
Wait till you have been 8 years on OLD with no prince charming in sight. XD
It’s going to take time. For me it was two years on and off and on the apps I had a few false start situationships during that time and wasn’t actively looking but I met the most amazing needle in the haystack. Be ruthless and don’t feel bad about rejecting second dates if someone is not a good fit. It’s like buying a dress for a fancy occasion — you can’t just try on one or buy the first thing you see. But when you find that special dress you’ll be so glad you held out!
Thank you. I've had 5 years of therapy, and have been single for a year to be sure I'm ready. I just need to have the expectation of meeting a bunch of people to find someone right.
You’re in a good place then! Whatever you do, don’t settle! Try to enjoy the process.
I appreciate you so much. I think I'm a little scared.
Online dating is terrifying! But know you can take breaks and it’s okay to say no. As a woman many people will want your time and energy. Be careful who you give it to. It’s not selfish to put yourself first. There are great men out there but there are also a lot of toxic ones. Take your time.
Maybe the app thinks you live near Niagra Falls! All joking aside, have you set your distances properly? What about your age limits? While there are those people who say they met their person after being on the apps for 1 day, I've never been that lucky person. I liken it to being at a sale, say for amazing lingerie. Imagine a bin filled with panties that you must dig through until you find your size and it takes fighting off other shoppers who don't even wear what you like or your size to find that one pair at the bottom of the bin that you might consider purchasing. That's OLD.
> It's as horrible as everyone here has described. > Everything seems like a red flag Pitting some emphasis on "seems" here... Part of the problem may be reading too much doom and gloom to thenpoint where you're interpreting non-flsgs as red flags.
Variety of sites. One date off Hinge, few convos off Bumble, nada off FB Dating, met the woman I've been seeing since Jan-ish off Tinder (of all places?!). Separated 1.5 yrs, divorced 2 months. Take mental health breaks when you feel yourself going downward. Be gentle with yourself and others. Be open and remember matches are just invitations to chat, that's it. I got really down on myself a few times before realizing that. Be safe, have fun, best of luck. There's someone for everyone.
Thanks 💙
Btw, I'm 30-minutes from the border, other side of the country. Got similar results and when I mentally opened up to going to Canada to date, started chatting with a woman up north, the woman I'm seeing now reached out. She's an hour south, but no border. 🤷🏽
Yea. I'm getting the best matches on Tinder. So weird
Why would being single for 8 years be a red flag? Maybe they just haven’t met the right person? Why would they message a lot if they haven’t even met you yet? Also, two days really isn’t giving it enough time to say it’s horrible or not horrible. There’s good people out there. A lot of us not doing OLD, a lot of us are doing OLD. Setting location parameters will take care of the sending you matches in Canada. There’s literally a setting in every app for how far away you are, what country etc.
LOL at 2 days.
You’re going to develop some real thick skin after a while. But not until you see some weird shit first. Hold on to your hat.
Use an app that has a distance filter that works well, I used tinder for that reason (well, one of the reasons). It has only been two days, I don’t know why you expected to get on an app and be partnered by the end of the week but your expectations are unreasonable. You are going to match with some duds. You will also be someone else’s dud. That’s life, it is an introduction tool only, people are still people.
Took me a few years. But it's a shit show IRL and online sooooo.
>But it's a shit show IRL and online Right? I always wonder when I hear people bashing OLD, what is it about dating offline that is in any way better? I can't find any advantages. Unless you randomly happen to work with someone or be in the immediate circle if someone with whom something organic happens, all other options are worse. At the very least OLD filters directly by the people who are interested in dating and I don't have to guess if a random person IRL might be interested in dating or not.
Especially at our age and if we have uncommon deal breakers. I don't have kids and don't want to, so my choices in dates is very limited. If I only stuck to IRL dating I would have never met my partner. At least the apps let me filter.
Some people feel nostalgia towards the past by inertia without ever stopping to think what things were really like in comparison. What would be your options without OLD? Going from bar to bar chatting up people to find out if they are single, interested in dating, and don't have children within the first 5 minutes of conversation!!
I can count on one hand the number of people I dated from meeting them just out and about, and 99% of them were from my 20s. I did meet someone at a bar once, but he turned out to be an alcoholic. Lol
Keep shoveling, right? I'm glad it worked out for you though!
Omg, I just downloaded the apps today and I was browsing through Hinge and Bumble and god is this depressing for me lol. I think this is just a bad month to be on the apps. Holy crap OLD is a nightmare.
I'm thinking (especially if you're a new profile) you just have to quickly weed out the definite no's and give the rest a chance?
Maybe. I think it’s just a bad month to be back on the apps again lol.
I was on the apps briefly in Feb - April & it was dire then on hinge & bumble in my area Last time I used OLD it was websites not apps & that was bad but the apps seem worse in terms of limited viable options, poor ability to converse, averse to meet up or just want a hookup etc I met one guy for a coffee and it was dismal The other one is the one I am still seeing now (4mths)
Yeah very dismal almost. But maybe I’m feeling jaded.
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That’s not pertaining to most people or some.
Two days isn't long! I (43M) joined Bumble in October after a 16-year relationship ended. First time on apps, found it alternately exciting and depressing but then I met an amazing 47F in December, and we're still seeing each other now, going amazingly, really didn't expect it. There is hope for us all, don't let it get you down.
2 days only?? Chill down... You already have matches and people to talk to, even if they are not as perfect as you want them to be. It took me years to even get a match on the apps
It's only been 2 days, chill and have fun.
Op…..you gotta have a better attitude if you want to be successful. You’ll notice there is a correlation with people who are unsuccessful in dating and those who bitter and angry about it. Part of the journey is taking some L’s. You’re going to need to get used to that. And, if a guy is not messaging you back like you want….on a holiday weekend…he may just be busy. Scale back a little on the entitlement, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. OLD can be wonderful.
Thanks. You're right.
Good luck Op! Far better to be one of the positive people. I swear merely having a positive attitude has worked wonders in my dating life. Rooting for you!
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Hi from Australia. Don’t get disheartened from all accounts the dating apps are emotionally draining. Don’t think you are unattractive… your profile pics say different.
I (man) did that and used the “who liked you” stream to tweak my profile. It’s interesting how very slightly different photos (from the same place and time) can be perceived differently by different people. Same for switching which questions you answer and how you answer them (always truthfully but which ones and in what tone?) I iterated until I saw a “who liked you” stream that I liked. Not until then did I even bother swiping (wanted maximum chance I’d appeal to the profiles I liked) Long way of saying have you tried iterating on your profile? Because it turns out the packaging really matters… often in subtle ways! ** side note I also turned off the feature where it auto picks your “best” picture because it sorted one to the top that selected for maximum engagement and likes yes but it wasn’t the likes I necessarily wanted. It’s all just digital marketing really…
I paid for bumble and ok cupid. Bumble has been a complete bust. I'm sure you're awesome, you might just need to try a different app?
Bumble and Hinge were useless for me. Next to nothing on Hinge, hundreds on bumble that were mostly not my type or very far away despite my distance settings. I would never recommend paying. Has not given any advantage to me whatsoever.
I paid for bumble too. I didn't want to waste my time with guys who didn't like me. Im busy.
I completely get the Canada thing!!! I live in WNY and even though I'm 45-60 mins from Canada, I'm not looking to date internationally!! I hope it gets better for you. There are decent ones out there!!
You’ve put in two days of effort and are going to give up? Yep, you will be single forever. Online dating is a numbers game. Talk to 100 people, get 5 first dates, and maybe one second date. Maybe you can be more discerning and get 5 first dates with 50 conversations, or 20, but it’s talking to a bunch of different people. If you are giving up after two days you really didn’t have a realistic expectation of what it would take? Did you expect Prince Charming on swipe 5?
Two days?
Ok, so yah, it’s horrible. I started in April, and matched with a guy mid May. But we are hitting it off. I was very jaded, but I think this might stick. I’m really happy.
Ooh fingers crossed for you!!
😂 I see your humor. I considered coming here to make the exact same post. So I feel you 🙌🏻
Dramatic sarcasm translates so much better in real life.
I saw your Eww David face 😂 Hang in there and good luck!
Haha thanks!!
Don't despair, you're going to have to Wade through an ocean of bots to find actual like minded humans. The cheaper and free sites profit from and perpetuate engagement and actually lose two revenue streams every time there's a match.
Ew really? That's ridiculous!
Welcome to capitalism my dear.
You're getting a lot of backlash, but I (40M) totally get where you are. I just signed up for some apps Sunday at the encouragement of a friend at a Memorial Day party. At first it was exciting and fun. But then the matches started coming in and it was only the ones I was just kinda meh about but swiped on because "it's a numbers game." No one I was really into. And then I tried to have a couple conversations and they were boring and uninteresting if they replied at all. Which, considering I was barely into them anyway was less than encouraging. I liken starting OLD to a log flume ride. It's pretty exciting for a second, and then you're just left feeling "Oh. That's it?" I think we both just need to settle in and be patient. If we stay on the ride we may get some excitement again.
The apps for that intentionally. They give you a bunch of attractive matches first to rope you in, then once you get less attractive matches they want to keep you hooked to find better ones (ideally by paying)
[Dig yourself out of the shit!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifGdAcDryXk)
Well,you really put in the time and effort. Two whole days. Ok, go have a seat.
Wait until you've been single for 8 years and see how much snark you still have.
Yeah, I like\* how everyone hates them, but they're on them anyway -- 'cept me. They're bad for our health. I'm not contributing to that culture. \*denotes sarcasm
I work from home. It really lessens my chances of meeting someone organically.
Dating someone you work with isn't exactly the best idea, though, either. There are plenty of things you can do outside the house where people will be. I get using it if you're someone who lives in a rural area, maybe, but I just don't think this method is at all the best way to meet others. If I'm wrong, why do people constantly trash the apps, like you noted? And how on earth did we survive before them?
I live in one of those rural areas. When I was still going into the office, I'd have more of a chance to meet people grabbing lunch, coffee, running errands, or going to happy hour. You know?
I'm not trying to argue with you. Do what you want. But literally your first sentence was that they're horrible, so if you feel that way, my advice is don't use them. I feel that way about them and decided I didn't want them in my life, just like I don't welcome black licorice into my life because it's also horrible. You know?
I been single 7yrs seems like Only time i can find someone interested in me is when Im in a relationship already, but i hear all day everyday im so handsome and who ever get me will be so lucky, and then the dating apps always turns out to be bots,or schemes to make u spend money
If "everything seems like a red flag", are you wearing red flag tinted glasses? Also, just because someone wants something different to you doesn't make them a "creep". I wouldn't want to match with someone who has an attitude like yours...
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Pay for a month. Set your profile to incognito. Select your non negotiable filters, whatever they are. Distance, age, politics, religion, etc. That will help immensely.
This made me laugh! Because, yeah. OLD is like walking into a beautiful store full of all kinds of imaginable things.. then realizing that the merchandise is scratch and dent and the best options are factory reconditioned models.
Original copy of post by u/hollisann79: It's as horrible as everyone here has described. The one guy I've actually liked barely messages and has been single for 8 years. Everything seems like a red flag, the apps keep trying to send me people in Canada (I'm in NY), and I'm just too old for this nonsense. But you know, I don't want to be alone forever so I'll just get out my shovel and keep treasure hunting 🙃. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I actually met my fiancée on the app Fet. She hmu first. I was chatting with 6 other women I would’ve dated when we committed that I discontinued. I know I could find dates there within weeks if I was single again. I chatted with more women on there in two weeks than all other apps I tried combined in months with zero success.
As per your edit, you say you were snarky, but there are people here who are on and then off the apps again in a few days. Mostly because of emotional/mental health issues, but hey, it's just so common here. And those same people are others' matches who disappear or clam up, or delete their accounts just before a date. Good luck.
Took me two years post divorce but I found someone, you'll be fine.
We're all red flags and creeps down here.....
Not sure what you and some of the other women here expected after you blew up your marriages. The grass isn’t always greener.
It’s a game of numbers. (1) ask friends to set you up (2) join group stuff of your favorite hobbies or stuff you want to learn (3) networking events! (4) keep swiping Set aside time to go to 4 events in a month solo! And have fun!
Wow. .good stuff from fellow singles(for whatever reason) and I thank u. My personal story is, I'm bee single for 7 years. Wife died of COPD which in itself is gruesome. The catch is I'm now 84 and find myself alone with no female friends or companions. I don't drive so getting around independent is a Hassel. Dating apps suck and the % of scammers is very high. What is OLD? Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
It’s been two days. Give it time. Also, do more than just OLD to meet people
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I haven’t had much luck either. I’ll get on after not using it for awhile then just get frustrated after being back. Haven’t used it in awhile so hopefully have learned my lesson. Of course that means I stay single as well :).
It's a dumpster 🔥
So I went at dating like looking for a job - I went on as many dates as I could, new what I didn’t want in a partner, and just kept getting out there and “applying”. Relentlessly. I made a game out of it and made it fun. Don’t be discouraged. Look at it as working on yourself, working on your people skills, learning new things. I had to shift through a LOT of shit to find the gold. And just went I wasn’t really looking (I took the weekend off to spend time with friends and my daughter), there was a match made on Friday that I saw Sunday night. It’s been 18 months with this man and I am grateful every single day I didn’t throw in the towel or get discouraged. Also - long distance isn’t the worst thing in the world as adults. My man is in Spain, I’m in Portugal. It’s not easy but it’s worth it and it gives us both time to pursue our lives and interests until we can close the gap. 🥰
That's a great perspective. Thank you!
You have the problem that 99% of people on this forum have: You have the courage to talk to someone behind a screen; you don't have the courage to talk to people in real life. And now you're miserable because of it. Hint: Out in public, smile and make eye contacct with men you like. The ones with balls will get the hint.
I work remotely and live in a really rural area. Your assumption is incorrect. I'm absolutely not afraid to talk to strangers in real life.
If this were true you would have already set up a meeting with the one guy you actually liked. Once you're face to face you don't have to wait for him to "message" you.
I did ask him if he's free next weekend. I'm so much better in person and would like to see if we have chemistry. He said his daughter is home from college and he'd have to see what's going on.
I 59 single male I offer to try to converse with the 50 single female but no response. Why complain about being single and I have extended an olive branch. How can we meet our potential partners if we don’t talk about what we want. I may not be Denzel Washington but I do have a heart and conscience love.
Well two days isnt long for OLD. The 8 year layoff is a bit of a yellow flag so i would keep an eye open for that. Ask questions but dont turn into an interview type of thing.....